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00:00:00When I was ten, my family moved to America.
00:00:25Shortly thereafter, I learned a valuable lesson about love.
00:00:30Hey new kid, wanna play a card game called 52 pick up?
00:00:37Pick it up, dick for brains.
00:00:49She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
00:00:53I felt instantly a manly love.
00:01:04Then she broke my heart.
00:01:07I vowed never to let love hurt me again.
00:01:10Today, I am a master of love.
00:01:14Your book, 52 Pick Up, is basically a how-to guide for men to pick up women, is it not?
00:01:19It is, yeah.
00:01:21And you claim that your book will help men pick up a different woman every week for a
00:01:28year?
00:01:29Yeah, it's really that simple.
00:01:31All they have to do is follow my three simple rules of engagement, that is trigger her interest,
00:01:36play indifferent, and go for the kill.
00:01:41Are you aware how degrading that is to women?
00:01:44I mean some could say it reduces us to mere objects who could be easily tricked into bed.
00:01:49I mean how would you respond to such allegations?
00:01:51How do I respond?
00:01:55Guilty as charged.
00:02:20She just can't...
00:02:34Oh, what the hell is that?
00:02:37That's a dog.
00:02:40Oh, no.
00:02:49Oh
00:02:59Hey, what's up, Ruben? Hey, what's whoa? Take it easy, bro. I do we just met here. Hey
00:03:19I
00:03:34Thank you for coming dude, you've changed my life
00:03:37That's the whole point. I used to live my parents basement and only thing I scored was my Xbox
00:03:45but now
00:03:46I'm scoring with my
00:03:49I
00:04:02Owe you so much your book has helped me overcome this
00:04:07Tiny penis what?
00:04:09No
00:04:11I'm talking about my lack of stylus, but that's I mean your tiny lack of stuff. I don't know
00:04:16I don't know why I said penis. I'm just that's exactly what I don't know. I said you're an asshole. I'm sorry
00:04:21I'm I'm sure you're packing. I think he's on holding an apple. Yeah
00:04:35What a collection of losers today, huh worse than usual, yeah
00:04:39Okay, those losers are the reason you live in a million-dollar house and wear custom-made suits. It's okay. I still love them
00:04:45It's a terrible lovable loser. Yeah, and and hey, hey, you know what? You should show the man a little more respect here
00:04:51Okay, he's making your company a lot of green and you know what? We haven't signed the contract for that third book yet
00:04:55So don't touch me. Okay, Steve
00:04:58Polly here has a right to her opinion. Okay, it's Molly
00:05:02But Steve is right I was out of line and won't happen again, it's all good. Bye. It's all good Molly
00:05:09We sold over a hundred copies. That's great Nana. Yeah, those losers really eat this shit up
00:05:16I
00:05:18Wrapped my number in it if you want to get with a real woman. Give me a call
00:05:34Well, hey, hey, listen, I almost forgot they asked me if you want to participate in this charity fashion show really
00:05:40Yeah, how much you play? No, that's for charity. All the models are gonna be celebs
00:05:45Interesting. Yeah. Yeah, it's gonna be some big names there. You know, what might allow me to broaden my fishing ponds
00:05:52And you've got quite the Paul, huh?
00:05:55Dude I know that was I know. Yeah. Yeah, we won't don't worry. All right
00:05:59All right, the second it came out of my mouth. Oh, oh
00:06:03Hey, wait a minute
00:06:15Get out of here fancy
00:06:34Everybody
00:06:46Oh
00:07:00What
00:07:02Hello. Hello
00:07:04Do I know you how do you know my name? Does that really matter?
00:07:10Well before of course in the jackets of my book, okay, you want an autograph
00:07:16I'm here to ask you something
00:07:19Yeah, you see I don't really carry cash. I don't want your money. What do you want?
00:07:25You don't really respect women. Do you?
00:07:31The Steve Burns put you up to this, where is he?
00:07:34Not just on your bedpost. Yeah, my bedpost. In fact, I don't even have bedposts on my bed. So
00:07:42That's a metaphor
00:07:45Oh
00:07:47I get I'm being punked on I this is brilliant. Where where are you? Come on now, where's the film crew?
00:07:57You know, I'm tired of this no more games, okay, give me what I'm here for and what are you here for?
00:08:04Me. She's I don't think that's gonna happen
00:08:07To me that you can see the beauty and all women the beauty beneath the surface
00:08:12Kiss me. No offense you crazy old bat, but what am I dick dropped off? All right
00:08:18What?
00:08:20yourself
00:08:22I
00:08:45You don't think kids do when they like each other
00:08:48Well, okay, then how about we talk business maybe a few strawberry daiquiris discuss that third contract, what do you say
00:09:00And then two of my eight cats they got in this really big fight it was just horrible
00:09:05I ended up having to take mr. Muggles to the vet and then we had to put it down
00:09:09I'm really happy for you
00:09:15I thought some models were required to be anorexic, but you look just so goddamn healthy
00:09:21Wait, are you saying that I look bad? No. No, that's that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying you look really healthy
00:09:28Oh my god
00:09:30Shouldn't have been in this puppy cheese thing. You're holding yourself. You know, you're not a human humans are flawed
00:09:37Wait, I still don't have flaws
00:09:39No, I'm saying that I think you're gorgeous, but just don't worry about what anybody else thinks about you
00:09:44Wait, you think people are talking about me? Oh
00:09:47You know what? These bitches are
00:09:56Thinking about getting out of here soon. It's just getting a little little toxic
00:10:06Hey, would you like to come back to my place? It's like five minutes away
00:10:36I
00:11:06I
00:11:36Oh my god, I'm a
00:12:06Oh
00:12:08Oh
00:12:10Where are you going?
00:12:12Oh
00:12:35Steve you need to get to my place right away. How was this?
00:12:40Eddie dumbass really
00:12:43Who is this? Um, yeah, you just need to get to Eddie's place as soon as you can. Why?
00:12:50Because he wants you to join us in a threesome
00:12:53Really?
