Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:3092 degrees. God!
00:50I want a drink but I can't be bothered to get up.
00:54I want to go to the loo but I can't be bothered to go down the corridor.
00:59This is one of the universal dilemmas.
01:02Something which has confronted all men since the beginning of time.
01:07To pee or not to pee, that is the question.
01:11No.
01:13I'll just lie here really thirsty with a full bladder
01:17and try and get to sleep.
01:25Smeggin' hell.
01:30One more time
01:31and you get this.
01:33Do you hear?
01:34Don't think I don't mean it.
01:36One more time, just one more.
01:43What did I tell you?
01:45I told you, didn't I tell you?
01:47How many times have I told you?
01:50Right, what was the last one?
01:54Nureek.
01:55So the next one will be a rutut
01:57and the one after that will be a hanunga.
02:01Four seconds.
02:02Three seconds.
02:04Two seconds.
02:07Now hanunga.
02:12No, that's wrong.
02:13You've gone out of sequence.
02:15Nureek, rutut, hanunga.
02:18What's wrong with you?
02:21If you're going to keep me up all night, just do it right, okay?
02:28Squilucal?
02:29Where did squilucal come from?
02:31He's new.
02:39Oh, that's better. Killed two birds with one shower.
02:52Right, right.
02:59I can't hear you.
03:01You can do whatever you like.
03:02I can't hear a damn thing.
03:22Oh, my goodness.
03:29It's Princess Leia.
03:32Mr. Skywalker went that way, ma'am.
03:36What? It's nearly one a.m., ma'am. What are you doing up?
03:38Looking for someone to kill. Care to volunteer?
03:41Oh, can't sleep.
03:42Have you ever listened to those plapped-out old pipes?
03:44Nureeking, then rututting, then just when you expect them to nureek again,
03:47they squilucal.
03:50It's enough to make a perfectly sane person crazy.
03:54It's quite amazing the number of people those pipes have driven to the very brink of psychosis.
03:58Mr. Lister spent the night in there once, and he ended up trying to suffocate himself to death with an onion sandwich.
04:05Look at this. This is a boy's fridge.
04:06Women would never have fridges like this.
04:10Chill, trainers. It just wouldn't happen.
04:13What would you say to a glass of drinking chocolate?
04:17I'd say, glass of drinking chocolate,
04:19Get me out of here.
04:22I can't live like this.
04:24I need a bath.
04:25I hate showers. I've always hated showers.
04:27Ask anyone who knows me what I hate, and do you know what they'll say?
04:29You hate showers?
04:30You see? Even you know, and you hardly know me.
04:33I need a bath.
04:34I need sleep. I need clothes.
04:36I need cottage cheese with pineapple chunks in.
04:39Well, the next Space Corps ship we come across, ma'am, I'm sure we'll find some supplies.
04:43I mean, I knew when I joined the Corps, it would be tough in deep space.
04:47I accepted shopping was unlikely,
04:51but then I lost my crew, my ship,
04:54and I ended up here with a fridge full of trainers,
04:57two sets of clothes and pipes that squiggle when they shudder.
05:03I mean, I've tried. I really have tried to fit in.
05:07I even tried learning what offside was.
05:12Mum, please. I've never had to comfort a crying woman before.
05:17I'm not familiar with the technique.
05:20Hang on. Just processing.
05:23Oh. Oh, I see.
05:25Oh, well, don't worry, ma'am. I know the drill now.
05:31What are you doing? Get off me!
05:33The Heimlich Maneuver, ma'am. I believe it helps women stop crying.
05:37The Heimlich Maneuver stops people choking, you idiot!
05:39No, I think you're wrong, mum.
05:41Of course I'm not wrong. You've just got a corrupted file in your database.
05:45Well, then, why have you stopped crying?
05:47Because it's really hard to cry when someone's trying to do the Heimlich Maneuver on you.
05:51It really puts you off.
05:53But you're not crying, though.
05:55Well, no.
05:57So it worked.
05:59No, it didn't work. It just...
06:01Oh, shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
06:04Oh!
06:08Where did it all go wrong?
06:11My life started off so promisingly.
06:14Rich parents, good school.
06:17Pony named Jumper.
06:19How did I end up like this?
06:22On a ship where the fourth most popular pastime
06:25is going down to the laundry room and watching my knickers spin dry.
