Lies & Alibis - 2006

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Lies & Alibis

Comedy, Drama, Romance,
*
A man who runs an alibi service for adulterous husbands gets into a jam with a new client. In trying to remedy the situation, he must rely on an alluring woman who gets his heart racing.

Directors
Matt Checkowski, Kurt Mattila
Writer
Noah Hawley
Stars
Jerry O'Connell, Jon Polito, Deborah Kara Unger

*
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Transcript
00:00:00Hey man, I am so sorry, I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
00:00:30I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
00:01:00I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
00:01:30I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
00:02:00I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
00:02:30I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
00:03:00Okay. I had banked some stock options from a Blossoming Internet Startup
00:03:05and decided to seek enlightenment in the Holy Land.
00:03:07I would have guessed Tibet.
00:03:10I'm old school.
00:03:12Can I ask you a question?
00:03:14Sure.
00:03:15What exactly do you do?
00:03:16Well, this is a surprise.
00:03:19Hey, buddy. Good to see you.
00:03:21The fuck are you, man?
00:03:22Fucking good.
00:03:23Yeah? Get any work?
00:03:25I retired.
00:03:27Yeah, I banked some options from this Blossoming Internet Startup
00:03:31and decided to seek enlightenment in Tibet via the Middle East.
00:03:35The Holy Land, huh?
00:03:36No shit.
00:03:39Hooray.
00:03:41Now Hugh Jack's back on the radar.
00:03:43Well, uh, I wouldn't know about that.
00:03:46No?
00:03:47Well, keep in touch with your old boss.
00:03:49He does like Batman and Robin.
00:03:52Without the capes.
00:03:54I heard he was seen at the airport
00:03:56and he's got a bungalow up the coast.
00:03:58Yeah, I heard it was a villa in Sweden.
00:04:00I wouldn't put too much stock on idle gossip.
00:04:02Yeah, there's nothing idle about a $5 million contract on a guy's head.
00:04:06Excuse me, sir.
00:04:07We need to keep this lane clear.
00:04:12I was looking for some good guys.
00:04:14Ma'am?
00:04:16What the fuck are you looking at?
00:04:22That was interesting.
00:04:24Creepy.
00:04:25So what can you tell me about him?
00:04:27I just met him.
00:04:31Um, I'd say a high school graduate.
00:04:35Um, possibly a missionary or insurance salesman.
00:04:39Although with obvious connections to some sort of criminal enterprise.
00:04:43Okay, what else?
00:04:45So you know this or you've heard this?
00:04:47I know that Jack McCadden conned the Sultan of Qatar at $15 million.
00:04:51Yeah, that's the legend.
00:04:53What about this rave for him?
00:04:55He was always just a front man.
00:04:57Word is, after the score,
00:04:59Jack disappeared with a raise cut of the Sultan's cash.
00:05:02A Sultan? That's some real Indiana Jones shit that is.
00:05:05Language, Bobo.
00:05:07Sorry.
00:05:08And would you say he's married or single?
00:05:11Divorced.
00:05:12If there were a woman in his life, she'd make him bathe a little more often.
00:05:16Excuse me.
00:05:18So does this Sultan still want Jack dead?
00:05:21What I hear, $5 million open contract on Jack McCadden's head.
00:05:25Five million's a lot of money.
00:05:27To clip a grifter, it certainly is.
00:05:29Okay, where is he now?
00:05:33No, no, no. Uh, I'll take it.
00:05:37So when can you start?
00:05:39You ask me two questions and then offer me the job?
00:05:41Uh, three. I have a sense about people.
00:05:43We have to leave.
00:05:46Now,
00:05:48seems like our new friend Ray knows a very valuable man.
00:05:52I don't know if Ray's still in touch.
00:05:54He's handsome.
00:05:56I think he's found religion.
00:05:58Yeah.
00:05:59How good is it for a man to have faith that his actions do not prove it?
00:06:03Time men don't reform.
00:06:06They simply find better angles.
00:06:09Okay, what do we do?
00:06:11We're a risk management firm.
00:06:13Which means?
00:06:14We're in the business of saving marriages.
00:06:16How do you do that?
00:06:18We grease the wheel that makes state-of-the-art infidelity possible.
00:06:21People who cheat get caught because, A, they want to,
00:06:24or, B, they're found someplace they said they weren't.
00:06:26Good morning, Jay-Z Incorporated.
00:06:28Mr. Williams is in a meeting right now. May I take a message?
00:06:31We create a false reality,
00:06:33making people appear to be where they're supposed to be.
00:06:35Mr. Norris, let me check.
00:06:37I'm sorry, your wife's on the phone.
00:06:41I'm sorry, your wife just got on a conference call.
00:06:44I'll try her when she gets off.
00:06:53Fit Precinct.
00:06:55Sykes?
00:06:56Yeah, he's running files for Central. Can I help you?
00:06:59I can try him on his walkie if it's an emergency.
00:07:02So you help men cheat on their wives?
00:07:05And wives cheat on their husbands.
00:07:07We're an equal-opportunity employer.
00:07:10You're a professional liar.
00:07:16Lies are the great foundation of our society, Lolos.
00:07:19Great outfit, honey, can't take any flowers for no reason,
00:07:22and my personal favorite, don't worry, it happens to a lot of guys.
00:07:26That's just being polite.
00:07:28The fact is, your average relationship wouldn't last two minutes
00:07:31if people told the truth.
00:07:33We just help maintain the illusion.
00:07:35Mom's happy, Dad's happy,
00:07:37and the kids don't have to pick sides at Christmas.
00:07:40So this is all for the children?
00:07:42Families don't break up because of infidelity.
00:07:45Thank you. They break up because someone gets caught.
00:07:48Let me guess, you're just a hard-working child of a broken home,
00:07:52trying to save others from the pain you went through.
00:07:56I just see people for the well-dressed, good-smelling animals they are.
00:08:00Mate, eat, sleep, and mate some more, preferably with someone else.
00:08:04Right.
00:08:05But you can't really believe that.
00:08:07Not everyone operates on a purely primal level.
00:08:09A man is as faithful as his opportunities.
00:08:11Take your old boss, for example.
00:08:13Perfect example.
00:08:14Yes, he cheated on his wife, they broke up,
00:08:16they got back together, they've never been happier.
00:08:18When was that, about a year ago?
00:08:20Yeah. How did you know that?
00:08:22He just bought his lunch. He's been a client since January.
00:08:30Are you ready?
00:08:32Ready.
00:08:33I'll let you know.
00:08:43Robert, lobby. Two minutes.
00:08:46And you might want to pop the jacket on.
00:08:52Morning.
00:08:54Do you ever consider a more traditional line of work?
00:08:57Insurance? Sales?
00:09:00Making money's easy.
00:09:02Keeping yourself interested is something else entirely.
00:09:05Okay, here's the situation.
00:09:07In a few seconds, an angry wife is going to come steaming through that door
00:09:10and raise Mary hell till she finds her cheating husband.
00:09:13Inside this is a cheap knock-off necklace.
00:09:16You can be anyone you want to be for the next five minutes.
00:09:20I need $2,000 a week, benefits, a month off,
00:09:22plus all regular holidays.
00:09:24Well, we tend to work holidays.
00:09:26But we've got great dental, and I can go as high as $1,500.
00:09:29What's going on, Ray?
00:09:31Hey, how you doing there?
00:09:33One second. Vision?
00:09:35That comes with a copay.
00:09:37Okay, the objective is to extricate him from this predicament
00:09:41with his balls still intact.
00:09:43Ray.
00:09:45You son of a bitch!
00:09:47Holy shit.
00:09:49How could you?
00:09:51I give you the best years of my life,
00:09:53and you go and throw it all away to have your sick sex with some whore!
00:09:59I don't know who you think you are, Mrs. Hatch,
00:10:02but no one speaks to me like that.
00:10:04I can't work like this, Mr. Hatch.
00:10:06We're Rogette's jewelers, not Bob's big house of diamonds.