00:12:55He's never asked me that before are you in or what I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in
00:13:09I
00:13:39I
00:13:51What
00:13:54Wow
00:13:56Look at you
00:13:57Well, your stud service has arrived
00:14:01Huh? I studied go to karate. Ah
00:14:04ki, I
00:14:05by the way
00:14:07Yeah
00:14:09So, where is he?
00:14:11Funny thing about that
00:14:13Hey
00:14:15You back here
00:14:17So, where's he? It's me Steve Eddie
00:14:21Okay, yeah, hey you back here I
00:14:26Standing right in front of you
00:14:28Okay, I get it. You're hot. I don't know what's going on here
00:14:33But if you don't tell me where it is, I'm gonna have to call cops. Okay, listen to me Steve
00:14:38I really don't know what happened last night. I fell asleep and when I woke up I was this
00:14:48Beth McDonald
00:14:52What was that your crush in middle school Beth McDonald the one that got away
00:14:58Okay, it is the only one who knows that see all that proves is that he told you about her. Okay, how about Jessica Levine?
00:15:05You lost your virginity to her in 10th grade and cried like a little baby that's cuz she bit my dick
00:15:14Okay, what's good did he tell you my whole life story Steve it's me Eddie stuck inside a chick's body
00:15:26Okay
00:15:28Fine, if you're ready, tell me this two years ago. We took a trip to Vegas
00:15:32We got really drunk with some strippers and they dared us to do something really disgusting the next day we swore
00:15:38We swore we would never talk about it again
00:15:42Really?
00:15:43Really Steve you want to make me say this out loud?
00:15:47Hey
00:15:48If you're ready
00:15:50Well, you'd know all about it
00:15:58Excuse me, what was that?
00:16:01We gave each other handjobs a happy what ready
00:16:10Wait a minute
00:16:13Impossible. Let me help
00:16:16How did this happen? I don't know
00:16:19Like I said, I fell asleep at Alexis last night after banging her up and down and when I woke up I was a chick
00:16:31Well
00:16:33At least you're hot
00:16:34Shut the fuck up
00:16:36Wait
00:16:37You think I'm hot? Oh, yeah, I do. So you would have sex with me knowing it's me Eddie inside this body
00:16:44Hey if the Vegas what have I got to lose?
00:16:47Good point, right so, you know mine can I see the whole package?
00:16:52Maybe you know minus the clothes, but I am NOT taking my clothes before you. Okay, fine be that way
00:16:58I have to say my breasts are really perfect
00:17:07See
00:17:16I'm a first man. Okay. I said we need to figure out what happened to me. Okay
00:17:28Okay
00:17:30Let's figure this out. Let's think about the last 24 hours. Yeah, you had the book signing
00:17:36Yeah, you had the release party get sex with the supermodel. Nothing unusual. Okay, then wait what?
00:17:45Homeless woman get sex with a homeless one. No dumbass
00:17:48I was outside the building before the party and this homeless woman came up to me
00:17:52She knew my name said
00:17:54Said I don't respect women didn't see there in a beauty some shit like that
00:17:58Then she asked me to kiss her
00:18:03That's the thing I mean I blew her off just fucking hideous I
00:18:10Would have fucked her
00:18:13Twice
00:18:15She must have put spell on me, that's the only thing that makes sense
00:18:19Okay, so we are looking for a homeless woman with magical powers
00:18:24I mean, I don't know I guess so maybe she was a witch a witch. Did she have a broom?
00:18:30No
00:18:31But she did have a really big walking stick her magic wand
00:18:37You know magic wand. Yeah, right. Well, all these magical powers. Why was she still so ugly?
00:18:42What I mean, the first thing you do is make yourself hot, right? What's that got to do with anything?
00:18:47What's that got to do with anything? Ah, wait a minute
00:18:49No, because if she was hot would have been easy for you to kiss her my god
00:18:53This lady's slick got to tell you if she was here. I'd give her some props. You're an idiot
00:18:59That's it what
00:19:01We have to find her. I mean you should tell me into a chick and she can tell me back again
00:19:06Wait a minute. Listen to me
00:19:07You know how hard it's gonna be to find a homeless woman in the city by trying to find a virgin in a whorehouse
00:19:11Okay, listen to me Steve. We either find her or I'm stuck as a chick, but I don't know how long
00:19:17Maybe forever doesn't worry me because you're kind of hot
00:19:20dude
00:19:21Me and you not gonna
00:19:25Not until I slip you a few minutes I
00:19:28Still say she had magic powers
00:19:30You use them not to be homeless or maybe searching for her homeless shelters as part of the test. Yeah, but not the fun part
00:19:36Can I help you? Yeah. Hi. We're trying to find a homeless man. This is a homeless shelter
00:19:41We have about 40 of them. She's really old. There's about 30 of them. She's really ugly
00:19:47Look, this is really important
00:19:50You see I?
00:19:52Think she took something of mine
00:19:54So let me get this straight
00:19:56Some poor homeless woman
00:19:58She's not homeless
00:20:01I think she took something of mine
00:20:04So let me get this straight some poor old homeless woman who's probably struggling to survive took something from you
00:20:14So what you want me to do I make our clients line up so you can pick her out oh my god
00:20:19That would be so great. Thank you
00:20:22Have you ever heard of sarcasm skippy
00:20:25That shit ain't happening. Well, can we at least have a look around? No, you can't be looking around in here
00:20:31Okay, what do you expect us to do?
00:20:33What I expect you to do is to take your skinny sorry asses and get up out of here
00:20:38I don't
00:20:39What's going on here?
00:20:43These two claim that a homeless woman stole from them and they want us to line up our clients like a bunch of criminals
00:20:50So they could pick her out. Well, that's not exactly true
00:20:52Hi, I'm Jeff white. I'm the manager. Hi, I'm Ed
00:20:56Nah green leaf. So why didn't you tell me what's going on here?
