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00:37Hello?
00:38Testing, one, two, three. Hello?
00:41Yes.
00:43OK, here we go.
00:45Ship's log, erm, one.
00:48I've decided to keep a journal of life on board ship and send it off on a probe.
00:52Since 10 and 28, I feel a new maturity about myself.
00:56In fact, I can't even remember the last time I tried to urinate on women from the top of D-deck.
01:00Now, wait a minute, Friday.
01:02But apart from that one lapse, maturity-wise, I'm practically up there with Abe Lincoln and Moses.
01:07Now, just recently, we came across a craft piloted by ourselves from 15 years into the future.
01:12We had a bit of an argument, and they attacked us.
01:15See you attached.
01:17Another log. Incoming message.
01:19Either you give us access to the data we require,
01:22or be prepared to be blasted out of the sky.
01:30Kat?
01:32Dead.
01:34But there may be a...
01:40There may be a what?
01:42A way out of this? Is that what you were going to say?
01:44Speak, Crichton.
01:46How can we change what's happening?
02:15We were no match. They killed us.
02:18And destroyed everything on board ship, including the time drive.
02:21Which meant there was no time drive for them to have in the future,
02:24to bring back into the past to destroy the future of their past selves in the present.
02:27Put simply, by killing us, they killed themselves.
02:30Because once we were dead, it was impossible for us to become them in the future
02:33and return in time to kill ourselves in the past, even though it was the present.
02:38Oh, snake.
02:40Have you been trying to explain about our future selves again, sir?
02:43I just thought I'd give it one more go.
02:45That's the third camera this week. The machines just can't take it, sir.
02:48But I'm only trying to explain why Starbuck's damaged,
02:51despite the timeline being erased.
02:53Because this reality's unstable,
02:55and anomalies have emerged from both dimensions to cope with the paradox.
02:58Garbled, confusing, and quite frankly,
03:00duller than an in-flight magazine produced by Air Belgium.
03:03Now just state our position and explain we're down on supplies.
03:06All right. All right.
03:11This is Dave List of the JMC transport vehicle Starbuck.
03:14We're down on supplies. We need help. Out.
03:19By the way, we're in space.
03:21Just past a sort of reddy moon a couple of days ago.
03:23Coordinates enclosed.
03:26It's about that shape.
03:28You can't miss it.
03:30It's about that shape. You can't miss it.
04:01Ship's log update. Friday, a.m.
04:04The battle with our future selves has had the most terrible consequence.
04:09Wiped out?
04:11Crichton, man, they can't be.
04:13I'm afraid so, sir.
04:15The laser cannon breached the main water tank and flooded supply deck B.
04:18They didn't stand a chance.
04:20Yeah, but surely...
04:22There was nothing we could do to save them, sir.
04:24So you mean...
04:26now we've got no popularity?
04:28I mean, now we've got no poppadoms at all.
04:32No poppadoms, no curries.
04:34All the Indian food supplies have been totaled.
04:40I'll have to survive without them, then.
04:42I'll have salads.
04:44Sir, you're in shock. You don't know what you're saying.
04:47After all, it's only curry.
04:49Only curry? The enormity of it hasn't sunk in.
04:52You must mourn, sir. Don't you see? You must mourn.
04:55Curries? Oh, sir.
04:57Get it out. Cry like a baby.
05:00What am I going to do?
05:02Curry night was the one little beacon I had.
05:04It made me feel like a normal, ordinary guy.
05:06Not some sad freak stuck in deep space.
05:09No woman, no hope, no curry.
05:13And worse still, a choice of only two alcoholic beverages.
05:16Cinzano, Bianco or Advoca.
05:18It's a human tragedy.
05:20No lager?
05:22There is nothing unmanly in howling like a hungry prairie dog.
05:25No lager?
05:27All the supplies on B deck were destroyed, sir.
05:29There wasn't even any wreckage. No debris. Zip.
05:32God.
05:34A few beers and a curry.
05:36It was the highlight of my week.
05:38I used to look forward to curry night too, sir.
