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00:30And there are your best nightmares.
00:33Skim, skim, skim, skim.
00:35Wait a minute! Can we speak in English for a change?
00:39Okay, okay.
00:40Yeah, here we go.
00:42We'll do this democratically to see who drives.
00:45Heads, you win.
00:47Tails, you lose.
00:55Make that the best two out of three.
01:01Green, black, blue.
01:03Green, black, blue.
01:05All right, we know how to do it.
01:07Let's do it.
01:08Hey, come back here.
01:09I've never seen one.
01:10Hey, come on.
01:11That's no fair.
01:20All systems, this is Central Core.
01:23Arrive to planet Earth.
01:30We have reached the next world to be conquered.
01:39The 351st planet to kneel before our great power, the planet Earth.
01:46Okay, who wants to invade this turkey?
01:52Come on, what are you, aliens or sheep?
01:55It's just that we're bored.
01:59Bored?
02:00An opportunity to see thousands of people flee in terror is boring?
02:05Yawn.
02:06Okay, okay, let's be fair.
02:09Space cadet Quark will go.
02:13That's why I'm the leader.
02:18Be mean, be tough.
02:19Take no prisoners.
02:20Make us proud to call you alien.
02:23I packed meteor muffins in case you get hungry.
02:25Here are the keys to the flying saucer.
02:26Put a dent in it and you're space dust.
02:28Any questions?
02:30Laugh.
02:31Good.
02:44I hate graveyards.
02:45I have to work all night while I awake all day.
02:50This will help you stay.
02:51Not now, I'm driving.
02:56Stop!
03:01Bunkers?
03:02Yeah, boss?
03:03Don't help me.
03:07I'm stuck!
03:11Oh, please, help me!
03:13I'll call the cops.
03:16Oh, I forgot we are the cops.
03:18I think the uniform gave it away.
03:21Quick, that thief's getting away!
03:26Police!
03:36I know what you're thinking, but I always carry a spare.
03:38Move, lackey!
03:39I'm going for a strike!
03:41What?
03:53Sorry, boss.
03:54I usually bar 200.
03:58Should have tried the bomb squad.
04:00That would have been safer.
04:04Oh, man.
04:11Bunkers, what are you doing?
04:12It's...
04:13We have to put out an APB.
04:15Maybe sometime before the thief gets the calories.
04:18No, no, no.
04:19You gotta tell me something.
04:21What are you getting at?
04:22We split it up.
04:23That's right, that's right.
04:27Swell.
04:28Another tuned publicity stunt messing up a police investigation.
04:31They're here.
04:32Them.
04:33And they've chosen us.
04:34You and me, lackey.
04:35The first representatives of the human race to contact alien life forms.
04:39It's exciting.
04:40It's hysterical.
04:41It's your brain.
04:42It's shorted out.
04:43Look at that thing.
04:44It's some tuned thingamadoodle.
04:53If that's not a tune, I'm a meatloaf.
04:57I guess you're right, boss.
04:59Boss?
05:02Computer, define boss.
05:05Boss.
05:06Chief.
05:07Head.
05:08Foreman.
05:09Overseer.
05:10Leader.
05:13Take me to your leader.
05:16That was great.
05:17You really good.
05:18I am your conqueror.
05:20I am your fan.
05:22You tell me.
05:23Come on.
05:24I gotta show you to the boss man.
05:25Come on, come on.
05:27So right before the movie ends, bang, the screen goes blank.
05:30The thief knocked out the projectionist and stole the last reel of the film.
05:33And nobody saw the thief?
05:35No, sir.
05:36I ran after him, but I never got a good look.
05:38And he's got the ending to The Terminator Saves Christmas.
05:41Oh, boy, that was a good one, too.
05:44Thank you.
05:45We'll be in touch.
05:47Wait till you see this guy's act, boss.
05:49He's a riot.
05:51Surrender your planet, Earthling.
05:56Toons.
05:59I love this guy.
06:02So, who's your agent, boobie?
06:04Agent?
06:06I have no agent, boobie.
06:07What?
06:08I just got here.
06:10Oh, you're new in town.
06:11Oh, well, that's different.
06:13You're gonna need contacts.
06:14Get to know all the ink spots for lunch.
06:16And I know just the toons to teach you.
06:20The dangerous leading the blind.
06:24No, no, no, no, no, Quirkmeister.
06:26Toons gotta react with style, with flair.
06:29Think exaggeration, think big.
06:30Now, try it again. Go ahead.
06:33Yikes.
06:36No, bigger.
06:38What is the purpose of this exercise?
06:41To get you work.
06:42You're gonna need a side guard, right?
06:44I already have a job.
06:46Conquer the planet Earth.
06:48And I don't need a card.
06:49I have a proton gun.
06:51Fine.
06:52Look, your act is really good and everything,
06:54but you gotta refine it.
06:55Add gags, make yourself versatile.
06:57Look, let me show you.
07:16Hmm.
07:21You're from around here, are you?