00:21:01Okay, the other night I ran into this homeless woman on the street. She was really ugly
00:21:06Anyway, I think she might have taken something of mine. I see
00:21:11And what would that be if you don't mind my asking
00:21:17It was
00:21:19It was her identity
00:21:23She took your identity. Mm-hmm. Oh, it's kind of hard to explain
00:21:28You you mean your ID? That's right her ID. Oh
00:21:32Oh, well, I guess I can see why you'd want that back. Yeah, no, right. So, um, can you describe her for me?
00:21:38Yeah, um, she's about 80 years old. She this wild gray hair and this really big crooked nose
00:21:44Oh, yeah, she's this massive wooden walking stick. Yeah, like a magical wand
00:21:49Like a magic wand. Mm-hmm
00:21:51What a plain Jane, huh? No, you should've asked her out. What she was a five at best. Yeah, but together you'd make it
00:21:58Oh, you're an asshole
00:22:00Five shelters and no sign of her
00:22:02Buddy, I gotta tell you I'm starving me Marvin. You know what I'm saying? It's gonna be harder than I thought
00:22:10Look uh
00:22:12Look uh, she's up. Maybe get a little Thai food. Maybe it's just that what some Thai food man. I'm starving. Come on
00:22:22Okay, okay
00:22:27Look listen to me
00:22:28We will find this homeless woman this witch
00:22:31Whatever it is you think she is we will find her. Yeah, but what do I do until then? I'm a chick steve
00:22:42Well, you know what embrace it embrace it yes eddie embrace it
00:22:49I mean come on man. Think about it a chance for you to see what it's like on the other side
00:22:54Right embrace that
00:22:58And hey, maybe a good time to do a little research for your third book
00:23:05Yeah, there you go i'm starving i'm going
00:23:12So
00:23:24Good morning
00:23:26How can I help you? Hey guys, man
00:23:28Um, look, we're here to get my sister here some chip cleans. He she
00:23:33Needs a little of everything
00:23:35Fabulous, you've come to the right place
00:23:38What is size? Uh, so it's irregular
00:23:42Just kidding. Um, i'm a size two. Yeah, sure. Great. Okay
00:23:55So, uh, you guys are from russia, right
00:24:01That cool in winter is so cold we pray global warming
00:24:08Oh
00:24:10Well something wrong
00:24:12Yeah, this is messed up wrong size you tell me
00:24:19Holy
00:24:20shit
00:24:22This is good fit
00:24:23So it's supposed to feel like someone's cutting you in half with a rusty butter knife. Yeah, pretty much
00:24:29I mean I have to admit
00:24:31Do you like how this just makes the goods?
00:24:34Sparky like better chipmunk
00:24:38Steve what do you think?
00:24:40Marry me
00:24:41Oh, shut the fuck up. No, i'm serious marry me because you and I we make a great couple
00:24:46What happens when I go through the change? I'm not giving you any more hand jobs
00:24:51She's really not my sister
00:24:53Americans, no, no, no, she's actually a little more like my brother
00:24:57I'm, sorry, but you might turn it around and give me a look at that. You're an idiot
00:25:08Oh
00:25:26You really got my attention
00:25:31You made me stop what I was doing
00:25:34Yeah
00:25:36You made me look in your direction, yeah
00:25:43Hey eddie
00:25:44How you doing, man? Good. Nice to see you. Uh, eddie ed edna edna eddie edna. My pleasure
00:25:51Oh firm handshake, buddy. She needs the works. What do you think?
00:25:55I mean give her the works and put your we don't have to really do much just do her hair, right?
00:25:58Right. Yeah, but I got an amazing hairstylist my wife your wife
00:26:03Yeah, she's amazing you'll be more than happy that's wonderful. Thank you. Thank you so sweet
00:26:10Come on out baby someone to meet somebody you snapped. I know what that means. I know I know excited, right?
00:26:17Edna
00:26:19This is james edna james the best welcome to only the best eddie james. He starts by finish always a happy ending
00:26:27And james are we doing anything with him i'm fine it's all about her yeah, it's her today. Yeah
00:26:36No, no, no, don't come on don't even
00:26:39Me not today you snap and look at him the way you just looked at him. No, it's really about her. Yeah
00:26:45Which is why i'm having a context a conversation with my husband. You're flirting. Oh, no, i'm not babe
00:26:52You know, you're the one for me
00:26:54You
00:26:56Anyway, i'm, sorry. Yes, that's what I need and enough of that sweetheart. Listen, let's get you started. Don't worry about this
00:27:02That's between him and I we'll take care of you. Just fine. You're in good hands magic hands. Come with me
00:27:08Do your magic, you know I do
00:27:12So when the husband snapped I have magic to perform so i'm gonna give you a little
00:27:20Oh gosh, I don't know you know what i'm gonna do i'm gonna give you more waves than a hawaiian surf competition. How does that sound?
00:27:30Steve what do you think?
00:27:34It's hot hot it is hot steve, I mean look at her but then look at you
00:27:41How about I do you next handsome, okay, i'm good
00:27:45I'm good. Come on. Let's change work is magic. I'm good steve. I promise I won't hurt you
00:27:54Unless you want me to okay
00:27:58Is it gonna hurt oh don't worry it's like giving head to a babushka
00:28:03Okay, one
00:28:05two
00:28:14Wow, he she deserves it
00:28:38Last time i'm sharp with you. Here we go
00:28:45So look i gotta get back to the office but listen to me i'm meeting molly at the gc marketplace
00:28:50We're gonna discuss the contracts of your third book. So
00:28:53If you care to join us for a drink
00:28:56I'm not hitting on you, right eddie. Look I get it
00:29:00You ready? You're not heading. I get that. I mean
00:29:02I must have lost my mind. I mean
00:29:05You think about it. The situation's a little scary, right? Yeah, you can say that again. Okay, so
00:29:10We talked about this embrace it. Mm-hmm. Maybe see what it's like on the other side. You're right
00:29:15And maybe wear that slinky black dress with the high heels in the park
00:29:40Yeah
00:30:10So
00:30:35Hello
00:30:37Hi
00:30:38Are you new here?
