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00:00Mr. Baldwin, would you like to say anything, Mr. Degas?
00:04I prayed and prayed about this until I was going to pass out.
00:09Your motion to dismiss with prejudice is granted.
00:16This entire thing has been as many things with parenting.
00:20There's been no manual.
00:22We made it home, we made it home.
00:24I've never been through anything like this in my entire life.
00:27Who knows what's the right thing to do?
00:30Oh my!
00:33We're going to go to see Dr. Sultan to check in on what we've been through and what our kids have been through.
00:42I'm nervous to bring Alec to therapy because it has not been something he's been very receptive about in the past.
00:50No one had any idea whatsoever what was going to happen.
00:54You adjust to, now it's over, and I walk out the door and I'm completely free.
00:57He keeps everything in until he bursts.
01:01For you, it's always, well, I have to move.
01:03Well, I have to quit this.
01:04Well, I have to do that.
01:05I do not want to go back to the life I had.
01:06I don't.
01:07I don't care.
01:09I don't want to go back.
01:10I don't.
01:11You have just gone through a harrowing experience for three years while married, with seven children.
01:25I mean, that is, like, huge.
01:28Of course you want to withdraw.
01:30Yes.
01:30And you want to do that.
01:31And I don't apologize for it.
01:32You need to protect yourself.
01:33You need to protect yourself.
01:35This is at such a basic sort of, like, reptilian brain level.
01:39I want you to feel free, that no one is trying.
01:42You're free now.
01:44You have lived, especially for the past almost three years, without freedom.
01:53And?
01:53And.
01:54And?
01:54Sometimes you start thinking.
01:58People, you as in people, start, don't, you can't know because it's a trauma response of keeping yourself inside.
02:04And so what I'm telling you something now, Alec, you're free.
02:06You're free.
02:08You can go out.
02:08I don't feel that way.
02:09I know.
02:11I think it's human nature to retreat and run and hide because what you're feeling inside is so awful.
02:18And so I think that it can bring you to a place of feeling closed in.
02:26And I do worry that Alec could get stuck in that place.
02:32People say to me, oh, God, now you can go back to your life and go, go back to my life.
02:38I don't want to go back to my life.
02:40I want a different life now.
02:41I want a different life.
02:42Your priorities are shifting in your life.
02:45Right.
02:45Like, I mean, you have a lot of individuals that, you know, are counting on you and the two of you together.
02:51Right.
02:51So you have to reprioritize what matters to you.
02:55What I hope for you is you realize how many opportunities you have, how many opportunities our kids have.
03:01We have so much ahead of us.
03:03And I think that regardless of where we move to, regardless of what we're doing, we need to feel really solid within ourselves.
03:09And every single day, try to be better.
03:11And I hope as somebody who loves you and as your partner and as the mother of our children, I hope that you can figure out that you're free now.
03:21You're free.
03:21And so when you say it's my temptation.
03:23I'll do my best.
03:23That's a near impossibility now.
03:25But it's going to take time.
03:27But I'm going to tell you every single day that.
03:29The sign that I feel better, the sign that I'm kind of on the road to some recovery when I'm alone.
03:36When I'm alone and I'm not thinking of these really tough things that are not so great.
03:41When you're all by yourself, what are you wishing for?
03:44What are you hoping for?
03:45Have you given up?
03:47Have you given up?
03:49Going on is hard and giving up is hard.
03:51I want to stop here.
03:53This was great.
03:53But you're trying to do a lot.
03:55Okay?
03:56Because you are ahead of him in your understanding of this and your experience of it.
04:01Right?
04:01He is in a different place than you are.
04:03We can pause and come back to something like that in the future.
04:08You can't make the pain go away.
04:10But now hopefully we can do the necessary healing.
04:16We have to work on what's raw in ourselves because typically if we're okay, our kids are going to be okay.
04:25And we can go forward and try to create more stability and a lighter energy in our home.
04:46I literally, 1,000% literally don't know what to say.
04:52I don't know what to say.
04:53What I hear from you, which is really valid, is I've been hurt.
04:59I've lost trust in people.
05:00It goes beyond that actually.
05:02Yes.
05:02No, but Alec, just make it simple.
05:04Make it simple because if you make it so complicated for yourself and so vague, you need to start to put your feelings into words.
05:11I'm hurt is vague.
05:11I think what you're saying is vague.
05:13Anyway, I don't want to talk about this anymore.
05:15I don't.
05:15It's not even talking so much about it happening.
05:19You can figure out how you want to kind of process that.
05:21I'm not following what you're saying.
05:22What I'm saying is if we don't process something and we go...
05:26Well, this is how I'm going to process it.
05:28This is how.
05:29You can't just stop everything down.
05:30How do you deal with the pain that you still have inside, the trauma that you still have inside?
05:34This is where we differ.
05:35And I'm the one that has to decide.
05:37How do I process this?
05:38My wounds can't heal while I stay in a public life.
