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00:00Don't get wet on anything, please.
00:01Will you give it to death?
00:02I would like to try to figure out how we're going to get that off.
00:05It will come off Alec.
00:06Let him be a kid.
00:07It's just face paint.
00:08It's the most romantic animal.
00:09I know.
00:13Stop stealing cookies.
00:15Oh, Carmen's going all over me.
00:17Oh, Carmen.
00:18I'm just trying really hard to have time with them individually.
00:22It's time that they can't get back.
00:24I don't want to have that regret.
00:27Let's go get this stuff and go clean the poop.
00:28Are we going to shovel the poop?
00:29We are getting a little shovel the poop.
00:31A lot of the way that he tries to control
00:34and the way that he behaves has to do with his OCD.
00:38And since Alec's trial in New Mexico is coming up,
00:42it's become so much worse.
00:44After Alec Baldwin is now charged with involuntary manslaughter.
00:48He could go to prison for a long time.
00:53That's a scary thing to go through,
00:54especially when you have seven kids right behind you
00:57that you're supposed to maneuver through everything.
00:59Do we all go?
01:01Do I stay with the kids?
01:04I don't know what to do, and I know any decision I make
01:09will have some very wrong things about it.
01:11How are you feeling about me coming with you?
01:14Let's not ruin our other person.
01:17I want you to protect her.
01:19I don't want her to suffer.
01:20She gets pulled into this, and it's been tough on her.
01:23Is our family going to be torn apart?
01:26Love you.
01:27If they can convince people to find him guilty,
01:33they will take him away right there.
01:53I want her to take him away right now.
02:17Baldwin fired a pop gun on a movie set.
02:20The movie cinematographer, 42-year-old Halina Hutchins,
02:24died in this incident.
02:26Director Joel Sousa was treated at a hospital
02:28for unspecified injuries.
02:42Actor Alec Baldwin arrived for his first day
02:45in a New Mexico court where he faces charges
02:47for the tragic shooting death on the set of his latest film.
02:52He was joined by his wife, Hilaria.
02:56I flew on Monday night
03:00and arrived in the early morning of Tuesday.
03:03And I was supposed to come back on a red-eye
03:06on Wednesday night.
03:09But I realized that I can't leave.
03:13Alec needs me.
03:15Mr. Baldwin, would you like to say anything, Ms. Rodriguez?
03:17I'm feeling hopeless.
03:18And he needed me for so many different things
03:21that I didn't even think.
03:22Just really, really vital emotional support.
03:27In the fall of 2021, a movie called Rust
03:33began filming at the Bonanza Creek Ranch.
03:36You will learn that this movie was a Western
03:40with a lot of gun action.
03:42You will learn that one of the rounds in that revolver
03:45was a real round.
03:47Good morning.
03:49This was an unspeakable tragedy,
03:51but Alec Baldwin committed no crime.
03:53He was an actor acting.
03:55And you will hear no evidence,
03:57not one word,
03:59that Alec Baldwin had anything to do
04:01with that real bullet being brought onto that set.
04:03This is critical evidence in the case
04:15that was never disclosed to us.
04:16This is not the first time.
04:17It's not the second time.
04:18It's not even the third time.
04:20It's time for this case to be dismissed, Your Honor.
04:22The pivotal moment in Alec Baldwin's criminal trial
04:24seen here when the actor's legal team claimed
04:27New Mexico prosecutors did not disclose new evidence
04:30pertaining to the live rounds found on the Rust film set.
04:33The state's willful withholding of this information
04:36was intentional and deliberate.
04:38Your motion to dismiss with prejudice is granted.
04:41The context of conviction on the Rust film set
04:55is now a blow of the virus called считonduco.
04:58The result inätter is the green note.
04:59It comes from the society that exists in trzeba
04:59can encompass it's going in commission.
05:02The view of this���ic bookjiещ facility
05:04which veure North gandering
05:07of the Rust film set in theemaleGeoise
05:08There are still some of those우�mas
05:08in the first time there are still
05:10I want to know how you're feeling physically, mentally, right now.
05:29I, how I've been feeling is I'm worried, I'm still worried.
05:46I am a faith-based person, I am, I'm Catholic, I prayed and prayed about this until I was
05:56going to pass out.
06:01So it's hard for me to talk about how I'm feeling, but I am very grateful to her and I'm grateful
06:12to God and to my friends and my family who helped support me.