00:10:09Diamonds?
00:10:17To my dearest, on this special day.
00:10:21Much love.
00:10:25Why are you meeting here?
00:10:27Our office is in New York,
00:10:29so Mr. Hatch has been flying in members of the team to work on the design.
00:10:32Oh, Robert.
00:10:34I'm so glad you're here.
00:10:36Judith, do you like it?
00:10:38Robert.
00:10:42I think this concludes our business, Mr. Hatch.
00:10:44Yeah, but, uh, so if I wanted to examine some other items from your catalog,
00:10:49how could we arrange that?
00:10:51Oh, well, I can have a catalog forwarded to your hotel room in Fiji.
00:10:57Hmm?
00:11:00You didn't tell her?
00:11:02Uh...
00:11:04Robert!
00:11:11We're going to Rodeo Drive, Hannibal.
00:11:13Yes, Mrs. Hatch.
00:11:15Mr. Hatch needs some new swim trunks.
00:11:17Uh, in future, please don't improvise travel arrangements.
00:11:20I was in the moment.
00:11:22Mr. Hatch.
00:11:24Mr. Hatch.
00:11:26Don't improvise travel arrangements.
00:11:28I was in the moment.
00:11:30I'll listen to cell phone.
00:11:32Right.
00:11:34And, uh, moments or not, you didn't have to make it a private island.
00:11:37We both know you had it coming.
00:11:40Company car?
00:11:43So I guess anyone can get away with anything these days.
00:11:45No, we don't alibi crimes,
00:11:47and I will not be an instrument of revenge.
00:11:50Beyond that...
00:11:52Beyond that?
00:11:53It's all smoke and mirrors.
00:11:56So how rich do people have to be to hire us?
00:11:58We give discounts to cops, plumbers, teachers.
00:12:01Thanks to give something back to the chronically underpaid.
00:12:04If it makes you feel any better, sometimes our clients stray,
00:12:07but then they go back a little wiser for experience.
00:12:10Anything else?
00:12:12Overtime, dress code?
00:12:14Yes, for both.
00:12:15Do we have a deal?
00:12:18If I'm there more than a year, I want profit sharing.
00:12:20Okay. Uh, one condition.
00:12:22Don't slut with the spouse.
00:12:25Don't micromanage.
00:12:31Profit sharing?
00:12:33Perhaps that was a bit much,
00:12:35but I was temporarily seduced by her lavish, penetrating,
00:12:38truly sublime attention to detail.
00:12:44You see, my current line of work is all about
00:12:46planning for every conceivable contingency,
00:12:49accounting for every detail,
00:12:52every nuance, and every possible mistake.
00:12:55I know exactly where he is.
00:12:57Why? Because I commit the one unpardonable sin,
00:13:00the one my old partner Jack would never abide.
00:13:03I am forced, on a daily basis,
00:13:06to rely on the intelligence of others.
00:13:10Ten days, Ray. Ten days.
00:13:12I had to sleep with my wife. You got any idea how that is?
00:13:15Break the rules. These things happen.
00:13:17By the way, you'll be swapping the necklace you gave her
00:13:19with a real one in about two days. I've already billed your account.
00:13:21You realize I actually had to...
00:13:24You know, I should have, just thinking about it.
00:13:27Well, you could always leave her of it.
00:13:29Hey, I'd leave. I'd leave in a heartbeat.
00:13:31But it's no secret the money's off from her family.
00:13:34I leave, I'm ruined. You know that.
00:13:36We all have our crosses to bear.
00:13:38Now for our lesson in remedial cheating.
00:13:40It matches. You know, it's a stupid habit.
00:13:43I just keep losing my lighters.
00:13:45Nothing from your liaisons goes in your pockets,
00:13:47on your breath, or on your skin.
00:13:49Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good.
00:13:54Robert, you've already met Lola?
00:13:56Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:13:59My son's getting married next month.
00:14:02Good girl, from a good family.
00:14:04But you know the hatch, man.
00:14:06You know, we always have a little something on the side.
00:14:09My grandfather, my father, me, and now my kid.
00:14:12Can you believe it? Amazing.
00:14:15So where's he not supposed to be going,
00:14:17and who's he not supposed to be going with?
00:14:22Ray, uh, I'd appreciate it if you handled this yourself.
00:14:26Um, Robert, apart from the odd emergency,
00:14:29I do very little fieldwork these days.
00:14:31You're my last personal client.
00:14:33Yeah, but I was your first personal client.
00:14:35I mean, think of it as a wedding present to my fucking kid, huh?
00:14:39One you get to bill me for.
00:14:41After that, Lola can take care of me.
00:14:45Okay?
00:14:48Okay.
00:14:50Don't let the hatch thing bother you.
00:14:52It's just that some clients prefer working with men.
00:14:54So that man was your first client?
00:14:57That man's libido paid for the rent for the first few months.
00:15:01What, no start-up help from the infamous Jack McCadden?
00:15:04No.
00:15:05He sounds like quite the character.
00:15:08International man of intrigue, smart, handsome.
00:15:12How long did you two date?
00:15:14Okay, Jack is not a topic I care to discuss.
00:15:18Bad breakup?
00:15:20Drop it.
00:15:24Dropped?
00:15:28Yeah, she wants a friar to marry us.
00:15:32Like a fucking friar?
00:15:35What am I, Robin Hood?
00:15:38Look, don't get me wrong.
00:15:40I love Sandy. I fucking worship her.
00:15:42It's just, you know, shit, till death do us part.
00:15:45Men weren't wired to be monogamous. I'm sorry.
00:15:47Just, you know, you gotta spread the seed.
00:15:49Hey, baby!
00:15:54Your father tells me you want to go away for the weekend.
00:15:57That's terrible, right? I'm a terrible person.
00:16:00I don't know you, Wendell.
00:16:02I guess you're right.
00:16:04All right, well, so this girl, she wants...
00:16:06Do I tell you her name, or...?
00:16:07No.
00:16:08All right, she wants to go to this bed-and-breakfast in Santa Barbara.
00:16:11A click-and-clack going to...?
00:16:13What?
00:16:15No, dude, just me and her.
00:16:18Okay, there's a broker's convention in San Francisco this weekend.
00:16:23I book a room in San Francisco under your name
00:16:26and reserve a flight and a rental car.
00:16:29Okay.
00:16:30Then I book a room in Santa Barbara under my name...
00:16:32I'd like to make a reservation for your honeymoon suite for this Friday...
00:16:35...and give you a credit card to use while you're up there.
00:16:38Friday, you go to Santa Barbara, and I go to San Francisco,
00:16:42where I check into your room and sign in at the convention.
00:16:46I have dinner, make phone calls.
00:16:49In short, you become me, and I become you.
00:16:54Temporarily.
00:16:56What if Sandy tries to call me?
00:16:58Well, we intercept all the calls,
00:17:00so if there's an emergency, I'll be contacted and I'll contact you.
00:17:09Dude, do you have a card?
00:17:11I don't.
00:17:13Anything else?
00:17:14No, I'm good.
00:17:16Good.
00:17:21Randall?
00:17:23In future, don't make me do this in front of your wife.
00:17:27It's kind of tacky.
00:17:28And it'll get you caught. Guaranteed.
00:17:35It'd be easy for a man in my line of work to become cynical on the subject of relationships.
00:17:40So what's in San Francisco?
00:17:42It's business.
00:17:44What's her name?
00:17:46Lola.
00:17:47I prefer to keep my work life and my private life separate.
00:17:50It keeps things simple.
00:17:52Simple is boring.
00:17:53Boring is safe.
00:17:54And safe is for old people.
00:17:56And safe is for old people.
00:17:58This is fun. Wanna keep going?
00:18:00I've got a plane to catch.
00:18:05Have a good weekend.
00:18:07But you see, romance is my greatest ally.
00:18:11It makes people vulnerable, distracted, and utterly idiotic.
00:18:16You sure you didn't tell anyone?