05:41What I need is less of certain things in my life to be happy, not more.
05:45I need less noise, problems.
05:49Alec, you said the same exact thing because whenever you're hurt, you say the same exact thing.
05:54When I say what I say, at the moment that I say it, I mean it.
05:58I know.
05:59Slow down, please.
06:02We're good, Alec.
06:03Why are you in such a hurry?
06:05You told me you were in a hurry.
06:06I'm saying...
06:08Yeah, you're right.
06:12Watching somebody go through a healing process is hard.
06:17And what I see from Alec is a tremendous amount of pain sometimes.
06:21I want to try to help him heal.
06:23Even when I'm shaking my finger at him and I'm being a little tough with him, I know it's
06:29because that he, with his nervous system, he needs the stability of somebody, boom, this
06:35is what's happening.
06:36And then he can come and even if he gets mad about it, it doesn't move.
06:40I don't move.
06:41I'm right here.
06:42And I want him to be happy.
06:51I don't want a far hour with you.
06:53We're not arguing.
06:54We're being passionate.
06:55That's how we talk.
06:55But what I'm asking you to sympathize with me is I don't want to be angry with you.
06:59I just want to sympathize with you, which is I really need to have a different life.
07:04Good.
07:04I need to have a different life.
07:05Good.
07:06Please.
07:07You have the keys, right?
07:08Yes, I do.
07:23What's the matter, Louie?
07:33Now that the trial is over, I want to focus on healing as a family and trying to reconnect
07:41with each other and really tap into what do the kids need?
07:45What does Alec need?
07:46What do I need?
07:46What do we all need together?
07:47What do we all need together in order to feel that we are a solid unit?
07:53Are we going to cook?
07:54All right, let's go.
07:55Let's find out.
07:56Wait, wait, wait.
07:57I'm good.
07:58I'm good.
07:58I'm good.
07:59The Hamptons are known for their farms and for their very, very fresh produce, so we
08:09are going to a local farm and we are going to do cooking classes with the kids.
08:13Guys!
08:15Guys, we're going to make!
08:16Guys, wait.
08:17No, bring her back this way.
08:18We're waiting for Daddy.
08:19We're waiting for Daddy.
08:20Who's this?
08:21How old is he?
08:22He's 18 months old.
08:23Oh my God, look at the size of this kid.
08:25Alec is like the mayor.
08:27He's going to go out.
08:28He wants to shake hands.
08:29He wants to connect with people.
08:30If people aren't interacting with him, he'll usually go up to people and he wants to talk
08:34to people about their kids.
08:36Are you an expert pizza chef?
08:38This is a pizza oven?
08:39Yeah.
08:39Oh, cool.
08:40What are they, we would?
08:41Mm-hmm.
08:42Let me see.
08:43But I have to say, it's nice to watch him start to get back to himself.
08:49Okay, cool.
08:49That's great.
08:50Come here.
08:51Let's go make pizza.
08:53Do I want to come on back to the classroom?
08:54Yes.
08:55All right, guys, let's go to the classroom.
08:56Leo, will you help me?
08:57Yes.
08:58What's the matter, Boogie?
09:00You okay?
09:02Where's that baby?
09:05So welcome, guys.
09:07So today we're going to make a green pizza.
09:10Now, I know that sounds very suspicious.
09:13Lulu, what's your favorite food?
09:15Um, worms.
09:17Everybody can make it the way they want it.
09:20Wait a moment.
09:20Are they actually eating worms?
09:24No.
09:24This is just being free.
09:25No, I eat worms.
09:26Okay.
09:27Adju, what's your favorite food?
09:29That's not worms.
09:31Um, um, gummy worms.
09:35Or pizza.
09:36Isn't pizza your favorite food?
09:38Yeah, pizza.
09:38Okay.
09:38I like that, too.
09:39That looks very tasty.
09:40I bet our pizza chef is excited for you to walk that over.
09:43Break it, okay?
09:44Step up.
09:46Oh, look, papras.
09:47Hey, Rob, can you open the door for us?
09:53It's okay.
09:53Just ignore him.
09:59I've had my skirmishes with paparazzi, and I've had my, you know, problems.
10:04If you're here when my wife and my kid come out here, you've got a big problem.
10:07But now I'm 66 years old.
10:09What are you going to do now?
10:10If you either punch every tabloid photographer the way the world is now, you're going to be
10:14exhausted by the end of the day.
10:16If the guy's taking a picture of my family from 75 feet away, when I was much younger,
10:19I would really, really let that bother me.
10:21But after everything we've been through, I just want to take care of my family.
10:25I won't be left alone.
10:31When I had Carmen, I went for my first run, and I'm getting chased by a bunch of paparazzi
10:36on bikes, and they're messing with me.
10:39They're, like, bumping me with their bikes.
10:41I found the police officer, and I said, they're chasing me on bikes.
10:44And he's like, what?
10:45I said, yeah, grown men are chasing me on bikes.
