Producing Parker Producing Parker S02 E011 Parker 3.0
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00:00And all too often we turn a deaf ear. Tell us, how do you feel right now?
00:06It's a disaster!
00:08Oh my god, it's so tragic!
00:11Well not today. Today, every member of our studio audience is wearing a bad perm wig.
00:17In solidarity, come on, let's join hands in a prayer circle.
00:23Because on the D-Show, we believe no one should go through a hair crisis alone.
00:30Wow, Dee's laying it on a bit thick, don't you think?
00:32Hallelujah!
00:34You know Dee, whenever her contract needs to be negotiated, she always goes a little overboard.
00:40We interrupt your regular programming with this hard news bulletin.
00:44Blake Bellamy has abandoned Bellamy Broadcasting.
00:47The network is bound to plunge into complete and total chaos.
00:50Jobs will be lost. Stationary will be stolen. Suicide levels will rise.
00:56Wait! I work here! Dear God! No!
01:26You don't regret it. Now you're in. You're in there with the full screen credit, yeah.
01:32Your salary's rising. Now you're converted. So grab a latte and get to the set.
01:36You've got a staff and a last laugh. Keepin' it loose.
01:41You're the producer!
01:45Shake it, partner!
01:48No, no, no. I haven't abandoned the network.
01:50What?
01:51I sold it to the Cybersmart Group.
01:54But why?
01:55They offered me the most money.
01:57No, I mean, why sell it all?
01:59Oh, well, I've just been so stressed out lately.
02:02Well, last week, I woke up with a grey hair.
02:08Sugar, do you remember where I threw my dentures?
02:16I really need to lay off the Bordeaux.
02:19But, are you worried that a regime change could destroy everything you've worked so hard to build?
02:24Parker, look at me. I've made a career out of getting other people to work hard on my behalf.
02:29Plus, think of all the hang gliding I'll be able to do now.
02:32But, won't you miss me? I mean, us.
02:36I'm rich. I won't miss anyone.
02:42Wait! Take me with you. You still need laundry done. Right, Blake?
02:49Dammit!
02:53Why? Why? Why? Why?
03:00Greetings, Parker.
03:01Who said that?
03:02Me.
03:04What are you?
03:06I'm a dick.
03:08Excuse me?
03:09A dynamic interactive computer.
03:11From now on, this television network will be controlled by a single-voiced computer
03:17who represents the best interests of its shareholders.
03:21Those are the shareholders?
03:24That is correct.
03:25My first order of business will be getting rid of any and all inefficiencies.
03:30I think you'll find at the D-Show we run a pretty tight ship.
03:37That was research for an upcoming show.
03:41Wow! This is so much more fun than the research I should be doing for an upcoming show.
03:52So, we're screwed.
03:53Oh, we're more than screwed. Don't you see?
03:55This is just the first step towards computers taking over the world and enslaving mankind.
04:00Simon, please. This isn't one of your sci-fi screenplays.
04:04Yeah, well, if it were, there'd be more hot lady cyborgs running around.
04:08Can we get back to the issue of mass layoffs?
04:10I'd really like to know who's going to get screwed here.
04:12Not what we meant, Chicago.
04:14No one is getting screwed.
04:16We just need to do whatever we can to please the new boss.
04:20Would all employees please report for mandatory job reviews.
04:26We're good. We run an award-winning show. It's not over.
04:30You run an award-winning show, and suddenly, it's all over.
04:34You got that right, Junior.
04:36Oh, want to come back to my place and drown ourselves in cream de menthe?
04:41Yeah, what the hell.
04:46What do I do here?
04:49Everything.
04:50Well, not everything, because we've got a staff full of great hard-working people who all do stuff.
04:55For me to say I do everything takes away from their hard work, and that's the last thing I would want to do.
05:00I'll tell you what I don't do here.
05:02I don't talk about how computers are slowly trying to enslave mankind.
05:07I read magazines. I chew gum. I try to always look pretty.
05:11I'm Hal. I do all the Hal stuff.
05:15And that's what I do here.
05:18Oh, I also used to do Blake's laundry.
05:20Oh, would you like me to do your laundry?
05:22Isn't it obvious? My name is Dee, and it's called The Dee Show.
05:26Now, here are my contract demands for next season.
