SOAP 2023 Season 2 episodes 11-12
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00:00In the last episode of Soap, Elaine was kidnapped and therefore has disappeared.
00:06Eunice and Dutch, in order to disappear from the police, have disappeared to a farm.
00:11Bert and Mary still haven't talked and so their suspicions about each other haven't disappeared.
00:16And Chester, who still doesn't know who he is, has just up and disappeared.
00:21Confused? You won't be after this week's episode of Soap.
00:26This is the story of two sisters, Jessica Tate and Mary Campbell.
00:34These are the Tates.
00:37And these are the Campbells.
00:40And this is Soap.
00:56Get off!
01:13We have your wife. Don't call police or you'll never see her alive again.
01:19You will be notified of our plans.
01:21I can't believe it. I just can't believe it. I mean, why would anybody want to kidnap Elaine?
01:24The money, Bert. They do it for the money.
01:26Danny, I know that, but why us? We don't have any money.
01:29There's only one thing to do.
01:30What? Who are you calling?
01:31The police.
01:32No, Ma, we can't call the police. Didn't you read what the note said? Do not call the police.
01:36Danny, come on. What do you expect them to write? We've got your wife. Please call the police.
01:41Hey, what is all the racket in here? Do you guys know what time it is?
01:45Chuck, there's a reason why we're all up.
01:47Yeah, well, is there any good?
01:49Elaine has been kidnapped.
01:52And?
01:55And? What do you mean, and? How can you say and?
01:59Come on. Read.
02:13Hey, Dan, I'm sorry.
02:16Listen, why don't I go down and make us all some coffee or something, huh?
02:20Good idea, Chuck.
02:21Hey, listen, don't worry, Dan. I mean, after a couple of days with Elaine, they'll pay you to take her back.
02:30Danny, we have got to call the police.
02:32Wait a minute.
02:37Hello?
02:40Mr. Lefkowitz?
02:41It's Elaine's father.
02:43Mr. Lefkowitz, I'm afraid that I have some very bad news. We have a little...
02:49No, business is good. What? Hey, it couldn't be better. It's all right.
02:52Mr. Lefkowitz. Elaine.
03:00That's terrific! Good old Reggie.
03:04Reggie? Reggie? Reggie who?
03:06He put the Yankees in this series. He made a fortune.
03:13Mr. Lefkowitz, this is Danny. Mr. Lefkowitz, I have some terrible news. Elaine has been kidnapped.
03:22That is the terrible news.
03:25You know?
03:26He knows. The kidnappers called him first.
03:29How much?
03:31250,000 bucks!
03:33That's almost a quarter of a million dollars.
03:37What?
03:39What do you mean you won't pay it?
03:40He won't pay it?
03:42But she's your own.
03:44No, but Mr. Lefkowitz...
03:46No, but...
03:48Listen. Listen, you rotten, scum-sucking pig!
03:51I ought to come over there and rip your brains out!
03:53Listen.
03:57Why did you do that?
03:58Danny, he's a gangster. He could kill you.
04:00How are you going to keep Elaine alive if you're dead?
04:04Okay. Okay, but if he doesn't pay, Elaine doesn't stand a chance.
04:08Now, where are we going to get that kind of money?
04:11I have some money put away. It's yours.
04:13And I figure we can borrow maybe, what, $25,000?
04:16And then we can bargain him down a couple of hundred thousand dollars.
04:20Don't worry about Danny. We'll get him back.
04:23That's the one.
04:26That's the one!
04:27What did you do with the ball?
04:32Yeah. Yeah, this is him. It's him.
04:34Paper. Pencil.
04:36Come on!
04:37Pencil!
04:39Paper! Paper!
04:42Paper! Paper!
04:45Yeah, I got a pencil.
04:48Go ahead.
04:56Boardwalk.
04:58I don't want it.
05:01You're not going to buy boardwalk?
05:02No.
05:03Why? When you put a hotel on it and I land there, I'll have to pay a fortune.
05:08No, you won't. I won't charge you.
05:12My, that's against the rules.
05:14Mrs. Tate.
05:16Mrs. Tate, what is going on here?
05:19Monopoly.
05:20No, no, no. That's not what I mean.
05:22I'm upstairs cleaning your bathroom and a guy walks out of the shower fully dressed.
05:26Oh, that must be Detective Donahue.
05:29Well, what is he doing here?
05:30Looking for Chester.
05:32Well, I think if Mr. Tate was in the shower, we would have found him by now.
05:38I'd say it was my most difficult case.
05:41First of all, the body was in seven different states.
05:44Arm in Alabama, leg in Wisconsin.