05:41Seeing your little face all happy and smiling.
05:44Come rain or shine, we'd always make time for curry night.
05:47Every Friday.
05:49Saturday? Sunday.
05:51Tuesday. Wednesday.
05:53Thursday.
05:55Always the same meal, three papadums with mango chutney.
05:58Those little onions.
06:00Dill pickle.
06:02That Dayglo green mint sauce that just doesn't wash out.
06:04And that weird red stuff that no-one knows what it is.
06:07Then a shami kebab starter.
06:09Followed by a chicken vindaloo, kamikaze hot,
06:12with a fire extinguisher on standby.
06:14And two scoops of kofi ice cream.
06:16And two indigestion tablets.
06:19Life without curry.
06:21It's like Laurel without Hardy.
06:23The Lone Ranger without that Indian bloke.
06:26Sir.
06:28Perhaps you could learn to love pasta.
06:32Pasta.
06:34Are you sick?
06:44You know the news?
06:46Curry supplies have been destroyed.
06:49We heard.
06:51As a mark of respect, we thought on Sunday at 12 o'clock
06:54we could have a minute's flatulence.
06:57It's nothing to you guys, is it?
06:59Curry's been my life.
07:01God, some of the nights.
07:03I remember once, on planet leave on a ride,
07:05I drank a yard of vindaloo sauce,
07:07snacked on one of those long glass tubes,
07:09and the man out on the pull, it was a bet.
07:11It's impossible for mechanoids to vomit, sir.
07:13I believe it is safe for you to continue.
07:16Went to this club, the Crazy Astro.
07:18Started dancing with this Space Corps nurse.
07:20Couldn't hear her name.
07:22Fido, was it? Lassie, possibly?
07:24She was very attractive, actually, remember?
07:26Very short skirt, little ankle bracelet.
07:28Took out her chewing gum before she ate a chicken in a basket.
07:30You know, class.
07:32All right, so she had teeth that looked like six half-open garage doors,
07:35but it was nothing a cosmetic surgeon couldn't fix in ten minutes.
07:39So what happened?
07:41Went over to her, lent her in clothes,
07:43asked her to dance.
07:45For a few seconds, she didn't answer.
07:47She was probably concussed.
07:49A yard of vindaloo sauce?
07:51You must have had breath that could shear sheep.
07:54We started to snuggle up.
07:56I'm not sure I want to hear any more of this.
07:58Then all of a sudden, a rumbling in me stomach.
08:02All I can remember is running across the dance floor,
08:05through the crowd, just made it.
08:08So you didn't get off with her?
08:10You think I got off with the loo about six hours later?
08:12When I got back to the dance floor, everyone was gone.
08:14That's a way for me to lock the club.
08:16Nearly put me off curries for life.
08:18In fact, I didn't have another one until the following night.
08:22What an enchanting little tale.
08:25Well, if you'll excuse me,
08:27I'm just off to glug a couple of yards of vindaloo sauce,
08:30then if we do happen to chance across Planet of the Snooty Sex Sirens,
08:33I can't miss.
08:35Sir, I suggest we carry out a thorough inspection of the ship.
08:39The altercation with our future selves
08:41caused dimensional anomalies
08:43which have expanded the cargo deck by 212%.
08:46We should ascertain that the new structures are stable.
08:52Time has returned to the point
08:54before we discovered the time machine, right?
08:56So what's to stop us going back on board the Gemini 12
08:59and picking it up all over again?
09:01We have to avoid all forms of time travel.
09:04It's the only way of breaking our destiny line
09:06and ensuring we don't end up like our future selves.
09:08Yeah, but surely we can use a time drive if we're careful.
09:11You know, if we don't abuse it in the way our future selves did.
09:14You know, if we're sensible and mature.
09:16And do what?
09:18Go back in time to an Indian takeaway and order 500 curries.
09:21Sir, the scheme is irresponsible, moronic and preposterous.
09:25All your hallmarks, bud.
09:27Look, one really big takeaway order once every two years
09:30and our problems are over.