00:18:18In short, the perfect clients.
00:18:20We've been over this a thousand times.
00:18:22What'd you tell your boyfriend?
00:18:24He said I'm visiting my mom.
00:18:26Trust me, he's an idiot.
00:18:30So after the wedding, how long before we get together?
00:18:33I don't know. We might have to cool it a little bit.
00:18:36Oh, shit! Does your boyfriend drive a black SUV?
00:18:40No!
00:18:41Shit!
00:18:42Will you calm down?
00:18:50You ever get a blowjob at a hundred miles an hour?
00:18:54We're only going sixty.
00:18:56Then you better step on it.
00:19:12Hey!
00:19:13Hey!
00:19:14One second!
00:19:15You've got about ten seconds before I rip off like a frozen monkey right here in the lobby.
00:19:19Bitch, it's for June, baby.
00:19:21Now, what can I do for you nice young people?
00:19:23We have a room booked under Elliot, Mr. and Mrs. Elliot.
00:19:35Hi. Wendell Hatch.
00:19:37Arrogant prick.
00:19:40Hi. Wendell Hatch. Good to meet you.
00:19:42Hi.
00:19:43Hi, Wendell.
00:19:44Hello.
00:20:10You son of a bitch.
00:20:12Well, it takes one to know him, Mr. Williams.
00:20:15Good to see you.
00:20:16And you.
00:20:17God, didn't we have a hell of a time in Bermuda or what?
00:20:19My liver's still not talking to me.
00:20:21They forget to print your name tag?
00:20:23That's what you get for pre-registering.
00:20:25Oh, yeah.
00:20:26Say, Michael, you ever talk to that tax shelter guy?
00:20:29What was his name? Jack something?
00:20:31I was hoping you could tell me. I've got so much loose chains tied up with that guy.
00:20:35Now I can't get the bastard on the phone.
00:20:37Still, you know what Jack used to say.
00:20:39The only sure investment is a tombstone.
00:20:41I know what he means.
00:20:43Come on, I want you to meet somebody.
00:20:45Hey, Jimmy, come on.
00:20:47Come on.
00:21:06Hello.
00:21:07Ray?
00:21:08Who's this?
00:21:10I think she's dead, Ray.
00:21:12I didn't... she's not waking up.
00:21:15Wendell?
00:21:16This is so fucked!
00:21:17Hey, Wendell, get a hold of yourself.
00:21:19She liked it rough, you know?
00:21:21And I just thought...
00:21:23Oh, fuck.
00:21:24She didn't say gum, Ray.
00:21:26I was listening. She never said gum.
00:21:28Wendell, check her pulse.
00:21:29She's blue. That's not normal, Ray.
00:21:31Check her pulse. Do you know how to do that?
00:21:33I gotta get out of here. I can't stay here.
00:21:35Wendell, you must not leave the room.
00:21:37You need to call an ambulance. It was an accident.
00:21:39I can't go to jail. I'm not going to jail.
00:21:41Wendell...
00:21:42Fucking call an ambulance. This whole thing comes out.
00:21:45You, your business, my father, your clients, this whole thing.
00:21:48You're going to be ruined.
00:21:49Well, it wouldn't be the first time.
00:21:50Bullshit! You work for me, goddammit!
00:21:52You have to do what I say, Ray!
00:21:54It doesn't work like that, Wendell.
00:22:00You gotta help me, please.
00:22:04Please don't make me bad, man.
00:22:08Please help me.
00:22:10Okay, I'll call you back in five minutes.
00:22:12Don't fucking move.
00:22:16Bobo.
00:22:18I'm getting grease on the money.
00:22:20Just a little bit.
00:22:23Putty.
00:22:25Hello?
00:22:28Hello?
00:22:30Hey, Putty, it's Ray.
00:22:32You up for a little freelance work?
00:22:39Ray?
00:22:41Someone's coming to sort this out.
00:22:44Oh, Jesus Christ, thank you so much.
00:22:46Thank you.
00:22:47Now, Wendell, this is very important, so please pay attention.
00:22:50Okay.
00:22:51When he gets there, do not give him your real name.
00:22:54Do you understand?
00:22:59Hi, I'm Wendell. I mean, Pete.
00:23:02Hey, Wendell.
00:23:05She come with the room?
00:23:07What?
00:23:08Did the dead girl come with the room?
00:23:10Or did you bring her here yourself?
00:23:12It was an accident.
00:23:14It usually is.
00:23:15No, no, no, it was her idea.
00:23:20I doubt that.
00:23:34So no one saw you move the body?
00:23:36No.
00:23:39Wendell, Wendell, look at me.
00:23:41Did anyone else know you were taking her out tonight?
00:23:44No, I mean, the guys knew where I was going, but they didn't know who, so...
00:23:48Is anyone likely to come looking for her?
00:23:50I...
00:23:55She is a Mexican.
00:23:58No, she's a boyfriend who's Mexican.
00:24:00Well, he's a Hispanic-American,
00:24:02but he would fucking kill both of us if he knew.
00:24:05The guy at the bed-and-breakfast saw me. I think he saw me.
00:24:08You know, this was all her idea, so I don't...
00:24:10Shut up, Wendell.
00:24:12Did you have any idea?
00:24:14You killed a girl.
00:24:16I'm sorry. Believe me.
00:24:18Fuck, you think I wanted this to happen?
00:24:21Look, the good thing is, it's your name on the hotel bill, right?
00:24:25Not mine.
00:24:27So technically, I wasn't even there.
00:24:30What is this?
00:24:32You're not gonna tell my dad, are you?
00:24:37Give me my credit card.
00:24:43Okay, get moving.
00:24:47And don't ever, ever let me see you again.
00:24:56Ow!
00:25:00Hello.
00:25:02Is this the number for reporting a lost credit card?
00:25:07Yeah.
00:25:09Ray Elliott.
00:25:30Hello?
00:25:34Min?
00:25:38Cam?
00:25:42Cuellos.
00:26:00I know what you're thinking,
00:26:02but a deal is a deal.
00:26:30Darling!
00:26:32You should really try and give me a little more notice.
00:26:38Come on in.
00:26:40Sorry to interrupt. Were you busy?
00:26:42Yes, Ray. I was having a glamour night.
00:26:47I'm going to, uh...
00:26:49I'm going to go to the bathroom.
00:26:51I'll be back in a minute.
00:26:53Okay.
00:26:56I'm going to, uh...
00:26:58I'm going to tell you something,
00:27:00and I don't want you to ask any questions.
00:27:02Oh, well, we all know how good I am at that.
00:27:06We slept together last night.
00:27:10Did I like it?
00:27:12I said no questions, remember?
00:27:15Did you like it?
00:27:17Lola.
00:27:19How do you know I wasn't with someone else last night?
00:27:23Oui.
00:27:25I thought the idea was to keep our private life and our work life separate.
00:27:33Okay.
00:27:35Go ahead.
00:27:38You invited me over yesterday morning.
00:27:41I showed up at 7.30 p.m. with a bottle of wine.
00:27:44What kind?
00:27:46Merlot.
00:27:48And you cooked me dinner.
00:27:50Don't tell my mother the story. She'll know you're making it up.
00:27:53Uh, roast.
00:27:55Lasagna.
00:27:57I can make lasagna.
00:27:59Fine. Lasagna.
00:28:01I showed up at 7.30.
00:28:03We had dinner.
00:28:05And I didn't leave until 9 o'clock in the morning.
00:28:07Just one more question.
00:28:09What?
00:28:13Are you going to call me?
00:28:21So, you're the only one that could put my kid and that fucking girl
00:28:24together at the bed and breakfast.
00:28:26Uh, plus the innkeeper.
00:28:28But I don't see how Ennil's ever going to register on the cop's radar.
00:28:31Oh, well, that's a relief.
00:28:33So, how much you want to make this go away?
00:28:36That's not what this is about.
00:28:38I'll give you $20,000.
00:28:40I'll give you $20,000.