05:47The head in Rhode Island.
05:49Took months to put the pieces together.
05:52You put all the pieces together?
05:54Sure.
05:56This guy's amazing.
05:57Not really. It's like a giant jigsaw puzzle.
05:59You got a bunch of parts, don't mean anything.
06:02Put them together, get a perfect picture.
06:04Only difference is the pieces I'm playing with are bloody.
06:08And the picture I get don't make Bambi in the end.
06:12Okay, Mrs. Tate, I'm done.
06:15Good.
06:16Does that mean that you're going to take the case?
06:19I'm not sure yet.
06:20I see your husband likes to dress up like a priest.
06:23Kinky.
06:25My husband was a priest.
06:28Congratulations on your pregnancy.
06:30How did you know?
06:31Saltines and the Rocky Road ice cream by your bed.
06:34Billy.
06:36It's a nice collection of magazines you've got hidden in your bedroom.
06:40Why don't you get yourself a girlfriend?
06:42I'm trying. I'm trying.
06:45Try a little harder.
06:49I see your daughter Eunice ran off with Dutch Lightner, who you hid in the basement.
06:53Amazing.
06:54Billy, did you tell?
06:55No.
06:56I swear.
06:57Nobody told me anything, Mrs. Tate.
06:58Everything is there. All you have to do is look for it.
07:00Amazing.
07:03Benson, could I get a cup of coffee?
07:05No.
07:07Good. Makes me jumpy as hell.
07:10Now, getting back to your husband's disappearance.
07:13I get these cases all the time.
07:15Find them all. You name them, I've found them.
07:18Amelia Earhart.
07:22Found her. Shopping.
07:26Martin Borman. Found him, too.
07:28Martin Borman. Found him, too.
07:30Sells Mercedes in Malibu.
07:34I find these cases very boring.
07:36I find you very boring.
07:40If it's so boring, why do you do it?
07:43What am I going to do? Heart transplants?
07:45It's what I know.
07:47Well, they say that you are the best detective in the world.
07:51And they're right.
07:53One thing I had to know, Mrs. Tate.
07:54Did your husband leave willfully?
07:56Because if your husband left willfully,
07:58why should I bother to find him?
08:00Oh, dear. Do you think that's possible?
08:02No.
08:03Good.
08:05I'll tell you why. I don't think any man in his right mind
08:07would leave a wife like you.
08:09Oh, Detective Donahue, you're very sweet.
08:12No, I'm not, Mrs. Tate. Just doing my job.
08:15Does that mean you're going to take the case?
08:17Only for one reason.
08:19What's that?
08:21I like your smile.
08:25Yes?
08:27May I come in?
08:29Oh, yes, Mrs. Tate. We're all finished.
08:31Oh, good.
08:33Doctor, I am so glad that you're a lady gynecologist.
08:37It makes it so much easier to come here.
08:39So, how is Corinne?
08:41Corinne is a fine, healthy, pregnant young lady.
08:44I know.
08:46But, Doctor, how come I'm so big at three weeks?
08:49That doesn't seem normal.
08:51Because you miscalculated, Corinne.
08:52You're not three weeks pregnant.
08:54You're five months pregnant.
08:57Uh-oh.
09:01But that's impossible.
09:03I've only been married a month.
09:05I understand, Corinne, but nowadays
09:07lots of girls have sex while they're engaged.
09:09Not if you're engaged to a priest.
09:11Do you mean to tell me
09:13that you and your husband never had sex?
09:15Never.
09:17Well, then, what about before your husband?
09:19When was the last time?
09:20Well, that would have been Peter.
09:25But I'm not exactly sure when that was.
09:27Could Peter recall the date?
09:29Oh, I don't think so. He's dead.
09:32My husband killed him.
09:39But it couldn't have been Peter
09:41because he's been dead for over six months.
09:43Then there must have been someone
09:45between Peter and your husband.
09:47There was no one.
09:48Think, Corinne.
09:51Ma, I swear there was no one.
09:53There was Peter,
09:55and then there was Tim after we were married,
09:57but otherwise there was no one.
09:59Absolutely no one, I swear it.
10:01Well, then, I don't know how to explain this.
10:05Doctor,
10:07perhaps it was from a public bathroom.
10:19That can't happen, Mrs. Ting.
10:22What about a swimming pool?
10:25I'm afraid not.
10:27Because I saw this cartoon once
10:29with the little talking sperm
10:31who said he was a terrific swimmer.
10:36He was very cute.
10:38Really?
10:40The little sperm was all light blue
10:42and wore swim trunks,
10:45and the little eggs were all pink
10:46and had little earrings on.