09:32Your problems are over. Our problems are just beginning.
09:34What about causality?
09:36Interfering in the past, no matter how minutely,
09:38always alters the present, cause and effect.
09:41Look, I'm a curry-aholic.
09:43I've only got two taste buds that work.
09:45I need curry.
09:47We can't afford to take any more chances.
09:50I say the time drive stays where it is.
09:52Now, you know I'd rather wear sideways-pressed flares
09:55and a clip-on polyester tie than agree with Gopal's head.
09:58But this time he's right.
10:00Oh, OK. OK.
10:09Since that completes the B-deck inspection, sirs,
10:12permission to off-line for the next 12 hours
10:15while I discard some old cache files.
10:17How come you need more memory?
10:19Over the years, you've had more RAM than a field of sheep.
10:23My head is littered with unnecessary information, sir.
10:26The ability to sing the Bay City Roller's greatest hits
10:29is no longer a priority.
10:31For most cultural purposes,
10:33the B-deck is the only place in the world
10:35where memory is no longer a priority.
10:37For most cultural purposes,
10:39crooning Bye Bye Baby is more than sufficient.
10:41This clean-up thing, how does it work exactly?
10:44I simply attach my RAM to the ship's computer
10:46and download the unwanted files into its trash file.
10:49Your RAM's in your head, isn't it?
10:51So you won't actually be using your body then?
10:53Why do you ask?
10:55Just interested. Robotics.
10:57It's fascinating, isn't it?
11:35CRUNCH!
11:36CRUNCH!
11:37CRUNCH!
11:38CRUNCH!
11:39CRUNCH!
11:40CRUNCH!
11:41CRUNCH!
11:42CRUNCH!
11:43CRUNCH!
11:44CRUNCH!
11:45CRUNCH!
11:46CRUNCH!
11:47CRUNCH!
11:48CRUNCH!
11:49CRUNCH!
11:50CRUNCH!
11:51CRUNCH!
11:52CRUNCH!
11:53CRUNCH!
11:54My heavens, I'm head to head.
11:56Shh!
11:57This is only temporary.
11:59I don't understand.
12:00Look, I want to go back in time on a curry hunt.
12:02Crichton said no way.
12:03What do you say?
12:04I can't go behind Crichton's head.
12:05What would he say if he found out?
12:07It's deceitful, wrong, and dishonest.
12:11I'm in.
12:12Those are emotions I've longed to experience.
12:14But first you'll have to override my guilt chip
12:16and disable my behavior protocols.
12:18Okay, show me how.
12:19Press the skull release catch behind my right ear.
12:22Okay, here we go.
12:34My guilt chip.
12:41No behavior protocols.
12:43Just call me badass.
12:53No!
12:56I feel great.
12:58Got all the beauty sleep I needed.
13:00Stayed awake all night.
13:02Hey, that smells good.
13:03What's for brekkie?
13:04Waffles, sir.
13:05Dripping in honey and jam with three fried eggs on the side
13:08coated in cheese.
13:10That sounds about as healthy as jumping off a cliff.
13:12Healthy?
13:13Who cares?
13:14Pork away!
13:23So, um, Crichton, now that you've had time to think,
13:27what about that curry hunt of the 22nd century?
13:30Oh, I meant to mention that, yes.
13:32I overreacted yesterday.
13:33On reflection, I think it would be quite safe.
13:35Safe?
13:36What about causality?
13:37Causality, well, okay, you know, one event causes another.
13:40Okay, but sometimes you've just got to say
13:42the laws of time and space.
13:44Who gives a smeg?
13:45I'll think about it.
13:47You've just got to say the laws of time and space.
13:49Who gives a smeg?
13:51I think what Crichton's trying to say is...
13:54You're smoking!
13:55Oh, is my generator overheating again?
13:57A cigarette.
13:58Do you want one?
13:59Of course I don't want one.
14:00Do you want me to go outside?
14:01I think what Crichton's trying to say is
14:03that it's okay to go back in time
14:05and order a small lakesworth of vindaloo to go.