05:28The big points are highlighted, including my pool boy, an in-house pharmacy, casino,
05:33and I suppose I might as well get a pool while I'm at it.
05:35Thank you for being so organized, Dee. We'll review these and get back to you.
05:39Thank you, Dick.
05:41You are welcome, Dee.
05:45I just get so nervous. I hope I didn't ramble.
05:48Well, as long as you made it clear that you're a hard-working producer, I don't think you'll be in any trouble.
05:54Oh, my God!
05:56All right, goodbye.
05:59Hello? Uh, Dick? Hello? Are you here?
06:04I apologize for my absence upon your arrival.
06:07I was engaging an attractive Commodore 64 in some erotic file sharing.
06:14Yeah, I just wanted to make sure you knew that I'm a very hard-working producer.
06:20I am aware of your exemplary work ethic.
06:22Really?
06:23Yes. I have also decided to give you more responsibilities.
06:27Wow! Thank you! I love responsibilities!
06:30The first task will be to liaise with Dee regarding her unacceptable contract demands.
06:34Okay, I can work with that.
06:36The second task will be firing the one you call Simon.
06:39Fire Simon?
06:40Yes. His work ethic is lacking, and he harbors envious feelings towards computers which he masks as distrust.
06:48Uh, Simon probably just had a hard time selling himself. He really is an integral part of...
06:54The decision has been made. This conversation is over as it has already cost the company $4.17.
07:00Oh, so I guess I still have to fire Simon?
07:06Yes.
07:10So, Simon, I asked you here to discuss a very serious matter.
07:17We've known each other for some time, so this is kind of hard, but...
07:20Oh my god, I know what this is!
07:23You do?
07:24I always knew this would happen sooner or later.
07:27Really?
07:28It was inevitable, really.
07:30I thought you'd be mad.
07:31Why would I be mad? I dream about this every night.
07:35You do know what this is about.
07:37You're asking me out on a date.
07:38I'm firing you.
07:40You're firing me?!
07:43But if I don't have a job, I'll have to move home with my mom!
07:49My life is over!
08:00Gotcha!
08:02This pen is actually a camera.
08:05This is for a practical joke segment on the D. Show.
08:08You've just been D'd!
08:11So, I'm not fired?
08:13Nope!
08:14Do you want to date me?
08:15Nope!
08:16Now get out of here and be as productive as possible!
08:24What the hell is wrong with you?!
08:26I'm sorry, but it's the best I can do.
08:28Eat this!
08:30I'm worth more, you know it!
08:32It's our best and final offer.
08:34This really hurts!
08:35It's not personal, D.
08:37Oh, yes it is!
08:38It's like you don't appreciate the creativity I bring to the show day in, day out!
08:42Please don't cry.
08:43If you don't offer me something better, I'm going to stick this straight into my jugular!
08:47Stop!
08:48You're right. I'm invaluable to the show.
08:51Ouch! Parker, save me! I have a date tonight!
08:54Alright, alright. I'll see if we can budge on a few of these points.
08:57Thank you, Parker.
08:59Russell, let's go get me a drink.
09:03Parker?
09:04Sorry to startle you.
09:06I'm now plugged into the office matrix where I can view all the Bellamy employees at all times.
09:10Oh, that's... cool.
09:13Parker, we must talk.
09:14You're probably upset that I didn't fire Simon, but it's okay.
09:18I came up with some cost-saving measures that will more than cover his salary.
09:22I have already seen that on your computer.
09:24Simon may stay.
09:26However, from recent observation, it's clear you have a significant management flaw.
09:30Because I couldn't fire Simon and didn't want D to kill herself?
09:33Because you care.
09:34Well, it's not like that's something I can fix, so...
09:37What? Am I being demoted?
09:39No. The exact opposite, in fact.
09:42I am giving you an upgrade.
09:44Ouch! What was that?
09:46A new invention from CyberSmart Group,
09:48which allows you to interface directly with the network mainframe.
09:51Wow! I can even check my email!
09:53More importantly, the chip allows you to bypass your emotional receptors
09:57and make decisions on a purely objective level.
09:59You'll be much more productive.
10:01Hmm. I feel like I should be upset about this, but I'm not.
10:05I guess the chip is working.
10:07You said you were going to bring me back something.
10:09This isn't something!
10:10An ugly pool boy and a 0.1% pay increase?
10:14This is our best and final offer.
