The inventors of stoner comedy, legends Cheech & Chong are still jokin’ (and possibly smokin’). Catch them as they perform some of their funniest bits, recall some hilarious behind-the-scenes stories from their days of filming ‘Up In Smoke’ and host a full bag of the world’s funniest comedians. Included in the special are Last Comic Standing finalist Lavell Crawford, creator and star of the Brit cult comedy The Mighty Boosh Noel Fielding, the ever-opinionated @BillBurrOfficial , and Canada’s own rising star Jay Malone.
Watch more standup comedy on youtube from Just for Laughs https://youtube.com/@justforlaughs/videos
ABOUT JUST FOR LAUGHS :
Just For Laughs is the world’s premiere destination for stand up comedy. JFL produces the world’s largest and most prestigious comedy event every July in Montreal, as well as annual festivals in Quebec City, Vancouver and Sydney.
Watch more standup comedy on youtube from Just for Laughs https://youtube.com/@justforlaughs/videos
ABOUT JUST FOR LAUGHS :
Just For Laughs is the world’s premiere destination for stand up comedy. JFL produces the world’s largest and most prestigious comedy event every July in Montreal, as well as annual festivals in Quebec City, Vancouver and Sydney.
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NewsTranscript
00:00Thank you. Thank you. We're going to give you a little musical treat here.
00:15I took a walk to the corner store just to buy a loaf of bread and a box of s'mores.
00:29Up was a guy in a yellow van, a shiny gold badge flashing in his hand. He said,
00:36All right, all you mahatas, hit the floor. I've got one question to ask and nothing more.
00:44Answer in English, that is, if you can.
00:49Where were you born, man?
00:52Huh? Where was I born?
00:56What are you, the governor of Arizona, man?
00:59Hey, look, Taco Breath, read my lips.
01:03Where were you born?
01:06I was born in East L.A., man. I was born in East L.A., what'd I say?
01:14You were born in East L.A., were you?
01:16I'm from East L.A.
01:18Well, then I guess you can tell me who the new president of the United States is. What is his name?
01:23What? The president?
01:25Of the United States.
01:26Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, the president of the new guy.
01:29The black guy, the first black guy.
01:32It used to be Urkel on TV, that guy.
01:37Yeah, he's got a weird name. It's like a rock and a rock, a rock, a rock your mama.
01:42A rock your mama.
01:44You're under arrest, boy. Come on, people. You're coming downtown. Let's go.
01:48Let's go.
01:49Listen, I know I'm in a foreign land. People talking so fast, I couldn't understand.
02:11There was nobody there to lend a helping hand. I was cold, it was like winter furthest down.
02:16I want to go back to East L.A. I wish I was back in East L.A.
02:21I don't belong here in downtown D.J.
02:23Cause I was born in East L.A.
02:26I swam across the stream, I rode a six-gear truck packed like a sardine.
02:30I walked all day in the burning sun, never know what it's like to be born to run.
02:35Up ahead was the promised land, I shined like a star just on my hand.
02:40All I could see was a golden glow.
02:42I looked up a sign, it said, five, six, so that I was back in East L.A.
02:47Back in East L.A.
02:49You know, I was never gonna stray, cause I was born in East L.A.
03:03I'm excited to be here.
03:05It's a big honor. I flunked everything in high school, so you can do it too.
03:10Thank you. What's up everybody?
03:12How are ya? Fantastic.
03:15The other day I got into an argument with my girlfriend, right?
03:17She likes watching the Oprah Winfrey show, and I love to watch her watch the Oprah show.
03:22And then I wait for Oprah to say something that I don't agree with,
03:25and then I take it out on my girlfriend, cause I'm an asshole.
03:29So, Oprah brings out this guest, she gives her this huge intro.
03:33She's been on this, she's been on that,
03:35and she does the most difficult job on the planet.
03:38She's the mother.
03:39So immediately I look at my girlfriend, I'm like, really?
03:42Being a mom is the most difficult job on the planet?
03:47How many mothers died on ice road truckers last season?
03:52Any moms get washed overboard on Deadliest Catch?