10:50Of course, I don't imagine
10:52that's the way they really look.
10:57It's not from a pool, Mrs. Tate.
11:01There is really only one way to get pregnant.
11:04Well, I'm out of ideas.
11:09Good.
11:12Now, Corinne,
11:14if what you say is true,
11:16there was no one between Peter and Tim,
11:18I don't know what to tell you.
11:20You have the uterus
11:22of a normal five-month pregnancy.
11:24Is there anything unusual
11:26you've noticed lately?
11:28Yes, there is.
11:30I know this might sound a little strange,
11:32but sometimes I hear humming
11:34when there's no one else in the room,
11:36and it seems to come from my stomach.
11:38Oh, that's hunger, Corinne.
11:40I get that, too.
11:42It kind of rumbles.
11:44Uh, no, Ma, this is different.
11:46This, uh, this isn't a rumbling.
11:48This is a tune.
11:51Raindrops keep falling on my head.
11:55Maybe Bert Bachrach is the father.
12:00Oh, dear.
12:02What is it?
12:04Well, I guess this means
12:06I have to tell Tim that I'm pregnant.
12:08Well, yes, when you go into labor,
12:10I think he's going to be suspicious.
12:13But I've only been married a month.
12:14How can I tell him I'm five months pregnant?
12:16Well, Corinne,
12:18you'll just have to tell him.
12:20I mean, what is he going to say?
12:22See ya.
12:34Okay, fellas,
12:36let's try and get it this time, okay?
12:39Okay?
12:41Before the milk curdles?
12:42All right, tape rolling.
12:44Thank you.
12:46Quiet, everybody.
12:48Here we go, and...
12:53Action.
12:55Hello, I'm Mr. Peppy Flake.
12:57I used to be a schleppy flake.
12:59I have to close a curlin'
13:01and my peppy eyes are glazin'
13:03because I got a buddy pal
13:05and his name is Rodney Raisin.
13:07Hiya, Mr. Peppy Flake.
13:09How are you, Rodney Raisin?
13:10I'm so glad to see you.
13:12You're splashing in my eye, you jerk.
13:15Hey, man, don't be callin' me a jerk.
13:23Fellas,
13:25we've been here since 7.30 this morning.
13:27How about it, huh?
13:29He's splashing in my eye.
13:31You were jumpin' up and down.
13:33I didn't splash on you.
13:35Yes, you did.
13:37All right, all right, all right, hold it, hold it.
13:38You were saying happy and peppy.
13:40Oh, yeah?
13:42What's the problem?
13:44Seems to be a little too much hate coming through.
13:46Seems to be dissipating the happy and the peppy.
13:48You know what I'm saying?
13:50Let's roll tape, please.
13:52Now, remember to tap Rodney on the head
13:54after you finish the song.
13:56He can't hear you underneath all that milk, okay?
13:58All right, now give me a little happy peppy
14:00bouncing up and down.
14:02That's it, good, use it, hmm?
14:04Rodney, under the milk, please.
14:06Here we go.
14:09Don't forget not to splash.
14:15Okay, action.
14:18Hello, I'm Mr. Peppy Flake.
14:20I used to be Mr. Peppy Flake.
14:24You gonna pay attention here?
14:26Yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
14:28Stop tape, please.
14:34Listen, Carol, I'm really sorry.
14:36I didn't get a chance to call you.
14:38It's been longer than I thought
14:40and I'm gonna have to work right through lunch.
14:42Jody, I think, uh,
14:44I think we should call off the wedding.
14:46I should be through by then.
14:48Who's gonna come?
14:50Oh, Elaine has been kidnapped
14:52and Bert and Danny are out looking for her
14:54and Eunice has run off with Dutch
14:56and Chester is missing
14:58and Jessica is worried sick
15:00and your mother is miserable over Bert's affair.
15:02It's gonna be you and me and Bernstein, the caterer.
15:04Hiya, Mr. Peppy Flake.
15:08I'm gonna kill you.
15:10I'm gonna kill you.
15:12Rodney, Rodney, what's the problem?
15:15He didn't tap me.
15:17Now, look, man, I'm not a mackerel, I'm a raisin.
15:24So either you hire a flipper
15:26or get me an aqualung.
15:29Hey, calm down.
15:31Everything will be okay.
15:34I need this.
15:36I have a hostile raisin here.
15:38Listen, Carol, I know there are a lot of problems
15:40but everybody wants us to go through with it.
15:42It'll make them happy
15:44and they need to feel a little happy these days.
15:46Uh, you, remember us?
15:48Yeah, fellas, listen, I'm very sorry about that.
