@BillBurrOfficial takes the stage during the Cheech and Chong Puff Puff Laugh @justforlaughs comedy special to rank the hardest jobs in the world 😂 Watch the entire special here 👉 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnMmVar8Qyw
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Just For Laughs is the world’s premiere destination for stand up comedy. JFL produces the world’s largest and most prestigious comedy event every July in Montreal, as well as annual festivals in Quebec City, Vancouver and Sydney.
#JustForLaughs #BillBurr
Watch more #standup #comedy on youtube from Just for Laughs https://youtube.com/@justforlaughs/videos
ABOUT JUST FOR LAUGHS :
Just For Laughs is the world’s premiere destination for stand up comedy. JFL produces the world’s largest and most prestigious comedy event every July in Montreal, as well as annual festivals in Quebec City, Vancouver and Sydney.
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NewsTranscript
00:00What's up everybody? How are you? Fantastic.
00:05The other day I got into an argument with my girlfriend, right?
00:07She likes watching the Oprah Winfrey show.
00:09And then I wait for Oprah to say something that I don't agree with,
00:11and then I take it out on my girlfriend, because I'm an asshole.
00:15So, Oprah brings out this guest, she gives her this huge intro.
00:19She's been on this, she's been on that,
00:22and she does the most difficult job on the planet.
00:24She's the mother.
00:26So immediately I look at my girlfriend, I'm like, really?
00:29Being a mom is the most difficult job on the planet?
00:34How many mothers died on ice road truckers last season?
00:39Any moms get washed overboard on Deadliest Catch?
00:44I'm not trying to be disrespectful, but what would you rather have as a job?
00:48You want to scoop scallops off the bottom of the ocean,
00:51catching that lobster trapped to the back of your head?
00:54Or do you want to hang in the sunshine with a couple of rugrats?
00:58You'd send them to bed anytime you wanted, some trumped-up charges?
01:02Because you want to have a drink and watch The Price is Right?
01:07I don't know, maybe I'm wrong.
01:09Maybe it is the most difficult job.
01:12I mean, I thought roofing in the middle of July is a redhead, you know?
01:16I thought that that was a difficult job.
01:18I really did. I thought it was difficult.
01:21But evidently, evidently these mothers,
01:24they're bending over at the waist, putting DVDs into DVD players,
01:29going to war pinned down by a sniper.
01:32What a joke!
01:35You ever burp a baby and forget to put that towel up there?
01:38There's another shirt you got to wash.
01:40I'll lift with your knees and put it in that machine that does it for you.
01:47Dude, any job you can do in your pajamas is not difficult.
01:51It isn't. I'm sure it's.
01:54You're out of hell with these mothers.
01:58Watching cartoons, taking naps.
02:02Look, I'm messing around, but you know, come on.
02:05I know it's a difficult job, but the most difficult job on the whole planet.
02:09Remember when Saddam let the oil fields on fire
02:11and those poor bastards had to go put them out?
02:144,000 degrees, walking in with your little asbestos shield,
02:18just walking into flames.
02:23You want to do that or watch Bob the Builder again?
02:26I mean, be honest with yourself.
02:33I got a dog recently. I did.
02:35I went down to the pound. I got one of those free dogs.
02:38Yeah, that's how I say it. I don't say I rescued a dog.
02:41I hate when people say that.
02:43It's like totally obnoxious. It's a complete exaggeration.
02:46She's a rescue. Yeah, I rescued her.
02:49Really? Did you pull her out of a burning building?
02:53Did you jump in a river with your clothes still on,
02:55with no concern for your own safety?
02:58Or did you just go down to the pound and get a free dog?
03:00Isn't that what you did?
03:02Stop acting like you had to take out a couple of guards,
03:05crawling on your elbows, using hand signals.
03:09Dude, you ever go down to the pound and they're just giving them away?
03:13They don't even do a background check.
03:15You want them? Hey, get out of here.
03:17Who's next? You want a poodle? Come on.
03:20You got a perm. It'll be hilarious.
03:24Actually, my girlfriend got the dog when I was on the road.
03:28I was on the road. She got the dog.
03:30Classic girlfriend move, right?
03:32That's just a 10 to 15 year commitment.
03:34Why would you include me in that decision?
03:37What would I need to know?
03:39So we're Skyping. I thought she got one of those little shit dogs, you know?
03:42Like a Yorkshire Terrier or something you could punt across the room
03:45if it got out of line, right?
03:48Something you could take your day out on.