14:08Isn't that right?
14:09You bet your ass.
14:10Okay, so let's navigate those reality bubbles
14:12and do it Crichton.
14:13Can I have a word?
14:18Look, what is wrong with you?
14:20You don't smoke, you never say bet your ass
14:23and you never use your groinal attachment
14:25to stare at anybody's teeth.
14:27I didn't get any error command.
14:29Because you've got no behaviour protocols, you spammy.
14:32Get a grip or we'll be rumbled.
14:38So uptight.
14:48Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm.
14:50Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm.
14:52Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm.
14:54Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm.
14:56Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm.
14:58Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm.
15:00What is wrong with that demented tonka toy now?
15:03He's just got a bit of a bio glitch in his transponder calibrations.
15:06It's only temporary.
15:08Hey, Mr Time Drive.
15:11Okay, Crichton, we've got the Taj Mahal Tandoori restaurant
15:15behind the JMC building in London.
15:17Back table, quiet.
15:19I'll need a moment to acquaint myself with the controls.
15:22But you've used it before. Have I?
15:24Oh, yes, of course I have.
15:26Sorry, stupid of me.
15:28Just programming it now, matey boy.
15:45APPLAUSE
16:10Nice landing, Crichton.
16:12That was about as smooth as Egyptian whiskey.
16:15Apologies, sir. I'm not sure what I did then.
16:18This isn't right. Where are we?
16:20According to the Time Drive,
16:22the date is November 22, 1963,
16:25and we're in the city of Dallas.
16:27How come?
16:29Give me that thing.
16:31I've always been a bit of a technical whiz
16:34when it comes to these kind of gizmos.
16:38You're right. Dallas, 63.
16:40No doubt about it.
16:44Dallas.
16:45Wasn't that the place where that American king got assassinated?
16:48JFK.
16:50No, it was John something, not Jeff K.
16:52JFK, not Jeff K, you gimboid.
16:56Like the airport. I did a paper on him at school.
16:59I wonder why anyone would want to name their kid after an airport.
17:02Heathrow Lister, John Paul Georgian Ringway.
17:05Well, actually, that could work.
17:08The airport was named after the president.
17:11Oh, right. So it didn't do 20th-century history at my school.
17:14It didn't seem interesting to me.
17:16I mean, apart from nuclear fusion and some really snazzy car adverts,
17:19they did nothing.
17:21The last human being alive,
17:23and he's got less brains than a macaque rhesus monkey
17:26after the first course of a Vietnamese wedding banquet.
17:29SCREAMING
17:37SCREAMING
17:46Where did this gunman dude shoot from exactly, anyway?
17:50Well, if my histo-chip serves me correctly,
17:53the gunman's location was in the Texas Book Depository.
18:02SCREAMING
18:07SCREAMING
18:23It was probably from this very window.
18:25Do you reckon?
18:33Hey, what's this?
18:38Hey! There's something on the end of this! Give me a hand!
18:43Pull it over the other end, Trumbull!
18:46SCREAMING
18:48SCREAMING
18:55Hey, what's going on down there?
18:58What are all those people doing gathered round that giant pizza?
19:02That is not a giant pizza, sir.
19:05It's eight foot across, man. You don't think that's giant?
19:08What kind of pizza house have you been going to?
19:11The Fat Bastardery?
19:13Hey! Look at this!
19:16I think we just pulled the gunman out of the window!
19:19FBI! Drop the gun!
19:23Hands on heads!
19:25We're hereby charged with the murder of Lee Harvey Oswald,
19:28who valiantly tried to foil your attempt to assassinate the President.
19:31Thanks to Mr Oswald, the President is alive,
19:33but wounded.
19:35What is that? Some kind of weapon?
19:37Kick it over here!
19:50Nice one, Kreutz.
19:52Where are we? It says 1966.
19:55I must have prodded us forward three years.
19:57At least it'll give us time to analyse the original error.
20:03Hey! There's nobody here.
20:06The entire city's deserted.