03:57I'm not trying to be disrespectful, but what would you rather have as a job?
04:01You wanna scoop scallops off the bottom of the ocean?
04:04Catching that lobster trapped to the back of your head?
04:07Or do you wanna hang in the sunshine with a couple of rugrats?
04:11You'd send them to bed anytime you wanted, some trumped up charges.
04:15Cause you wanna have a drink and watch the prices, right?
04:21I don't know, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it is the most difficult job.
04:25I mean, I thought roofing in the middle of July is a red hit, you know?
04:29I thought that that was a difficult job.
04:32I really did. I thought it was difficult.
04:35But evidently, evidently these mothers, they're bending over at the waist,
04:39putting DVDs into DVD players.
04:43Going to war pinned down by a sniper.
04:46What a joke!
04:48You ever burp a baby and forget to put that towel up there?
04:51There's another shirt you gotta wash.
04:53Oh, lift with your knees!
04:56And put it in that machine that does it for you.
05:00Dude, any job you can do in your pajamas is not difficult.
05:04It isn't.
05:06I'm sure it's...
05:08Yeah, to hell with these mothers!
05:11Watching cartoons, taking naps.
05:15Look, I'm messing around, but you know, come on.
05:18I know it's a difficult job, but the most difficult job on the whole planet...
05:22Remember when Saddam let the oil fields on fire,
05:24and those poor bastards had to go put them out?
05:274,000 degrees, walking in with your little asbestos shield,
05:31just walking into flames.
05:36You wanna do that or watch Bob the Builder again?
05:39I mean, be honest with yourself.
05:46I got a dog recently.
05:48I did. I went down to the pound, I got one of those free dogs.
05:52Yeah, that's how I say it. I don't say I rescued a dog.
05:54I hate when people say that.
05:56It's, like, totally obnoxious. It's a complete exaggeration.
05:59She's a rescue. Yeah, I rescued her.
06:02Really? Did you pull her out of a burning building?
06:06Did you jump in a river with your clothes still on,
06:08with no concern for your own safety?
06:11Or did you just go down to the pound and get a free dog?
06:13Isn't that what you did?
06:15Stop acting like you had to take out a couple of guards,
06:18crawling on your elbows, using hand signals.
06:22Dude, you ever go down to the pound?
06:24They're just giving them away.
06:26They don't even do a background check.
06:28You want an egg? Get out of here.
06:30Who's next? You want a poodle?
06:32Come on, you got a perm. It'll be hilarious.
06:37Actually, my girlfriend got the dog when I was on the road.
06:41I was on the road, she got the dog.
06:43Classic girlfriend move, right?
06:45That's just a 10 to 15 year commitment.
06:47Why would you include me in that decision?
06:50What would I need to know?
06:52So we're Skyping, I thought she got one of those little shit dogs, you know?
06:55Like a Yorkshire Terrier or something you could punt across the room
06:58if it got out of line, right?
07:02Something you could take your day out on, you know what I'm saying?
07:09So we're Skyping, I go, let me see it.
07:11So she pans around, and I think I'm going to see, you know,
07:13some little chihuahua, whatever the hell those dogs are.
07:16I'm immediately staring at this hellhound.
07:18It's just a massive dog, and I start freaking out.
07:21I'm like, is that a pit bull?
07:23Please tell me you didn't get a pit bull.
07:25She's like, it's not a pit bull, it's a mix.
07:28Mixed with what, another pit bull?
07:30Look at that thing.
07:32It's like it's been doing pull-ups its entire life.
07:35Its front paws were still taped up, it's shadowboxing.
07:39It's got a teardrop tattoo, it's a pit bull.
07:42What more do you need to see?
07:45Oh, it gets worse.
07:47Her and a friend actually didn't get it down at the pound.
07:50They found it by the Los Angeles River.
07:53Yeah, this thing was the real deal.
07:56She's sitting there going, it was out there for 10 days.
07:58Don't you think that's sad?
08:00No, it's scary.
08:02Because judging by its physique, it got plenty of protein
08:05over the last week and a half.
