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Katt Williams Telling the Truth Compilation
 
Get ready for this hilarious stand up compilation of Katt Williams' thru the years. From his sharp wit to his unfiltered truth bombs, this video captures the best of Katt Williams' comedy genius down the memory lane. Whether he's spitting facts or delivering side-splitting jokes, these clips are guaranteed to keep you entertained. Don't forget to like, comment, and share your favorite moment! 

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Transcript
00:00Hey y'all! If you need a good laugh today, you're in the right place.
00:04We're diving into some of your cat, William's funniest stand-up moments,
00:07from his latest sets all the way back to the classics.
00:10This man's comedy is timeless, and I promise you're gonna be crying laughing by the end.
00:14Let's get into it.
00:15I tried to be incognigro, but thanks to Shannon Sharpe's loudmouth ass,
00:19the gig is up. Everybody knows I'll tell.
00:22I don't do no snitching. Y'all know my job.
00:25In my spare time, I infiltrate the Illuminati, looking for they secrets.
00:29Fun fact!
00:30Hell, y'all.
00:31And they'll kill me if they could, but I'm too fast, and the Lord keep blessing me.
00:35Yup, that's the truth.
00:37So now understand, that sometimes, when you hear me talk,
00:41I'm telling real secrets that should not be out there.
00:44But that's just what the fuck I gotta do.
00:46Sometimes when I find out a secret, it ain't even for the rest of the world.
00:50It's just for me.
00:51For example, look at the people that love me.
00:53Don't do it, cat. It's a lie.
00:56And he love you so much, he put pussy skin inside your mouth.
01:01You don't believe me?
01:02Test it out for yourself.
01:05That damn sure is pussy skin, huh?
01:07It is whatever it feel like in there, that's you.
01:10Is it wet and delicious in there, that's you.
01:13But if it was dry and crusty in there,
01:16almost cut your tongue, that's what it is.
01:19I'm just telling you I know the secrets.
01:21I can tell them when I can fucking tell them.
01:23I needed my people to know, it was some shit going on,
01:26that people was not gay.
01:28If they say you are washed, nigga, you are out of there.
01:31It is not the same.
01:32Some words they just say and don't have no explanation.
01:35All the women in the world know what toxic masculinity is.
01:39They'll tell you about it, see that's toxic masculinity.
01:41You shut the fuck up, bitch.
01:43You don't know nothing about masculinity.
01:45First of all, there ain't a bunch of masculinities, bitch.
01:48It's just one, and it's toxic.
01:50The opposite of toxic masculinity is femininity, motherfucker.
01:54What the fuck?
01:55They'll just change words.
01:56They want me to be mad at woke.
01:58I'm not finna change woke.
02:00You not gonna act like that's a bad word.
02:02What the fuck you mean?
02:03It's so political.
02:04It is not fucking political, bitch.
02:06The fuck, the last time I checked,
02:08woke was the opposite of sleep, motherfucker.
02:12Look it up.
02:13I'm not finna change the words for me.
02:15Whole new world out there.
02:16There's some shit going on that they won't tell you about
02:18because they don't know how the fuck you'll respond.
02:20I'll fucking tell you.
02:22Here's the fucking truth.
02:23Some of y'all not gonna believe this shit.
02:25This is the greatest time to be alive
02:28in all of human history,
02:30and you are living in it.
02:32Look at the people with depression.
02:34That's right.
02:35If you got depression or anxiety,
02:37tell your depression to shut the fuck up, bitch.
02:40This is not the time for that.
02:42This is the greatest time to be alive,
02:44wherever you are right now.
02:46Not a hundred years ago.
02:47Not a thousand years ago.
02:49Right now.
02:50For the first time in history,
02:51you can change some shit.
02:53You can fix some shit.
02:54You ain't got to take nobody's word for nothing.
02:57Not even God's word.
02:58Yeah, God made you.
02:59He thought you was beautiful.
03:01But you think you ugly.
03:02Well, guess what?
03:03You win, bitch.
03:05You can take your whole nose off
03:06and put another nose on that.
03:08You still gonna be ugly.
03:09It's a new day and age.
03:10You can fix some shit.
03:12Are you a short, fat man?
03:13You don't have to be.
03:14You got enough money,
03:15you can be a tall, ugly bitch
03:16in three and a half weeks.