10:47And they go up to them, and they're like, oh, officer, here's my press badge.
10:49And the officer comes to me, and he said, I'm so sorry.
10:52You're a public figure.
10:53There's nothing I can do.
10:55I started to, like, silently cry, and I continued my run.
11:00But I was, like, such a mess, and I was like, I have grown men chasing me on bikes, and I
11:04don't have the right to ask for help.
11:07It's a really hard thing to deal with.
11:13Paparazzi and all that kind of stuff is very, very common for children of celebrities as well.
11:19You can see lots of famous kids sticking their tongue out, giving the finger, all sorts
11:28of, all sorts of things.
11:36Hiding behind very small trees, but you can obviously see them.
11:39It's a bizarre experience.
11:40I don't want to say, oh, I can show you some yelling, but, I mean, you know, get a paparazzi
11:48in here who tries to, you know, chip my wife's teeth with the lens of his camera, then you're
11:52going to see some yelling.
11:52Just ignore, just ignore him.
12:05He's just, he's just, he's like an 80-year-old baby.
12:08Just, like, ignore him.
12:09No, not dad.
12:15I know it's better to disengage.
12:18Have I always disengaged?
12:19No.
12:19Have I had problems?
12:21Absolutely.
12:25When Alec was charged the first time, they're all there.
12:28I got mobbed in the morning.
12:30I mean, it was just absolutely insane.
12:33Hilaria Baldwin nails mob wife aesthetic.
12:36Okay, what is wrong with her?
12:37It's under 30 degrees out, and she's wearing fishnets, stiletto sunglasses, and a ministar.
12:42Yeah, but she started the day in a puffer jacket and winter boots, but then she saw the cameras
12:47and was like...
12:48She changed.
12:49Okay, she saw the paparazzi were there because of the charges filed or whatever, and she was
12:52like, hang on, mommy needs to look good for the cameras, and came back out in this outfit?
12:58I actually think that's exactly what happened.
13:01That is not what happened.
13:04Alec needed to try to get in the car and to try to protect him.
13:07I went inside, put on a ridiculous outfit, and went back outside.
13:12I mean, the fact that they didn't realize that I was, like, messing with them is extraordinary.
13:18I put my back to the corner so their back was to the apartment, and then we had a car pull up.
13:24Alec goes into the car, drives off.
13:28Oh, that's so nice.
13:29I'm so happy to hear that.
13:30Then I walked right back to the house.
13:35People call me an attention seeker.
13:37Like, they'll say all sorts of things because they don't understand what I'm doing.
13:43And so they think I'm nuts.
13:45And I'm like, you know what?
13:46Call me nuts.
13:48But you know what?
13:48I'm going to take care of my husband, and I'm going to take care of my kids.
13:55Stand back, everyone.
13:56Stand back for the greatest pizza of them all.
14:00That's for you and me.
14:02Come to daddy?
14:03Come here.
14:03And she has pesto all over her?
14:04Yeah, can I tell you?
14:05I think I have so much food in my hair.
14:07The past three years has been a tremendous weight on us that has, of course, deeply affected our children.
14:15We're not giving our kids absolutely everything that we could.
14:19So I'm excited because now not only can we check in with how we're doing, but also how our children are doing.
14:27See, this is a piece of pizza.
14:28Ready?
14:28What do I do?
14:29Mama, are you good?
14:33Mmm.
14:34Want a pizza?
14:34I'm a pizza-eating dinosaur.
14:38I am, too.
14:40You and me, right?
14:41You and me love pizza.
14:44Are you eating more pizza, Louie?
14:46This was fun, no?
14:47I loved it.
14:48Yeah?
14:49I loved it.
14:49These kids have never needed a bath more in their lives.
14:52This house is our vacation home, a second home, pool.
15:04It's a big house, and it works great.
15:05Everybody, I think, really likes coming out here when we come out here for the summer.
15:09So when I bought this house, it was a cold winter day in December of 95.
15:15I get it.
15:16Quite a lot.
15:16Is that okay with the noise of those people?
15:18And the world was like, no, we're going to throw a tree in your way.
15:20Can I do a face scrub on you?
15:23Like, not right now.
15:24We have to whisper now, because Daddy is having a monologue.
15:28It's emblematic.
15:31We're going to redecorate.
15:32We have to get all the kids' stuff out of there.
15:34This stuff, you turn around, and five years goes by, like, you sit in that room, and you go, these rugs got to go.
15:39You look in that living room, and you go, we need new everything.
15:42Because the kids are not the worst I've seen, but the dogs are.
15:48Let's go show you a couple of things.
15:50This is my favorite, but also one of the funniest parts.
15:53So this thing here slides.
15:55You can close it off, so you can have complete privacy.
15:58We've never closed.
16:00It's never stayed closed.
16:01In here, which is a mess, but this is my office.
16:04It's a mess.
16:06I throw everything I don't want to see, I throw in here.
