Million Ways to Die in the West je američka vestern komedija iz 2014. u režiji Setha MacFarlanea, a po scenariju MacFarlanea, Aleca Sulkina i Wellesleyja Wilda.
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Short filmTranscript
00:00In the year 1882, the American Wild West is dangerous for life, food is scarce, diseases spread quickly, and only the toughest people manage to survive.
00:09In a small town in Arizona, sheep farmer Albert goes to the city market to meet a cowboy who threatens to kill Albert's family if he doesn't get the money he lost because of Albert's sheep.
00:20Now he is ready for a duel, but Albert is a cuckoo who begins to invent excuses to avoid the fight, and even makes a mess with one hand.
00:27The cowboy knocks and shoots Albert in the leg, while Albert's girlfriend, Louise, looks disappointed.
00:32After that, Albert and Louise have a picnic by the river, and Louise says that Albert should have been braver.
00:38She is surprised to see him, claiming that she has been thinking about it for some time. Albert says he loves her, but Louise leaves.
00:45Meanwhile, in the saloon, Edward is waiting for his girlfriend to finish her job.
00:49The manager provokes him to go out with a woman who satisfies other men for money, but he doesn't care.
00:55Ruth soon leaves the room and goes to a meeting with Edward, after promising the manager that she will be back on time for another client.
01:02In the evening, Edward and Ruth visit Albert to offer him support, because he can't stop thinking about Louise and looking at their pictures together.
01:09They finish their trip to the saloon to have a drink, and Albert begins to talk about how life in the Wild West is the worst, because everything can kill you.
01:17He mentions hungry animals, but also drunk people, going to the toilet, and miners who, in peace of their asses, after eating the fried wing, which happens behind him.
01:26Then he takes out his friends to show that the manager was lying dead outside for three days and no one noticed.
01:32At that moment, two wolves come out and take the manager's body to eat it.
01:36The guy in the saloon is tired of Albert's grumbling and throws him out through the window.
01:40After he drank a lot, Albert recklessly rides his horse and even falls, but still reaches Louise's house.
01:46He tries to take her back, but unsuccessfully.
01:49The next day, the old man rides his horse with his dog, a plowman from out of town.
01:53He is happy that he found a piece of gold, which he quickly hides when he sees a group of suspicious hunters coming.
01:59A well-known criminal, Clinch asks for gold from the old man and even tells him to take out his gun so he can take it from him without robbery.
02:06The old man does it, and Clinch says he'll shoot three, but Clinch shoots two and kills the old man.
02:12Clinch's wife, Anna, protests against the unnecessary killing, and Clinch grabs her by the neck to silence her.
02:17Then he takes the man's map and divides the gang to search the area, sending the wolves with Anna to the city.
02:23On the way out, Anna decides to detain the plowman.
02:25In the meantime, Edward goes to check on Albert.
02:28While he talks about ties and women, Albert is shocked when he hears that Edward and Ruth did not have an intimate relationship because they are Christians waiting for marriage.
02:35The guys go to the city to watch the message of ice from Boston, which falls and kills the man.
02:39They are shocked when they see Louisa with a new boy named Foy, whose burp is the envy of every man.
02:44Later in the church, Albert constantly watches the relationship with Foy.
02:48The pastor represents Anna and Louis, who turn out to be brothers and sisters who have just moved to the city.
02:53After the mission, Albert goes to Foy's burp shop and asks for products that can help to release burps.
02:59However, Foy laughs at him, saying that his farmer's salary cannot afford such luxurious products.
03:05That night in the salon, Edward asks Ruth to finally be intimate, but she rejects him.
03:10She notices that there is a seed of a man on his face and wipes it with her broom.
03:14Then Albert announces that he wants to leave the city and gives Edward his favorite socks,
03:18so my Edward, in addition, gives his broom, which hangs on Albert's hand.
03:22In the meantime, the cowboy accidentally runs into Louis, spraying him with a drink.
03:26Louis wants a new one, so the cowboy pours him a drink just to put a cigarette in it.
03:31Louis responds by shooting at the guy, which immediately causes a fight in the bar.
03:35While the men are brutally attacking, they set fire, destroy the premises and even kill a few people,
03:40Albert and Edward pretend to fight to leave them alone.
03:44The bottle breaks and is used to seduce the fighter, while Anna just avoids all that and drinks in the corner.
03:49At that moment, Albert notices that two men will fall on Anna, so he quickly jumps to save her, pushing her out.
03:55More and more men join the fight with weapons, so they run to the city square to walk around
04:00and talk while playing with the camp.
