First broadcast 31st March 2019.
Jimmy Carr
Rob Beckett
John Pohlhammer
Sara Pascoe
Russell Kane
Maisie Adam
Rylan Clark-Neal
Oti Mabuse
Jimmy Carr
Rob Beckett
John Pohlhammer
Sara Pascoe
Russell Kane
Maisie Adam
Rylan Clark-Neal
Oti Mabuse
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Tonight on 8 out of 10 casts, no game, no game, it's Russell Cain.
00:25Dancing Queen, it's Oti Mabuse, and Rob Beckett, their team captain, and facing him for now.
00:36From this morning to this evening, it's Rylan Clark-Neal, Funny Lady, it's Maisie Adams, and Sarah Pasto, their guest team captain.
00:50Now, welcome your host, Jim...
00:55...Kaar!
01:00Hello and welcome to 8 out of 10 cats, a show about opinion polls, surveys and statistics.
01:05Did you know, for example, 95% of women say they'd opt for true love over great sex?
01:11Sorry, ladies, but on behalf of 100% of men, I'm here to inform you, you're going to have to settle for neither.
01:17LAUGHTER
01:19More than 20% of all British people hate the sound of their own voice, or to put it another way, are from Birmingham.
01:26LAUGHTER
01:29If you're watching this in Birmingham, you can write and complain, but don't call us.
01:32LAUGHTER
01:34And 12% of Brits have had sex in the sea.
01:37Me and my girlfriend regularly have sex in the sea, the A is just for birthdays.
01:41LAUGHTER
01:43Right, let's get started.
01:45APPLAUSE
01:52What are you talking about? That's the name of our first round.
01:54It's our palace job to guess the British public's top three favourite things to do on your mobile phone.
01:59Rob's team, what do you think Britain likes to do on its mobile phone?
02:02Is it, er, messaging people, then?
02:04WhatsApp is a big messenger.
02:06The worst thing on a WhatsApp is when you're in, like, a stag group,
02:10and then it comes up the no-name numbers.
02:12I know you know about them, no-name, but it's a picture of them holding a massive carp.
02:16Oh, yeah.
02:17LAUGHTER
02:19These girls all just pointed to this lad when he said that.
02:21LAUGHTER
02:23WhatsApp is the difference between boys and girls' interaction in real life.
02:26Like, girls would be like, oh, my God, I feel really bad about Terry,
02:29you know, I've been feeling insecure. Are you OK, babe?
02:31And they'll all jump in on the chat.
02:32I mean, what's made you feel different?
02:33Then on Terry's WhatsApp group, do you want to see an old lady wank off a goat?
02:36LAUGHTER
02:38I'm in a WhatsApp group that was called The Three Musketeers.
02:41It was with my two best friends. Yeah.
02:43And then it was called Two Musketeers and One Dick,
02:45after a night out that I don't remember.
02:47LAUGHTER
02:49I think administrators have too much power in a WhatsApp group.
02:52Cos it is a brutal place.
02:54It's like, hey, guys, my birthday!
02:56There's not Rob left.
02:57LAUGHTER
02:59The only thing worse of being added into a WhatsApp group
03:02is finding out there is one you're not in.
03:04The side group.
03:05Which means they're slacking you off.
03:06The side group is terrifying.
03:07Are you in the female comedian's WhatsApp?
03:09That is another question.
03:10LAUGHTER
03:12So there's a female comedian's WhatsApp?
03:14No, I know, I'm in it, but I'm deep undercover.
03:17LAUGHTER
03:18Hang on, hang on, who's in this group, then?
03:20Like, everyone...
03:21It's just all the really funny female comedians.
03:23All the really funny female comedians
03:25that Sarah's friends with are in the group,
03:26and then there's you.
03:27Look, you're going to get added and you're not going to like it.
03:29I don't want a pity ad.
03:31LAUGHTER
03:32I'll actually be like,
03:33Guess who was really great on TV tonight?
03:35And I'll say, new number, who's this?
03:37LAUGHTER
03:38Do you like that carp?
03:40LAUGHTER
03:42Oti, on Strictly, is there a WhatsApp group?
03:45Yes.
03:46We have one just for dancers every year,
03:48because they replace us.
03:49And do you have one for the people
03:50that you're having affairs with?
03:51Oh!
03:52LAUGHTER
03:53LAUGHTER
03:54I can't...
03:55I can't...
03:56I can't...
03:57I can't...
03:58I can't...
03:59I can't...
04:00No!
04:01What's that?
04:02No!
04:03We have one just for pros,
04:04then we have one for pros and celebs,
04:06and then when we go on tour,
04:07we have another one.
04:08And what goes on tour,
04:09stays on tour.
04:10Sometimes when you get home,
04:12you have to take antibiotics.
04:13LAUGHTER
04:14I don't know what you're talking about.
04:17I don't know what you're talking about.
04:18Are all the dancers in the dancer one?
04:20Yes.
04:21Or is there one person that's not in it?
