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Katt Williams Stand Up Compilation
 
Get ready for this hilarious stand up youtube shorts compilation of Katt Williams' . From his sharp wit to his unfiltered truth bombs, this video captures the best of Katt Williams' comedy genius thru youtube shorts. Whether he's spitting facts or delivering side-splitting jokes, these clips are guaranteed to keep you entertained. Don't forget to like, comment, and share your favorite moment! 

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Transcript
00:00I tried to be incognigro, but thanks to Shannon Sharpe's loudmouth ass
00:06The gig is up
00:09Everybody knows I'll tell
00:12But I don't do no snitching y'all know my job in my spare time I infiltrate the Illuminati
00:20Look for their secrets run back
00:25tell y'all
00:27And they'll kill me if they could but I'm too fast and the Lord keep blessing me so now understand that sometimes
00:34Will you hear me talk? I'm telling real secrets. That should not be out there
00:39But that's just what the fuck I gotta do
00:43Sometimes when I find out a secret it ain't even for the rest of the world. It's just for me for example
00:51I
00:55Look at the people that love me don't do it cat it's live
00:59My whole life I knew one of the greatest things in the whole universe
01:04Because every group of people
01:07agrees on
01:08Everybody's list put his way to appear all over the globe. I wanted to know how did
01:14Get to be number two in the whole universe
01:17Universe
01:19everybody agrees
01:20This is what I found out you ain't gonna believe this shit and you ain't gotta take my word for it
01:25You can test it out yourself. I found out the reason blow is
01:29Number two across the whole universe is there is a God and he loved you so much
01:36He put skin inside your mouth. You don't believe me
01:40Test it out for yourself
01:46That damn show is skin
01:49Ladies, whatever it feels like in there. That's you. Was it wet and delicious in there?
01:54That's you, but if it was dry and crusty in there, that's what it is
01:59Listen going on that people was not
02:03Talking about and we need to talk about this. They can't threaten me. I'm already scared
02:11I'm just saying it's a whole new world out there right now. They doing some right now today
02:16They have never been able to do in history. They changing up our words while we still using the words
02:23They just change them 20 years ago washed meant you was fresh and clean today
02:29If they say you are washed you are out of there
02:34It is not the same. They'll just change words
02:38They want me to be mad at woke
02:40I'm not finna change woke you not gonna act like that's a bad word. What the you mean? It's so political. It is not
02:49Political bit the the last time I checked woke was the opposite of sleep mother
02:59This is the greatest time to be alive in all of human history
03:05And you are living in it. Look at the people with depression
03:11That's right, if you got depression or anxiety tell your depression to shut up
03:17This is not the time for that for the first time in history
03:21You can change some you can fix them. You ain't got to take nobody's word for nothing. Not even God's Word
03:28Yeah, God made you he thought you was beautiful, but you think you ugly. Well, guess what you win
03:35You
03:37Can take your whole nose off and put another nose on there. You still gonna be ugly
03:42It's a new day and age you can fix it. Are you a short fat man?
03:45You don't have to be you got enough money. You could be a tall ugly bitch in three and a half weeks
03:53If you go to the right islands, they get the right procedures
03:57It's a new day and age you can do anything even if it's a bad idea like playing blind football
04:06It's that kind of confidence that continues to amaze people who watch Dylan play because he's doing all of this line
04:22I just wanted y'all to see that with me. I am so conflicted. First of all, let me make this very clear
04:32I mean
04:36You can but should you play
04:42Like it for him he can't win do you understand that he don't even know if he on the field
04:49He out there on defense trying to listen for me
04:55These ain't they play the whole game they didn't make no noise that the world is so crazy right now in real life in
05:02Hollywood they don't even make science fiction no more if it ain't Marvel or Disney or something like that because you cannot make up
05:10That's crazier than our real news
05:13Every day in this country. It is crazy
05:17unbelievable you could tuck your
05:20and
05:21Go in the game with some real women and whoop the out of them if you want to it's in the real news
05:28Take that down, but they try to cancel me for telling the truth
05:33That's right. They talk about the transgenders foul too hard. That's
05:37It's so politically correct. It ain't incorrect. No more the poor rep don't know what to say
05:44Anything he say wrong gonna get him fired and canceled. He just I
05:49Don't know what you got
05:54It's a new day in age
05:56Robert De Niro one of our finest greatest living actors 80 years old just had a brand new
06:03Goddamn, baby. Look at the man. What?