06:18We were really heavily impacted by this and it's going to take a long time.
06:22It's going to take time.
06:29What are you going to say to your parents when you see them at the door?
06:34Because this is the first time they ever left you.
06:36Oh, oh, oh, oh.
06:37Wait, Sylvia, do you know what I'm in here?
06:38In a minute.
06:39I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,
06:56I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I
07:26We went to the park and play, Chad, and Edu won.
07:31I, Edu, Chad.
07:33And who won?
07:36We're not sleeping yet, right?
07:38No.
07:39They're good.
07:39They don't have a beer.
07:41Everybody be quiet, so she thinks we're not home.
07:44Everybody be quiet.
07:46We can be so frustrated.
07:47Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
07:51Who's going to be the quietest one?
07:52Me.
07:56They're here, here, here.
07:59Just open me!
08:01They're coming!
08:20What I'm feeling, I'm feeling gratitude, confusion, exhaustion.
08:26Dad, shut up!
08:27Daddy, shut up!
08:29Shut up!
08:30To come home to these kids, they're so sweet, they're so sweet.
08:34And I, I just was happy.
08:35This is my life now.
08:41Dad!
08:42What do you need for?
08:43Daddy!
08:44Please!
08:45Please!
08:46We made it home!
08:47We made it home!
08:48Everything we've been through, I said to myself, this is perfect.
08:52This is what I'm doing, is raising my kids.
08:55And I just feel like, it's such a privilege.
08:58Guys, I missed you!
09:00Guys, I missed you!
09:01Guys, I missed you!
09:02Guys, I missed you!
09:03As a parent, you're like, to keep everybody together, and especially going through hard
09:16things, you keep them together even more.
09:17It's like, everybody huddle, everybody under my wings, you know?
09:20And, um, I wrote, this is going to sound so stupid, I wrote them all little letters,
09:28the ones that I left here, and I hid them, and I told my friend where they were if something
09:35happened to us.
09:36This was not a win.
09:48This, like, this is just an awful thing that happened to, you know, to people.
09:54It ha-, there was an awful thing that happened.
09:57The baby went to Mexico, too.
10:00Yeah, he went to Mexico.
10:03The hardest thing about this is that a woman lost her life.
10:10A son lost his mom.
10:12Halina didn't get to go home.
10:17And that's what makes everything so painful.
10:22Bye-bye!
10:23Oh!
10:26We're coming back to something totally new, where we just get to make more choices.
10:33than what we made before.
10:35And now we can try to remember how to live again.
10:40And that is a dream come true.
10:43Just the privilege and the gift of being able to, uh, come home, you know?
10:48Be with them.
10:49My kids are happy, that's all I care about, you know?
10:51And you just live one day at a time.
10:58I'm so sorry.
11:00Uh-huh.
11:01I'm sorry.
11:02Have a great story.
11:04I'm so sorry.
11:05I don't know.
11:06I don't know.
11:07I don't know if I can make any sense.
11:08I have nothing to do.
11:09I don't know.
11:10I don't know if I can.
11:12I can make any sense.
11:13You need patience to raise children?
11:16you need patience to raise children you need a lot of patience to raise seven children a lot
11:30and when you deal with what we've been dealing with and have that on your plate and have this
11:34city you're like i feel like i'm there with a big stone on top of a big boulder hand me that
11:39hand me that baby when you're ready i'll watch it come here donkey kong
11:43you're gonna drive yes let me see this today you want to close the door
11:49and it has had such a painful impact on our parenting because we just need more of everything
11:58we're gonna go no you sit with die and when the tank is almost empty i mean we every time we turn
12:08around it's a transaction that costs us something that we don't have enough of and that's patience
12:13go with dizzy i gotta get your baby hold on please go with dizzy i'll get your baby
12:17no no no no okay hold on you're gonna go um
12:20saying who's the better driver my kids have voted
12:26where do you go from a tragedy
12:35i don't know i guess everybody gets to find their own way
12:46pain is not something that any of us want to live with
12:56so little by little we start to move into a place where we can try to begin to heal
13:06okay
13:20Okay, sugar, eggs, butter, sugar, eggs.
13:38Carmen!
13:39Come!
13:40Kids growing up in the spotlight is complicated, especially during a hard experience.
13:47Hello.
13:48Hello.
13:49I'm trying to be mindful of that.
13:51We really have to try to get them grounded.
13:54All right, we're making grandma's recipe.
