A bumbling wedding party must battle the forces of hell when a bride becomes possessed by the Devil the night before her wedding HD ( Comedy, Horror )
A bumbling wedding party must battle the forces of hell when a bride becomes possessed by the Devil the night before her wedding HD ( Comedy, Horror )
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Holy matrimony, give it up for your Bride and Groom!
00:00:24After this shit, she's for sure my least favorite cousin.
00:00:27How many boyfriends did you steal from me in high school?
00:00:33Three.
00:00:33But stealing is a strong word for giving them half-assed blowjobs in the church parking deck.
00:00:40So we were just one blow and go away from my baby sister marrying my ex instead.
00:00:49I'm sorry, Courtney. This must be really hard.
00:00:53I'm fine, Caitlin. You can go.
00:00:57Stop that.
00:01:05We're gonna slow it down for all the lovers out there, but this one's for y'all.
00:01:19I don't think you're allowed to be this sad at a wedding.
00:01:25Well, this DJ has played Tub Thumping by Chumbawumba three times in 45 minutes,
00:01:31so how happy can any of us be?
00:01:33I'm sorry, I was talking to...
00:01:36Courtney.
00:01:37Courtney.
00:01:38Right.
00:01:53I'm Dave.
00:01:57You don't have to sit here.
00:01:58Well, now you have my handkerchief.
00:02:01And you are never getting this back.
00:02:04I love a good never.
00:02:07What?
00:02:08I'm never getting that back, ever.
00:02:10No loopholes, no questions, no falling through or falling apart.
00:02:17It's comfortingly infinite.
00:02:26That's mine.
00:02:27Oh, is it?
00:02:33Is that a fangle?
00:02:35Oh, this.
00:02:36Oh, yeah, I don't think I would call it a bangle.
00:02:40It's a bangle.
00:02:42Well, I'd feel more distinguished if you called it a band or...
00:02:47Can I wear your bangle?
00:03:04Oh, my God.
00:03:13Caitlin Manuel Miranda.
00:03:16I've asked you repeatedly to give that nickname up.
00:03:19What?
00:03:20It's a lyrical visionary.
00:03:21It's a big compliment, little sis.
00:03:23Oh, my God, I am not your sister.
00:03:26You will be tomorrow.
00:03:28Oh, I can't wait.
00:03:37You really mean that, don't you?
00:03:39Like, you actually love her that much?
00:03:44Okie dokie, Glenn, you better go say goodbye to Courtney.
00:03:47We're about to leave.
00:03:48Tyrannosaurus rex!
00:03:52Good looking out.
00:03:52All right, guys, I'll see you later.
00:03:55It's like cotton candy became a man.
00:03:57That man is Glenn.
00:04:00I feel it's my duty as maid of honor to ask you respectfully to not flirt with a girl.
00:04:05I'm sorry, what?
00:04:06It is unseemly.
00:04:09Lexi, I'm not trying to have sex with Glenn.
00:04:12Why are we talking about sex with my brother?
00:04:15Ever, but specifically at his rehearsal dinner.
00:04:18Well, Jasmine, Caitlin was getting a little flirtatious and I was just reminding her.
00:04:22Are you the small talk police?
00:04:23Like, why are you watching me?
00:04:24It is my job to make sure that this day is perfect for court.
00:04:27Hey, fuck butt.
00:04:30Smash the groom in a bathroom like a civilized person instead of out in the fucking open, okay?
00:04:35Shut up, Jack.
00:04:37What? I'm the best man.
00:04:38I'm just looking out for my brother.
00:04:39Not your brother.
00:04:40Oh, really?
00:04:41Because frat is life.
00:04:44Jasmine, it's not too late.
00:04:46Grab Glenn.
00:04:47Run like hell.
00:04:48Bro, our family fucking rocks.
00:04:51Except for you.
00:04:51Okay.
00:04:52I think we need to regroup here.
00:04:54That's a good idea.
00:04:55Yeah, we should give our attention to the sister who actually deserves it.
00:04:59Right.
00:05:00Courtney's special day.
00:05:21Are you even invited to this thing?
00:05:27Not exactly.
00:05:31She never mentioned you after that night.
00:05:33Is that so?
00:05:37Now here you are.
00:05:43Give me your phone.
00:05:46Why?
00:05:47I'm going to give you the address to our house.
00:05:50I don't know where it is.
00:05:52Hmm.
00:05:54Okay, then.
00:05:55Come by later, maybe.
00:05:58If I knock, you'll answer?
00:06:02I'd even let you in.
00:06:06Is that the same suit as last time?
00:06:09It's a good suit.
00:06:22So, let's hold off on flirting with your sister's husband again.
00:06:48Can we drop this?
00:06:49I just really didn't budget time for any family inviting tomorrow, so.
00:06:53Fine.
00:06:54Courtney, I'm sorry for speaking my cute female words at the male body of your fiancé.
00:06:59In my defense, I didn't know that love was a form of absolute human ownership, so.
00:07:05Yeah, I don't care.
00:07:10Why is she acting so weird?
00:07:16So, what are we getting up to tonight, ladies?
00:07:21Champagne?
00:07:22Do we need snacks?
00:07:23I can braid your hair.
00:07:25Actually, Lexi told me that I could do coke off of her bare ass.
00:07:28I did no such thing.
00:07:30You are such a tease.
00:07:31So, yeah, at least you'll probably want to head out just to maintain your plausible deniability.
00:07:35Yeah, I'm gonna go.
00:07:37Awesome.
00:07:37Call me if you need anything.
00:07:39Anything.
00:07:39At all.
00:07:41Except cocaine.
00:07:43I don't have that.
00:07:45Not anymore.
00:07:47Bye.
00:07:51Okay, party time.
00:07:53Who's ready for pin the nose on Glenn?
00:07:57The hell, Lexi?
00:07:59No.
00:08:00It's gonna be so much fun.
00:08:02And the printer charged me a pretty penny for this, so we're doing this.
00:08:06No, I'm getting the tequila.
00:08:07It's finally time to use these.
00:08:11Caitlin, no.
00:08:13I said no penises.
00:08:14It's a bachelorette party.
00:08:16You're supposed to be the maid of honor, not our mom.
00:08:18Well, your mom could come in at any moment, and then what would she say?
00:08:22Please, my mom once asked me if I spit or swallow.
00:08:25Did she really?
00:08:26Will you excuse me?
00:08:29What is up with you?
00:08:32Are those my earrings?
00:08:34No.
00:08:34Caitlin, I thought you understood that this was her special day.
00:08:48She's acting like a complete freak.
00:08:50That is not nerves.
00:08:51You couldn't possibly understand what she's feeling right now.
00:08:54Well, she's my sister, so I probably have some—
00:08:56And yet, I'm the maid of honor.
00:09:00So, wait.
00:09:02What fluid does the alcohol represent?
00:09:35No.
00:09:48If you get too drunk, you're not going to stand a chance in the Courtney trivia tournament
00:09:51that I made.
00:09:52You can't even get Courtney excited for your shit,
00:09:55and that's embarrassing because she usually humors you.
00:09:57She doesn't humor me.
00:09:59She likes me.
00:10:00You just wouldn't know—
00:10:01What that feels like?
00:10:02Can you help me with something?
00:10:05Uh, of course, Court.
00:10:10Bridesmaids?
00:10:15Assemble!
00:10:18So, I know I haven't been acting like myself lately.
00:10:22It's just, there's a weird energy, so...
00:10:27We're gonna fix it.
00:10:35Nope.
00:10:35Nope, nope, nope.
00:10:36This is some white lady wit shit, and I am not doing it.