15:50You're sorry?
15:52I've been in this milk for four hours.
15:54I'm starting to wrinkle.
15:56Terrific.
15:58A good raisin's supposed to be wrinkled.
16:00Thank you.
16:02Let's roll tape, please.
16:04Let's get it this time, huh?
16:06All right, now listen, trust me.
16:08All right, let's get it, D.J., huh, please?
16:10Thank you.
16:12Quiet, everybody.
16:14Rodney, under the milk, please.
16:22Action.
16:24Hello, I'm Mr. Pappy Flake.
16:26I used to be a schleppy flake.
16:28Hold it. Wait, don't anyone move.
16:30What's the trouble now?
16:32I lost the contact.
16:34Wait, I got it.
16:36Just a second.
16:38All right, steady.
16:41Hiya, Mr. Pappy Flake.
16:43Now you're gonna die.
16:45Now you're gonna die.
16:57Take five, everybody.
17:03Hi.
17:05Oh, just what the cereal needed.
17:06Fruit.
17:10Carol.
17:14Well, what a surprise.
17:16Dennis, what are you doing here?
17:18Jodi, I've been wanting to talk to you,
17:20but you never return my phone calls.
17:22Get the hint.
17:24Coffee, huh?
17:26How about a nice hot cup of coffee, huh?
17:28Jodi.
17:30I can't let you just walk out of my life.
17:33Dennis, I'm marrying Carol.
17:34Jodi, I've thought it over.
17:36I'll give up football.
17:38I'll come out.
17:40I'll do anything.
17:42I'll tell the world I'm gay.
17:44I think you just did.
17:46Can we turn that off, please?
17:51Dennis, it's the way it is.
17:53I'm marrying Carol.
17:55But I thought if I gave up football,
17:57I mean, we wouldn't have to sneak around anymore.
17:59Dennis, it won't make any difference.
18:01That's the way it is.
18:02Finished.
18:04Finished.
18:06Sounds so final.
18:11Okay, Jodi.
18:13I'm sorry, and I won't bother you again.
18:29Are you sure you want to go through with the wedding?
18:31Absolutely, you.
18:36This is very touching.
18:39Sick, but touching.
18:43Fellas, I'm sorry.
18:45Let's get back to work, okay?
18:47Hey, Jodi.
18:49Is it really over between you and Dennis?
18:52Yeah.
18:54Then you don't mind if I give him a call, do you?
19:00Okay.
19:10Where are the cops?
19:12They're around.
19:14They're here.
19:18Where are they?
19:20I don't see any cops.
19:22Danny, please.
19:24They're not going to wear their uniforms.
19:26They're in disguise.
19:28Don't look.
19:30What is this?
19:32There's one right over there.
19:34Don't look!
19:40There's no cop over there.
19:42There's just an old lady over there,
19:44and she's feeding the pigeons.
19:46Don't look!
19:49That's the cop.
19:51It's undercover.
19:53You saw it on Beretta.
19:55Don't look!
19:57Listen, are you sure we're in the right place?
19:58I'm sure.
20:00They said the phone booth by the elm tree.
20:02Are cops still there?
20:04I don't think that old lady's a cop.
20:06Why not?
20:08She just mugged somebody.
20:12Maybe the victim's the cop.
20:14Maybe.
20:16Come on.
20:18Where's that call?
20:20Danny, listen, Danny.
20:22I've been thinking that maybe I should talk
20:24to the kidnappers when they call and not you
20:26because you're getting too emotional.
20:28It's my wife.
20:30Come over here.
20:32Listen, I need you.
20:34Listen, just pay attention.
20:36Hear the sound of my voice.
20:38It's important.
20:40I'm going crazy, Bert.
20:42That ringing is driving me nuts.
20:44Bert, you ran right over.
20:46Get out of there.
20:52No!
20:54All right.
20:56All right, we're in the phone booth
20:58near the elm tree, just like you said,
21:00but we don't have the money.
21:02Be nice.
21:04Apologize for not having it.
21:06Okay, okay.
21:08Look, I just can't raise that kind of money.
21:10Listen.
21:12Listen, you lousy creep.
21:14If I get my hands on you...
21:16Hello.
21:18Hi, this is Bert Campbell.
21:20It's Danny's stepfather.
21:21Yes.
21:23Listen, we are...
21:25We just... He's a little overwrought.
21:27You got to forgive him.
21:29And we don't have $250,000.
21:31Come up with it.
21:33What do you want me to do, rob a bank?
21:35Yes, he says yes.
21:37I got a comic over here.
21:39Listen, you lousy piece of filth.
21:41Did you touch her hair?
