When Jason finds out his marriage may be falling apart before it starts, he sets out on a journey to find out what kind of a boyfriend he's been from his ex's. HD ( Comedy )
When Jason finds out his marriage may be falling apart before it starts, he sets out on a journey to find out what kind of a boyfriend he's been from his ex's. HD ( Comedy )
Category
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00It's better?
00:00:09It lacks excitement.
00:00:12You still don't like it?
00:00:14This is a big presentation.
00:00:17Maybe I've heard it too many times.
00:00:19I need the board to be 100% in.
00:00:21If they don't approve the next round of funding and next month's meeting, there won't be an
00:00:26A7.
00:00:27We can't keep flying the A6.
00:00:30You don't have to convince me.
00:00:32But if you don't convince them, two of us won't be here at the end of the year.
00:00:39We'll still be here.
00:00:44Punch it up.
00:00:54So?
00:00:59What?
00:01:01Tonight.
00:01:02Oh, dinner at seven?
00:01:07Then I'm going to do it.
00:01:10Have you thought about maybe waiting until we wrap up on this A7 deal?
00:01:17What happens if you get fired before the wedding?
00:01:22Do you think we won't get the deal?
00:01:24No, we will. We will.
00:01:26Yeah, we'll get it.
00:01:27I just, I worry too much.
00:01:31Go have a fantastic night.
00:01:33And text me if you get the chance.
00:01:39You're such a great friend.
00:01:41We make a great team.
00:01:45I'll text you.
00:01:47Yeah, he'll text you.
00:01:55Melissa.
00:01:57Over the last two years, you've changed my life.
00:02:01You've made me a better man.
00:02:03And showed me what real love is.
00:02:08We've created so many lasting memories.
00:02:11We've created so many lasting memories.
00:02:16From Cancun to Canada.
00:02:19I can't imagine having done it with anyone else.
00:02:22I know, we're still young.
00:02:25But if there's one thing I'm sure of,
00:02:28I love you.
00:02:29Phew.
00:02:39Will you make me the happiest man in the world,
00:02:43and marry me?
00:02:45I love you.
00:02:58Jason.
00:03:00Kyle?
00:03:02Why?
00:03:03I'm gonna throw up.
00:03:04Stop.
00:03:05It's not about Kyle.
00:03:07If you're having sex with him, it's like I'm having sex with him.
00:03:11Not exactly.
00:03:12What if you got pregnant?
00:03:14We'd be on Mari.
00:03:15Jason, you are not the father!
00:03:18Kyle and I only have anal sex.
00:03:21What?
00:03:23You told me you didn't.
00:03:25Just not with you.
00:03:29The first time you went there,
00:03:31you were touching it with your thumbs like it was a PlayStation button.
00:03:37Either go in or get out.
00:03:41A little navigation would have been nice.
00:03:56I'm sorry, bro.
00:03:59I didn't know you and Mel were serious.
00:04:04Maybe it's best you go and let Jason and I talk.
00:04:07Oh, yeah, no problem.
00:04:11No hard feelings, bro?
00:04:12Yes, hard feelings, bro.
00:04:17It's too bad, man.
00:04:28What was that, Mel?
00:04:33Jason, we need to talk.
00:04:40It's not you, it's me.
00:04:44So do you just have anal with him or was that just today?
00:04:47If we can't just talk, then you need to leave.
00:04:50Fine.
00:04:51Fine.
00:04:55Okay, wait.
00:04:57Let's talk.
00:05:00You should have called before you came over.
00:05:03We had dinner plans at...
00:05:06Now.
00:05:08You're right.
00:05:10I should have told you months ago.
00:05:13You've been sleeping with him for months?
00:05:15No, Kyle has just been a few times.
00:05:20Oh.
00:05:22Okay, I can get past that.
00:05:27But there's been a few others.
00:05:31A few?
00:05:33Two?
00:05:35No, two is two.
00:05:37A few is two or more.
00:05:43Look, it's not about how many.
00:05:46It's about you and me.
00:05:50The last two years have been...
00:05:55What I'm trying to say is...
00:05:57Wait.
00:05:59I have something to say.
00:06:07Melissa.
00:06:09Over the last two years, you have changed my life.
00:06:14You've made me a better man.
00:06:16And helped focus the direction of my life.
00:06:18Jason!
00:06:23It's over.
00:06:37It's over.
00:06:48I don't like this.
00:06:55Melissa.
00:07:07I never liked her.
00:07:10You're just saying that because she doesn't like you.
00:07:14She doesn't like me?
00:07:21I miss her.
00:07:25Don't be a loser.
00:07:27I need to get her back.
00:07:29You need revenge sex.
00:07:31Nothing helps a breakup better.
00:07:33It's clinically proven.
00:07:35Will you stop that?
00:07:36I'm not going to sleep with someone else.
00:07:39Melissa is.
00:07:41Probably right now.
00:07:45Don't you have to be somewhere?
00:08:06Do you have another brand?
00:08:08You're more than welcome to buy your own.
00:08:11I like these.
00:08:19Are you okay?
00:08:21Will you stop?
00:08:23I'm fine.
00:08:25I'm fine.
00:08:27I'm fine.
00:08:29I'm fine.
00:08:31I'm fine.
00:08:33I'm fine.
00:08:35Will you stop drinking all my beer?
00:08:38This is not a beer.
00:08:40It's a girl's drink.
00:08:55You're up early.
00:09:01Is this all you got?
00:09:02You're free to buy whatever cereal you want.
00:09:07Last night, I met these two girls on my last delivery.
00:09:12They invited me in and we totally got stoned.
00:09:16I'm going back tonight.
00:09:18Come with me.
00:09:20I'm good.
00:09:22But you gotta get out there.
00:09:28Okay.
00:09:32Okay.
00:09:50Hi, V.
00:09:52Hey.
00:09:53Are you avoiding me?
00:09:55No.
00:09:57I just...
00:09:58I didn't get much sleep.
00:10:03Yeah, well, you look like shit.
00:10:07Thank you.
00:10:11Are you sick?