00:10:40I can attest that Courtney has been really focused on her spirituality lately,
00:10:44and I'm really proud of her for that commitment to self-care.
00:10:50Does mom know you used all of our salt?
00:10:52Don't touch that!
00:10:54Please.
00:10:58This is really important to me to feel safe and centered this weekend.
00:11:02Can you just sit with me?
00:11:05Let's just cleanse this shit and be done.
00:11:08She's got dolls in here, and I am not okay.
00:11:10So, we're just gonna say,
00:11:12Desdinaio Domo Mammalo over and over?
00:11:14We're chanting, no.
00:11:15Can we please just hold a crystal and think happy thoughts?
00:11:18Goddammit, Caitlin, can you just cooperate for once?
00:11:22This is her special day,
00:11:24and if Courtney wants to chant in Latin in this candlelit room,
00:11:28then that is what we're going to do.
00:11:34So...
00:11:51Hands.
00:11:58Desdinaio Domo Mammalo.
00:12:01Desdinaio Domo Mammalo.
00:12:03Desdinaio Domo Mammalo.
00:12:05Desdinaio Domo Mammalo.
00:12:07Desdinaio Domo Mammalo.
00:12:09Desdinaio Domo Mammalo.
00:12:11Desdinaio Domo Mammalo.
00:12:13Desdinaio Domo Mammalo.
00:12:15Desdinaio Domo Mammalo.
00:12:17Desdinaio Domo Mammalo.
00:12:19Desdinaio Domo Mammalo.
00:12:21Desdinaio Domo Mammalo.
00:12:23Desdinaio Domo Mammalo.
00:12:25Desdinaio Domo Mammalo.
00:12:27Desdinaio Domo Mammalo.
00:12:29Desdinaio Domo Mammalo.
00:12:31Desdinaio Domo Mammalo.
00:12:33Desdinaio Domo Mammalo.
00:12:35Desdinaio Domo Mammalo.
00:12:41Who the hell is here?
00:12:42Caitlin, I said no strippers.
00:12:44I didn't hire a stripper.
00:12:46Turns out it's really expensive to get them to come this far out into the suburbs.
00:12:50So you tried.
00:12:52There is someone here and I would like to know why.
00:12:56Oh.
00:12:59Caitlin?
00:13:01Caitlin, who is here?
00:13:03Hi.
00:13:05Hi.
00:13:07Dave?
00:13:09Hey, Cort.
00:13:11Your sister invited me.
00:13:13She said you never mentioned me.
00:13:15Caitlin, whatever you do, do not let him-
00:13:17Oh, sorry. You can come inside.
00:13:19Thank you.
00:13:21Caitlin, you just gave him dominion over the house.
00:13:23I gave him what?
00:13:25My babe.
00:13:28Why don't you introduce me to your friends?
00:13:38What the hell, Dave?
00:13:40I feel like you talk a lot.
00:13:42I'm going to ask you to stop.
00:13:44Well, I don't actually give a shit what you tell me to do.
00:13:48Dave?
00:13:50Dave, stop!
00:13:52Okay, fine.
00:13:54If any of you try to leave,
00:13:57that's what's going to happen to you the second you step outside.
00:13:59So get in there.
00:14:01Who are you to tell me what to do?
00:14:03Oh, I thought that was obvious.
00:14:05I'm the devil.
00:14:07But you can call me Dave.
00:14:13Caitlin, okay, that's the wildest stripper character,
00:14:15but you know what?
00:14:17Points for originality.
00:14:19Sir, I don't have any cash,
00:14:21but you deserve to be paid for your time and talents.
00:14:23Do you have a Venmo?
00:14:27Lexi?
00:14:29Lexi!
00:14:35Right.
00:14:37So,
00:14:39I am the actual devil.
00:14:43Courtney here belongs to me.
00:14:47And since you all cast that protection spell,
00:14:49she has ensured that you are all deeply
00:14:51and permanently involved.
00:14:54So take a goddamn seat!
00:15:16I like this.
00:15:18Who brought these?
00:15:20Oh.
00:15:22I knew I liked you.
00:15:24You choked me.
00:15:26Doesn't mean I don't like you.
00:15:30Ask your sister.
00:15:36I'm going to order a pizza.
00:15:38What do you guys like?
00:15:44Oh, this one won't even look at me.
00:15:47I don't want any part of this.
00:15:49Or you.
00:15:51Or her.
00:15:53Yeah, well, like I said...
00:15:55Just let me leave.
00:15:57They can stay.
00:15:59I don't give a shit about them.
00:16:01Let me go.
00:16:03I could.
00:16:05I really could.
00:16:07But then you'd technically be indebted to me.
00:16:09And yet this little guy right here
00:16:11makes me think
00:16:13that you don't really want to do that.
00:16:16Oh.
00:16:18Ooh.
00:16:20I'm gonna get Hawaiian pizza.
00:16:22I don't care if you guys hate it.
00:16:24And while we wait, Courtney's gonna agree
00:16:26to be a Hellbride,
00:16:28and the rest of you will be free of me forever.
00:16:30You can't do the ceremony.
00:16:32I don't consent.
00:16:34Yeah, which is why I'm gonna get your consent.
00:16:36No.
00:16:38No.
00:16:42I'm the king of Hellbride.
00:16:45I'm the king of Hell, Courtney.
00:16:47I ruin civilizations.
00:16:49I break up great bands.
00:16:51I raise the dead, and I hate...
00:16:53I mean, I really hate
00:16:55being told no by some piece of shit mortal.
00:16:57So let me go.
00:16:59Be rid of this piece of shit mortal forever.
00:17:01Do you read?
00:17:03Do you even know who I am?
00:17:05Like, that's never how this goes.
00:17:07You have plenty.
00:17:09You can get more. Just let me go.
00:17:11Just me.
00:17:13You didn't let me in.
00:17:15What?
00:17:17You're just gonna spend your life
00:17:19behind protective wards.
00:17:27Do you really think
00:17:29if you try to bind yourself to someone else
00:17:31that mark isn't going to eat your flesh
00:17:33from the inside
00:17:35slowly and painfully?
00:17:37You've done all this work
00:17:39to learn all your little spells,
00:17:41but you still have no idea
00:17:43how any of this shit works.
00:17:45You probably don't even...
00:17:49You don't even know the one way out.
00:17:51Courtney?
00:17:53Do you know what he's talking about?
00:17:55Why did you bring him here?
00:17:57This changes everything.
00:18:01No!
00:18:07You can't do the ceremony.
00:18:09I do not consent.
00:18:11Yeah, but you will.
00:18:13You're sort of known for being persuasive.
00:18:19Jasmine, move.
00:18:21Please, our friend and the devil
00:18:23are in there.
00:18:25She made her choice.
00:18:27Choices have consequences.
00:18:29Our lives shouldn't be one of those consequences.
00:18:31Do not agree.
00:18:35Wait! Help me!
00:18:37I really didn't want to do this, Courtney.
00:18:39But honestly,
00:18:41you left me no choice.
00:18:43And you get that, right?
00:18:47You have to let me in there.
00:18:49Alan, just hit me.
00:19:07He's gone.
00:19:09What? How?
00:19:11I don't know.
00:19:13The candles.
00:19:15The book.
00:19:17Maybe I banished him.
00:19:19Oh, Courtney, that's amazing.
00:19:21Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:19:23Are you kidding, Lexi?
00:19:25Hey, is the... is it still there?
00:19:29Yeah.
00:19:31But he's gone.
00:19:33That has to be good, right?
00:19:35Motherfucker!
00:19:39Blank me.
00:19:43Three, two,
00:19:45one.