06:29Mum, that is not true! No-one has ever done that.
06:32That's only because they don't know when you washed them.
06:35A couple of posters and a trailer before the world's stupidest Stuntmen video.
06:38And take it from me, that laundry room will be packed!
06:41I think you're doing Mr Lister and the cat a great disservice, Mum.
06:44A great, great disservice.
06:46Wow. This is the best load yet.
06:50Just for the record, I'd like to repeat that I'm only here because I can't sleep.
06:54So this had to do some of me laundry and help out Crichton.
06:57Yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:59I'm not here because I'm a sad and lonely person
07:01who's entertained by women's underwear spin drying.
07:04My God, a G-string! Where?
07:06Mr Lister.
07:08I swear, it was black and really, really small.
07:11I'm too mature for this. I'm just going to sit here and read me comic.
07:15Oh, buddy, this is a great show tonight.
07:17I may even write a fan letter to the washing machine company.
07:20Sometimes I'm really ashamed to be with you.
07:22You're completely out of order. Do you know that?
07:24Since when did you get so mature?
07:26Mature? Mature for ages, me.
07:29Oh, yeah? Yeah.
07:31You're just pretending to be mature
07:33because you're trying to get Officer Bud-Babe to fall for you.
07:35Everybody knows that.
07:37Go and stick an egg up your nose.
07:39It's true. It isn't true.
07:41It is. It isn't. It isn't.
07:43It is. It isn't. It isn't. It isn't.
07:45Sir, sir, sir, what are you arguing about?
07:47About me being really mature.
07:49I've been looking all over for you, sir. Why aren't you in bed?
07:51The heating system's gone bonkers.
07:53Why? What's up?
07:55Oh, it appears life on board ship is getting Miss Kachansky down, sir.
07:58She's in the midships now, throwing knives into the wall
08:00and getting reduced at the fridge for not having any low-fat yogurts.
08:02What's the problem?
08:04It's not helped by the fact that her sleeping quarters
08:06are next to the sewage processor.
08:08You know how noisy those pipes are, sir.
08:10We'll relight them first thing in the morning.
08:12Oh, it's not just she can't sleep, sir.
08:14It's everything. Not being able to have a bath,
08:16no cottage cheese, no...
08:18Ah!
08:20The thermostat.
08:22I swear I set the correct program.
08:24Oh.
08:26Who on earth is going to tell her? I mean, who...
08:30Oh.
08:34Hi.
08:36How are you settling in?
08:38Great.
08:40Having a ball.
08:42We'll get you some more clothes.
08:44Don't worry.
08:46I can wander round in a sheet for the next 50 years.
08:48I'll be fine.
08:50We'll fix those pipes.
08:52If you could just make them go nerik every time
08:54without any skrillicles, I'd be so grateful.
08:56We'll stop them completely.
08:58I'm not used to this.
09:00Not having stuff.
09:02When I was 15, my brother Moose
09:04used to kidnap my lipstick and hold it to ransom.
09:06He knew that if I didn't look good,
09:08I wouldn't go out.
09:10If I don't look good, I don't feel good.
09:12How do you feel now?
09:16Don't answer that.
09:18I know I've been spoiled.
09:20Brought up in the trendiest part of Glasgow.
09:22Yeah, the gobbles, you said.
09:2411 years in cyber school.
09:26Perfect computer-generated setting.
09:28With perfect CG teachers
09:30and perfect CG friends.
09:32Now I can't even have a bath.
09:34Come on.
09:36Come with me.
09:38I've got something to show you.
09:44You take my quarters tonight.
09:46And I'll have yours.
09:48I've cleaned out an old retro housing
09:50and filled it with water.
09:52I don't know what you're talking about.
09:54I filled it with water.
09:56I don't know what to say.
09:58And I found this on that derelict.
10:00I was saving it for your birthday.
10:02There's some make-up in there, too.
10:14I can't find her anywhere, sir.
10:16I've been searching high and low.
10:18Oh, Mum, I didn't spot you there.
10:20Chris is sleeping in my quarters tonight.
10:22In your quarters, sir?
10:24Yeah, he's going to have a nice hot bath.
10:26In here? Without clothes on?
10:28Well, convention dictates
10:30probably, yeah.
