Leading Edge 2019 | Allan Pease On How To Use Non-Verbal Communication As A Tool In Business
Known as Mr Body Language, he has given advice to leaders of several nations and biggest corporate names on how to read between the lines. At #LeadingEdge2019, Allan Pease of Pease International showed the audience the art of understanding people without a spoken word.
#LeadingEdge2019 #AllanPease #Business #OutlookBusiness #OutlookMagazine #OutlookGroup
#LeadingEdge2019 #AllanPease #Business #OutlookBusiness #OutlookMagazine #OutlookGroup
Transcript
00:00 [Music]
00:06 And we're going to look at people who you see in the news
00:09 who are trying to tell you that they're feeling a certain feeling and emotion.
00:12 We're going to pick it apart and say, is that really true or not?
00:15 Now, I do this sort of work with individual corporations,
00:19 with companies who maybe are CEOs on one hand.
00:21 On the other hand, I also work with weather forecasters on television
00:24 because a weather forecaster normally is not a meteorologist.
00:27 It's some guy who's working at the station.
00:30 But they've got to be believable and credible
00:32 so when you listen to the weather, it sounds like the weather might be true.
00:35 I also work with professional actors, professional liars,
00:38 such as lawyers and accountants and others who maybe are...
00:42 In the case of a lawyer, a lawyer has to defend somebody
00:46 when the lawyer may well know that person did the crime,
00:48 but their job is to defend them and put up a case of reasonable doubt.
00:52 So when you look at people, can you work out what's going on in the scene?
00:56 Now, if you've got a female brain,
00:59 it doesn't necessarily mean you're a woman
01:01 because one in five men has a female brain.
01:04 In fact, three out of five of you men in the room, you have XY chromosomes,
01:08 you look like a man and you think like a man.
01:10 That's your operating system.
01:11 One out of five of you look like a man, but you're thinking like a woman.
01:14 Now, this doesn't mean you're gay.
01:16 There's a greater chance that could be the case,
01:19 but it means that you're probably a straight guy who makes friends quickly,
01:22 you talk a lot and can't remember where you parked your car
01:25 and you keep hitting things.
01:28 That's one in five men.
01:29 Three out of five men look like a man, think like a man.
01:32 One in five is in between.
01:33 They're the hardest group to pick.
01:34 For women, it's about the same statistic.
01:37 Three out of five of you have two X chromosomes,
01:39 you look like a woman and you think like one.
01:41 One in five of you look like a woman, you think like a man.
01:44 And you're living with the guy who thinks like a woman.
01:46 Did you know that?
01:48 In fact, if you think of all the relationships you know with people,
01:50 one in five relationships of couples you know,
01:53 she's really the guy and he's really the woman.
01:56 And you probably say to yourself, "How does that work?"
01:58 Well, it does, because it's a female brain is attracted to a male brain
02:01 despite the body it's sitting in.
02:03 Does that make sense?
02:04 And the reason for this, which we'll come back to later,
02:07 is one of my favourite scenes.
02:09 Donald Trump's first year of presidency,
02:11 he spent a lot of time talking about European leaders
02:14 and how these guys were a complete waste of time.
02:17 They're spending all this money on stupid things like the Paris climate change,
02:20 they're spending things on trade wars.
02:22 "In America," he says, "we're not going to be involved in that.
02:24 We're getting out of that.
02:26 We're sick of being ripped off by you," is what he said.
02:29 And then he turned up for his first meeting at the first NATO meeting.
02:33 Now, when you look at this scene,
02:35 you'd probably draw the conclusion that the people
02:38 on the right-hand side of the screen, such as Abay,
02:41 these are his friends who are backing him up.
02:44 On this side, we say these are not his friends
02:47 who are not happy with the fact that he's there.
02:49 And I wrote about this online,
02:52 which went very viral, what I said about this,
02:54 and Donald Trump saw it and replied to it,
02:56 and he said - now, the guy got it wrong, that's not what it is -
02:59 he said, "We were talking about holiday vacations in Europe."
03:03 Now, does this look like a holiday vacation in Europe conversation to you?
03:06 No, because 60% to 80% of all the impact of messages
03:10 sent face-to-face by these people and by you is nonverbal.
03:14 It involves no sound at all, 60% to 80%.
03:17 So two-thirds to three-quarters of how you come across to someone
03:20 is the way you look, appear and behave.
03:22 And people who meet you for the first time
03:24 form up to 90% of their impression about you in under four minutes,
03:28 which means if you screw up the first four minutes,
03:30 you are going to struggle to get people on side.
03:33 Now, business today in India, as it is everywhere else in the world,
03:36 is no longer about products.
03:39 What's it about?
03:41 Well, it's about people. It's about people.
03:44 If you can sell yourself to people - if somebody buys you,
03:47 they feel comfortable with you, they feel like you're not threatening,
03:50 you're not intimidating, that you kind of understand them.
03:53 If they buy you, there's a good chance they'll buy whatever goes with you.
03:58 Now, the opposite is true too.
