First broadcast 18th March 2010.
David Mitchell
Katy Brand
Josie Long
Tim Key
David Mitchell
Katy Brand
Josie Long
Tim Key
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Take three celebrities.
00:06Send them off to a remote house in the country.
00:12Then seal them in.
00:14With no computers, TVs, newspapers or mobile phones,
00:18they'll be completely cut off from the outside world.
00:21So how will they know what's been going on while they've been in...
00:25the bubble?
00:31Good evening, I'm David Mitchell and welcome to The Bubble,
00:34the show where we ask three celebrities to spend the week
00:37completely cut off from the outside world.
00:39No newspapers, no TV, no internet, nothing.
00:42So they won't know that the marriage between Kate Winslet and Sam Mendes
00:45has split down the middle, just like the Titanic.
00:48Though an iceberg is not involved.
00:50Unless Kate threw a lettuce at him.
00:53Now, fans of the show have been saying they'd like to see more
00:56of what goes on when the guests are inside the bubble.
00:59Your wish is my command.
01:15Happy now?
01:17Press the red button and you can see less of that.
01:21Before we set them free, we're going to show them a selection of news reports.
01:24Some of them are genuine, some of them have been faked.
01:27But will they be able to tell the difference?
01:29So let's meet tonight's guests.
01:31Straight from the bubble, please welcome Josie Long,
01:34Tim Key and Katie Brand.
01:53Well, welcome to you all.
01:55Thank you.
01:56So you've genuinely been isolated from all news media and TV and internet
02:00and everything for a week.
02:01We weren't even allowed to talk to each other.
02:03Really?
02:05Well, because you've been so isolated, you won't know the terrible news
02:10that David Beckham has injured his ankle
02:13and won't be in the World Cup as a result.
02:16The expression is his World Cup dream is over.
02:19Is that true?
02:20Although, yes, that is true.
02:22Are you shocked?
02:24Oh, my God, you can't!
02:27His ankle just looked so strong when we went into the bubble.
02:32Well, there you go.
02:33I went through three seconds, I went,
02:35Oh, that's a shame.
02:36Ah, I think he's a dick.
02:37Oh, it's all right.
02:40I'm waiting for that.
02:43Also, his World Cup dream is a boring dream.
02:46He's been in World Cups before.
02:49Is that what his dream's like?
02:50Oh, I hope works like it was yesterday.
02:55He turns up at the World Cup, England don't win the World Cup,
02:58he leaves the World Cup.
03:00You don't have a dream.
03:01Yeah, it's like, I turn up at work, I don't get promoted,
03:04time to go home.
03:08Anyway, let's start with some TV news stories.
03:10You're going to see three news reports, but only one of them is real
03:13and has been broadcast while you were inside the bubble.
03:16The other two are fakes.
03:17Can you spot the real story?
03:19Let's have a look at report A.
03:22Acne, an affliction suffered by more than 90% of teenagers in the UK,
03:28and many, it seems, are prepared to go to drastic lengths to find a cure,
03:33even if it involves putting snails on your face.
03:36From this small clinic in Kent, dermatologist Sam Green
03:40is using so-called snail therapy to treat patients with the skin condition.
03:45Well, snail trails contain an enzyme which have been found to be
03:49very effective in treating blackheads and spots.
03:52The reason we use live snails is because the trails are fresher
03:56and much more potent.
03:58Ben Keane became a convert after all other spot treatments he tried failed.
04:02It does sound a bit weird, but, I mean, my skin's definitely improved,
04:06and, you know, it is kind of fairly, it's a disgusting idea,
04:10and all my friends thought so,
04:12but ultimately I'd rather have snails on my face than spots.
04:16With the market for acne products seemingly ever-expanding,
04:19could it be that acne sufferers will soon be queuing up
04:22not at the pharmacy, but at the snail farm?
04:27Josie, when you were a teenager,
04:29would you have put snails on your face to fit in?
04:31Well, I'm from Kent, and I have objections.
04:35There are no doctors in Kent, right, for a start.
04:38Secondly, he doesn't have a Kentish accent.
04:41A Kentish accent is like,
04:43Why, what, why are you doing that? I hate immigrants.
04:48You really, you love Kent.
04:50I just have doubts this is Kent.
04:52Also, at the end, when he went pharmacy to a snail farm,
04:55there's no such thing as a snail farm. Is there?
04:58Well, yeah, I think so. I think the French eat snails,
05:01and I don't think they collect them individually.
05:05A snail farm.