04:23LAUGHTER
04:24I'm the Anton DeBeck of comics.
04:27LAUGHTER
04:28Oti, can I ask about the judges on Strictly?
04:31Are they in the group, or...?
04:32No.
04:33No.
04:34They probably have their own group,
04:35because we have to keep it really professional,
04:37so the dancers stick with the dancers
04:38and the judges with the judges.
04:39Oh, if only the dancers stick with the dancers!
04:41Don't even go there!
04:42And not with the contestants!
04:43Homewreck-er!
04:45LAUGHTER
04:46I'm officially not allowed to do Strictly.
04:48Why?
04:49For obvious reasons.
04:51I mean, if you're grinding on someone for 12 weeks,
04:54and they're hot...
04:55I mean, Shirley Ballas,
04:56as much as look to me,
04:57I'd go off like a joke cigar.
04:58LAUGHTER
05:00It would be...
05:01It would...
05:02If I was dancing with you, it would be like a punched icing bag.
05:04It would not!
05:05LAUGHTER
05:06LAUGHTER
05:07A punched icing bag!
05:09Please!
05:10Oh, dear!
05:11But no-one dances because they want to dance,
05:13you just dance someone to get off of them, don't you?
05:15Exactly, thank you!
05:16I've never gone out,
05:17oh, let's have a good old dance,
05:18it's like, hopefully, if she's dancing with me,
05:19she might be up for it.
05:20LAUGHTER
05:21So, why don't we have a quick texting challenge?
05:23So, all get your phones out.
05:25Your challenge is to get someone to text you back
05:27a picture of a banana smile.
05:29I'll demonstrate banana smile.
05:31LAUGHTER
05:32I can't live in a Morrison.
05:33If they love you, they get a banana.
05:34Oh, my goodness!
05:35It's got to be a banana, you can't use a dick.
05:38LAUGHTER
05:39I'm out.
05:40LAUGHTER
05:41LAUGHTER
05:42LAUGHTER
05:43LAUGHTER
05:44LAUGHTER
05:45He's heard just the banana,
05:46I don't know what that means as a reply.
05:48Can I just...
05:49Can I do a word memo?
05:50OK.
05:51To just put it in front of your mouth like a smiley mouth.
05:53Don't do it, it's a trap!
05:54LAUGHTER
05:55I'm not really on the same team!
05:57LAUGHTER
05:58Please, just play along!
06:00I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
06:01Well, in fairness, Ryland has been fooled before,
06:03and I'm so sorry about that.
06:04LAUGHTER
06:05How many N's in banana?
06:07LAUGHTER
06:08I'm saying it, but all I'm going to get back is why,
06:11what's wrong, what...
06:12What's wrong?
06:13He's always doing this.
06:15I've got one! I've got one!
06:16What the...?
06:17What have you got?
06:18I've got a double vomit, two people.
06:20Oh, my God!
06:21That is incredibly quick!
06:22Oh, I've got one!
06:23He was too slow!
06:24Too slow!
06:25Got it!
06:26Um, I've got one already.
06:27Yeah, I've got one as well, but he was too slow.
06:30LAUGHTER
06:31We've got one.
06:32Oh, we've got one here.
06:33You've got one, let's have a look.
06:34Who's that?
06:35Who's that?
06:36Who's that?
06:37Who's that?
06:38Who's that?
06:39Is that one of the dancers?
06:40No, no, one of the dancers.
06:41Oh, that's one of the contestants.
06:42LAUGHTER
06:48He's got a face on it and a banana.
06:49Which camera is that?
06:50How quickly did he do that?
06:51LAUGHTER
06:52He, er...
06:53APPLAUSE
06:54Amazing.
06:55You get the point for that, because that was so good.
06:57Oh, my God!
06:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:04That's my mate, Beth.
07:05You can always count on her with a banana.
07:07She was the first friend to tell me what an orgasm was.
07:09And I used to sit at the back with Beth,
07:11cos she was a lot more street-smart than me.
07:13And I wrote a little note in the back of my book saying,
07:16what's an orgasm?
07:17Cos I'd heard it.
07:18And she wrote back, I've still got the back of the maths book,
07:20and it says,
07:21it's when your fanny gets excited.
07:23LAUGHTER
07:24Those are the friends you need.
07:26LAUGHTER
07:27And then when it happened, do you think of her?
07:29I was like, that's it!
07:30LAUGHTER
07:31Is that your celebration?
07:33Oh!
07:34Have you never made a winner?
07:35Have you never made a winner?
07:37Yeah, that's it.
07:38We all do.
07:39We all do.
07:40Is your wife faking?
07:41No, she does two ends.
07:43She's over-recking it, isn't she?
07:45Yeah!
07:46She's bringing a plane in.
07:47Come on!
07:48That's why porn is so unrealistic, cos the women are never doing that.
07:52And that's the sign that it's real.
07:54LAUGHTER
07:55OK, well, let's see if it's up there.
07:57BELL RINGS
07:58Yes, it's messaging.