03:18If you go to the right islands,
03:19they get the right procedures.
03:21It's a new day and age.
03:22You can do anything.
03:23You can do something,
03:24even if it's a bad idea,
03:26like playing blind football.
03:29We already know we're gonna win.
03:30It's that kind of confidence
03:32that continues to amaze people
03:33who watch Dylan play,
03:34because he's doing all of this blind.
03:36You know, I can't see,
03:38and a lot of people think
03:39that a blind person can't play football.
03:41But this courageous youngster
03:43has proven those people wrong.
03:45I just wanted y'all to see that with me.
03:48I'm so conflicted.
03:49I'm conflicted.
03:50First of all,
03:51let me make this very clear.
03:53I hope none of my blind fans see this
03:55and take it out of context.
03:57Not what it looks like.
03:59I'm conflicted,
04:00because number one,
04:02I am for blind people's rights.
04:04Blind people should be able to do whatever
04:06the fuck they want to do.
04:07I'm conflicted.
04:08I mean, can you play blind football?
04:12Goddamn right you can.
04:14But should you play blind?
04:16Hell, fuck no!
04:18I don't like it.
04:19I don't like it for him.
04:20He can't win.
04:22Do you understand that he don't even know
04:24if he on the field or not?
04:26Do you understand that,
04:27that sometimes in his regular life,
04:29people just knock the shit out of him
04:31or nobody say sorry or nothing?
04:33I'm saying maybe
04:35if they let him play one game.
04:37They had him out there playing
04:38the whole goddamn season.
04:39It was terrible.
04:41They was playing black schools.
04:43It was awful.
04:44He out there on defense
04:45trying to listen for niggas.
04:47These niggas ain't shit.
04:48They played the whole game.
04:49They didn't make no noise at all.
04:51Using hand signals and shit.
04:55It's fucked up.
04:56They ain't run no plays for him.
04:58They just hand him the ball,
04:59send him in the parking lot.
05:01All I'm saying,
05:02I don't mean to shame you.
05:03But understand,
05:04you don't have to take no for an answer.
05:06You can tuck your penis
05:08and go in the game
05:09with some real women
05:10and whoop the shit out of them
05:12if you want to.
05:13It's in the real news.
05:15Take that down
05:16before they try to cancel me
05:17for telling the truth.
05:18Crazy world.
05:19You don't know what to believe.
05:20The truth is just as strange as fiction.
05:22Taco Bell selling chicken winglets.
05:24This is the revelation, bitch.
05:26Grab me a wine,
05:27I'm gonna let you see.
05:28Some of you niggas
05:29is tearing up their pigeon winglets.
05:31Fucking up their black tenders.
05:32You don't know what the fuck to believe.
05:34Just how it is.
05:35You may not know
05:36what the fuck to believe.
05:37The truth can be stranger than fiction.
05:38They won't tell you shit.
05:39They won't tell you
05:40that Wendy Williams
05:41is Sasquatch.
05:42I mean, she's mad for it.
05:43God sent Simon.
05:44It's a big fuck.
05:45New for come out,
05:46Lady Elsie.
05:47Just say that,
05:48tell us anything.
05:49That's why it's called
05:50World War III.
05:51Because there's a whole
05:52motherfucking war
05:53going on right now.
05:54Ain't telling us shit.
05:55We don't even know
05:56whose side is what.
05:57Whole war going on.
05:58Fortunately for us,
05:59it's simple.
06:00It ain't even complicated.
06:01White people don't get nervous.
06:02It ain't about race this time.
06:03It's about money this time.
06:04No, no, no.
06:05This time,
06:06it's the lie
06:07versus the truth.
06:08Just that simple.
06:09The lie
06:10versus the truth.
06:11That's it.
06:12Just the lie
06:13versus the truth.
06:14The lie.
06:15I'm not here to say
06:16what side is the best side.
06:17I'm just saying them sides.
06:18Watch this.
06:19Where's all the lovers of truth
06:20back there in the building?
06:21Make some noise
06:22if you're looking
06:23at the lovers of truth.
06:24Keep that same energy.
06:25Don't switch up on it.
06:26I do what the fuck
06:27they wanna do.
06:28Just understand,
06:29there's two sides.
06:30You always gotta have
06:31a proper respect
06:32for your opps.