00:30:41Yeah, i'm only
00:30:44I've never seen you here before
00:30:47Do you think you have some lotion on my back, please? Okay
00:30:52Rub me really good
00:31:08Oh
00:31:16Problem with the machine
00:31:17No problem with these
00:31:19I'm, not used to running with them. You just get them done
00:31:22Yeah, you could say that
00:31:24Well kudos your doctor. They uh look totally natural. Oh, you think so? Yeah. Yeah
00:31:28I mean i'd have to feel them to know for sure
00:31:30Excuse me. Yeah, what do you say after working out me?
00:31:33Go back to my place, huh?
00:31:36unbelievable
00:31:37Come on, babe, I have a penis
00:31:58Well, so I end my set I walk off the stage I start looking for this young lady
00:32:04Well, she's sitting at this bar just like you
00:32:08And then I walk up holding these panties and I say I think these belong to you
00:32:15And she says well actually she starts laughing though she says actually
00:32:21They're a gift from my grandmother. So I have to take another look and then I realize they're granny panties. Yeah big ones
00:32:30Well, anyway, you got my number, huh, all right, so give me a call I see gorgeous
00:32:35Okay
00:32:36Wait a minute, aren't you frank?
00:32:40Who's that guy frank, right, I knew it he doesn't remember me we had this night and he was dark and he was uh,
00:32:49I'll tell you about it some other time back to business beautiful not gonna happen
00:32:54As in not gonna happen ever
00:32:58As in never ever ever ever
00:33:01Ever so I guess that's enough. I'd rather die. Okay get to the point next time
00:33:09Um
00:33:26Holy shit
00:33:28Hi, uh molly morrison. Technically nice green leaf
00:33:33Yeah, i'm eddie's sister
00:33:35Oh
00:33:37It's nice to meet you. Yeah, really nice to meet you. She's great. Great. Great. What the fuck did you do?
00:33:44Well, what what happened sweetheart? You're just a little I had a little bit of trouble, you know a little bit
00:33:49Don't wear makeup much. Ah, it's my first time
00:33:53I mean me and eddie we're from almond country. Come on clownish country
00:33:58again
00:34:00Interesting. No. Hey, look what is interesting ladies? It's normal. No, okay
00:34:07What are we doing?
00:34:10You ever heard of vandy
00:34:14He's got no ears, what do you know how you guys doing hey dreamboat
00:34:21No, not you shipwreck just talking to
00:34:23To be a connection
00:34:36What took you guys so long we're almost about the day the fuck does that have to do with anything
00:34:42Rome I like that show
00:34:44I watched that show. Yeah drink. Let me get a drink
00:34:48Oh
00:34:53Hey, isn't that that chick from the homeless shelter jess something yeah, I think so
00:35:02Wonder why she's here alone who cares
00:35:05I think i'm gonna go and say hi. What why?
00:35:08Uh to be polite
00:35:11You I mean, yeah
00:35:13Go ahead fine, then i'm out of here. Okay, sounds good. Yeah me too
00:35:19Wait a minute, how would you like a ride? I think i'm going right, you know
00:35:24Okay, how about you give me a ride home because I don't have a car
00:35:33You know, I saw this article today
00:35:36Hi
00:35:38Hi, do you mind if I join you, uh, do we know each other? Yeah, we met the homeless shelter
00:35:44I was looking for that woman who took my id
00:35:47Oh, that's right. Your name was uh
00:35:49edna
00:35:51Yeah, no edna. Sure. Have a seat. Thanks
00:35:57It's jess right? Yep. So are you here alone? Oh, no
00:36:03All right
00:36:06Uh, you want some
00:36:08Oh, good. Thanks. So did you ever uh find that woman you were looking for? No, not yet
00:36:15You got the
00:36:17What you got
00:36:21Thank you
00:36:30Can I ask you something yeah sure
00:36:32Are you hitting on me?
00:36:34I'm, sorry
00:36:35I mean
00:36:36i'm flattered and all but um
00:36:39I'm, straight
00:36:40Yeah, so am I
00:36:42Oh
00:36:44Oh my gosh, i'm so sorry. It's
00:36:46It's fine. Don't worry about it. Well, in fact, it's been a while since um, since anyone hit on me really
00:36:53That is hard to believe
00:36:56Okay, it's all about confidence
00:36:59You have to believe you're the most attractive desirable person in the room. Yeah, that's uh about me
00:37:05Okay. Well, there's always liquid confidence
00:37:10Liquid confidence. Mm-hmm
00:37:14Thank you
00:37:29Oh
00:37:33Okay, jess you see that guy over there at the bar
00:37:39I want you to go over there and talk to him
00:37:44No
00:37:45No, wait, come on. What is the worst that's gonna happen?
00:37:49I'll try to flirt and and he'll he'll laugh so hard that he he falls off his chair and
00:37:56Bears his head and and he's a coma
00:38:01Wow, you've got quite an imagination i'm just saying I I can't come on jess come on
00:38:13You are a smart confident woman and that guy he would be so lucky to date you
00:38:20i'm a
00:38:21smart confident woman
00:38:24No, okay, okay, wait
00:38:27Do you need those glasses?
00:38:30Oh, yeah, see
00:38:32Okay, they're fine
00:38:34Okay, you look great
00:38:43Woo
00:38:54Hi, hey
00:38:58Watching the game. Yeah, i'm watching the game
00:39:04I'm jess dylan
00:39:08So dylan do you um
00:39:11Come here often
00:39:13Look
00:39:14I bet you're a really nice person, but I have a girlfriend and i'm a little bit busy right now. So i'm i'm sorry
00:39:22I i'm really sorry
00:39:25Freaking dodgers
00:39:27Biggest payroll in baseball and they're playing like minor league
00:39:30Tell me about it. I know
00:39:32Bet you could hit better than bradley
00:39:34I look better doing it
00:39:38Dylan edna edna. Can I buy you a drink? Yeah. Sure. What would you like to have? Um,
00:39:44dirty martini
00:39:46extra dirty
00:39:48Uh, papa, can I get a dirty martini extra dirty, please?