04:00 If they don't buy you for some reason, for whatever reason -
04:02 we're going to talk about some of these reasons -
04:04 if they don't buy you, they'll fight to want to resist and reject
04:08 and even say no to what you want, even if it's a good idea,
04:12 purely because they don't feel a connection.
04:15 I'm not quite sure how Donald Trump felt about this.
04:22 It's a frozen moment in time.
04:24 The key here is that we're not really quite sure what his wife's doing here.
04:28 You've probably got a bit of an idea.
04:30 But the fact is he's just about breaking her fingers there, dragging her forward,
04:33 so he's got a bit of a clue about what could be going on here.
04:37 A very famous handshake that took place about two and a half years ago
04:41 for the last 40 years.
04:43 Every American president has, without success,
04:46 tried to bribe, sanction North Korea to tell them to stop fighting rockets.
04:50 In fact, they bribed them with $280 billion,
04:53 and what happened? The North Koreans used that $280 billion to make more rockets.
04:57 Then they tried to sanction them into obscurity, and that didn't work.
05:00 So Donald Trump took the interesting precedent
05:03 of turning up and buying this guy lunch.
05:06 Now, that was a really important thing to understand what happened there.
05:09 For 40 years, they'd done no good with Kim Jong-un or his father or his grandfather.
05:14 Donald Trump turns up, buys lunch, puts it on his own credit card,
05:18 costing $550 for lunch,
05:21 and suddenly Kim Jong-un is his biggest fan,
05:24 and he stops firing rockets at the rest of us,
05:26 particularly us who live in the Southern Hemisphere,
05:28 because he was threatening to blow us into the next century.
05:31 So he stops firing rockets.
05:33 Now, since then, he's fired six rockets that really haven't had much to do with anything.
05:36 Nobody cares about them much,
05:38 and they've pretty much given it up because he and Donald are like this.
05:42 Now, this is not an equal leader relationship.
05:44 This is a father-son relationship,
05:46 and the interesting thing to look about this handshake is
05:49 Donald's got his hand flat on his back like this.
05:52 Now, I'm going to demonstrate how this works.
05:54 Can I get this gentleman in the front row?
05:56 Can you come and join me for a second, please?
05:58 I'll show you how this works.
06:00 You're likely today in business and social
06:03 to go through this interesting piece of behaviour called a handshake.
06:06 It's a Roman origin.
06:08 Originally, it started 2,000 years ago like this.
06:11 It's painted on Roman vases.
06:13 It was done only between men,
06:15 so leaders of the military, for example -
06:17 stay there if you want, stay there - would meet, and they would do this.
06:20 Now, if his arm was stronger, it would go like this,
06:22 and everybody would say, "He has the upper hand."
06:24 That's an ancient arm-wrestling expression from the Roman era.
06:27 Now, the upper hand was important because if he could get me like this,
06:30 his soldiers had the first food, wine, dining and dancing.
06:33 My guys had to wait their turn.
06:35 I had to go first.
06:36 So the idea was never to give in.
06:38 Look him right in the eye and give a firm handshake,
06:40 which became the basis of Western and then European handshaking.
06:44 And when you shake hands with someone for the first time,
06:47 you get one of three gut feelings right here.
06:49 Stay there, stay there.
06:51 I'll show you what these feelings are.
06:53 OK, let's try this gentleman here.
06:55 OK, how does that feel for you?
06:57 - I'm fine. - You OK with that? Does that feel good?
07:00 - Yeah. - That feels good, yeah.
07:02 In fact, when I shook hands with him, like I say, with his expression,
07:04 the flash, many of his teeth were visible.
07:06 Instantly, he told me, and I could say that I could probably do business with him
07:10 and it'd probably be OK.
07:12 We're off to a good start.
07:14 Let's try this gentleman.
07:16 OK, I'll just check the money.
07:18 No, he didn't get any of that.
07:20 Let's try this fellow here.
07:22 Yeah, he'll do whatever I want this one.
07:24 Now, that's not really how it happened,
07:26 but that's how it happens in real life.
07:28 One person you feel like, "This is going to be good."
07:31 You don't know why, you just get a feeling.
07:33 The second person you think, "Watch it, they're coming on a bit strong."
07:36 And the third person you feel like, "Ha ha ha ha, I'm in charge."
07:40 It has to do with the angle of the hand and the strength.
07:45 Now, in the original position, the hand on top was the winner.
07:49 And that's still the way it is today.
07:51 Now, how you know to decode that is still a bit of a mystery.
07:54 We've got a few hypotheses, but we're not really sure.
07:57 So when we lock hands, if his hand is slightly on top,
08:00 it doesn't have to be right on, just a little bit will do it.
08:02 I'll get a feeling here, he's coming on a bit strong.
08:06 I don't even know why, just he's a little bit strong.
08:10 Now, if it goes the other way, he'll get a feeling,
08:12 "I'm coming on a bit strong."
08:14 So how do you create rapport with someone?
08:16 When you meet someone, how do you create that effect
08:18 that you and I had, sir, on the front row?
08:20 Where suddenly, when you lock hands, you say, "This is going to go well."
08:23 Here's what you do. Keep the palm straight
08:25 and give the same pressure you receive.