00:10:15It's a long story.
00:10:19Well, when you want something, you really commit.
00:10:24What are you gonna do now?
00:10:28I don't know.
00:10:32You're a girl.
00:10:33How do I get her back?
00:10:35You want her back?
00:10:38Weren't you listening?
00:10:43So you go to propose and...
00:10:46you catch her having sex with another guy.
00:10:50Anal.
00:10:52In some countries, that's not considered sex.
00:10:56Then you find out that she's been cheating on you with a whole bunch of other guys.
00:11:00Well, not a bunch.
00:11:02A few.
00:11:05Possibly more than two.
00:11:09But she said that it was over.
00:11:14Why are you focusing on all the negatives?
00:11:19How did you get this fucked up?
00:11:25I thought you were here to help.
00:11:28I am.
00:11:30I am.
00:11:33You know what? I think you should go take a shower.
00:11:37Because the look and the smell is a bit much.
00:11:42That's a start.
00:11:46So you're telling me...
00:11:48in two years,
00:11:50she never once said,
00:11:52don't do this,
00:11:54or I don't like that.
00:11:58She did say that I treat her butthole like a penis.
00:12:02Like a PlayStation button.
00:12:04What?
00:12:07You know, it doesn't matter.
00:12:14You know, in most relationships,
00:12:16a couple of months go by,
00:12:18problems arise, and you just deal with them.
00:12:22It never happened.
00:12:32How many girlfriends have you had?
00:12:35Like, real relationships.
00:12:36Ones that have lasted longer than three months.
00:12:41Four.
00:12:43Or five.
00:12:46And Melissa, she's the longest.
00:12:50Four or five?
00:12:53That's a doable number.
00:12:57You know what I think you should do?
00:12:58I think you should go to them and ask them how you messed up.
00:13:03How I messed it up?
00:13:05Yeah.
00:13:07Get their opinion
00:13:09on you and the relationship.
00:13:11Find out what happened.
00:13:13You know, like,
00:13:16were you bad in bed?
00:13:19Or did you have bad breath?
00:13:21What did you store in your sleeve?
00:13:23Or dress funny?
00:13:25Did the parents hate you?
00:13:26Just ask them questions.
00:13:28It might...
00:13:30It might give you an answer as to why Melissa dumped you.
00:13:33You want me to
00:13:35ask all my exes
00:13:37why I'm a bad boyfriend?
00:13:39Yes.
00:13:42I don't see how this is helping.
00:13:44It's helping.
00:13:47Drink up.
00:13:49We are on the verge of a breakthrough.
00:13:51We are on the verge of a breakthrough.
00:13:59Oh, God.
00:14:21Dude.
00:14:23Thank you for not coming with me.
00:14:27What happened to you?
00:14:29Major hangover.
00:14:32Anyways,
00:14:33last night I went back to those two girls' house.
00:14:36At first,
00:14:37we were just sitting and talking.
00:14:38I was bored as shit.
00:14:40I was about to leave.
00:14:41Then,
00:14:42they started kissing right in front of me.
00:14:45Right.
00:14:46No bullshit!
00:14:47Then they look at me,
00:14:48and they go,
00:14:49do you want to join?
00:14:51Like that's a question?
00:14:53My first
00:14:55three-way.
00:14:57You're serious.
00:14:59Four boobs and two vaginas
00:15:00is a lot of responsibility.
00:15:02You gotta
00:15:04multitask.
00:15:06I'm glad it went well.
00:15:09I'm going back to sleep.
00:15:15Hey.
00:15:17I'm sorry you had to get drunk alone.
00:15:21I didn't.
00:15:22Veronica came over.
00:15:23Banger?
00:15:25We're just friends.
00:15:28Should've.
00:15:52I thought I might see you today.
00:15:56What happened last night?
00:15:59You don't remember?
00:16:04And I thought this was a good idea.
00:16:07Check your phone.
00:16:08It's in notes.
00:16:11We managed to track down all of your exes.
00:16:14We found out where they lived,
00:16:16where they work.
00:16:17You even went as far as mapping out an order.
00:16:20There should be a link at the bottom.
00:16:24I don't remember any of this.
00:16:28So you don't
00:16:30remember having sex with me?
00:16:35Did we?
00:16:40No.
00:16:41No, we didn't.
00:16:44This is gonna take a week.
00:16:46Four days.
00:16:47You already texted Tom and got the days off.
00:16:49What?
00:16:53I'm going today?
00:16:56Why wait?
00:16:57Just go and talk to them
00:16:59and then give me a call and tell me what they said.
00:17:01You're gonna need a female translator.
00:17:05This is crazy.
00:17:06No, this is necessary.
00:17:10Come on, just go home and pack.
00:17:12This is gonna be good for you.
00:17:15And no communication with Melissa.
00:17:18No texts, no calls.
00:17:21Not until you get back.
00:17:23Just give her a couple of days to.
00:17:28It's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
00:17:30Why put yourself through it?
00:17:32Veronica's right.
00:17:33I have no idea why any of my past relationships failed.
00:17:37Everything's good, and then overnight, done.
00:17:40That's why it's dating?
00:17:42That's why it's dating?
00:17:44It's a test drive.
00:17:46Check under the hood.
00:17:47Take it out on a trip.
00:17:50Well, if you have all the answers, then what's my problem?
00:17:53One thing.
00:17:54You date out of your class.
00:17:56What?
00:17:57The girls you date are too hot for you.
00:18:00You're average.
00:18:02They're above average.
00:18:06On what scale?
00:18:07On every scale.
00:18:08You're a quantity dater.
00:18:10I'm a quality dater.
00:18:14Ah, my objections have been stated.
00:18:17See you in a few days.
00:18:24Can I use your apartment while you're gone?
00:18:28What's the matter with yours?
00:18:30I have roommates.
00:18:32I can't get any privacy.
00:18:34Oh, I know the feeling.
00:18:40I'm sorry.
00:18:41I'm sorry.
00:18:42I'm sorry.
00:18:43I'm sorry.
00:18:44I'm sorry.