00:28:42I'll give you $20,000.
00:28:44I'll give you $20,000.
00:28:46I'll give you $20,000.
00:28:48That's not what this is about.
00:28:50I'll give you $23,000 cash right now to keep my kid out of this.
00:28:53Hey, it's what I got.
00:28:55My emergency cash reserve.
00:28:56Robert, I don't want your money.
00:29:00No, no, no, no.
00:29:01Hello, man.
00:29:02End of fucking conversation.
00:29:08Our actions have consequences.
00:29:10Yours, mine.
00:29:12Everyone's.
00:29:15Wait a minute.
00:29:17If this is some kind of con, Ray, what?
00:29:20I pay up and this chick shows up with my 23 grand on some beach somewhere?
00:29:24No way. No fucking way.
00:29:26She's dead.
00:29:29Your son killed her.
00:29:31Deal with it.
00:29:33So that I don't have to.
00:29:37Okay, Ray.
00:29:39I'll see what I can do.
00:29:44Let's go.
00:30:10This is Gail.
00:30:11Hey, it's Ray.
00:30:13You seen this weekend?
00:30:14Come on, man.
00:30:15You know the dead never sleep.
00:30:17So, uh, I hear my old friend might be in town.
00:30:20You heard anything?
00:30:21You mean Jack McCatt?
00:30:22I've been meaning to call you.
00:30:24He just came in.
00:30:28And now, direct from an extended tour where he played for and with many of the crowded heads of Arabia
00:30:34and their wives.
00:30:37Yeah?
00:30:39Cam, is this a joke?
00:30:41What?
00:30:43That's not Jack McCatt.
00:30:45Are you sure?
00:30:47He's the same age.
00:30:48Same, uh, same build.
00:30:51Yeah, but here's the thing.
00:30:53Jack doesn't have a snake tattooed on his face.
00:30:59Or a steel bolt through his penis.
00:31:03I gotta go.
00:31:12Can I help you?
00:31:14Uh, yeah, Detective Bryce.
00:31:16Is he Mr. Elliot?
00:31:21I'm sorry.
00:31:22I've never seen her before.
00:31:23Right.
00:31:25And your credit card was stolen or lost just the day before it was used to check into the bed and breakfast.
00:31:31Neat how that worked out, isn't it?
00:31:34You're not LAPD, are you?
00:31:36No, I'm not.
00:31:39You're not LAPD, are you?
00:31:41No, I used to be. I'm in Santa Barbara now.
00:31:43It's where the Prices live with their occasionally wayward daughter.
00:31:49What exactly do you do here at Elliot Consulting, Mr. Elliot?
00:31:54Risk assessment and management.
00:31:57Hmm.
00:31:59And how does a former confidence man become an expert on that?
00:32:03The same way you get to Carnegie Hall, Detective.
00:32:06Practice, practice, practice.
00:32:08Where is Miss Price, Mr. Elliot?
00:32:10Or should I call you Mr. Avalon, Mr. Morgan, Mr. Wilde?
00:32:14Detective, I swear to God...
00:32:16What about your old boss, Jack McAdam? Would he know?
00:32:18You know, I heard this crazy story the other day about a really rich Arab wanting to see Jack McAdam dead.
00:32:26I haven't spoken to Jack in a couple of years.
00:32:29Now, when grifters and cons knock each other off, I really don't give a shit.
00:32:33But Miss Price's father's an assemblyman.
00:32:35He's pushing really hard for us to find his daughter.
00:32:38See, this is how it works. He pushes me, I push you.
00:32:41We find her, then I get to go home to my husband,
00:32:43who's probably letting our daughter overdose on pizza every night I'm not in town.
00:32:47That sounds painfully domestic.
00:32:49Well, to me, it's a little piece of heaven.
00:32:51Now, you make me stick around in town,
00:32:54and I'm gonna do my damnedest to make sure that I find something to make it worth my while.
00:32:59Or my scrapbook.
00:33:02You know, you don't have to wave those things dry anymore.
00:33:06It's a new process. They've had it for a couple of years now.
00:33:20Download this for me, please.
00:33:23Thank you.
00:33:30What did the cop want?
00:33:31Oh, it's nothing.
00:33:33I'm gonna need you to cover some of my accounts over the next few weeks.
00:33:37Not a problem.
00:33:38Good.
00:33:45Hey, Ray.
00:33:47Putty! How nice to see you.
00:33:50Gotta go for a ride.
00:33:51Oh, you're holding me up for that B&B thing?
00:33:53It's not like you.
00:33:55I'm hurt you'd even think such a thing.
00:33:58I take it this is not optional?
00:34:00That's a real good way to put it.
00:34:07So who are you working for these days?
00:34:09Yeah, a guy used to run out of salt, hey.
00:34:12The Moorman?
00:34:13Yeah, you heard of him? Really nice guy.
00:34:15I know of at least six guys who'd argue that point.
00:34:18If they were still around.
00:34:20Well, we don't keep track, but me and Bobo get benefits.
00:34:23Dental, eye care.
00:34:25Nice uniforms.
00:34:26Nice uniforms.
00:34:34I remember you.
00:34:36Do you?
00:34:40I'm Adele.
00:34:42Pleased to meet you.
00:34:46And you are?
00:34:48Too old.
00:34:58Do you have a bathroom?
00:35:12It's a little crowded in here right now.
00:35:15No.
00:35:16I may be married to the old creep, but he doesn't own me.
00:35:20Well, that's good to know.
00:35:22So where are you from, young lady?
00:35:24Oh, South Dakota.
00:35:27Tiny little town.
00:35:32How are you enjoying life in the big city?
00:35:35Yeah, right.
00:35:37It's like being in prison.
00:35:39Nice pool.
00:35:41But...
00:35:42But...
00:35:44I do manage to find the eye of distraction.
00:35:50Bridge?
00:35:54Come on.
00:35:56Let's do it right here.
00:36:08Are you insane?
00:36:09It wasn't my idea.
00:36:10It doesn't matter whose idea it was.
00:36:12He'll tear your head off if he catches you near one of his wives.
00:36:15You dragged me here, remember?
00:36:16So let's get this audience underway.
00:36:28I spent a fortune on landscaping.
00:36:33I think it's worth it.
00:36:36It's very beautiful.
00:36:38Thank you.
00:36:41Buddy tells me he's met one of my wives.
00:36:44How does that work, the two thing?
00:36:46Three.
00:36:47Three?
00:36:48Congratulations.
00:36:50Our doctrine says celestial marriage is the gate to exaltation.
00:36:56Sorry, do they work in shifts, or is it kind of a group thing?
00:37:04Things manage to work themselves out.
00:37:08But enough about me.
00:37:10Are you married?
00:37:12No.
00:37:14I guess I just haven't met the right women.
00:37:17Funny.
00:37:20Yes, I hear there's a price on the head of your old partner, Jack.
00:37:25I also hear that he may be in town.
00:37:29And you want me to tell you where he is?
00:37:33You know my chosen profession, right?
00:37:35Yes.
00:37:36People have been hiring hitmen for thousands of years.
00:37:40Ever since some Neanderthal gave some other Neanderthal a half a mastodon to clock his brother with a rock.
00:37:47Neanderthal? I would have taken you for a creationist.
00:37:52More of a pragmatist, really.
00:37:55Which is where you come in.
00:37:57Do I?
00:37:59I think having a man of your skills covering my tracks would be extremely helpful.
00:38:05Well, I'm sorry, but I don't alibi crimes.
00:38:08You already alibied one. For the Hatch family, wasn't it?
00:38:13That was the first and last.
00:38:18I think not.
00:38:22I think from now on there will be many, many more.
00:38:26Unless becoming an accessory after the fact strikes you as a reasonable way to spend the next ten or fifteen years of your life.
00:38:36Good evening, Ray.
00:38:38We'll be in touch.
00:38:42The genius of Jack McCadden was that he was part magician, part artist, part ghost.
00:38:48Ray, I think Jack's back on the radar.