05:06I'm sure there's a farm for everyone.
05:08There's not a snail farm in Kent. There are orchards and racists.
05:13I think what you might be doing is taking a few,
05:17albeit upsetting experiences from your childhood,
05:20and extrapolating wildly.
05:22What happens when you've used up, when your spots have gone,
05:25do you then eat them, or what?
05:27I don't know, that might be slightly cannibalistic.
05:30It's like a vicious circle, because all your spots go,
05:32and then you eat them like dripping in garlic butter,
05:34and all your spots come back, so you have to get more snails.
05:37Also, what they'd be dripping in is your own facial grease.
05:41Yeah.
05:43These snails have been marinating in me.
05:46Also, they wouldn't get the whole...
05:48He seems to be just going along there.
05:50You'd have to have someone with...
05:52You'd have to have the trainer or whatever saying,
05:54Come on, the whole face!
05:56The whole face!
05:57Do that, you stupid snail!
06:00The earlobe, fool!
06:03Why wouldn't they just get the slime and put it straight on?
06:06You don't need the snail...
06:08The guy said the fresher the goo, the better.
06:10That's what a guy said.
06:14He's a fake guy.
06:16Let's have a look at story B.
06:20He introduces it as an imitation report,
06:23but within moments panic spreads across the country.
06:27The presenter says that Russian tanks have entered Georgia,
06:30and viewers are shown these pictures.
06:33The images are in fact from the 2008 war,
06:36but as viewers are told that the Russian Air Force is also now involved,
06:40many begin to fear the worst.
06:43The station then cuts to a talk show
06:45and apologises for the panic the reporters caused,
06:48but outside, angry and confused Georgians were already demanding answers.
06:53The station says it was trying to show the real threat of how events might unfold,
06:59but few will be thanking them for the chaos it created.
07:03Is this an example of...
07:05Is this the Georgian bubble,
07:07with an example of just how wrong the programme can go
07:10if the wrong producer's in charge?
07:12They did invent... Well, there are parallels with this show.
07:15Yeah, that's what I'm saying, just be careful, Mitchell, that's what I'm saying.
07:18Right, yes.
07:19Well, you know, that was certainly BBC News' feeling,
07:22was that this show could cause mass panic because I'm so plausible.
07:27So it's a bit like a... What was that?
07:30Oh, no, I'm going to show my... War of the Worlds.
07:32War of the Worlds.
07:33So it was like a sort of military War of the Worlds.
07:35Or Ghostwatch, yeah.
07:37That takes me back.
07:39Pipes.
07:40Doesn't take him back. Ghostwatch.
07:42Yes, do you remember that?
07:43It was a thing with Sarah Green.
07:44Really ill-judged Halloween thing.
07:46But everyone thought that she'd been killed.
07:49And Michael Aspel hosted it from the studio
07:51and there was a poltergeist called Pipes.
07:53Don't remember that.
07:54Oh, come on, man.
07:55Hang on, this is crazy.
07:56We've reversed this.
07:58It's like I've been in some sort of bubble
08:00and I don't know about...
08:02Michael Aspel and Sarah Green
08:04and everyone thought she was dead and what?
08:06Everyone in Britain thought it was real.
08:08I remember watching it. I was terrified.
08:10A ghost called Pipes.
08:12Pipes.
08:13As in the plural of pike.
08:15Come on, Grandad, you must remember that.
08:17No.
08:18You must have taken breaks between your Latin homework at some point.
08:23I remember... I've watched a lot of Knight Rider.
08:29Now, that is not plausible.
08:31Do you know what? I didn't believe it was true.
08:34Obviously, if I'd seen a thing with Sarah Green
08:37and a ghost called Pipes, I would have shat myself.
08:42Well, have a look, anyway, at Report C.
08:47He is the world's highest-paid speaker,
08:50charging up to £6,000 a minute.
08:53But now it's being claimed that Tony Blair will go to any length
08:56to avoid a reception like this one.
09:00The infamous Women's Institute speech he later describes as terrifying.
09:05Thank you very much.
09:06It was alleged by The Telegraph this week
09:08that Britain's former PM has been hiring people to clap during his speeches.
09:13We shouldn't necessarily be too surprised about this
09:16because this is exactly the way that he behaved
09:18when he was Labour leader at his party conference speeches.
09:21There they were, the performing seals, clapping their flippers,
09:24and this is exactly what you expect at many, many political speeches now.
09:28This ain't a surprise.
09:30But agents for big-name speakers are more sceptical.