08:00I like the way pictures you send disappear on Snapchat,
08:02so if I send my girlfriend a photo of my erect penis,
08:03it only lasts ten seconds, just like the real thing.
08:04LAUGHTER
08:05Sarah, what else do people do with their mobile phones?
08:06Social media.
08:07Social media.
08:08Everyone on the Facebook and the Twitter and Instagram.
08:09Are you on the social media?
08:10I'm on all of the social media.
08:11All of the social media?
08:12All of the social media.
08:13Yeah, all of the social media.
08:14Yeah, all of the social media.
08:15One of my friends the other day.
08:16She's not a friend, but someone I know.
08:17Someone I know.
08:18You're one of the girls that you've kept out of the group.
08:19LAUGHTER
08:20LAUGHTER
08:21You're going to be added and you're going to be hating.
08:22OK.
08:23All the female comedians what's that group is,
08:26as you'd expect, just talking about shoes and how many of them we can buy
08:29with the money we get from stealing men's places on panel shows.
08:31What's that group?
08:33Yeah, I know, I know, I know.
08:35Yeah, I know, I know.
08:36I know.
08:37Yeah, I know.
08:38Yeah, I know.
08:39Yeah, I know.
08:40I know.
08:41I know.
08:42I know.
08:43Yeah, I know.
08:44I know.
08:45I know.
08:46I know.
08:47I know.
08:48we get from stealing men's places on panel shows.
08:52Memes are pretty common on social media,
08:54usually just a bit of fun.
08:55Check out this intense description of a meme war.
08:58I can have a meme war with anybody and destroy him.
09:01And I've done it.
09:02And people actually bail at the end and go,
09:04who is this guy?
09:05He's got, like, every meme ever produced on the internet.
09:08He can knock us out with his memes.
09:09And I do, I have tons of memes.
09:11I'll just keep memeing them to death.
09:13Surrender, because they just can't do it anymore.
09:15They don't have the memes that I have.
09:17A lot of times in a meme war, it's all about speed.
09:21You've got to get to your memes quick.
09:23If you can't get to them quick, you're useless.
09:25They'll just keep blasting you with memes,
09:27and you can't fire back.
09:28So you have to know where your memes are.
09:35You've got to respect a man that's trying to show up
09:37about how tech-savvy he is
09:39when he's on a desktop computer in his kitchen.
09:41Yeah!
09:42But he's 1998.
09:45I've got a banana update.
09:46My mum's text said,
09:47we ain't got any in.
09:48I've Googled one for you.
09:50LAUGHTER
09:52Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
09:56Oh, my...
09:57Many parents are worried about the effects of social media
09:59on their children,
10:01but few take it as far as this concerned mother.
10:03Take a look at what she does to her kid's phone.
10:05I hereby denounce the effects that social media...
10:08I love you.
10:09I love you.
10:10I love you.
10:11..have on my children,
10:13their disobedience and their disrespect.
10:16Charlotte!
10:17LAUGHTER
10:19LAUGHTER
10:19LAUGHTER
10:20APPLAUSE
10:27Well, I suppose the obvious thing to ask is,
10:30Rob, why is your mum doing that voice?
10:31LAUGHTER
10:33I don't know what her kids did to deserve that,
10:35but I'm guessing they did something bad.
10:37Well, I thought the dog was going to get it at some point.
10:39LAUGHTER
10:40She's a stupid cow.
10:41She could have sold that phone for £50 on eBay.
10:43LAUGHTER
10:45My thing with social media is,
10:46I do think it's making us slightly more anxious.
10:49So it's hard to do this, but try to live your life,
10:52just try it for a day by this maxim.
10:54If I did it in real life, what would the consequences be?
10:57So you wouldn't draw back your curtains
10:59and show your baby in the bath to a street full of strangers and go,
11:02you, man, with your hand in the pockets, will you like my baby?
11:04Girls, you wouldn't run into Asda and go,
11:06everyone, stop shopping, look at my smokey eye.
11:08No, of course not.
11:10That's someone who needs counselling.
11:11Tagging yourself into hospital without explanation
11:14is one of the cruelest things I've ever seen.
11:16Russell is at Southend Hospital, why?
11:18Guess.
11:21Do you know what I can't bear with the fake boasting?
11:23Oh, I'm so happy with my new sofa.
11:25And it's nothing to do with the sofa, she's in a bikini.
11:27It's like, who likes my new sofa?
11:28Oh, my God, my flap's come out, I can't believe it.
11:31LAUGHTER
11:32I've got a cartoon dog face on.
11:33Roo, roo, roo!
11:34If you've got a cartoon dog face
11:36and you're fanny out on the internet and you're 35, get help!
11:39LAUGHTER
11:40Don't get paid for it.
11:41Yeah!
11:42That's what I was thinking!
11:44LAUGHTER
11:45APPLAUSE
11:46OK, let's see if social media is up there.
11:49BELL RINGS
11:51Yes, it's social media!