00:19:47Pizza City!
00:19:49Woo-hoo!
00:19:51That's spooky.
00:19:53You're too hot to be a pizza guy.
00:19:55You know, my mom says the same thing, actually.
00:19:57No. Those eyes? Not of this world.
00:19:59Stab him now, Kate.
00:20:01I'm not just gonna stab him.
00:20:03Ignore them.
00:20:05I'll take it.
00:20:07All right. Excuse me.
00:20:09Excuse me. Excuse me.
00:20:17Enjoy. Bye.
00:20:19Caitlin, you don't need me for the stabbing, right?
00:20:21Yes, Hawaiian.
00:20:27You hate Hawaiian pizza.
00:20:29You wouldn't know. We're not close.
00:20:31But we are.
00:20:33Hey, let me just say goodbye.
00:20:35Shit, the ferns! God damn it!
00:20:37All right.
00:20:39You got me.
00:20:41That was fun.
00:20:43Too bad he was still here.
00:20:55I feel bad.
00:20:57Ah!
00:21:05That whale.
00:21:07I usually think it's hot,
00:21:09but shit, not in this context.
00:21:11Uh-uh-uh.
00:21:13Whatever you do hurts her.
00:21:15Not me. I, like, can't die, but she can,
00:21:17and you can.
00:21:19So knives down, bitches.
00:21:21He won't...
00:21:23He won't do it.
00:21:25She has to consent to do the ceremony,
00:21:27and if he kills us, there's no way...
00:21:29I'm insider, ladies, and not in the fun way,
00:21:31so I really wouldn't bank on me giving a shit about...
00:21:33Hands! The power's coming through the hands!
00:21:35You have to tie me! Shut up!
00:21:41I don't like how fast you did that.
00:21:43I'm not a cop.
00:21:45I just watched a lot of Law & Order.
00:21:47Criminal intent.
00:21:49Well, let's get her up the stairs.
00:21:57Original, guys. Totally not derivative.
00:21:59Shut up. Ooh, are you the leader now?
00:22:01Who's the leader?
00:22:05Okay, as maid of honor,
00:22:07I am clearly the one in charge.
00:22:09I've led every charge since this started, so...
00:22:11I am the only one that can be objective in this situation.
00:22:13No, you guys told me.
00:22:15And we did with the knives.
00:22:17Dead people.
00:22:19It's a guy.
00:22:21Are you kidding me?
00:22:23Sabotage.
00:22:27Hallway meeting. Now.
00:22:29Sorry, I'm not trying to be the leader.
00:22:31I just, like, thought it was a good idea.
00:22:33White women and apologizing.
00:22:35Sorry.
00:22:39Okay, no one's the leader,
00:22:41but he's gonna try to pull shit like that at every turn.
00:22:43We need a plan.
00:22:45The only thing that really seemed to hurt him
00:22:47was your necklace. Yeah.
00:22:49Caitlin, do you have a crucifix?
00:22:51I, like, maybe have a Switchfoot CD.
00:22:53That's the best we're gonna get Christ-wise.
00:22:55In the movies, they always have a priest.
00:22:57How are we gonna get a priest?
00:22:59We can't leave without choking to death,
00:23:01and my phone isn't exactly filled with men of God.
00:23:03I know how we get one.
00:23:07We have to call Glenn.
00:23:09No.
00:23:11It's just that it's really bad for the groom
00:23:13because he died right before the wedding.
00:23:19You're right.
00:23:21Yeah, like Satan is here.
00:23:23Thank you.
00:23:25Okay.
00:23:35You got Glenn.
00:23:37DJ Jazzy Jeff.
00:23:39Um.
00:23:41Mm-hmm.
00:23:43Oh, sounds fun.
00:23:45Cool. All right.
00:23:47We'll be there in a jiff.
00:23:49Well...
00:23:51I hate to press pause on fun,
00:23:53but the girls need a priest.
00:23:55The fuck?
00:23:57Why?
00:23:59I'm not really sure, but they seemed like they were in a rush.
00:24:01So let's just pop this off, Matty,
00:24:03and fire up the old iron horse.
00:24:05Okay. I'll, uh, bring the...
00:24:07neck thing.
00:24:09All right. Well...
00:24:11I'm coming with you.
00:24:13This is weird, and, uh,
00:24:15if they're pranking you, I want to see it.
00:24:17Best man.
00:24:19Brass man.
00:24:21What?
00:24:23I don't know, dude. Sometimes I just say shit.
00:24:25Yeah. Let's get up out of here.
00:24:29And, oh,
00:24:31when I come back,
00:24:33there better be a nose on my wife.
00:24:39Fuck.
00:24:53I know that this must be
00:24:55really hard for you.
00:24:57I just feel like I'm setting a trap
00:24:59for him.
00:25:01It's not a trap. He loves her.
00:25:03He'd want to be here to help.
00:25:05I just don't want to scare him,
00:25:07you know?
00:25:11We can't just leave him there.
00:25:13That can't stay.
00:25:33What are you looking for?
00:25:38This is my fault.
00:25:40Might as well try to fix it.
00:25:42When the hell did she learn Latin?
00:25:44You're the disgrace, right?
00:25:46Soiling the family name
00:25:48and shit.
00:25:50Yes.
00:25:52She didn't talk about you much.
00:25:54You went to jail, didn't you?
00:25:56Yeah. DUI.
00:25:58DUI. You kill anyone?
00:26:00No.
00:26:02Shame.
00:26:04Why her?
00:26:06Hot.
00:26:08Innocent.
00:26:10Exquisitely broken.
00:26:12Broken? No. She's perfect. Always has been.
00:26:14There's a million ways to be broken.
00:26:16I know them all intimately.
00:26:18Don't doubt my taste.
00:26:22Are there new people here?
00:26:26Hell yeah.
00:26:28Oh!
00:26:30What?
00:26:32What does he eat?
00:26:34Oh!
00:26:36Oh!
00:26:38Glenn!
00:26:40Jasmine!
00:26:42Jasmine!
00:26:44Glenn, don't come!
00:26:46Jasmine!
00:26:48Jasmine!
00:26:50Jasmine!
00:27:04Oh!
00:27:06Oh!
00:27:08Gentlemen.
00:27:10Good evening. Thank you all for coming.
00:27:12Would anyone like some cold
00:27:14Hawaiian pizza?
00:27:16What the hell, Lexi?
00:27:18I'm trying to be welcoming.
00:27:20I would eat some pizza, actually.
00:27:22Where's Courtney?
00:27:26She's not going anywhere.
00:27:28Hey, fuckbutt!
00:27:30Why are we here?
00:27:32Do either of you know
00:27:34about Dave?
00:27:36Dave? Dave from our
00:27:38pledge class? Yeah, like
00:27:40six toes, I think.
00:27:42Are you talking about the Dave that Courtney fucked in secret
00:27:44for like two years? Talking about that Dave?
00:27:46Wowie.
00:27:48She told you?
00:27:50Oh, yeah. I met him.
00:27:52Seemed pretty cool.
00:27:54This was way before you came around, bro.
00:27:56I swear on the frat.
00:27:58Right, okay. But how much
00:28:00did you know about Dave?
00:28:02Oh, like not any bit.
00:28:04Just like a little.
00:28:06Like I met him the one time.
00:28:08Why?
00:28:12Well...
00:28:14Glenn!
00:28:16Glenn, thank God!
00:28:18They've gone absolutely crazy!
00:28:20Give it up, Dave. You're not good at this.
00:28:22Dave? Who's Dave?
00:28:24Who's Dave?
00:28:26Baby, they lit candles and
00:28:28they said spells.
