First broadcast 5th March 2010.
David Mitchell
Clive Anderson
Sarah Millican
Andy Hamilton
David Mitchell
Clive Anderson
Sarah Millican
Andy Hamilton
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Take three celebrities, send them off to a remote house in the country, then seal them
00:13in.
00:14With no computers, TVs, newspapers or mobile phones, they'll be completely cut off from
00:19the outside world.
00:21So how will they know what's been going on while they've been in... the bubble?
00:28Good evening, I'm David Mitchell and welcome to The Bubble, the show where we ask three
00:36celebrities to spend the week completely cut off from the outside world.
00:40No newspapers, no TV, no internet, nothing.
00:43So they won't know what Gordon Brown learnt this week, that it is possible for a Labour
00:46Party leader to get positive headlines from the Sun, the Mail and the Telegraph, but only
00:51if you die.
00:53Before we return them to the bosom of their indifferent families, we're going to show
00:57them a selection of news reports.
00:58Some of them are genuine, some of them have been faked, but will they be able to tell
01:02the difference?
01:03So, let's meet tonight's guests.
01:05Straight from the bubble, please welcome Andy Hamilton, Sarah Millican and Clive Anderson.
01:09Hello, good evening and welcome.
01:26How are you all?
01:27We're fine, aren't we?
01:28We've had a very jolly time.
01:29Thank you very much.
01:30Have you?
01:31Yes.
01:32And you've really been totally cut off from the news media?
01:33Completely.
01:34Yes.
01:35Absolutely.
01:36Is there anything you'd like to have happened while you've been away?
01:40I was hoping that things might have moved on and be a bit more, sort of, futuristic.
01:43You know, like, you know, hoverboards and silver outfits and tablets instead of meals
01:49and that, but it doesn't...
01:50Not that I've seen so far, it doesn't seem to have happened.
01:53Right.
01:54It probably has, marginally.
01:55But was it like Narnia for you, then?
01:58This has.
01:59It seems like you've been away for...
02:00We were just in a wardrobe, yes.
02:01There must have been some sort of odd headlines that we've missed, like, you know, Chelsea
02:06player found in bed with his own wife, something like that.
02:11MP pays for his own second house, you know.
02:14Something like that?
02:15Well, I can't tell you.
02:17No, of course not.
02:18I've never been this way.
02:19That would ruin the programme.
02:20And, Andy, your experience of the bubble has been brought forward a week, hasn't it?
02:23Because of the unfortunate falling down of stairs of poor Sue Perkins.
02:27Which I had nothing to do with, by the way.
02:29It's just the way you inflected that was...
02:30No, no.
02:31Absolutely not.
02:32No, we're just sorry that it didn't happen in the house, because it would have made a
02:36great television.
02:37Yeah.
02:38I didn't realise it wasn't Sue Perkins for a couple of days, so I thought...
02:43She's not looking quite as good as she used to, no disrespect to Andy, but...
02:49That's definitely an ungallant remark, darling.
02:52You should say that Sue is fine and does not look like Andy Hamilton.
02:56And will be on next week instead.
03:00Anyway, let us begin.
03:03I'm about to show you a selection of news stories, TV reports, headlines and newspaper
03:07articles from recent days.
03:09All you have to do is decide which are the real stories and which are the fakes.
03:12What could be simpler than that?
03:13So let's start with some TV news stories.
03:16You're going to see three news reports, but only one of them is real and has been broadcast
03:20while you were inside the bubble.
03:22The other two are fakes.
03:23Can you spot the real story?
03:24Let's have a look at story A.
03:25A small village shop in the heart of the Yorkshire countryside with a difference.
03:34Every Monday, owners Brian and Rachel get naked to raise money for the local hospice.
03:39Now they've been warned to keep their clothes on or face legal action for breaching health
03:45and safety rules.
03:46When the man from the local council came round, he told us we couldn't do it for health and
03:50safety reasons.
03:52We were shocked.
03:53It's an easy way of raising money for the local charity.
03:57Locals have mixed feelings about Mooney Mondays as it has now become known.