11:53APPLAUSE
11:55I'm very plugged in when it comes to social media,
11:57so if you want me to like your Facebook page,
12:00just fax it over to me and I'll see what I can do.
12:02LAUGHTER
12:04Well, that's it for part one.
12:05See you after the break.
12:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
12:08Welcome back to 8 Out Out 10 Counts,
12:09where we're still trying to guess our favourite thing to do
12:10on a mobile phone.
12:11Rob's team, one more thing still to get.
12:12OK, what do you think?
12:13We're playing games.
12:14Play games? Yeah.
12:15What kind of games?
12:16Like the games where marriages break up?
12:17Like...
12:18Like...
12:18AND APPLAUSE
12:20..if you play...
12:20..and I'm sorry...
12:21I'm sorry.
12:22So, we're still trying to guess our favourite thing to do
12:24on a mobile phone.
12:25Rob's team, one more thing still to get.
12:26OK, what do you think?
12:27We're playing games.
12:28Play games?
12:29Yeah.
12:30What kind of games?
12:31Like the games where marriages break up?
12:32Like...
12:33You're the husband on the dancing show?
12:35Those kind of games, I think.
12:37Yeah, Candy Crush.
12:38Yeah, Candy Crush.
12:39OK, Candy Crush, do you play Candy Crush?
12:42No.
12:43I play...
12:44HE SIZE
12:45Um, I...
12:46HE SPEAKS
12:46LAUGHTER
12:52You playing a game crazy?
12:54I peaked when that Pokemon Go thing was going around.
12:57Oh, yeah, that was huge. No, it annoyed me.
12:59It was like Deliveroo for paedophiles, wasn't it? I hated it.
13:05I was going travelling across America when it got really, really popular
13:08and at one point we were on the Amtrak train in the dead of night
13:12going across, like, the Colorado desert
13:14and people were going on the train tracks
13:16in order to get a Pikachu or something.
13:19I won't go on the tracks for a Pikachu, but a Charizard, I will.
13:25Ryla, are you a games person? Do you play any games?
13:27Not really, no, but I like...
13:29I downloaded this game and it's like you're a pilot
13:33and, like, you land the plane and then you take off.
13:36Remember when I asked you if you play any games?
13:40That's a game, isn't it? You're not really flying a plane, are you?
13:43Unless that is how EasyJet make it so cheap.
13:47Oh, I enjoy it.
13:48Because I always thought this to be a pilot as well,
13:50so I thought I'd try that.
13:51What about being cabin crew?
13:56Oh, Julia, that's my...
13:57Where you actually went there.
13:58Of course.
14:00I am offended.
14:01LAUGHTER
14:06OK, so, playing virtual reality games on your phone
14:09can make you forget where you are.
14:10Look at this hysterical reaction.
14:12Oh, Gabrielle could never do that.
14:14Oh, probably not.
14:15LAUGHTER
14:16LAUGHTER
14:20LAUGHTER
14:21LAUGHTER
14:22LAUGHTER
14:24LAUGHTER
14:25LAUGHTER
14:26LAUGHTER
14:27LAUGHTER
14:29LAUGHTER
14:30LAUGHTER
14:32LAUGHTER
14:33LAUGHTER
14:35LAUGHTER
14:37OK, so what are the games?
14:38Sarah, are you playing games?
14:39It's not a game, but one of my...
14:40But one of my and well lots of my friends have had babies, and they will do this squeezy thing
14:46So I'm doing it as well. You should never squeeze
14:55Oh
14:57Are you doing it now, you know
15:04We've now got a meme for the show. Oh watch our 10 cats everybody's coming
15:10I love the same men have them as well. All bodies have a pelvic floor. Are you doing it right now? No, I am now because you brought it
15:16Oh
15:21I could carry this chair
15:31Well, I can tell you playing games is not one of the top things you do with your phones
15:34But people have developed various injuries from continuously playing games on their mobile phones
15:39You can get tech neck smartphone finger and red raw porn penis
15:46Okay, fingers are buzzers one more thing still to get
15:49What do you think I like using the camera photos and selfies and stuff like that. Yeah, I mean that's a it's a huge thing
15:55Have you have you take many selfies? I am I don't take that many selfies really. I don't really like my face
16:00Why not?
16:02No one else loves it mate
16:03The joyful thing about your face is you you never look like you're in a mood
16:07That's what annoys me about you need to see that like really fit models right and they're really attractive
16:11They've always got the ump. Do you want me they're always sitting there with the ump. I'm happy sitting here with a body like a bag of mashed potato
16:17It's a weird thing like the supermodels that when you see an advert for like I don't know you know Chanel or whatever it is
16:22Yeah, we'll lose a ton of different targeted ads
16:29So when you see me mom on the back of the school run come on there is a happy mommy knows but the models in the kind of high fashion ones are always like
16:36I'll tell you what I love on the on the cameras on the phones
16:39The great thing is the technology I enjoy the face swap the face what technology is not fussy about what faces it swaps take a look at this
16:44I'll even go in the way
16:59People get a little bit obsessed by by their cameras, and they get distracted have a look at this sweet clip of a mother wishing happy birthday to her daughter's friend
17:08Happy birthday to you happy birthday to you happy birthday dear Margaret
17:13Happy birthday to you and Mandy more
17:20Love you hope you have an awesome day
17:25Said they just hit me I got my car wreck call you back
17:33Oh someone hit me
17:35Oh, yeah, it's probably their fault, wouldn't it?