09:33I'm afraid I think it's nonsense.
09:35I think it's a very good idea
09:37because it's just the same as a floor manager in telly
09:39getting an audience to clap, but I don't think it's true.
09:42True or not, one thing is clear.
09:45This former prime minister hasn't lost his knack for attracting controversy.
09:51Tony Blair refused to comment on the story
09:53as no one offered him any cash, but...
09:57Katie, do you think Blair's that shallow?
09:59Yes, definitely. It's one of the things I like most about him.
10:03Once you throw morals out of the window,
10:05he becomes a bit sort of like a sort of sexy Bond villain.
10:09He does.
10:10I quite liked it.
10:11Quentin Letts was obviously trying to be a bit cool
10:13when he went,
10:14That ain't a good idea.
10:16He went off with a cool word.
10:19He was pleased with that, wasn't he?
10:21Then he showed everyone his Nike high tops.
10:26Is that a shoe?
10:27Yes.
10:30Well, I think the time has come to vote.
10:32To recap, the three stories are...
10:34A. Snail trails can cure acne.
10:37B. Fake news report causes panic in Georgia.
10:40Or C. Tony Blair is hiring people to applaud during his speeches.
10:44So which is the real story?
10:46Please vote A, B or C now.
10:52Right, well, Katie's gone for
10:54Tony Blair hiring people to applaud during his speeches.
10:57Purely because she finds him so sexy.
11:00And Josie and Tim, you've gone for
11:02B. The fake news report causing panic in Georgia.
11:05Well, I'm happy to say, Tim and Josie, you're both right.
11:08Well done.
11:12I'd like to know what sick puppy in the production office
11:15came up with snails on faces
11:17and then made that poor boy lie there.
11:21I hope he was paid.
11:22If that was the work experience runner,
11:24then I'm going to find out.
11:25That poor boy was the series producer's son.
11:31Oh, television, how I love you.
11:33Oh, come on, it's not that bad,
11:35a snail on your face for a bit.
11:38Yeah, we don't know what the long-term effects are going to be.
11:40You're going to feel really bad in a year's time
11:42if he's, you know, all of his skin's peeled off.
11:45He grows a shell.
11:46Yeah.
11:48Are you suggesting that the snails were shagging?
11:52Because they've got both sets of sexual organs,
11:54anyway, see? Right up the nostril.
11:58And that one on the back there,
11:59I don't know what's coming out of it, but...
12:02It's just a bit of general goo.
12:04Yeah.
12:06When did you last have a snail on your face?
12:08I've never had a snail on my face, all right.
12:10Have you ever said,
12:11that's just a bit of general goo?
12:15Who hasn't?
12:18Yes, the Georgian news report was real
12:20and genuinely caused a huge amount of panic
12:23and then everyone got furious.
12:24The broadcaster's excuse was that it was
12:27trying to show the real threat of how events might unfold.
12:32I don't know whether that's what the news is actually supposed to do.
12:36That's what the weather does.
12:40And Katie, you believed Tony Blair would have hired clappers.
12:45I think Tony Blair wouldn't ever actually,
12:47if thinking about it now,
12:48wouldn't need to hire in professional clappers.
12:51All he'd have to do is go,
12:52well, you could either clap and let me carry on,
12:55or if you don't like me,
12:56I could go off and Gordon Brown could come and talk.
13:00And then everyone would just wildly start applauding,
13:01because however bad Tony Blair is,
13:03the alternative is much, much worse.
13:06He's like the disappointing main course
13:07in a restaurant famous for horrible puddings.
13:10Yes.
13:14Well, at the end of that round,
13:16Tim and Josie, well done, you both get a point.
13:22So, next we move on to the newspapers.
13:25Three stories, and again,
13:26only one of them genuinely did feature in the newspapers
13:29while you were inside the bubble.
13:30The other two are fakes.
13:31Can you tell the difference?
13:32So, here's story A.
13:34This is the news that a new lipstick has gone on sale
13:37that changes colour when women are turned on.
13:40In tests, it led to a number of sexual assaults on clowns.
13:45Josie, does that look plausible to you?
13:47Is that a product you think you...
13:49It doesn't look plausible,
13:51but I do like the idea of clowns being sexually assaulted.
13:56Global hypercolour, that came and went.
13:58Global hypercolour?
14:00Oh, my God!
14:02Sorry, is this what pipes used to wear?
14:06He must remember global hypercolour.
14:08David!
14:09No, stop turning the tables on me!
14:11I've not been isolated.
14:13My education was not a 15-year bubble.