06:07Yes, what are you doing with your nuts just sitting on?
06:12Not our boy De Niro you 80 with a baby can't nobody tell you
06:16Not in this life or the next you see in a miracle if you a man 20 30 40 you shoot off 10 million sperm
06:24You shoot off 10 million sperm at one time not our boy De Niro. He shot off one sperm
06:32His last sperm he wasn't even racing nobody it was just him
06:40The first great-grandbaby daddy
06:44All I'm saying is believe in yourself
06:47Nick Cannon got
06:50136 children Jesus
06:54You know Nick was
06:58He deserved a Nobel Prize
07:01He is working
07:05You can laugh at Nick Cannon right now if you want to
07:08They're not gonna be laughing at Nick Cannon 100 years from now
07:13100 years from now Nick Cannon is gonna be one of the greatest
07:18that ever lived
07:20He got the same amount of kids as Abraham do you understand what that mean?
07:28It's gonna be whole cities and related to Nick Cannon that's the bin cannons over there
07:35There's so many things that you can do the only thing you cannot afford to do is quit just don't
07:43Quit if you don't take nothing else from this
07:47This is America
07:48This is the greatest country in the world not cuz some people say it cuz it really don't
07:54Yes, if you travel, you know that no matter how beautiful the place you visit
07:59You still be happy than a mother to get no back here to America stinking ass
08:06Cuz we number one, but in the greatest country in the world in one year
08:1350,000 people committed
08:15The that's a city's worth of people that gave the and think about it. None of them was the right one
08:25All the people they sell they get better the next day you
08:31You was not the problem believe in yourself
08:35You could play games for a living. You could be a gamer. Hold on. You could be an influencer and
08:42Get this
08:44You could be an influencer and not
08:51Goddamn thing you could be an influence list influencer
08:57It's a brand new day if I'm telling you the truth you could do today that was only available on the Jetsons
09:06You drive a car don't need no gas take that to a house don't need no electricity
09:11You could talk to a I write a letter to your plastic wife and your styrofoam kids all in the same day
09:18There's so many things that you can do. They are not playing fair out there
09:24If they catch you they'll make an example out of you and they don't give who you is
09:30They'll do anything
09:31You see what they did to Tory Lanez
09:35They took his freedom and his hairline in the same sentence
09:41He was just standing there bald and guilty that's a terrible combination I
09:49Felt sorry for him cuz
09:52He ain't even from this country
09:54He'll know how we get down. It was just a pinky toe
09:59Well, that's 10 years for some pinky toes
10:03They don't get who you it's they don't get who you it's it's a line
10:09If you cross it, that's your
10:13They came after Lizzo and she is unproblematic
10:17They don't give a
10:19It's a line you can be fat
10:24You can be black
10:27You can't be no fat black bitch
10:33You supposed to be happy and jolly
10:39A
10:41Truth is I'm telling you to do whatever you want to do, but it's still consequences
10:48Hollywood is finding that out right now
10:50Truth is you can do whatever you want to do, but it's still consequences
10:54Hollywood is finding that out right now. There's a drug problem in Hollywood. It's whooping. I'm so much bad
11:01They can't even tell you about but y'all know I'll tell
11:04Here's the truth won't nobody say that mother
11:14That's the truth that Olympic is too and it's too strong they know it's too strong ain't nothing they can do is too strong
11:21I didn't seen the paperwork. It's too strong. They say Oprah took so much that Gail lost 12 pounds
11:26It's too strong. People are
11:29Themselves to death. I didn't see the numbers. I was flabbergasted
11:32I know a woman that weighed a hundred and twenty-six pounds. She lost a hundred and thirty-one pounds
11:39Did you just do that math in your head that she had to borrow a few pounds?