06:33One of these sides
06:34don't respect the opps.
06:35The lovers of truth,
06:36they don't give a fuck
06:37about the lie.
06:38And they will tell you
06:39that this is the truth.
06:41Right here,
06:42I don't give a fuck.
06:43You talking people
06:44of all races
06:45and religions,
06:46genders and creeds,
06:47all of the religions
06:48out there saying it.
06:49They told all of us
06:50it's a chicken wing shortage.
06:53They're like,
06:54how much we all love chicken?
06:55We didn't riot in the streets.
06:57We didn't burn
06:58burger places down.
06:59We just believed them.
07:00Liars always need a clue.
07:02They think they smarter
07:03than them is.
07:04They said to all of us
07:05there is a
07:06chicken wing shortage.
07:08Did you notice
07:09they did not say
07:10it was a shortage
07:11of chickens.
07:13Said it was a chicken flood.
07:14Cause if a liar
07:15can get you to believe
07:16some shit,
07:17they don't stop there.
07:19Look,
07:20I'm not a farmer
07:21or a scientist,
07:22but I will tell you this.
07:24All chicken wings
07:25come from a chicken.
07:27They get two wings
07:28two times.
07:30Where the fuck
07:31you getting these
07:32spider leg chickens from?
07:33What group of people
07:34fuck with chicken?
07:35Look at the vegans.
07:36It's just us.
07:37God made the chicken.
07:38That bitch ain't safe
07:39nowhere.
07:40Every time a chicken's
07:41foot hit the ground,
07:42somebody want to
07:43put that bitch in Greece.
07:44In China,
07:45in France,
07:46in Europe,
07:47in Mississippi.
07:48How you know God made it?
07:49Cause that bird
07:50is the most delicious bird
07:51in the whole world.
07:52And that motherfucker
07:53came flat.
07:54Cause God loves you.
07:55If chickens
07:56could fly half the
07:57motherfuckers in here
07:58be dead right now.
07:59If you had to.
08:00If you had to
08:01catch your own two-piece,
08:02you'll die.
08:03You'll die
08:04in the backyard.
08:05That was a spicy combo too.
08:06I can't keep missing
08:07these opportune minutes.
08:08Anyway,
08:09I'm just saying,
08:10figure out what
08:11you can trust.
08:12Cause it used to be
08:13it was people out there
08:14that we trusted.
08:15They job made us
08:16trust them.
08:17That they would do
08:18the right thing by us.
08:19That shit is gone gone.
08:20Been gone.
08:21Fuck you man.
08:22They want you to do shit
08:23that don't make no sense.
08:24That's why I won't
08:25even talk about
08:26politics no more.
08:27Ain't shit to talk about.
08:28Fuck I'm supposed to do
08:29if both sides
08:30is a dumb sack.
08:31I don't even
08:32look at this shit.
08:34Riot white people.
08:35White people just out there
08:36shaking they signs
08:37hard and shit.
08:38We didn't say anything
08:39about niggas yet.
08:40We got one more day to hit.
08:41One more day.
08:43What I'm saying fellas,
08:44if you got a woman
08:45that's special in your life,
08:46the game's on hold
08:47for a second.
08:48And fuck this bitch
08:49like you need her
08:50in your goddamn life.
08:51Smoke her like you need her
08:52in your goddamn life.
08:53In case the world
08:54come to an end
08:55on 2012.
08:56Now ladies,
08:57we need y'all.
08:58Come on back home.
08:59I understand
09:00some of you ladies done
09:01got inside yourself.
09:02We didn't say shit.
09:03We saw it happening.
09:04We didn't say shit.
09:05We saw y'all going off
09:06to the little
09:07freaky nasty
09:08little dirty
09:09little sneaky freaky
09:10little nasty story.
09:11We saw you purchasing
09:12yourself items
09:13for 24,
09:1429,
09:1539,
09:1695.
09:17And we know
09:18you got yourself
09:19a rabbit and a bullet
09:20and a bullet with a rabbit.
09:21And there ain't
09:22nothing wrong with it ladies
09:23but time to bring
09:24your ass back home
09:25for 2012.
09:26Some of y'all done
09:27fucked your whole
09:28clitoris up
09:29fucking round.
09:30Fucked both of your
09:31entire vagina up
09:32being greedy.