00:39:54So edna, how come i've never seen you before? It's my first time in here. Oh, I guess it's my lucky day. I guess it's mine, too
00:40:02Thank you
00:40:05Can I ask you a question sure shoot
00:40:09Are you single matter of fact I am I see
00:40:18What the hell come on just keep going she's a right wanker
00:40:30That was awesome, I really was you see that guy down
00:40:36Down to the ground
00:40:38You just snorted. Oh, i'm, sorry
00:40:44Why are hot guys like that
00:40:47What do you mean, you know like
00:40:51Like superficial dirtbags
00:40:54I know right
00:40:56Well, why do you think that is? I I don't know. I mean men, right?
00:41:02men
00:41:03I mean
00:41:04Do you want me to give you a ride back to mine?
00:41:07Is it um, are you okay?
00:41:11Are you all right
00:41:17Look it's cheese fries. I mean, are you all right? I'm gonna take you back to mine
00:41:37In times like these I sometimes feel
00:41:39Like my heart is flesh and blood not made of stone
00:42:09So
00:42:11Welcome to adult warehouse the paradise for sexually active adults
00:42:15um, hi, uh, I was kind of just
00:42:18You know wandering outside and thought i'd come and have a look. Don't worry. Nothing in here. Bye unless you want it to
00:42:24Grab one. Do you have any questions? We're here to serve you. Yeah
00:42:28Um, do you guys have anything you can recommend if you want to you know, get your amelia erhardt on
00:42:33Uh, sorry, she means fly solo. Yeah. Yeah that wonderful right this way
00:42:48This is where you'll find your beaver buzzers magic wands pussy plungers hamburger helpers and wacky wobblers
00:42:54Personally, I like the butterfly. It really makes me squirt and I like the butterfly too
00:43:00You can even get one with a butt plug makes you wonder why you put up with guys in all their games it really does
00:43:08Hey
00:43:09That blow up dolls for display purposes only. Yeah, we're talking to you pal
00:43:17School principals
00:43:20Well, have fun fine to see if you have any more questions
00:43:24All right
00:43:28Holy shit
00:43:48Need some help. Yeah, thanks
00:43:50Oh
00:43:52Never been here before
00:43:54Well, I think they have a a policy you knock it to the floor. You bought it. I guess i'll have to throw a party
00:44:00i'm matt
00:44:02edna
00:44:03i'm here to find a gag gift for my
00:44:06My buddy's bachelor party. Wow, if you're looking to gag someone I think this might do the trick
00:44:11Wow, I think they modeled that on someone. Oh, yeah
00:44:14seabiscuit
00:44:17Wow a girl who knows her horses, that's really unusual. Yeah
00:44:22i'm pretty unusual really
00:44:25Okay
00:44:25I know this might seem forward and all but what would you think about meeting me for a cup of coffee sometime?
00:44:31Now you don't have to decide right now here's my card you get thirsty you give me a call
00:44:40And uh, it doesn't have to be coffee it could be tea whatever you like it's on me
00:44:47I
00:44:50Think i'm gonna fix him up with jess. Mm-hmm
00:44:54An investment banker not bad. It's pretty good looking too
00:44:59Okay, is that eddie you're in the token? I'm just saying
00:45:04So, uh, wow, where'd you meet him
00:45:09Where yeah, where what is it a secret?
00:45:13No
00:45:15So, where'd you meet him
00:45:20I don't warehouse. I mean I had to get out of here before I wore out my nipples
00:45:24Oh, really? Yeah, I get that. The question is did you buy anything?
00:45:29What I mean eddie
00:45:32I mean really I said embrace it but I just this will kill you
00:45:36I thought it might be useful for my third book, you know third book third and final book. What are you doing yourself here?
00:45:42my god, I mean
00:45:45You embraced it
00:45:47Okay, I just gotta tell you this the whole thing i'm not feeling
00:45:52Too good about this. Well, I just wanted to test my female parts, you know
00:45:56I'm out of here pal. You got your own now
00:45:58That's just too much
00:46:01So
00:46:12Don't worry, okay, we'll find a place for you to sleep tonight even if you have to come home and stay at mine, okay
00:46:20Edna hi. Yes. Do you want to go wait by there?
00:46:25Just stopping by I found you a date
00:46:27You did
00:46:29Nice nice looking successful good sense of humor. What do you think?
00:46:33I don't know. Oh, come on. Jess. You asked me to introduce you to someone. I know
00:46:39So what's the problem? It's just I don't think I can take any more rejection right now. Okay
00:46:51There are a few things we could do to improve your chances, what do you mean do you trust me?
00:46:59Yes
00:47:03When I get done with
00:47:05You are going to attract more men than pre-menopausal madonna. Oh, you really think so? I know so you see these hands
00:47:14These are magical hands and they should be registered with the magicians guild of america trust me jesse's the best that's what he said
00:47:23Oh
00:47:28Okay, here I come
00:47:35Wow
00:47:36You become beautiful
00:47:40Thank you butterfly or whatever
00:47:43Are you sure it's not a little too revealing? No, no
00:47:47It's the perfect amount of revealing
00:47:50Now you're ready become trophy wife, oh that's not my goal
00:47:57All you have to do is be yourself, I mean that's a lot to like you think so more than you know
00:48:06Can I ask you something
00:48:09How come you haven't tried to fix me up with your brother with eddie
00:48:14um
00:48:17Because I don't know when he's coming back
00:48:19Where did he go?
00:48:21Eddie
00:48:22went to prison
00:48:28Shut up
00:48:32Oh my gosh, i'm so sorry, it's okay it must be really hard on your family. Yeah it is
00:48:41Can I ask what he did
00:48:44Eddie's a fraud. I mean like he committed a fraud
00:48:50Yeah
00:48:52Foreign
00:49:18I was thinking of taking Eddie's place in a fashion show
00:49:22It's for a good cause, right?
00:49:25No, I was out with jess
00:49:27We went and got pedicures
00:49:29My feet have never looked so good
00:49:33What I am not sending you a picture of my feet goodbye steve
00:49:41I mean, what's the big deal with this thing?
