ALF - 085. Bruder Neal
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00:00uh-huh
01:00But I can't understand why she waited so long for it.
01:04Stop it.
01:05You have to stop torturing yourself with it.
01:08It's time to make a decision.
01:10You'll see, if you take things into your own hands,
01:12then you can pack your life into a sledgehammer and push it towards you.
01:17What wisdom.
01:19Many people let their dog castrate, Neil.
01:21That doesn't mean that Marke meant you with it.
01:25It could have been much worse for him if she had stayed.
01:28Ha ha ha!
01:58Ha ha ha!
02:28Ha ha ha!
02:59I'll go.
03:01If it's Uncle Neil, let me know, I'll be there.
03:04Dad, you don't want me to lie, do you?
03:08That's not a lie, that's...
03:10something related.
03:12That's how it started with Lissy Borden.
03:15First she lied to her parents and then she cut her into pieces.
03:19Probably looked like this.
03:22Like something related.
03:24The bill, please.
03:27One moment.
03:29Don't worry, Dad, it's for me.
03:31I'll go to the other room.
03:33Actually strange.
03:34We haven't heard from your brother for days.
03:36Maybe he took my advice to heart
03:39and gives his new life a little drive.
03:42Poor guy.
03:43He invested ten years in a single person
03:46and now it's over.
03:48Well, at least he has his door in business.
03:50That distracts him.
03:52That's what I call the real tenor's lust for life philosophy.
04:06Good morning, Alf.
04:08Did Dad allow the Ogmonics to put their camper in our driveway?
04:12That wouldn't happen if we didn't live in an area
04:15that I would like to call a social glassware area.
04:20Who could that be at this hour?
04:22A social glassware appearance.
04:27It can't be that at seven o'clock in the morning
04:30someone is knocking on our door.
04:32That's Neil.
04:34Neil, surprise!
04:39You could say that.
04:41Nice to have you here.
04:42Come in, come in.
04:43I hope I'm not disturbing you too early.
04:45Oh, but no, I'm glad to see you again.
04:48Hi, Neil.
04:49Oh, Lilly.
04:51Why didn't you tell us you were coming?
04:53Quite simply, because the new Neil Tenner is spontaneous and impulsive.
04:58Oh, yes, that's my new camper. Great, isn't it?
05:02That's yours?
05:03Yes, a gem.
05:05Then those are your boxer shorts on the antenna?
05:08Looks like you're a big Batman fan.
05:11Unfortunately, I lost my leash on the way.
05:14I didn't even know you were a camping fan.
05:17Well, I'm not really into it.
05:19The whole thing was actually an idea of yours.
05:22Don't you remember?
05:24Did I tell you you should go camping?
05:27No, but you said I should pack my life in my boxers
05:30and make do with it, didn't you?
05:32You could have put it in a few words.
05:35Well, what do you say?
05:37I'm listening to you.
05:38It became clear to me that I live in this tiny little hole.
05:41And after Margaret ran away,
05:44the hole became even tinier and meaner.
05:47So I took things into my own hands.
05:49First I quit my job and then my apartment.
05:52Then I paid for my car for the camper.
05:55And, well, there I am.
05:57A new person.
06:01I didn't tell you that.
06:03Well, maybe not with too many words,
06:06but I heard it.
06:08Oh.
06:38You're a great advisor.
06:40What happens when you pack your life in your boxers?
06:43It loses a few pieces and you get rid of them.
07:09Oh, thank you.
07:14No, no, no.
07:21I'm so glad you're here.
07:24We haven't seen each other for a long time.
07:26You know what they say.
07:28Families only come together at weddings and funerals.
07:31But divorces are part of it, too.
07:34It's kind of weird.
07:37You get it, don't you?
07:39Yes, I do.
07:40I know you can do it.
07:42You're an absolute master at making beds.
07:45Shall I make yours, too?
07:47No, no, thank you.
07:49Kate is already asleep.
07:50I can do it around her without disturbing her.
07:52I learned that from Margaret.
07:55Do you mean to say that your Margaret didn't have to get up
07:58when you made her bed?
08:01Why should we both get up?
08:04But what? It's all behind me.
08:07Now that I've finally packed my life in my boxers.
08:10Thanks to your advice.
08:13Well, I'd like to say
08:17what I really meant.
08:19That was, I think, that was
08:22sit down, think about it,
08:25don't make hasty decisions
08:27and, above all,
08:29don't mess up your whole life
08:32or your camper in the wrong direction.
08:34Are you afraid that I'll fall into your trap?
08:36No, oh, Neil.
08:39I'm just wondering if you've really thought about it.
08:42What are you doing without a job?
08:44You like to sell doors and you deserve it.
08:46Yes, I do.
08:48But I don't think we should necessarily
08:50do just one thing.
08:52I think it's time to take a little risk.
08:54I've been thinking about getting into the sunroof.
08:56What do you think?
08:58Do you know anyone in the industry?
09:00No, I'm not afraid.
09:03Well, it's damn hard to get in without a relationship.
09:07Oh, come on.
09:09It wasn't that easy with the doors either.
