The Reel World
Cash attempts to make a movie based on his roommates' lives; he gets more than he asked for when Breanna attempts to re-write their roles. But when Cash insists on sticking to the original script, she leads the whole cast off the set.
Cash attempts to make a movie based on his roommates' lives; he gets more than he asked for when Breanna attempts to re-write their roles. But when Cash insists on sticking to the original script, she leads the whole cast off the set.
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TVTranscript
00:00if you're gonna throw underwear on my face I prefer something lacy hold your
00:19own drawers come on you always fold my clothes yeah y'all had a nice routine
00:23going you folded his drawers and he tried to get into yours
00:30yeah well those were girlfriend privileges single brothers fold they own drawers
00:36after five years and 267 dollars in jewelry this is the closest I've been to
00:40your panties you are such a jerk you're just more of a jerk with stupid granny
00:46panties well goodbye everybody I'm packing my bags and I'm moving back home
00:54what's wrong man photographer I know just signed a deal to direct the Jamie Foxx
00:58movie why'd I even come to Hollywood I should have stayed in the riggedy riggedy
01:01rap game MC cash what what
01:04well maybe it's time you do something about it cash yeah you should make a
01:09short film yeah you should make a movie cash it could be about dating Brianna
01:12action or should I say no action I can't make a movie I don't even have a script
01:19you can just write a script you have to at least try and whatever you need we got
01:24your back maybe you're right yep and if you want to win an Oscar you have your
01:28mister laughy-taffy right here
01:34you can feel all by yourself
01:38I can't take another day no no I want you out of my face right now for sure
01:41I can't take another day no no no I want you out of my face right now for sure
01:47I can't take another day no no no I want you out of my face right now for sure
01:54I can't take another day no no I want you out of my face right now for sure
02:02love you no no no I want you out of my face baby
02:06hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm
02:12how Ernest do you have to breathe so loud
02:14hey I don't have to breathe at all
02:17how
02:17alright let me see a show of hands of those
02:23who stayed up all night and wrote a movie
02:25you stayed up all night and wrote a movie
02:31Oh, sorry.
02:32I thought you said stayed up all night and rode a booty.
02:34My bad.
02:40So, tell us about your movie.
02:43I was inspired by you guys.
02:45It's about a young couple in love
02:46who moves from Baltimore to Venice Beach
02:48and ends up sharing a house with four roommates.
02:51So it's a horror film.
02:55Anyway, so you're using our lives?
02:57I use everyone's lives.
02:58They always say, write about something you know.
03:00Hey, Cash, I think that's great.
03:01We should all be supportive of you.
03:03Well, good, because I was hoping to use you all as my actors.
03:05And not because I can't pay real actors.
03:08What's the reason?
03:09Well, I thought if I put Sarah in a movie,
03:11she might sleep with me.
03:14Never.
03:17Cash, why are you shooting a movie about the past?
03:19It's so boring.
03:20Yeah, two hours of a frustrated Arnaz
03:22taking a cold shower.
03:26You should make something more exciting
03:28while you have single, fun, and young Brianna
03:31right in your face.
03:32Hey, you know Hallie's career didn't go to the top
03:35until she took off her top.
03:37Are you kidding?
03:39Brianna wouldn't even take off her top in my dreams.
03:46Well, Brianna, if you feel like you can't handle the role...
03:48Oh, who said I couldn't handle the role?
03:51I am an actress.
03:53I can fake anything.
03:54Ask Arnaz.
03:56You gotta try to fake it.
04:02What up there, Beats?
04:05What are you doing here, Manny?
04:07We paid rent last week.
04:08Yeah, and we're out of beer.
04:10That's true.
04:11My white, chocolatey kitty cat.
04:13But my nose detects fresh ink on warm paper
04:16as in a script.
04:17Well, how do you know that?
04:19Trust me, after being on a sitcom for four years,
04:21you start recognizing the smell of fresh ink
04:23in case they try to write you out for the show.
04:25Happened to Mike Evans.
04:27Who's Mike Evans?
04:28Exactly!
04:29Mike Evans was the original liner on the Jeffersons.
04:33I think he teached Tybo down in North Hollywood.
04:35He taught me this.
04:40Anyway, where's the script?
04:41Well, the script's right here,
04:42and no, you can't have a part.
04:44You will say that to it, brother?
04:46With acute leukemia?
04:50You do not have acute leukemia.
04:52Baby, I got acute everything.
05:02Well, Cash, I think I speak for everyone here
05:05when I say we're really excited about your movie.