07:23I'm overwhelmed by your level of observation.
07:26Yeah, we're smart observators, all right.
07:29Welcome to Earth.
07:30Home of the brave.
07:31Land of the free.
07:32Birthplace of the quick black.
07:34Can I take a picture for the national intruder?
07:46Okay, fine, Mr. Testy.
07:48All you have to do is say you were camera shy.
07:50It's not that.
07:52It's just that my powers, well, they wear off after a while.
07:58Take me to your boss man.
08:00Lucky?
08:01But why?
08:03He will surrender your planet.
08:09Come on, don't be shy.
08:12Do I have to wear this?
08:14We've gotta disguise you in public, Quark.
08:16You never know when the Air Force might be driving by.
08:18But I feel ridiculous.
08:20Come on, that's a designer hat.
08:23Bucky!
08:24Wow, who's your friend in the ugly hat?
08:26I didn't say which designer.
08:28Come on in, guys.
08:29You're just in time for breakfast.
08:32Breakfast?
08:35Breakfast?
08:41Look, mom.
08:42Bucky came for breakfast and he brought a friend.
08:44Can they join us, huh?
08:45Can they, huh, huh?
08:46Any friend of Bonka's is a friend of ours.
08:49Thanks, Mrs. B.
08:58Is this edible?
09:00Of course not. It's breakfast. Eat up.
09:04Wee!
09:12We invade Earth after breakfast.
09:26I'm Marilyn. Nice to meet you.
09:29Nice to meet you.
09:32Where's Lucky, Mrs. P?
09:34Oh, he couldn't sleep again.
09:36Said something about going after the movie thief.
09:39And so?
09:41Ah, by so am I.
09:43Not.
09:44Sorry to devour and run, Mrs. P.
09:46But we have to devour and run.
09:49Oh.
10:01Listen. You've got to listen.
10:03You've just got to believe me about Quark.
10:05He's not a tomb. He's an alien.
10:07A real alien.
10:09Well, then send him to immigration.
10:11We've got other problems.
10:12No, no, no. Not that kind of alien.
10:14An ET, an extraterrarium.
10:16Two green men from Mars. That kind.
10:18You know.
10:20Yeah, that's cute.
10:23Look, I've been up all night reading about the movie thief's past robberies.
10:26I found a clue.
10:28It seems he only steals happy endings.
10:30For real?
10:36Fine. I'm going undercover.
10:38Keep that tomb.
10:40Whatever. Keep it out of my way.
10:44And the door's coming out of your salary.
10:49I'm a failure.
10:51If I can't even invade a tiny world like Earth,
10:54then what good am I?
10:59You're being invaded!
11:06Figures.
11:13Humans.
11:14They have no respect.
11:20Stop! Police!
11:31Quarklabs! What a coincidence!
11:33You know, you shouldn't walk this neighborhood alone.
11:35It's rough here.
11:36Yeah. Almost as rough as jail.
11:40For interfering in the pursuit of a suspected criminal,
11:43you're under arrest.
11:48Oh, this is terrible.
11:50What kind of way is this to welcome our first visitator from space?
11:53We've insulted him.
11:54Treated him like a common criminal.
11:56Alienated him.
11:57Will you calm down?
11:59We're just keeping your little freaky buddy out of the way so he doesn't get hurt.
12:04Yes, sir.
12:07Right away, sir.
12:10He wants an update on the movie thief case.
12:13And please, don't find any more stray Bigfoot alien white great sharks while I'm gone, will ya?
12:29Hello?
12:33Guard!
12:36What?
12:41What, did I miss a fire drill or something?
12:46Uh-oh.
12:49Quark! You need a bicarbonate?
12:51I know how bad Riverpool can be!
12:56What are you guys doing up there?
13:01You let a little green alien come along and levitate your head up, didn't ya?
13:07I gotta thank Quark before Lucky ends his picture in every post office from here to Pluto.
13:14And don't worry, the levitation thing wears off.
13:20Told ya.
13:23So, the Earthlings have surrendered to you quickly? This is good!
13:27Well, they haven't exactly surrendered.
13:30Acquiesced properly?
13:32Capitulated completely?
13:33Threw in the towel?
13:34Wet.
13:35Threw out the aliens.
13:37You failed?
13:38No, no, I just had a tiny bitty witty itty bitty problem.
13:44With?
13:45Getting them to believe I was from outer space.
13:49I knew it! That's what I get for sending a child to do an alien's work!
13:54Since you're new here, and since your daddy owns 40% stock in the Starfleet, I'm gonna cut you a break!
14:02I'm gonna show you, all of you, how it's done!
14:06Now, who's your contact on Earth?
14:10So you're not NIFT?
14:12Why should I be NIFT? The tomb alien.
14:16Whatever.
14:17So he skips jail, who cares?
14:19I do.
14:20He was in there on a Mickey Mouse charge anyway.
14:22Mickey was in on this?
14:23Just to keep him out of my way.
14:24My way, I love that song.