10:36Right, me and Chris have been having a talk.
10:38And we think it'd be better all round if you leave.
10:40Sir?
10:42Well, as you probably know, we're planning on settling down together.
10:44It started that night you had a bath
10:46in my quarters, remember?
10:48We've got you this
10:50evening present.
10:52A keyring?
10:54With a C on it.
10:56For Crichton.
10:58But you spell Crichton with a K.
11:00Oh, don't make a fuss.
11:02Now, I've packed all your heads. They're in the bag.
11:08You know what it's like, man.
11:10It's the fourth law of the universe.
11:12You settle down with a woman, and the first thing they do
11:14is systematically set about getting rid of all your mates.
11:16The cat's next.
11:18You see, you want to be a proper couple
11:20and have lots of dinner parties.
11:22And I think I've reached the age now where I really should be wearing clogs.
11:26And you see, we're all a bit embarrassed of you
11:28because you've got a funny-shaped head.
11:30You're not human, are you? You're a robot.
11:32Yeah.
11:34Oh, hi, you're early. Come in.
11:36Great to see you.
11:48I've just seen the future.
11:50I'm afraid Mr. Lister has shrunk your uniform, Mom.
11:52You only have one left now.
11:54Did he? Never mind.
11:56Aren't you mad?
11:58I'm too tired to be mad.
12:00I just want to have my bath and get some sleep.
12:02Right. I'll be going, then.
12:04Going? After all these years, I'll be going?
12:06Are you all right, Crichton?
12:08Never been better, thank you, sir.
12:10That keyring with a C on it. Unbelievable.
12:12Thank you, with a capital R.
12:14What's eating him?
12:16I don't know. I'll find out later.
12:18Thanks for this. I really appreciate it.
12:20Hey, no bother.
12:22See you in the morning.
12:24Right.
12:26Well, I'll be going, then.
12:28Yeah. Night.
12:30Right. I'll... I'll go. Yeah.
12:32See you tomorrow.
12:34Tomorrow? Right. If you need anyone to scrub your back or anything,
12:36don't hesitate to call. I can be here in 20 seconds.
12:38I won't.
12:40Night, then. Night.
12:42Night.
12:44Who was that?
12:46I don't know anything.
12:48Let's launch somewhere.
12:54What the hell's happening?
12:56The generator's down, sir.
12:58I was just adjusting the thermo settings, and it overloaded.
13:00Give it a few seconds, and the emergency backup will kick in.
13:04Thank goodness.
13:08I'll look into it immediately, sir.
13:10There goes the backup.
13:12Now everything's dead.
13:14How come the door's closed?
13:16When the backup goes down, the doors always lock.
13:18Prevent fire, reinforce hull integrity.
13:20So what's stirring this crate?
13:22Is autopilot down, too?
13:24Everything's down.
13:26Oh, I wish I'd been more careful.
13:28You mean this ship's carooming out of control through space
13:30with absolutely zero expertise at the helm?
13:32No change there, then.
13:34We've got to refire the pilot.
13:36What?
13:38We've got to refire the backup generator.
13:40The only way to get to the backup is through the surface ducts.
13:42The what?
13:44Two miles of ventways that wind their way through the ship like intestines.
13:46There should be a hatchway in your shower, sir.
13:48How long's that going to take?
13:50Six hours, maybe more.
13:52Six hours?
13:54Are you OK, sir?
13:56Fine, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
13:58The reading said last night
14:00that there was going to be a meteor storm coming in directly ahead,
14:02but it won't hit us for at least 12 hours.
14:04We should gather up some supplies, a little food,
14:06as much water as we can carry,
14:08and maybe even that magnetic fishing game.
14:13OK, let's go.
14:30It's so damn hot I can barely breathe.
14:32It's like being stuck in a sauna for a week.
14:34It's like being stuck in a sauna with a fat man on your face.
14:36I don't feel so good.
14:38The walls are closing in.
14:40Are you OK, sir?
14:42I need to take a break. I need air.
14:44He's claustrophobic. Didn't you guys know?
14:46I'm all right when an oak can get out,
14:48but now we're out in the middle somewhere.
14:50I can't breathe. Have a drink, sir.
14:52OK, take a look around.
14:54See if we can unscrew one of the ceiling hatches,
14:56drop back down into the ship somewhere.