21:43Hello.
21:45Sir?
21:47Yes, please.
21:49I'm sorry, we can't come up with $250,000,
21:51sir.
21:53When you're finished laughing, sir,
21:55maybe we can do a little business here.
21:57Okay.
21:59All right, this is Danny.
22:01Now listen, guys like me are real suckers
22:03paying blood money to vermin like you.
22:05If none of us ever paid you,
22:07you'd be out of business.
22:09So my only and final offer is $50,000.
22:11Take it or leave it.
22:13And if I ever get my hands on you,
22:15I'm going to rip your heart out.
22:17Oh, good, that's great, ripping hearts.
22:19That'll warm them up a little.
22:21I want to talk to them.
22:23Yeah.
22:25Yeah, okay.
22:27Okay, we'll be there.
22:29And we're going to want to talk to Elaine
22:31before we pay anything.
22:36Hey, that was incredible, Danny.
22:38That was strong and forceful.
22:40And stupid.
22:42Where are we going to get $50,000?
22:44I don't know.
22:46It's going to be a little tough to raise.
22:52It's going to be even tougher
22:54if I'm in here.
22:56What are we going to do?
22:58What are we going to do?
23:00Danny, use your head.
23:02The phone.
23:04You got some money?
23:06Sure.
23:08Break a five?
23:21And if they can't find their way
23:23out of the telephone booth and find $50,000,
23:25how will they ever find Elaine?
23:27What will Tim do
23:29when he finds out what Corinne found out,
23:31that she is five months pregnant?
23:33Since they've only been married a month,
23:35will he find that difficult to believe?
23:37Now that Dennis has found out
23:39Jody intends to marry Carol,
23:41will Jody find he has second thoughts?
23:43Will Detective Donahue find Chester?
23:45Does he want to find Chester?
23:47These questions and many others
23:49will be answered on the next episode
23:51of Soap.
23:53In the last episode of Soap,
23:55Jessica hired Detective Donahue
23:57to follow the trail of the missing Chester.
23:59But it appears Detective Donahue
24:01would prefer to follow Jessica.
24:03Danny and Bert began following
24:05the kidnappers' instructions,
24:07hoping they'll follow through
24:09on their promise to return Elaine.
24:11Eunice and Dutch are on their way
24:13to a farm in upstate New York
24:15and hope the police won't follow them.
24:17And what with Elaine's kidnapping
24:19and Jody's wedding plans,
24:21it's time to confront each other
24:23about their respective affairs.
24:25Unable to follow all this,
24:27you won't be after the following episode
24:29of Soap.
24:33This is the story of two sisters,
24:36Jessica Tate
24:38and Mary Campbell.
24:41These are the Tates
24:44and these are the Campbells.
24:48And this is Soap.
24:51And this is Soap.
25:19Well, you ask a stupid question
25:21and you get it wrong.
25:23They didn't say.
25:25I'd feel a lot easier
25:27if that lady would get off the line.
25:31Excuse me, miss.
25:33Are you going to be long?
25:35Get out of here.
25:37Thank you.
25:39She'll just be a few minutes.
25:41They could be calling any second now.
25:43Danny, please relax.
25:45You take these four phones.
25:47I'll get these four.
25:49How's it going, lady?
25:51If you don't get off this phone,
25:53me and him are going to kill you.
25:55Well, why didn't you say so?
25:57I'll call you later.
26:01Thanks.
26:03Those are mine.
26:05Those are mine.
26:07Hello.
26:09Hello.
26:11Yeah, I got it.
26:13I got all of it.
26:15But I'm not taking another step
26:17until I talk to Elaine.
26:19If that's not too much trouble, sir.
26:22Okay, lover boy,
26:24so how do I know you got the money?
26:26I got it.
26:28I got it.
26:30But unless I hear from Elaine,
26:32you'll never see it.
26:34Well, if we don't see it,
26:36you don't see her.
26:38And if we don't see her,
26:40you don't see the money.
26:42If I don't see the money,
26:44you don't see her.
26:46No her, no money.
26:48No money, no her.
26:49Shut up, jerk.
26:51Don't you ever talk to me like that again.
26:53Never again, sorry, never.
26:55All right.
26:57Here, watch your mouth.
26:59Danny?
27:01Elaine, thank God.
27:03Oh, Danny, Danny.
27:05Oh, God, I feel so bad.
27:07What's the matter?
27:09Are they hurting you
27:11because if they touch one hair on your head...
27:13No, no, no, honey, honey, I'm fine.
27:15It's just I feel so bad
27:17about being so much trouble.
27:19I love you.
27:21Oh, I love you.