09:33Just because you have
09:34something that can
09:35hit your spot
09:36every time bitch
09:37does not mean
09:38you got to hit that
09:39motherfucker
09:40136 times
09:41on target.
09:42Just zoom,
09:43zoom,
09:44zoom,
09:45zoom.
09:46Fucked your whole
09:47goddamn clitoris up.
09:48Now fellas,
09:49we remember your
09:50clitoris the way
09:51it used to be.
09:52We remember when
09:53that motherfucker
09:54was so shagged
09:55it would mean
09:56come out the hood.
09:57You had to get down
09:58there and talk sweet
09:59shit.
10:00This is all
10:01outside of your
10:02clitoris,
10:03just outside of
10:04the capital
10:05code,
10:06pushing the
10:07labia back.
10:08Bitch,
10:09your clitoris is
10:10scaring my
10:11penis.
10:12My only point
10:13is it's time to
10:14get your shit
10:15together.
10:16It don't matter
10:17what you got
10:18if your life
10:19is fucked up.
10:20That's what
10:21the fuck you
10:22got.
10:232012 coming
10:24and they're not
10:25going to tell us
10:26the shit
10:27we need to know.
10:282012 is coming.
10:29They say it's
10:30going to be the
10:31end of the world
10:32and white people
10:33we know how
10:34y'all do.
10:35When y'all get
10:36some goddamn
10:37information,
10:38don't nobody know.
10:39White people
10:40don't never leave.
10:41They just
10:42disappear.
10:43Niggas,
10:44we got to be
10:45careful in 2012.
10:46They're trying
10:47to fuck us over.
10:48As black
10:49people,
10:50we never
10:51leave on time.
10:52Broke people,
10:53we never
10:54leave.
10:55As broke folks,
10:56we always got
10:57to be careful.
10:58Niggas ain't
10:59got nowhere
11:00to goddamn
11:01go.
11:02White people,
11:03it's a terrorist trap.
11:04Everybody from
11:05Ireland can't
11:06go right back
11:07to Ireland.
11:08Everybody from
11:09England can't
11:10go right back.
11:11Drake and
11:12100 Canadians
11:13all the way.
11:14What about
11:15niggas?
11:16We got to go
11:17to our
11:18grandmama's
11:19house.
11:20Figure out
11:21how many
11:22minivans
11:23we even
11:24got in the
11:25bathroom.
11:26Niggas look
11:27outside the
11:28world and
11:29say there's
11:30nothing.
11:31Every time I
11:32see my
11:33president,
11:34it look to
11:35me like they
11:36done told
11:37that nigga
11:38some shit.
11:39He can't
11:40fucking tell
11:41us.
11:42Every time you
11:43see Obama
11:44he look like
11:45this.
11:46We already
11:47killed all
11:48the terrorists.
11:49Ain't no
11:50fucking more.
11:51They beat
11:52the shit
11:53out of
11:54Muammar
11:55in 2012.
11:562012
11:57is for real.
11:58They said
11:59the Mayans
12:00was talking
12:01about 2012.
12:02Then they
12:03said the
12:04Mayans
12:05disappeared.
12:06I'm here
12:07to tell my
12:08people it's
12:09time to
12:10stop believing
12:11bullshit.
12:12Just cause
12:13a motherfucker
12:14tell you
12:15bullshit with
12:16a straight look
12:17on their face.
12:18We too
12:19old.
12:20We too
12:21smart.
12:22We too
12:23motherfucking
12:24in
12:25evolution
12:26with your
12:27stupid
12:28motherfucking
12:29ass.
12:30Evolution
12:31say people
12:32came from
12:33monkeys and
12:34the question
12:35is why
12:36is there
12:37still
12:38monkeys,
12:39you dumb
12:40motherfucker
12:41you.
12:42Is
12:43these the
12:44retarded
12:45monkeys?
12:46They
12:47did turn
12:48into
12:49people
12:50just
12:51yet.
12:52It's
12:53It's a special kind of retarded to be too stupid to make up a God if there wasn't one.
12:58Po' Thang, who do you even pray to?
13:00Nobody.
13:01Even when you're fucking, why do you fuck?
13:02You can't even cum.
13:03What do you say when you cum, Atheist?
13:05Um, um, um.
13:06Nothing.
13:07That's right, because that's what you believe in.
13:09You can't even...