13:57We're going to make grandma's cake and we're going to make Lulu friendly cake.
14:02Okay?
14:03And they're going to be more or less the same, except we're going to do hers without the
14:06things she's allergic to.
14:08And then I'm going to have butter fingers.
14:11You're going to have butter fingers.
14:13My hands look glittery.
14:16One day I will not be here.
14:18So you have to learn this recipe and you are going to have to make it.
14:22Okay.
14:23Okay.
14:24Sifting, sifting.
14:25But watch what you're doing.
14:26I know.
14:27Okay.
14:28I had such a weird dream.
14:29About what?
14:30I had a dream that we moved.
14:31I'm not quite sure where.
14:32Where would we go?
14:33But like, we were never going back to the US.
14:35But when we were saying that and we believed that, we were still going to the US.
14:38It was really confusing.
14:39Um, okay.
14:40How are you feeling about everything?
14:42Like, you know, we went to New Mexico.
14:44Now we're here.
14:45Are you feeling...
14:46The boys are going to hear you.
14:47It's okay.
14:48No, they're not here.
14:49We went to Mexico.
14:50No, Carmen.
14:51They're not listening.
14:52With our kids doing this, I think that there are some that understood, you know, Carmen.
14:54We chose to bring her to the trial in New Mexico.
14:56Because she's the kind of person where she doesn't see us.
14:57Her mind is going to go...
14:58If she wasn't with us, she'd go crazy.
14:59Yeah.
15:00Her mind would go very...
15:01She was here with the boys.
15:02She didn't know.
15:03She needs to...
15:04She's young.
15:05She's going to be 11 in a month.
15:06But she's also very intellectually curious and seeking.
15:09And if she was here with just them...
15:10I think she would have really had very...
15:11She would have really been super hoops.
15:12Anxiety.
15:13She would have been very...
15:14She would have been very...
15:15Very...
15:16Very...
15:17Very...
15:18Very...
15:19Very...
15:20Very...
15:21Very...
15:22Very...
15:23Very...
15:24Very...
15:25Very...
15:26Very...
15:27Very anxious.
15:28But we were, like, really stressed out on our way, like, leading up to it.
15:31Was it hard?
15:32Yeah.
15:33Once I got there, I felt more calm.
15:35Like, when I was here, I was like, oh no.
15:37But, like, then when I was there, I was like, oh.
15:39What were you afraid about when you were here?
15:41That dad was going to jail.
15:44That the boys wouldn't say their papa again.
15:47That's one thing about kids.
15:50They absorb so much more than we think that they are.
15:53And it's sort of this weird balance of being able to give them information, because otherwise they're going to fill the information in, and then not giving them too much information to not make them more worried about things.
16:05One of the reasons, like, why I brought you was because I realized that the way that you deal with stress is a lot of times you have to see what's going on.
16:13And some of the other ones, it's a little bit more, it's better for them to get distracted.
16:17Yeah.
16:18I mean, I just felt so bad.
16:21But me and my mom, like, talked together.
16:23We would talk about everything.
16:24I don't think, like, she can't hide stuff from me.
16:28Even if she tries, she can't.
16:29It's impossible.
16:30But she just makes me feel better.
16:32And so I brought you because I thought that that was, from our conversations, that that was going to be the best thing for you.
16:41I don't know if I made the right choice.
16:43Yeah, you did.
16:44I did?
16:45And I would have long walks, and I'd talk with her, and I'd explain it to her.
16:50Whereas Rafa, through Mary Lou, we have them in a certain routine that they can kind of bury themselves in that routine and get a bit distracted.
16:58Yeah, sure.
16:59They have distractions.
17:00Nothing distracts Carmen.
17:01But no, but at the same time.
17:03She wants to be on every board of directors.
17:04It's the age and it's the personality.
17:06I remember being really stressed and walking with you and trying to figure out, like, what am I supposed to do?
17:13How are we going to get through this?
17:15What's this going to be like?
17:16And, and we did.
17:18Yeah.
17:19I'm done sifting.
17:20You did a really good job.
17:22I'm so proud of your sifting.
17:24I'm so proud of your sifting.
17:26I'm so proud of your sifting.
17:27Sifting, sifting.
17:28Sifting is the best.
17:30Hey, how was your day at camp?
17:33Mommy, can I do it?
17:34You know what I'm looking forward to now, Carmen?
17:36Yeah?
17:37That we can have a more predictable life, maybe.