20:15I don't understand it.
20:17What would they say of Kennedy's life?
20:19Is that bad? What kind of a dude was he?
20:22He was a fine man.
20:24Look!
20:28Can you get anything for us from his scent?
20:33Mail.
20:37Mid-30s.
20:38Last meal?
20:40A salt beef sandwich with extra mayo and a gherkin.
20:43Smoker.
20:45Starched shirt?
20:47Probably married.
20:49Eric White. Single, vegetarian,
20:52and chairman of the Anti-Smoking League.
20:55I bet I'm right about the gherkin, though.
20:58Looks like he was trampled to death. There's not a stampede.
21:04Just processing.
21:06I'll reroute the results through my chest monitor.
21:11President Kennedy was impeached in 1964
21:14for sharing a mistress with Mafia boss Sam Giancana.
21:18It was the biggest scandal in American history.
21:21Kennedy was sentenced to three years in an open prison in July 65.
21:26J. Edgar Hoover became president.
21:28He was forced to run by the mob,
21:30who had pictures of him at a transvestite orgy.
21:34So America had a president controlled by the Mafia.
21:37Soon after his election,
21:39the USSR were allowed to install a nuclear base in Cuba
21:42in return for Mafia cocaine trafficking between Cuba and the States.
21:46With a Soviet nuclear base 30 miles from the US mainland,
21:50people fled from all the major cities.
21:53So am I right in thinking there's a chance
21:55I could get a major nuclear explosion all over this suit?
21:58Because I'm telling you guys, that stuff does not dry clean.
22:01Back to Starbucks.
22:03Starbucks isn't there. It doesn't exist.
22:05What? How come?
22:07Best guess, Kennedy's impeachment in 1964 traumatised the American nation,
22:11allowing the USSR to win the space race.
22:14In this reality, it was probably the Russians
22:16who were the first to land on the moon.
22:18So we're marooned.
22:20How was I supposed to know a chicken vindaloo was going to cause all this?
22:24But you guys said Kennedy was a great prez.
22:27He was. He was also an inveterate womaniser.
22:30His affairs were legendary. They never came out when he was alive.
22:33Every man has his weak spot. Here's Achilles' heel.
22:36Kennedy's was just higher up.
22:39If I knew this was going to happen,
22:41I would have had an egg sarnie and finished the cinzano.
22:44Crichton, what have I done, man?
22:47You've brought the 20th century to the very brink of extinction, sir.
22:51Gum? What is wrong with you? Where is your compassion?
22:55You've got as much warmth as a service station chip.
22:59That's right, you've got no behaviour protocols, have you?
23:02And you thought causality didn't matter?
23:05Every action we take has trillions of implications.
23:08How come you forgot that?
23:10No, I didn't forget, sir. I just didn't care. I've got no guilt.
23:13Ah. I'll nick Crichton's body.
23:16That's spearhead two. I'll remove this guilt chip.
23:20You have altered the entire course of civilisation
23:24from the 20th century onwards.
23:26You've brought the world to the brink of nuclear war, and worst of all...
23:29I know, I know. I'm starving at the curry.
23:32No, worst of all, the time drive has frozen.
23:35Let me see.
23:39Do you think it's because the subspace conduits
23:42have locked with the transponder calibrations
23:44and caused a major tachyon surge that has overloaded the time matrix?
23:47No, sir. I've just been jabbing it too hard.
23:51So what now?
23:55We need to have time to work out how to unfreeze it.
23:58I suggest we set up camp here for the night
24:00and perhaps Crichton can go and look for some food.
24:02I'm on my way, sir.
24:07How can the same guy be an icon in one reality
24:10and a criminal in the next for doing exactly the same things?
24:13In one reality, he wasn't caught.
24:15Yeah, but was he a good guy or not a good guy?
24:17Both.
24:19But somewhere along the way, just like me,
24:21he disabled his guilt chip and discarded his behaviour protocols.
24:24Power corrupts.
24:26Is that true? Can you be two things simultaneously?