11:45It's too strong. Jamie Foxx is a powerful mother
11:48Do you hear me that they say it on the news Jamie Foxx has a mystery illness
11:56Mystery illness
12:03Yeah, Williams got in on it can't wait said he knew they say he's suffering from a mystery
12:17Yeah, we'll say two thousand things that don't make sense but didn't say four things that make sense
12:23No, never in the history of medicine has there been a mystery illness in the real world if you got a mystery illness
12:29It means you are fine right when you believe they hit your again right after they said
12:35Had a mystery illness the next news flash. They said we just cured it
12:41You just
12:47Say something to you that sounds like a
12:50Made it up and it's really in the news. The FBI said they don't know who's
12:56What's at the White House?
13:01We don't know who's it is it was in Hunter Biden's room it's in hunters on the bag. What do you mean?
13:07Who's?
13:09It's crazy. Joe is doing the best he
13:13can
13:14We don't lower the bar so low for Joe as long as Joe don't fall we'd be fine gonna get up them stands
13:21Joe, there you go. That's a boy
13:24Huh? No
13:25Joe sleep the only person really working at the White House behind the scenes is Joe Biden's German Shepherd named commander
13:34Commander has been 13
13:36At the White House to this day commander is standing on business
13:41Case you wonder why you don't see Kamala Harris. She's scared of dogs
13:47What you mean you don't like black people what we are magnificent all across the universe
13:55And we're delicious all the cannibals swear by me
14:00You mean you don't like black people
14:03It mean you gotta believe that God cursed black people with this skin. What you mean the best skin in the skin?
14:11How could that be a curse?
14:13Nobody in Africa got a dermatologist or a skin regimen. It's just sunshine and dirt
14:21Skin flawless our women are some of the most voluptuous. Our men are some of the most well-endowed
14:28I'm not speaking for all just me. That's why I thought I was gonna be 6-1 or 6-2. This is too much pain for 5-5
14:37But the Lord is my shepherd
14:40It's a crazy time. I'm not the only black man with a bunch of mugshots show another one
14:48What you see to
14:51The world is crazy Trump finally decided to reach out to black people he decided to do it with a mug shoot cuz he heard
14:59Love sneakers. Those are $400 only a white man would make something but that no black people can match
15:07Who's got a red white blue and gold outfit? They've been waiting around
15:11I tried Joe Biden shoes, but I didn't like them. I put on one shoe and both my feet fell asleep
15:17Oh
15:20The air tingles
15:23They don't want to give no credit to the people that got black people out of slavery
15:27They don't want them to get no shine. So they erased it from history black women got black people out of slavery in America
15:34That's the facts black women did that there was no group of black men that got together because they killed all them that day
15:41It was black women that just so happened to be blessed with some of the sweetest most delicious
15:49Created black women do what was necessary great-grandmama wasn't just in there making cornbread. Oh, no
15:54She was also slinging some of the greatest that master had ever seen she lives in the house now
16:00What do you mean? What house Rebecca this house? You know who suck a mean miss buttersworth?