17:39Mommy, can I have a chocolate?
17:41I need it for the cake.
17:43I don't want the chocolate.
17:48Mom, can I have some chocolate?
17:51I'll give you guys more, but we have to use them for the cake.
17:55I think children, when I'm observing, particularly from this experience, they hide their feelings.
18:01They learn to stuff their feelings because they think it's not appropriate or they don't, they're afraid of those feelings.
18:07I think that's such an inaccurate thing.
18:09I don't think that's at all true.
18:10Can I finish before you go?
18:11Why don't you finish?
18:12Then you can have a whole...
18:13I don't like, that's not even a true thing.
18:14They're so connected to their feelings.
18:15Okay.
18:16But what I'm...
18:17Okay.
18:18Is it done?
18:19It's done.
18:20Do you want to see?
18:21Yeah.
18:22Is that you, Alec?
18:23Hi.
18:24Where's my cake?
18:25It's so hot, you're going to burn yourself.
18:28Is that hot?
18:29Well, Pam.
18:30I spent a lot of...
18:32I'm always watching.
18:34I'm watching all of them all the time.
18:36This entire thing has been as many things with parenting.
18:40There's been no manual.
18:43Mommy, I'm okay.
18:45Give me a pick.
18:47Look, you only have four pieces left.
18:49I want!
18:51Not only were we holding on so much, and then it's going to take us a long time to kind of release it,
18:59it's that our kids, on their level of age, were doing exactly the same thing.
19:04What do we need to do now?
19:06I've never been through anything like this in my entire life.
19:10Who knows what's the right thing to do?
19:23With seven little children in a house, sometimes it's impossible to complete a sentence.
19:28And when we're talking about issues that are really important, like healing, like where are we going from here,
19:37we have to get out of the house in order to focus and be able to have these more serious conversations.
19:46And we also know that Alec loves a restaurant.
19:49Hi, how are you?
19:50How are you?
19:51Good.
19:52Alec is such a New Yorker.
19:54And what a New Yorker is, is we eat out.
19:58He loves the experience.
20:00He loves the no mess.
20:02That's definitely a big part of it.
20:04What do you want to have, sweetie?
20:06I am going to have, can I have the summer salad, please?
20:09Sure.
20:10I'm going to have the egg sandwich.
20:11You know what I'll do?
20:12It's really good.
20:13So they make it into an omelet with the cheddar and the pickled onions in there?
20:15Yep.
20:16How many eggs is in there?
20:17Like three.
20:18They put three eggs in it?
20:19Yeah.
20:20I want a lot of eggs.
20:21I'm going to have that no bacon.
20:22And you should add avocado.
20:23You want a bite of it?
20:24There you go.
20:25Okay, we're going to add avocado.
20:26Because that was the other thing I liked on the menu.
20:28I just don't want to get easy.
20:29We're going to add avocado.
20:30You seeing how this works now?
20:31Getting this now?
20:32Avocado in there.
20:33I'll share some of my salad.
20:35And you share some of your egg sandwich.
20:37You share some of your salad.
20:38And that's how's marriage.
20:39And you have regular fries?
20:40Yeah, I'll have fries.
20:41I'll have some fries.
20:42Okay, thank you very much.
20:43I'm not going to pretend.
20:44It's summertime.
20:45Thank you, thank you.
20:47Thank you, boo.
20:48Cheers to doing lunch.
20:49When was the last time you and I had lunch?
20:51That's lunch in Montauk.
20:53That was like a chapter of a book.
20:54Lunch in Montauk was pre-children.
20:57You have a butterfly.
20:58No, it's a good look.
20:59It's a good look.
21:00Wait, wait, film it.
21:01Aw.
21:02Can I have it?
21:03He likes you.
21:04Can I have it?
21:05Okay.
21:06Look, it's like cleaning its wings or something.
21:08What is it doing?
21:09It's cleaning its butt.
21:11I feel like this is like a sign.
21:12It's love.
21:13It's a sign from the green.
21:14Do you love me?
21:15It's literally going to make that.
21:16No, no, no, watch her.
21:17That's magical.
21:18That was magical.
21:19That's good look.
21:20That's such good look.
21:21Okay, guys.
21:22We got this summer salad.
21:24Wow.
21:25Got your egg sandwich.
21:28Now that we've gotten to this place, I think it's good to have a check-in.