17:37Yeah
17:39Excuse in the club, but I'm really sorry. I was jazz hands
17:45Take photos all the time up. My mom's got about 15 photos of me, right?
17:48But now I like on your mobile phone. You take I've got about 20 of a pigeon. I saw on a slide the other day
17:55Ryland you take a lot of photos. What have you got of me?
17:58We've got a selection of dick pics. I thought that the injunctions stop that
18:05I've never said a dick pic. I mean I struggle getting a good angle of my face
18:09Never mind that
18:11Sad little albino slug I've got there
18:15Take it from the top
18:17Well, I don't know if it's the best angle, but I've like that's what they did
18:21That's it or hard
18:25Maybe my guys just like me more
18:30Thing is really weird
18:32I had this round with a guy
18:34And you might agree with this because he was saying it's because men are roused more quickly by something visual where sometimes women take longer
18:39His evidence for that was that and women don't open their eyes when you go down on them
18:44And obviously I can't answer for all women. I can't answer that
18:47I just have to say this if you're going down on a woman and her eyes are closed
18:52That is not because we are not visual it's because of what it looks like from where we are
18:56What it looks like is the scene in Titanic where Kate Winslet is on a door
19:02Leonardo DiCaprio is popping around
19:09And he's freezing to death
19:12We keep our eyes closed because it's too sad
19:17It is tougher in the winter though
19:19That job is tougher in the winter
19:20What?
19:21If you haven't got the eating on you're out the covers down there
19:23It's an absolute
19:24Oh, yeah, yeah
19:25It's drafty up the arse, isn't it?
19:29That's a nightmare, you start trying to pull it back down, she's freezing
19:35Okay, let's have a look and see if our cameras are up there
19:39Yes, indeed, it's using the camera
19:41Personally, I've never sent a dick pic, I do things the old-fashioned way
19:50I send ladies a brass rubbing of my junk
19:54A survey's found more than a third of Brits have taken a selfie at a funeral
19:57I had to take a few, Nana had her eyes closed
19:59So those were the top three things people use their mobile phone for but of course other uses are booking taxis
20:14Uber plan to launch flying taxis by 2023
20:17Exciting times
20:18Imagine being trapped inside a metal box in the sky with a potential sex offender
20:22Dating apps are all well and good but there is an issue
20:27Some men create false identities online and that can be very dangerous for vulnerable 18-year-old cheerleaders like me
20:38I don't want to make a big deal about it, but I recently completed Grindr
20:42The big boss at the end was really hard
20:46So at the end of that round Rob, Oti and Russell have three points
20:48Sarah Ryland and Maisie have two points
20:50Time now for a bonus round so Rob Sarah join me in the middle we're gonna play hey who's on the phone?
20:59We're gonna play hey who's on the phone?
21:01Can we have some dramatic lighting please?
21:13Oh yeah, okay Sarah if you dial the last number on this phone you may or may not connect with former heavyweight world champion David Hay
21:16Hey Rob you've just got a guess if David Hay is on the phone or if she's bluffing
21:23Okay, okay, so dial the last number on this phone
21:25I'm gonna get you I'm gonna get you to turn around so you can't see each other
21:28Okay, so he's just gonna listen to me how do I?
21:31How do you use your phone?
21:33Yeah, got it, got it
21:34He's just gonna listen to me
21:35Is he? Is he? Is he? Is he? He's not gonna see my face?
21:37You can see my face, he's looking away
21:38I can't see anything
21:39He can't see anything, he's gotta guess
21:41So Rob you're allowed to ask questions
21:42He speaks to David Hay
21:45That's a great first question
21:46Hello David Hay
21:48Hello David Hay
21:49Hi
21:51Hi
21:53Hello David Hay
21:54Hi
21:56Hi
21:57David hey the boxer and how are you? Oh you first fine. Thank you
22:08He's in the hotel in London
22:11Okay, so what's your favorite thing about being a boxer?
22:15He likes to hurt people
22:21To win the world heavyweight title
22:27The question is who did you beat to be the heavyweight champion of the way the heavyweight champion of the world? Oh
22:33It's a nice memory. Is it okay?
22:39Russian guy. Yeah, no that much
22:45Heavyweight ever in the history of boxing so you beat him
22:49It's a bit old you haven't remembered his name David
22:53Blows to the head
22:55And was it a long match long much you call them matches or games the fire snowman
23:08Okay, so it really knows her boxing she could be bluffing
23:14Ask how told how tall is David hey
23:16I mean how tall are you?
23:18I mean how tall are you?