14:58Let's go.
15:00The road's closed. I'm choking.
15:02Here, drink some of this.
15:04You just need something to take your mind off it.
15:08I wonder why Dave, my Dave,
15:10wasn't claustrophobic.
15:12Oh, thanks, Chris. That's really helping.
15:14Now is not a good time to tell me
15:16how great your boyfriend is, OK?
15:18He wasn't my boyfriend. Not really.
15:20What? No, we were just good friends.
15:22No, but you said...
15:24I just didn't want to look like some sad loser
15:26when we first met, so I asked him to play along.
15:28You weren't going out with him?
15:30He wasn't my type.
15:32But he was well-dressed, neat,
15:34sophisticated, sensitive.
15:36He was so damn picky.
15:38Why wasn't he your type?
15:40He was gay. You see, picky.
15:42Everyone has to be absolutely perfect
15:44before you're in... What did you say?
15:46He was gay.
15:48Gay? Yes.
15:50Are you saying I'm gay in an alternative dimension?
15:52Yes. Me?
15:54That's why we only dated for a couple of weeks.
15:56It was sort of his final attempt
15:58at trying to work things out.
16:00Wait a minute.
16:02You don't think...
16:04Now, hang on.
16:06I'm completely straight, OK?
16:08I couldn't possibly be gay.
16:10I can't grow a big moustache, for starters.
16:12Ask anyone, it just grows in little gloops.
16:14Dave, shut up. I'm just saying.
16:16I really miss him.
16:18He was great.
16:20Sometimes we used to go to bed together
16:22and he'd just hold me,
16:24make me feel everything was OK.
16:26Really?
16:30Well, actually...
16:32Now, what am I thinking of?
16:34I am not gay.
16:36There's no need to make such a big deal about it.
16:38But I am not.
16:40Like a red dwarf before the accident,
16:42I had loads of gay friends.
16:44Yeah, so did I. Yeah? Yeah.
16:46Real friends that you were really close to?
16:48Yeah. Name one.
16:50OK, what about...
16:52Bent Bob?
16:54Bent Bob?
16:56Yeah, little guy. Bad two-pet. Used to work in catering.
16:58That's what you used to call him, is it?
17:00Hey, Bent Bob, how's it going, mate?
17:02It was his nickname.
17:04It was affectionate.
17:06And we obviously only ever used it behind his back.
17:08Used to be one of the poker school. Nice bloke.
17:10And he was one of your really good friends, was he?
17:12All right, I admit I haven't had many gay friends.
17:14Yes, you have.
17:16You just haven't known they were.
17:18Like who?
17:20Well, I can only speak for my reality,
17:22but he used to work for a starship.
17:24Todd Hunter.
17:26Todd Hunter? Yeah.
17:28He was married. So?
17:30He had kids. So?
17:32Used to fool around, slept with women.
17:34That doesn't mean anything. Yes, it does.
17:36Hang on a minute.
17:38This is garbage, isn't it?
17:40You just made it all up to take my mind off being stuck in here.
17:44You're not really a sad loser after all, are you?
17:48God, I found that really attractive as well.
17:50It makes me feel all kind of superior and macho.
17:52Not that I don't usually feel macho, because I do.
17:54Here, have another drink, hetero boy.
17:58So your Dave isn't, is he?
18:02Ah, smeg.
18:06We found a grill about 20 metres down on the right,
18:08which drops down into a supply room.
18:10We can't get through to unscrew the fastening bolts,
18:12but Mum, with smaller hands, you might enjoy better luck.
18:16Will you be OK?
18:18I'll be OK.
18:26Drink?
18:32Boy, is it cramped.
18:34Ooh-wee.
18:36I tell you, if I was Dave,
18:38you most certainly could not swing me around in here.
18:40Cat.
18:42Talk about cooter. Cat.
18:44Oh, sorry.
18:46We're not supposed to talk about that, right?
18:48Right.
18:54So how do you get to be claustrophobic?
18:56Are you born that way, or is it because you're kind of sissy?
18:58Sissy.
19:00Yeah? Yeah.
19:02Now, can we just change the subject, please?
19:10So how come you didn't get it when we was in that tunnel
19:12and went on a wild...
19:14Yeah, just sometimes.
19:16When I know that I can't get out.