04:01I think it's disgusting.
04:03It's so unhygienic.
04:04I think it's fantastic.
04:06It's raising money for charity and if anybody's got a problem with that, then don't come in
04:09on a Monday.
04:11Brian and Rachel have vowed to appeal and plan to carry on until a final decision is
04:16reached.
04:17So, for the next few weeks at least, it'll still be Dress Right Down Monday in Cawthorn.
04:24It'd be good if it were true, because it's a great achievement for the small shopkeeper,
04:28if I may call him that, to have something that the Tesco's and Sainsbury's haven't got
04:34in on yet.
04:35You'd like to see sort of mass nudism in large branches of Waitrose.
04:38Well, I do think it's like, I'd like to think that a shop has done something that the big,
04:43the multiples, the chains haven't done yet.
04:45Yeah.
04:47I've got expectations for Ocado, though, if, you know, will the delivery men be naked,
04:52because I'm not sure that that would be a good thing.
04:55Well...
04:56Nudity online.
04:57I think that exists.
05:00Normally, the pizza delivery boy has his clothes on when he arrives at the door and then takes
05:05it off three minutes in.
05:06So I'm told.
05:07I've heard about this stuff.
05:08Are you talking about pornography or experience of life?
05:12I'll tell you afterwards.
05:14Well, I remember you from 20 years ago, don't you, Warren?
05:1720 years ago?
05:18I...
05:19It wasn't legal.
05:20Now, I got myself off, if that's the right expression, mate.
05:29Is any of this broadcastable, by the way?
05:32Oh, yeah, no, this is all innuendo.
05:34We haven't said the word fuck.
05:37Anyway, let's have a look at story B.
05:40When a fox enters a chicken coop, he usually leaves with a full stomach, but the fox, which
05:46braved the home of Dude the Cockerel and his friends, didn't get to leave at all.
05:51The chickens, it seems, hatched a plot to murder the intruder, his hen-pecked body found
05:57in the morning by the bird's stunned owner.
06:00When I went round to the other side to check for eggs, saw the fox laying dead on the floor
06:04in the chicken house.
06:05So, I don't know how he got in, whether he pushed the flap up and then it slammed down
06:08behind him, but I just didn't know what to think.
06:11It seems this remarkable show of poultry power may have had more to do with luck than design.
06:17It appears a table in the coop was knocked over, hitting the fox on the head and knocking
06:21him out.
06:22But the chickens still showed plenty of pluck, attacking the unconscious animal with their
06:27sharp beaks, leaving a corpse to be found.
06:32Obviously, the story was covered with far less levity on Fox News.
06:40I think that's brilliant, because that's like a really unusual episode of Midsummer Murders.
06:45They could have found a dead fox and then filmed it, couldn't they?
06:50Who?
06:51The people who put together this report.
06:54Can you imagine?
06:56Can you tell that we're all a little bit disappointed that we didn't get to see a dead fox at the end?
07:00It was building up so nicely and I really gutted that it stopped.
07:04But it just showed us the effect of the Lincolnshire air.
07:06It makes people want to kill foxes.
07:08Is there a chance that the fox committed suicide?
07:11Have we looked into that as a possibility?
07:14No.
07:15No.
07:16Or the fox died of natural causes and the chickens have been fitted with a new, more
07:22Or the fox died of natural causes and the chickens have been fitted up.
07:27So you're saying that's a reverse Quincy?
07:29Yeah.
07:30Right.
07:31A reverse Quincy?
07:32Yeah, yeah.
07:33In Quincy, it's always, oh, he's killed himself or it's natural causes, and Quincy goes,
07:37no, it's murder.
07:38No, I remember when you delivered pizza all those years ago, you offered me a reverse Quincy
07:42and I didn't know then what that was.
07:47Will you never let me escape my past?
07:52All right, well, let's have a look at report C.
07:56Has he or hasn't he?
07:58It's the question all of Westminster wants answered.
08:01Rumours that began on the internet suggest David Cameron had a spray tan
08:06before his speech to the Tory conference on Sunday.