08:08It wasn't eating nuts and berries, all right?
08:10It was choking out joggers, it was twisting heads off of rabbits.
08:13It almost brought a murderer into the house.
08:16Just rescue an alligator while you're at it.
08:19Stick it under the bed, add to the excitement.
08:22You know what's great, though?
08:25I fell in love with the dog.
08:27Absolutely love this dog, and I'm totally sold on the breed.
08:30And I know a lot of people don't like pit bulls
08:32because they ate a couple of kids.
08:34I understand that.
08:36I'm telling you, owe it to yourself at some point in your life
08:39to walk down the street with a pit bull.
08:41I know it. It's tremendous.
08:43People just get out of the way.
08:45Three, four blocks away, they see me coming.
08:47They immediately start crossing the street.
08:49I love it. I feel like a king.
08:52I don't know why black people complain about that.
08:55I love having the whole side of the street to myself.
08:58It's awesome.
09:00Yeah.
09:02Black people have no idea how difficult it is as a white man
09:06to have to walk down the street every half a block,
09:09have frivolous conversations about the weather.
09:12Oh, man, I think it is going to rain.
09:14Why? Why do we have to have this conversation?
09:17No, it's tremendous. I like the respect.
09:19Look at me.
09:21My whole life, I've looked like Ron Howard.
09:23You realize that? My whole life.
09:25I've been mugged repeatedly.
09:27I've never had any street cred whatsoever.
09:29The second they see this four-legged P90X body
09:31coming down the street, that's it.
09:34It's the best dog on the planet.
09:36Get a pit bull. I'm telling you, man.
09:38It's like a gun you can pet.
09:40Get two of them. Come down to you.
09:42Just strapped.
09:44All of a sudden, there's no line at the ATM.
09:46The whole world opens up for you.
09:50All right, let's wrap this up here.
09:52I had lunch the other day.
09:54I'm a big-time conspiracy theorist.
09:56I drive my girlfriend nuts.
09:58I think they're about ready to microchip all of us.
10:01Yeah, they got this commercial down in the States.
10:03You got that commercial up here for Duracell batteries?
10:05They're selling batteries, and the commercial is
10:07some woman can't find her kid in the park.
10:10That's how they're selling batteries.
10:12What the hell kind of way is that to sell batteries?
10:15Remember the old commercials?
10:17They just show some guy in a rainstorm,
10:19has a flat, pulls out a flashlight.
10:21Thank God he had Duracell.
10:23You can see how wet I'm getting.
10:25That was it.
10:27Now they're showing this woman she can't find her kid in the park.
10:29She's sitting there going, Kevin?
10:31Kevin?
10:33Has anybody seen Kevin?
10:35Sitting there freaking out.
10:37Then she pulls out this little device.
10:39And there comes Kevin running out of the woods.
10:42And they're like, Duracell batteries.
10:44It's like, dude, the hell with the batteries.
10:46What was that thing she just took out of her pocket?
10:49How did Kevin know to come out of the woods?
10:52He didn't have an antenna.
10:54His sneakers weren't glowing.
10:56What the hell is in Kevin that's connected to that device?
10:59Don't just show me that like that's normal.
11:01Oh yeah, robot kid.
11:03Let's go see mommy.
11:05You guys were awesome. Thank you so much.
11:13Funny set, man.
11:17See you guys, man.
11:19And Tommy, what did you do?
11:21I went to jail, man.
11:23More after the break.
11:29God, it's so nice to be here in Montreal.
11:31Yeah.
11:35So before the show, I was out in the audience asking a few questions.
11:39What do people really want to know about Cheech and Chong?
11:42I have a few questions for you guys.
11:44First one, it's kind of a stupid one.
11:47Did you guys smoke pot when you were shooting the movies?
11:49No, not me.
11:51No, they made us.
11:55We didn't want to, but they said you have to smoke this.
11:58Well, okay.
12:00But we didn't inhale.
12:02No.
12:04Well, we did that too.
12:06No, we did. We smoked a lot of pot, man.
12:08But we learned that you can't shoot a movie and smoke pot before you're doing it.