16:08Then we go up these stairs.
16:11Here's my little closet here, which is...
16:15There are no words to describe.
16:16David Letterman said to me,
16:18What can I give you that you don't already have for your birthday?
16:22So he puts me in Joe Namath's shirt number 12.
16:25He snaps the ball, and Joe Namath throws me a pass on the David Letterman show.
16:30I cried.
16:32This is my wife's bathroom.
16:34Toilet, sink, shower, in here.
16:38My bathroom's around the corner.
16:40My little cabin bathroom.
16:41That's the bigger bathroom.
16:45That's really funny.
16:46They used to say that.
16:47Her bathroom.
16:49I don't even want anybody to see my bathroom.
16:50It's so embarrassing.
16:51The baby sleeps in here.
16:53You can hear all the loud sound machines.
16:56The baby sleeps next to Niagara Falls every night.
17:00This is Carmen's room.
17:02You're in for a treat.
17:03Carmen and her friend Fleur are here.
17:05And voila.
17:08Two ten-year-old girls.
17:14So this is the boys' room.
17:19When you bought this house, you had no idea you would have seven kids.
17:23Bedrooms for, right?
17:24Oh, please.
17:25Oh, God.
17:26Oh, God.
17:26Help me.
17:28What do you want to say to me?
17:30All right, then get out of here.
17:34I've never really gotten my nails done at home before.
17:37One of Carmen's best friends, her name is Fleur.
17:39She's British, and she always has really great nails, especially for a 12-year-old.
17:46And I was like, Fleur, who does your nails?
17:47And she's like, my 15-year-old sister.
17:49And I was like, perfect.
17:50Can she come and do my nails?
17:52And there you go.
17:54The nail design.
17:56Do you want, like, French tips or, like, something classy?
18:01But are French tips not classy?
18:04No, French tips are the classiest thing you can get.
18:06Carmen is funny.
18:10Carmen is smart.
18:11And she's somebody who's extraordinarily connected to me.
18:14I mean, first child is, as much as you release them from the parenting role, they've put it on themselves as,
18:24I'm going to take care of all my younger siblings, and therefore the home and the family.
18:30When we were in New Mexico, Carmen was there.
18:34But she's a kid.
18:34And we need to remind her that she's a kid.
18:37And so I just want to hang out with her as a child, where we can just have fun.
18:44This will be us in, like, what?
18:46That's satisfying.
18:47There was, like, this goo in your eye.
18:49Ew!
18:50It's snot.
18:52How?
18:52It's snot.
18:53Yeah, I think you blew your nose, and then it went into your eye.
18:57How does that work?
18:59I don't know.
18:59You told me.
19:00Oh, yeah.
19:00I saw, like, this TikTok of a guy, because apparently your nose and that corner of your eye is connected.
19:07Would you feel like most kids your age have TikTok?
19:09Yes.
19:10No.
19:10Everybody in my class has it.
19:12They just don't want to follow.
19:13Social media is a hard one, because kids are curious about social media, even if they don't have social media.
19:17Everybody's talking about social media now.
19:19So the question is, how do you expose them to these things so that when they have social media, it's not just this whole new world that nobody's told them about because it's been kept under wraps because we're all so afraid of it.
19:32I had no more video views, no new profile views.
19:35It wasn't showing me my profile views, which made me sad.
19:38I think social media used to be more fun, and then it just got to a point where I think that people started getting attention for being very toxic.
19:46You know, most parents struggle in the modern world with these devices and the technology, and for them to watch this, obviously, ridiculous breadth of material.
19:59It's insane what's on there.
20:00I mean, how it goes from here to here.
20:02And I think that the most important thing is talking about it, what is the addictive part of it, and what is the bad for the mental health part of it, you know?
20:11It's a scary time to raise kids.
20:13Does she have a booger up, Hannah?
20:14Yes, this is not a real account.
20:23What do you think about social media?
20:25I think it affects mental health.
20:27It affects mental health, right?
20:28Yeah.
20:28Because look at them, like, look at how, like, grown-up they are.
20:30I know.
20:31I was not like this.
20:32Yeah, I definitely wasn't.
20:33I was doing, like, handstands and running around.
20:36I was, like, making slime.
20:37What is the phone case?
20:38What is the phone case?
20:39It's so coquette.
20:41Now it's, like, makeup.
20:42And now it's makeup.
20:42TikToks?
20:43And they're, like, worried about weight now.
20:45Yeah.
20:45Right?
20:45Which is bad.
20:46Well, Carmen is just, like, she's just a force.
20:50And sometimes you think, what are you going to be like when you grow up?
20:54It looks like a pretty seven-year-old.
20:54You know, she's my oldest and she's transitioning from one age and she's going off into the next
21:00age.
21:00And you knew that that was going to happen.
21:04But, um, it's also scary.
21:07Even for me, I worry, like, that Flea is going to be, like, insecure about stuff.