00:28:30I don't know what's
00:28:32happening. Yeah.
00:28:34Jazzy?
00:28:36That looks like Courtney to me. It's not Courtney.
00:28:38I mean, it is her, but it's not her talking.
00:28:40Ask something only she would know.
00:28:44What's my favorite cereal?
00:28:46Cheerios?
00:28:48Glenn, no. You have to
00:28:50ask something more... Where did we go the night that
00:28:52Mom and Dad's divorce was finalized?
00:28:54The movies. Wrong! Ice cream.
00:28:56Suck it. Wait, what?
00:28:58I don't remember that. Where was I?
00:29:00Oh, um...
00:29:02It's not her. She's possessed by the devil
00:29:04like we said. So,
00:29:06Father, a little help.
00:29:08I feel like now's a good time to mention that I was ordained
00:29:10online. That's my buddy
00:29:12from the office. Are you serious?
00:29:14But whatever power there is to be found in the Universal Life Church,
00:29:16I'll use it.
00:29:22Ha ha ha ha ha
00:29:24ha ha ha ha
00:29:26ha ha ha ha
00:29:28ha ha ha ha
00:29:30ha ha ha ha
00:29:32ha ha ha ha
00:29:34ha ha ha ha
00:29:36ha ha ha ha
00:29:38Fuck!
00:29:40Well, that was kind of cool.
00:29:42Fools! Mortals!
00:29:44Cocksuckers!
00:29:46Okay, I'm disturbed.
00:29:48Uh, Maddy, go ahead. Take it away.
00:29:52The, uh,
00:29:54power of Christ
00:29:56compels you.
00:30:00Please leave.
00:30:02Is that, is that
00:30:04holy water?
00:30:06I found it in Glenn's car.
00:30:08So, no.
00:30:10Can we focus, please, and try again?
00:30:12Blessed assurance,
00:30:14Jesus is mine.
00:30:16We learned it at camp.
00:30:18We learned it at camp.
00:30:20We know it.
00:30:24We don't.
00:30:26Hum or something.
00:30:30Blessed assurance,
00:30:32Jesus is mine.
00:30:36Oh, what a
00:30:38foretaste
00:30:40of glory divine.
00:30:42Heir of
00:30:44salvation,
00:30:46purchased
00:30:48of God,
00:30:50washed
00:30:52in his spirit,
00:30:54washed in his
00:30:56blood.
00:30:58No!
00:31:00Ah!
00:31:02Oh, she's going to dislocate her arms.
00:31:04No, wait. If he gets control of her hands,
00:31:06we're all dead.
00:31:12Ha ha ha ha
00:31:14ha ha ha ha
00:31:16Bottled water in a church camp, son?
00:31:18Are you serious?
00:31:20God damn it.
00:31:22Dang.
00:31:24I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy
00:31:26down in my heart.
00:31:28Where?
00:31:30Sorry, it's call and response.
00:31:32What does that mean?
00:31:34Hey!
00:31:36Too spooky.
00:31:38We're going about
00:31:40this all wrong. Agreed.
00:31:42We've been trying to get him out,
00:31:44but maybe we should go directly to Courtney herself.
00:31:46Right. Like when he killed
00:31:48the pizza guy, but she screamed. Excuse me?
00:31:50What?
00:31:52Wait, what?
00:31:54Oh, we didn't mention the pizza guy.
00:31:56Oh, there's a dead pizza guy.
00:31:58We moved him.
00:32:00To find dead?
00:32:04It's a good-looking man.
00:32:06Yeah.
00:32:12When he died,
00:32:14she screamed, and she really
00:32:16came back. We saw it.
00:32:18It's gotta be you, Glenn.
00:32:20This whole thing. I mean, he's here because she wants to be with you.
00:32:22Are you suggesting we use him as bait?
00:32:24No, no. I'm just wondering if
00:32:26a show of love
00:32:28might do something.
00:32:30While I do love my future wife,
00:32:32I'm a little concerned
00:32:34because I know
00:32:36that's the devil, and I don't want...
00:32:38Oh, no. No, no, no. No, Glenn.
00:32:40It's not a show of love we're talking about.
00:32:42No. Oh, okay.
00:32:44Got it. Yeah. Yeah, like, it's not a sex thing.
00:32:46My mistake.
00:32:48Got it.
00:32:50My mistake.
00:32:52You have to do the thing, man.
00:32:54You have to, bro.
00:32:58It's for the wedding, and I...
00:33:00I've been practicing for months.
00:33:02I know. There will be no wedding
00:33:04if you don't get Satan out of her, man.
00:33:06Okay.
00:33:08Okay?
00:33:10Okay.
00:33:12All right. I'm gonna do it.
00:33:14Um, just give me a minute.
00:33:16Hey, you take all the time
00:33:18you need, brother.
00:33:20You got this.
00:33:22Yeah. Yeah.
00:33:24Fly a little bird.
00:33:26Okay.
00:33:28What is it?
00:33:30Shut the fuck up, Caitlin!
00:33:32Why is he friends with you?
00:33:34I mean... That's you.
00:33:36That is what your face looks like and sounds like
00:33:38when you do that.
00:33:42What the fuck are you doing?
00:33:44Seeing how to make water holy.
00:33:48We are so fucked.
00:33:52So fucked.
00:34:00Oh, shit. Glenn's not choking.
00:34:04He could go get help.
00:34:08Oh, my God. Yes!
00:34:10Yes! Let's bring more people
00:34:12into this, especially the police,
00:34:14who I'm sure would love to see that
00:34:16shockingly attractive dead pizza man.
00:34:18You wish you were as hot as that dead pizza man.
00:34:20I... Fuck, yeah.
00:34:22Fuck.
00:34:34Fuck.
00:34:44What are you looking for?
00:34:50My Switchfoot CD.
00:34:52Oh. Cool.
00:34:56So she told you about Dave.
00:34:58Not me.
00:35:00Yeah, she probably didn't want you
00:35:02to steal him.
00:35:04I never stole from her. Oh, really?
00:35:06Because I fucking gave her those earrings
00:35:08for Christmas, you piece of shit.
00:35:12Why do you even care?
00:35:14You hate Courtney.
00:35:22So you went for ice cream.
00:35:26That was 20 fucking years ago.
00:35:28Can you let it go? You know what I did that night?
00:35:30What? I screamed and I cried
00:35:32so hard that I couldn't talk for a week.
00:35:34Cool. So you see why we didn't invite you.
00:35:36Did it ever occur to you that I might
00:35:38not be so miserable to be around if you didn't treat
00:35:40me like shit? You treat yourself like shit.
00:35:42And that's contagious.
00:35:44You treat everyone like shit.
00:35:46You're self-possessed, and you're cruel,
00:35:48and you're shallow, and I don't understand
00:35:50why she still comes to you.
00:35:52I don't know what to fucking tell you, okay?
00:35:54But I'm not gonna apologize, because I'm not here
00:35:56for you.
00:35:58It's Courtney's special day.
00:36:00Goddammit, you are insufferable.
00:36:02It's a big word.
00:36:04Did you find my SAT flashcards?
00:36:06Oh, really? Did you find these nuts?
00:36:14I never hated Courtney.
00:36:16I wanted to be everything
00:36:18she was, and
00:36:20when I wasn't, I took what I could.
00:36:22When what you want is all of somebody
00:36:24and they only give you scraps, yeah, you start
00:36:26to wish that they didn't exist
00:36:28at all.
00:36:44What is happening?
00:36:46What is happening?
00:36:56Do you all have to be here?
00:36:58Yeah, Glenn, that's the king of hell
00:37:00in there, so I think you want all the backup you can get.
