ALF - 063. Cousin Blinky
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😹
FunTranscript
00:00It's almost time for you to come back home.
00:07But we were only an hour away.
00:10One hour and twelve minutes is exactly what my seven maids tell me.
00:14Alf, can't you wait until we've unpacked?
00:21Let's think about it.
00:23No!
00:27Hey, where are the things from my list?
00:31We're very sorry, but on earth the grocery stores don't have any American specialties.
00:37Not even pudding in the shoe?
00:40No sales west of Jupiter.
00:44Well, then I'll make myself a kind of house.
00:47Will you lend me your paint shoes? You never wear them anyway.
00:50My shoes don't boil.
00:54Socks?
00:56This ban applies to any footwear.
01:00Well, then you eat your boring food.
01:03Oh, here, Alf.
01:05We brought you this.
01:07Oh, my National Inquisitor.
01:10Great, now I can finally find out about Michael Jackson's reduction of the skull.
01:16I just can't believe you're reading all this crap.
01:20Then don't believe it, Mr. U.S. News and World Report.
01:29Our alien is addicted to clap magazines.
01:32That sounds almost like a drum line from the Voloblad.
01:36Be glad that he likes at least something.
01:39That puts him at ease and occupies him for at least thirty minutes.
01:42Ouch!
01:44Thirty seconds, at least.
01:50It's become ominous.
02:50What happened?
03:04He is powerless.
03:05Oh, please.
03:08Not even more stately women.
03:11What was wrong, Alf?
03:16It just knocked me out, Willy.
03:18Read the clapperboard on page two.
03:22There is a doppelganger of Michael Jackson.
03:28Wow!
03:30Not that.
03:31Please read the clapperboard next to it.
03:34Husband in Bastau lives with an alien.
03:37That's what I mean.
03:39Alf, that's ridiculous.
03:42Nonsense.
03:43You can find an article like this in almost every issue.
03:47But this one is really different.
03:49Read on.
03:51The alien is described as small and hairy,
03:55with big ears and a long trunk.
03:58That sounds like Alf.
04:00Read on.
04:03This creature has a special preference for cats
04:07and mainly eats frozen yogurt and blueberries.
04:12And you know what?
04:13That's my cousin Blinky.
04:15Your cousin's name is Blinky?
04:17We named him that because he ate blueberries all the time.
04:21Alf, your cousin Blinky certainly doesn't live in Bastau.
04:26Why do you say that so easily?
04:28First of all, he stands right next to John Collins' make-up tips.
04:34Let's try to look at it realistically.
04:37Think about how improbable,
04:40how impossible it is that an alien from space
04:43simply lives with someone in a family...
04:50I'll leave the car behind.
04:52Wait.
04:54Wait.
04:55Give me the newspaper.
04:57I'll call the people and clarify the matter immediately.
05:02Hello, am I really connected to the Sassler residence?
05:06I'm so excited, I could throw up.
05:10What?
05:11That's just a way of talking.
05:14Are you the couple from the report in the National Inquisitor?
05:18Oh, stop this nonsense and let me talk to you.
05:22You didn't really take in a creature from space, did you?
05:28And it eats blueberries.
05:32Not stronger than 75 watts.
05:34I understand.
05:36Give me the newspaper.
05:38Would you say your alien is a bit...
05:41obsessive?
05:46Oh, really?
05:47Well, thank you very much.
05:49Thank you very much, that was very attentive.
05:53Bastau.
05:55No.
06:00Bastau, that means at least three hours of driving.
06:03But we, we are cousins.
06:05But you can't...
06:07That's not so easy.
06:10You know, we fit together like a couple of booklets.
06:13I'll get the car keys.
06:14Bastau, we're on our way.
06:24Willi, do you think I look good?
06:26You look good, Alf.
06:28You look just as good as all the 29 times you asked me.
06:34I just want to make a good impression.
06:37I'm very unhappy with the new cream shampoo.
06:40It ruins my skin.
06:43I'm trying to see all this very positively, you know?
06:46But I don't want you to...
06:49to experience a disappointment.
06:53What is that?
06:55A deo-spray.
06:57I sweat when I'm nervous.
07:00Please put it away, it stinks.
07:02Very disgusting.
07:04Good.
07:06Then I'll just take some Cologne water instead.
07:11Or smell it, Willi, how is it?
07:19What is that?
07:21Asbestos solution.
07:28Is it too much for you?
07:38As I said, I know it's very important to you.
07:43That's why we're going all the way to Bastau.
07:46I know what you want to tell me.
07:48Really?
07:49Of course.
07:50And I'm very grateful for your offer.
07:53And I know that Blinky will be just as good in the tennis household as I did.
08:07That should be it.
08:09So, see you later.
08:11No, no, wait, wait.
08:13Think of our plan.
08:15I'll go alone and investigate the case.
08:18That was your plan.
08:20You mustn't risk anything.
08:22Let caution be our motto.
08:25Let caution be our motto.
08:28You stay in the car.
08:30And head down.
08:37I knew I would still pee.