21:35Not only checking in and making sure that we're doing right by our kids, but I think even more importantly is we have to put our own oxygen mask on.
21:44Of course.
21:45And that's what I'm doing.
21:46Good analogy.
21:47And I have weekly therapy appointment.
21:51And that's been very helpful.
21:55Over the past three years, our kids have gone through a hard time.
22:00We've gone through a hard time.
22:02I went to make an appointment with our family therapist to check in and make sure that we are steering our ship in the right direction.
22:10What are our challenges, do you think?
22:12For me, it's my exercise routine and how I, you know, how I schedule my day.
22:20That structure works really well for somebody who has ADHD.
22:23And it's not, yes, it's for my body, but most of it's for my mind.
22:27Because if I move and I move and I move, I can think clearer.
22:30I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child and it's been an interesting journey.
22:36I like to explain it like you're getting tumbled in a wave.
22:40You get tumbled in a wave and you get like kind of like spun around backwards.
22:43You kind of just get like stuck somewhere.
22:46And understanding it sometimes has helped me to get back to it a little bit better.
22:51But I still have a lot of work to do.
22:54So that's the thing is that that's where I'm hoping that our next steps are going to be that.
23:01I can address mine because again, we're very clever.
23:04We figured out ways to calm our nervous system, which is what we're doing.
23:08And we can sign up like, oh, but you know what?
23:10It's because I like to have a clean house or, oh, it's because I like to be in shape, right?
23:13We can say these things, but is it actually hurting us?
23:18For me, my nature to obsess about my problems and try to solve that.
23:24I white knuckled that steering wheel my whole life.
23:27I've tried to make the car go where I wanted it to go.
23:29Right.
23:30And taken years of my life in the process.
23:32Now, I'd like to stop doing that.
23:35I mean, I think that's really wise.
23:37I think the one thing is to see what can you control that we can make small shifts just within ourselves.
23:49Alec is a man born in the 1950s.
23:54And asking for help is a difficult thing.
23:57I also think it's his generation, which is that you're supposed to be much more shut down.
24:02You just go.
24:03You work.
24:04You do these things.
24:05You've got to be a man.
24:06You've got to be strong.
24:07You've got to be all these different kinds of things.
24:08But I think that the asking for help is not something that was modeled for him.
24:15And hopefully, he can realize that it's okay.
24:22Recently, I've gotten so focused on my own mental health and understanding, you know, why I function in a certain way.
24:31How do I deal with stress in a certain way?
24:33Because I will catch myself in times.
24:35I'm like, oh, okay, that's interesting.
24:36This is what I'm doing.
24:37Or I feel like I have to do certain things in a certain way.
24:40And then I kind of question, like, but do I have to?
24:43But would life still be okay if I didn't do it that way?
24:46For you, you have your, you know, your OCD.
24:50And it's organizing.
24:52You do these things in extreme circumstances to try to quiet your mind.
24:56Right.
24:57Like what?
24:58Like needing to know that all the goggles are in the goggle place.
25:03What are you talking about saying negative?
25:05Because the thing is that what I'm trying to have you understand is organization and being like, well, I'm just trying to be clean can be really good.
25:12Unless it's affecting sleep, stress, the way that you interact with people, if it's stressing people out around you, because you hold things to a different standard than the average person.
25:24What would happen if you left the goggles on the grass for a night?
25:29Yeah, what would happen?
25:30What would happen?
25:31What would happen?
25:32The question is, do you agree with me?
25:38What is it?
25:39It's weekly therapy, and I hope that that's something that you, that you are going to want to do as well.
25:51I agree with you.
25:57I'll talk to a therapist.
26:00I want to talk to somebody.
26:01I want to get insight into how do we allow, how do we get everything to kind of, the water to get calm.
26:07I feel like our kids have been in a boat.
26:08Yeah.
26:09And that boat's been going up and down and up and up and, you know, stormy seas, and they've been scared.
26:14Yeah.
26:15I told people that we were on a boat, we're heading toward the iceberg, we're heading toward the iceberg, and at the last minute we go, ooh, and we go around, and I'm like, oh my God.
26:22No, this is the analogy.
26:24We're going towards the iceberg, and it looks like a really, really scary iceberg, and then all of a sudden the iceberg was like, shh, and we continue on.
26:32That's what happened.
26:34I'm so glad you're not writing my next movie.
26:37I'm elated.
26:38I can walk away from this lunch.
26:40That's a victory.