08:09They don't hand general election...
08:11Mr Cameron certainly seemed to have a healthy glow as he delivered his speech
08:16and pictures of his appearance over the past few months
08:19seem to raise questions about his ever-changing complexion.
08:23The tanning salon he allegedly visited wouldn't be drawn on the matter.
08:27Male grooming has become more and more popular over the years.
08:30I would say about 40% of our clients are male for spray tans,
08:35but it is a private matter and I'm not going to discuss who or who hasn't been in recently.
08:45The Taiwanese news though haven't been so coy.
08:49This reconstruction shows what the man who wants to be prime minister might have got up to.
08:57With image being so important in modern politics,
09:00it appears that being brown in Westminster is suddenly not so bad.
09:04After all...
09:07Well, that's Cameron thinking,
09:09how can I get a real tan on my face when the sun shines out of my arse?
09:14Andy, do you believe that potential future PM could be so vain?
09:19Oh, yeah.
09:21On the other hand, I would have thought that would be quite expensive to mock up.
09:26They did one with Brown, didn't they? Gordon Brown.
09:28Yes. And mocked him up for being angry.
09:32Is it a spraying on of colour or is it a sun ray lamp?
09:36I think it's a spraying on of colour, as the Taiwanese have demonstrated.
09:42Unless that's supposed to be a blowtorch.
09:47Well, I think the time has come to vote, so let's just quickly recap.
09:50Is it...
10:02So, which is the real story?
10:04Please vote A, B or C now.
10:09Oh, fantastic. You've all gone for different ones.
10:11Oh, great.
10:12Clive, you've gone for David Cameron had a spray tan,
10:14Sarah, the shopkeeper's banned from Naked Mondays
10:17and Andy, the chicken's murdering the fox.
10:19Well, I have to say that B is the right one.
10:22So, well done, Andy.
10:24Well done.
10:28Yes, four chickens have indeed murdered a fox in cold blood.
10:32It's not in cold blood, it's self-defence.
10:34I'm going to get the chickens off the trial if it's...
10:36If a fox comes into your chicken coop, it's kill or be killed, isn't it?
10:39Ah, but I put it to you that the fox had just entered of his own free will
10:43just to have a look around.
10:45Look at the number of previous convictions the fox had for killing.
10:49You're not allowed to bring those in at this stage, Leslie.
10:51Yes, you can, of course you can.
10:53I think we can see why Clive left the law.
10:57I think we do actually, even though it wasn't on the news,
10:59we do have a picture of the fox.
11:01There it is.
11:02Yeah, it's not that horrific.
11:03It's only horrific if there are foxes watching, isn't it?
11:06Can't you do a thing like the football results?
11:08If you're a fox, look away now.
11:11To be honest, I've never watched the football results
11:14and I'm amazed to hear that they have that.
11:16If you don't want to know the results,
11:18why are you watching the football results?
11:21You should be the judge.
11:22You're so perfect at not knowing anything about the modern world.
11:27I have heard of football.
11:29I just wish it would stop.
11:36And Clive, you went for the Cameron spray tan.
11:38I was fooled for the reason that Andy gave,
11:41that mocking it up in Taiwan,
11:43it was clearly based on the fact that that had been done
11:45for a previous story.
11:47So, OK, obviously perhaps you did do this,
11:49your programme got in touch and got them to do that.
11:51Yes, we did.
11:52We rang up the people in Taiwan
11:54and we commissioned our own animation.
11:56No, it's been spared on this programme.
11:58No, absolutely.
11:59We bought your vote.
12:00Yes.
12:01I'm very pleased with that.
12:02Well, I hope the licensed fee payers think that was worth it.
12:07Oh, God.
12:08Not them again.
12:09They're never happy.
12:12Well, anyway, at the end of that round, Andy gets a point.
12:16Very good.
12:19Right.
12:20Next, we move on to the newspapers.
12:22Three stories, and again, only one of them genuinely featured
12:25in a newspaper while you were inside the bubble.
12:27The other two are fakes.