12:13Yeah, because one time we're sitting in the car, you know, up in smoke,
12:18and we're waiting for the cue to come to drive across, you know, into camera view.
12:24And the guy says, we're rolling.
12:26And where is it going?
12:28So are we.
12:34And so we burned up $10,000 worth of film before we realized, oh, that's our cue.
12:40What else do you want to know?
12:41Okay, it looked like you guys had a blast doing the movies.
12:43So why did you break up?
12:47We got too rich, I think.
12:50No, that's true.
12:51We got rich, and I learned one thing.
12:53You can't make a rich Mexican do shit, boy.
13:03I said, Cheech.
13:04I told him, Cheech, we got to work.
13:05He goes, I don't think so, man.
13:09I'm going to stay here and do something for my people.
13:12Yeah, I'm going to learn Spanish.
13:15C.
13:19But you know what?
13:20It really isn't true, because after Cheech and Chong broke up, I mean, Cheech, you went on to do so many things.
13:26I mean, you did movies, the television shows, the animation, play.
13:34And Tommy, what did you do?
13:36I went to jail, man.
13:39But the great thing about prison is they made me take a drug education course.
13:47I ended up teaching it, man.
13:54American dollars at work.
13:57Yeah, they didn't know.
13:58They were teaching things like marijuana is a dangerous drug.
14:01And I had to tell them, man, marijuana is the friendliest drug you'll ever meet in your life.
14:06It's the only drug I know where you take a hit, your first impulse is to give it to somebody.
14:13So it's a good, it's not bad.
14:15Just be careful when you smoke pot.
14:17Make sure you have a co-driver.
14:19A co-driver?
14:21When you're driving alone and you're high on pot, man, it's the weirdest thing.
14:25Like one time I got pulled over by a caution light.
14:30I sat there for a long time, dude.
14:34I had my license out, waiting, you know, looking in the mirrors and blinking.
14:40Finally, I forgot why I was stopping.
14:43I'm thinking, well, as long as I'm here, might as well fire one up.
14:45Here we go.
14:48So I'm smoking, sure enough, the cops pull up.
14:51By that time, I thought I was watching television.
14:55All good, cops is on.
14:58Then the cop looks at me, he goes, hey, you, what are you stopping here for?
15:02I said, didn't you pull me over?
15:09He looked at me for a long time, man.
15:13And then he goes, did I?
15:18I didn't even smoke pot, this is totally wasted on me.
15:22I totally forgot my set, does anybody remember my set?
15:25Our next comedian is from Nova Scotia, Jay Malone!
15:32All right, how you guys doing, Montreal?
15:35Nice.
15:37It's fantastic, it's great to be here doing stand-up comedy,
15:39the big Just for Laughs festival, right, the pinnacle.
15:42And this is the best job in the world, by the way, stand-up comedy.
15:44And one of the reasons is there's no job interview.
15:46Job interviews are terrible because they ask the dumbest questions
15:49I've ever heard in my entire life, right?
15:51Like, my favorite one is the job interview is,
15:53hey, so tell me, what are some of your weaknesses as an employee?
15:57What? What?
15:58Like, what do you think, I'm gonna slip up?
16:01Like, you don't get to ask me what my weaknesses are, right?
16:03You just have to hire me and find out for yourself, that's how this works.
16:07When you walk in on Monday morning and surprise,
16:09the fax machines are gone, that's how this is gonna break down, okay?
16:13Yeah.
16:14Then you gotta justify yourself to your boss going,
16:16I don't know, in his interview he said his weakness was pilfering,
16:18but I didn't know that meant stealing, you know?
16:20In my interview I told you my weakness was vocabulary,
16:22so this isn't my fault at all, buddy.
16:24So, take no reasonability.
16:30It's great to be here.
16:31This is actually my final month of freedom.
16:33I'm getting married next month.
16:35Yeah, yeah, that's happening. Yeah.
16:37No, no, she's not here.
16:38We don't have to pretend to be excited about this.
16:41I mean, I could be joking, right?
16:42You would never know that I was getting married, right?