09:11Certainly not.
09:12And I'll tell you something else.
09:14I can do it on my own.
09:15There's a brand new Neil Tanner in front of you.
09:17I'm strong, I'm invincible.
09:20Don't you happen to know a nice woman for me?
09:22Just a little bit.
09:25Yes.
09:30Yes.
09:36Did you eat all of that?
09:39No, I wanted it in the bake for the winter hamster.
09:43There's still enough left, Brian.
09:44What do you want the third one for?
09:46Something for everyone.
09:48Where did you learn to cook so well?
09:50Well, breakfast was Margaret's favorite afternoon meal.
09:55Except on weekends, when she really fell asleep.
09:59Oh, you know, sometimes I wonder where she got the strength to leave me.
10:04Good morning.
10:05Morning, Willie.
10:06What do you want for breakfast?
10:08Eggs, sausages, cinnamon rolls, waffles?
10:10Oh, a couple of eggs and toast.
10:13That's enough for me.
10:14Okay, how would you like them?
10:15Stirred eggs, fried, cooked, fried eggs?
10:18Oh, cooked.
10:20One minute, two minutes, three minutes?
10:24I'll be surprised.
10:25It'll be served in a minute.
10:29You know who isn't very happy about you know what.
10:34Good, then we'll just say, you know whom, you know where to go.
10:40He told me he'd made a voodoo doll out of you.
10:56Nice idea.
11:00Subtle, and it hits the spot.
11:03I understand your feelings, Alf, even if you have no reason to feel like a ghost.
11:08What I don't understand, however, is this note.
11:12It's your language, what don't you understand?
11:16Dear Neil, take advice from someone who loves you like a brother.
11:21Leave this city by noon.
11:23Either you sit inside or you lie down.
11:25Greetings, Anonymous.
11:27I love it when you read to me.
11:31You put it on the kitchen table.
11:33Neil should find it and think it's mine, right?
11:36Let him draw his own conclusions.
11:38I didn't write that it was his brother's.
11:41Clever, was it?
11:42Clever? No.
11:44Insensitive, yes.
11:46Lowly, absolutely.
11:48Fortunately, Neil didn't find it.
11:53If my brother wants to visit me for a while, he's welcome, Alf.
11:58Good.
11:59But if you were a little more energetic and less sympathetic with such Nassauers,
12:03he might understand this thing.
12:06Our conversation is over.
12:08But maybe it would be good if you thought about
12:11what toughness against Nassauers would mean for another member of our household.
12:19He's right.
12:20That way, Kate would be long gone from the window.
12:25We love cinema.
12:27Tele5, the video game channel.
12:38What did your conversation with Alf bring?
12:40What did your conversation with Alf ever bring?
12:43I'll get you your stomach pills.
12:45Thank you.
12:47Thank you.
12:51Alf has to accept the fact that Neil will stay here for a while.
12:57To avoid misunderstandings, how do you define a while?
13:02Don't start with that.
13:04He's my little brother and he needs me at the moment.
13:08I really like Neil, you know that.
13:11But he's always hidden behind you in front of reality.
13:14That's not true.
13:16You even proposed to him.
13:20Neil is shy and he was wearing a belt.
13:23What should I do?
13:25He's too close to you to be objective.
13:28I'm objective.
13:29No, you're not, my dear.
13:31I don't have to be. He's my brother.
13:34I just want to say one thing.
13:36If Neil isn't serious about bringing order into his life
13:39and leaving Margaret behind, we can't help him either.
13:42And if he still cooks so well for us.
13:45What do you suggest?
13:47Look, he has to learn to defend himself.
13:50Maybe he just needs a little push.
13:52And the whole situation isn't fair to Alf either.
13:56If you speak of the devil...
13:58What's up, Alf?
14:02Willy?
14:04Neil?
14:05I don't like to disturb you so late.
14:07Hi, Kate.
14:08Hi, Neil.
14:09Who's Alf?
14:13Alf?
14:15Willy spoke to me. He calls me Alf.
14:19I'm his little Alf.
14:22Oh, that's cute.
14:24You know, I always called Margaret my little taco chicken.
14:28That was her favorite dish.
14:31That and everything else about beef.
14:35Neil, can we do something for you?
14:38Oh, uh, TP.
14:41TP?
14:42What?
14:43Toilet paper.
14:45I ran out of it. I've already used up all the plates.
14:50I'll get you some.
14:52Thank you, Alf.
15:06Yeah, you know, whoever eats fast can eat more.
15:09Yeah, that's good for the mood and the appetite.
15:12I know.
15:16Morning, Dad.
15:17Morning, Lynn, Brian, Alf.
15:20Alf?
15:21What are you doing down here?
15:23I'm cleaning oats with shells.
15:26Go upstairs right now. Neil could burst in at any moment.
15:29I don't think so. He's gone.
15:31Gone?
15:32What do you mean, he's gone?
15:34Stay calm. That doesn't mean he's dead.
15:37I saw his boxer shorts pass by my window.
15:43Alf?
15:45Kate, Neil left with his camper this morning.