27:23I love you, Danny.
27:25All right, all right, you love each other.
27:27This calls costing a fortune.
27:29All right, look.
27:31Here's where you make the drop.
27:33Uh-huh.
27:35Uh-huh.
27:37Yeah.
27:39Yeah.
27:41Across from the...
27:43Yeah, behind the...
27:45Yeah.
27:47That's not how you spell that.
27:49Yeah.
27:51Okay.
27:53Got it.
27:56Bye-bye.
28:00Danny, there's nothing to do now,
28:02but just wait for tomorrow.
28:12I really love her.
28:14I know, Danny.
28:19I know.
28:37Dutch?
28:39Yeah?
28:41This is your grandmother's farmhouse?
28:43Yeah.
28:45It's awful.
28:47It's...
28:49Go to pot?
28:51Eunice, she wasn't a bad housekeeper.
28:53She's been dead for ten years.
28:55Let's talk about it later.
28:57I've got to go to the bathroom.
29:02Dutch?
29:04Yeah?
29:06There's no bathroom.
29:08Of course there's a bathroom.
29:10There's got to be a bathroom.
29:12There's no bathroom.
29:14So would your grandmother die of kidney disease?
29:17I forgot.
29:19You see that over there by the tree?
29:21That's the outhouse.
29:23Outhouse?
29:25Yeah.
29:27That's where people go to the bathroom?
29:29Right.
29:31Forget it.
29:33Eunice, you're the one who has to go to the bathroom,
29:35not me.
29:37What? What?
29:39Tarantula!
29:41What are you doing up here?
29:43What do you mean, what am I doing up here?
29:45You said there's a tarantula.
29:47You're a man.
29:50I can't stand things like that.
29:52Spiders and stuff.
29:55Dutch, you've got to kill it.
29:58You've got to be kidding.
30:00That means I have to get close to it?
30:03Well, you killed a man for God's sake.
30:05You can kill a tarantula.
30:07That's probably not a tarantula.
30:09You know that, don't you?
30:11Oh, that's a tarantula, all right.
30:13There's no tarantulas in New York State.
30:15Oh, really? What do they do?
30:17Walk through Jersey, get to the George Washington Bridge
30:19and that's as far as we go.
30:24Dutch!
30:26What are you going to do?
30:28I'm going to kill it.
30:30Can't stay up there forever.
30:35That's not a tarantula.
30:37That's a black widow spider.
30:39Why didn't you kill it?
30:41Why didn't I kill it?
30:43Do you know how poisonous those things are?
30:45Well, he's probably much more afraid of us
30:47than we are of him.
30:49Then how come we're the ones up on the table?
30:52Dutch,
30:54why don't you just
30:56jump off the table and land on him?
30:58Okay, come on. Come on.
31:00Come on. Come on.
31:02Okay, okay, okay.
31:09What if that doesn't kill him?
31:11Dutch, you weigh 180 pounds.
31:13You'd kill a buffalo. Now go on.
31:15Jump.
31:20Did you kill him?
31:22I don't know. I don't feel him breathing.
31:28Not under that foot.
31:32Uh-oh.
31:34What?
31:36It's not under that foot either.
31:38Oh, God.
31:40What?
31:42He's crawling up my leg.
31:44Oh, he's not. He's not crawling up your leg.
31:46He is. He is. He's crawling up my leg.
31:48Dutch!
31:50Dutch, stand still.
31:52You're going to antagonize him.
31:54Oh, God.
31:56What?
32:01He bit me.
32:03I felt a bite.
32:05This is it, Eunice.
32:07I can feel the poison coming up my leg.
32:09It's going right to my heart.
32:11He bit me. He bit me.
32:13Where did he bite you?
32:15On my leg.
32:17You've only got a couple of minutes to live.
32:19There's nothing there.
32:21What do you mean, there's nothing there?
32:23There's nothing on your leg.
32:25Eunice, don't joke with a dying person.
32:27That ain't nice.
32:29Would you look?
32:31Wow!
32:36I killed him! I killed him!
32:40I was standing on him.
32:42Where are you going?
32:44To the outhouse.
32:45I'm going to kill a spider.
32:47I can handle the outhouse.
32:54Into the mystifying hall.
32:57Oh, Benson, good.
32:59Sit down a minute.
33:01Why?
33:03I want you to work this with me.
33:05What is it?
33:07It's a Ouija board.
33:09It tells the future.
33:11Get out of here.
33:13No, Benson, come on now.
33:15Put your fingers on it.
33:18Not like that.
33:20Gently, like this.
33:23Now, I ask it questions,
33:25and it spells out the answers.