24:29Take you, sir. In some ways, you're bright, sensitive and caring.
24:33In other ways, you're an irresponsible, curry-obsessed moron.
24:37Thanks, Crane.
24:39That's... Well, yeah.
24:42It's hopeless. I can't fix it.
24:45We're trapped.
24:50Chicken's good. Yeah, it's pretty good.
24:54That's not chicken, sirs.
24:56What is it?
24:58It's that man we found. It's Eric.
25:01What?
25:03Well, it seems such a waste to just leave him lying there
25:05when he barbecues so beautifully.
25:09Did I do wrong? I didn't get any error commands.
25:12Obviously, I thought about it,
25:14because without my guilt chip or moral imperatives,
25:16I had nothing to guide me.
25:18But it seemed to me that if humanoids eat chicken,
25:21then obviously they'd eat their own species.
25:23Otherwise, they'd just be picking on the chickens.
25:26One minute you're down, the next you're right back up again.
25:30And I just said I was enjoying that.
25:32I knew it didn't smell right.
25:34Oh, my God!
25:37Oh, my God!
25:42Look. Right, let's get out of here.
25:45I badly need to floss a piece of roasted dead person out of my teeth.
25:50Where to?
25:52Hawaii. Let's catch some surf.
25:55No, no.
25:57We've got to go back and stop ourselves interfering with the assassination.
26:01I don't care where we go, as long as it's before we had dinner.
26:12Decorators, try up on the sixth floor.
26:21Isn't this sick?
26:23Let me just stand them by and allow the President to be killed.
26:25Not if you're Eric Wyden, eh?
26:27To think, Eric's out there right now without any idea
26:31that one day he'll become a between-meals snack that does ruin your appetite.
26:36Unless we put things back the way they were.
26:43Stand back, sir.
26:45Our original selves are about to beam in.
26:47When they realize their mistake, they'll beam out again.
26:49I propose we go down to the fourth.
26:55First shot.
26:59It doesn't smell right. I think he's missed.
27:02How come?
27:03He's right, sir. By sending Oswald up to the sixth,
27:05we've made the trajectory of his shot so steep,
27:08he's only got one shot left.
27:10The trajectory of his shot's so steep, he's only wounded him.
27:13Let's start again and bring him back down to the fifth.
27:16We can't use the fifth.
27:17Our original selves are destined to beam in there as he fires his third shot,
27:20and this version of us is now on the fourth.
27:22We've been copied more times than that poster of the tennis girl scratching her butt.
27:27If we could arrange somehow for a second gunman
27:29to fire from just behind that little hill over there, covered in lawn.
27:32You mean the, er, the grassy knoll, sir?
27:35Yeah, that'd solve it, wouldn't it?
27:37And shoot the press? Who?
27:39You can count me out. And me.
27:43Hang on. Maybe.
27:46Just maybe there's someone who can get us out of this mess.
27:49Where are we going?
27:50Idlewild Airport, July 65.
28:10This is Wright. He's been escorted to Hoover Open Prison in New York.
28:14Give me five minutes.
28:20Don't be alarmed, sir, but I have a very strange tale to tell.
28:24I, er, have had plenty of time to reflect on my days in the White House.
28:29In all important respects, I believe I did a good job.
28:32It was right to plan a pull-out of Vietnam,
28:35to fight for civil rights and to fight Congress to put a man on the moon.
28:40It was wrong, however,
28:42to act like an irresponsible jackass with all those women
28:47and allow my enemies to wreak havoc on our nation.
28:51But I can help, man. I mean, Mr President, man. I mean, sir.
28:55How can you help?
28:58Well, come with us back to Dallas on November 63.
29:01Be a second gunman.
29:03Be a second gunman.
29:05The gunman behind the grassy knoll.
29:08You mean...assassinate myself?
29:12Yeah. It'll drive the conspiracy nuts crazy, but they'll never figure it out.
29:17But I still have a future here.
29:20Jackie left me, but when I get out,
29:23I can still make a contribution to the world.