14:18What's global hypercolour?
14:20Oh, David!
14:21It was T-shirts that had a heat-sensitive dye in them
14:24so that people could put...
14:25Don't look at me like that!
14:27People could put hot hands on a T-shirt
14:29and you would see their hands in colour where they were.
14:31And then if your dad wore one and danced, it would...
14:34Yeah, it would sweat.
14:35Yeah, it would all go multi-coloured under your armpits.
14:38Well, why aren't all clothes like that?
14:42Right.
14:43So the idea is it's a T-shirt that could sort of show
14:46if you're a bit sweaty and if someone's groped you.
14:49Yeah.
14:50Or cords, I'm sure I could make it with cords.
14:52Yes.
14:53Yeah.
14:54Don't mock the cords.
14:57OK, well, let's have a look at story B.
15:01This is the news that a camera has gone on sale on the internet
15:05that takes naked photographs of fully clothed people
15:08by using the same technology as the new airport scanners.
15:11Why are all of these sexy stories?
15:14Don't know, really. I suppose...
15:17Well, there are a lot of sexy stories in the press.
15:20We live in a sort of sex-obsessed culture.
15:23I'm a sex addict.
15:27That might affect the show editorially on some level
15:30that I'm not even aware of.
15:32I'll tell you why this is quite plausible.
15:34Whoever has mocked this up, if this is not true,
15:36knows their tabloids, because how our Rhian might look
15:39is exactly what a paper would do
15:42with their current favourite Page Three girl.
15:45Quite fit, didn't she?
15:49I think they might have deliberately chosen that.
15:52Just to keep the story and the round of this show.
15:56Keep it nice and sexy.
15:58It would be a very different thing if, for some bizarre reason,
16:01that tabloid had chosen Anne Widdicombe to illustrate their point.
16:05And I think they probably would have to use the technology
16:08because there may not be so many extant photographs
16:11of Anne Widdicombe topless.
16:13Of our Anne.
16:15She refers to her bosom as her upper circumference.
16:18I really like that.
16:20It's just astronomical.
16:22And I mean in the sense to do with massive planetary bodies,
16:25not in the sense, it's fantastic!
16:31OK, well, let's have a look at story C.
16:33And there's another sexy story.
16:35This is the news that a 13-year-old boy has ordered strippers
16:39on his father's credit card for his birthday party.
16:41He got caught, so that's the last time he'll borrow a credit card
16:44for sexual gratification.
16:46Next time, he'll just use a hole in the wall.
16:51Oh, come on!
16:54You can't chastise them, because as soon as you said it,
16:57you looked really pleased with yourself.
17:01And I thought they should be pleased with me as well.
17:04I want some consensus.
17:06I'm pleased with you. It's very funny.
17:08Thanks, Tim's pleased with me. And you hate me.
17:11Anyway, Tim, what do you reckon?
17:13Well, I don't know, it's almost worth sort of scrimping together
17:16a bit of money if you want to do that sort of thing, rather than...
17:19It's sounding terribly sort of like a kind of patrician kind of thing.
17:23It's almost worth scrimping together a bit of money, actually.
17:26What I did, I did a paper round for weeks and weeks and weeks,
17:29and I hired my own prostitute,
17:31and I think I enjoyed screwing her all the more,
17:34and I'd pay for it myself.
17:39OK, well, before you vote, let's recap the stories.
17:42Is it A, new lipstick changes colour when you're turned on,
17:46B, a camera that takes naked pictures is for sale on the Internet,
17:50or C, a 13-year-old boy orders strippers on his father's credit card?
17:55Please vote, A, B or C, now.
17:59Oh, right. Well, Josie and Tim,
18:02both gone for the camera that takes naked photographs.
18:05Katie, you've gone for the new lipstick that changes colour.
18:09And, well, Katie, I'm happy to say you're right.
18:12Yes!
18:15OK.
18:17According to the article,
18:19each £12 tube comes with a colour chart,
18:22so men can work out how wendy their partner is feeling.
18:26If there's one thing that turns me on, it's a man consulting a chart.
18:31So, at the end of that round, Katie gets a point.
18:37So, you've all been living together in a house for the best part of a week.
18:42What was that like?
18:44I did my homework, which is just the writing that I've got to do,
18:47and then in the evenings, we would play a card game called Shithead,
18:51where the loser is called Shithead.
18:56And I lost every single game of Shithead that we played,
18:59so that was mostly what I did.
19:01I worked on my own during the day,
19:03and then I just set myself up to be called Shithead for the rest of the day.