00:37:02Yeah.
00:37:06Okay, Courtney-to-burrito.
00:37:08I know you're in there.
00:37:12I was planning for this
00:37:14to be a little wedding surprise.
00:37:16As you know,
00:37:18I have a strong love
00:37:20for the legendary music group Boyz II Men,
00:37:22balanced by a
00:37:24healthy fear of copyright infringement.
00:37:26Dude, for the last time, they can't
00:37:28sue you over a one-time performance at a private event.
00:37:30I was planning to go
00:37:32viral. I know, bud. That's not how
00:37:34viral works.
00:37:38This is, uh, an original
00:37:40spoken word.
00:37:42In the fresh hell.
00:37:54Bowser said,
00:37:56we are wed,
00:37:58so let's
00:38:00dim the lights down low
00:38:02because I got
00:38:04some love to show,
00:38:06and I'm more confident
00:38:08in the dark,
00:38:10as you know.
00:38:16Tie the knot.
00:38:18Let's get hot.
00:38:20Wow.
00:38:22Tie the knot. Let's get hot.
00:38:26Just like the sexy
00:38:28kind of warm,
00:38:30my body
00:38:32is a sexy storm.
00:38:34You were gonna let him do this at the wedding?
00:38:36I co-wrote it.
00:38:38Oh, my God.
00:38:40I'm gonna make it rain.
00:38:42I'm gonna let this
00:38:44love pour.
00:38:46Two people, you know?
00:38:48Me too.
00:38:50Have sex, so
00:38:52I'm gonna know
00:38:54my wife
00:38:56for the rest of my life.
00:39:00Two people, you know?
00:39:02Me too. Have sex, so
00:39:04and I'm gonna
00:39:06know you so hard
00:39:08if you consent
00:39:10to.
00:39:12Well, fuck me.
00:39:14Oh.
00:39:16Oh, Glenn.
00:39:18Holy shit. Matt, untie her.
00:39:20We need the ropes.
00:39:22Glenn, I love you so much.
00:39:24I'm so sorry.
00:39:26No, he'll just try to jump into one of us if we try to
00:39:28get too close. Satanic possession can only
00:39:30happen if you have some major vulnerability,
00:39:32usually caused by making a deal with him. How do you know that?
00:39:34You think I haven't spent every free moment
00:39:36on Satan's Wikipedia page?
00:39:38And what
00:39:40makes anyone more vulnerable
00:39:42than true love?
00:39:46Where did he go? Glenn, you're holding me
00:39:48really tight. Don't wanna let you go.
00:39:50No. No, no, no.
00:39:52Where did he go? What the fuck?
00:40:04No.
00:40:06No.
00:40:08No.
00:40:10Ah!
00:40:12Ah!
00:40:14Stronger than he looks.
00:40:16Oh, yeah.
00:40:20This works great.
00:40:22What?
00:40:24It's me, Lisa.
00:40:26Who the fuck is Lisa? She's the wedding cleaner.
00:40:28Was she supposed to be here?
00:40:30No. I hope you don't mind.
00:40:32I just let myself in.
00:40:34We had a little hiccup with the ice sculpture.
00:40:36It required a conversation.
00:40:40No.
00:40:48No.
00:40:50No. No, Dave!
00:40:52No!
00:41:02Well, Glenn, what on earth
00:41:04are you doing here? You sly dog.
00:41:06Yeah, we had
00:41:08an interesting night tonight.
00:41:10I know. Snorting drugs off butts.
00:41:12Yeah, yeah.
00:41:14Oh, and look at that sharp suit.
00:41:18It's a little thing.
00:41:20Yeah, I really like it.
00:41:22And, um, I just hate
00:41:24to get something on it, you know? Well, how can I even
00:41:26call myself a wedding planner without
00:41:28these bad boys?
00:41:38Help!
00:41:40Help! Courtney!
00:41:42We gotta help Glenn.
00:41:44Help!
00:41:46Help! We have to get him
00:41:48back in here. We need the book. I'll grab the salt.
00:41:50We have to save my brother.
00:41:52Lisa!
00:41:54Lisa!
00:41:56Lisa!
00:41:58Run!
00:42:00Huh?
00:42:02Lisa!
00:42:08Lisa!
00:42:24What happened?
00:42:26Jasmine?
00:42:28Jasmine.
00:42:36We have to get him back in my room.
00:42:40Uh, no.
00:42:48Shit.
00:42:50Shit, shit, shit. Relax.
00:42:52You're not gonna die.
00:42:56But someone will.
00:42:58Are you really about to give a
00:43:00villain speech, Dave?
00:43:04Maybe.
00:43:06You see, this body,
00:43:08unlike Courtney's,
00:43:10belonged to an actually good
00:43:12person.
00:43:14It's airtight.
00:43:16So if you guys
00:43:18are thinking of trying anything
00:43:20heroic,
00:43:22don't.
00:43:26I do feel
00:43:28a little outnumbered.
00:43:36Valuable.
00:43:42Interesting.
00:43:48The whole reason
00:43:50why we're here.
00:43:56Expendable.
00:43:58Dave, don't.
00:44:02Did you really think
00:44:04I was gonna do that whole walkie-talkie thing
00:44:06and just kill him off right now?
00:44:10You have no sense of
00:44:12production value.
00:44:14Guys, relax.
00:44:16It's a party.
00:44:18Let's play a game.
00:44:24Welcome to Courtney Trivia.
00:44:26That I made.
00:44:28Brought to you by her useless
00:44:30maid of honor.
00:44:32What's your name again?
00:44:34It's Lexi.
00:44:36Lexi. So I'm gonna ask
00:44:38the questions, and if you think the answer is...
00:44:42One more time.
00:44:44It's Lexi.
00:44:46If you think it's
00:44:48Lexi, put her shoe in the air.
00:44:50And if you think
00:44:52it's this piece of shit,
00:44:54put his up.
00:44:56And if you both agree,
00:44:58you're safe.
00:45:00But if you disagree,
00:45:02I'll be forced to
00:45:04choose who's right.
00:45:06And that's the end of the game.
00:45:10No hints are helping.
00:45:12Please stop this.
00:45:14Just say
00:45:16the word, and I
00:45:18absolutely will.
00:45:20You know what I want.
00:45:26Okay, here we go.
00:45:28Question
00:45:30number one.
00:45:34Who has
00:45:36known Courtney the longest?
00:45:40Three,
00:45:42two, one.
00:45:46It's easy.
00:45:48But very good. Very good.
00:45:50Question two.
00:45:54Who would Courtney bring with her
00:45:56in a fight?
00:46:02Three,
00:46:04two, one.
00:46:06Hmm.
00:46:10Still easy. Still easy.
00:46:12It's good, though.
00:46:16Question three.
00:46:18Who loves Courtney more?
00:46:22Don't be a hero.
00:46:24Stop talking.
00:46:26Okay, yes, we'll do that.
00:46:28Three,
00:46:30two,
00:46:32one.
00:46:34Hmm.
00:46:36Excellent.
00:46:38Excellent.
00:46:40Hmm!
00:46:42This is a good one.
00:46:48Who deserves to live?
00:46:56Now, babe,
00:46:58I know this question isn't really about you.
00:47:00And this is your special day.
00:47:02So you're gonna shout your answer
00:47:04at the same time.
00:47:06If you say nothing,
00:47:08I will kill
00:47:10them both.
00:47:16Are you ready?
00:47:18Who
00:47:20deserves to live?
00:47:22Three,
00:47:24two,
00:47:26one.
00:47:28Oh, my God.