16:07You know, I've got to be for you to get a syrup name
16:12It's a thick and rich and delicious on the bottle to this day her and her girlfriend
16:18Hey, Jemima doing three for freedom. I
16:22Don't just tell black secrets
16:24I tell white secrets because we all family they don't lie to some of us they lie to all of us
16:29Look at the white people
16:31Okay
16:32Okay, here goes I found out if you look through history all through humankind at one point in history
16:38Every group of people has been slaves at least one time and white people they erase shores from history
16:46But I'm here to tell you in front of all these minorities. Here's the truth white friends. Y'all were some of the worst
16:53Slaves
16:54that ever existed
16:57Y'all was terrible white slaves. All they do is complain. I want to see the manager. We don't
17:04Rebecca this is slavery. I am the whole of speech
17:07They couldn't be in the field but 45 minutes then they got to come in to get sunscreen that we have not invented yet
17:13They grow in all the wrong crops wheat grass and romaine lettuce. It's sad
17:18I don't even recognize it. Is this the real world? This is crazy. You don't know what to believe
17:24Don't nobody even make up conspiracy theories. Don't vote
17:27truth
17:42We don't know what to believe
17:45We don't
17:47We let them tell us the worldwide doctors told us to get the vaccine
17:54I
17:57Guess dr. Fauci made all the vaccines
18:02Don't get me wrong. I don't mind taking the vaccine when I take my dog to the vet I get whatever shot
18:14Somebody
18:17White friends, let me tell you this it is now time for black people in America to get paid reparations for everything
18:26Ancestors have been through in American history black people. It's our money. And when do we need it?
18:32You see that white people we didn't even rehearse that
18:35The time is now and understand white friends. I know you thinking no seriously cat. Why now? I'll tell you what
18:41We just gave a hundred billion dollars to the Ukraine
18:46It looks like reparations is for black people, but it's not it's gonna help us but it's for you
18:51You think America been great before wait till we got a country full of rich
18:57It's been to be the greatest country in the world
19:01It's gonna be free barbecue and dance lessons. You pay them reparations racism is dead. You pay them reparations
19:08You can say
19:11Anytime you want to do him
19:15Look at the white people trying to act like they're not thinking about it
19:23You pay them reparations next day you can walk outside your house look for the biggest black instead you can find and say
19:30Did you get your money yet? You got damn right. I did god bless America
19:35Fast food is getting more aggressive
19:38Fast food used to be just a decision you make now they getting aggressive and we got to know when to draw the line
19:58Taco Bell done started
20:00Trying to trap. I gotta go all around the country warning my people to beware
20:05Taco Bell is trying to trap. Yes, they made a taco out of chicken meat
20:12In there we got to draw the line no Taco Bell
20:17No, we don't stop them. Now. They'll have chitlin chimichangas and
20:22Hogmaw nachos. No, we don't want no cornbread churro. Make them regular
20:27They told all of us in here there's a chicken wing short
20:34We just believe but liars always leave a clue
20:37They think they smarter than their meals. Did you notice they did not say it was a shortage of chickens
20:46Now I know some of y'all don't grow up on the farm
20:49Maybe you don't see a chicken every day, but try to envision in your mind what a chicken looks like
20:58Just so you knew they were lying they said some next that don't even make
21:04Mathematical sense they said there's a chicken wing shortage
21:09But we got plenty thighs
21:15But I will tell you this all chicken wings
21:19Come from a chicken they get two weeks
21:22two times
21:24Well, you get me spider-leg chickens from
21:26Some of y'all believe in God some of y'all believe in science
21:29I believe in both science might have done some things and God did some things science might have made a lot
21:36But God made the chicken how you know, God made it cuz that bird is the most delicious bird
21:43And that
21:46But God loves you
21:50In here be dead right now if you had to catch your own two-piece, you'll die just in the backyard
22:00That was a spicy combo too, I can't keep missing these opportunities
22:04That's how you know it from God what group of people don't quit chicken. Look at the beacons just us
22:11God made a chicken that ain't safe. No way
22:15Hit the ground somebody
22:24We traded in a crazy deranged
22:27Erratic, we traded him in for a weekend at Bernie's
22:31But I'm supposed to do if both sides is the dumb side. I don't even wanna play no more
22:36Joe need to get it together
22:39You need to wake up Joe
22:41Joe
22:44I'm so sick of talking about Joe Biden. Joe Biden is 96 years old
22:57Now you won't be daddy to get it together
23:01Joe Biden's doing the best he's mother. Okay, that man is 97 years old. I don't like the way he left Afghanistan
23:09How do you think a 98 year old man leave a fight
23:13Joe is doing the best he can give him a break. Joe is 99 goddamn years
23:21If you lucky enough to have a great granddaddy call him up right now on the phone and ask him is he ready to do
23:2612 press conferences tomorrow
23:31I'm gonna tell you statistics gonna blow your mind. There are zero make it fit
23:38Look at white people
23:40Yep, we would notice it was dropping dead for nothing. I looked up fit. No, that's it's beyond dangerous
23:45I said what you gotta do to die they said
23:48touch
23:54We would notice dying at the purchase
23:58It's
23:59Everybody's community ain't nobody going to jail
24:02Ain't no house is getting raided. Ain't nobody being looked into
24:06You know what?