12:28Can you tell the difference?
12:30Here's story A, the shock news that a photograph sent back
12:34by a Mars probe shows a giant gorilla.
12:38Which newspaper's that?
12:40I'll give you a clue, it wasn't the Financial Times.
12:42The Sport and the Sunday Sport used to do headlines like this years ago
12:46and they had a thing once where they said a London bus
12:49was found on the moon and everyone said,
12:51this is rubbish, this can't be right,
12:53and then the next week they wrote a story,
12:55London bus disappears from...
12:59I think it looks like the gorilla's got a bikini on.
13:02It's not much of a stretch, is it?
13:04Not only...
13:05Gorillas on Mars?
13:06Well, the fact that they wear bikinis, hasn't they?
13:09Hasn't made the universe that much odder.
13:12Tell him what your obsession is.
13:14Oh, one of my obsessions is animals in clothes, so...
13:17It's not an obsession.
13:22How many pictures have you got of them?
13:24I've got a few.
13:25Don't judge me, you drink alcohol, I don't drink alcohol,
13:28I like animals in clothes.
13:31OK, well, let's move on and have a look at story B.
13:34This is the news that Princeton University
13:38This is the news that Prince Philip was caught short
13:40while out walking on Monday and was spotted
13:42relieving himself behind a tree.
13:44The headline, the royal wee, has been used over many, many years,
13:48with anything vaguely connecting the royal family
13:50and, you know, loose or urination or anything,
13:53so that's certainly a plausible headline.
13:55How do they know he's weeing?
13:57He could be looking down at a dead fox, saying,
14:00who killed this? There's only some chickens here.
14:03Isn't the Duke of Edinburgh entitled to wee beside a tree?
14:07I think it's a territorial thing that he does, isn't it?
14:13OK, well, let's have a look at the last story, story C,
14:17which is the news that the pre-election leadership debate
14:20televised by the BBC will be hosted by Fern Britton.
14:23All right. It's a funny idea, because she did ask
14:26a very good question of Tony Blair about the Iraq war
14:30and had him sort of saying, well, of course,
14:32if there hadn't been any weapons of mass destruction,
14:34we'd have had to find other reasons.
14:36I mean, we would have argued the case in a different way,
14:39but I wonder if you're just building on that to trap us.
14:42So what's looking more plausible of the three?
14:44A photo shows a gorilla on Mars,
14:46Prince Philip snapped relieving himself behind a tree,
14:49or BBC's pre-election debate to be hosted by Fern Britton?
14:52Oh, that's difficult.
14:54Can we just go back to that nice house?
14:56Yes.
14:58When we were in there, we felt like calves or animals
15:01in a factory farm, being fed and looked after.
15:04We knew there was something horrible coming at the end of it.
15:07Artificially inseminated? That wasn't... I didn't like that bit.
15:12Artificial? How dare you?
15:16He was very tender.
15:19OK, so the time has come to vote.
15:21Is it A, photo shows a gorilla on Mars,
15:23B, Prince Philip snapped relieving himself behind a tree,
15:26or C, BBC's pre-election debate to be hosted by Fern Britton?
15:29Please vote A, B or C now.
15:33All right. Well, Andy's gone for A, the photo of the gorilla,
15:36and the other two of you have gone with Prince Philip pissing.
15:39Well, I have to say, Andy, once again, you're right.
15:42Oh, Andy, you're a genius.
15:47It was indeed the sun, and only the sun,
15:50that printed that particular news report.
15:52In case you're feeling at all sceptical about it,
15:55let me quote from the article.
15:57Could this be a giant silverback gorilla...
16:00on Mars?
16:02Isn't that a sign, no?
16:04Some space buffs reckon it is.
16:08After seeing this picture sent back by a robot vehicle
16:11probing the rocky red planet for signs of life.
16:14It continues.
16:16Enthusiast Nigel Cooper,
16:18who has studied thousands of photos taken by NASA rovers
16:21and posted online, said,
16:24It's definitely a creature of some sort.
