• il y a 8 mois
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Amusant
Transcription
00:00 [Music]
00:04 Well, I remember a dark time in my life
00:06 And I'm not talking about the day I was locked in a closet for 6 hours
00:09 No, I'm talking about the time I was forced to go to a dark place to study
00:12 Just because this asshole from Charlemagne had this crazy idea one day to invent the school
00:16 I'm talking about a place where you had to raise your hand to talk and ask the teacher permission to go pee
00:20 Knowing that he could refuse
00:21 Forcing you to pee in your hole and to wipe yourself with paper towel
00:25 It's a pain in the ass, my friend
00:26 No, but wait, people who want to stop you from peeing
00:28 You piss on them, you piss on them, my friend, yeah
00:30 Don't do that, kids, don't piss on your teachers, please
00:32 I'm talking about a school that supposedly had to teach me the basics of life
00:35 Like, if you don't like maths, we don't care, as long as you have the average, it's ok
00:38 Because the important thing is not to understand what you're doing
00:40 Well, no, you shouldn't become intelligent either
00:42 Can you imagine, you realize that you're being taken for a fool from the beginning, wow
00:45 No, the important thing is to be average, to be an average citizen, to have the average
00:48 10, not more, the average, it's very good, the average
00:50 Be average, become great, no, become average
00:52 It's enough for your parents to be happy and that you have your PS5 at Christmas
00:55 But the school also taught me an absolute truth
00:57 If you're different from the others and you wear mittens and a sarouel
01:00 You'll never have friends in the real world
01:01 And you'll have to take refuge either in MMORPGs or in drugs, my friend
01:04 Oh yeah, that's true, I don't have many friends, so I'm drugged with milk
01:07 *sips*
01:08 Ah, I understand, Timothée, I try to stop too, but it's hard, you see
01:11 *sips*
01:12 It's too good, the sperm
01:13 Ah, and one last lesson that the school teaches you
01:15 Don't touch the bottom of the cup, it's disgusting
01:16 There are chewing-gum stuck, dried nose drops, used hoods
01:19 Don't do that, my friend, it's worse than Chernobyl
01:20 But finally, at school, I still spent 15 years of my life
01:23 That's more than half, the maths at least made me use this calculation
01:26 No, I'm kidding, I used my calculator, what do you think?
01:27 You thought I had more than four IQ? No sir
01:29 15 years of my life in which I never really invested myself
01:31 Because spending the day learning things that don't interest me
01:34 Well, spoiler, it doesn't interest me
01:35 There was a clue in the sentence just before, I'll put it in slow motion so it's clearer
01:38 Things that don't interest me
01:41 So to start over on good grounds, we decided to set up a new educational system
01:46 Solving real problems, but not bringing any real solutions, watch out
01:49 So today, let us be your class delegates
01:51 Already, school life, but it's out, we replace it with a giant aquarium
01:55 Because even if it's useless, at least there are some funny little fish in it
01:58 School hours, I analyzed them quite well during my school hours
02:00 Yeah, well, conclusion, it doesn't work, students collect them as if they were Pokemon
02:04 It's like if your dog bit someone, and you bit him to punish him
02:07 It will make them even more violent, it's a vicious circle, it's over, it's out
02:11 We replace it with general interest work, that we'll call "Goulag"
02:14 In tribute to the famous Goulag, invented by Mr. Goulag
02:16 The grades are the same, every grade is supposed to encourage someone
02:19 If the guy has 20, he gets a big head, if the guy has 0, he wants to commit suicide
02:21 In both cases, there's a problem to deal with, it stinks, it's over
02:24 So, we replace grades with emojis, but be careful, not one emoji, not two emojis
02:28 Any kind of emoji
02:29 Like, this means it's good, this means you can do better, and this means you've given the GoloPro
02:33 And the mandatory subjects, it only worked when kids didn't have internet
02:36 Now, who knows, he can become a YouTuber, the bambino, he doesn't give a fuck about civic education
02:40 With Mr. Meshoui at 5 p.m. on Tuesday night
02:42 But yes, you know, the one just after Mrs. Tajine's school class at 4 p.m. on Tuesday night
02:46 Anyway, I'm telling you, when you get to school, it should rather go like this
02:49 "Hello Timothée, so, what do you want to do when you grow up?"
02:52 "Well, I'd like to become a ninja, so I can infiltrate Konoha"
02:55 "That's perfect, Timothée, come over there, we'll train to throw shurikens on your parents"
02:58 And then, we'd have children who grow up, who cultivate their passions
03:01 Look, Timothée, how happy he looks
03:03 Then, I also had a project for the canteen
03:06 Come on, we hire real cooks, like Philippe Echebes, not guys who get out of jail and for whom a knife is useless to cook
03:12 But to plant people in the city after 11 p.m.
03:14 Well, there are also good things in the current education system, I'm not saying it
03:17 Like the few teachers who are not disgusted by their profession to the point of trying to commit suicide with a maligned friend
03:22 Well, I agree, there aren't many, it's a bit like the shiny Pokémon
03:25 But when you find one, you usually remember it all your life
03:27 Ah, and the holidays too, because there's only when you're at school that you have so many holidays
03:30 "But what are you talking about, Youtubers, you're always on vacation"
03:33 Oh, this one is good, look at the freckles I have under my eyes
03:37 There you go, that was a second video about school
03:39 Because it's a start, I invite you to plant the like bar with your friend, I bit my tongue
03:43 And to subscribe to the channel, and go see the Tipeee too, and share the video
03:47 See you later, in the bus, unless it explodes
03:50 Subscribe, subscribe, subscribe, subscribe, subscribe, subscribe, subscribe

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