21:12Yeah.
21:12I see a difference when she's not on social media.
21:16I think it makes a huge difference.
21:18These are the things that we worry about because your mind is still, like, forming.
21:22And, like, we just worry because we want it to go well for you because you're important.
21:26Yeah.
21:29So, would you think, would you think, Carmen, though, is there a nice thing about being
21:33able to have your child?
21:33And is there, I mean, you're somebody who seems like you're growing up so fast.
21:37Yeah.
21:37You want to grow up so fast.
21:38And some of that's so fun because, like, you come to dinner with us and we're always
21:41laughing.
21:41But I've been doing that since I was, like, a newborn.
21:43Yeah, you kind of came out that way.
21:45At the same time, are there things that you like to lean into in being a kid?
21:50Not really.
21:51I'm just throwing being a kid away.
21:53I'm ready to be an adult.
21:54Except for bills and taxes.
21:57Because that sounds awful.
22:02Yeah, can we go in the golf cart or no?
22:07You're just staring at me.
22:09Can you respond, please?
22:11Okay, bye.
22:11Yay!
22:12Toodles!
22:14Ten!
22:15Add five minutes!
22:16Are they going to survive teenagehood?
22:18Um...
22:24So, you've lived in, like, so many different places.
22:26I've lived in four different places.
22:29Four different places?
22:30Yeah.
22:30I don't really remember England and Amsterdam, though, just because I was kind of, like, younger.
22:36Is it weird when people hear how you talk and then they just, like, assume that you're
22:40going to be super British and you're like, no, not at all?
22:43Yeah.
22:44My accent changes when I'm around my friends, I think.
22:47Mm-hmm.
22:47Depends how they speak.
22:49With my British friends, I think I sound more British.
22:52I feel it was weird if I'm, like, speaking, like, American.
22:55Yeah.
22:55But then, if I'm with, like, my American friends, I'm like, oh, it sounds kind of weird if I'm
22:58just British.
22:59Yeah.
23:00Growing up in a way where you have multiple cultural influences on you means that you're
23:06never going to be able to fit in.
23:08You can try.
23:09You can chameleon.
23:11You know, people who code switch were very good at chameleoning.
23:13I'm like, okay, I'm going to be a little bit...
23:14And you're not even thinking about it.
23:15It's just normal.
23:16It's just natural.
23:17They say that it's, like, communication.
23:19Like, people who...
23:20If you ever talk to, like, a really old person who cannot hear...
23:23Yeah.
23:23And you have to, like...
23:24You have to, like, emphasize.
23:25You're like, I'm going to emphasize.
23:26I'm going to speak slower.
23:28And you're not even really thinking about it.
23:29You just start to do it.
23:31It just happens.
23:32It just happens.
23:33You know what it's called?
23:34What?
23:34Code switching.
23:35Is she?
23:35Code switching, yeah.
23:36No, it's, like, a real thing.
23:37I did not know that.
23:38I know.
23:38I had to learn about it because the whole world was, like, mean to me.
23:40And so, I had to learn it.
23:42It's code switching.
23:44Being in, you know, the spotlight, as people like to call it, people say, oh, don't you
23:49know, no, you don't get used to it.
23:51You never get used to people being mean.
23:54But you take a deep breath, and I think you learn to distance yourself from it.
23:59And so, you know, you just try turning down the volume in my head of it.
24:04Okay, I'm just going to turn that down.
24:07And I'm not going to take it personally.
24:09I'm so impressed.
24:11These look so good.
24:12I love them.
24:14We need to start teaching Carmen how to do this, too.
24:16Yes.
24:16It'll be your practice.
24:18It'll be great.
24:18We will put her to work on all the social media.
24:22Yes.
24:22Thank you so much.
24:36Nothing like organizing my shoes.
24:38What about over here?
24:46You messed him up deliberately.
24:47I did.
24:47I want to see if you get all of them that I've messed up.
24:50Keep going.
24:51Keep going.
24:51Keep going.
24:53Okay, you're an ass.
24:55A horrible person.
24:58Hate's a strong word.
24:59I don't want to say hate.
25:01I have the least amount of affection for you now that I've ever had.
25:05Alec has OCD, and that wasn't something I always understood.
25:10It wasn't something he always understood.
25:12Does it make you feel better?
25:14Or it makes you feel better that it's just done?
25:16Do you think it's like the act of it?
25:17When you mess with me, it doesn't make me feel better.
25:19No.
25:20It doesn't.
25:20I straighten him out once a day, and I know within 30 seconds, they're all going to be
25:25f***ing in.
25:26I worry about Alec, because we were living with so much stress for such a long time that
25:31his OCD has gotten even worse.
25:35Honey, what happened to your car?
25:37What?
25:38Honey, what happened?
25:41Honey, it scratched the paint off.
25:43You probably were driving it.
25:44It wasn't me.
25:46When I put my foot down and he pushes back at me...
25:49All right, roll up the windows and let me wash the car.