00:49:52So
00:49:57Okay, remember you and matt hit it off just say the code word and i'll make an excuse to you banana, all right later
00:50:08Hi, hi, I hope you don't mind I brought along a friend. This is jess
00:50:14This is matt. Hi. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you
00:50:17So what would you guys like to drink? No, no, no, no, let me get this
00:50:20No, no, no, you guys you guys chat get to know each other. I'll go get the drinks
00:50:24Okay, uh cappuccino. Cool
00:50:36There you go pay at the register
00:50:41What can I get started for you, uh two cappuccinos, please
00:50:47Here you go, hey that's for you
00:50:51Oh, you got to get those uh, young ladies used to getting flowers, you know, that's true. That's true
00:50:58It's not gonna be the last time hopefully
00:51:01Hopefully yeah
00:51:02Can I get your name?
00:51:03And your number?
00:51:06Huh, what do you need my number for so I can call you later? Okay. Look i'm a dude
00:51:13You're a dude. Yeah, that's right
00:51:17You're playing hide the banana. Yeah, something like that
00:51:20If you just said no, thanks
00:51:23You're a fine-ass dude though
00:51:32Oh, thank you
00:51:36Did you know that matt volunteers at a homeless shelter right? Yeah, it's no big deal
00:51:41I was raised by a family who believe in giving back
00:51:45Actually, he's gonna volunteer at my shelter this weekend
00:51:48Really? Yeah, I figure i'm doing my part no matter which shelter i'm at. Okay
00:51:53So what shelter do you normally volunteer at? Uh,
00:51:57You probably wouldn't know it's on the other side of town. Actually, I know pretty much every shelter in town
00:52:05Come on give me a try, uh, okay. Um, well it's uh
00:52:13It's on um
00:52:14Edna, did you happen to see if the um
00:52:17They have any bananas, i'm sorry, you know bananas my banana's gone AWOL what
00:52:29I mean now bananas
00:52:31They don't have any bananas
00:52:33Oh
00:52:35I'd be happy to split my cupcake with you
00:52:38Oh, thank you
00:52:41You know, i'm gonna really have to go
00:52:43I've got something really important to take care of
00:52:45Oh, really? Yeah, but you guys you guys have fun get to know each other
00:52:50Is that okay with you just I like that great
00:52:55See ya
00:52:59So
00:53:00Tell me a little about yourself. Well, um, you know, you're jealous. No, i'm not bullshit
00:53:07Yeah, i'm just a little worried about her. Why you're the one who set him up, right? I thought it'd be different
00:53:14Different what what do you mean? What like what different than us? What?
00:53:20look, maybe it's my female hormones talking but
00:53:23the idea of tricking women to get them into bed, it just seems
00:53:27Wrong. Is there any other way?
00:53:30Besides you're the one that wrote the how-to manual. I know actually two manuals the blog the article. I said I know
00:53:38Hey, you're the one who told me I should start looking at stuff from a female's perspective
00:53:42Damn I did didn't I? Um, i'm just starting to realize there's more to life than one night stands. Is there?
00:53:49I mean, haven't you ever thought about being in a relationship, you know, like getting married?
00:53:55Dude, that's messed up. Is it?
00:53:58I mean, come on. Eddie
00:54:00please you're starting to sound like an old woman or an old man or
00:54:04Whatever it is that you are
00:54:06Okay, maybe you're right. No, I am right
00:54:09it's just
00:54:10You know jess she's different to other girls i've been with
00:54:15What is it supposed to mean eddie? She's kind. She's smart. She's vulnerable and when she laughs she does like a snort thing
00:54:22It's really cute
00:54:24Oh shit
00:54:26You're falling for her. That's crazy. Is it?
00:54:29Hey, we're up next, you know, i'm right. Yeah. I know you're an idiot
00:54:33Yeah, i'm an idiot, but you're in love with jess. You're in love with jess. You're in love with
00:54:40jess
00:54:43You're an idiot
00:54:51Hi
00:54:52I was just actually running a bath. Oh, I can go and come back. Don't be silly. Come on in
00:54:57I can pour you some wine. You can talk while I soak. Oh
00:55:00Is something wrong?
00:55:03Good so red or white, uh red red would be great, but it is
00:55:07I'm gonna have to test my kitchen. Oh, very nice. I like it. Sorry. It's a little bit of a mess. No, no
00:55:20Oh thirsty, yeah, all right then follow me
00:55:34Invite you to join me then
00:55:37Hahaha
00:55:40Are you all right?
00:55:42What
00:55:44I'm good. Okay
00:55:51So you said you wanted to talk
00:55:53Yeah, yeah, i'm just kind of curious about how things with you and matt going really well
00:55:58We've been talking every day on the phone. Oh, so you're gonna see him again tomorrow when he volunteers at the shelter, right?
00:56:05You know, he seems like a great guy
00:56:08Yeah, I mean he does seem that way doesn't he plus he is so dreamy
00:56:13Okay, jess
00:56:15Promise me you'll be careful. Okay. What do you mean? I just don't know matt that well and sometimes guys
00:56:22They can be snakes
00:56:23You're so sweet. Yeah
00:56:26I'll know a lot of things
00:56:28So how come you didn't go after matt yourself?
00:56:31He's not really my type
00:56:33No
00:56:34nah, plus
00:56:36Can't have ma and someone else
00:56:39Oh, is it that guy you came by the shelter with steve? Yeah
00:56:43No, he wishes
00:56:45Nah, not him
00:56:47Someone who doesn't really know how I feel about him. Then why don't you just go for it?
00:56:55Edna um
00:56:57I can't
00:56:59Come on
00:57:00You're a smart confident woman any guy would be lucky to date you
00:57:05Touche
00:57:20So I said how about a little notice what a concept I know, right
00:57:30Excuse me
00:57:33I noticed you came out for laura brown and anderson. Yeah, do you know matt flannery? I work for him you do
00:57:39Yeah, why I met him the other day and he asked me out
00:57:45He asked you out yeah, I don't think so honey, what do you mean matt's happily married with three kids
00:58:01And you know the guy was married talk to his secretary
00:58:05Damn, you're good. Yeah, and that's a scumbag
00:58:09Huh?