33:27You paid money for this?
33:31Ready?
33:33Now?
33:35What is Benson going to cook for dinner?
33:39You could have just asked me
33:41instead of spending money on this.
33:43Nothing's happening.
33:45I guess I ain't cooking.
33:49Give it a minute.
33:51Forget it.
33:53It probably don't move for black people.
33:57Ah, I let myself in.
33:59Good, now you can let yourself out.
34:01Oh, Benson, can I get something to drink?
34:03No.
34:05Ah, good, thank you. I'd probably spill it.
34:08Detective Donahue,
34:10I have a surprise for you.
34:12And I have a surprise for you.
34:13I found a bandage
34:15that probably belonged to your husband
34:17at the train station.
34:19I think he's headed toward New York.
34:21Oh, let's ask the Ouija board.
34:23It'll tell us.
34:25Ouija board?
34:27Mm-hmm, that's my surprise.
34:29No kidding?
34:31Well, that's sure gonna save me a lot of work.
34:33Now I can conduct the entire investigation
34:35from the kitchen.
34:37You don't believe in it, do you?
34:39No, I don't.
34:41Well, do you think that you'll find Chester?
34:43Who?
34:45My ex-wife.
34:47What happened to her?
34:49She ran off with my partner.
34:51No.
34:53We owned a detective agency together, he and I,
34:55for ten years.
34:57Then one day, he and my wife disappeared,
34:59along with most of our earnings.
35:01See, he was screwing around with the books, too.
35:05You never found them?
35:07No, I never looked.
35:09See, in the beginning, I was so hurt,
35:11I couldn't bring myself to,
35:13and I don't want to.
35:15How terrible.
35:17No, it's okay, it's fine.
35:19House is quiet, there's no hair in the sink.
35:21Well, don't you worry.
35:23Someday you'll find someone.
35:25I already have.
35:27Oh, see that? Isn't that nice?
35:29Stinks, I hate it.
35:31Wish I'd never met her.
35:33I'm a wreck.
35:35If that woman knew what she was doing to me.
35:37You mean she doesn't know?
35:39Of course not.
35:41Well, you have to tell her how you feel.
35:43Of course you can.
35:45No, I can't.
35:47You just tell her.
35:49I love you.
35:51You see, just say it out like that.
35:53She'll love hearing it, believe me.
35:55I love you.
35:57Good, good, it sounds good, huh?
35:59You, I love you.
36:07Me.
36:09See what I mean?
36:11I'm sorry, I knew I shouldn't have said it.
36:13Close the door.
36:15Me?
36:17You.
36:19No.
36:21Yes.
36:23Really?
36:25Who do you think I'd make something like that up?
36:27Oh, this is terrible.
36:29Well, I don't know how terrible it is, I'm not that bad.
36:31Oh, no, I don't mean that.
36:33But if you feel the way you say you feel,
36:35how hard are you going to look for Chester?
36:37Very hard.
36:39I'd rather compete with a man than with the memory.
36:41Don't worry, Mrs. Tate, I promise,
36:43I'll get you.
37:02You're nervous, huh?
37:04Don't be, it's the happiest day of your life, remember that.
37:06Yeah, I know.
37:08It's the happiest day of my life once.
37:10It's the happiest day of your mother's life right now,
37:11isn't that true, Mary?
37:13You see?
37:15Don't be nervous.
37:17You nervous?
37:19A little.
37:21Don't be, it's the happiest day of your life.
37:23You nervous, Bert?
37:25No, I've been through this all before,
37:27yeah, I'm pretty nervous.
37:29Don't you be nervous,
37:31because you're marrying a wonderful girl
37:33and the entire family's crazy about us,
37:35so isn't that true, Mary?
37:37See what I mean?
37:39We're all tickled pink.
37:41We're all happy crying.
37:43You know, I've never been able to tell a difference.
37:45Yes.
37:47Yes.
37:49It's both.
37:51I'm happy because you're getting married, Jody,
37:53but I'm losing my baby.
37:55Ma, you're not losing me.
37:57I'm right here.
37:59Don't move out, I'll never see you.
38:01Ma, I moved out months ago.
38:04And you still see me.
38:06I mean, today's a perfect example.
38:08Look this way.
38:11What do you see?
38:13You.
38:15See?
38:17I'm just making a joke, Kimmy.
38:19Just let me explain something to you right now.
38:21You know, I'm not very big on father-son lectures, right?
38:23But women are different than men.
38:28I suppose if you understand that more than anybody,
38:31having the adult with her from both sides, so to speak.
38:34No, I mean up here,
38:36up here they're different.
