Abonne toi !
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AmusantTranscription
00:00 [Music]
00:04 Well, today we decided to give you the big one,
00:06 talking about McDonald's.
00:07 By the way, here is a picture of a Big Mac
00:08 that is clearly not true to reality.
00:10 But that will still make you drool,
00:11 every time you see it in the slightest ad.
00:13 While you know it won't be like that in real life,
00:15 it's fake, it's photoshopped.
00:17 But you're still going to go there,
00:18 order your favorite Maxi Best Of menu.
00:20 Because there are people who are paid very expensive
00:22 to fuck you and make sure you come back to eat
00:24 in this big M scene.
00:25 You know, this little chain of bucolic restaurants
00:27 specialized in the creation of mega astronomy.
00:29 At least that's what I would have said,
00:30 if it wasn't just a multinational
00:32 specialized in food, certainly good.
00:34 Mmm, yum yum yum, I'm going to enjoy myself.
00:36 But of poor quality.
00:37 Oh no, I have a stomach ache.
00:38 Which will not prevent you from
00:39 eating McNuggets BBQ sauce.
00:41 Be the only sauce really worthy of interest,
00:43 I do not hear you rage.
00:44 Or try any kind of royal burger,
00:46 royal deluxe, royal bacon, royal cheese, royal couscous.
00:49 And since McDo wants above all the happiness of its customers,
00:52 they even created a special menu for the poor.
00:54 The McFerz menu.
00:55 In order to catch cholesterol
00:57 for only 4.95 euros.
00:59 Wow, that's worth it, right?
00:59 Or a menu specially designed for children,
01:02 aka the happy meal.
01:03 Better known, or even only known
01:05 under the name of Happy Meal.
01:06 In which you will find the same thing as for adults,
01:08 but in reduced quantities,
01:09 as well as a nice little toy
01:11 which will probably end up in a trash can.
01:12 Or in the stomach of your child
01:14 if his supervision or his education
01:16 have been neglected,
01:16 unworthy parents.
01:17 And if McDonald's can provide a quality service
01:20 and enrich themselves on the back of the big guys,
01:21 it's thanks to valuable soldiers,
01:23 better known as versatile team members.
01:25 Not having any cooking skills
01:27 or anything else,
01:27 hired by guys in suit and tie,
01:30 they will give their bodies and souls
01:31 to make your orders.
01:32 While they would rather be
01:34 having their nails ripped by a Vietcong
01:36 than hearing the frying pan beep once again
01:38 or having to repeat once again
01:39 on the spot or to be carried away.
01:40 "Hmmm, fries and coke?
01:41 What sauce do you put in your nuggets?"
01:42 And right now, with the student card
01:44 with a finger in the ass,
01:46 *badum tss*
01:47 can you feel the sun of a guy
01:49 who has prepared thousands of burgers
01:50 without ever spitting in it
01:52 except in the one of this whore of a family?
01:53 Under the abusive authority of a manager
01:55 who thinks he's the king of Big Mac,
01:56 while he's just the king of assholes!
01:58 Yeah, I think the sum is palpable, yeah!
01:59 Because yes, we both worked in a fast food,
02:01 so in addition to having eaten shit,
02:03 we also prepared it.
02:04 And even that sometimes I prepared shit
02:06 to eat it myself right after.
02:07 Well, it was a pimped version
02:08 in double steak mode, double cheese for free,
02:10 because you have to take advantage of the little advantage
02:11 that this job has,
02:12 even if it's not really an advantage
02:14 since it's considered as luck.
02:15 But don't worry, you're considered a thief
02:17 only if you get caught.
02:18 And after a while,
02:18 you even end up developing some techniques
02:20 to make the border go smoothly
02:22 to the nuggets by card.
02:22 I'm not telling you where I hid them,
02:23 otherwise you'll never sleep at night again,
02:25 but you get the idea.
02:26 But finally, since we worked on it
02:27 for two long and endless years,
02:29 one day, you may have eaten a McChicken
02:31 made by my caretakers,
02:32 which, by the way, had to have a dirty face
02:33 because yeah, I didn't give a fuck about it, yeah.
02:35 Since you can imagine that my goal in life
02:36 wasn't to become a McFlurry pro,
02:37 but just to put a little money aside
02:39 to make money in the form of work.
02:40 To then resign without warning
02:42 in dog-like mode
02:43 and go get a maximum of views on YouTube.
02:45 And by a maximum of views,
02:46 I mean, of course, 200 views per video,
02:48 which is the equivalent of 20 cents
02:50 for two weeks of work,
02:51 which is the equivalent of 4 ragibus
02:52 in a tobacco shop.
02:53 And that's it, you're done complaining
02:55 and telling me about your unemployed lives, right?
02:57 Uh, yes, working is hard,
03:00 and nanani, hey, life isn't easy, okay?
03:02 You have to work, you have to earn your money.
03:04 But what's wrong with you, Timothée?
03:05 Why are you talking like a guidance counselor?
03:07 Well, actually, Timothée,
03:08 he's in his Naruto Run class right now,
03:09 so I'm replacing him,
03:10 but I admit, I haven't read his text,
03:11 so I'm doing a full-on impro, look,
03:12 I can say anything, it works.
03:13 Uh, yes, I like eating my dad's poop.
03:16 Anyway, all that to say
03:17 that McDonald's has a lot of issues to discuss.
03:19 Some will say,
03:20 "McDonald's? No, but who do you think I am?
03:21 Oh, it's out of the question
03:22 that I'm encouraging this patriarchal pattern
03:24 generated by capitalism.
03:25 I vote Mélenchon, sir."
03:26 Others will say,
03:27 "Yes, nuggets are crumbled chickpeas,
03:29 yes, it's sad for the chickpea mom,
03:31 but it's so good, damn it!
03:32 With barbecue sauce!"
03:34 And others will say,
03:34 "Oh, fuck, they forgot the sauce again.
03:36 No, but there's still something missing, too.
03:38 Where are the towels, damn it!"
03:40 But the fact is that everyone has already eaten there
03:42 at least once,
03:43 and that everyone will eat there
03:44 at least once, of course.
03:45 Because remember one thing,
03:46 people are paid very high
03:48 to make sure that you come back as you are.
03:51 Voilà, that was the not-so-surprising summary of McDonald's,
03:54 but it also works with all the other fast-foods,
03:55 just change the name of the burger and it's good.
03:57 Send your deluxe sauce in the like bar,
03:59 comment the name of your favorite burger,
04:00 even if I don't give a fuck,
04:02 and don't hesitate to give us 4,95€ on Tipeee
04:04 so we can pay ourselves a McFirst menu.
04:06 Bye!
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