24:08He's your doctor look at
24:19The truth too painful ain't no mother apple tree you are tree this the tree
24:25You the tree you are tree. All right, so if you the tree then what?
24:30Is
24:37Mess was don't touch the fruit
24:40they lied to the Christians to made up a whole bunch of religious stories because they didn't want you to know the truth because
24:45The truth is painful. The truth is
24:48Your mama's a hoe
24:52Look at the Christians, that's
25:00Yep
25:11They got a surgery five-foot man, they got a surgery only take one night it give you six inches of height over night
25:18Look at the short
25:22Walk I was tempted
25:30But
25:32You gotta trust God can't trust them science for everything. Yeah. Yeah as a fella you gonna look good
25:38But eventually some gonna ask you to do some and you are not gonna be able to do this with your scientifically
25:44What all the play basketball to hit you with?
25:48Whole body gonna break down
25:54You know, these my new legs I got these this weekend, you know, I took these to the gym or nothing
26:00Got two calves on each leg
26:02Over the pandemic. I was able to explore. I had never even tried before different flavors and varieties. Mmm, all delicious
26:09I learned I don't even have no preference. I just got two that I prefer over the rest, but any China is a good China
26:16My favorite type of all of is the creamer look at the creamers
26:21And
26:24Then like a creamer
26:28Creamy is the squirter. Nothing is better than a squirter now
26:32As man, we never understood the squirt. Anyway, we always wondered why she wouldn't let us know beforehand that she planned on
26:41fellas
26:42Scientifically, I found out women don't even know when they fit the squirt
26:47So now it makes sense that they always look surprised when we lose the fight
26:53We always
26:56Cannot believe this. Well, I didn't think I was this comfortable but clearly you're doing something, right?
27:03If you want to go through a pandemic get you a big woman
27:06It'll be the easiest pandemic you ever but you can trust a big woman. You don't even know you hungry and she already cooking
27:13Don't look at her first I think she got she do everything right if it's cold cracking our legs one time
27:20She'll heat up the whole room too hot. She won't even touch your skin skin. She don't want to stick fellas
27:26You get with a big girl
27:27You'll feel your body do some you ain't never felt your body do and your body ain't never been trained to do all you need
27:32To do is get a big enough girl and you'll feel your body nestle look at
27:38If you ever roll over on a woman bigger than you you did
27:43I
27:51Got me a short girl. I've never had a short girl before cuz I'm sure I was missing out
27:55I didn't know it was that much fun
27:56I was short girl in the car didn't was in every chair in the car and me and my never moved
28:04I like a giant girl
28:06No disrespect to the tall girls. I don't mean five nine five twelve know that I'm to my six four six five
28:12I'm about a child how big you won't get shot. I like a woman so big you got in two rooms
28:20I'm in the bedroom locked in for damage
28:30Every hundred
28:41I
28:48It's a group of women around the whole world
28:51Nobody ever talks about and they keep everything going and they don't never get no credit
28:55We're gonna talk about them and give me credit tonight. Where's all the fellas in here with an ugly woman make some noise
29:00Some people saw their whole marriage go before they got
29:08Everybody in here was somebody ugly. No matter they just staring at me like this
29:16You both want what you need when you was in the bathroom crying to the Lord you said sit down
29:21Stop judging people by the outside only the ugliest people be pretty sometimes you need a ugly woman ugly woman will save your life