25:51That's the OCD rearing its ugly head.
25:54How did you hit the car?
25:55What happened?
25:55I did not hit the car.
25:56There's a chance for you to confess.
25:57That's 100% I drive like a grandma.
25:59No, you drive like grandma when grandma smokes crack.
26:02Okay.
26:02That's how you drive.
26:03I don't have any tickets.
26:04My record is clean, my friend.
26:06I have my stuff here.
26:07Where did it go?
26:08Is my bucket over here and my brush?
26:10Let me see.
26:11I didn't understand that a lot of the way that he tries to control and the way that he behaves
26:18has to do with his OCD, which is painful.
26:23I need the bucket, the brush, and the cleaner.
26:26I found it.
26:27You found it?
26:28Okay, let's not delay.
26:29Come, come.
26:30We're going to wash your car.
26:31Let's not delay.
26:32Trying to scrub the dent out.
26:34I realized that as a result of my childhood, which was very chaotic in terms of my home,
26:38six kids, no money, two parents,
26:40everything was a mess all the time.
26:42My mother would say the phrase, straighten up this room.
26:44And I go into a room and I do my thing.
26:47All very simple, very modest, but things I thought would make everything look better.
26:52My OCD, I think it's definitely a part of that.
26:55It's part of it.
26:55Because I'm back in a house with a lot of kids.
26:58I'm not one of those kids now.
27:00I'm the father.
27:01So the OCD thing is not so much a problem for me.
27:05My OCD is a problem for the people around me.
27:08Where did you hit the car, honey?
27:09Where did you do it?
27:09I would never, because I'm good at backing up and you're not.
27:13You would be a lot happier without OCD.
27:15The person that your OCD tortures more than any of us is...
27:22I've never had anybody put it that way.
27:26Can you go get a spray bottle in the kitchen while I fill this up?
27:30You're like a surgeon.
27:31You're like Scalpel.
27:32That's right.
27:33I played a doctor in a movie once.
27:34Harrington.
27:35Harrington.
27:36Harrington.
27:37Scalpel.
27:40Scalpel.
27:40Scalpel.
27:45Oh, my God.
27:46What's that?
27:46More dense?
27:48Honey, is that more dense over there?
27:49That looks like dirt.
27:51This is really, really weird.
27:52This stuff is really weird.
27:53Don't scratch it, because you're going to end up scratching the car if that...
27:56This is a scratch, honey.
27:57What is this?
27:59Remember when Alien would bleed and he had acid in his veins?
28:03Honey, there's alien poop all over the car.
28:06What is this?
28:07It's cheese.
28:08I'm not kidding.
28:09There's cheese on the car.
28:11Or is it gum?
28:13Or is it slime from my kids?
28:15Oh, wow.
28:16This is horrible.
28:17Now it's under my finger now.
28:19So now I'll do this part.
28:21No, don't do that.
28:22Why?
28:23You don't squirt it on the car.
28:23You put it on the brush.
28:24You know, it's called soaking something.
28:28Calming cleans me, and cleaning calms me.
28:31It's the trauma of my childhood.
28:32When I was a kid, my sister Beth and I, we cleaned the house.
28:36And we didn't clean the house.
28:37The house was a mess.
28:39My other brothers were like, you know, in the front yard.
28:42Yeah!
28:44Yeah!
28:46And I'm like, you know, I'm Cinderella.
28:49What was the thing that was going to make my mother happy?
28:51Making my mother happy was important.
28:54What's the thing we're going to do to make my mother happy?
28:55Well, cleaning the house is one.
28:58My sister Beth and I, we were the staff.
29:00My three brothers, Danny, Billy, and Steven,
29:02were like playing sports and messing around or whatever.
29:05You know, they just didn't do anything.
29:06And my sister Beth and I, we were like, do the laundry, do this,
29:09rake the leaves, cut the grass, walk the dog, you know, clean up the kitchen.
29:13And my brothers didn't do very much of it at all.
29:17My sister and I, our wash machine broke.
29:20And we didn't have a wash machine in our house for like a while, like months.
29:26My parents couldn't afford to get it fixed.
29:28My parents couldn't afford to buy a new one.
29:29Do you ever see those like, I don't know if it's called memes,
29:34like, I wish I let the dishes wait.
29:37I wish I had enjoyed the mess of the toys.
29:40I wasn't present enough because I was so worried about cleaning and perfection all the time.
29:45I haven't seen those memes.
29:48I've seen other memes, though.
29:50Memes that say, you have to clean that goddamn car or you're going to burn in hell or whatever.
29:55But my point is that, yes, you're right.
29:57And I have gotten better at that.
29:59I am someone that has the direct result of what I've been going through lately.
30:04You don't go, Simon Says, back to normal.
30:06It takes a long time.
30:07It takes longer than I imagined.
30:09And my feelings and my emotion, my energy level and all those things is coming back very slowly.