16:26Mr Cooper, 43, of Grimsby, Lincolnshire, added,
16:32What, in Grimsby?
16:35I have now quoted the entire article.
16:42That looks as though... Now we're looking at it again.
16:45There's a track, isn't there?
16:47Presumably the rover has...
16:49Why didn't it take a photograph when it was right up against the gorilla?
16:53I think the gorilla heard the noise of the trundling buggy
16:57and only emerged subsequently,
16:59so that when the buggy was where the gorilla is,
17:01the gorilla wasn't there.
17:03The gorilla went, Oh, hang on.
17:05Not much been going on round here for a few thousand years.
17:08And none of you went for firm Britain as the new...
17:11No, that was an obvious fake. Come on.
17:13Yes, what has come out this week is the details of the three debates.
17:17There's going to be one on the BBC, one on ITV and one on Sky.
17:20There's a lot of competition between the broadcasters,
17:23so how come Channel 4 won?
17:27No commercial breaks. It's not a stipulation.
17:30ITV and Sky just said they wouldn't be able to sell any advertising.
17:35Audiences not allowed to boo or applaud.
17:38I think they put the second one in
17:40to make the politicians feel better about themselves.
17:43Who is going to be chairing the debates?
17:45They're going to be chaired by...
17:47Sorry, because I did put my application in to all three.
17:50David Dimbleby is doing the BBC one,
17:52Alastair Stewart, the ITV one,
17:54and Adam Bolton, the Sky one.
17:56And they're going to be 90 minutes long each.
17:59Wow. That's as long as a football match, isn't it?
18:01You don't even get any half-time. This is going to be ridiculous.
18:04By saying it's as long as a football match,
18:06you've made it seem even longer.
18:08Oh, I can't believe it.
18:10Oh, those football matches are so long.
18:12Oh, bloody hell.
18:14I have tried, you see. I've watched them.
18:16Have you?
18:17Yeah, like during the World Cup when it's supposed to be important.
18:20Oh, will England beat Colombia?
18:22Oh, the big clash.
18:24Those two rival nations. Where's Colombia?
18:26I don't know, I thought it was a coffee.
18:29So you don't like football or geography?
18:32You're absolutely right, I don't like football or geography.
18:35I hated geography.
18:37Nobody knows what geography is.
18:39Is it capital cities or is it Oxbow Lakes?
18:41Come on.
18:43Are there other things you might be interested in?
18:45Yes.
18:46It's a stupid subject.
18:50Anyway, at the end of that round, Andy gets another point.
18:53Oh, well done, Andy.
18:59So, you've all been living together all week in a house.
19:03What was it like? Did you have a nice time?
19:05The food was really good in the house
19:07and I'm kind of all about microwavable dinners normally,
19:10so I have got a lot closer to my target weight, which is good,
19:14which is just massive.
19:18And I believe last week in the house they played a lot of Scrabble,
19:21but I believe that this week Clive taught...
19:24Clive taught us bridge.
19:26He begged me to teach them.
19:28Well, let's have a look at that.
19:34All righty.
19:41LAUGHTER
19:47LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
19:53Oh, dear.
19:55That's mischievously edited, isn't it?
19:59I did a little better than that.
20:01Andy went from not knowing anything about it, not being interested,
20:04but within five minutes he got the idea and was really competitive about it
20:08and was trying to win the demonstration hand
20:10where we all knew what the cards were.
20:12And, as you can see, he's very good.
20:14And apparently you don't even shout bridge at any point, which is rubbish.
20:18Right, now, moving on, it's time for a round-up of some more news
20:22that you've missed while you were in the bubble.
20:27Story A.
20:29Cafe in Devon recycles tea bags for a half-priced cup of tea.
20:33We've always recycled everything in the restaurant.
20:36If you take it a little step further,
20:38it gives a very, very nice mellow, rounded flavour.
20:41Story B.
20:43Surface of 2012 Olympic velodrome track to be made from recycled cardboard.
20:48The tracks are much stronger,
20:50but also just as conducive to low tyre resistance
20:53as the conventional beams of wood.