00:47:30Oh, my God. Ha!
00:47:34I gave Lisa the key!
00:47:36Mom?
00:47:38You're not answering
00:47:40your phones, and you know how I hate
00:47:42that.
00:47:44You got some pizza out here.
00:47:46Do you need it?
00:47:48Get rid of your mother.
00:47:50I totally would, Dave. Except I can't get close to that door
00:47:52without choking to death, thanks to you.
00:47:54So...
00:48:00Get rid of her.
00:48:02My mom? Please don't hurt my mom, dude.
00:48:04Just... Can we...
00:48:06I'll get rid of her.
00:48:08Let's go.
00:48:14Mom, what the fuck?
00:48:16Chucky, sweetie.
00:48:18What on earth are you doing here, silly boy?
00:48:20Oh.
00:48:22Um, that's a good question.
00:48:24I... They, uh, spilled
00:48:26some lip gloss.
00:48:28I need my help, so...
00:48:30Yeah. On account of all that, it's kind of not a good time,
00:48:32and you should get the fuck out of here.
00:48:34That bad over lip gloss?
00:48:36Yep. Lip gloss.
00:48:38What's going on in there?
00:48:40Nothing! Nothing! It's just...
00:48:42Well, Courtney is nervous, and...
00:48:44Caitlin's not helping, kind of like you,
00:48:46so you should go!
00:48:48Don't tell me they're fighting again.
00:48:50A little bit. They are.
00:48:54This is our chance.
00:48:56We don't have to if we can't.
00:48:58We just have to get him back in the room.
00:49:00Well, Mom, you're just gonna have to tell me
00:49:02whatever the fuck it is you came here to tell them.
00:49:04Okay? Shit.
00:49:06Okay. Okay, baby boy. I just brought...
00:49:08I just brought her a little gift.
00:49:10Great. What the fuck? Is this lube?
00:49:12Yes, it's organic.
00:49:14Oh, my God! It really is?
00:49:16Life-changing.
00:49:18Oh, Mom! What the fuck?
00:49:20Well, it was supposed to be a little special wedding gift
00:49:22from a woman to a woman,
00:49:24who got in the way. Mom, she's your daughter!
00:49:26And...
00:49:28she deserves an eco-conscious,
00:49:30lubricated sexual experience
00:49:32like anybody else.
00:49:34That's disgusting. You're weird.
00:49:36This is our chance.
00:49:40I've beat his ass before.
00:49:44Oh, and...
00:49:46tomorrow, please
00:49:48don't wear your sunglasses with those
00:49:50little chokey things around the neck.
00:49:52It doesn't look good.
00:49:54First of all, don't tell me what to do.
00:49:56Okay? And second of all, they're called croquis,
00:49:58you idiot. Okay.
00:50:00Okay, sweetheart.
00:50:02Okay, well, it's time to go, so
00:50:04just bye, Mom. Okay, sweetie.
00:50:06Oh, hi. I love you.
00:50:08This was fun. Bye, Mom!
00:50:10Fuck!
00:50:12I love you, okay?
00:50:14Now fucking leave!
00:50:16God almighty.
00:50:19And what a trip.
00:50:21Can I see that lube? Sure.
00:50:25What the fuck?
00:50:27Oh, shit!
00:50:29You like that, devil bitch?
00:50:42Still got it.
00:50:45All right.
00:50:47All right, upsy-daisy.
00:50:49Hey.
00:50:51Everyone get out and stay back.
00:50:53Yeah.
00:50:57What are you gonna do?
00:50:59Get out of my way, Caitlin!
00:51:02Okay.
00:51:14Give up, Cort.
00:51:16Non-proterabine. Non-proterabine.
00:51:18You have seasoning in a fly-borne blood.
00:51:20Non-proterabine. Non-proterabine.
00:51:22Non-proterabine. Non-proterabine.
00:51:24Non-proterabine.
00:51:27Non-proterabine.
00:51:31You shall not pass.
00:51:33Goddamn Gandalf shit.
00:51:35I will get you out of him.
00:51:40You won't.
00:51:42And you can't.
00:51:44I'm not letting him get close to the surface.
00:51:50He is trying, though.
00:51:52It must really hurt.
00:51:56You remember.
00:52:00Let's leave him.
00:52:02Caitlin,
00:52:04keep watch.
00:52:12Feeling a little bit left out?
00:52:22Okay.
00:52:24I learned these protections in wards.
00:52:26Surely there is something else in here we can use.
00:52:29So he can't die.
00:52:31Right.
00:52:33Whatever we do to his body now affects Glenn.
00:52:35Not him, and I am not willing to risk Glenn.
00:52:37Okay. What do you need, Cort?
00:52:39You want water? I'll get you water.
00:52:41So we need to get him out of Glenn and then sent back to Hell?
00:52:44Sick.
00:52:46Okay. We'll need the four of us again,
00:52:48but we can banish him.
00:52:50Yes.
00:52:52You're sending Glenn to Hell. That's what you just said.
00:52:55Yes.
00:52:57And if there is another spell in that book
00:52:59to get him out of my brother,
00:53:01I'm sure Dave won't give us the time before he slaughters us all.
00:53:04You're right.
00:53:06I can make you a grilled cheese.
00:53:08So what exactly is the plan?
00:53:10I'm here now.
00:53:12What? I get him out, you send him back.
00:53:14What the fuck?
00:53:16Chuck, the energy and focus these incantations require...
00:53:20This is an exorcism, but it asks for four mortals, too.
00:53:23Okay, so we just need three more people.
00:53:25No. I'm not bringing anyone else into this.
00:53:28Do they have to be alive?
00:53:31Me, Matt, the pizza guy?
00:53:33Bucket of what the fuck? It's...
00:53:35Theoretically, they could channel energy,
00:53:37but they can't amplify it,
00:53:39and you don't have enough intention on your own.
00:53:41I don't know what any of that means.
00:53:43Anybody want a Xanax?
00:53:45Right here.
00:53:47Lexi?
00:53:49Do you take Adderall?
00:53:51Do I?
00:53:59Remember that econ final?
00:54:01Fuck yeah.
00:54:03I can get you a water.
00:54:05Water? You're cute.
00:54:17Ah!
00:54:23Oh, my God.
00:54:28Sorry.
00:54:33Ah!
00:54:47Ah!
00:54:58Ah!
00:55:17Fuck yeah.
00:55:27Left out again?
00:55:32I'm used to it. It's fine.
00:55:34Oh.
00:55:36Convincing.
00:55:39Am I not?
00:55:43I can't come out,
00:55:45but you can come in.
00:55:47You gonna kill me?
00:55:49No.
00:55:51No. I like you.
00:55:53Remember?
00:55:58What?
00:56:01It's nothing. It's, um...
00:56:03I always thought of Glenn
00:56:05as such a dweeb, but
00:56:07with you and him, he's...
00:56:09Hot, right?
00:56:11Yeah, I think I suit him.
00:56:15I think you do.
00:56:30Since we've already established
00:56:32how unconvincing I am,
00:56:34I suppose I can't persuade you
00:56:36to go away
00:56:38and leave our family alone forever?
00:56:40Yeah, that's...
00:56:42not really how I operate.
00:56:44I get it.
00:56:46It's not really how I operate, either.
00:56:48If I don't look out for me,
00:56:50who will?
00:56:52Exactly.
00:56:54And if you want something,
00:56:56you better be willing to trade.
00:57:02Okay.
00:57:04I think this'll work.
00:57:06Is he gonna be okay?
00:57:08Jesus. What is your dosage, Lexi?
00:57:10Oh, it's very high.
00:57:12Okay.