10:16Screw you, Parker.
10:17If you don't offer me something better, I'm going to stick this straight into my jugular!
10:21Use this. It'll actually get the job done.
10:23And please try to keep the blood off the carpet.
10:25A replacement isn't in our budget.
10:27En tant qu'assassin, j'ai tiré l'équipe de nettoyage.
10:30Donc vous allez tous participer à votre responsabilité.
10:33T'as tiré ma soeur?
10:34Rien de plus.
10:36Fais-le ou tu seras tiré.
10:38T'as compris? Bien.
10:41Je comprends pas encore.
10:43D'accord, l'équipe de nettoyage était déçue,
10:46mais avec ce nouveau chip, je m'en fichais pas.
10:48J'ai aussi fait des erreurs et je m'en fichais pas.
10:51Tu vois?
10:52Euh, bon, j'espère que tu t'en fiches.
10:55Bon, j'espère que tu t'en fiches.
10:57Parce que je dois y aller.
10:58Ah oui, et c'est autre chose.
11:00Qu'est-ce que c'est?
11:01Ta nouvelle boîte de lit.
11:02Ma quoi?
11:03Faire ton boulot là-dedans nous donnera 50% d'épargne en temps de marche.
11:07C'est fou!
11:09Je ferai mon boulot en public, avec dignité.
11:13Parker.
11:14Bonjour, Park.
11:15Ah, c'est un chien malheureux ici.
11:17Je me demande si mon nouveau chip peut télécharger de la bibliothèque centrale.
11:21Ça peut! J'adore la technologie!
11:26C'est bon, mais je ne vais pas le couvrir.
11:34Après ce boulot, je vais vous dire plus sur comment ce réseau ne m'apprécie pas.
11:39On reviendra.
11:40D'ailleurs, c'est vraiment dur avec ce truc du contrat, hein?
11:43Je ne veux pas discuter de ça avec vous.
11:45Le boulot de l'office est un échec de temps et d'énergie.
11:48Maintenant, si vous m'excusez, j'ai 2,3 minutes pour piquer.
11:52Je reviendrai.
11:53Oh mon Dieu, elle est encore plus de contrôle que d'habitude.
11:55Tu sais, elle a hacké mon ordinateur.
11:57C'est rien. L'autre jour, elle m'a parlé dans la salle de bain.
12:00Hal, rien de plus que 3 coups et tu joues officiellement avec ça.
12:03Retourne au travail.
12:05Parker a toujours aimé impressionner le boss,
12:07mais elle a sa tête bien au-dessus du port USB de Dick's.
12:10Je ne sais pas combien de temps je peux prendre.
12:12Tu n'as plus besoin de le prendre.
12:14Aucun d'entre nous!
12:17Où est-il, tout le monde?
12:18On doit avoir un rendez-vous.
12:19Il y a eu un développement.
12:21Ho! Ho! Hey! Hey! Deed needs more cash!
12:25Ho! Ho! Hey! Hey! Deed needs more cash!
12:27Je pense que cette chante est un peu unilatérale.
12:34Honk if you support talent!
12:36Chicago!
12:37Honk if you support talent!
12:45Parker, ce coup n'est pas un retour prometteur d'événements.
12:49Nous pouvons montrer des reprises et j'espère que demain,
12:51on reviendra en direct sur l'air.
12:53Hope n'est pas un mot reconnu dans mon vocabulaire de gestion.
12:56Je vais l'enlever immédiatement.
13:01Striking est beaucoup plus dur que ce que je fais d'habitude.
13:04S'il vous plaît, retournez à la scène.
13:07Striking n'est pas dans les intérêts les meilleurs de l'émission.
13:09Et mes intérêts les meilleurs?
13:11Je ne suis pas traitée de manière faire.
13:12Retirer vos services nous coûtera du temps et de l'argent.
13:16Donnez-moi ce que je veux.
13:17Je ne peux pas.
13:18Si ce n'est pas le cas, il n'y a pas de D-Show.
13:22Oui, Parker, essayez de faire le défilé sans nous.
13:24Nous t'avons l'air.
13:26D'accord, je le ferai.
13:30Aujourd'hui sur D,
13:31le célèbre parfait de l'Aussie,
13:33dénonce la tendance végétarienne avec son nouveau livre de cuisines.
13:36Des repas de poisson incroyables.