00:38:50You guys are like Batman and Robin.
00:38:52Although it was a privilege to work alongside him, I've gone to great pains to leave that life behind.
00:38:58Jack McCadden, would he know?
00:39:00I hear there's a price on the head of your old partner.
00:39:03But that's the problem with the past.
00:39:05Bad breakup?
00:39:07Drop it. It's never really dead until you are.
00:39:10Dropped?
00:39:12That's not a very comforting thought.
00:39:18Yeah?
00:39:19Dude, it's Cam.
00:39:21I think about Jack.
00:39:23Cam, I can't really deal with this right now.
00:39:25Yeah.
00:39:26Something came up.
00:39:27But if it's him, people are gonna come looking for him.
00:39:30Hey, asshole.
00:39:33No, it's just there's something I've got to deal with and I'll call you later.
00:39:38All right, okay.
00:39:43Wendell.
00:39:45Wendell's posse.
00:39:46You dick. I can't believe you told my dad.
00:39:49Someone had to straighten things out.
00:39:51I don't know who you think you are, but you don't threaten me and you don't threaten my father.
00:39:54You're a fucking employee.
00:39:55You understand me? You're a butler.
00:39:58You're a burger flipper.
00:40:04So let's step outside and get this party started.
00:40:12What is that? Is that sort of Kung Fu?
00:40:15Taekwondo.
00:40:17Oh, Taekwondo.
00:40:23Why don't we do it here? I don't see any crowds.
00:40:26If you move those two chairs and I'll shift this table.
00:40:30Hey!
00:40:34Stop talking.
00:40:35Want some more of this, pal?
00:40:36No.
00:40:37Wendell, I hate to get all philosophical, but a life has been taken and someone needs to account for that.
00:40:42Hey, okay.
00:40:44Do you follow me?
00:40:45Please don't kill me.
00:40:47I'll pay you.
00:40:50Go, go, go!
00:40:52Come on!
00:40:55Stupid asshole.
00:40:56I think you broke my fucking nose.
00:40:59I think I did.
00:41:04It hurts.
00:41:05Using your intellect is nice, but nothing beats the thrill of delivering a good old faggot.
00:41:12What do you think about my swagger?
00:41:16Okay, come on, come on.
00:41:29Shit.
00:41:35Wakey, wakey.
00:41:37Oh, well, look who's up.
00:41:38Look who's up.
00:41:40Think you're gonna sleep forever, princess?
00:41:43I think there's been a mistake.
00:41:44Oh, yeah. I hope so.
00:41:46My house is that way.
00:41:49This ain't no car service, motherfucker.
00:41:51This is your worst nightmare.
00:41:53Yeah, well, my worst nightmare has rats in it.
00:41:55Oh, we're gonna get to that.
00:41:57I can guarantee that.
00:41:59I know you.
00:42:01Oh, yeah, you think so?
00:42:02You're Hatch's driver.
00:42:04That's right, asshole. And what?
00:42:06What is that supposed to mean?
00:42:08What, do you think you're better than me?
00:42:09Is that how you're trying to put me down, man?
00:42:11Motherfucker, let me suggest something to you, all right?
00:42:13I suggest that you fucking get real smart real fast and tell me where the fuck she is.
00:42:17You better get smart, boy. You better get smart.
00:42:19Don't be annoyed, but, uh...
00:42:21Who?
00:42:27Heather.
00:42:29Heather Price, motherfucker. Do you remember her now?
00:42:31Little beat cop, ass like butter, right?
00:42:34Mine like a fucking pervert.
00:42:37Took her to that hotel in Santa Barbara.
00:42:38Let me tell you something. She was my fucking girlfriend, man.
00:42:41Son of a bitch. It wasn't a hotel, man.
00:42:42It was a bed and breakfast dog.
00:42:43You shut the fuck up. You drive. Keep your attention, man.
00:42:46I wasn't at that hotel.
00:42:47I reported my credit card stolen.
00:42:50I spent the weekend with friends.
00:42:51Check it out with any of you.
00:42:52You expecting somebody to believe that bullshit?
00:42:54Is that your best shot?
00:42:55This is the truth.
00:43:00Come on, give me something where I can engage my suspension of disbelief.
00:43:04Give me something, man.
00:43:05Something within the realm of plausibility, man.
00:43:10She wouldn't be cheating on me, man.
00:43:12No matter what she's done or why she's done it.
00:43:14Get up. Get up.
00:43:17I have the capacity to forgive.
00:43:20Unfortunately, tonight, that's not going to bring salvation to your fucking hands.
00:43:25Right.
00:43:31You want me to get extreme pain no makeover on your ass.
00:43:33Where is she?
00:43:34Say something.
00:43:38Hey, listen. If you're going to beat information out of someone,
00:43:40you've got to be smart enough to let them answer.
00:43:42All right, right. Point taken. Point taken. Back off, man. Back off.
00:43:46Now, where is she?
00:43:49Go ahead.
00:43:50She's...
00:43:52She's dead.
00:43:55I didn't do it. She's...
00:43:56She can't be, man. She can't be.
00:43:58I'd like to kill you.
00:43:59And you can kill me, but it's not going to change what went down.
00:44:01Do it, man.
00:44:02No. No, I didn't.
00:44:03Do you know who fucking did it?
00:44:04Wendell Hatch.
00:44:05He was having an affair with her.
00:44:07He came to me to help him set up an alibi.
00:44:09No way. It can't fucking be Wendell Hatch, man.
00:44:11Man, that's bullshit, man.
00:44:13Couldn't be that little anal wart.
00:44:15Hey, think about it, Hannibal.
00:44:17Were there times when she wanted to meet people who you'd never met?
00:44:20What?
00:44:21Right?
00:44:22Did she want to take a shower before she was with you?
00:44:24Show me that. Jewelry.
00:44:26Did she ever have any new jewelry?
00:44:27A bracelet? A necklace?
00:44:30Shit.
00:44:31Fuck.
00:44:32Talk to me.
00:44:36She's fucking right.
00:44:38I caught her.
00:44:39I caught her with some big-ass fucking zirconian diamond earrings.
00:44:43She's fucking...
00:44:44Shit is right, man.
00:44:45It happens more often than you think.
00:44:47Come on, fellas. I know where he lives, man. Come on.
00:44:49What won't you remember?
00:44:50What about that time when we went to Gino's party
00:44:52and I told you we'd seen a...
00:44:55Don't do it, Hannibal. There's a better way.
00:44:57Better than shooting his ass.
00:44:59Better than you going to prison for avenging a girl
00:45:02who was fucking around on you.
00:45:04Better than you throwing away what you've got going on
00:45:07for a third strike that will get you the needle.
00:45:09The needle, motherfucker?
00:45:10What do you know about me, man?
00:45:11Are you smart? Huh?
00:45:13The needle, motherfucker?
00:45:14What do you know about me, man?
00:45:15Are you smart? Huh?
00:45:17What do you know about me? You don't know me, man.
00:45:19Yeah, the ink says you've been inside.
00:45:22And I know you drive to Hatch to pay for your tuition fees.
00:45:26Promise he goes down?
00:45:27I can make it happen.
00:45:28You better make it happen,
00:45:29because if he walks, I'm going to finesse him my way.
00:45:32You following me?
00:45:33You've made yourself very clear.
00:45:36That's all I wanted to do, bro.
00:45:39I said he made himself very clear.
00:45:42Almost capped my first one.
00:45:50Excuse me.
00:45:54Hello?
00:45:55Ray, my friend.
00:45:57Is this a bad time?
00:46:01It's a very bad time.
00:46:03Can you come by?
00:46:04I was hoping we could firm up some dates for our business.
00:46:08I can't tonight.
00:46:12I've got... I've got laundry.
00:46:15Tomorrow, then.
00:46:17Oh, and by the way,
00:46:19a gentleman contacted me regarding you this afternoon.
00:46:23What did he want?
00:46:24He wanted me to take you out.