04:02After a few shots, the camp returns to the city with the chief's leg,
04:05so instead of the staff, the duo decides to go to the bar to relax.
04:09While sharing a cigarette, Albert says he doesn't care about his situation with Louis,
04:12and Anna concludes that Louis is missing a good guy.
04:15Suddenly, a snake slides next to her, so they remain calm to avoid a bite.
04:19Then Anna warns Albert to take her to the barn to make Louis jealous.
04:23The next day, Anna visits Louis in prison, calling him stupid for shooting the pastor's son.
04:28She admits that she will be happy when Clinch dies and leaves without letting Louis go to freedom.
04:33After that, she joins Albert at the fair, where the guy takes pictures.
04:37However, his camera explodes, lighting up the photographer and his clients.
04:41Two men quickly shoot the clients to save them from pain.
04:45At that moment, Louis and Foy appear, so Anna pretends to be Albert's girlfriend while they exchange jokes.
04:50Anna mentions that there is a shooter, and Foy deceives Albert to accept the charge.
04:55The game consists of shooting at the pictures of the thieves in the run, and Foy manages to hit all six shots.
05:00When Albert is in the lead, he misses every shot.
05:03Before he can pay, Anna steps up and convinces Foy to pay the charge.
05:07She asks the operator of the game to go as fast as he can and uses two pistols to hit all the shots in a second.
05:12Now Foy has to pay Albert a dollar, which leaves everything in shock because they have never seen more money than cash.
05:18Refusing to see him as a loser, Foy continues to laugh at Albert, who breaks and challenges Foy to a duel the next day.
05:24Foy accepts, and after he leaves, Albert panics, regretting his decision.
05:28Anna decides that she will teach Albert to shoot, and on the way out she sees the bull running and killing the owner of the booth.
05:34The duo leaves the building to practice, and Albert proves that he is a terrible shooter again and again, even from a distance.
05:40Fortunately, Anna is very patient and never gives up, trying different tricks to gradually make Albert better little by little.
05:47After they finally hit the bull, they draw a man on the doors and Albert shoots his bullet, almost killing the owner of the booth in the process.
05:55When the practice is over, Anna rewards him with a cookie.
05:58They watch the sunset together, and the cookie surprises them even because of the small animals.
06:02In the city, the sheriff opens the cell to bring food to Louis.
06:05Pretending to be asleep, Louis is surprised to attack the sheriff, killing him with the blows of a nutcracker.
06:11Later that night, Albert goes dancing with Talisan, who wears an extra-elegant dress for that occasion.
06:16Foy and Louis are also there, and Foy wants to compete again.
06:20He tells the band to play a song that celebrates the joy of having a bull, humiliating Albert for not having any, and challenging him to be thrown off the dance floor.
06:29Anna is not satisfied with this and makes a plan, steals a bottle of whiskey from the bartender and puts a laxative in the glass.
06:35Then she calls Foy to compete in drinking and deliberately loses so that Foy's mother would drink her little trick.
06:41After that, Albert and Anna leave the fun and decide to drink on the farm.
06:45They talk a lot and avoid each other because of their hatred of the wild west.
06:48Albert brings one of the sheep to bring Anna a photo of a smiling man, which is considered impossible.
06:54Anna thanks him for the kiss on the cheek, which quickly turns into a real kisser.
06:58Feeling uncomfortable, Albert takes Anna back to her hotel, just to fall in love again with what Louis sees.
07:04On the way home, Albert notices the bright light coming from the chandelier.
07:08He opens the door and finds Doc Brown from Back to the Future, working on DeLorean.
07:13The bartender says it's just an experiment with time, and Albert believes him.
07:16In the meantime, at Foy's, Louis begs him not to kill Albert, but he refuses.
07:20Then the scary things begin again, and Louis kisses his cheeks, but Foy, surprised, feels the power and has to run to the bathroom.
07:28The next morning, Anna hears knocking on the door and opens it just to find out it's a clinch.
07:33A few moments later, at the city market, Albert is confused because Anna has not appeared.
07:38Foy arrives, but barely walks, and again feels bad, so he has to crawl wider to make it easier for them.
07:43When Foy is finally ready for the fight, Albert throws his belt and gun, telling Foy that he can detain Louis because he has moved on.
07:50After Louis wishes her luck in her new life, Albert goes to look for Anna and finds her empty room.
07:56Confused, Albert goes to the living room to complain to his friends.
08:00At that moment, the clinch appears with his gang and announces that someone has seen how he kisses his wife, Anna, who also pulls with him.