08:27 Now, this takes a bit of practice.
08:29 Now, on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 is a knuckle grinder
08:33 and 1 is breakfast sausages.
08:36 OK, so you're about a 7.
08:39 - OK, thank you. - That's right, 7.
08:41 Well, it's not good or bad, it's just the way it is.
08:43 Now, my default position is a 7 as well.
08:46 So when we locked hands together, how'd that feel?
08:48 - That feels all right for me. - OK, very good.
08:51 Yeah, it feels very equal.
08:53 So this guy and I are off to a good start.
08:55 We're now looking for reasons why we might be able
08:57 to cooperate with each other.
08:59 Now, let's say this time you do your 7, I'll give you a 9.
09:03 - How's that? - Great.
09:05 - What do you think about this? - Great.
09:07 - Does that feel OK? - It's hurting.
09:09 It's hurting, OK.
09:11 So as soon as I put the pressure on, he starts thinking,
09:13 "I'm going to watch this guy because there's something about him I don't like."
09:16 What if I give you a 3?
09:19 - You're soft. - Yeah, a bit soft.
09:21 We make this association between strength of personality and handshake,
09:25 isn't exactly accurate, but we do make that.
09:27 So to create rapport with someone, keep the palm straight,
09:30 the next bit takes a bit of practice.
09:32 Give the same pressure you receive. That takes a bit of practice.
09:34 - OK, thank you for that. - Thank you.
09:36 - Give him a round of applause. - What do you do with a woman?
09:38 - What do you do with a woman? - Woman?
09:40 - What do I do with a woman? - Because...
09:42 - I'll tell you that privately. - How do you say that?
09:44 Well, it's a good question.
09:46 What do you do if you're... What if you are a woman,
09:48 you're going to meet some guy who's going to give you a 9?
09:51 I'll put you into place, honey. Crunch!
09:54 Well, if you're a woman, first thing is do not wear any jewellery on your right hand.
09:57 Because if someone does give you a high level 7, 8 or 9,
10:00 if you've got jewellery there, you can draw blood if you've got a sharp stone there.
10:04 And you start the transaction in shock and in pain.
10:08 So with a woman, it's exactly the same,
10:10 except the difference is if you're approaching a man
10:13 and you're uncertain whether he's likely to initiate the handshake.
10:16 Because every woman here has had a situation
10:18 where you've been in a meeting, maybe like a synagogue,
10:21 and everyone's being introduced, and a new guy's introduced,
10:24 and as he comes to you, you raise your hand to give a handshake,
10:27 and he didn't see it.
10:29 So you're dangling in midair.
10:31 Now, you think, "Now, if I can pull this away, maybe they won't notice."
10:35 So as you pull it away, he sees it, now he reaches, but it's gone.
10:38 And so now he pulls back as you... Who's done this?
10:42 Now, the reason that happens between men and women
10:44 is because he wasn't sure what you were going to do,
10:47 and you didn't give notice.
10:48 If you're a woman, here is the secret for shaking hands,
10:51 not only with men, but with anybody.
10:53 In business, absolutely do this.
10:55 As you're walking towards the person,
10:56 start to bring the hand up before you get there.
10:58 Give three steps.
11:00 In other words, you're giving intention
11:02 about what you're going to do when you arrive.
11:04 Now, that's not how it looks, but it would look like this.
11:07 So as you're coming forward, that means this guy
11:10 has three or four seconds to think through what's going to happen.
11:13 You don't catch him by surprise,
11:14 because the worst thing you can do with any man
11:16 is just walk up to him and just whip it out.
11:19 Because he mightn't see it.
11:21 His vision is not tunneled to see down below 45 degrees.
11:23 That leaves you dangling.
11:25 So give notice is what it means.
11:27 Now, what Donald Trump did with Kim Jong-un,
11:29 which was extremely clever,
11:31 he presented his hand with a palm up and said,
11:33 "It's a pleasure to meet you."
11:35 And he let Kim Jong-un...
11:37 Look, Kim Jong-un is like a kid in a candy store.
11:40 He wouldn't have a clue what's going on here.
11:42 But he's got his hand on top,
11:43 and suddenly he feels like he's the king,
11:45 he's the star.
11:46 And the North Korean papers next day wrote,
11:48 "Donald Trump is a great guy,"
11:50 because they let their dear leader have the dominant position,
11:52 even though they didn't really know that's what was happening.
11:55 Donald Trump's done it a few times.
11:57 In fact, Kim Jong-un is so impressed personally by Donald Trump,
12:01 on their last meeting about four months ago,
12:03 which didn't go all that well,
12:05 but on their last meeting,
12:07 Kim Jong-un said he had instructed his hair stylist
12:10 to make his hair look like Donald Trump.
12:13 Now, how's that after 40 years of trying to bribe and bully people?
12:17 He buys Kim Jong-un lunch,
12:19 and then Kim Jong-un wants to change his hairstyle to look like Donald.
12:23 So I started to think,
12:24 what if they both switched hairstyles?
12:26 What would that look like?
12:27 [music]