05:07But we only have one concern.
05:09In the credits, is my name going to be first?
05:14Ignore her.
05:15When do we start shooting?
05:17Actually, we're shooting right now.
05:19I hit a camera right over there in that bush.
05:21No way!
05:23What?
05:23We're shooting right now?
05:25What?
05:25Ooh, Lisa, switch sides with me.
05:27This is my good side.
05:31I think I found your good side.
05:33Look, I can't afford the permits I'm supposed to have,
05:37but I need this scene,
05:38so I put your lines in these menus.
05:41Okay, so my line is,
05:43all sandwiches come with french fries and potato salad.
05:48Below that.
05:49Oh.
05:50That makes more sense.
05:53Wait, how come we're not getting a whole script?
05:55I'm only giving it out one scene at a time.
05:57It's very Woody Allen.
05:58Uh-oh.
05:59Watch out, Lisa.
06:02Okay, let me set the scene.
06:03You guys just found out
06:04nobody has any money to pay for the meal.
06:06That'll be a stretch.
06:07We never have any money.
06:08No problem.
06:09The waiter's a friend of mine.
06:10He knows you guys are gonna dine and ditch.
06:11Just make it look real.
06:12Okay.
06:12Okay.
06:13Everybody knows their lines, right?
06:15Right?
06:15Yes, yes.
06:16Okay, great, great.
06:16Oh, and, uh,
06:17Brianna and Arnaz,
06:18I need you two to be sitting next to each other,
06:19so Lisa and Brianna, switch.
06:20I told you.
06:24Oh, and, uh, Arnaz,
06:25put your arm around her.
06:27What?
06:27Uh-uh.
06:28No, no, he is not touching me.
06:30Don't worry.
06:31You can't get pregnant
06:32for me putting my arm around you.
06:35Now, an action.
06:38Okay, you guys,
06:38the check's been on the table
06:40for about an hour,
06:41and now we're looking at menus again.
06:43I think they're getting suspicious.
06:46But we can't pay for it.
06:47We're low on cabbage.
06:49Cabbage?
06:51Stay in character.
06:53What are we going to do?
06:54I'm too cute to wash dishes.
06:57This isn't the Twilight Zone, Lisa.
07:00Well, guys,
07:02there's only really one thing we can do.
07:0418% gratuity,
07:05including all parties,
07:06is six or more.
07:10Above that, you ass jack.
07:14Uh-uh.
07:15Run.
07:15Run.
07:15Oh, my God.
07:16Oh, my God.
07:20Hollywood.
07:22Love it, live it, breathe it.
07:23And Hollywood.
07:24Hollywood.
07:25Ain't no place on earth
07:27like Hollywood.
07:29Oh, Cash,
07:30I'm not quite getting a handle
07:32on my character.
07:33Is there any way
07:34I can see a whole script?
07:36Brianna, you're a fish out of water with your boyfriend in California and four roommates.
07:40Pretty simple.
07:41So simple, it should be a TV show.
07:43Yeah, but you have Brenda so wrapped up in her romance with this Arnie character
07:47that you're not being true to her real objective, which is chasing her dream.
07:52Yeah, and why am I dancing naked in a tub of Jell-O?
07:55It has nothing to do with the story.
07:57Because I want everything to jiggle.
08:01It's my movie, okay?
08:03It's a highly stylized comedy.
08:05Don't worry, it'll be cinematic magic.
08:07Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.
08:08I suppose you have a problem, too, Arnaz.
08:11Yes, I do.
08:12I have a problem figuring out what my stage name should be.
08:15Arnaz is so...common.
08:18You know, I got a question.
08:20Why is my character, your character, sidekick?
08:23What makes you say that?
08:24Well, for starters, his name is Sidekick Charlie.
08:28Well, um, and you do know that Filipinos don't wear kimonos?
08:32That's the Japanese.
08:33I know, but Tokyo's a bigger market than whatever village you've got over there in the Philippines.
08:38Now, I'll be back shortly.
08:40Will you tell you at least want to hear us out?
08:44No.
08:44That's awesome, but wait.
08:49Brianna, are you sure that Cash won't be mad that we're making changes to his movie?
08:53Well, I wasn't going to tell you guys, but I snuck a peek at the whole script, and trust me,
08:57these changes we are making are going to make it so much better.
09:00I mean, these characters are us, and who knows us better than us?
09:04Oh, my God.
09:06I totally forgot that Arnie is me.
09:09I need more tank tops.
09:13I want to read the whole script.
09:14Uh, no, you don't.
09:16Believe me.