30:22So three hours later, we're almost done with this car.
30:24And then all of a sudden, a bird flies by and hoops on our car.
30:29The birds eat worms and then the mommy bird eats it, chews it up, and then throws it up.
30:49And it's really gross.
30:52All right.
30:53Who are the dedes?
30:56And why are you guys named the dedes?
30:59Edu and Lulu are five and a half months apart.
31:02Alec likes to call them twins.
31:03They're not twins.
31:04They came up with calling each other dede when they were younger.
31:08They point at each other and they're like, you dede.
31:10And then I go, no, you dede.
31:11Dede.
31:11No, no, no, no.
31:15Dede.
31:16And then it became los dedes.
31:19So they're the dedes.
31:19And it's just kind of this, like, silly little term that they have come up with that is their version of twin.
31:26Aw.
31:27See how cute does it add to?
31:28Hug, Lulu.
31:30No, not like that.
31:32Like that.
31:36All right, Lulu.
31:37So we're going to make two granolas.
31:41One of them.
31:42This one, this one, this one, and that one.
31:45So I was going to make one for you.
31:48Yeah.
31:49And one for Daddy.
31:51This one's for me.
31:53This one's for you and that one's for Daddy?
31:55Yeah.
31:56Okay.
31:56And it could be for the boys and for Daddy.
32:00Yeah.
32:00And, and, and Rafa, Leo, and Romeo.
32:05We're going to share with everybody?
32:06Yeah.
32:07Okay.
32:08I had four kids pretty quickly.
32:13Then I got pregnant naturally, like I did with all the other ones.
32:17And I, um, so I had a miscarriage.
32:23Um.
32:27It'll be okay.
32:32I was very public about it.
32:34I came out, had conversations that were hard to have for me.
32:41It's a very hard thing to go through.
32:43Enough got into my head, and I was like, you know what, I'm going to try IVF.
32:52And so I tried IVF, and everything seemed to be going really well.
32:57Everything was, like, seemed to be progressing in a really great way.
33:00And then I lost the baby between four and five months.
33:13You know, she, they don't know why she died.
33:17I just went for, like, a normal scan.
33:19But I knew, because I, I think I knew.
33:21Because I kept on saying I can't feel her.
33:23And, um, so I think I knew.
33:27But, but you don't want to know.
33:29So it was, you know.
33:31But yeah.
33:32I mean, it was hard.
33:37I had an attachment.
33:39You know, I was excited.
33:40And when you have a later miscarriage, loss, whatever we want to, word you want to use,
33:47your body has to essentially have the baby.
33:53It is definitely a, a, just a physically and emotionally hard experience.
34:00I mean, it's sad.
34:10It was one of the lowest I've ever felt.
34:12I didn't know what I was going to do.
34:22Okay, ready?
34:23You want me to pour it in there?
34:24And then you pour it in the bowl.
34:25Okay?
34:28Don't put too much, okay?
34:29Well, we have to put too much.
34:31When I had my miscarriages, I didn't know what to do.
34:34I didn't know what the next steps were.
34:35And then I felt that it was important to open a door of possibilities.
34:43Nice work.
34:44All right.
34:45I'm so strong to do that.
34:46You are so strong.
34:47Are you so strong?
34:48Yeah.
34:48So strong to do that.
34:50Then moving forward, I had this other embryo.
34:53And I was terrified of having an IVF baby again after the traumatic loss that I had.
34:59My fear was that if I put her inside of me, I was going to kill her.
35:02Can I try?
35:06Yeah, let me open it like this because it's a little hard.
35:08So I connected with people I'd done surrogacy.
35:11I met this really amazing woman who ended up carrying Mary Lou.
35:15Then I find out I'm pregnant naturally, which I guess you're very fertile after IVF.
35:21And I found out I was having Edu.
35:23And so we were pregnant at the same time.
35:25And so Edu was born.
35:27And then Lulu, our surrogate baby, five and a half months later.
35:30And I found out I'm pregnant.
35:35Special knives just for you.
35:37And so while this is cooking right now.
35:39I can use it?
35:40You can use those blue knives.
35:41Those are special knives just for you.
35:43You want to try these?
35:46You have to chew it.
35:49Yummy.
35:49Yummy, right?
35:51Okay.
35:54Yummy?
35:55It tastes like honey.
35:57Yeah, these are called currants.
35:59And they're nice and sweet, right?
36:00No, they're grapes.
36:01They're grapes?
36:02Okay, we can call them grapes.
36:03Okay, we didn't like change our mind.
36:10With Mary Lou, Alex sometimes would worry.
36:13He's like, is she going to feel different?
36:15Is she going to feel bad?
36:17And I don't, I hope not.
36:19Because she was so wanted.
36:21You look ready, Mom?
36:24Okay, nice and toasty.
36:26There's one for Daddy.
36:28And one for me.
36:29And one special one for you.
36:32Yay!
36:33It's rolling from this side.