03:50You know what I'm saying?
03:52And...
03:55So we're Skyping. I go, let me see it.
03:57So she pans around, and I think I'm going to see, you know,
04:00some little chihuahua, whatever the hell those dogs are.
04:03I'm immediately staring at this hellhound.
04:05This just massive dog.
04:07And I start freaking out. I'm like, is that a pit bull?
04:10Please tell me you didn't get a pit bull.
04:12She's like, it's not a pit bull. It's a mix.
04:15Mix with what? Another pit bull?
04:17Look at that thing.
04:19Looks like it's been doing pull-ups its entire life.
04:22Its front paws were still taped up.
04:24It's shadow boxing.
04:26It's got a teardrop tattoo. It's a pit bull.
04:29What more do you need to see?
04:32Oh, it gets worse.
04:34Her and her friend actually didn't get it down at the pound.
04:36They found it by the Los Angeles River.
04:39Yeah, this thing was the real deal.
04:42She's sitting there going, it was out there for ten days.
04:45Don't you think that's sad?
04:47No, it's scary.
04:49Because judging by its physique, it got plenty of protein
04:52over the last week and a half.
04:54It wasn't eating nuts and berries, all right?
04:56It was choking out joggers.
04:58It was twisting heads off of rabbits.
05:00You brought a murderer into the house.
05:02Why don't you just rescue an alligator while you're at it?
05:05Stick it under the bed. Add to the excitement.
05:10You know what's great, though? I fell in love with the dog.
05:13Absolutely love this dog, and I'm totally sold on the breed.
05:16And I know a lot of people don't like pit bulls
05:18because they ate a couple of kids.
05:20I understand that.
05:22I'm telling you, you owe it to yourself
05:24at some point in your life to walk down the street with a pit bull.
05:27You got to do it. It's tremendous.
05:29People just get out of the way.
05:31Three, four blocks away, they see me coming.
05:34They immediately start crossing the street.
05:36I love it. I feel like a king.
05:38I don't know why black people complain about that.
05:41I love having the whole side of the street to myself.
05:44It's awesome.
05:46Yeah.
05:48Black people have no idea how difficult it is as a white man
05:52to have to walk down the street every half a block,
05:55have frivolous conversations about the weather.
05:58Oh, man, I think it is going to rain.
06:00Why? Why do we have to have this conversation?
06:03No, it's tremendous. I like the respect.
06:05Look at me.
06:07My whole life, I've looked like Ron Howard.
06:09Do you realize that?
06:11My whole life, I've been mugged repeatedly.
06:13I've never had any street cred whatsoever.
06:15The second they see this four-legged P90X body
06:17coming down the street, that's it.
06:20It's the best dog on the planet.
06:22You got to get a pit bull. I'm telling you, man.
06:24It's like a gun you can pet.
06:26Get two of them. Come down.
06:28You're just strapped.
06:30All of a sudden, there's no line at the ATM.
06:32The whole world opens up for you.
06:36All right, let's wrap this up here.
06:39I had lunch the other day.
06:41I'm a big-time conspiracy theorist.
06:43I drive my girlfriend nuts.
06:45I think they're about ready to microchip all of us.
06:47Yeah, they got this commercial down in the States.
06:49You got that commercial up here for Duracell batteries?
06:52They're selling batteries, and the commercial is
06:54some woman can't find her kid in the park.
06:57That's how they're selling batteries.
06:59What the hell kind of way is that to sell batteries?
07:02Do you remember the old commercials?
07:04They just show some guy in a rainstorm, has a flat,
07:06pulls out a flashlight.
07:08Oh, thank God, yeah, Duracell.
07:10You can see how wet I'm getting.
07:12That was it.
07:14Now they're showing this woman she can't find her kid in the park.
07:16She's sitting there going, Kevin?
07:18Kevin?
07:20Has anybody seen Kevin?
07:22Sitting there freaking out.
07:24Then she pulls out this little device.
07:26And there comes Kevin running out of the woods.
07:28And they're like, Duracell batteries.
07:30It's like, dude, the hell with the batteries.
07:32What was that thing she just took out of her pocket?
07:35How did Kevin know to come out of the woods?
07:38He didn't have an antenna.
07:40His sneakers weren't glowing.
07:42What the hell is in Kevin that's connected to that device?
07:45Don't just show me that like that's normal.
07:47Oh, yeah, robot kids.
07:49Let's go see Mommy.
07:51You guys were awesome. Thank you so much.