13:14Life is fucking short.
13:15Stop being ungrateful about your motherfucking life.
13:16You gotta learn to be grateful.
13:17If God done blessed you with a Chrysler 300, be happy you got a Chrysler 300.
13:22Stop walking around talking shit.
13:24Talking about, nigga, I got it because it look just like a Phantom.
13:26No, nigga.
13:27It look like a Chrysler 300.
13:30But, but the part is it do look like a Phantom.
13:32Until a Phantom pull up.
13:34You just need that motherfucking...
13:36This is bullshit.
13:37I don't even want to be on this trip, nigga.
13:38I don't need more.
13:39All I'm saying is you gotta be grateful about your motherfucking life.
13:42Ladies, you need to understand that as long as you got a vagina, you run the entire motherfucking universe.
13:46That's the way it is.
13:47You need to understand that.
13:49The only niggas that don't agree is homosexuals and we wasn't talking to y'all.
13:52This ain't your part of the show right now.
13:53I'm just saying, ladies.
13:54Stop tripping on shit that don't even motherfucking matter.
13:56Never in the history of niggadom has a nigga...
13:59Never in the history of niggadom has a nigga been getting ready to have sex with a woman
14:03and change his mind because her fingernails and toenails didn't match.
14:06Not never.
14:07Not never.
14:08Never has a nigga been putting a condom on and went,
14:10Bitch, is that plum and red?
14:11I can't even do it.
14:12Get the hell out of here.
14:13I can't even do it.
14:14I'm saying, ladies.
14:15Stop worrying about shit that don't matter.
14:16Some of y'all done had some babies.
14:17Now you got some stretch marks.
14:19You walking around the house bitter.
14:20Blaming the baby.
14:22Showing the baby your high school picture.
14:24Talking about, look what you did to me.
14:26Fuck that.
14:27If your man got a problem with your stretch marks,
14:28I suggest you stop fucking with bitch niggas.
14:30That's what I say.
14:31That's what I say.
14:32I think I speak for all real niggas in attendance today
14:35when I say we ain't got time to worry about no shit like stretch marks.
14:38We know they either came from one of two things.
14:40Nigga, either you was big and got small,
14:42or you was small and got big.
14:44Either way, we fucking either way.
14:47Shit.
14:48It is on the other hand,
14:49you throw personal business.
14:50I'm just saying life is short.
14:51To my niggas, I know you gotta be hard.
14:53Black man in America, you gotta be a hard motherfucker.
14:55But we all know niggas, it's hard all the motherfucking time.
14:57You can't forget to enjoy your goddamn life.
14:59We all know niggas, it's hard at 7 o'clock in the motherfucking morning.
15:02You're like, nigga, wait a minute.
15:03Nigga, you angry at breakfast, nigga?
15:05You gangbanging on bacon, nigga?
15:07Enjoy your goddamn life.
15:09Life is fucking short.
15:10Enjoy that shit.
15:11Some of y'all just need to smoke some weed
15:13to see if it don't help the quality of your motherfucking life.
15:15I know.
15:16I see some of y'all.
15:17Look, I understand.
15:18If you ain't smoking weed because you got a good job,
15:20then by all means, make your paper, boo-boo.
15:22But if you ain't got no job, and you're not smoking weed,
15:24I don't know what the fuck you are doing with your life.
15:26I really don't.
15:27I really don't.
15:28Don't give me that shit about it's a drug.
15:30It ain't no motherfucking drug.
15:31I done done the research.
15:32It's just a plant.
15:33It just grow like that.
15:34And if you should happen to set it on fire,
15:36there are some effects.
15:37But that's not the same as drugs.
15:39Drugs, you got to do shit to it chemically.
15:41You gotta add bacon, soda, water, stir it up.
15:43I don't know the recipe.
15:44I'm just saying.
15:45It's some shit you gotta do to it.
15:47Aspirin is perfectly legal.
15:48But if you take 13 of them motherfuckers,
15:50it'll be your last headache.
15:51As long as you've been living,
15:52you ain't never heard of a motherfucker
15:53overdose on marijuana.
15:54You might have thought that nigga was dead.
15:55He ain't dead.
15:56He gonna wake up in 30 minutes,
15:57hungry to eat up everything in your house.
15:59That's the side effects.
16:00Hungry, happy, sleepy.