08:40Good evening.
08:42Good evening.
08:44My name is Willi Tenner.
08:46I called this morning because of this report about the aliens.
08:50This way, please.
08:52Thank you.
08:58Please excuse the mess.
09:00It's very important to me.
09:02It's very important to me.
09:04It's very important to me.
09:07Please excuse the mess.
09:09It's very important to me.
09:11It's very important to me.
09:13It's very important to me.
09:14We had a rare sightseeing tour.
09:17Our life is about the wandering of the unknown.
09:21The gathering of the bizarre.
09:23And the evaluation of the strangest growth of nature.
09:27How fascinating.
09:29It's about life.
09:32This is Billy the Kid's mummified moustache.
09:37What's that pink thing under there?
09:40Billy's lip.
09:44And where is the alien?
09:46Oh no, not just one.
09:48Ah, that's my dear husband, Nick.
09:51Goodbye, Nick.
09:53It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Sassler.
09:56I am Willi Tenner.
09:58The name speaks for itself, Sussler.
10:00No, you're right. It's Sassler.
10:03I should know how to pronounce my own name.
10:06You shouldn't do that now.
10:08Don't argue with me, Betty.
10:10Well, you're wasting your time.
10:12There is no alien here.
10:14What Nick wants to say is that the alien is not here at the moment.
10:19That's exactly what I didn't want to say.
10:21There is no alien here at all.
10:23At the moment.
10:26Does that mean you don't have an alien?
10:30Yes, we don't have one.
10:32I can prove that he is here, because I have a photo of him.
10:37Would you like to see it?
10:39Yes.
10:41How much?
10:42Very much.
10:43No, no. I mean, how much is it worth to you?
10:46I don't want to buy it. I just want to see it.
10:48And how much is it worth to you?
10:50Save your money.
10:56I think I'll leave now.
10:58Oh, wait.
10:59For ten dollars, I'll let you have a look at it.
11:11Okay, good.
11:13Don't stare at it. Just a quick look.
11:16Do you know, it has an astonishing resemblance to a German shepherd dog with a kind of antenna on its head.
11:29Really astonishing.
11:31Who would come up with the stupid idea of putting an antenna on a shepherd dog?
11:37The same one that would stick a horn on a goat.
11:40It wasn't a goat, it was a unicorn.
11:43Its horn had loosened.
11:48Thank you very much.
11:50I thank you for your effort and for giving me an insight into your world.
11:55Those ten dollars were really worth it.
11:58Wait.
11:59For another ten dollars, you could see a picture of his spaceship.
12:03Maybe another time.
12:05What a pity.
12:06It looks like a wheel cap with stickers.
12:10I warned you, Nick.
12:13Goodbye.
12:17Oh, excuse me.
12:18May I come in?
12:22Can I tell you something?
12:23What?
12:24I don't want to live with this nonsense any longer.
12:27Oh, what you always have.
12:28I just took ten quick mosquitoes off that thing.
12:32So?
12:33We need three more people for glue.
12:38So, Alf...
12:39Alf?
12:44Alf!
12:54In all my years as a monstrosity actress,
12:58I've never seen anything like you.
13:01On my part.
13:04Maybe.
13:05Except for Jojo, the animal-human.
13:08Betty, this thing doesn't look like Jojo.
13:12It's nothing human.
13:13Thank you very much.
13:15No, we thank you.
13:18You are exactly what we were looking for
13:20to go on tour again with our show.
13:23Show?
13:24What kind of show?
13:26Betty, your days as a pause-filler are over.
13:29You shouldn't have a beard again.
13:31That won't be necessary at all.
13:33From now on, we have a star attraction.
13:36Oh, I'm getting a headache again.
13:39Well, then go and have a drink.
13:45Listen, I appreciate your offer,
13:47but I came here to see Blinky.
13:49Blinky?
13:50Who's Blinky?
13:52I know he's here.
13:53So where is he?
13:54Please get me Blinky.
13:56Of course I'll get you Blinky.
13:58You get so much Blinky every day.
14:00As much as you want.
14:02I'm sure you'll feel very comfortable with us.
14:05What?
14:08I'll tell him who it is.
14:13Oh, excuse me if I disturb you again.
14:15Get out of here.
14:16Yes, I will. I promise.
14:18I'm just looking for something I lost.
14:20No decorations.
14:21I don't want to have any decorations.
14:23I just want to see.
14:24May I come in?
14:25I told you to get out.
14:26We're closed.
14:27Come back in the spring.
14:29Then we'll be back on tour.
14:32BELL RINGS
14:34I'm sorry, but I have to...
14:39Great piece.
14:42I don't like to use it.
14:45You should stay with it.
14:58Was that Willy?
15:00No, no, no.
15:01It was someone else.
15:03Why don't you sit down?
15:05Make yourself comfortable.
15:23Hello?
15:24Kate, it's me.
15:25Oh, Willy, I was worried.
15:27Is everything okay?
15:28Not quite.
15:29What do you mean?
15:31Do you really have an alien?
15:33Yes, I do.