19:18Maybe it's something to do with blood sugar.
19:20How come you get it at all, though?
19:24I was 17,
19:26working in the mega-mart, part-time,
19:28as a trolley parker.
19:30After a couple of months,
19:32I fell in love with cashier number four.
19:34She was 22, with a cooter behind her,
19:36bacon to count her eyes.
19:38And there was just something about
19:40the way she held her pricing gun
19:42and the way she held her trolleys.
19:44We started seeing each other
19:46in the stockroom at break time.
19:50She gave you claustrophobia?
19:52I didn't think you could get it like that.
19:54No.
19:56She was married to this ball bloke
19:58who used to serve the fish.
20:00Ten years old, isn't he?
20:02He was more interested in this amateur Jermitage group
20:04he used to run than her.
20:06One evening, we were both on the late shift
20:08and we snuck into the stockroom
20:10after a couple of minutes,
20:12about halfway through. I was 17.
20:14She leapt up and took the sun under the door,
20:16so I jumped into this wooden packing crate.
20:18It was him.
20:20He asked what the hell she was doing,
20:22lying on a box of reduced, indented veg
20:24with no kit on.
20:26She said she was trying to get an all-over tamp
20:28on the light bulb.
20:30He was having none of that.
20:32He sealed me up in the box
20:34and said he was going to drop me in the canal.
20:36He drove me out there.
20:38I asked him anything, so I'd never see him again.
20:40Just let me out.
20:42In the end, he relented.
20:44When he heard the box being opened,
20:46he stepped out,
20:48bollock naked,
20:50right in the middle of the brutal player's
20:52amateur production of The Importance of Being Earnest.
20:56Boy, that's enough to freak anyone out.
20:58I had no idea
21:00Mr. Lister was claustrophobic.
21:02Why did he never mention it?
21:04Well, it's probably not something he feels comfortable talking about.
21:06He's told me about everything else about his life.
21:08Not everything, Crichton.
21:10Absolutely, ma'am.
21:12Everything?
21:14Before you arrived, nights were long and dull.
21:16Cheese, slice, snap can only entertain for so long.
21:18So what did he tell you about me?
21:20Oh, absolutely everything, ma'am.
21:22I don't think he missed a single detail.
21:24You mean he told you
21:26about the rusty gate?
21:28Oh, the rusty gate.
21:30That was one of the first things he told us.
21:32We all had a good laugh about that.
21:34Did he make us sound like a rusty gate when I'm making love?
21:36He told you that?
21:38No, he told us his grandma once had a rusty gate
21:40and he helped fix it.
21:42And that gave you a good laugh?
21:44Well, like I say, ma'am,
21:46nights were long and dull.
21:48We were glad of the anecdote.
21:50So he didn't...
21:52Just shut up, okay? I never said that.
21:54Allow me a second, ma'am.
21:56I'm just cross-filing that story under B for blackmail
21:58and A for anecdote.
22:00Subcategory S for so funny you'll laugh till you're sick.
22:02Look, wickstand head,
22:04me and Dave, it's all in the past.
22:06In which case, ma'am,
22:08why does he keep looking at you in the same way
22:10a starving man would look at a packet of roasted peanuts?
22:12Well, it's because...
22:14It's because, ma'am, he can't wait to get the wrapper off
22:16and taste the salty goodness.
22:18That's his problem.
22:20I'm accounted for.
22:22What about the way you look at him?
22:24What way? I've seen the way.
22:26What way? Like he's a pot of cottage cheese
22:28with pineapple chunks in.
22:30How can you say that?
22:32I have never looked at him like he's a pot of cottage cheese
22:34with pineapple chunks in.
22:36Maybe once or twice, plain cottage cheese,
22:38but never, ever with pineapple chunks in.
22:40Never.
22:42Never.
22:44Have I?
22:50What's that?
22:52What's what?
22:54Can't you hear it yet?
22:56Like a roaring noise.
23:00A roaring noise?
23:02Like a watery kind of roaring noise.
23:04I can't hear a thing.
23:06It's like water
23:08roaring down, say,
23:10a passageway
23:12in a kind of roaring,
23:14watery kind of way.
23:16I wonder what the hell it is.
23:18Hey, where are you going?
23:20Chris, Creighton, recite water!