36:35Do you see how I'm holding it with a special glove?
36:38It will be flying in the air.
36:41Flying in the air and then we'd be like, wait, that's a granola that we like to eat.
36:45In the end, we have a loving family, but it's not the same path that my other babies were born.
36:52But she feels exactly the same.
36:54She's so connected to me.
36:56It doesn't feel different.
36:58It doesn't feel different.
36:59She's my baby.
37:00No, no, I'm pulling it in.
37:03No.
37:03It's already happening in there.
37:08So I think just embracing what is, understanding that the one thing that you know for sure,
37:14you're going to love your kids so much that it hurts.
37:17Will you help me put this in?
37:19I'm going to do it, okay?
37:20Okay, you do it here.
37:21Okay.
37:22First, do this and I'll...
37:24You want to pour it?
37:26Yeah.
37:27What do you think?
37:27You tell me how much.
37:28Is that good enough?
37:29Okay, we'll just do all of it.
37:30That's like a dog food.
37:32It looks like dog food.
37:33Hopefully it'll taste better than dog food.
37:40Go!
37:41Come on, Schmetz.
37:43On your mark.
37:44Good idea.
37:45You know what?
37:46I want a family race.
37:47Baby!
37:48Yes, we are, but we have to get everybody here.
37:54This is my summer with my kids.
37:57I thought we were having a race.
37:58Baby, we are, but why don't you have...
38:00Tell me to organize people.
38:01Let's go.
38:01Because I said, ready, set, go!
38:04You know, after everything we've been through, my kids are happy.
38:08That's all I care about.
38:11Lulu!
38:12Lulu, come!
38:13We have to wake up.
38:14Oh, shit!
38:16Romeo!
38:17Lulu, you want to race?
38:19What has gotten, at least me, and I don't know about you, through this experience, has been
38:25how can I carve out space to find the calms in the storm?
38:31And we get to a place where now we can come home, and now we can try to remember how to
38:36live again.
38:37Maybe we don't have to live like this anymore.
38:40Hi, guys.
38:41Ready?
38:41Okay.
38:42No, no.
38:42It's fine enough.
38:43We're going to go.
38:44Okay, no fighting.
38:44Everybody focus on.
38:45All right.
38:46Come back.
38:46Come back.
38:46Come back.
38:47Come back.
38:48Come back.
38:49Leo!
38:52It's interesting to see men who look at me like they think I'm like them.
38:55We're like, you can only take this parenting thing so far.
38:59They're like, well, you're going to get back to work, right?
39:01We're men.
39:02We have to work.
39:03And I'm like, you know, ah.
39:05Wait, wait.
39:05What are you doing?
39:06I'm not, so the answer isn't a movie or a TV show or a play, although there's nothing
39:11wrong with that.
39:11I just, it's, what I'm doing is this.
39:13This is what I'm doing, is raising my kids, and I just feel like, you know.
39:18At some point, you expect to get back to acting, though, right?
39:24Well.
39:26Get set, go!
39:29Maybe I'll just step aside, forget about acting and career.
39:32You know, I got a lot of friends who are very successful people in this business.
39:36That's one regret they have.
39:37They didn't spend as much time with their kids as they might have, because that was the
39:40time for them to work.
39:41You know, they strike while the iron is hot.
39:44We're going to fall into each other.
39:46And there was a 20-year period from when they were 30 to 50, where they did nothing but
39:51work all day, every day.
39:53And when they arrived at the end of that, when they were 50, they, their kids were out
39:57the door to go to college.
39:59And they didn't really, I don't want to say they didn't know them.
40:02Well, that certainly is the case as well, is they, it's time that they can't get back.
40:08I don't want to have that regret.
40:09I mean, I, I, this is the one benefit of having kids later in life.
40:12We can't cross each other!
40:14My foot hurts!
40:15It's the appreciation factor that you can't have until you're my age.
40:18You know, it's just, I, I realize I, what a privilege it is and what a gift it is.
40:23Just the, the joy and the gift of being able to, uh, stay home a lot and be with them.
40:29That's the thing I'm doing.
40:30That's what I'm doing.
40:32What I'm doing is this, at least for right now.
40:38This is the birthday of her!
40:41I know, Mom.
40:43Taking seven kids to the dentist is exactly like it sounds.
40:47It's awful.
40:52After my divorce, it became a challenge.
40:55One of my most regrettable things about the whole thing was how it affected Pyro.
40:58It became, as it was still as, uh, difficult and unnecessarily difficult.
41:03I feel like I've reached my limit.
41:06My relationship with Ireland is unique for a step-mom relationship.
41:12I'm 11 years older than her.
41:14We were pregnant together, but just barely.
41:16Since I'm your, like, grandma, it's gonna be okay.
41:19Right?
41:20So...
41:23It's been very, very tough for her.
41:25I fully expected her to sit down with me and say,
41:27I don't think I can do it anymore.
41:28I don't think I can do it anymore.