00:58:11What?
00:58:12Come on, you got to give the guy some props, right? That's quite the scam he pulled off
00:58:15I'd like to give him something but it ain't props. Oh, you know what old eddie would have been impressed
00:58:18Yeah, well new eddie would like to kick old eddie's ass. Yeah. Well, I put my money on old eddie
00:58:22Because new eddie seems a little gay
00:58:25You're an idiot
00:58:27I know
00:58:30But
00:58:34This is complicated
00:58:52Oh
00:58:53Jess you made it. Thanks for inviting me
00:58:56into the backstage pass sure
00:58:59Did you come alone?
00:59:01Yeah, I invited matt, but he uh, he had to go out of town for work. Really? Yeah
00:59:06Okay, you're all set. You should report to the staging area. Okay. Thanks
00:59:09And now I have to tell you matt is such a great guy after we got down to the shelter
00:59:14He took me for a ride on his motorcycle
00:59:17And then after dinner we stopped we had vote for a nightcap. He has a boat
00:59:21Well, actually matt said it's called a sloop because it has three masks
00:59:25He's good
00:59:26Well, I wouldn't know that I had this rule no sex until the third date, but I will say he's a very good kisser
00:59:32Okay, listen, I need to tell you something just
00:59:34What is it?
00:59:36Okay, how do I put this?
00:59:39Matt is um
00:59:41Yeah
00:59:43married
00:59:44You're wrong. I spoke to his secretary
00:59:47Why are you doing this to protect you?
00:59:49Jess you deserve to be with someone who really cares about you. Not somebody who's running a scam
00:59:55I knew it. You're a lesbian. What?
00:59:57No, i'm not a lesbian. I am just a man trapped in a woman's body. What?
01:00:03Look, I know this is gonna sound crazy. But the thing is
01:00:06I ran into a homeless woman the other day. She asked me to kiss her
01:00:10Said I it would prove that I could see the beauty in all women
01:00:13I refused the next day. I wake up. I am no longer eddie. I am edna
01:00:18And so I need to find her because all I can figure is, you know
01:00:21She's put some kind of spell on me. And so once I find her she can change me back into being eddie
01:00:29Come on say something
01:00:31I don't ever want to see you again
01:00:34What? Don't call me. Don't text me. Don't just stop by and see me. You're a sick sick person
01:00:41Just leave me alone
01:00:43Jess come back
01:00:47We look at each other
01:00:54You got me
01:01:11Doesn't
01:01:17Oh
01:01:28My thing is ever since the show I haven't been able to control my emotions
01:01:32Like someone cuts me off. I pull my eye out
01:01:36Ketchup spills on my shirt. Oh my
01:01:40That's messed up
01:01:41I'd rather be a little bit emotional than a cold heartless bastard like you
01:01:45Ouch
01:01:48Oh shit
01:01:49Oh, i'm, sorry. That's all right
01:01:52I was born out of wedlock
01:01:54I mean, I know i've been hurting over jess, but this
01:01:57This feels like more than that
01:01:59Hey, maybe it's your female hormones
01:02:02Yeah, maybe
01:02:03Well, hey, look still early. What do you say? We go out in the club or something? Well, i'm an emotional wreck
01:02:09How self-centered can you be steve?
01:02:12I mean what?
01:02:15Wait, I think we're fucking already
01:02:31Shit I did it again
01:02:34I really have a problem
01:02:36Yeah, well
01:02:38My best friend just turned into a really hot chick and every night i've been having sex dreams about him
01:02:44What her
01:02:47See, you're not the only one with problems here pal
01:02:49I'm, sorry. I didn't know
01:02:51Yeah, well i'm not too proud of that one
01:02:54All right
01:02:57Oh, come on, hey, let's just change the subject. Yeah, let me feel it pass me the controls maybe there's a game on or something
01:03:09You know what what
01:03:11Let's do it do what?
01:03:13Like let's do it
01:03:18You're fucking serious, yes, i'm fucking serious
01:03:21I mean I should really take my female equipment out on a test drive
01:03:25And who better to lose my virginity to than my best friend because I can drive
01:03:30I can drive and you are serious. You're serious. I'm as serious as pink on a pregnancy test. Okay, that's great
01:03:37That is great. That is so sweet. Don't be fucking with me because you're fucking with me
01:03:41Like i'm being serious i'm gonna go and freshen up afterwards me and you are gonna do the nasty I love the nasty
01:03:51I love the nasty
01:03:53Wait a minute. You do have a vagina, right?
01:03:55Yeah, good important
01:03:58for the old in and out
01:04:11Is
01:04:13Okay, um you like make yourself comfortable i'll be right back
01:04:41Yeah
01:04:52What's wrong
01:04:56You okay
01:05:01Oh, what the fuck what what what did you do? I think i'm dying. There's so much play
01:05:11Oh
01:05:14Hey, hey, excuse me, thanks for the tampon
01:05:27Well, that was embarrassing yes
01:05:30Yes, it was. Um, thanks for the uh, no problem. No problem
01:05:37Okay, okay
01:05:41So, you know that thing that we were gonna do don't worry about that do not
01:05:45Worry about that. I am. I will not be having any more of those kind of dreams
01:05:49right
01:05:51i'm uh
01:05:53I'm totally cured. I get it
01:05:57Yeah, I tell you what I should get going i've got to get back to the office i've got to yeah, yeah
01:06:04I love i love i'll i'll talk to you later
01:06:08I'll see you later steve. I'm good. I'll see you
01:06:25Look how many times do I have to tell you I don't do full frontal
01:06:29What how much does it pay?
01:06:31Oh, yeah, i'm in
01:06:33Call me back
01:06:34Can I help you?