19:06Well, maybe if you'd been a bit more sociable,
19:08people wouldn't have spent all evening playing Shithead.
19:10I've contrived a game that made me be called Shithead.
19:14You wouldn't want to be Shithead all day, it's just I wasn't there.
19:17In this case, a seven is higher than a nine.
19:21You shithead.
19:25Josie's doing maths A-level.
19:28I kept having nightmares that I was doing maths A-level,
19:31so I thought I might as well do maths A-level.
19:36Now I'm bloody living the dream.
19:39Well, yeah, I'm very impressed that you're genuinely taking on unnecessary education.
19:46Well, we'll move on to the next round,
19:49which is a round-up of some more stories you'll have missed because you're in the bubble.
19:53Have a look at these three quick reports, see what you think.
19:59Story A.
20:00Reading-based band League of the Righteous were raided by police
20:04after they mistook them for an Iranian-backed terrorist group called the League of the Righteous.
20:10We didn't know that we shared a name with a terrorist group at all.
20:13We were practising here, about ten o'clock it must have been.
20:16Before we knew it, suddenly we had armed police on us.
20:20Story B.
20:21An OAP from Norfolk is teaching his fellow pensioners to defend themselves using their walking sticks.
20:28If what they're saying is they need to protect themselves,
20:31then you need to know where you can hit to do that without causing serious damage.
20:37And Story C.
20:39After a group announces plans to run the London Marathon dressed as Muslim cleric Abu Hamza,
20:45there are protests as all religious dress is banned.
20:48I think the organisers of the London Marathon have gone completely nuts.
20:52The fun nuns are one of the centrepieces of the marathon.
20:57I really, really want the first one to be true, so much.
21:01The League of the Righteous? Yeah.
21:03Mistaken for the League of the Righteous.
21:05It's an easy mistake to make, they have identical names, you know.
21:09Yeah.
21:10It's like mistaking you for David Mitchell.
21:12Exactly, it is very similar to that.
21:14I did that earlier.
21:15Yeah.
21:16But you wouldn't be arrested for writing Cloud Atlas, would you?
21:18Cloud Atlas is not an act of terrorism, no.
21:22I didn't know there was another David Mitchell,
21:25I was just imagining someone called David Mitchell.
21:27Incredibly unusual, though my name is.
21:32There are several other David Mitchells, including a former Tory MP,
21:36the author of Cloud Atlas, and Dame Nellie Melba's father.
21:40Although he, to give him credit, is dead.
21:46She had the good grace to die.
21:47She had the good grace to die.
21:49The other ones, well, I'm waiting.
21:53Do you have a Google?
21:54Are you the top David Mitchell when you Google?
21:57Yes.
21:59I said, for a moment, I thought,
22:01shall I deny having Googled my own name?
22:04I thought, I'm sorry, if there's anyone on Earth
22:06with a computer who hasn't Googled their name,
22:08then they're basically, they need help recognising their own existence.
22:12It's interesting, yeah, it's weirder to deny it now, isn't it?
22:14Yeah.
22:15That's like suffering just from a sort of appalling,
22:17chronic lack of curiosity, isn't it?
22:18Yeah, exactly.
22:20It's like never having masturbated.
22:26Right, well, I think the time has come to vote.
22:29So, just to recap on the stories, is it...
22:32A, police raid banned after mix-up over name.
22:36B, OAP walking stick self-defence classes proved popular in Norfolk.
22:40Or C, London Marathon bans religious dress
22:43after discovering runners planned to dress as Abu Hamza.
22:46One is real, two are fakes.
22:48One is real, two are fakes.
22:49Please vote A, B or C now.
22:54Well, Josie's gone for A, the mix-up over the League of the Righteous,
22:58and the other two of you have gone for the OAP self-defence classes.
23:01Well, I have to say, Tim and Katie, you're right.
23:04It is the OAP.
23:11I have to say, I'm doing a lot better here tonight
23:14than I normally do when I play along at home,
23:17which is sad, because when I play along at home,
23:19I've obviously had access to the news.
23:23Yes, 61-year-old Kevin Garwood from Norwich
23:25has indeed developed a new form of martial art
23:27and has been teaching his contemporaries to defend themselves
23:29using walking sticks.
23:31I don't think it counts as a martial art
23:33if you just one day pick up your walking stick
23:35and start waving it around.
23:37It is when... Look, yes.
23:39That's not just waving it around.
23:41He's going to behead the guy.