38:38For instance, sometimes if you're nice to them,
38:39right away they get suspicious.
38:41And then if you treat them rotten,
38:43they think they did something wrong,
38:45and they feel great, you see?
38:47That is one of the more ridiculous things I've ever heard.
38:49Please, Mary, I know what I'm talking about here.
38:51They contradict a lot, too.
38:53You say blue, they say green.
38:55Totally untrue.
38:57See that? Okay, that's it.
38:59See you out there, Jody.
39:01Thanks, Bert.
39:04Uh, you know, Ma,
39:06I am a little nervous.
39:07I know.
39:12I hope I'm doing the right thing.
39:15I think you're gonna make a terrific married person.
39:22Ah, there you are.
39:24Everything okay?
39:26No, Aunt Jessie just sewed herself the carol.
39:28Do you think maybe you could go and undo them?
39:31Yes, I'll look.
39:33See you later.
39:38Ah.
39:43Hey!
39:45You son of a gun, you.
39:47Hey.
39:49You nervous?
39:51Yeah, a little.
39:53Well, don't be,
39:55because today is the happiest day of your life.
39:57I heard.
39:59You sure you're holding up okay?
40:01Yeah.
40:03How about you?
40:05Okay, okay.
40:07Just follow instructions and wait.
40:10You know, Danny,
40:12you didn't have to come here today.
40:14I would have understood.
40:16Look, we could all use a happy time right about now.
40:18I'm glad.
40:20Hey, listen.
40:22I'm not really big on giving brotherly advice,
40:24but I have found from personal experience
40:26that if you treat a woman in a certain way,
40:29she'll respond in a certain way.
40:32So whatever you do,
40:34always treat carol in a certain way.
40:37Okay?
40:42Thanks, Danny.
40:44It'll pay off for you in the end.
40:46It's good to know.
40:48Gee,
40:50isn't it something?
40:52I'm married, you're getting married.
40:54Remember when all we used to think about
40:56was whether Susie Spivaks were real enough?
41:00They were.
41:07Life was so simple then.
41:09Everything was so easy.
41:11At six, you were gonna be a fireman,
41:13and I was gonna be a dog.
41:17That's right.
41:19Big Alfred, the collie who lived on the block.
41:23And then a year later,
41:25I was gonna be the president,
41:27and you were gonna take Mickey Mantle's job away from him.
41:29You know, I'd still give five years of my life
41:31to have my face on a baseball card.
41:35Dallas, Jody, born in New York City,
41:37Joe's right.
41:39Jody once completed four double plays in one game
41:41while wearing high heels.
41:51Well,
41:53it's time. You ready?
41:55No.
41:57Now I'm ready, little brother.
42:04Hey, Alfred, come on, boy.
42:06Come on.
42:14Hey, Jody.
42:16Hi, Billy.
42:18Good luck, kid.
42:20Thanks.
42:22Hey, Jody.
42:24Hi, Billy.
42:26Good luck.
42:28Thanks.
42:30Does this mean I don't get to go
42:32to the Knick games with you anymore?
42:34Why would you ever think a thing like that?
42:36You won't have an extra ticket.
42:38Relax. Carol hates basketball.
42:40That's great. She's a terrific person.
42:46I'm letting you off guard duty tonight, private.
42:51Just be sure she's out of the barracks by 0600.
42:57Maybe she's having trouble with her gown.
42:59I'll be right back.
43:26I don't know. I'll go see.
43:35Shouldn't she come out now?
43:38Would you?
43:41I wonder what's keeping her.
43:43Common sense.
43:56Come on.
44:26Come on.
44:56Come on.
45:27Excuse me, everybody, but
45:31it appears that there's not going to be a wedding today.
45:37We seem to be missing a bride.
45:44I'm sorry.
45:48I mean,
45:50you all came down here and you all got dressed up
45:52and everything and
45:53blew a Saturday and
45:59I wish there was something I could do.
46:07A flower girl offered to marry me
46:09and her mother said no.
46:13Listen,
46:15you know what I think?
46:19Since we're all here anyway
46:20and we sure could use a party,
46:28why don't we go in the next room,
46:30take the dolls off the cake and get blitzed?
46:34What do you say?
46:37Okay.
46:50Let's go.
47:20Is Jodi living on a farm with Dutch
47:22or will she miss Bloomingdale's?
47:24If Detective Donahue gets Chester,
47:26will he be able to get Jessica
47:28or will she tell him to get lost?
47:30Where has Carol gone?
47:32What will Jodi do?
47:34And does this mean he has to return the wedding presents?
47:36These questions and many others
47:38will be answered on the next episode of Soap.