26:41You're not going to get your fingers anywhere near my new movie.
26:44How are you doing?
26:45Oh, good.
26:46I'm in heaven.
26:48You're not eating your fries?
26:49Put them in a box, we put them in the oven and heat them up.
26:50The kids will love it.
26:51My cousins will eat every one of those.
26:53Put them in a little box.
26:54Do you mind?
26:55Yeah, yeah, no problem, no problem.
26:56That's it.
26:57We'll eat everything else.
26:59All I care about now is I want you to be happy and comfortable.
27:00I appreciate that.
27:01I want those kids to be happy and comfortable.
27:02You know what I'm going to do?
27:03I'm going to go back to school.
27:04What are you going to learn?
27:05And sit in a room in Spanish.
27:06What are you going to learn?
27:07Really?
27:08Yeah.
27:09That's not convenient for me because then I can't talk about you.
27:11You can't talk about you behind my back?
27:12Yeah.
27:13Don't you just pick a Swedish?
27:15Sorry.
27:16Do you just go on Swedish?
27:18I'm nervous to bring Alec to therapy because it has not been something he's been very receptive
27:25about in the past.
27:27We've tried a few times since we've known each other.
27:30And he's been through a lot of pain in his life.
27:33But he thinks it's easier to keep it in.
27:35But ultimately, it's just bubbling under the surface.
27:38And it's going to, it is affecting him.
27:41It's affecting our family.
27:43And he can live so much more free if he just learns to let go of it and open up.
27:49know.
27:50You know?
27:51I'm Soap Latina.
28:00Parenting, you need to have plenty of spare batteries.
28:02You know, because if you flag, if you stumble and you just sit there .
28:08That's not good for your kids.
28:10Thank you for that.
28:11I needed a little refreshment.
28:12This is the birthday, Alice!
28:17Thank God we have a big pool.
28:20When I built this pool, I didn't have seven kids.
28:22I was here by myself.
28:25Psychic stroke of genius at mine.
28:28This is a big part of their summer.
28:31One of the most important things we do is we get bugs.
28:34We clean the filters.
28:35Oh!
28:36Wait, what?
28:37Many bugs.
28:38Oh, wow.
28:39Oh, my God.
28:40Look at that.
28:41Oh, my God.
28:42There's so much crap in here.
28:43What happened if there was a tarantula in there?
28:45What do you show me?
28:45Look at the bugs, Louie.
28:47Oh, Louie, look.
28:48So many bugs, Lou.
28:50Look at this.
28:50Could you give me the red bucket?
28:52Yeah, I couldn't get it.
28:53Throw them in the grass.
28:54The birds can eat them.
28:55I'm going to boosh some water over here.
28:58All right, here we go.
28:59Boosh.
29:01Never won an Oscar.
29:03They had one for whooshing.
29:05I'm the Daniel Day-Lewis of booshing.
29:09What have we got here, Schmetzer?
29:10Oh, my God.
29:11Let other people go to the south of France
29:16and go on Geffen's yacht
29:18and sip wine and espresso martinis.
29:22That's not what I want.
29:24I want to clean the filters of my pool
29:26and throw all the bugs on the grass.
29:30My OCD is it is what it is in my life.
29:33It's part of my upbringing.
29:34What you're saying is just worse.
29:35There are worse problems one can have.
29:36No, can I tell you something?
29:37Can I tell you something?
29:38Yeah.
29:40You would be a lot happier without it.
29:41I say to you sometimes, you know what?
29:43You left those dishes.
29:44You'd be a lot happier.
29:45All of us.
29:45Because you know what?
29:46It also was before the kids.
29:48People would say that to me.
29:49And when I entered your house
29:50and I saw the things stacked just so
29:53and things had to be
29:54and how you chip things and do things.
29:56No, it don't have to be ill.
29:57You don't have to make it bad like that.
29:59You know this is my illness.
30:01And I want to say that to you.
30:05One, two, three, go.
30:08We're going to catch it with your butt.
30:10One, two, three, go.
30:13Almost, almost.
30:14I realized, somebody said this to me,
30:17am I supporting the OCD
30:18or am I supporting Alec?
30:21You know, and that's, and that in anything,
30:23I think about that with myself too.
30:25Who am I working with?
30:27And so I want to always support you,
30:29which is why I call you out
30:31on when you give a bull
30:32excuse like you just did.
30:34Ready?
30:34One more regular.
30:35It's just so good.