23:44And, Josie, yes, you wanted to believe
23:46and did believe the League of the Righteous story.
23:48It's a double sadness,
23:50that it isn't true and that I didn't win.
23:52I thought you might have seen through it,
23:54because you might have recognised the band
23:56as the guys from Malifis.
23:58You know the band Malifis?
24:00They wanted us to mention their name.
24:02Oh, I see. Malifis.
24:04Are they touring?
24:09Would you also be willing to look straight down your camera
24:12and say that Malifis are your favourite band?
24:16Malifis are my favourite band.
24:22I think I might have just finished their careers.
24:28But, no, that wasn't true, but it strikes me
24:30that I hope that when the police
24:32are looking to arrest terrorists,
24:34they do more than just look up the name
24:36and sort of go,
24:38Oh, I thought that was a Middle Eastern group,
24:40but for us, they seem to be based in Reading.
24:42Well, at the end of that round,
24:44Tim and Katie both get points.
24:50It was worth me and Tim getting all those papers in
24:52in the bubble.
24:54You see, now,
24:56you said that, people on the internet will go,
24:58Well, I was at the recording.
25:00She said they got papers in.
25:02People will ask me that on Twitter.
25:04I'll have to go, No, they didn't get papers in.
25:06It would render the entire thing
25:08utterly pointless.
25:10That's too many characters for Twitter.
25:12Yes, people keep saying,
25:14How come there's a TV in there?
25:18I keep saying,
25:20It's possible to have a TV screen
25:22on which you can watch DVDs
25:24and not receive BBC One.
25:26Actually, all the TVs
25:28are disconnected, I think.
25:30Yes, of course they're disconnected.
25:32I'm just going to go,
25:34I'll just try Channel 4 News.
25:36This will help.
25:38I didn't expect that.
25:40You actually can use the internet.
25:42Don't say that!
25:44It's not true!
25:46Anyway,
25:48our final round is on the buzzer.
25:50Is it still all to play for?
25:52Or is Josie out of five?
25:56By all, nothing.
25:58Yes, it is all to play for
26:00because a lot of points are exchanged
26:02in the last round.
26:04Please continue to bother.
26:06As I understood it,
26:08you were booked for the evening.
26:10Don't talk to me like a stranger!
26:12Oh my God!
26:20Our final round
26:22is on the buzzer.
26:24I'll read you some news stories from the last week
26:26that may or may not be real.
26:28If you're first to buzz in, please answer real or fake.
26:30If you're right, you win a point.
26:32If you're wrong, you lose a point.
26:34So, let's begin with...
26:38According to her personal psychic,
26:40Jordan's sunbed may be possessed.
26:44Josie?
26:46I think that's fake.
26:48It's real.
26:50The syringe said to have administered
26:52the fatal dose of drugs to Michael Jackson
26:54is set to go on sale in Las Vegas.
26:56Tim?
26:58Fake.
27:00Someone has hacked into Google Earth
27:02and renamed all the capital cities Margate.
27:08Please let that be real.
27:10Fake.
27:12In Nottinghamshire, a fleet of Chinese sky lanterns
27:14inscribed with people's hopes and dreams
27:16have crashed and burnt down
27:18Geoff Hoon's shed.
27:22Fake.
27:24Fake it is.
27:26Gordon Brown has been labelled as a slapper
27:28after talking to rival site Netmums.
27:32Real.
27:34That is real.
27:38In an escalation of the Downing Street bullying row,
27:40it has been claimed that Alastair Campbell
27:42once gave Mo Mowlam a Chinese burn.
27:46Fake.
27:48Overcome with emotion,
27:50the owner of the winning dog at Crufts this week
27:52said he and his pet were lovers.
27:54Katie?
27:56Real.
27:58Fake.
28:00And finally, Anthea Turner's two-date tour
28:02An Audience With Anthea
28:04has been cancelled after a 780-seat venue
28:06only managed to sell two tickets.
28:08Katie?
28:10Real.
28:12It is real.
28:14So, the winner is...
28:16Tim!
28:18Thank you.
28:22Anyway, thank you to my guests.
28:24Katie Brand, Tim Key and Josie Long.
28:26Join me next week when we'll be back on Friday
28:28and when coming out of the bubble
28:30will be Miranda Hart, Robert Webb,
28:32Shappi Korsandi and the cast and crew
28:34of Andrew Lloyd Webber's unpopular new musical
28:36Love Never Dies.
28:38Although I may have made one of those up.
28:40Goodnight.
28:48APPLAUSE