00:18:45I'm sorry.
00:18:46I'm sorry.
00:18:47I'm sorry.
00:18:48I'm sorry.
00:18:49I'm sorry.
00:18:50I'm sorry.
00:18:51I'm sorry.
00:18:52I'm sorry.
00:18:53I'm sorry.
00:18:54I'm sorry.
00:18:55I'm sorry.
00:18:56I'm sorry.
00:18:57I'm sorry.
00:18:58I'm sorry.
00:18:59I'm sorry.
00:19:00I'm sorry.
00:19:01I'm sorry.
00:19:02I'm sorry.
00:19:03I'm sorry.
00:19:04I'm sorry.
00:19:05I'm sorry.
00:19:06I'm sorry.
00:19:07I'm sorry.
00:19:08I'm sorry.
00:19:09I'm sorry.
00:19:10I'm sorry.
00:19:11I'm sorry.
00:19:12I'm sorry.
00:19:13I'm sorry.
00:19:14I'm sorry.
00:19:15I'm sorry.
00:19:16I'm sorry.
00:19:17I'm sorry.
00:19:28Hey!
00:19:30Where are you?
00:19:31I'm in San Diego already.
00:19:33It's Nicole tonight, right?
00:19:35How do you know her name?
00:19:37I have a copy of your schedule. I'm here to keep you on track, remember?
00:19:42So, how'd you meet?
00:19:44After ASU, I interned in San Diego for a year. I was at the beach one day, and I saw her walk by after surfing.
00:19:52That night, I saw her again at this gaslight bar.
00:19:56How long did you date?
00:19:58Maybe six months.
00:20:00And how did it end?
00:20:02One day, she said she couldn't see me anymore.
00:20:05Okay. Well, good luck. And give me a call after, okay?
00:20:10Okay.
00:20:11Bye.
00:20:35Hello?
00:20:56Jason?
00:21:00Nicole?
00:21:02Wow, how are you?
00:21:04I'm great. Still surfing, you know?
00:21:08This is so weird.
00:21:10Kind of like how we first met.
00:21:12Well, where you saw me and then stalked me to that gaslamp bar.
00:21:17The Tipsy Crow.
00:21:21So, are you still living here?
00:21:23No, I'm in LA now. How about you?
00:21:28I'm still living here.
00:21:30Duh.
00:21:32You look fantastic.
00:21:34Thank you. Life is good.
00:21:38So, what brought you down here?
00:21:41I just went through a breakup.
00:21:43I went to propose, and she was sleeping with my old roommate. Plus a few others.
00:21:47But not at the same time.
00:21:49So I got in the car and drove out of town to get away.
00:21:54I'm sorry. Probably way more info than you were looking for.
00:21:57Little.
00:21:59So, you have dinner plans tonight?
00:22:22If I'm being honest, this is my only good meal.
00:22:29If we're being honest, us seeing each other again wasn't exactly an accident.
00:22:34I know.
00:22:37How?
00:22:39I have a video doorbell. It records anyone that walks out.
00:22:43But when I left, I had no idea I would see you.
00:22:46That was complete luck.
00:22:48Right. Like when we first met.
00:22:52I'm sure you followed me to that bar.
00:22:54I'm sure you followed me to that bar.
00:22:58A hundred percent fluke.
00:23:00A fluke?
00:23:04A perfect coincidence.
00:23:18So why did you really come down?
00:23:24Do you mind?
00:23:41So I don't know if you remember, but I was married.
00:23:46I should have said no, but I got so caught up in the proposal and the family.
00:23:52She did you a favor.
00:23:59When we were dating, what was it about me that made you break up?
00:24:04Be brutal. I can handle it.
00:24:07So that's why you showed up.
00:24:09You're trying to figure out why she said no.
00:24:11What?
00:24:13Come on, Jason.
00:24:15Be honest.
00:24:16Be honest.
00:24:20Our breakup had nothing to do with you.
00:24:24It's not me. It's you.
00:24:26I mean, it's not you. It's me.
00:24:31Usually that's an excuse, but it was true.
00:24:36I met you right when my marriage ended.
00:24:39You showed up all young and cute and quirky.
00:24:43And young.
00:24:46I was just flattered that I was still noticed.
00:24:50What?
00:24:52You were like 27 surfer goddess and cooler than Beyonce.
00:25:00Thank you.
00:25:04But seriously, what happened?
00:25:08We were doing everything together for months and then you just broke it off.
00:25:13You want me to be brutal?
00:25:15Yes.
00:25:18I hope so.
00:25:19We had just gotten back from X-Fest and we started fooling around.
00:25:24It was a really good night.
00:25:26We were on fire.
00:25:30Your mouth was right by my ear so I can hear you breathing.
00:25:34And then you whispered...
00:25:36I love you.
00:25:37I thought you didn't, or like did and didn't want to, you know?
00:25:42Jason, I'm sorry.
00:25:45I loved feeling loved by you.
00:25:48I just knew there wasn't a future.
00:25:51Just bad timing.
00:26:08I should get going.
00:26:10Wait.
00:26:13I have something to show you.
00:26:31Remember these?
00:26:34Wow.
00:26:36Wow.
00:26:41I didn't come over here to do this.
00:26:43Shh.
00:26:44Just tonight and then friends.
00:26:47Nod if you understand.
00:26:50Mm-hmm.
00:26:51Good.
00:27:06I feel bad.
00:27:07All we did was talk about me.
00:27:09How's your life?
00:27:12It's how I like it.
00:27:14Simple.
00:27:16Simple?
00:27:18Are you dating anyone?
00:27:21I like being single.
00:27:24There's a few guys that I see but they know it's only temporary.
00:27:30Don't you think there's that one guy?
00:27:33I married him.
00:27:35Oh, right.
00:27:37I like the freedom to do what I want when I want, you know?
00:27:48Was I okay last night?
00:27:51In bed?
00:27:53You were great.
00:27:55Way better than I remembered.
00:27:58I'm sorry.
00:27:59It was way better than I remembered.
00:28:03You were like my sex, Yoda.
