Cartoon Planet Cartoon Planet E011 Goin’ Ape
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00:00I bumped into this big shot TV guy I know
00:02He said I'm really desperate, would you like to host a show?
00:06I says I'm kinda busy here, saving the world from crime
00:09But if the money's right then buddy, show me where to sign
00:13Show him where to sign
00:14I knew I'd need some co-hosts, or I would surely fail
00:18I remembered I had Bracken, Zorak locked up in my jail
00:21Hello
00:21I told them all about the show, they were happy as can be
00:24Yeah right
00:25The show is Cartoon Planet and the rest is history
00:28Oui, oui, oui, oui, oui
00:30Cartoon Planet's starring me
00:32And me
00:32And me
00:36You know Zorak, life is good
00:42Darn good
00:45Pretty, mighty, awfully darn good I'd say, right?
00:49Whatever you say Mary Sunshine
00:51You know why life is good? Do you know why?
00:54Do you want me to tell you why?
00:57Alright, I'll tell you why
00:59Because I just stopped by the mail room to pick up my weekly reader
01:02And the Cartoon Planet fan mail was piled up clear to the ceiling
01:06You know what that means
01:07Uh, pork chops for everybody?
01:09Nope, it means somebody's actually watching the show
01:13Holy guacamole
01:15That means we have fans
01:16Crazy rampaging fans who will follow us devotedly to the ends of the earth
01:20Oh, like the Grateful Dead
01:22Of course they'll be grateful
01:24And they'll be dying to see us when we go on tour
01:28We're going on tour?
01:29Nope, but if we did, they'd be out there screaming and chanting
01:32We want Space Ghost, we want Space Ghost
01:35Hey, what about me?
01:37Well, I suppose there'd be a few Twisted Sisters out there chanting
01:40We want Zorak
01:41Space Ghost, have you ever bothered to read the fan mail?
01:45Read it? No
01:46Don't we have people who do that?
01:49Little people?
01:49Yeah, well, next time you have a minute
01:52Ask one of the little people who those fan letters are for
01:55But they're for me, aren't they?
01:57A few of them are, sure
01:59A few of them are for me, too
02:01But most of those fan letters are for Brack
02:06No, take it back
02:07I can't take it back, it's true
02:10Brack is...
02:12Hey, I don't know what it is about him
02:14I can't put my finger on it
02:15I'm not sure I want to
02:17But whatever it is he's got, I'll tell you what
02:20The chicks dig him
02:51Those Board of Health guys wouldn't know creative cuisine if it bit them
03:06Hey, what's the big deal?
03:07So few people got a tummy ache
03:13Well, they're moving around pretty good now
03:15Except for that Garber guy
03:17Poor Garber
03:19Jeez, tough break
03:21How was I supposed to know he was allergic to cats?
03:27I think you're supposed to cook the pork
03:29Now you tell me
03:49I'm ramblin'
03:50Ramble, ramble, ramblin'
03:53Ramblin' everywhere I go
03:58I rambled down to visit with Mary Jane
04:02But she's up and moved away and changed her name
04:06So I go ramblin'
04:08Yeah, ramblin'
04:11I'm just a ramblin' guy
04:15I'm wanderin'
04:17Yeah, wanderin'
04:20Wanderin' here and there
04:24And I'm wonderin'
04:26Yeah, boy, I'm wanderin'
04:29If I pack me enough underwear
04:33I wander down to visit with Agnes Rose
04:37She slams the door so hard on me it breaks my nose
04:41Yeah, I go wanderin'
04:44My, oh, my
04:46I'm just a wanderin' guy, oh, yeah
04:51Just a ramblin' wanderin' guy
04:58Tip your waitstaff
05:01Now, here's a tasty little nugget of joy from Zorak
05:05The Praying Mantis
05:07Known in the scientific community as Mantis Religiosa
05:11makes a great house pet
05:13Not only do we devour lots of other annoying insects
05:17we're also pretty good conversationalists
05:19if I do say so myself
05:20Which reminds me, my favorite plant is the cactus
05:24I like it because it's green
05:26has long prickly thorns which grow all over its surface
05:29and because it grows and flourishes in the otherwise dry
05:32hot barren wasteland of the desert
05:35I also like it because from time to time
05:37they produce large, white, beautiful flowers
05:41What can I say? Everybody likes flowers
05:44Even us evildoers
05:48Mailman Day, Mailman Day
05:52Hey, everybody, it's Mailman Day
05:56Here's a letter from John Vidi, Watertown, Massachusetts
06:00Dear Space Ghost, Wonder Woman is at the front door
06:03Batgirl is at the back door
06:05Where do you go first?