09:16You'll be glad we made these changes.
09:19Here comes Cash.
09:20I'll do all the talking.
09:21Okay.
09:22I got the Jell-O.
09:24Cherry-flavored.
09:28Soon to be Sarah-flavored.
09:33Brianna has something to ask you.
09:35Yes, Brianna.
09:35There will be room for both of you in the Jell-O tub.
09:39No.
09:40We were talking about our characters,
09:42and we made some slight changes to reflect our motivations.
09:46Really?
09:47Changed my script?
09:49Well, we'll just show you what we came up with.
09:52All right, everybody, place us.
09:54Let's get out of the seat.
09:58And action!
10:01Look, if we don't come up with the rent money,
10:04we'll all be out on the street,
10:07and I'll be wearing a tank top.
10:12Well, I don't know about the rest of you,
10:14but I'm a single, independent woman of style
10:17who's got her groove back,
10:18and I can take care of myself, sugar.
10:20And I can always get a rich doctor to take care of me.
10:26Or a lawyer.
10:28Or anybody rich, really.
10:29Oh, that's great news!
10:33Yes!
10:34That was Kanye.
10:35We just closed the deal.
10:36We just bought Africa, baby.
10:39I can't wait to tell my tall, white sidekick, Chump Change.
10:43And I can't wait to tell everyone
10:47that you and I are getting married.
10:50Wait, that ain't in the script.
10:51It's in mine.
10:52Hey, cut!
10:54You guys are ruining my movie.
10:56Where's the comedy?
10:57Well, this just feels so much more real.
10:59There is no way a strong woman like Brenda
11:01is gonna live her life for Arnie.
11:03And by strong, you mean like a python,
11:06choking the life out of Arnie.
11:07Yeah, man, Brianna's right, dog.
11:11The way you had our characters was whack.
11:13Well, I like the characters.
11:15Well, we don't.
11:16Well, too bad.
11:16I'm not changing it.
11:18Fine, man.
11:19We quit.
11:20Yeah.
11:21Yeah.
11:29All right, now, he's coming, y'all.
11:31Beautify yourselves.
11:31So, uh, what'd you think, Mr. Director, man?
11:42You like the cast I assembled for you?
11:44These are your acting students?
11:47Well, yeah, some of them have graduated.
11:50Like, uh, see, Sassy here
11:52has made quite a name for herself
11:53on the streets of Hollywood.
11:57And this old lady is supposed to play Lisa.
12:00Hey, oh, you're talking about Henny.
12:01See, now, Henny, she knows magic.
12:03She's a magician.
12:05Ta-da!
12:07That was interesting.
12:09Um, but can you act?
12:12Ta-da!
12:13Got not?
12:17Yo.
12:19What's going on?
12:21People waiting for the buzz in here now?
12:25No.
12:26I've recast my movie.
12:28This is the new, improved version of you guys.
12:30Brianna, that's you.
12:33She's a mime!
12:35As in, doesn't talk, smell the irony.
12:39Now, that I can date.
12:41Shut up!
12:42Mimes don't talk.
12:45Okay, everyone, if you're not in the movie,
12:48clear the set.
12:53Hi, Sarah.
12:54Hi.
12:56Hi.
12:57Wait, aren't you our water guy?
12:59Yeah, yeah.
13:00You, uh, you might recognize me
13:02from such roles as your water guy.
13:06But, uh, I'm really an actor.
13:08I'm playing Arnie.
13:09It's the male romantic lead.
13:15This role could make me a star.
13:17Well, before your meteoric rise to the top,
13:22can we get an extra case of Little Waters next week?
13:24Sure.
13:25Those are our best sellers.
13:26I'll, uh, keep a case refrigerated for you.
13:31Whatever.
13:32Just bring them.
13:33Okay.
13:35It's my first groupie.
13:39All right, let's get started.
13:41And let's see some magic.
13:43I love your ad-libs, Hennie.
13:52But let's stick to the script.
13:54After all, that's why you were hired.
13:57Places, everyone.
14:03Okay.
14:05And action.
14:10Stop yelling!
14:13It's not my fault we're out of money.
14:16Maybe, for once, you could stop complaining
14:19and help me figure out a solution.
14:22You know I'm stupid.
14:27Hey, it's D-Rock and Asian Spinster.
14:31What's going on?
14:33Now I'm a spinster?
14:35At least he got one thing right.
14:37I was in school, schooling these fools,
14:41because I'm the flyest thug in Malibu.
14:44Malibu for life, for life, for life.
14:48Ooh.