15:48That's strange.
15:50Well, then I'll go to the TV first, if no one has anything against it.
15:56Stay here. Someone has something against it.
16:01What do you know about it?
16:03About what?
16:04I want you to look me in the eye and tell me if you've written something again.
16:09I haven't written anything.
16:16You shouldn't look at my ears.
16:20That's inevitable.
16:23I told you, you don't care, did I?
16:25Didn't I tell you to stay out of it?
16:30Apparently not clear enough.
16:33What exactly did you write to him this time, Alf?
16:36I only remember vaguely and give it back very freely.
16:40Scratch the curve, don't overdo our patience.
16:44Oh yes, and zigzag.
16:46Highly respectful.
16:47William Tanner.
16:49Signed with my name?
16:51The last time you were angry because I signed with Anonymous.
16:55Can't you do anything right?
17:03So what do you call a non-Jewish alien from the Mellmark mountains?
17:10It's quite simple, an Allgäu.
17:13An Allgäu.
17:19I'm laughing my head off.
17:21I'd like to help you with that.
17:23What did I do so terrible?
17:26You hurt Uncle Nils' feelings and expelled him.
17:29You hurt Uncle Nils' feelings and expelled him.
17:31Before he finished dinner.
17:34You gave my brother the feeling he wouldn't be welcome in our house.
17:38You gave me that feeling in my house too.
17:42Nils was my brother for a long time.
17:44I didn't even think that you would ever be my...
17:47What is he anyway?
17:49Don't ask me.
17:53Alf, off to the kitchen.
17:56Alf, off to the kitchen, why?
17:58Alf, off to the kitchen.
18:01Right away.
18:03Please, just express yourself clearly.
18:10Nils, come in.
18:12I'm glad you came back.
18:15We're so sorry you left.
18:19Give me your jacket.
18:20Are you hungry? Mummy has...
18:22What was that?
18:24Food.
18:26Anyway, there's still a lot of it.
18:28Will you cook something nice for us again tomorrow?
18:31What a reception.
18:34If I didn't know better, I could feel you thought I was gone forever.
18:37Yes, that was probably the case.
18:40Listen, because of this news...
18:43Come on, Willy.
18:45I saw through the old trick right away.
18:48Trick?
18:49Has your dad ever told you the Marshall-Ludwig story?
18:53No, we don't know it.
18:55When your dad and I were little,
18:58Marshall-Ludwig was the most unpleasant guy at school.
19:01He was the only one in fourth grade who tattooed
19:03I love hate on his fingers.
19:05That's no joke.
19:06And for some reason, I was his favorite victim.
19:10Oh, what a surprise.
19:13One day, this Marshall followed me home
19:16and threatened me that the next day, during the break,
19:19he would threaten me so much that I could carry my head around in a bread box.
19:23And my big brother said something to me,
19:26which seemed very plausible to me.
19:29He said,
19:30Neil, do you know why Marshall is after you?
19:32Because you're a weakling.
19:34Huh.
19:35Even as a kid, they were both so gloomy.
19:39When I saw this assailant the next time,
19:41I kicked him in the face and said,
19:42You want to stuff my head in a bread box?
19:44So go ahead, try it.
19:45I will not behave like a weakling.
19:48I know that from some book.
19:51I knew right away that Willie had only written the note this morning
19:54so that I would get angry and suppress my self-pity.
19:58So that I would spend the rest of my life in bed,
20:00and that I would be justified.
20:02Neil.
20:04Yes?
20:05Don't say that sentence again.
20:07Never again.
20:08He's incredibly stupid,
20:10and I regret the moment I said it.
20:12Just as you think.
20:14You shouldn't say that again either.
20:17Where have you been all day?
20:18We were worried.
20:20Well, I sold the camper
20:23and rented an apartment with the money,
20:25not far from here.
20:27Then I applied for a job
20:29and then I called Margaret
20:32and immediately called her again when she called.
20:35So that means you'll stay with us?
20:37Just as you...
20:39It seems so.
20:44I hereby transfer you to the name Uncle Neil.
20:50Uncle Neil
20:56Dear weakling,
20:59I know where you live
21:01and I have the bread box with your name on it.
21:04I'm out and on my way to you again
21:06because of a legal error.
21:09Oh dear.
21:12Get out of the city
21:14in old enmity, Marshal Ludwig.
21:18There, there.
21:21Alf?
21:23Willy!
21:25Give it to me.
21:27Oh, my shopping list?
21:30How many times do I have to tell you?
21:32Neil, wait! I'll hold the door for you.
21:34Alf, get on the floor!
21:36Yes, yes, get on the floor!
21:38Get on the floor!
21:42Hi, honey.
21:43Hi.
21:44Hi.
21:45Neil, you're handling the little one fabulously.
21:47I have to tell you that.
21:48I'm glad, but...
21:49I've never seen the little one speak so much.
21:52Yes, thank you for the message.
22:02Hello?
22:03Marshal Ludwig?
22:05Oh, hi, Marshal.
22:07You don't know me, but...
22:10I intend to make you a very happy person.