30:36Ready?
30:36One, two, three, go.
30:38Wow!
30:39That was epic.
30:40That was epic.
30:50Do you remember last night?
30:51There was a crow, like a dead crow.
30:54Yes.
30:54It wasn't there this morning.
30:55And I was like, oh, okay, something ate it
30:57or something awful happened, right?
30:59And then as I come back from my run,
31:01I started moving around.
31:04And so we caught it and it's at the vet.
31:07This happened to you with me with the geese.
31:09Yes.
31:09With a swan.
31:11No, no, it wasn't a swan.
31:11It was a seagull.
31:13It was a white.
31:14Okay.
31:14What did they teach us about the crow?
31:15That they had to put it down.
31:16Right.
31:16Why?
31:17Because what can't be fixed?
31:18Because their wings.
31:19The wings cannot be repaired orthopedically or whatever.
31:21But better to do something more humane.
31:24No, no.
31:25Good for you that you tried.
31:27Do you remember the crow?
31:28Yes.
31:29Yeah.
31:30The crow died.
31:31The crow died.
31:32Oh, the crow died?
31:32Uh-huh.
31:33Are we going to the orthopedist to see if the wing is fixed?
31:37No, where are we going?
31:37Wouldn't that be amazing?
31:38One day.
31:39No, we're going to go to see Dr. Sultan.
31:42And we're going to kind of check in on what we've been through and what our kids have been through.
31:49We have access to this amazing therapist.
31:52And what can we learn so that we can make sure that as we are spinning one foot in front of the other,
32:01that we are steering our ship in the right direction.
32:04Other families have also been through hard things.
32:07So this is obviously something where that has been studied.
32:09I'm sure that there are answers.
32:16Success.
32:18Don't forget the key, please.
32:19You mean this one?
32:20No, that one.
32:21That I was going to leave in the car?
32:22No, don't forget it.
32:28Maya!
32:33Got to get out of the way, UPS, because they will run you over.
32:36Very fast.
32:37They will run you.
32:38They're in a hurry.
32:40Hello.
32:42Hi.
32:43How are you?
32:43How are you?
32:44Nice to see you.
32:46You dress so nicely, and I'm here to clean your pool.
32:48Yeah, good to see you.
32:49Where are we sitting?
32:50Right here, guys.
32:51I've tried to bring Alec to therapy many times over the course of knowing him, and it's hard for him.
33:00You're digging up things that are uncomfortable, but it's about release.
33:04It's about moving through things.
33:05And so, no, I'm nervous.
33:07I'm nervous about going there.
33:09And I'm nervous because so many times in the past, it hasn't gone in a way where he's stuck with it.
33:18Well, can I start with one thing?
33:19Yeah.
33:20So, one of the things that I really had never had a sense of was how challenging it is to be supporting each other and processing through what has been a rough, what, almost three years?
33:35It'll be three years in October.
33:41Two things that are really important.
33:43Maybe we should shut these off completely.
33:45No, it's literally our children.
33:46No, but I don't want Carmen to do that, Alec.
33:48That's my fault.
33:49I usually enforce that.
33:50I actually put mine away.
33:51If I don't finish, I lose my concentration.
33:56Go ahead.
33:56And this is a result of what happened to me.
33:58I mean, if I'm talking to you and somebody interrupts me, I forget exactly what I was saying.
34:02I can't go back.
34:02I'm very traumatized by what happened.
34:05Alec needs to be told it's okay to talk about how he feels, to allow himself to break and be a little messy, because he keeps everything in until he bursts.
34:26And when he bursts, it's not done in a way that is thoughtful and in the direction of healing.
34:36He is very vulnerable.
34:37And I'm afraid of what might come out.
34:42Two years, nine months of this, it changes you.
34:55Absolutely.
34:55And you accommodate.
34:56You accommodate.
34:58And I had to accommodate to how I was living.
35:00And then all of a sudden, as soon as you accommodate, and you're living eight or nine months here, you're still in pain, you're still angry, you're still upset.
35:06But you're slowly accepting that maybe this is going to be this way forever.
35:09When we went to the trial, nobody had any idea what was going to happen.
35:13Let me just finish, because I'm going to lose my train of thought.
35:15Okay, okay.
35:16And that is that when you go, and we're going there, no one had any idea whatsoever what was going to happen.
35:23You adjust to, now it's over in a two-hour period, and I walk out the door and I'm completely free.