06:08Wonder Woman is hot
06:10Yeah, but Batgirl's old man is Police Commissioner
06:15Commissioner Gordon
06:17So, when the old geezer retires...
06:20Ooh, Commissioner Space Ghost
06:23Exactly
06:25Here's another letter
06:27Dear Space Ghost, you are a cool dude
06:30Me and the Martians I live with think that your show is the coolest
06:34I love the crinket-looking guy and the predator-looking guy
06:38I'll keep drinking gravy and kicking back while I watch your spiffy show
06:43Signed, David Thompson, Indianapolis, Indiana
06:47Also known as the King of Cheez Whiz
06:50Obviously a crackpot
06:52I don't have anything to add to that
06:54Good
06:55Here's a letter from Spencer Sun, Novato, California
06:59Dear Space Ghost, I wear a pantsuit and a cape
07:03I wear a pantsuit and a cape
07:07Let's all say it
07:08I wear a pantsuit and a cape
07:12I wear a pantsuit and a cape
07:17I wear a pantsuit and a cape
07:25No
07:25I wear a pantsuit and a cape
07:56I like to climb on things
07:58Can I have a banana?
07:59Eek, eek!
08:00I got an F
08:02When I told my mom about it, she said
08:04I told you never trust a monkey!
08:07The end
08:13Is it fun being on the TV?
08:17Well, um, I'll tell you, uh, buddy
08:19Uh, see, there's these lights, uh, up above me that shine down on me all the time
08:24And I'm just, I'm always, I sweat a lot
08:28And it gets really hot in this stupid mask
08:30And sometimes I want to take it off
08:32But then, then the makeup person says
08:33Hey, don't, you're ugly
08:36And I say, but I'm not ugly
08:38And she says, no, you don't know it
08:40But you are
08:42And so, uh, then, you know, uh
08:45Oh, one time when I was on TV, I'm telling you, boy
08:49It was just
08:51I usually take the bus to work
08:54And, well, see, they didn't
08:56I got to work and they didn't have my pineapple
09:00And I was like, where's my pineapple?
09:02And they said, well, Mr. Brock, we don't have your pineapple today
09:06We ran out
09:06And I'm like, well, what do you know about that?
09:10You think I'm going to go out on stage without my pineapple?
09:13You think I'm going to do that?
09:14Come on!
09:15It's in my contract that I have to have a pineapple
09:20And I didn't have the pineapple
09:22So, you know, my day was shot
09:24So I called my agent
09:26He said, well, hey, babe, that's the way it goes in the show business
09:29And I said, that is not the way it should go
09:34A guy's got to have his pineapple
09:37What's going to happen to the world if I don't get my pineapple?
09:40Because if I don't get my pineapple, I don't get my vitamin C
09:44And if I don't get my vitamin C, then I can't work anymore!
09:49Stupid agent, you're fired!
09:52I'm all worked up now
09:55I've got to go outside
10:01Mailman Day, Mailman Day
10:04Hey, everybody, it's Mailman Day
10:09Hello, Space Ghost
10:10My name is Chris Funk from Ferndale, Washington
10:14I'm really funky like you
10:16I think Zorak is a doo-doo head
10:19Doo-doo head? No, that hurts
10:21By the way, do you like to do the Mambo?
10:25Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun
10:27Stop it!
10:29Here's a letter sent by Brandy and Carrie from Kansas
10:33Dear Zorak, I am 19 and so is my roommate
10:36We are both waitresses and college students
10:39We watch your show all the time
10:41We wish we could find a stuffed toy of Zorak because he is so cute
10:46What a cute little guy!
10:48Cute as a button! Just look at him!
10:50I want to cuddle him
10:52You can't conquer anyone when you're cute
10:55I mean, how would it look?
10:57You land on a planet with a thousand or so evil henchmen
11:00And all you hear is,
11:01Look at the cute little green invaders
11:04Have you ever seen such lovable little munchkins?
11:08Sheesh!
11:11I'm cute and I don't care who knows it!
11:19Mashed potatoes
11:21Hey, sweet potatoes
11:25Baked potatoes
11:27Potato chips
11:30Whoa!
