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AmusantTranscription
00:00Lawson, prepare to meet thy doom.
00:01Don't make me laugh, Dettweiler.
00:03We creamed you guys last year and we'll do it again this year.
00:05Oh, I'm shaking in my high-tops.
00:06Spare us, Lawson. We've seen you fifth-graders practice.
00:09Yeah, you guys womp.
00:11What was that, Dettweiler?
00:12You heard me. You guys womp.
00:14That's it, Dettweiler. It's go time.
00:15Hey, chill out, Lawson.
00:16Womp is just TJ's word. It doesn't mean anything.
00:19Huh? What are you talking about?
00:20You don't know?
00:21TJ's the kid who'll never get in trouble for swearing.
00:23Because of the verb, to womp.
00:24The verb to what?
00:25It all started back in second grade.
00:29Sorry I got you sent to the wall, Vince.
00:31Every kid knows you're not supposed to cuss in school.
00:32Hey, I laughed and repeated it.
00:34It's just... boogerhead.
00:36That's a classic.
00:37You know what we need, Vince?
00:38We need a word that will never get us in trouble.
00:39A word that doesn't mean anything.
00:41That way, when we stub a finger playing wall ball
00:42or spill out cocoa in our laughs...
00:44We can yell without ending up at the wall.
00:45Neat.
00:46But what's the word?
00:47It's gotta be something short, sweet and meaningless.
00:50How about... sprocket?
00:51I think that's the part of a tractor.
00:52Borscht?
00:52That's some sort of dessert.
00:53Flam?
00:54Too gross.
00:55Oh, man. This making up stuff, womps.
00:58Womps, that's it.
00:59No giving skin at the wall!
01:02So you mean, womps doesn't mean anything?
01:04You got it.
01:05Cool.
01:07Oh, man.
01:08We got so wound up in Detweiler's story, we missed recess.
01:10It's just womps.
01:12What did you say, Detweiler?
01:13I just said it's womps.
01:14That's it, Mr. Potty Mouth.
01:15It's the principal's office for you.
01:17March.
01:17But, Mr. Fixer, you don't understand.
01:20Guys, we gotta do something.
01:21Bad language is an automatic level for detention.
01:24Oh, come on.
01:25How could they possibly punish TJ for saying a word he invented?
01:28This is a very serious situation.
01:29A very serious situation indeed.
01:31We can't have bad language in school.
01:33I know, sir, but...
01:33You see, bad language undermines authority.
01:35It demonstrates impertinence, disrespect, laziness.
01:37But all I said was...
01:38I know what you said.
01:39I can't keep up with you kids and your gutter slang,
01:41but Ms. Fisker assures me it's filthy.
01:43I have no choice but to give you detention level 5.
01:45Level 5?
01:46Man, this womps.
01:46Make that level 6.
01:48Are you ready to push me any further?
01:50Four o'clock.
01:51Oh, man. How long are they gonna keep him in there?
01:54I hope you've learned your lesson, son.
01:55Know this, I've alerted the entire faculty.
01:57Your little word is now officially forbidden.
02:00Were they tough on you in there, teach?
02:01Did they let you do your homework?
02:02Or go to the bathroom?
02:03Sure, Gus.
02:04But a trip to the boys' room can't buy back what they took from me.
02:06What'd they take?
02:07They took my word.
02:08They made it into something ugly and unclean.
02:10Well, two can play that game.
02:11Or 200.
02:12What do you mean, TJ?
02:13Guys, I got a plan.
02:15Okay, boys and girls.
02:16Here's the fun part.
02:17Let's name our kickball teams.
02:18Uh, okay, Mr. Kluge.
02:20We're gonna be the Wild Fish.
02:22Very clever, son.
02:24Vince?
02:24Watch out, Wild Fish.
02:25We're the Wompers.
02:26Yay!
02:29Well, Sal, that word is off-limits.
02:30You know that.
02:31Principal's office. Pronto.
02:34It's begun.
02:36Hi, Mrs. Lunch Lady.
02:37I'd like the Sol's Bear Steak, please.
02:39With black-eyed peas and a big whompin' helping of mashed jams.
02:43Oh, dear.
02:44Now I have to send you to the principal's office.