23:22Every four hours, I took ways to get fuckwashed.
23:24You know what?
23:26I think I just solved the watery, roaring noise problem.
23:28Come on!
23:30I ain't going with you.
23:32Why not?
23:34That's where the water's coming from.
23:36You can be really dumb
23:38sometimes, you know that?
23:52I hate this.
23:54I really hate this.
23:58What's that?
24:00What's what?
24:02That noise.
24:04Oh, not again.
24:06What noise?
24:08Is it a roaring, watery kind of noise?
24:10No, not that noise.
24:12This is a different kind of noise.
24:14Is it a sort of cat being smacked on the head
24:16by a smacked-off Lister's fist kind of noise?
24:18It's a sort of
24:20swirly,
24:22windy,
24:24water-drying,
24:26water-drying,
24:28hurricane-y kind of noise.
24:30A swirly, windy,
24:32water-drying, hurricane-y kind of noise.
24:34The dryer.
24:36The vents get dried
24:38after the backwash.
24:42Here it comes.
24:44Whoa!
24:56I am not having a good day!
25:00This should help, sir.
25:02Take away the rising panic.
25:04What is it?
25:06There was a first-aid box in the supply store.
25:08Limoplethenamine clethorolite.
25:10Well done, ma'am.
25:14Well, everything considered,
25:16we've made good time.
25:18What if we're down here for days
25:20and end up having to eat each other
25:22like those dudes from that plane crash?
25:24Those were exceptional circumstances, sir.
25:26Their only other choice was airline food.
25:28It won't happen to us.
25:30Good, because there's no way I could ever eat a person.
25:32No way I could ever cook one, either.
25:34Not without my slow cooker.
25:36What about drinking your own urine?
25:38Well, that's absolutely out of the question.
25:40You should never serve urine with white meat.
25:42I hate the dark.
25:44Reminds me of being back in the orphanage school.
25:48The dorm was always pitch black.
25:50The tight sods didn't allow so much as nightlight
25:52just to save electricity.
25:54Remember one night,
25:56the lights went out,
25:58and as usual, squeaky Gibson's bed started up.
26:00Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak.
26:02We all picked up our shoes
26:04and threw them at him.
26:06Shut up, Gibson, we're trying to sleep!
26:08Anyway, here we are.
26:10Anyway,
26:12we all settled back down,
26:14and after a while, his bed springs started up again.
26:16Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak.
26:18More shoes, football boots,
26:20trainers, everything.
26:22There was no stopping him.
26:24He just got faster and faster.
26:26Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak.
26:28So I got up, snapped on the light,
26:30and there under a mountain of shoes
26:32was poor old Squeaky having an epileptic fit.
26:34Managed to wedge one of me
26:36trainers into his mouth.
26:38Probably saved his life.
26:40Cyber school was so different.
26:42We'd arrive on the first day of term,
26:44put on our total immersion suits
26:46and get connected to the mainframe.
26:48And suddenly, there we'd be,
26:50in a perfect replica of a girls' boarding school.
26:52We had Miss Brody for English,
26:54Mr. Chips for Maths.
26:56For History, they brought in
26:58Disraeli and Genghis Khan.
27:00For Literature, they let us talk to Shakespeare
27:02and Dickens.
27:04Can't wait to hear what they did
27:06in English in class.
27:08At 18, when I finally got out,
27:10I kind of went off the rails.
27:12How off the rails?
27:14There are the rails.
27:16There's me.
27:18That's way off the rails.
27:20So, what did you do?
27:22Well, you name it.
27:24No, you name it. What did you do?
27:26Well...
27:28Yeah?
27:30What, you want me to write you a list?
27:32Yeah.
27:34I smoked cigarettes sometimes.
27:36I wore skirts that were quite short.
27:38I went to the library
27:40and was really noisy.
27:42Really?
27:44No, not really.
27:46Was in the real life for the first time.
27:48No protectors.
27:50I went insane.
27:52Really?
27:54Yeah. I was a retro punk.
27:56Wow.
27:58They always say the hardest part about leaving cyberspace
28:00is realizing the whole universe
28:02revolves around you.
28:04It revolves around me.
28:06Absolutely.
28:08I'm serious. Look at the evidence.
28:10What evidence?
28:12Take food. Until I bite into it,
28:14it has no taste.