14:25And as long as he stays out of my way, I don't care where he is.
14:29Excuse me.
14:30But I care. He was gonna be my new friend.
14:34He was gonna get hurt if he kept showing up everywhere we went.
14:37Not to mention sabotage our case.
14:39I'm gonna check out a hunch at the Happy Endings film studio.
15:01There.
15:06Hiya, Tillies. Hi, Tendon. Had a good day?
15:09Great.
15:10Terrific.
15:11Laid on the floor all day.
15:12And he's a neighborhood cat.
15:20And how are you, Mr. Showerhead?
15:22I'm great. Mildew's gone, pipes are clear. Hop in.
15:28The water's just fine.
15:31Any requests tonight?
15:33Oh, McDonald's.
15:34A classic. You bet.
15:41McDonald's had a farm.
15:46And on this farm he had an alien.
15:52If I had ears, I'd have to put my finger twists in them.
15:55What should we do with him?
15:56Let's put him in a jar and bio-scan him.
15:58No, let's extract his precious bodily fluids and see if there's any intelligence.
16:01Oh, no, you do that.
16:02You do that.
16:03No, you do that.
16:04No, you can't. He's my friend.
16:08Oh, McDonald's had a farm.
16:12E-I-E-I-O.
16:19We have seen enough. There's no other answer.
16:22We have to blow up their planet.
16:39I'm sorry, Bunkers. There's no other choice.
16:42This is a proton splitter and matter neutralizer.
16:46Once activated, this device will destroy your planet.
16:49Oh, well, that's different.
16:51Hey, hold the phone.
16:53You're not going to destroy the Earth from my house.
16:55My commander thinks your world is full of people too strange to conquer.
17:00But he only met me.
17:03Okay, so maybe I see a point.
17:05But why blow up the whole planet?
17:07If the planet is unconquerable, then it is to be destroyed.
17:11It's the rule.
17:12Oh, real schmoes. Let me see that.
17:16It is to be destroyed. Okay, well, you got a point.
17:19I'm sorry it has to come to this, Bunkers boobie.
17:22I like you and your friends, even the boss man.
17:25That's it?
17:26What's it?
17:27The boss. What if your buddies met somebody else other than me?
17:31Somebody who wasn't so strange?
17:33Whatever could he mean?
17:35Oh, it might work.
17:37It will work. Let's go.
17:41If that thief wants happy endings, this is the place we'll come looking for him.
17:49Oh.
17:54Okay, Lucky, this is it. Big chance promotion time.
17:57Lieutenant's badge is in your grisp.
18:04Sleeping Beauty.
18:06Don't you just hate fairy tales?
18:09Perfect. A toon.
18:11Wrong. An actress.
18:13Okay, Meryl Streep, you're under arrest.
18:17You're a frog.
18:20Sorry, I'm not in a fly-catching mood today.
18:23Brats. I forgot this thing doesn't work in real life.
18:26You think I'm afraid of you?
18:42Where am I?
18:44Cinderella's castle, you oaf.
18:47Figures.
18:48Yes, it was here that I lost my chance to be the fairy godmother.
18:52Where I lost my destiny with cinematic immortality.
18:57Don't you think you're being a bit theatrical?
19:00Any last wishes?
19:02How about a parachute?
19:04Pumpkins, glass slivers.
19:07Nope, no parachute here.
19:09Maybe next time.
19:11Oh, but there won't be a next time.
19:14Bibbity-bobbity-boo!
19:21Nice catch.
19:22The cavalry's arrived, Lucky.
19:24What promotion? She's getting away.
19:28That's Crab Nebula.
19:30Who?
19:31Crab Nebula.
19:32Extra 64 in Toon Trivia Pursuit.
19:34The evil fairy godmother who didn't get to part with Sleeping Beauty.
19:37Boy, she must still be holding a grudge.
19:39How's that for quick exposition?
19:41Think you can catch her, Corky?
19:43Are you kidding? I can do warp six in this baby.
19:46What about me?
19:48No!
19:55You are finally under arrest.
20:03Where's Pickle?
20:05Don't be a chief. Had to make a short detour.
20:07Where? Mars?
20:10We can't wait any longer. Fishing season starts at noon.
20:13What about Lucky's commendation?
20:15Sorry, but the early worm gets the fish, and I'm not gonna be late for that.
20:19Oh, Lucky. He's waited so long for this day.
20:22Where could he be?
20:27Okay, Cork, you were right.
20:29Not all Earthlings are wacko,
20:31and any beings who need to sleep this much are entirely harmless.
20:35Can I take him back to Earth?
20:37He's late for his promotion.
20:41Promotion?
20:43You certainly may.
20:45And by the way, don't come back.
20:47You mean I get to stay on the Earth?
20:50Consider it a new assignment, Cadet Cork.
20:54A long-term study of Earthlings, up close and personal like.
20:58It'll make a better tune than an alien.
21:02Oh, thank you.
21:04Lucky, I thought this is the beginning of a few beautiful friendships.