20:56And Story C.
20:58Scientists in Bath develop a new way of identifying people using their noses.
21:03Noses are hard to conceal without attracting suspicion,
21:05so if someone's got their nose covered up by their hand or clothing,
21:09they immediately stand out for the crowd.
21:11So in all the surveillance footage,
21:13it's very common that people's noses are visible.
21:17And I'd like to thank Sir Trevor MacDonald for the loan of his bong.
21:24You just saw three stories there,
21:26but only one genuinely featured on TV news reports
21:29while you were inside the bubble. The other two were fakes.
21:32I'm getting my head around, finally, this whole programme.
21:35They're all unlikely, these stories, aren't they?
21:37They're all impossible things.
21:39What we try to avoid is having, like,
21:41man goes mad with jelly,
21:43and then interest rates remain stable.
21:48And you've certainly got me completely flummoxed now.
21:51My confidence is shot, so I think they're all true now,
21:54because everything's equally plausible.
21:56So why shouldn't you recycle tea bags?
21:58You can certainly get more than one cup out of tea if you want to.
22:01People have done that at home for years.
22:03Would people find it disgusting, maybe, though, using someone's...
22:06Someone else's tea?
22:07Well, no, it's only been in... It has only been in that cup, hasn't it?
22:10Yes. Yes. I'm imagining...
22:12How do you drink tea?!
22:15Tea bagging's two different things.
22:18Just so you know.
22:19And the velodrome?
22:20What is a velodrome normally made out of?
22:22Is it cardboard, is it wood, is it plastic?
22:25Velo. I see...
22:28Is the velodrome outdoors or indoors, Andy?
22:30I'm assuming David doesn't know what sport is played at a velodrome.
22:33No, let me just say, I don't dislike sport, I dislike football.
22:37Oh, right, OK.
22:38So what is the velodrome normally made out of, David,
22:40in your experience of following cycling as you do?
22:44I've only designed a few stadia,
22:46but I believe...
22:48I believe the velodrome is indoors.
22:51I'm assuming that some treatment is done to the recycled cardboard
22:54other than just sort of gaffer-taping it down.
22:58I'm coming round to it, now you said gaffer-taping cardboard.
23:02My image of the 2012 Olympics is exactly that.
23:08I think the time has come to vote.
23:10Is it A, tea bags used twice for half-price tea,
23:12B, velodrome surface made from cardboard,
23:14or C, noses to be used as a new form of identification?
23:18Please vote A, B or C now.
23:22I'm just voting randomly now, I'm never right, so...
23:25I feel I need to somehow resurrect your morale.
23:29Unfortunately, it's not going to happen now because you're wrong.
23:32You and Andy are both wrong.
23:34You've gone for B, the velodrome.
23:36Sarah, you've gone for A, the tea bags, and you're wrong.
23:40It's C, noses to be used as a new form of identification.
23:45Noses may eventually replace pin numbers at cashpoint machines
23:48using a new system called chip and pick.
23:52What about plastic surgery? Some people have their noses altered.
23:55This does not matter?
23:57Well, I think you can...
23:59With iris recognition, that can be tricked by putting drops in
24:03to make your pupils dilate and that sort of thing.
24:05All of these systems are trickable.
24:07This is going to be a nightmare, isn't it?
24:09All those officious people who stop you at airports,
24:13they can have a field day with this.
24:15They can just go through again and lead with your nose a bit more.
24:19Anyway, that means at the end of that round, I keep all the points.
24:23All right.
24:27OK, our final round is on the buzzer.
24:29I'll read you some news stories from the last week
24:31that may or may not be real.
24:33If you're the first to buzz, please answer real or fake.
24:35If you're right, you win a point.
24:37If you're wrong, you lose a point.
24:39And I can tell you it's very close, but Andy, you're in the lead.
24:43So, let's begin with...
24:46A toy firm has come up with a new device
24:48that will allow dogs to post messages on Twitter.
24:51BUZZER
24:53That must be fake.
24:54It's real.
24:55Oh, no!