00:57:14Have him stay focused on Glenn.
00:57:16We can't have him fixate on anything else.
00:57:36Okay. Wait, wait, wait.
00:57:38Does Glenn know that I'm the one
00:57:40who posted the porn on his old Cinemax account?
00:57:42He does now.
00:57:46How do you do the eye thing?
00:57:48Because, like, sometimes they're yellow,
00:57:50but sometimes they're not.
00:57:52Okay, hold on.
00:57:56No, you're still brown.
00:57:58It's not...
00:58:00It's not working.
00:58:02Sorry.
00:58:04I'm just a little nervous. I don't know why.
00:58:06It doesn't really happen to me.
00:58:08Dave,
00:58:10are you serious?
00:58:12Courtney...
00:58:14That is my husband.
00:58:16Not to split hairs, that's actually
00:58:18Satan possessing your fiancé.
00:58:20Oh, well, either way...
00:58:22You screwing him in my childhood bedroom
00:58:24does not seem appropriate or helpful.
00:58:26I wasn't.
00:58:28I was just talking. I'm trying to see
00:58:30if he'd be willing to trade us.
00:58:32Spare me. Spare me your constant lies.
00:58:34I'm not lying.
00:58:36I don't live in hell.
00:58:38For you? For Glenn to fix this?
00:58:40Yeah, I would. Bullshit.
00:58:42You are the most selfish person I know.
00:58:44You take everything for yourself.
00:58:46Is it so impossible to believe that I'm trying to help?
00:58:48I don't want your help.
00:58:50The only thing you do is consistently
00:58:52get in the way and screw shit up.
00:58:54Says the woman bound to Satan.
00:58:56You invited him in.
00:58:58I didn't know, Courtney.
00:59:00You never tell me anything, and now we're here
00:59:02and people are dead.
00:59:04Where are you going?
00:59:10I know what I did.
00:59:12I know what to take. I know what we've already lost.
00:59:14I know all of that. I also know
00:59:16those are absolutely my earrings.
00:59:18Will you just let me explain?
00:59:20Hi.
00:59:24What the fuck is all this yelling?
00:59:30John!
00:59:34John!
00:59:48We gotta go.
00:59:50We gotta go.
00:59:52We gotta go.
01:00:00Sorry.
01:00:02Use the good bathroom.
01:00:06Lexi, run!
01:00:20Stay with John.
01:00:32Stay with John.
01:00:56You want me?
01:00:58Let her go.
01:01:00Court,
01:01:02what's the fun in that?
01:01:04She's innocent.
01:01:10She's expendable.
01:01:14And she's under the bed.
01:01:20You can come out now.
01:01:30That's my obedient
01:01:32girl.
01:01:36Not
01:01:38perturbant.
01:01:40What did you just say?
01:01:42I said
01:01:44you shall
01:01:46not pass.
01:01:50Not perturbant.
01:01:52Not perturbant.
01:01:54You know, you deserve to be paid
01:01:56for your time in jail.
01:01:58Lexi!
01:02:04No, no, no, no.
01:02:06It's okay, Court.
01:02:08It's okay.
01:02:12No, Lexi!
01:02:16No, no.
01:02:18Courtney, I just saw Chuck.
01:02:24Courtney, look what you did.
01:02:28I didn't.
01:02:30I know this is a bad time,
01:02:32but I think I know what he meant by one way out.
01:02:34Get the hell out.
01:02:36Now.
01:02:38Where? Where do you want me to go?
01:02:40Your boyfriend put a curse on the goddamn house.
01:02:42I don't give a shit. Go!
01:02:44Shut up, both of you!
01:02:46Courtney, if you have a mark,
01:02:48it means he gave you a ring.
01:02:50I know you're in pain, but I need you to think.
01:02:52Courtney, where is it?
01:02:54He didn't give me a ring, Jasmine. I would remember.
01:02:56It could be a necklace or a crown,
01:02:58as long as it's infinite.
01:03:00Just, it could be, like, a bangle.
01:03:02That's very sweet.
01:03:04I usually do a lot of persuading,
01:03:06but the first thing you did when we met
01:03:08was bind yourself to me forever.
01:03:10Oh, my God.
01:03:12Courtney, you can use it against him.
01:03:14It works the other way.
01:03:16You can bind him.
01:03:18He didn't tell you that, but think.
01:03:20Where is it?
01:03:22I...
01:03:24I don't know.
01:03:26Unbelievable.
01:03:28I didn't know it was important,
01:03:30and I didn't know how any of this shit works!
01:03:36Why are you still here?
01:03:42Aah!
01:03:44Whoa!
01:03:46Yeah, he's fighting. He's fighting.
01:03:48He's in here.
01:03:54No!
01:03:56If you die, he has no reason to spare Glenn.
01:03:58How is that not everything
01:04:00running through your mind right now?
01:04:02I can figure this out.
01:04:04This ends one way.
01:04:06I love him so much.
01:04:08Bullshit!
01:04:10If you loved my brother, you would have stayed away.
01:04:12What did you think?
01:04:14You'd be the first person in history
01:04:16the devil just let go?
01:04:18Because you asked?
01:04:20You're the danger.
01:04:22You're the danger, Courtney.
01:04:24You.
01:04:26I love him.
01:04:28It isn't enough.
01:04:30You're a trap, Courtney.
01:04:34You give the devil his due,
01:04:36and you set my brother free.
01:04:42I can't.
01:04:46Courtney, no!
01:04:52No.
01:05:06When you can breathe,
01:05:08and we can't,
01:05:10you're not special.
01:05:12You're not lucky.
01:05:16You're the curse itself.
01:05:22No.
01:05:52No.
01:06:22Damn.
01:06:26Hmph.
01:06:52I'll go.
01:06:54Let him out.
01:06:56I consent.
01:06:58No.
01:07:00After.
01:07:02After?
01:07:04I'll do the ceremony in this body,
01:07:06and then I'll release him after.
01:07:08Here.
01:07:10A little something I worked up.
01:07:16I'm sorry.
01:07:18A little something I worked up?
01:07:24You and I both know
01:07:26you have no business being in a white dress.
01:07:34Witnesses?
01:07:38If you please.
01:07:49Where's your sister?
01:07:51Fuck my sister.
01:07:53Hm. Maybe later.
01:07:55This is your day.
01:08:18Showtime.
01:08:20You.
01:08:22There.
01:08:48And here comes the bride.
01:09:18You.
01:09:20You.
01:09:22You.
01:09:24You.
01:09:26You.
01:09:28You.
01:09:30You.
01:09:32You.
01:09:34You.
01:09:36You.
01:09:38You.
01:09:40You.
01:09:42You.
01:09:44You.
01:09:46You.
01:09:48You.
01:09:50You.
01:09:52You.
01:09:54You.
01:09:56You.
01:09:58You.
01:10:00Stop.
01:10:02Caitlin, no. It's too late.
01:10:04Shut up, you insufferable bitch.
01:10:06Ooh, shit.
01:10:10I've spent my entire life
01:10:12trying to live in your light
01:10:14the better daughter,
01:10:16better sister, better woman,
01:10:18but none of that goodness left for me.
01:10:20If I was lucky enough
01:10:22to get any of you,
01:10:24you fed me with anger and contempt.
01:10:26You never gave me shit,
01:10:28so are you surprised
01:10:30that I stole instead?
01:10:32I have stolen
01:10:34everything I possibly could
01:10:36from you.
01:10:38The only thing of yours
01:10:40I've never wanted is Glenn,
01:10:42but Dave...
01:10:44Dave I want.
01:10:48That's real cute,
01:10:50but that just won't work for me, babe.