01:06:35Yeah, i'll have a small latte and uh, let me get whatever the young lady here would like
01:06:40No, thanks. I insist i'm i'm trying to live my life by paying it forward
01:06:44Okay, that's great and all but i'd rather just pay for my own drink
01:06:47Come on, babe
01:06:48Really make my day. Okay. Look I know what you're doing
01:06:52I used to be just like you
01:06:54So trust me when I say scamming women to get them into bed is a shallow meaningless way to live
01:06:59At the end of the day, it's love that really matters
01:07:02Uh-huh. You go girl
01:07:05I'll be damned
01:07:08Dude you just dodged a bullet chick is hiding a banana
01:07:14She's got balls
01:07:35So
01:07:42Wow, I know right
01:07:45It's a little different to your first two books. Oh, I mean i'm a little different true
01:07:51True so what do you think? I don't know. I don't know. I mean
01:07:56All this stuff about intimacy respect romance. I mean, come on. You really think sex is better between two people who are in love
01:08:03Yeah, I do
01:08:06Hmm
01:08:08Love is the answer pal
01:08:13Your ass is the answer ready
01:08:32Hey
01:08:34You don't respect elders do you
01:08:38Fuck off
01:09:01Oh, yeah
01:09:05Oh shit shit shit
01:09:19Yes
01:09:34Yes
01:09:55I think you've checked a seven. I'll be three ten. Bye. Thanks. Bye
01:10:00Hi
01:10:02Hi, hi
01:10:05Can I just say you are the perfect man
01:10:08Well, that's very kind of you, but I am far from perfect. I don't know you understand and respect women
01:10:15Plus you're so damn handsome
01:10:18That's very kind of you. Thank you very much
01:10:21I appreciate that. I do
01:10:23Thank you
01:10:24Thank you
01:10:26Thank you. Steve burns. I'm his agent
01:10:29I always introduce myself
01:10:36Yeah, you liked it that was good
01:10:39There he is. Hey, pal. Hey, buddy. Hey, listen, we gotta get going here
01:10:43We're gonna dinner reservation tonight to celebrate our six-month anniversary actually six months already. Yeah
01:10:49Wow, congrats. Thank you
01:10:51Are you sure you won't let me set you up with my roommate? Yeah
01:10:54Yeah
01:10:56I really think you did it all
01:11:00I appreciate the offer, but no, thank you
01:11:02All right, if you change your mind, let us know we'll do okay
01:11:06If you change your mind if I change your mind have fun
01:11:09See ya
01:11:13Take a look at me
01:11:20Yes
01:11:22Hi, hi, wow, you look amazing. Oh, thanks
01:11:30So, um
01:11:34Read your book you did. Uh-huh. I really liked it. I'm glad
01:11:41You dedicated it to me, yeah, well, you know you played a big role and helped me change
01:11:49Yeah about that
01:11:51So you and edna one on the same
01:11:58Wow crazy, huh? Yes
01:12:03And no
01:12:05You know, i've got an idea
01:12:07Why don't we start this thing all over?
01:12:12Hello i'm eddie greenleaf
01:12:15Just wait just boy
01:12:17Wow
01:12:18So are you seeing anyone?
01:12:21No
01:12:21Not since I discovered the last guy I was dating was married. I'm sorry to hear that. Yeah
01:12:26A friend tried to warn me, but I wouldn't listen
01:12:29In fact, I was really mean to her
01:12:31You know, I think she forgives you
01:12:36So how about you are you
01:12:39Seeing anyone actually I kind of fell in love for the first time in my life last year
01:12:47You did
01:12:49Yeah
01:12:50The timing though just wasn't right. Unfortunately
01:12:54Well, maybe you should give it another shot I was just thinking exactly the same thing
01:13:02So, can I buy you a latte i'd really like that yeah, yeah, let's get out of here then
01:13:20Is
01:13:35That the book signing the release party sex with a homeless model, oh fucking homeless mom, that's a girl I want to hug
01:13:42The homeless goes on
01:13:48I love the homeless kind of look. It's just you know, the book signing sex with a homeless one
01:13:53Oh for fuck's sake that homeless woman in my head, buddy. Let me tell you something. I'm starving. Okay, this may be harder than I thought
01:14:02Okay, we might have to go back to one guy
01:14:06Knock knock
01:14:12Hold on
01:14:16This is where you'll find your beaver buzzers magic wands pussy plungers hamburger helpers and wacky wobblers
01:14:22Personally, I like the butterfly
01:14:25Fuck
01:14:42My lord
01:14:49This stuff is good, not bad, right? Yeah, what is it?
01:14:54It's just good, what is it?
01:14:58This stuff is good
01:15:01Is
01:15:11The thing is
01:15:15Yes, i'm fucking serious, I mean I really should take my female equipment out with what am I doing?
01:15:31I found you
01:15:42Eddie don't fucking any fuck
01:15:48Make yourself comfortable and I'll be right back
01:16:01I'm happy
01:16:04She must have put a spell on me, that's the only thing that makes sense
01:16:08Okay
01:16:09so
01:16:10We're looking for this magical
01:16:13Mystery kind of homeless woman, right? I mean, I don't know I guessed her
01:16:17Okay
01:16:19Maybe she was a witch a witch. All right. Did you say it yet? Because the gig's up
01:16:25Can I ask your question
01:16:31Is
01:16:50Take a look and me
01:16:58Baby
01:17:01Ooh
01:17:03Don't you think it's time
01:17:07To get this romance started
01:17:13Baby
01:17:16This is our chance
01:17:21Are you open-hearted
01:17:27Take a look at us
01:17:31Yes, darling
01:17:37Yes, I'll talk it away
01:17:42If I may be so brazen
01:17:47Call me this could be love
01:17:55You are so amazing
01:18:01Kiss me
01:18:10Love me
01:18:17In this magic moment
01:18:23Say you'll never stray
01:18:27Never go away
01:18:31Oh
01:18:33Take a look at me
01:18:40Sweetheart
01:18:45Let me love you
01:18:49We're standing in the fire
01:18:55Tell me
01:18:58How far we'll go
01:19:01Oh
01:19:03Let's take our love higher
01:19:30So
01:20:00So
01:20:30So
01:20:48Take a look at me