14:51Hey, man.
14:52What's up, mommy?
14:53Why you disrespecting me like that, man?
14:54Hey, man, quiet.
14:56You can talk to the screen when it comes out
14:57in Magic Johnson Theatres.
15:01Hey, come on, guys.
15:03Aren't we being a little sensitive?
15:04It's actually kind of funny.
15:06And so what if he exaggerated us a little bit?
15:09All right, where's the Jell-O?
15:11I got a rich guy coming over.
15:17Wait.
15:19That's supposed to be me?
15:24Okay, I've had it. Cut.
15:26Only I can yell, cut.
15:27Okay, maybe we should call a doctor.
15:32It's okay.
15:35I swallowed it.
15:36Yeah, we got some cans
15:41And plenty of D-Rock
15:44The Asian sister
15:46Free on, free on, free on, free
15:49Do you want Serena?
15:52Or maybe some Brenda
15:54The sexy Arnie
15:56Free on, free on, free on, free
15:59Yeah
16:00Hey, guys.
16:04What?
16:05And you are...
16:06Cash?
16:07Your roommate?
16:09No, no.
16:09We're our roommate.
16:11We've replaced you
16:12with a new improved version.
16:15Hey, you're Arnest.
16:17Bring in my new sidekick.
16:20Hey, friends.
16:21Hey, thanks for having me over.
16:26Now, before we start playing Dungeons & Dragons,
16:28you should know that I lost my 12-sided die.
16:32But I did bring my amulet of power.
16:38Ha, ha, ha.
16:39So you're replacing me with the geek of darkness?
16:44No, my official D&D name is Legolas,
16:47Soothsayer, Shapeshifter,
16:49and giant amongst elves.
16:50A key eye!
16:54You know what?
16:56I was just trying to make a movie.
16:57You guys are just being mean.
16:59Well, look who you recast us with.
17:01Is that really what you think of us?
17:03You made me a prostitute.
17:05Lisa a spinster,
17:06Brianna a mime,
17:07DMACC a phony,
17:08and Arnest dumb.
17:10Wait, you made me dumb?
17:13No, no, no, honey.
17:14God made you dumb.
17:16Cash just got it on tape.
17:17I had to recast you guys.
17:21You quit.
17:22And I rewrote it that way because I was hurt.
17:26All you had to do was take some of our suggestions.
17:29Just admit it.
17:30You guys never really thought I could do it in the first place.
17:32And as it turns out, you weren't wrong.
17:36My movie is terrible.
17:37So laugh it up.
17:40I suck.
17:41Thanks for keeping me from wasting the rest of my life.
17:54Hey, Cash.
17:57Look, man.
17:58We don't apologize.
17:59Yeah, we're sorry.
18:01We took it too far.
18:02Yeah, we did.
18:03Well, now that I think about it,
18:05I guess Brianna did.
18:06I mean, we just all kind of followed her lead.
18:08Yeah, that's true.
18:09That's very true.
18:10Whoa, whoa!
18:11When did this all of a sudden become my fault?
18:13Well, you pointed out to us
18:14that the only thing that sucked worse than our characters
18:15was the script.
18:16Yeah.
18:16Good point.
18:18Whoa, whoa, you read the whole script?
18:20Well, that's your fault.
18:21You shouldn't hide your laptop under your bed
18:23where anybody could easily stumble upon it
18:26if they looked hard enough.
18:29But why?
18:30I guess...
18:32I guess I freaked out
18:34when you had Arnez and I
18:36acting like we were a couple again.
18:38I had to know how far you were gonna take it.
18:41Based on us, how far could it go?
18:44The script called for you and I to kiss.
18:49And I just wasn't ready for that yet.
18:52You're an actress.
18:53You should be able to play anything.
18:54Yes, but I'm also a woman.
18:58That would have been too weird to kiss.
19:00Look, I know I was being unprofessional and selfish.
19:05I would feel horrible if you quit.
19:07The truth is, the script was really good.
19:10It was.
19:11We got your back, Ned.
19:13We'll do anything you need.
19:15Even if it means stuffing Lisa into a bikini.
19:21Or a dumpster.
19:24Thanks, guys.
19:26Maybe I can come up with something else.
19:27I do have one favor to ask.
19:32I don't have any money to pay for my bill.
19:34Can you help me out?
19:39Sure.
19:40Run!
19:40Love you, daddy.
19:51Love you, daddy.
19:53Love you, too, Ned.
19:56Love you, daddy.
19:58Love you, Daddy.
20:07Love you, too, Ned.