11:31Smoked sausage
11:33Fried chicken
11:36Pepperoni pizza
11:39And Delorean chips
11:42Nobody can make a donut
11:45Do the thing you do
11:48Believe me, baby, believe me, baby
11:51I've tried quite a few
11:54I've eaten meatballs in Sweden
11:57And pork chops in Peru
12:00But all it did, all it did, all it did, all it did, all it did
12:04Was remind me of you, baby
12:07And your mashed potatoes
12:10Sweet potatoes
12:11Oh, baby
12:13Pasty butter
12:16Roses are red, roses are blue
12:20It's time for Bullet's Corner
12:24Yahoo!
12:46I love your hills
12:48And I love your dales
12:50And I love your flocks of bleating
12:53But oh!
12:55Unheathered lie together
12:59With both our hearts a-beating
13:03Yeah, baby!
13:15Age 29
13:17Is that right?
13:19He's a big boy
13:21Okay
13:22Let's see what the 29-year-old writes
13:25Once upon a time, before the revolution
13:27There was a fur trapper named Skunky
13:30Who wandered the frontier with his pachyderm, Pudley
13:33I skins him and trobes him
13:35Oh, Pudley
13:36Skunky would say
13:38Ah!
13:39Pudley would reply
13:41Ah!
13:42One day, Skunky decided he didn't want to be a fur trapper anymore
13:46Ah!
13:47Which meant, that's fine by me, said Pudley
13:50And that's how Skunky the fur trapper became
13:53General George Washington
13:56The end
13:58Hey, Zorak, who's on first?
14:00What?
14:01No, no, no
14:02Who is on first?
14:04Huh?
14:05Who's on first, Zorak?
14:07I don't even know what you're talking about
14:09He's not on first
14:10Who is, you big dummy?
14:12You know, Space Ghost
14:14Sometimes, I just don't get you
14:18Quick, Zorak, yes means no and no means yes
14:20Should I destroy you?
14:21No
14:22No
14:23Yes
14:24Yes
14:25I don't know
14:26Time's a-wasting, son
14:29Last night, I had this dream
14:31That I went to Earth
14:33And I was there
14:35And I walked around on the street
14:37And this guy came up to me and he said
14:39Hey, you know what?
14:41You look like somebody familiar
14:43And I said, well, my name is Brack
14:45And he said, no, that's not it
14:47You look like my friend from high school
14:51And I said, well, what if I am?
14:53And he said, well, do you remember Sheila Darnworth?
14:57And I said, um, no
15:00And he said, well, she was your girlfriend
15:03And I said, well, I really only had imaginary girlfriends
15:08I don't know any Sheila Darnworth
15:10And he said, but you gotta know Sheila Darnworth, man
15:14She was your girlfriend
15:16And I said, hey, hey, I don't know you
15:20He said, hey, I know you
15:22And I said, no, really, get out of my face
15:25And then I woke up
15:28Got a problem? I'm listening
15:31The kids at school don't like me
15:32My girlfriend says I smell
15:34The teachers say I'm lazy
15:36Sometimes I want to yell
15:38Zorak, can you help me?
15:41Sure, kid, just tell ol' Zorak, now what's your problem?
15:45This mask is really itchy
15:46My underwear's too tight
15:48No one understands me
15:50Yeah, right
15:52Now it's time for Zorak's help quiz
15:55Zorak, here's a caller with a question
15:58Okay
15:59Zorak, is that really you?
16:01Yes, I think so
16:03I want to ask you something
16:04I'm listening
16:05My folks always say it's better to be nice to people
16:08But you're never nice to anybody
16:10So what?
16:11But you seem to be doing pretty good
16:13Oh, yeah, I'm doing great
16:15Held captive in this stinking prison pod
16:18Working for Space Ghost
16:20No TV, no outside play
16:23No birthday parties
16:25Every day I pay the piper for not being nice to people
16:28Zorak
16:29Yeah, what is it?
16:30I really think you could be nice if you tried
16:33You really think so?
16:35Why don't you try?
16:36Okay
16:37Uh, Space Ghost
16:39Uh, you look lovely today
16:42Oh, my
16:44And you don't smell very bad either
16:47Why, thank you
16:48And your big fat head doesn't look as big and fat
16:53You see, you can be nice
16:56We'll be back next week, same time, for more of Zorak's Helpful Hints
17:00Bye now, fat head
17:26Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
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