00:28:07How do you figure?
00:28:09Well, before you, I would just hop on and pound away, sort of like a fish out of water.
00:28:17But you taught me to slow down, to be in the moment, and make it about you more than just me.
00:28:22Sounds like me.
00:28:24Thank you.
00:28:26Really.
00:28:29I'm still a young Padawan, but I think I'm adequate.
00:28:34More than adequate.
00:28:37You're like a Jedi.
00:28:39Jedi?
00:29:00Hey!
00:29:02You were meant to call last night.
00:29:04Sorry. It got late.
00:29:06So, what did you find out?
00:29:08I said I love you too early. It freaked her out and that's why we split up.
00:29:13Makes sense. What else?
00:29:16She said I'm more than adequate in bed. And even better now.
00:29:20You had sex with her?
00:29:22It just happened.
00:29:24Yeah, right. What, she just told you?
00:29:26It just happened.
00:29:28Yeah, right. What, she just tripped and fell on your dick?
00:29:31No. She was showing me this pink underwear I got her and she started draping open her robe.
00:29:36No, no. I don't want to know.
00:29:39At least it wasn't Melissa.
00:29:42I didn't even think about her until just now.
00:29:45That's a step in the right direction.
00:29:48I'm not trying to forget about her. I'm trying to get her back.
00:29:51Hold on. Benji's calling me. I'll call you later.
00:29:53I'll call you later.
00:29:55Okay, bye.
00:29:57What's up?
00:29:59Dude, when are you coming home?
00:30:01In a few days. Why?
00:30:03I invited the three big girls over and they're impossible to satisfy.
00:30:07They never get tired.
00:30:10What do you want me to do about it?
00:30:13I need you to take one of them off my hands.
00:30:15One's doing a photoshoot. One's at the back.
00:30:17No fucking way.
00:30:19No way.
00:30:21Please, I need to sleep.
00:30:23I'll call you later.
00:30:27Come to the bathroom.
00:30:29Now.
00:30:31Okay.
00:30:53Fuck.
00:31:24Hello?
00:31:26We're closed until 2 p.m.
00:31:29Okay, sorry.
00:31:47Hey, Jason.
00:31:49Hi.
00:31:50Hi.
00:31:52I'm really sorry about this.
00:31:55I was just passing by and I wanted to see if you still worked here.
00:31:59Why?
00:32:01I was passing by and I thought, I wonder if Madison still works there.
00:32:05So I put in a little extra effort and parked.
00:32:09Now I know.
00:32:11Now you know?
00:32:16Do you have a few minutes so we can catch up?
00:32:18I have a lot of prep work before we open.
00:32:23Nice seeing you again.
00:32:42Hey.
00:32:44We close at ten if you want to come back and talk.
00:32:46Awesome.
00:32:48Yeah.
00:33:05Hello?
00:33:07Hey.
00:33:08Hey, who is this?
00:33:10Jason.
00:33:12Jason.
00:33:14Jason.
00:33:16College Jason?
00:33:18Yep.
00:33:20Why are you calling me?
00:33:23I was in town and I wanted to say hi.
00:33:27Jason, I gotta go. I'm gonna be late for work.
00:33:30Okay, maybe later.
00:33:36Or not.
00:33:43Ugh.
00:34:05Okay, so what's the deal? Do you need money?
00:34:07What?
00:34:08No.
00:34:10You're not dying, are you?
00:34:11I'm fine.
00:34:13Then what?
00:34:25I want to know what happened with our relationship.
00:34:28Why did we break up?
00:34:30You're looking for closure after four years?
00:34:32No.
00:34:35I just don't understand why any of my past relationships failed.
00:34:38You came all the way here just to ask me that?
00:34:41You won't hurt my feelings.
00:34:51My parents hated you.
00:35:03Really?
00:35:05Parents love me.
00:35:06Usually more than the girl I'm dating.
00:35:08I thought they'd like you too, but you fucked it up.
00:35:14How?
00:35:16You really don't remember.
00:35:23Mini golf.
00:35:25You mean when you cheated?
00:35:28I didn't cheat, you toad.
00:35:29You couldn't stand the fact that I beat you.
00:35:32You moved the ball more than six inches.
00:35:34That's a penalty.
00:35:36You didn't have a roller. You guesstimated and guesstimated wrong.
00:35:40Why are you getting so mad?
00:35:42Because it was under six inches.
00:35:45So why don't your parents like me?
00:35:49The first and only time I took you to meet them, you brought it up.
00:35:53In fact, you spent the entire night talking about me cheating in mini golf.
00:35:57They seemed interested.
00:35:58Not interested. You went on and on about the six inch rule.
00:36:01So that's why we broke up?
00:36:03Yes.
00:36:05Mostly.
00:36:16Wow.
00:36:18I am really sorry, Molly.
00:36:21I appreciate that.
00:36:26I get the competitive thing from my brother.
00:36:28He's the 6'5", muscular version of me.
00:36:31The only way I could ever win at anything is if he cheated, and I could prove it.
00:36:36Siblings can be tough.
00:36:41But six inches is six inches, cheater.
00:36:44Sorry.
00:36:46That wasn't funny.
00:36:50It's sort of funny.
00:36:54I'm sorry.
00:36:55It's sort of funny.
00:36:59How good are you at Ms. Pac-Man?
00:37:11You know, you look good.
00:37:14Thank you.
00:37:16You look amazing.
00:37:18Like, even better than before.
00:37:19Okay, no more asking.
00:37:20No more asking.
00:37:24Dating anyone?
00:37:26Sort of. It's convenient for now. I'm so busy at work.
00:37:32What do you do?
00:37:34Property management. 300 units.
00:37:38Sounds like 300 problems.
00:37:41You got it.
00:37:43Last year I bought my first apartment building.
00:37:46Nice.
00:37:47Six units over in Arcadia, not far from Old Town.
00:37:51Are you going to be the next real estate tycoon?
00:37:54We'll see.
00:38:00What are you doing tonight?
00:38:03I was thinking we could go play some mini golf.
00:38:06You're an idiot.