02:49Yee-haw!
02:50I'm shooting for 3,000 pumps!
02:52A world-wide record!
03:00Those platforms, too.
03:01So tell me when you're ready.
03:02I'm ready.
03:03I'm ready.
03:04I'm ready.
03:05I'm ready.
03:06I'm ready.
03:07I'm ready.
03:08I'm ready.
03:09I'm ready.
03:10I'm ready.
03:11I'm ready.
03:12Those platforms, too.
03:13So tell me when you're ready.
03:14Whoa!
03:23Name your class, hamster.
03:24Wompy, you people should be ashamed of yourselves.
03:26Out!
03:27Miss Lemon, please tell me these kids are here to present me with the world's best principal plaque.
03:31Nope, just more kids saying the W word.
03:33I can't stand it anymore.
03:34I haven't had a moment's peace in days.
03:36That's it.
03:37Out of my office.
03:38Sign your names on the sheet by the door and get out of here.
03:43Who the heck is Wompy Womperson?
03:48Desperate times call for desperate measures.
03:53Board of Ed Special Services.
03:54Prickly here from 3rd Street.
03:55Yeah.
03:56I've got a situation.
03:57One of my bad apples has spoiled a whole bunch, if you know what I mean.
03:59You've got to help me.
04:01Hold.
04:06Okay, we're sending over Mr. White.
04:07White? You mean the cleaner?
04:08That's right.
04:09If anyone can solve your problem, it's him.
04:10And Prickly.
04:11Yes?
04:12Don't use this line again.
04:14Let's see those little whoppers laugh now.
04:22Look! A Kowalski Z-77 Blackhawk!
04:24With Board of Ed insignia!
04:42Thank goodness you're here, Mr. White.
04:44Now about this bad language situation.
04:46I was thinking we could institute a nickel-per-use law.
04:48Show me to your office, Prickly.
04:49I'd like some Darjeeling tea and six vanilla cream sandwich cookies on a China plate.
04:52But this isn't tea time.
04:53It's an emergency.
04:54It's time for action.
04:55First tea.
04:56Then action.
05:00Who was that guy?
05:01Ted Weiler!
05:03Someone wants to see you.
05:06So that's the whole story, Mr. White.
05:08I just made a mistake.
05:09So that's the whole story, Mr. White.
05:10I just made a word up.
05:11It doesn't mean anything at all.
05:12I understand completely, TJ.
05:14You seem like a fine, well-meaning young man.
05:16You needn't worry about this anymore.
05:18Thanks a lot, Mr. White.
05:22Prickly, this W word is a cancer.
05:24It must be removed.
05:25Removed?
05:26It's that serious?
05:27Serious?
05:28You heard the word dang?
05:29Yes.
05:30Well, dang started out as a harmless replacement for a certain bad word.
05:32But it spread like wildfire across playgrounds and gymnasiums.
05:34Today, it's no longer a stand-in for a bad word,
05:36but a full-blown bad word in its own right.
05:38I had no idea.
05:39I let that one get away from me, Prickly.
05:40Well, I'm not about to let that happen again.
05:42The Womp stops here.
05:44How exactly do we do that?
05:46By making an example of the boy who sparked the fire.
05:48An example?
05:49Good, good.
05:50But how?
05:51It's already in the works.
05:52Kids of the playground!
05:53I talked to their man, White.
05:54He assured me this whole thing was a misunderstanding.
05:57From this day forth,
05:58no kid will ever again get in trouble for saying the word Womps.
06:03TJ Kentwiler, freeze!
06:05You others, step away from the kid!
06:07Son, you're coming with us.
06:09TJ! TJ! TJ! TJ! TJ!
06:14It was then that Mr. Kentwiler uttered a word so vile
06:17that I cannot bring myself to utter it in these hallowed halls.
06:20A word so dangerous, ladies and gentlemen,
06:22that if left unchecked,
06:23its usage could wind its way into our children's vernacular,
06:25eventually causing society to crumble
06:27and civilization as we know it to come to an end.
06:29I love that man.
06:31Superintendent Skinner, your decision is clear.
06:33Make an example of this miscreant.
06:35Expel him with extreme prejudice.