23:21Definitely over six foot
23:22Definitely over six foot
23:23Okay, so Rob I would like to know if you think
23:27David hey is on the phone or not. Well, I think everything Sarah said was wrong
23:33So I think she may be bluffing me and I think she's talking to David hey and pretending not to know the answers
23:39So I think David Hayes on the phone you think David Hayes on the phone. Okay, let's see if David. Hey is on the phone
23:45Turn around to reveal
23:47It's David hey
23:49I love you
23:51David hey everyone
23:53Everyweight boxing champion
23:55It's the maximum acting skills, but Rob gets the point and round of applause for both of them
23:57Who's David hey? Thank you very much David hey?
23:59Thank you
24:01Bye, goodbye David
24:05I'll leave this on if you want to watch the rest
24:07Yeah go on, new scenes, what's going on
24:09I've enjoyed it so far
24:11So we can watch the rest of the show
24:33Welcome back to our ten cats our next round is pick of the polls Rob Russell Oti. What do you like the look of?
24:38We'll pick Oti
24:42You've gone with Oti. Okay, most people wish their partner was a better dancer true or false?
24:46True
24:48I mean I work on a show when we get celebrities to dance better so I'd assume if you have to sleep with them at night
24:53You don't have to but you do
24:55You do
24:59Shot fired! Shot fired!
25:01Well I meant if you're with them or you're married to them you prefer them to dance better
25:07If you're with them or if you're married to them sometimes you get confused don't you?
25:11If you went out with a guy who wasn't a dancer have you found that men are very intimidated by you?
25:16Um as you pass Adobly across to them
25:22How long have you been with your husband?
25:23Seven years
25:24Seven years and then before that were you always dating dancers?
25:26No I never dated dancers before that
25:28So what was the last job the guy had?
25:30He was an IT technician
25:32And did that turn you on and then turn you off again?
25:34I don't want my wife to be a better dancer but even if I did I wouldn't tell her
25:41Yeah imagine that like getting home from work and like getting the kids to bed doing a bit of dinner and going oh
25:48You're such a you know wonderful woman and great mum but you're dancing
25:54Just need because it's at the moment
25:57Just work on that please
25:59I see I think this is gonna I'm gonna sound sexist now but I think women in general are much better dancers than men
26:06Because my sister's hen do going to see male strippers is so different to going to see female strippers because it's hysterical
26:13My sister accidentally head-butted one
26:16He lay her down on the floor so that he could grind on her and she just thought oh no this isn't for me and tried to stand up and she got him
26:23Yeah
26:25And also Annie reckons that she got a pubic lice in her eye
26:28No!
26:29When someone's sweating and gyrating
26:31Yeah but that's so Annie
26:32That's so Annie
26:34Annie
26:35My personal trainer used to be a stripper
26:37Yeah
26:38And he has some incredible stories from back in the day
26:40One of which includes he like got home and like the next morning woke up and went I'm like a bit
26:44I feel like there's something down there and it was a an enormous fingernail in his ballsack
26:48Sarah you're missing a nail
26:53Are you good dancer Sarah?
26:54I don't know
26:55I'm like conga at a wedding like if there were badges I've got that one
26:59And even that I'm not very good at
27:01There's so many things to think about in terms of you don't want to lead it too much pressure
27:05And also you don't want to split off into a smaller conga
27:08Oh
27:09And that's what I thought about Theresa May's dancing actually
27:11Because she did look like someone who thought she was going to be followed by a line of people
27:16All doing it together
27:18Oh yeah
27:19Metaphor for Brexit
27:20No one's fucking joining in
27:24Ryland are you a good dancer?
27:26I always have good like after a couple of drinks like I'll have a go
27:29Yeah
27:30You've got a clip of you dancing
27:31Here you are with Britney Spears on stage at the O2
27:34Take a look at these incredible scenes
27:36You and Britney
27:50So you're at the O2 in London, Britney's on stage and you got up with Britney?
27:55Yeah, she asked me to get up
27:57She does this part of the tour where she puts someone on a lead and spanks them and blips them
28:02And I was like, yeah, fuck it
28:06You wish your partner was a better dancer? Russell, are you a good dancer?
28:08Well, I did dress up once as Beyonce on television and learnt the whole of Crazy in Love
28:12And I was single at the time and that was the most female attention I ever had from anything I did on TV
28:18Was when I dressed as a woman and danced
28:21I went out with this one girl for a few times obviously didn't sleep with her straight away
28:25That's true
28:26And er
28:27Getting right to the vital moment, you know
28:29And all the clothes kind of
28:30And she honestly stopped and said, can you just do something for me?
28:33She said, can you do the Beyonce dance right at the vital moment?
28:36You know, when you were like in your pants and shit like that
28:38Did she put a ring on it?