00:38:09No, I'm visiting another one of my exes. I dated her before you.
00:38:13Oh, so you didn't come here just to see me?
00:38:18No, I'm doing a whole road trip thing.
00:38:21To see your exes?
00:38:23Yep.
00:38:25What the fuck is wrong with you?
00:38:43I'm sorry.
00:39:10Are you Jason?
00:39:11Yes.
00:39:13Do I know you?
00:39:15What are you doing here?
00:39:19I'm meeting a friend.
00:39:22I know that. Why?
00:39:27She's a friend from a few years ago.
00:39:30Hey Einstein, you've answered everything except my fucking question.
00:39:34I see you've met Angela.
00:39:37Oh, we were just getting to know each other.
00:39:42We lived together.
00:39:46Oh, we didn't get that far in the conversation.
00:39:50I met Jason in high school. He was the nicest guy.
00:39:54I bet he was.
00:39:57I saw her again in college.
00:40:01My car battery died and he offered to jump me.
00:40:04I bet he did. What are we doing here?
00:40:08She's so jealous.
00:40:12Oh, I didn't realize you're together together.
00:40:17I'm no threat. In fact, I'm getting married.
00:40:21Let me see a photo.
00:40:23What?
00:40:25If you're getting married to this girl, you have to have a few pictures of her.
00:40:42Are you satisfied?
00:40:45You're going to be late for work. Go.
00:40:50It was nice to meet you.
00:40:52Likewise.
00:41:00Chug your beer.
00:41:02We're done?
00:41:04I've been here all day. Let's go somewhere else.
00:41:06So how long have you been dating girls?
00:41:08Pretty much always.
00:41:10You're the only guy I went out with.
00:41:12No.
00:41:13Yeah.
00:41:15Why me?
00:41:17Well, my mom liked you.
00:41:20And remember when we went to prom?
00:41:24My mom was so happy to put up the prom pics in the living room.
00:41:30Yeah.
00:41:31Does your mom know now?
00:41:33She always knew. She was kind of just waiting on me.
00:41:38You only dated me to make your mom happy.
00:41:41Oh, I should know. That came out wrong.
00:41:43I always liked being with you.
00:41:46You always were real.
00:41:52To being real?
00:41:54To being real.
00:41:56Out of all my girlfriends, you were really my best friend.
00:42:00There was always something about us that was just so in sync.
00:42:04That's because we both like pussy.
00:42:07To pussy.
00:42:09I'll drink to that.
00:42:17I'm sorry.
00:42:19I'm sorry.
00:42:21I'm sorry.
00:42:23I'm sorry.
00:42:25I'm going to have it for dessert later, too.
00:42:31So we know that you say I love you way too early.
00:42:35Correct.
00:42:37And that you are a stickler for rules.
00:42:39Maybe a bit too much.
00:42:43And that moms like you, except when your obsession for rules shows its ugly face.
00:42:49And the girlfriend that I thought I was closest with was actually just a friend.
00:42:56Are you having a good time?
00:43:00It's a little outside my comfort zone.
00:43:03But I'm glad I'm doing it.
00:43:05Good.
00:43:08So, what did you do tonight?
00:43:16I went on a date.
00:43:19Oh.
00:43:21Great.
00:43:23Yeah.
00:43:25That's okay.
00:43:27Do you want details?
00:43:30Nah, I'm up early tomorrow and heading back to L.A.
00:43:35Kate.
00:43:37Kate.
00:43:40I'm going to get some sleep.
00:43:42Hey, Jason?
00:43:44Yeah?
00:43:49I'll talk to you tomorrow.
00:43:52Good night.
00:43:53Night.
00:44:23Good night.
00:44:53Good night.
00:45:24Good night.
00:45:26Good night.
00:45:54Jason?
00:45:56Hey, Kate!
00:45:58Hey.
00:46:00How are you?
00:46:02Sorry, I'm all sweaty.
00:46:04Me too.
00:46:06Not like we haven't been sweaty together before.
00:46:09I remember.
00:46:11Sex in Arizona.
00:46:14I remember.
00:46:16You remember?
00:46:18Yeah.
00:46:19I remember.
00:46:21Sex in Arizona.
00:46:24Um, I meant living in Arizona.
00:46:27Oh.
00:46:29I just thought...
00:46:31It's good to see you.
00:46:33Do you live around here?
00:46:35No, I'm in Culver City.
00:46:37But I like trying new places to run.
00:46:39Yeah.
00:46:40Gotta stay fit.
00:46:42Well, it was great seeing you again.
00:46:45Um...
00:46:47We should catch up sometime.
00:46:50How about right now?
00:46:54Uh...
00:46:56Yeah.
00:46:58I guess.
00:47:00We could do it another day.
00:47:03You probably have plans.
00:47:05No, it's my day off.
00:47:09You sure?
00:47:11Yeah.
00:47:17How?
00:47:19I haven't been able to find this anywhere in L.A.
00:47:22I know. I found it in some random little shop in Echo Park.
00:47:27You got me addicted to this stuff.
00:47:29I haven't had one of these in years.
00:47:36So good.
00:47:47Do you remember our first date?
00:47:49We bought a six-pack of chihuahua.
00:47:51Sat in your convertible till sunrise.
00:47:54Talked about all the great things we were gonna do.
00:47:57Yeah.
00:47:59Yeah, you said that space travel was gonna make a return.
00:48:03And you were gonna be the guy who was in the belly of the beast when it happened.
00:48:07How do you remember that?
00:48:09It's a gift.
00:48:12So, what did you actually end up doing?
00:48:13I'm in the space program.
00:48:15Shut the fuck up.
00:48:17So, I've had sex with an astronaut?
00:48:20I wish I could check that off your bucket list.
00:48:23I'm the flight director at Rocket Dynamics.
00:48:26Our rockets put satellites in orbit.
00:48:28You know, I don't know anyone who actually did what they wanted to.
00:48:32You always knew.
00:48:35You were my only girlfriend who thought it was cool.
00:48:38I did.
00:48:39I mean, it would be way cooler if you were actually an astronaut, but...