28:16Even when I know what I'm going to say,
28:18it never bores me.
28:20You and you alone.
28:22And here's the clincher.
28:24All of the interesting things that ever happened to me
28:26happened when I was in the room.
28:28Coincidence?
28:30No.
28:36According to my reckoning,
28:38we should be halfway across B deck by now.
28:40Boy, is this place hot.
28:42Satan could come here on his winter break.
28:44Hang on.
28:46How come it's getting hotter
28:48when the generators are packed in?
28:50Should be getting colder, shouldn't it?
28:52Mom, that meteor storm you said we were heading towards,
28:54what direction was it in?
28:56Dead ahead.
28:58I think we've been knocked off course.
29:00Probably due to the initial impact of the generators going down.
29:02I think we're heading straight into that sun.
29:04And it's all my fault.
29:06Cryton, man, it's not your fault.
29:08It is.
29:10It isn't. You were just adjusting the thermo settings
29:12and it overloaded.
29:14I did it on purpose.
29:16I typed in the override code on the access panel in the corridor.
29:18What?
29:20I don't know what to say.
29:22I didn't realize it would be so dangerous.
29:24Cryton, man, what made you do it?
29:26I really can't remember.
29:28What do you mean you can't remember?
29:30I'd rather not say it out loud.
29:32It might sound a bit silly.
29:34Say it.
29:36I didn't want you to have a bath, Mom.
29:40Well, I knew it would be one of those no-clothes baths
29:42and Mr. Lister would scrub your back
29:44and before we know what's going on,
29:46he's wearing clogs and you're having gelfs round to dinner.
29:48And what would have happened to me?
29:50I'd have been on my own again.
29:52Oh, Cryton.
29:54I was just so scared.
29:56Come on, we've got no time to waste.
29:58Let's get the hell out of here.
30:00But we're not going to make it, sir.
30:02Yes, we are.
30:04We're going to catch some sand.
30:06Okay, here it comes.
30:08Tell me again, how'd you hang ten?
30:10Just get in position.
30:12Hear it?
30:24Ah!
30:46Thank God we made it.
30:50Oh, God!
30:54Oh, God!
31:04How?
31:06How?
31:08I...
31:10Oh.
31:14Oh, that's it, we're fried.
31:16Unless someone's got some really terrific sunblock cream.
31:18Not necessary, Mom.
31:20I excluded the doors from the shutdown override
31:22in case anything happened.
31:26You mean we spent the night crawling from one end of this ship
31:28to God knows where on back
31:30for absolutely no reason?
31:32It was all pointless.
31:34You put me through that nightmare
31:36when we could just walk out that door at any moment.
31:38Well, if you'd excuse us,
31:40we've got some serious reversing to do.
31:42But we'll talk about this
31:44over a cup of coffee and a hot branding iron.
31:46Well, night.
31:48Aren't you mad too, Mom?
31:50You're not, are you?
31:52I think I understand.
31:54For you, the trek through the ducts
31:56was far from pointless.
31:58It was an emotional journey
32:00where you gleaned invaluable insights
32:02into your crewmates.
32:04This was your rites of passage.
32:06You feel enriched, wiser,
32:08and somehow bonded with others in a way
32:10that you never thought possible.
32:12Am I right?
32:14Nuiq.
32:16Nuiq.
32:18Say retut.
32:20Retut.
32:22Say hananga.
32:24Hananga.
32:26Nuiq.
32:28Retut.
32:30Hananga.
32:32Nuiq.
32:34Retut.
32:36Hananga.
32:38Retut.
32:40Nuiq.
32:42Nuiq.
32:44Nuiq.
32:46Nuiq.
32:48Nuiq.
32:50Nuiq.
32:52Nuiq.
32:54Nuiq.
32:56Nuiq.
32:58Nuiq.
33:00Nuiq.
33:02Nuiq.
33:04Nuiq.
33:06Nuiq.
33:08Nuiq.
33:10Nuiq.
33:12Nuiq.
33:14Nuiq.
33:16Nuiq.
33:18Nuiq.
33:20Nuiq.
33:22Nuiq.
33:24Nuiq.
33:26Nuiq.
33:28Nuiq.
33:30Nuiq.
33:32Nuiq.
33:34Nuiq.
33:36Nuiq.