28:42I think it's a generational thing as well though as to how good a dancer you are
28:46Like my mum's a decent dancer because she was a punk in the 70s
28:49So she was like rebellious in a youth
28:51Like my generation, I think unless the song tells us move by move what to do
28:56We don't know, like I only know if it's DJ Casper and he tells me to slide to the left
29:01To take it back now y'all
29:03That's all
29:05If without that I can't do it
29:07So most of us, we're only ever, we're not going to dance professionally
29:09But we're going to dance at weddings and social functions
29:11What tips could you give us for dancing?
29:13Er, my rec, oh sorry
29:15Oh sorry
29:16Ok what do we all get up, come on get everyone here
29:17Ok I'm doing it
29:18Ok you few tips
29:19Ok
29:20Ok, I'm doing it
29:20Ok you're going to give some tips
29:21I'm doing it
29:22Ok
29:23An incredible dancer
29:24I'm like uh
29:24Well i'm. a remarkable dance
29:26Ok so what would be so dancing at a wedding super simple
29:28I'm I need a pro
29:32So what do you got? What do you go for it? There you go side cross side step, okay?
29:38I think I can do that so sorry cross
29:44Jesus
30:02There is a chance Oti you're gonna get pregnant during this period
30:18Okay, let's have some music and we'll see
30:32Oh
31:02Let's get some answers on this. So most people wish their partner was a better dancer. What are you gonna say true or false Rob?
31:15Yeah, we think yes you think yes
31:17You think false well, I can tell you the answer is false only 41% of people wish their partner was a better dancer
31:28My girlfriend dances like she makes love with other people
31:32I have two left feet. I keep them in my special freezer in the basement
31:45So the end of that round is three points for ob steam and three points of a Sarah's team
32:02Welcome back to our ten cats and the winner is is the name of our final round. Here's your first one worst thing about gyms
32:13Is it gym selfies?
32:15They're the word you know when people go to the gym and take a photo
32:20In in the mirror of the gym and it's always with a proper dickhead pose and it's like
32:27It's only people who would shag their own reflection if they could
32:31It's not nice. It's always the same people as well. There's that these particular breed of men they grunt
32:36No, no one to do in public if you can't do it quietly do it in the garden
32:46We're taking this outside
32:49You go to the gym a lot I need for like a latte
32:54I actually think the worst thing in gyms is nudity in the changing rooms. Oh, fuck I might go
32:59And last time I went to a gym, there's a woman who is using a hairdryer to dry her pubic hair
33:08Another woman a lovely treat though is now home
33:17For the last time you do not have a clit
33:21The other woman that was there was having to use a hand dryer to do her head hair
33:26So she was naked and bent down on all fours
33:32What do you think worst thing? Well, this is a bit more particular to me
33:35But I've had to change the day I go to the gym so used to go to the same day at the same time and I go to the steam room after
33:42But every time I went in there there was this like his 95 year old bloke
33:46Sitting in there looks like
33:48So old I thought I'm gonna find him dead in there
33:51It's a horrible thing to do
33:54You're a real humanitarian, yeah
33:56I've just changed the day
33:58I've just changed the day
33:59Someone else find him
34:00Russell, you look as if you keep yourself in pretty good shape
34:02Well, I come from the same neck of the woods as Ryland and Essex gym is a frickin' nightmare
34:06Oh, yeah
34:07It's full of
34:08Look, men, I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, ladies
34:10But I'm not sure there's that many women who actually want men that look like the men that are filling these gyms
34:16I've spoke to these guys
34:17I'm like, do you really, you know
34:18Are you sure that's what, you know, a woman
34:20Yeah, it's what a woman wants
34:2116 stone, 3% body fat, back acne, needle holes on the thighs, tiny penis, suspicious temper
34:26It's what a woman's looking for
34:31I know it is
34:32Do you ever go to the gym?
34:35Yeah, I do go to the gym
34:37But I get annoyed when you, for me, it's the women that get there, do their makeup, take a selfie
34:43They're just there for coffee
34:48Do you want anyone, maybe?
34:50Yeah, I'm a good friend
34:51Do you want to throw down?
34:52No, no, no, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good
34:53I think she could take me, so no
34:56The only time I did a tricep extension at a gym
34:58You know the one where you go across the bench and you're doing like that?
35:00Yeah
35:01Yeah
35:02I didn't know but my balls were poked out of my shorts
35:05Someone was filming it and every time I extended the tricep the balls expanded like those trolls you used to squeeze on holiday with the eyes
35:13Okay, so worst things about the gym, let's get the proper answers, what do you think?
35:17Smells like crutch
35:19That's what I like about it
35:22The money, the joining fee
35:23I'll give you that, that is close enough
35:25It is paying but not going to the gym
35:27Ah
35:28That is odd
35:29Yeah
35:30Yes, the worst thing about the gym is paying but not going
35:33Paying for the gym but not using the gym is a massive waste
35:36Just like the massive waste around the middle of people who pay for the gym but don't go
35:41Most disappointing thing about being a grown-up
35:44Oh, there's loads of it, radiators
35:51Talking to your father or not about motorways
35:56Yeah, reading to my kids does my nothing
35:59Yeah, I'll back you on that
36:00When Mina was little I used to read the whole story like Goldilocks comes in and now I'm like, yeah, Goldilocks are bears, like, wankers the end
36:07What do you think, Sarah? What's the most important thing about being a grown-up?