00:48:46I'm really proud of you.
00:48:49You were the most driven person I've ever met.
00:48:52What are you doing now?
00:48:59Um, are you hungry?
00:49:02At all?
00:49:04We have a cool new rocket coming up.
00:49:07What's it called?
00:49:09The A-7.
00:49:11Nice. And so, how fast do these rockets go?
00:49:14Top speed is 27,000 kilometers an hour.
00:49:17Unreal.
00:49:19And what do you do?
00:49:21I'm the guy that says, go for launch.
00:49:24And you?
00:49:26I'm the guy that says, go for launch.
00:49:29And you?
00:49:31I'm the guy that says, go for launch.
00:49:33But if I say, go, I better not have messed up.
00:49:37I'm impressed.
00:49:39And you know I'm not easily impressed.
00:49:41Oh, I remember.
00:49:44Our fourth date, and still no sex.
00:49:47You made me show you something that made me worthy of your vagina.
00:49:51It wasn't like that.
00:49:54But my vagina is worth it.
00:49:57You needed to impress, and you did.
00:50:00That's one of the few things I'm good at.
00:50:04Definitely not sexy, though.
00:50:07Yeah, no. Not sexy.
00:50:12But it worked.
00:50:29What?
00:50:31You still have it?
00:50:33It was a gift. Why wouldn't I?
00:50:49You still got it?
00:50:51It may not be as impressive now.
00:50:54Yeah, I'll be the judge of that.
00:51:03Okay.
00:51:26Not bad for out of practice.
00:51:31Come here.
00:51:34What?
00:51:36Come here.
00:51:45So I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to say I've had sex with an astronaut.
00:51:51Fine with me.
00:51:53I probably should have asked.
00:51:56Are you seeing anybody?
00:51:59I was.
00:52:02In fact, I almost asked her to marry me.
00:52:05And what happened?
00:52:08She was having sex with my old roommate.
00:52:13Oh.
00:52:15I'm sorry.
00:52:17I'm sorry.
00:52:19I'm sorry.
00:52:20Oh.
00:52:22I'm sorry.
00:52:26Enough about me.
00:52:28What about you?
00:52:31Do you remember what my plan was?
00:52:33Totally.
00:52:35I bet we remember differently.
00:52:39Our junior year at ASU, before Christmas, you told me you wanted to be the head of media relations at a Fortune 100 company.
00:52:48Not 500, but 100.
00:52:52That's pretty good.
00:52:54Do you remember why?
00:52:57You loved when a company like that got in trouble.
00:53:00The media relations person would come out and put a public spin on it so crafted, it made the whole public regain confidence again and the stockholders relax.
00:53:19I'm sorry.
00:53:21Did I say something?
00:53:48No.
00:53:59I just freaked you out, didn't I?
00:54:01No.
00:54:04Jason.
00:54:06A bit.
00:54:09Okay, you freaked me out.
00:54:13What did I say?
00:54:15Okay, I'm going to tell you something that I've never told anyone.
00:54:18Okay?
00:54:19Okay.
00:54:25My freshman year I was broke and had to make tuition.
00:54:29You were on a full ride.
00:54:32No, not the first year.
00:54:34I had to earn it.
00:54:36So by Christmas I was broke.
00:54:39Tuition, housing was due, I had to buy books.
00:54:44And I found out that a bunch of girls in the dorm had sugar daddies.
00:54:51But instead, I started doing cam modeling.
00:54:55No modeling required.
00:54:58I would get men off in private chats.
00:55:05You don't want to hear this, do you?
00:55:07You can tell me anything.
00:55:08Well, after the first few days, I figured out a way to make a lot of money.
00:55:13The longer I could keep guys on a private session, the more I made.
00:55:17So I got really good at controlling the pace.
00:55:21And after two months, I paid off all my bills.
00:55:24I quit, I finished top of my class, and I was on my way.
00:55:35And of all people, I didn't prepare for damage control.
00:55:39My first big interview after college was amazing.
00:55:45You know, I got offered a great salary, stock options, benefits.
00:55:51Pending a background check.
00:55:56But how did they find out?
00:55:58You didn't use your real name, did you?
00:56:00No.
00:56:02Where I fucked up is I used a photo from my cam profile from a Cancun vacation.
00:56:07That same photo was on my Instagram and Facebook.
00:56:10Where for a savage search?
00:56:16Every interview after that was pretty much the same.
00:56:19I was the most qualified person in the room until the background check.
00:56:23Sometimes I'd get a, you know, thank you but no thank you email.
00:56:28But usually I was just ghosted.
00:56:30I'm sorry.
00:56:33You're so talented.
00:56:34Fuck, Fortune 100, 200, how about 500?
00:56:39Keep going.
00:56:41I finally got hired at a Fortune 1000 company.
00:56:44Took them two months to find out.
00:56:47Got fired and walked to my car.
00:56:50My boss said he was sorry.
00:56:52And then he hit on me, right there in the parking lot.
00:57:01I need a drink.
00:57:03I need a drink.
00:57:18Well, all I have left are Rita's margaritas.
00:57:32Thanks.
00:57:43What?
00:57:45I wish you could see you the way I see you.
00:57:53Jason, I may have made a mistake not keeping you in my life.
00:58:00It never would have worked.
00:58:02Really?
00:58:05Us astronauts get the ladies.
00:58:08What can I say?
00:58:12Well, I'm really glad you're here.
00:58:15Me too.
00:58:28Hey.
00:58:30Are you home?
00:58:32I lost your place last night.
00:58:34Oh, I'm just leaving Kate's now.
00:58:39Hello.
00:58:41Well, what did you learn from sleeping with Kate?
00:58:44Who says we slept together?
00:58:46Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that...
00:58:49We did, several times.
00:58:51Well, you might just go for a trifecta this week.
00:58:56Well, this was all your idea. Why are you getting so upset at me?
00:59:00I'm going home.
00:59:02So far, just go see Izzy and try to keep it in your pants.
00:59:08Nothing's going to happen with her. She's the shy one.