08:07While Albert's heart is breaking, and Diana is drunk, the clinch asks who kissed his wife and shoots a random cowboy with a familiar face to prove how dangerous he is.
08:16Before he leaves, the clinch tells the gang that there will be more people if the one who kissed Anna does not appear tomorrow afternoon.
08:22Then the clinch leads Anna out of town to fight for her love with another man.
08:26He also threatens to kill the camp, forcing Anna to recognize Albert's name.
08:31The clinch then violently kisses Anna and takes off his pants to do the dirty work, and Anna uses that distraction to hit him with a stone in the head.
08:38Before he leaves, he puts a flower in the clinch's ass.
08:41Using the clinch's horse, Anna arrives at the farm, where Albert packs his things to leave before the clinch finds him.
08:47She is angry because she lied to him, admitting that she loves him.
08:50Anna explains that she married the clinch when she was 9 years old and that she still stays with him.
08:55Then she admits that she loves Albert.
08:57The moment is over when she sees the clinch's gang coming, and Anna leaves after telling Albert that the clinch always shoots at two.
09:04Soon after that, the clinch and his people arrive at the farm and start looking for Albert, who is hiding among his sheep and is being chased by the police.
09:11When the gang does not look, Albert hides and comes to his horse to run away.
09:15He starts to run, and the clinch fails to shoot at Albert because of how fast he is.
09:19They reach the railway, and Albert manages to run before the train passes, jumping on him to run away.
09:25In the end, he gets out of the train and stops to rest his horse just to be knocked out by someone.
09:30In the city, Edward and Ruth decide to consummate their relationship.
09:34Edward is scared when he sees female parts for the first time, and when they finally get to work, Anna interrupts them.
09:39It turns out that she is being watched by the wolves, but by the time she gets inside, she has already run through the window.
09:44Unfortunately, she immediately blocks the clinch.
09:47In the meantime, Albert wakes up and is tied to a pole surrounded by the Apache Indian tribe.
09:52They are ready to burn him, but Albert surprises them when he speaks their language, admitting that he has learned a lot in his free time.
09:58The Indians let him down and put him to sit around the campfire, sharing a special drink with him.
10:04Albert drinks too much of it and begins to hallucinate.
10:07He first returns to his old memories, such as the moment when he was born and his father refused to keep him.
10:12When Albert lost his first tooth, he put him under the pillow, but in the morning he found only horse manure.
10:18During the ceremony of diplomacy, the false Abraham Lincoln held a terrible speech.
10:22When he got his first bike, he tried to praise Louise and crashed into a pile of horses, pretending to fall.
10:28Then a group of horsemen and cowboys ran after him out of town.
10:31Surprised, the hallucination leads Albert to a strange field, where Anna tells Louise that she has big eyes,
10:36and Albert screams when he sees Louise's changed face.
10:39Then a group of sheep, which sounds like foals, gather to sing a song in the bushes while they dance and gallop.
10:45The doors open and the sheep with long legs tell Albert to open them when he is ready.
10:50A snake bites Albert, but he doesn't give up and tries again.
10:54The doors open and Albert sees Anna in a wreath waiting for him.
10:57When he passes the door, a condor with a kid's face in his mouth appears in the sky.
11:01Albert fails to defeat him, so instead he hits him in an awkward place to defeat him.
11:06At that moment, Albert comes out of hallucination and realizes that he has found the courage he needed,
11:11so he thanks the Indians for their wisdom and leaves.
11:14Six minutes before noon, Albert appears in a city market, where Clinch holds Anna like a father.
11:19He sends his people to fight and the counting begins, but Albert remembers Anna's advice and shoots at one.
11:25Clinch is hit in the hand, but manages to shoot and disarms Albert.
11:29To buy some time, Albert starts singing the song of death, claiming that it is a family tradition before death.
11:35Surprised, Clinch begins to feel very bad and falls, while Albert discovers that the Indians have taught him to extract snake poison and beat them with a bullet.
11:43He feels very proud of himself, but Clinch did not hear a word because he is already dead.
11:48Anna beats the individuals who held her like a father to free themselves and runs into Albert's hands, celebrating his victory by kissing.
11:55Louise comes and tries to bring Albert back, but he rejects her because he is now with Anna.
11:59As the new couple leaves, Anna reminds Albert that there is a reward for Clinch's head.
12:04Soon, Albert gets the money and buys a bunch of sheep for his farm to start a new life with Anna.
12:10In the meantime, the well-known cowboy from the second movie appears at the fair and kisses the cameraman because of his racist games of kissing.
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