36:09Well, you just get fatter and older
36:11And the thing is
36:13Don't ever go on me, Sarah
36:14I mean, I'm trying to host a show here
36:16It's no good for my self-esteem
36:18I think it's when you're a teenager and you think you couldn't possibly hate yourself anymore
36:22And then you just get fatter and older from there and you keep looking back at old photos
36:28because now they're all there on the Facebook going
36:30I was fine
36:31Yeah
36:32I was so miserable
36:33I'm so much fatter and older now
36:35Where would it stop?
36:36With death
36:39Night, everyone
36:41You find a way to...
36:42Oh, sorry
36:43That was right, Maisie
36:44She needs to be stopped
36:46Is it that you don't use a parachute nearly as much as you thought you were gonna from school?
36:51Yeah
36:52Because if you're furiously, like, wafting a parachute when you're a grown-up
36:55It means you're about to die
36:57But back then it just meant that the teacher had forgotten the lesson plan
37:00Yeah
37:01You did this at school?
37:02Yeah
37:03Is that a thing?
37:04Yeah, you'd come into the gym and they'd go grab a bit of the parachute
37:07We'll hold the parachute and just have a flap about
37:10Yeah
37:11And then there was a game where one kid would get under and one kid would get on
37:15It was called cat and mouse
37:16And the kid on the top just had to find the kid under
37:19What?
37:20Just by whacking bits of air
37:22Until eventually it was like
37:24Got you, Neil
37:25And Neil
37:26And Neil
37:27Most annoying thing about being a grown-up?
37:29What do you think, Sarah?
37:30What annoys you?
37:31I think one of the difficult things is that by the time you've got the money to do something
37:34You don't want to do it anymore
37:35Like by the time you can afford to go to V Festival
37:38You shouldn't be there
37:39You're too old
37:41What do you think, what's the most annoying thing about being a grown-up?
37:44Paying taxes
37:46What?
37:47Yes, that would say
37:48Oh
37:49I mean, no, it's literally a kind of what she said
37:50It's like once you're able to afford stuff you get a letter in the post that says
37:51Look, half a bit of my own stuff
37:52A letter in the post?
37:53I had a knock on the fucking door
37:54I said
37:55I said
37:56I said
37:57I said
37:58I said
37:59I said
38:00I said
38:01I said
38:02I said
38:03I said
38:04I said
38:05I said
38:06I said
38:07I said
38:08I said
38:09Russell, what do you think?
38:10The loss of romance as you get older
38:13This is when you know the romance is dead
38:16When your partner farts in the kitchen and you think they're speaking to you
38:21What was that?
38:22Do you love me?
38:24Ryland
38:25Most disappointing thing about being a grown-up?
38:27I think
38:28Especially as a man
38:29It's like when you
38:31Look at yourself in the mirror
38:32Like after you've got out of the shower
38:34And you start to realise that
38:37Your willy
38:38Is now
38:39Higher than your balls
38:44Do you know what I'm saying?
38:45Your balls now longer than your dick
38:47My balls are lower than my penis
38:50I'm very lucky
38:51Because I've got tiny balls
38:55That's the wrong time to look
38:56Because the heat of the bath makes your testicles get further away from your body
38:59So that's the worst time to look this
39:01If you're colder your balls would be closer
39:03Because they need to be a different
39:05I'm all right
39:07I'm all right
39:12So is it best to look at your balls when you're opening the fridge?
39:15Yeah
39:16Good lighting then it's cold
39:19OK, let's get some answers
39:21That realisation that there is not an X Factor spot in life
39:24If you just want it enough
39:26If only you dream about it enough it'll come true
39:28There's no X Factor spot in life
39:30Well
39:31Yeah
39:36You couldn't have got that any more wrong
39:39With present company, yeah
39:40You're not going to go on some reality TV show and make it
39:42Other than
39:45OK, most disappointing thing about growing up
39:47I think you almost got it with taxes
39:49Almost
39:50Oh, related
39:51Paying bills
39:52Of course these days a lot of young people save on bills by getting their gas and electric from the same provider
40:02Their mum
40:04Also on the list is going grey
40:06I like to think of myself as a bit of a silver fox because my hair is going grey
40:09And I shriek like a banshee when I'm fucking
40:20Well that sound tells me it's the end of the round and the end of the show
40:22Which means the final scores are
40:23It's a dead heat, everyone's a winner
40:27Thanks to all our fans, our wonderful studio audience
40:29To all of you for watching at home
40:30That's it from us
40:31Good night
40:34Meet Meg
40:35Who would rather give up a good date and time of their crush to get back to our online game
40:40Watch dead pixels on all four
40:42And there's no dating apps and no filters
40:44So I guess we're just standing in the mood then
40:46Naked attraction is next