00:59:11We dated for like a month before doing anything and never with the lights on.
00:59:15Why?
00:59:17She was a little heavy and it's always bothered her.
00:59:20She's really sweet, though.
00:59:22So why'd you break up?
00:59:25I don't know.
00:59:28You know what?
00:59:30Go see Izzy, find out, and then call me.
00:59:33Okay? I want a full debriefing tonight.
00:59:35Okay, but you can't get mad at me.
00:59:39Call me.
00:59:58Mrs. Sack!
01:00:03Hi. Does Izzy still live here?
01:00:09Jason?
01:00:12Izzy?
01:00:14What are you doing here?
01:00:18Funny story.
01:00:23So, what are you doing here?
01:00:26So, why do you think that we broke up?
01:00:33I can't remember.
01:00:35You were always so nice, I don't even remember arguing about anything.
01:00:39I used to please men by being agreeable.
01:00:43We can eat wherever, that movie's fine, another blowjob, sure.
01:00:49It's not like I'm busy studying or anything.
01:00:56But with me specifically, do you remember?
01:01:00I remember everything about every guy I've dated.
01:01:04Pigs.
01:01:07Did I treat you bad?
01:01:11Nothing major.
01:01:14When you shaved, you would leave all those little hairs in the sink.
01:01:18And after you ate, you would take your plate and put it on the counter on top of the dishwasher.
01:01:25And I know that this is picky, but you would leave your dirty socks next to the hamper.
01:01:31Not even next to it, touching the hamper.
01:01:35Why didn't you say something?
01:01:37Because I'm a sucker!
01:01:39Every time we had sex, it started off with me giving you a blowjob.
01:01:44How about returning the favor?
01:01:45I did.
01:01:48Twice?
01:01:50Twice.
01:01:52And I used to send you these cute texts with specific things that I loved about you, just to make your day a little bit better.
01:02:01They did.
01:02:03Then send something back better than a fucking thumbs up emoji!
01:02:09I'm sorry, Izzy.
01:02:11I didn't know.
01:02:12I didn't know.
01:02:16It's okay.
01:02:18Men are stupid.
01:02:22So, what do you do for work?
01:02:31How about I show you?
01:02:43You want to try it?
01:02:45No charge.
01:02:48It's not my thing.
01:02:50How would you know if you've never tried it?
01:02:55I'm pretty sure I wouldn't like it.
01:02:57You're a fucking pussy.
01:03:00What?
01:03:02I can loan you some of my panties in case you're feeling a little bony.
01:03:06No, I just...
01:03:08I said try it!
01:03:10Okay.
01:03:16This is going to hurt a little.
01:03:18This is going to hurt a little.
01:03:24This is going to hurt a little.
01:03:47Hey. How'd it go? It was painful. Did you hit the trifecta? I want to tell you in
01:04:01person. Could I meet you somewhere? Yeah, I'm about to head out. Meet me at
01:04:08Lansing Park. Okay, Lansing Park, 30 minutes. Hey V. Yeah? I missed you. I hope
01:04:21that's not weird. No, me too. All right. Bye.
01:04:38What are you doing here? We need to talk. How'd you know I was here?
01:05:07Where is he? I can't tell you. Lansing Park, Lansing Park. Sit.
01:05:22First, I want to say sorry about what happened and I want us to forget all
01:05:27that, okay? Okay. Why? Well, over the last few days, I asked myself, what do I want?
01:05:40Me? Not exactly, but I realized I might have to compromise. You'll never be a
01:05:49Jason Bateman or Jason Statham, but you could be a Jason Biggs or a Jason
01:05:56Schwartzman. I'm sure they're nice people. Where are you going with this?
01:06:03Hello! You're not very smart for a rocket guy, are you? Let's pick up where you
01:06:09came over to propose, but instead of what happened. Kyle having butt sex with you.
01:06:15That is not being productive. Imagine you came in and I was looking fabulous.
01:06:23What would you have said to me?
01:06:29Hi, Melissa. You look great. Are you hungry? No. Do you have the ring? Yeah. Do the
01:06:38get down on one knee part with the ring.
01:06:45You know, a lot has happened over the last few days. I've been thinking a lot
01:06:50too. I think we might need to spend some time apart. Jason, please. Do you know how hard it was
01:06:58for me to come here and admit that I was wrong?
01:07:11Melissa, over the last two years, you've changed my life. You've made me a better
01:07:16man and helped focus the direction. I heard this part. Let's get to the end.
01:07:23Melissa, will you make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?
01:07:38Sure.
01:07:41Jason, what are you doing? Who are you? Oh, she's just a girl from my work.
01:07:58You two deserve each other.
01:08:02Did she just insult me? Jason, look at me.
01:08:15Who was that? I'm gonna go. I want some answers.
01:08:25Melissa, it's not you. It's me. Goodbye. You'll be back.
01:08:45Asshole.
01:08:48So you messed up. Call her, say you're sorry. I did. Text? I stopped after seven.
01:09:03Nothing? Go to her house, buy her flowers, and beg for forgiveness. No, I'll see her
01:09:15at work tomorrow.
01:09:25Whatever happened to those three white girls? I couldn't get rid of them. I had
01:09:34to fake a penis injury. Then they lost all interest and left. I discovered I'm a
01:09:42one-girl guy. Crazy week. Tomorrow is a new day. Things always work out the way
01:09:51they should.
01:09:59Diana's gonna help get the presentation finished until Veronica gets back. What?
01:10:04Where's Veronica? You haven't talked with her? I assume you knew before I did. Knew
01:10:11what? So where are we with the changes? I want to score the presentation. Stock
01:10:20music sounds sort of stock. Wait, when is she coming back? I didn't talk to her. Are
01:10:28you good changing the music? Wait, where is she? Jason, I had her job before she
01:10:35did. I got this. Where are you going? I'm going to get Veronica back. Without her
01:10:44there is no presentation. No offense, Diana. Can't you just call her? That was a
01:10:56relationship reaction.
01:11:06Phone rings.