06:36That way, no child will ever use this word again.
06:39The Board of Education rests.
06:43Thank you, Mr. White.
06:44Eloquent, powerful, and not just a little frightening.
06:47Theodore J. Dentwiler,
06:48based on the evidence presented here,
06:50I have no choice but to sentence you to...
06:51Wait!
06:52Superintendent Skinner, I have a witness.
06:54My old professor, Dr. Reginald Dice,
06:56weathers me PhD.
06:57Slangologist.
06:58Slango-what?
06:59Slangologist, sir.
07:00Dr. Dice is an expert in American slang,
07:02and he's agreed to speak on TJ's behalf.
07:04What up, Highbinder?
07:05I'm here to lay it out straight for the kin.
07:08Very well, uh, doctor.
07:09Uh, uh, proceed.
07:11Chill, shawty, and let me do the bobberin'.
07:12It's all good.
07:13What did he say?
07:14Got me.
07:15Pipe this, Hammer Man.
07:16TJ was just a boogler
07:17heppin' his economists to a real gasser.
07:19You can't ditch the kins for aggin' a prize.
07:21You're tootin' the wrong ringer, man.
07:22The big W ain't a word ace.
07:23That's the crap.
07:24This biggity egg don't hold no air.
07:26Superintendent, this man disgusts me to the core.
07:28I demand his testimony be stricken from the record
07:30and that he be forcibly removed from the courtroom.
07:33I doubt this man is even an expert.
07:34I question his credentials.
07:35How dare you question my credentials, sir?
07:37I did not spend 12 years
07:38studying at the world's finest universities
07:40just to be slandered by the likes of some civil servant.
07:42Civil servant?
07:43Why, you pink-legged...
07:44Jack-booted dog!
07:45...comic brainiac!
07:50Superintendent Skinner,
07:51can I please speak for myself?
07:52Well, it's highly unusual in these hearings,
07:54but so is everything else here today.
07:56Go ahead, son.
07:57Sir, I know Dr. Dice is trying to help me,
07:59but the stuff he's saying, the way he talks,
08:01is from a whole other time.
08:02I also get what Mr. White's trying to say.
08:04New words just scare him, that's all.
08:05But the thing is, sir,
08:06making up words and stuff
08:07is part of what being a kid's all about.
08:09We love to make up names for junk.
08:10We're not looking for trouble.
08:11The fact is,
08:12I invented that word to stay out of trouble.
08:14And now,
08:15just because someone thinks my word sounds bad,
08:16I have to stand here today defending myself.
08:18I don't mean to be rude, sir,
08:19but if you ask me,
08:20this whole thing lumps.
08:21Young man, how dare you!
08:23Sir, I tried to keep that terrible word out of the courtroom,
08:25but as you can see, this young man has no regard for...
08:26Whoa, whoa, whoa!
08:27Wait a minute!
08:28Mr. White,
08:29what terrible word are we talking about here?
08:31Well, the word is...
08:32Whomps, sir.
08:33Whomps?
08:34White, are you telling me
08:35this entire proceeding is over the word Whomps?
08:37Ah, yes.
08:38That's correct.
08:41Sir, I fail to see what's so funny.
08:43The word!
08:44That's what's so funny, White.
08:45Whomps!
08:46It's a funny word.
08:47No, it isn't, sir.
08:48It's shameful filth.
08:49Its meaning is clearly obscene.
08:51Doesn't mean anything obscene to me.
08:52How about you, young lady?
08:53Does Whomps mean anything obscene to you?
08:55Me? No.
08:56I think it's just a clever and creative way
08:57to say how unpleasant.
08:58And you, sir?
08:59Oh, to me, it means something's repelling or offensive.
09:01That or bodacious.
09:02And you?
09:03I think it's cute.
09:04It sounds vaguely French.
09:05Sounds like a type of fish to me.
09:06And I think it's funny.
09:07Anyone who hears dirty meaning in this Whomps word
09:10probably has a dirty mind to begin with.
09:11The Board of Education has no control
09:13over what goes on inside people's minds.
09:15Hard as we try.
09:16I, therefore, find Theodore J. Detweiler not guilty.
09:23That means you're expected to be...