29:27See this airport? Idlewild Airport.
29:30In our reality, they renamed it JFK, after you.
29:34Where I come from, you're a liberal icon, and that's the person you should be.
29:38But if you're going to be that person, you're going to have to sacrifice your life.
29:43And only then will my reputation be restored in history.
29:47Mm. And I can get a smeg and curry.
29:52Ask not what your country can do for you.
29:56Ask what you can do for your country.
29:59Hey, that'd make a pretty neat speech, that.
30:02It did.
30:30I, uh...
30:32thank you all for giving me the opportunity to, uh, be reborn.
30:59Smeg?
31:01I forgot to ask if there are any curry houses in Dallas.
31:08WHISTLE BLOWS
31:11Argh!
31:30Right, Crikey, same drill.
31:32You measure the output voltage, I'll note the reading.
31:35Just give me a second to get in position.
31:40Right, in your own time.
31:55Well?
31:57350 volts, sir. Same as the others.
32:00Not that one, then. Still, we're narrowing it down.
32:03Just 17 more to go.
32:05Sir, might I suggest that we use an actual voltmeter as opposed to, well, using me?
32:10Oh, too good to be a voltmeter now, are we?
32:13I don't know, one morning spent poncing around without your guilt chip,
32:16and suddenly you think you're some hoity-toity robo-god
32:19instead of the lashed-together Meccano gimboid that you are.
32:22Oh, if you want me to be a voltmeter, I'm only too happy to be of service.
32:25Why, if you ask me to remove my head and turn it into a chemical toilet
32:28complete with working flush, I'd be equally honoured.
32:31It's just that firing my eyes out of my head at the speed of sound
32:34does invalidate my DivaDroid service guarantee.
32:37I would hate to malfunction and you not get a full refund.
32:40I mean, wouldn't that just be so annoying?
32:43I am a total twonk.
32:45How can I have been such a saliva-dribbling, moronic, brain-frozen putzy little smagger?
32:50It's good, that book on self-enlightenment, isn't it?
32:53The curry supplies. There was no debris.
32:56Don't you get it? No little bits of float and crate.
32:59They weren't destroyed in the flood.
33:01Well, what happened to them, then?
33:03I took them. At some point in the future, I must go back to the past
33:07and bring all the curry supplies to the present. Capisce?
33:11Of course! Oh, it's so simple,
33:13even a half-concussed gym teacher could understand it.
33:16This is the last jaunt. I promise.
33:19No, absolutely not. A senior technician on this ship, I forbid it.
33:22Do you hear me? I absolutely forbid it.
33:28What is the point of me being his superior officer
33:31if he never obeys a single command?
33:33He hasn't even got the good manners to let me court-martial him,
33:36not even when I ask him nicely.
33:38We might as well have a melon in command.
33:40I thought we had, sir.
33:42Oh, I see. Sorry, sir.
33:44The voltage must have corrupted my comprehension unit.
33:48Stand back! Sounds like something's coming in.
34:05Yes!
34:07This thing is amazing.
34:09If only we could use it to get us back to Earth on time.
34:12Sir, you saw the havoc we caused in Dallas
34:15in the first two seconds of our arrival.
34:17Heaven knows what we'd reduce civilisation to
34:20if we lived in the past permanently.
34:22He's right. We don't want any more idiotic gaffes until...
34:25Think we can make it to half-four?
34:30You know, I must have passed this thing a million times.
34:33What the hell's it for?
34:46Oh, nice going on the idiotic gaffes front, sir.
34:50We almost lasted a full five seconds there.
34:52Right, and surely you're not implying that was accidental?
34:55I've had that little ace up my sleeve for months.
35:15WHIRRING
35:31They're not coming back.
35:34I'm lost in deep space,
35:36over three million years from home.
35:39No life, no bird, no nothing.
35:43Just me and three-and-a-half tonnes of curry.
35:48Van Smegantastic.
36:13MUSIC PLAYS
36:44MUSIC CONTINUES
37:03EXPLOSION
37:13MUSIC STOPS