35:29After what happened, it's been really, really, I mean, I've had like an emotional, mental, neurological, whatever the whole composition of it is.
35:38It's inability to focus and to concentrate.
35:40And that's not me.
35:42That's not me.
35:42I have a photographic memory.
35:43I mean, they'd hand me two-page monologues on 30 Rock that morning, and I'd memorize it, because I just had that, I developed that ability.
35:50And my memory's shot.
35:53I can't remember anything anymore.
35:54It's really scary.
35:56And for me, the stress and the pressure of public life, at my age, that's not good for my mental health.
36:04That's where I really want to make sure that we're being smart about where do we go from here.
36:09I am someone who have found that there is no right or wrong.
36:14You do the best you can.
36:16You bring the greatest you of yourself and your intelligence and your caring to bear to make these decisions about our children.
36:22And then after you give it some thought, my motto is, I'm tired of talking about it.
36:28We have to take an action.
36:29In my mind, that doing what's best for yourself, your mental health, and doing what's best for your children's mental health is an action you must take.
36:39And you don't have to agree with me about that action, but we're not taking any action.
36:42I really feel like we owe our children the willingness, the willingness and the open-mindedness to try something outside of New York.
36:50It's good that we have a sense of where you are.
36:54That sounds like this is a really important place that you're in right now that is affecting your decision-making.
37:00As we know that one of your prioritizations is sort of, I think, removing yourself from the public eye a little bit
37:05and moving to an area that you think would be lower stress interaction.
37:11Great.
37:12Let's ask her where she would like to go.
37:14I remember when I had only known you for a little bit and you had something happen and you did an interview.
37:25And on the cover, it was like, goodbye, New York.
37:27I'm leaving.
37:28Goodbye.
37:30Alec has always wanted to run away when something bad happened.
37:33And that's normal.
37:35And so I know that in him, you know, in our relationship when I was younger and he would retreat and even like just little spats between us.
37:43And he would retreat.
37:44And I would get so worried.
37:46I'd like to take action.
37:47Okay, but we're not there yet.
37:48But the action may be that we move here, we go here, we choose these jobs, we don't choose these jobs.
37:55Those things, they're going to all fall into place.
37:58But we're not going to know what the right thing is if we don't do the hard work.
38:04As your wife, as your partner, as the mother of the children, is I see moments where you want to run away, you want to deflect, you want to like all of a sudden things get a little bit hard and we're saying, yes, we take action.
38:18And I've lived with you, I've known you for 13 years, over 13 years now.
38:22And for you, it's always, well, I have to move.
38:24Well, I have to quit this.
38:25Well, I have to do that.
38:27Alec is an actor.
38:28He loves to connect.
38:30He loves that energy.
38:32When I see him with his friends at SNL and when he was on 30 Rock, those are his people.
38:39That is his community.
38:40That's his home base.
38:41And the action that you and I need to take is in here and in here.
38:46That's your opinion.
38:47No, no, but I'm telling you.
38:48It's not a fact that you're opinion.
38:49There's no facts.
38:50There's only opinions.
38:50There are no facts.
38:51Right, exactly.
38:52There are no facts.
38:52There are only opinions.
38:53But I can tell you that what is the great AA quote that you told me?
38:57Wherever you go, your problems call you.
38:59You show up.
39:00You show up.
39:02I'm acknowledging what you're saying.
39:04I've known that as an AA term for 30-something, 39 years.
39:08I get it.
39:09I get it.
39:09All I'm saying is, is that I do not want to go back to the life I had.
39:13I don't.
39:14I don't care.
39:15I don't want to go back.
39:16I don't.
39:27You are withdrawing.
39:28And I don't apologize for it.
39:30Your priorities are shifting.
39:31Right.
39:32Like, I mean, you have a lot of individuals that...
39:34I'm counting on this.
39:35You and the two of you together, right?
39:37Nothing like organizing my shoes.
39:41I worry about Alec because we were living with so much stress for such a long time that
39:46his OCD has gotten even worse.
39:50After everything we've been through, I just want to take care of my family.
39:58I want to be left alone.
39:59Dada.
40:00Yes, I'm Dada.
40:02Oh, look, paparazzi.
40:04It's okay.
40:04Just ignore him.
40:05I've had my skirmishes with paparazzi, and I've had my, you know, problems.
40:10You're here when my wife and my kid come out here.
40:12You've got a big problem.
40:12What are you doing?