16:01That's it.
16:02Don't testify.
16:03I'm just saying.
16:04I'm just saying.
16:05If your life is fucked up, you need weed.
16:07Weed is put on this earth for niggas on the struggle,
16:09niggas on the grind.
16:10There is a chemical in weed that's called fucking.
16:12And if you can just get that in your system,
16:14nigga, change your life.
16:15Some of y'all be crying about bills you can't pay.
16:17Just, I don't know what I'ma do about this life bill.
16:19They don't want the whole thing.
16:21They don't want a piece of it, a deposit.
16:23Just hit the blunt one time
16:24and see if it don't change your perception
16:26of what's important in your life.
16:27You just, I don't know what I'ma do about this life.
16:30Fuck them goddamn lights.
16:32I got 12 candles.
16:33I've been waiting to burn them, bitch.
16:34Always had some fucked up niggas.
16:36Cryptocronicus like nigga.
16:38Always had some fucked up ass nameless nigga.
16:40This shit here, nigga.
16:41This shit here, nigga.
16:42This shit's called death, nigga.
16:43Nigga, that don't even sound attractive.
16:45What the?
16:46You mean I'ma hit it and die, nigga?
16:48Is that what?
16:49I'll wait.
16:50Cause you ain't never seen that motherfucker.
16:51We ain't killing they army, nigga.
16:52We killing them.
16:53We over there killing niggas in sweatpants, tank tops,
16:55flip flops, and a cowboy hat.
16:57You should've been talking shit.
16:59Our government pimps, they get on the news,
17:00they act like we ain't even over there killing real people.
17:02They don't never get on the news and say,
17:03today we killed four men, three women, and two children.
17:06They use a word niggas can't readily identify.
17:08Today we killed a group of insurgents.
17:10Niggas be at the house like,
17:12I don't even know no motherfucking insurgents.
17:14You can kill all them motherfuckers.
17:15I don't have not one insurgent friend.
17:17Need to help you know this shit like that,
17:18but you gotta be careful with this super strong weed
17:20cause you can't do everything you regularly do.
17:22It's easy to get high.
17:23It is not easy to get unhigh when your baby walk in the room.
17:26Now you in the house cleaning up shit
17:27that don't need to be cleaned.
17:29Your baby be like,
17:30I don't even walk out there no more.
17:31Every time, it smell like pine cones in here.
17:33Daddy be tripping.
17:34You gotta be careful.
17:35If you got kids,
17:36you gonna have to cut down on your weed consumption.
17:38I don't give a fuck what you say.
17:39It's cool to get high.
17:40It is not cool to get high
17:41and eat up all your baby's cereal.
17:43That shit is not cool.
17:44You wake up,
17:45your baby already in the kitchen crying.
17:46Say,
17:47God, you woke up, daddy.
17:48You remember you put your Cocoa Puffs on top of the fridge
17:50and ate them.
17:51And now they're not even up there.
17:52Now you so embarrassed,
17:53you gotta play it off with that nigga.
17:55Nigga, that damn show ain't up here.
17:57Them motherfucking insurgents done come in my house.
17:59Go out and get you some white friends.
18:01Get you some white motherfucking friends.
18:03You ain't gotta sleep with them,
18:04but you gonna need them motherfuckers.
18:05If you go to jail and call your nigga friends,
18:07these motherfuckers will interrogate you more
18:09than the goddamn police did.
18:11They'll have your ass on the phone.
18:12Where the fuck was you at?
18:13What the fuck was you doing?
18:14Why the fuck you ain't call me?
18:16Not your white friends.
18:17Them motherfuckers will be there
18:18by the time you hang up the phone
18:19and they'll be madder than you.
18:20Just what the fuck did he do?
18:21Murder. Murdered who?
18:22Look, I fucking known him for two weeks.
18:24He wouldn't fucking do something like that.
18:25Gotta love white people.
18:26I don't give a fuck what you say.
18:27White people are friendly.
18:28You can call them motherfuckers up
18:29at three o'clock in the morning
18:30with their own number
18:31and they won't even be mad at you.
18:33They'd be,
18:34Hello?
18:35No, I'm sorry.
18:36No Shaquita here.
18:38No, it's a nine, not a seven.
18:39We'll try it.
18:40If it doesn't work, call me back.
18:41We'll figure this thing out.