00:46:26Well, I'm pretty sure I'm not your type.
00:46:29He wasn't some sodomite tea party, Ray.
00:46:36What did you say?
00:46:37I said it was out of the question.
00:46:39As we have unfinished business, you and I.
00:46:43What did he offer you?
00:46:45A man should always know his worth.
00:46:48Your asking price is $23,000.
00:46:53Tell Hutch you'll take it.
00:46:55Very impressive.
00:46:57But suicide is still a sin, Ray.
00:47:01Take the contract, at least I know he won't be hiring anyone else.
00:47:04You know, if I had Jack McGadden's whereabouts,
00:47:06you and I might never need to speak again.
00:47:09Five million dollars buys a lot of forgiveness.
00:47:13I'll see you tomorrow.
00:47:22Shit.
00:47:37Lucky for you, I didn't make any other plans tonight.
00:47:41What happened?
00:47:44Opera.
00:47:46What happened?
00:47:49I was carjacked.
00:47:54Doubtful?
00:47:57Care to try again?
00:48:00I don't think so.
00:48:01Doubtful?
00:48:04Care to try again?
00:48:07It was Hutch's driver.
00:48:11Why would he come after you?
00:48:13It's better if you don't know.
00:48:17I think I can decide what I can't handle.
00:48:27Well?
00:48:29Uh, it was Hutch's son.
00:48:34He spent last weekend in Santa Barbara,
00:48:37where he killed his date.
00:48:40And, uh, I, we were on the job.
00:48:45I got that guy Putty to take care of it,
00:48:48and now the cops are all over me,
00:48:50and a very bad man has been hired to kill me.
00:48:55Are you sure this job is worth it?
00:48:57It's not normally this bad.
00:49:03You ever consider asking your old partner for help?
00:49:08It's not so easy.
00:49:11Why?
00:49:12Because you're Jack McAdam?
00:49:17Makes a certain amount of sense.
00:49:20What that guy Putty said,
00:49:22your trip to San Francisco,
00:49:24how much it must have cost to start up your company,
00:49:28plus you calling Jack your boss
00:49:30when I really can't see you ever working for anyone.
00:49:35A woman can tell when a man's lying, Ray,
00:49:38if she's paying attention and if she really wants to know.
00:49:42And if I can figure it out,
00:49:44I might not be the only one.
00:49:47It's funny, um,
00:49:49you think I am Jack,
00:49:52the detective thinks I killed Jack,
00:49:54and the Mormon thinks I know where Jack is hiding out.
00:49:58So who's right?
00:50:01I know you won't believe me, Ray,
00:50:04but not everyone's working in Angle.
00:50:09Well,
00:50:11that may be,
00:50:13but for five million dollars,
00:50:15somebody might take a chance.
00:50:19Then I suppose you have a choice to make.
00:50:23I suppose I do.
00:50:37You look like a man with a problem.
00:50:41Several.
00:50:43Care to add to the burden?
00:50:46I need an alibi for Thursday night.
00:50:49Thursday night.
00:50:51Something extremely sturdy.
00:50:55Well, the only absolutely airtight alibi
00:51:00is death.
00:51:07What's happening Thursday night?
00:51:08I'm tired.
00:51:12Let me explain something.
00:51:14It, uh, helps if I know where you're going to be
00:51:17so I can pretend you're somewhere else.
00:51:20Help!
00:51:21Honey!
00:51:28Fine.
00:51:29I'll be at the Elroy Hotel.
00:51:33If that's all you get.
00:51:34And, uh,
00:51:36where would you like to pretend to be?
00:51:39Does it matter?
00:51:41It's your neck.
00:51:48Wow.
00:51:53Thank you, Adele.
00:51:56How about this?
00:51:58How about if I write you a check right now
00:52:00and we forget we ever met?
00:52:06You have five million in your checking account?
00:52:10Unless you're trying to tell me
00:52:11that Jack is already a non-issue.
00:52:14You wouldn't have me waste my time
00:52:16for a man who's already passed on to the
00:52:20greater Celestial Court,
00:52:23would you?
00:52:27Anything else, Ray?
00:52:30Not right now.
00:52:31Not right now.
00:52:42All right.
00:52:44So, uh,
00:52:46is this a social call?
00:52:49Business, actually.
00:52:51I've heard you want my boss dead.
00:52:53Excuse me?
00:52:54Please, Mr. Hatch, I'm on a deadline.
00:52:57Well, I kind of thought that you and Ray was...
00:52:59You thought wrong.
00:53:02Well, can I ask why?
00:53:04No.
00:53:07Now,
00:53:09your only problem is
00:53:10the man who you approached to get the job done
00:53:12is now working with Ray.
00:53:15You understand that there's a difference
00:53:18between wanting somebody dead
00:53:19and actually doing something about it.
00:53:23And here I thought that you were
00:53:24the proactive captain of industry type.
00:53:29My mistake.
00:53:30I won't waste your time.
00:53:34Okay.
00:53:35Okay.
00:53:37Okay.
00:53:38Okay.
00:53:40So let's say, uh,
00:53:42hypothetically,
00:53:43that I was remotely interested in this thing.
00:53:45Let's say hypothetically you show up here tomorrow
00:53:47with $100,000 cash.
00:53:52And?
00:53:54Should I bring something else?
00:53:59Your appetite.
00:54:00Come in.
00:54:02So, it's not a problem?
00:54:04For you, sweetie, nothing's a problem.
00:54:07Good.
00:54:09How's things with you and Ted?
00:54:11Oh, I don't know.
00:54:12Maybe I should have tried harder.
00:54:14Well, uh,
00:54:16there's no rule that says
00:54:17you can't make up with your husband.
00:54:20If you, uh, if you still love him.
00:54:23Wow.
00:54:25Did Ray ever tell you
00:54:27Wow.
00:54:29Did Ray Elliot actually just use the L word without smirking?
00:54:33I'm just saying.
00:54:35Oh, my God.
00:54:36Ray's got a girlfriend.
00:54:42To be honest with you, Dorothy,
00:54:45I'm not sure what I've got.
00:54:46Oh, sure you do.
00:54:53Ray.
00:54:54How's it going?
00:54:55Pretty much as I expected.
00:54:57Let's get rolling.
00:55:00All right, ladies.
00:55:01It's on.
00:55:03Yes, Mr. Sykes.
00:55:05That's right.
00:55:07Ray would consider it a personal favor.
00:55:10Oh, Wendell Hatch.
00:55:12Yeah?
00:55:13Detective Sykes, this is Detective Holbrook.
00:55:15We'd like you to come down to the station
00:55:16and answer a few questions.
00:55:20How well do you know Ray Elliot?
00:55:22He's involved in a missing person case we're working on.
00:55:24He is?
00:55:25What did he just say?
00:55:27A young lady named Heather Price.
00:55:29See, we believe Mr. Elliot
00:55:30took her to a bed and breakfast this weekend.
00:55:33She hasn't been heard from since.
00:55:36Mr. Elliot took her to a bed and breakfast?
00:55:39What do I always tell you about mumbling?
00:55:40No one can hear you.
00:55:43Seems like he's been spinning some tale
00:55:45to the Santa Barbara Police Department
00:55:46about how his credit cards were stolen,
00:55:48but we're pretty sure that he killed her.
00:55:51Thank you.
00:55:53You know anything about it?
00:55:55Why would you think that I would?
00:55:56One of the officers started talking to Mr. Elliot,
00:55:59and he said there was an altercation at the bar.
00:56:02Oh, I don't know him,
00:56:04but he works for my father, I think, sometimes.
00:56:08And I was in this bar, and he came in,
00:56:09and he was drunk, and he was really, really drunk.
00:56:13Were there words exchanged?
00:56:17Words?
00:56:18Yeah, words.
00:56:19You know, those things you use to form sentences?
00:56:22Only this time in a hostile context.
00:56:24Yeah, there were words, but it just, you know, like,
00:56:28hey, you jerk.