15:36Did something happen?
15:37Yes, they have Alf.
15:38And they won't let him go?
15:39I'll go back and try again.
15:41But it'll take a while.
15:43Then call me back.
15:45I can't.
15:46I spent all my money on a photo.
15:48A photo?
15:50What photo?
15:52What one?
15:53A German shepherd dog.
15:55With an antenna.
15:56Antenna?
15:57Who has an antenna?
15:59The last coin went through, Kate.
16:01I'll try again.
16:03I love you.
16:05Yes, I love you too.
16:07Who has an antenna?
16:09I think the German shepherd dog in the barstool.
16:21No wonder Blinky didn't stay here.
16:24He treats all your guests like me.
16:27What do you think of the following announcement?
16:30Bobo, the amazing shepherd dog.
16:33Hear it, speak it.
16:35Betty, come to bed.
16:37Yes, yes, in a minute.
16:39Oh, we'll make a lot of money with you.
16:43How about Dodo, the hairy parrot?
16:48How about you tell me why I'm tied up?
16:50So she can stick an antenna on you.
16:54Shh, not in the presence of the W.E.S.E.N.
16:58Wessenden?
17:01I'm going to bed. Are you coming or not?
17:03Yes, yes.
17:05Good night, my little golden mink.
17:10Night, you Wessenden.
17:25Hey, leave me alone!
17:29That was good.
17:35That was very good.
17:41You're crazy.
17:43Willie!
17:44Leave me alone!
17:46Sorry, the W.E.S.E.N. are tearing my fur.
17:51What did you do to me, Alf?
17:55Nothing, I'm fine.
17:56But I wonder what you did to Blinky.
17:58Blinky?
17:59I'll show you.
18:03That's extraterrestrial.
18:06Looks like a shepherd dog with deer antlers.
18:11We'll be out soon.
18:16Or not.
18:18Uh-oh, that's the master of the house.
18:21Stand still.
18:23Please.
18:24No movement.
18:27No, you're going to stand still and not move.
18:30Do you know what that is?
18:32Either a talking deer antler or a bearded parrot.
18:35Betty hasn't decided yet.
18:38That's a creature that has unimaginable powers.
18:42Powers?
18:44Yes, powers.
18:45You already know your unimaginable powers.
18:50The powers that we all find so...
18:53...unimaginable.
18:55The powers that you don't like to use,
18:57unless we're in trouble and there's no other way out.
19:01Oh, these powers.
19:07You know that I don't like to use these powers, Willie.
19:11I'm afraid you have to.
19:14So?
19:15Very well.
19:25You'd better hurry up.
19:28In ten seconds you'll be...
19:32...you'll be...
19:34...flat as a pancake.
19:41Ten.
19:42Nine.
19:43Eight.
19:44Seven.
19:45Six.
19:46Five.
19:47Four.
19:48Three.
19:49Two.
19:50One.
19:51Two.
19:52Three.
19:53Four.
19:54Forget it.
19:55It doesn't work like that.
19:58What do you want from us?
20:01Come on, get out of here.
20:03I don't want to talk to you anymore.
20:06I don't want to talk to you anymore.
20:09Come on, get out of here.
20:12You mean you'll let us go?
20:14Yeah, yeah, yeah, get out.
20:16That's really nice of you.
20:18What do you mean nice?
20:19I just don't want to go on tour again with such a far-fetched monstrosity brigade.
20:23I long for a nice, quiet evening with my crazy wife.
20:28I'm really very grateful to you.
20:31Yes, me too.
20:33Nick, what's going on out there?
20:36Hey, how did you get in here?
20:39And what are you doing with my parrot?
20:42Stay away, honey.
20:44This creature has unimaginable powers.
20:46If we don't leave it alone, it'll crush me like a two-headed elephant on a nut.
20:50What kind of parrot has such powers?
20:55Alf.
20:59Don't do that.
21:00You should disappear.
21:03Hey, stick an antenna on yourself.
21:17Alf.
21:21Alf.
21:23Yes.
21:25I'm sorry everything was a blur.
21:28Me too.
21:31But at least you're saved.
21:35Saved and alone.
21:37In a way.
21:41Everyone feels alone in certain situations in their life.
21:45Feeling alone and being alone.
21:48Those are two different things.
21:52I don't know what I could possibly tell you.
21:58I really believed in it, Willy.
22:00I really thought I could meet someone of my people here.
22:05Why not? It can happen one day.
22:08A few years later.
22:25Willy!
22:26Willy, follow that car!
22:28Which car?
22:29The one that just overtook us.
22:31Get it!
22:32Alf, nobody has overtaken us on this road.
22:35Not for ages.
22:36But I just saw it.
22:38And Blinky was sitting in it.
22:41That's not true.
22:42You must have been dreaming.
22:44Dreaming?
22:46Now think about it.
22:48What chance does it have that a creature from space
22:51in a car on this road and at this time...
22:55I mean, what chance does it have that two creatures from space
22:59in two cars are driving along this road and...
23:03I think you should take over the tax for a while.