01:10:54I'm not gonna give her up.
01:10:56This isn't about her.
01:10:58I look out for me, remember?
01:11:00What I want.
01:11:08What is it you want?
01:11:12For the first time in my life,
01:11:14I am the right sister.
01:11:16Envious,
01:11:18wrathful,
01:11:20proud, lustful,
01:11:22broken.
01:11:24I am broken,
01:11:26like her and more,
01:11:28but I also get you.
01:11:30I don't fight that side of myself
01:11:32like she does. I am the right sister,
01:11:34so pick me,
01:11:36and I am eagerly,
01:11:38enthusiastically yours.
01:11:40I said I don't
01:11:42want Glenn.
01:11:44You really do
01:11:46like me, don't you?
01:11:54Is this better?
01:11:56Glenn!
01:12:00Of all the things
01:12:02I have taken from my sister,
01:12:04I will
01:12:06always be proudest of this.
01:12:10What the fuck?
01:12:18No way.
01:12:20You will never hurt any of us, ever again.
01:12:24You liar.
01:12:26I always liked your sister more.
01:12:28I feel like you talk a lot.
01:12:30I'm gonna ask you to stop.
01:12:36Now heal him.
01:12:40Glenn!
01:12:42Courtney?
01:12:44Jazzy?
01:12:46Glenn.
01:12:48Jasmine,
01:12:50go.
01:12:52Live your lives, please.
01:12:54Whoa, whoa, whoa, Jazzy, wait.
01:12:56I won't go.
01:13:00This woman brought hell
01:13:02on you.
01:13:04That woman beat hell
01:13:06back for me.
01:13:11Why would I
01:13:13want to walk away from something so powerful?
01:13:23Release her.
01:13:25Forever.
01:13:41Do you really
01:13:43want to be with Dave?
01:13:45Oh, God, no.
01:13:47I mean, I might have fucked him one time.
01:13:49Just to say that I did it.
01:13:55You may speak.
01:13:57Finally. God, it's so boring without me.
01:13:59Can I go?
01:14:01It's been like one minute.
01:14:03It sucks.
01:14:05You suck.
01:14:08Can you bring them back?
01:14:21One.
01:14:38Obviously, you have to bring your brother back.
01:14:40Are y'all for real?
01:14:42Think about how much nicer Lexi is.
01:14:44Like, who's gonna make the world a better place?
01:14:46Well, Chuck's Glenn's best friend, too, so...
01:14:48Yeah, well, we gotta be thinking about more people
01:14:50than... God damn it.
01:14:52Sabotage.
01:14:54Tell the truth.
01:14:57Okay, I can bring back two.
01:14:59I had a rollover from last month.
01:15:01You're resurrected.
01:15:03I'm gonna have to go.
01:15:05I had a rollover from last month.
01:15:07Your resurrection powers work like cellular minutes?
01:15:09I don't make the rules.
01:15:11Who does?
01:15:13We don't really have time to tackle that at this point.
01:15:15Okay, uh, bring them both back,
01:15:17Lexi and Chuck,
01:15:19safely and as themselves.
01:15:21Oh, and for the next three months,
01:15:23your resurrections are reserved.
01:15:25Matt, hot pizza guy,
01:15:27bucket of Lisa.
01:15:29Ugh.
01:15:31You are no fun, which is really sad
01:15:33because I actually thought that you were.
01:15:35Fuck!
01:15:37Fuck! Shit! Fuck! God damn it!
01:15:39Fuck!
01:15:45Courtney,
01:15:47you look beautiful.
01:15:49Did I die?
01:15:51Glenn, did I die?
01:15:53You'd tell me if I died, right?
01:15:55Let's get married.
01:15:57Right now.
01:15:59How?
01:16:01How?
01:16:03You didn't even put priesthood in contention.
01:16:07Gah!
01:16:09Is anyone else online ordained?
01:16:17Dave?
01:16:19Are you an ordained priest?
01:16:21Okay, yes.
01:16:23I had some mortal friends in New York
01:16:25that asked me, and I got online ordained.
01:16:27Okay, yes.
01:16:29We can get Dave to do it.
01:16:31Can I...
01:16:33Can I get ready first?
01:16:37Court,
01:16:39this is our purpose.
01:16:41Bridesmaids.
01:16:49Assemble!
01:16:53Excuse me.
01:16:55Hey, sorry. Did I die?
01:16:57No.
01:17:01Did I die?
01:17:05Someone answer me!
01:17:07Am I dead now?
01:17:09What the fuck?
01:17:11What the fuck?
01:17:25You good, bro?
01:17:27Yeah, man. Hold still.
01:17:29Almost there.
01:17:31Bro, did you know I died?
01:17:33Yeah, that was scary.
01:17:35And then I came back.
01:17:37Fuck.
01:17:41Court,
01:17:43no, your mascara.
01:17:45It's okay, Lexi.
01:17:49I'm ready.
01:18:11You will go through with this.
01:18:13Yeah.
01:18:15Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:18:17Then you will leave.
01:18:19You'll never return to any of us
01:18:21ever again.
01:18:23Never it is, then.
01:18:29I didn't ask you to do this.
01:18:41For that one time,
01:18:43just say you did.
01:18:47This is the front desk number
01:18:49for the Orlando DMV.
01:18:51Yeah.
01:19:01Gotta be honest, man. Being dead takes a lot out of you.
01:19:03Hey.
01:19:07I know our feelings, man.
01:19:09You are strong as hell.
01:19:11Gotta know what your protein intake is.
01:19:19Would you like to stand with your brother?
01:19:21His bench
01:19:23is depleted.
01:19:27I don't forgive you.
01:19:29You never should.
01:19:35Okay.
01:19:37So, at the rehearsal,
01:19:39I went first, and then Lexi goes right before you.
01:19:41I'd like you both to walk me down.
01:19:45My maids of honor.
01:19:49Courtney, no.
01:19:51You don't have to do that.
01:19:53Lexi, can you give us a minute?
01:19:55You bet. I want to see if I can get some of this blood out.
01:19:59Caitlin.
01:20:01I know that I fixed it with the bracelet thing,
01:20:03but I stole the bracelet in the first place.
01:20:05I didn't want Dave here because I knew it would make him mad,
01:20:07and I still did all that terrible stuff our whole lives.
01:20:09I was never as good as you thought I was.
01:20:15My whole life, you had me on this pedestal.
01:20:19I knew I was never gonna live up to it.
01:20:23Chuck is terrible.
01:20:25But at least I never felt like I was disappointing him.
01:20:29I knew I'd always disappoint you.
01:20:31That isn't true.
01:20:33I know that now.
01:20:37But I was so focused on how you made me feel.
01:20:41I just never thought about what it was doing to you.
01:20:45My whole life,
01:20:47I've never thought about anyone but myself.
01:20:51And in spite of that,
01:20:53you still almost went to hell for me.
01:20:55You still almost went to hell for me.
01:21:03You are not a disgrace.
01:21:11Ready?
01:21:13Hell yeah.
01:21:25Hell yeah.
01:21:55Mm.
01:22:07And now, by the power
01:22:09vested in me by the internet,
01:22:13I pronounce you husband and wife.
01:22:15You may kiss the bride.
01:22:25Yoo-hoo!
01:22:27I've got grandma's key. You can't keep me out this time.
01:22:29Where's my pretty girl?
01:22:33Lube lady!
01:22:43Are those organs?
01:22:45Yeah. And a detergent stick if you want to use that.
01:22:47Okay.
01:22:57I did it!
01:22:59We all did it.
01:23:01Fine.
01:23:05I'm gonna head out.