01:11:18Veronica? Can I explain? I'm sorry. I know it looked like I was proposing, but I wasn't
01:11:31gonna go through with it. The truth is, the whole time I was gone, the only one I
01:11:39was thinking of was you. I don't know how I didn't realize this sooner, but I love
01:11:49you, V. I always have, since the first day I saw you. I was just scared if we got
01:11:59into a relationship and it didn't work out. No one stays friends. Will you give me a chance,
01:12:08please? I think you blew it. Who are you? I'm Carrie, V's sister. V's been talking
01:12:27about you for the last two years. To you? My whole freaking family knows about Jason
01:12:34from the party. What party? The 2018 Christmas party. Heard it a thousand times.
01:12:47What'd she say? That you and V snuck into the lounge with a bottle of Jack, talked
01:12:54so long that everyone at the party left. About right. Talked about family and kids.
01:13:02And when the time was right, you looked into her eyes and leaned in for a kiss. You don't
01:13:08have to say it. And you threw up all over her and you! I'm bad with hard alcohol. Obviously.
01:13:20And what did she do? She took you home, got you cleaned up, and put you to bed.
01:13:30You blew it. At least you would have with me.
01:13:35But she still loves you. I don't know why. She said that? She said that out loud? In a sentence?
01:13:45I have to be honest, I'm not that impressed. Where is she? She went on a trip with this guy Mitch.
01:13:53He's been asking her out for months.
01:13:59Where? I promise not to tell you.
01:14:04I need to talk with her. Sorry, we're family.
01:14:14Dude. We need to talk.
01:14:44I'm sorry how shit went down.
01:14:51I'm your boy and I've had your back. But you smell. You're missing all your interviews.
01:15:00And I hear what goes on here every night. What? You want me to say it?
01:15:07You're vacuuming off loudly or crying. Usually both.
01:15:22It's time to take a shower. Call the people that for some reason keep trying to interview you.
01:15:30And get on with life.
01:15:34You're a good friend.
01:15:38Yes, I am.
01:15:43This is for your own good.
01:15:47Who is it?
01:15:51Diana?
01:15:53You look horrible.
01:15:55You came over to tell me that?
01:15:58I'm VP at Pacific Aerospace now.
01:16:00I'm VP at Pacific Aerospace now.
01:16:03I heard.
01:16:05Really? Because my HR guy has been trying to get you in for months.
01:16:12I was going to call him back. I'm taking a few months off to figure out what I want to do.
01:16:19You know, Tom still blames you for not getting the board's approval on the A7 money.
01:16:25I hope that's not why you got fired.
01:16:27No, I just realized that if you didn't have a penis, I wasn't getting promoted any higher.
01:16:34A lot of dick at the top.
01:16:37So, what do I have to do to get you to come work with me? We have better pay, better benefits.
01:16:45How do you see me fitting in?
01:16:48Before, we were always chasing number one. But at Pacific, we are number one.
01:16:55And I need you to keep us there.
01:17:00I always thought I wanted to be in the space program. And I did it.
01:17:05But I think I want to do something else now.
01:17:08I'll double what you're making.
01:17:11Yes.
01:17:14It's not about the money. I need to find something else.
01:17:19At least think about it. You know more about the space program than anyone I know.
01:17:24The world needs your talent. Don't just walk away.
01:17:35I'll think about it.
01:17:38Is that a maybe?
01:17:42Is that a maybe?
01:17:44It's a yes.
01:17:46It's a no. I spent the last week thinking through my options and I need to make a change.
01:17:51Come on, Jason. Give us a try.
01:17:54Just tell me what you want.
01:17:55I want to be happy.
01:17:57Well, I can't help you with that.
01:17:59I respect your decision and if you change your mind, let me know.
01:18:03I'm sorry it didn't work out.
01:18:05I... I know.
01:18:09I'm sure our paths will cross again.
01:18:11I hope so.
01:18:14Take care, Jason.
01:18:16Thanks, Diana.
01:18:54Bye.
01:19:05Mr. Jason.
01:19:09I have a question.
01:19:12I'm sorry. Class is over.
01:19:14Oh.
01:19:16But I can stay if you need some private tutoring.
01:19:19Okay.
01:19:20Well, I have a question about why you became a teacher.
01:19:26Okay.
01:19:27So I looked you up online and I thought it was kind of strange that you would go from
01:19:33a high-paying job to a book deal that made you even more money to a teacher.
01:19:39We all know that teachers don't get paid very much.
01:19:42Well, I will give you an A for research.
01:19:45I...
01:19:48I saved what I earned as a flight director and after a very successful book deal, thank you,
01:19:55I retired.
01:19:58Doesn't look like you retired to me.
01:20:01This?
01:20:04This is fun.
01:20:06I get to get students like you excited about science and space.
01:20:12And I'm working on book two.
01:20:15Well, I am a big fan of the first book.
01:20:18Where does Captain Beansprout go this time?
01:20:22I don't want to give it away, but where no sprout has gone before.
01:20:30I do have one complaint.
01:20:32What?
01:20:34Well, it just seems that Captain Beansprout must be lonely up in space all alone.
01:20:41Was there ever a co-captain bean or a squash or a carrot?
01:20:49Well, there was a co-captain bean, but it didn't work out.
01:20:56Why not?
01:21:00The captain didn't know what he wanted until it was too late.
01:21:05She ran off with some tomato.
01:21:07Not a tomato.
01:21:14I would love to hear more about the book.
01:21:18Is there any way that I can schedule some out of class time?
01:21:23So how'd things go with Mitch?
01:21:28We dated for a few months and then when he asked me to move in with him, I penned.
01:21:34Sort of like saying I love you too early.
01:21:37Right, yeah. Everything is about timing.
01:21:42I'm sorry I threw up on you at the Christmas party.
01:21:46What? What made you think of that?
01:21:55When I met your sister, she told me that you were a good person.
01:22:01When I met your sister, she took great pleasure in reminding me.
01:22:07Yeah, she's got an evil streak.
01:22:10She does.
01:22:12It's really good to see you though.
01:22:16You too.
01:22:19Too long.