00:56:30You know, so it wasn't anything,
00:56:31but he did hit me out of nowhere.
00:56:33He just swung at me,
00:56:34and we didn't talk about a missing dead girl.
00:56:38That's what your question was.
00:56:43Okay.
00:56:45Okay.
00:56:46Okay.
00:56:48Thanks for clearing that up, Mr. Hatch.
00:56:50Well, um,
00:56:52I hope you find this guy,
00:56:53because that's terrible.
00:56:54Hey, you know what?
00:56:56We always get the bad guy, Mr. Hatch.
00:56:58As a matter of fact,
00:56:59the owner of the bed and breakfast
00:57:00is going to come in and take a look at some pictures.
00:57:02Great.
00:57:03You ever been to this place?
00:57:04Shady Grove in Santa Barbara?
00:57:06No, I haven't been.
00:57:08Hey, hey, hey.
00:57:09It's just routine, Mr. Hatch.
00:57:10We want to mix in some photos with Mr. Elliot's.
00:57:13You know, give the guy some faces to choose from.
00:57:15Look, it's good...
00:57:16I mean, don't you have to ask my permission
00:57:17before you do that?
00:57:18Well, you don't mind, do you?
00:57:19I mean, he's not going to pick you out,
00:57:20so what's the harm?
00:57:22No, it's just...
00:57:23Fuck.
00:57:24Detectives.
00:57:25Oh, don't.
00:57:26Excuse us for a minute.
00:57:36El Royote.
00:57:39Sorry about that.
00:57:41So what were you saying?
00:57:42Oh, nothing, nothing.
00:57:44I just remembered I have a thing.
00:57:45Thanks for coming in, by the way.
00:57:46Sure.
00:57:56Something like that?
00:57:58I think you've earned yourself a store credit.
00:58:04Shady Grove?
00:58:05Matthew Klump, please.
00:58:07Speaking.
00:58:08Mr. Klump, congratulations.
00:58:10Today is your lucky day.
00:58:12You have just won a night of total luxury
00:58:14in beautiful Los Angeles.
00:58:16And all for being a loyal subscriber to B&B Magazine.
00:58:19Yes, we'd remove all the outstanding items
00:58:21from your bill, plus give you a small credit.
00:58:23You got it.
00:58:24And those would be red roses?
00:58:26Yes, I'd like one dozen.
00:58:28Okay, no problem.
00:58:29Right, so deliver the envelope
00:58:31to the front desk of the El Roy Hotel?
00:58:33That's right.
00:58:36Adele, these flowers are a pale comparison to you.
00:58:41Listen to you.
00:58:42Love, Bob.
00:58:45Who's Bob?
00:58:47Bob's the guy who made the mistake
00:58:49of sending my wife flowers.
00:58:52Don't let her out of your sight.
00:59:12Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:59:13Where are you going?
00:59:14The dressing room.
00:59:16Unless you boys want me to strip right here.
00:59:29I was wondering when you were going to show up.
00:59:31Ray, I could just eat you up.
00:59:32Well, just hold that thought.
00:59:35Here's your gift certificate.
00:59:38Oh, that was from you.
00:59:42Ray, you are going to spoil me.
00:59:45You know, I think I am.
00:59:48Now, can you be at the El Roy Hotel tomorrow at 6.15 p.m.?
00:59:54I got us a room.
00:59:56Oh, no, I'd have to miss choir practice.
01:00:02I could write you a note.
01:00:07Okay, maybe I'm no Casanova.
01:00:10And maybe I'm in way over my head.
01:00:13But this was always Jack's job.
01:00:15I was the pencil pusher, the statistical expert.
01:00:19Unfortunately, being able to tell you
01:00:21that seven in ten murders are crimes of passion
01:00:23or three in four hitmen are hired by one spouse to kill the other
01:00:26isn't terribly relevant information.
01:00:29Unless, of course, you're the one they are hired to kill.
01:00:33Jack was right.
01:00:35I should never have gone straight.
01:00:43Uh, I need a piece.
01:00:47A piece of what?
01:00:49You know, a gun.
01:00:51Oh, why do you say that, Snoop Dogg?
01:00:54Let me show you what we got.
01:00:58You ever get the feeling you're running out of leads?
01:01:00This is Walsh.
01:01:01I mean, I'm a happily married mother of two
01:01:03and this guy's staring at my fucking left breast.
01:01:05I think we might have something.
01:01:07This guy I've had watching, Hannibal,
01:01:09picked up something going down this afternoon at the Elroy Hotel.
01:01:11Yeah? How good is your guy?
01:01:13Good enough to supply a room number. It's worth a look, right?
01:01:15Great. Let's go.
01:01:27Ray.
01:01:28Yeah, your boy's here.
01:01:30Any sign of Wandel?
01:01:31Not yet.
01:01:32You sure this is gonna work out, huh?
01:01:34You and your low-rent circus.
01:01:36Look at that. We ought to get that clown from Central Casting.
01:01:41I'm off to church.
01:01:42Shit.
01:01:43Ma'am, ma'am, you want to hang on a minute?
01:01:45Did you clear that with the boss?
01:01:47Well, I go every Thursday,
01:01:50but you can check it with the choir master if you want.
01:01:54You know, we got that thing.
01:01:56We got the thing we gotta do up.
01:01:58Don't be late.
01:02:03It's a new partner.
01:02:05It's the late, great Ray Elliott.
01:02:09And that's why, if we all stay cool, everything's gonna be just...
01:02:12What are you telling me to tell me to stay cool, huh, man?
01:02:14I am cool, right?
01:02:16Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey.
01:02:18A little piece of shit just arrived.
01:02:22Hey, hey, hey, hey.
01:02:24Hey, hey, hey, hey.
01:02:26Hey, hey, hey, hey.
01:02:28Hey, hey, hey, hey.
01:02:30Hey, hey, hey.
01:02:45Hey, dammit.
01:02:46Goddamnit, man. He's bailing. I told you he was gonna bail.
01:02:49Tell me what's happening.
01:02:50He just left. Look, if he did it your way, I'm gonna try it my way.
01:02:53How about that?
01:02:54We have to stick to the plan.
01:02:55Otherwise, people are gonna get seriously hurt,
01:02:57and Wendell will walk.
01:02:58Let's get out of here.
01:03:01Hey, Holmes.
01:03:02Is it cool if I park my car over there? Is that all right with you?
01:03:04Thanks.
01:03:05Thanks.
01:03:11All right, he's inside.
01:03:13So, uh, I brought what you told me to bring.
01:03:17I like a man that knows how to take direction.
01:03:22Why don't we go up to your room and talk?
01:03:28All right.
01:03:51Um...
01:03:54My grandfather is staying here.
01:03:57And, uh, what is your grandfather's name?
01:03:59Uh, Klump. Klump.
01:04:04Yes, sir. He just checked in.
01:04:09I'll just... Thank you.
01:04:13Sir.
01:04:15It's room 1015.
01:04:201015?
01:04:28Yeah.
01:04:29Mr. Klump, what are you doing here?
01:04:32I won a contest.
01:04:46Welcome to the Elroy Hotel. May I help you?
01:04:48Yes, you have an envelope for me.
01:04:50The name is McGillicuddy.
01:04:52Thank you.
01:04:56Here you are.
01:05:01Mr. Klump, this is very important.
01:05:07Exactly what kind of contest did you win?
01:05:11A magazine kind.
01:05:20Drink?
01:05:21Is that all you're offering?
01:05:22Whoa, whoa, whoa.
01:05:25Let's get the business out of the way first.
01:05:28You sure you still want to get rid of Ray?
01:05:30I am not a man prone to second thoughts.
01:05:34And you haven't found anyone else?
01:05:35No.
01:05:37Good.
01:05:39So how do I know you're for real?
01:05:42You'll never know for sure.
01:05:46But I promise you won't be disappointed.
01:05:51I promise.
01:06:13Adele?
01:06:16You son of a bitch!
01:06:19Stay here and keep an eye out.