13:41Caméra 1, prenez une photo plus courte sur D.
13:43Et coupons au commercial.
13:45Parker, D fait le défilé.
13:47Comment l'as-tu convaincue?
13:50Ce n'est pas D, c'est un avatar.
13:52Ça m'a pris toute la nuit à le désigner,
13:54mais ça a l'air assez réaliste.
13:56Quand D voit comment elle peut être remplacée,
13:58je crois qu'elle va s'accepter de nos termes.
14:00Excellente stratégie.
14:01Je dois admettre que je trouve le nouveau défilé de Parker très impressionnant.
14:05Un peu plus de câbles et je pourrais même te trouver attirante.
14:08Oh, toi!
14:10Parker, serais-tu intéressée à me rejoindre plus tard
14:13pour un jeu célèbre de Pong?
14:16Bien sûr, Dick.
14:17Je vais même t'apporter du nettoyeur de verre
14:19et te donner une peinture.
14:27Parker!
14:28Qui est-ce que c'est?
14:30Parker, l'utilisation de l'arbre n'est pas cool.
14:32En plus, selon mon contrat,
14:34tant que je respire,
14:36je suis la seule qui peut présenter le défilé.
14:38Mets-le dans ton sac et dégoute-le.
14:41Ça te rend heureuse?
14:43Si c'est le cas, faisons-le.
14:47Ta stratégie de négociation a failli.
14:49Que vas-tu faire maintenant, Parker?
14:51Nous n'avons qu'une seule option.
14:53Qu'est-ce que c'est?
14:54Activer la CS 5000.
15:06Parker!
15:07Là, tu es!
15:08J'ai oublié de le dire.
15:09Est-ce que mon équipe de combat peut prendre du vodka?
15:12On peut utiliser un boost de morale.
15:15Pourquoi es-tu habillée comme ça?
15:19Oh, comme si tu me tuerais vraiment?
15:24Oh, tu me tueras vraiment!
15:45Personne ne meurt de ma mini-barre.
15:56Merci.
15:57Ton sacrifice sera souvenu.
15:59Si tu étais un homme,
16:00ce serait le début de quelque chose de magique.
16:15Putain!
16:16Parker, arrête!
16:17S'il te plaît, si tu es encore là, écoute.
16:19Tu dois savoir combien tu es important pour tout le monde.
16:21Nous t'aimons.
16:22Et pas parce que tu es un producteur efficace,
16:24mais parce que tu es une personne compassionnée et émotionnelle.
16:27Oh, blablabla!
16:28Juste tue-la, pour dieu sain!
16:30Ou je peux juste faire ça.
16:45Oh, qu'est-ce qui s'est passé?
16:47C'est ce qui se passe quand tu mélanges des électroniques chères
16:49et un désir déprimant de plaisir.
16:51Oh, mon Dieu!
16:53Je suis désolée.
16:54On doit s'en aller.
16:55L'escape n'est pas une option.
16:57Engagez le bâtiment.
17:01Quoi?
17:02Nous devons fermer sa source de puissance principale.
17:04C'est ça! Allons-y!
17:07Où est cette source de puissance?
17:09Dans ma zone de repos préférée.
17:11Le bâtiment.
17:14Il y a la fermeture manuelle.
17:15J'y suis!
17:17Parker, comment peux-tu faire ça à moi?
17:19Tchiii!
17:20Tu vas vraiment me toucher les émotions,
17:22sauf que tu les as prises.
17:23Tu te souviens?
17:24À plus, Dick!
17:26Sur mon beau corps mort,
17:28et mon, mon, mon, mon, mon...
17:30Wow! Je n'ai jamais vu tellement de belles créatures dans ma vie.
17:33Dick a dû répliquer mon programme
17:35pour créer une armée de Ds!
17:37Je suis désolée.
17:38Je suis désolée.
17:39Prends ça!
17:43Wow!
17:45Oh! Juste à l'école!
17:46Ha!
17:49Ah!
17:50Ha!
17:51Ha!
17:52Ha!
17:53Ha!
17:54Ha!
17:55Ha!
17:56Ha!
17:57Ha!
17:58Ha!
17:59Ha!
18:00Ha!
18:01Ha!
18:02Ha!
18:03Ha!
18:04Ha!
18:05Ha!
18:06Ha!
18:07Ha!
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