24:57Whilst interviewing a woman fleeing violence in the Congo,
25:00a UK immigration officer is alleged to have sung
25:03Umbongo, Umbongo, they kill them in the Congo.
25:09Sarah?
25:10Real.
25:11That's real, yes.
25:14The Home Secretary has reduced the UK terror alert level
25:17to relaxed.
25:19BUZZER
25:20That's fake.
25:21That is fake.
25:22Well, that's my first point, thank you very much.
25:29Alexander the meerkat from the Compare The Market advert
25:32is to present the weather on Channel 5.
25:34BUZZER
25:35Sarah?
25:36Fake.
25:37That is fake.
25:38Oh, that's a shame.
25:41Channel 5 will do it.
25:43There's a market for it, listen.
25:46US air traffic control authorities are investigating claims
25:49that planes at New York's JFK Airport were directed by a child.
25:53BUZZER
25:54That's very fake.
25:56Real.
25:57Real.
25:58BUZZER
25:59A cosmetic surgery clinic has offered to remove
26:02Eamon Holmes' man boobs free of charge.
26:05BUZZER
26:06Real.
26:07That's fake.
26:09Is he going to keep them?
26:12Ken Loach's latest film to go into production is Family Misfortunes
26:16and is based around the life and times of Les Dennis.
26:19BUZZER
26:20Oh, please be real.
26:22That's fake.
26:23It is fake, yes.
26:25And finally, Stephen Hawking has checked into a sex addiction clinic.
26:31Real.
26:32Fake.
26:34So the winner is Andy.
26:36Oh, thank you very much.
26:40Let's have a look at what you got wrong in the quickfire round.
26:45Clive, you didn't believe the toy firm that come up with a new device
26:49that allowed dogs to post messages on Twitter?
26:51Well, how would they do that?
26:53Would they go woof, woof, woof when it's recorded?
26:55Dogs don't say much.
26:56I wonder whether the dogs will realise what they're doing.
26:59In the same way that people buy Christmas presents for their dogs,
27:03I don't think the dog knows it's Christmas.
27:05I don't think many dogs are Christian.
27:09St Bernard's are.
27:13What about greyhounds?
27:14Do you think greyhounds know that it's a race?
27:16No.
27:17Greyhounds don't know that it isn't a hare.
27:22Sarah, you believed that Stephen Hawking
27:24has checked into a sex addiction clinic.
27:26Yeah.
27:27Did they come to him instead?
27:28Yeah.
27:30What happens in a sex clinic?
27:32Oh, a sex-table thing.
27:34You mean a sex clinic or a sex addiction clinic?
27:37Either one.
27:38A sex addiction clinic.
27:39What happens? How do they wean you off it?
27:41Isn't it just something people say?
27:43I don't think there are any sex addict clinics, are there?
27:46If people say, I'm addicted to sex,
27:48they're basically, I've behaved very badly
27:50and I wish to, in some way, medicalise it.
27:52I'm addicted to being an arsehole at parties.
27:55I'm not going to a being an arsehole at parties addiction clinic.
27:58No, you're an arsehole.
28:02No, I think there are arsehole clinics.
28:04I'm sure there are.
28:06You'd be such a sympathetic counsellor in this circumstance.
28:09The thing is, though, I would be a sympathetic counsellor
28:11because under those circumstances,
28:13the arsehole I was talking to would be paying me.
28:16Paying through his arsehole?
28:17Yeah.
28:19No.
28:25Anyway, on that note, thank you to my guests,
28:29Andy Hamilton, Sarah Millican and Clive Anderson.
28:31Join me next time when coming out of the bubble
28:33will be Marcus Brigstocke, Sue Perkins, Julia Hartley-Brewer
28:36and the Reverend Ian Paisley.
28:38Although I may have made one of those up.
28:40Goodnight.
28:46Well, she may not be too good on stairs,
28:48but before she enters the bubble next week,
28:50Sue Perkins is taking up another challenge for BBC Two.
28:53Monday at nine, she's putting together a band for Britain.
28:57The details are coming your way next.
29:03Thank you.