01:06:20Sir.
01:06:34Whoever you are, somebody really wants you dead.
01:06:39Now, I don't know about you, Bobby, but I'm feeling pretty dirty.
01:06:42With that watch, huh?
01:06:49Come on.
01:06:57Ray.
01:06:58Hey.
01:06:59I was worried about you. Where have you been?
01:07:01Just covering our accounts as instructed.
01:07:05So I think I have something to tell you.
01:07:07I'm actually a huge opera fan.
01:07:12That's what you needed to tell me?
01:07:13But I've always preferred Carmen to Salome, in a way.
01:07:18Because in Salome, the hero loses his head,
01:07:21and in Carmen, the evil temptress is made to pay with her life?
01:07:24Uh, no.
01:07:26Actually, it's the opposite.
01:07:29Hey, Lola.
01:07:30Are you okay?
01:07:34Yeah.
01:07:35I'm ready.
01:07:36Come on.
01:07:48Excuse me, sir.
01:07:57Ice for champagne?
01:07:59Oh, forget the ice.
01:08:00Why don't you get in the tub with me?
01:08:02I know these things that we can do with the water jets.
01:08:05I'll tell you what trust me when I'm done with you. You're gonna need ice
01:08:11Can I help you yeah, I'm looking for Ray, I mean Bob he's a guest here
01:08:20I'm 1215
01:08:35I
01:08:44Have learned to not rely on a single person in this world
01:08:47And I'm not
01:08:49I'm relying on a dozen
01:08:52mostly cheats killers and cons
01:08:56And I happen to trust these people
01:08:59Or at least trust in their baser instincts
01:09:02Let's hope they don't disappoint me
01:09:05I
01:09:16Nice shoes. Oh, thank you
01:09:26I'm gonna pay for good boss. You better sit down
01:09:30But the most important thing I learned from Jack was that in the face of real danger
01:09:36Make certain that you are never ever around
01:09:53I don't like this
01:09:56Don't like this
01:09:58Mr. Klump, I think we need to get you out of here. Hello. This is detective Walsh officer needs assistance
01:10:04We're at the Elroy Hotel room 1015. I swear it was her
01:10:09I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna pray for God to write a record. I'm gonna kill him again
01:10:15You have a Robert in the hotel a Robert a Bob
01:10:20What is the last name sir? I don't know. Just tell me if there are any Roberts or goddamn Bob's in the hotel
01:10:27All right. We'll come down there and personally
01:10:30I have a first initial R. Yeah
01:10:33So you never thought would come down to this
01:10:37You try to cover all the bases do your homework at the end of the day
01:10:42You want to get out for the night you never do it
01:10:45No, I don't know why you're crying
01:10:47Hello?
01:10:50Hello?
01:10:54So, I never thought it would come down to this.
01:10:58You try to cover all the bases, do your homework, but at the end of the day,
01:11:04it's the people you trust.
01:11:08I'm not a huge proponent of that word.
01:11:10I prefer leverage to human nature, any day.
01:11:17Sometimes you just have to roll the dice.
01:11:26Come on in, the water's fine.
01:11:30I ask you a question.
01:11:32Shoot.
01:11:34It's a... figure of speech.
01:11:37You're almost done.
01:11:48Room service.
01:11:58It's over.
01:12:07Oh, my God.
01:12:09Your friend, the lowly?
01:12:18Oh, shoot.
01:12:40Listen, please, I swear to God, I've never seen this woman before in my life.
01:12:44My name is Robin Hatch.
01:12:46Bob Hatch?
01:12:47If you prefer.
01:12:48See these flowers?
01:12:49White down there?
01:12:55What's going on here?
01:12:57To be honest with you, I'm not quite sure.
01:13:00Hey, that's... that's the guy you all were asking about.
01:13:04I've never seen this old guy before in my life.
01:13:06He's last.
01:13:07What are you doing in his room with a gun?
01:13:10Hey, boss.
01:13:11What?
01:13:12It's 6.13.
01:13:16God bless you.
01:13:18Give me the other one.
01:13:27Don't kill him till I get back.
01:13:44I suppose we're out of...
01:13:46I suppose we're out of...
01:14:16Wait, wait, wait, where are we going?
01:14:26Don't worry, it's gonna be just fine.
01:14:29Step back into your suite.
01:14:47I don't know you, but you don't look that stupid.
01:15:09Housekeeping.
01:15:12Hello?
01:15:13Housekeeping.
01:15:15Hello?
01:15:43D.O.P., unknown proximate agent...
01:15:48Lola, come on, let's go.
01:15:53Lola!
01:16:04153 domestic and international warrants.
01:16:07Los Angeles FBI asserted...
01:16:09We have no idea who got you into the closet.
01:16:12The victim has been identified as Jack McAdis.
01:16:39Lola!
01:16:40Lola!
01:16:41Lola!
01:16:42Lola!
01:16:43Lola!
01:16:44Lola!
01:16:46Lola!
01:16:47Lola!
01:16:48Lola!
01:16:49Lola!
01:16:50Lola!
01:16:51Lola!
01:16:52Lola!
01:16:53Lola!
01:16:54Lola!
01:16:55Lola!
01:16:56Lola!
01:16:57Lola!
01:16:58Lola!
01:16:59Lola!
01:17:00Lola!
01:17:01Lola!
01:17:02Lola!
01:17:03Lola!
01:17:04Lola!
01:17:05Lola!
01:17:06Lola!
01:17:07Lola!
01:17:08Lola!
01:17:09Lola!
01:17:26When marimba rhythms
01:17:28Started to play
01:17:30Dance with me
01:17:32Make me swing
01:17:34Like a lazy ocean
01:17:36Hiking to the shore
01:17:37♪ Hold me close, sway me more
01:17:42What the hell was wrong with the other 15 bodies that I showed you?
01:18:02I just wanted to make sure it was a good match.
01:18:06You just couldn't stand the idea of you not leaving a good-looking corpse.
01:18:10Vanity's gonna be the death of you, Ray.
01:18:14Let's hope.
01:18:15♪ How the dancer may be on the floor
01:18:16That should cover the cops and any incidentals.
01:18:22It had some.
01:18:23Hey, Cam.
01:18:24Put him somewhere nice.
01:18:25It's not every day you get to bury yourself.
01:18:38What are you gonna do with the money?
01:18:46Assuming the Sultan actually pays what he says, I don't know.
01:18:50Five million is a lot of cash, but I'm a river to my people.
01:18:55And less of the warmed-over Lawrence of Arabia, sir, dear.
01:18:59You're from Boston.
01:19:00Where?
01:19:01I have people.
01:19:02Goodbye, Jack McCammon.
01:19:03May I rest in peace?
01:19:07Here's the news, Finn.
01:19:11If one in four men cheat on their wives, then three in four are faithful
01:19:16and an even more admirable nine in ten women.
01:19:19Not bad odds to play.
01:19:20So, no more Jack, no more alibis, no more worries.
01:19:27Just the thought of waking up every morning and hearing...
01:19:29You are such an asshole.
01:19:30Well, you know, sometimes it helps if you don't know the whole story.
01:19:31You're in business, not in relationships.
01:19:32I-I want you to be part of my new life, not my old one.
01:19:33So where should we go?
01:19:34Um...
01:19:35I don't know.
01:19:36But, uh, you said you'd already visited the Holy Land, so, um...
01:19:57I also mentioned that I'd show you not everyone is working in England.
01:20:02Noted.
01:20:03Let's try this full-disclosure thing and see how it goes.
01:20:04Yeah, you know, I'm not so sure about Asia.
01:20:05How's London?
01:20:06Not a good idea, I don't know.
01:20:07The Caribbean?
01:20:08Uh, it's some minor unfinished litigation.
01:20:09Paris?
01:20:10Yes.
01:20:11I've seen that.
01:20:12Okay.
01:20:13Amsterdam?
01:20:14Queensland.
01:20:15I just realised you're quite a bit taller than me, aren't you?