16:44Because the guy gets nothing.
16:45We get nothing, except the pent-up frustration
16:47and pressure of the engagement scenario, right?
16:49And then the chick gets to walk around with the ring,
16:51showing it off to her friends,
16:52and then they judge us based on the size of it.
16:54Like, it's a rip-off deal for guys.
16:56The only way you can tell a guy is getting married is,
16:58you know that twinkle?
16:59That little sparkle in his eye?
17:00It's dead now. It's gone.
17:01It's never coming back.
17:02Yeah.
17:03There's no eye drops or anything.
17:05Yeah.
17:06But it's so weird,
17:07because I'm in a very, like, transitional phase of my life, right?
17:10Because I'm a fiancé.
17:11And that's a strange thing, right?
17:12Because if you think about it,
17:13you're single your whole life, right?
17:15And you're a fiancé for a brief moment in time.
17:17And then you're a husband, right?
17:19If you think about it,
17:20it's a lot like the life of a caterpillar, right?
17:22Think about it, right?
17:23Caterpillar's out in the woods, squirming around,
17:25free, content, happy, right?
17:26And then he gets wrapped up in a friggin' cocoon of engagement,
17:29where he gets cut off from the outside world.
17:31And all he can think and talk about are wedding cakes and dresses and flowers
17:34and who's gonna sit next to who at what friggin' table, right?
17:36And the pressure builds and builds and builds
17:38until he bursts out of the chapel a brand new husband butterfly.
17:41Yeah.
17:43Yeah.
17:44And his wife suffocates him, clips his wings,
17:45and pins him to a corkboard.
17:46So, that's awesome.
17:48Really looking forward to it.
17:50Brand new chapter.
17:54And now the question, right?
17:55Immediately.
17:56When are you having kids?
17:57You gotta have kids.
17:58When are the kids?
17:59I don't know.
18:00I don't know when I'm having kids, okay?
18:01Kids freak me out.
18:02How about that?
18:03Yeah.
18:04They're always sick.
18:05I've never met a healthy kid.
18:06Not once in my entire life.
18:07Always.
18:08And I love how parents are surprised when their toddlers are sick.
18:09Have you seen the lifestyle of a kid?
18:11But it's the same thing every time.
18:12The parents are like,
18:13Oh, honey, are you sick?
18:14Are you not feeling good?
18:15Well, what happened?
18:16What did you eat?
18:17I'm like,
18:18Bitch, I saw that kid lick the floor at McDonald's five minutes ago.
18:20What did you think was gonna happen?
18:23I saw the same kid reach inside the wrong end of a pig.
18:25Of course he's gonna be sick.
18:29That's why I love it when people get disgusted when I let a dog lick my face.
18:32People are like,
18:33Oh, that's gross.
18:34I can't believe.
18:35Why would you do that?
18:36What?
18:37Are you kidding me?
18:38Because dogs are way cleaner than kids, first of all, okay?
18:39Yeah.
18:40I would rather make out for four hours with an alley dog
18:41than kiss my nephew that just got out of the bathtub.
18:42Seriously.
18:43Seriously.
18:46And I know what you're saying.
18:47That's disgusting, right?
18:48Why?
18:49Because dogs lick their genitalia.
18:50Okay, whatever.
18:51That's been well documented.
18:52They keep those genitals tip-top, my friends.
18:54Yeah.
18:55Spick and span.
18:59And if they can't clean their ass properly,
19:01they will drag that ass across the floor until it friggin' sparkles.
19:04I will take my chances with the dog.
19:06Every time.
19:12So.
19:15So I live in L.A. now, and it's terrifying.
19:17There's like a new earthquake every week.
19:18And here's, you know what I do?
19:20I just sit and wait to die.
19:21That's my strategy in an earthquake.
19:23Everybody's running around yelling at me,
19:24Get in a doorway!
19:26Get in a doorway!
19:27I'm like, yeah.
19:28Because how many aftermaths of an earthquake have you seen
19:29where it's just rubble and doorways?
19:31Just doorways as far as the eye can see
19:35with people huddled safely inside?
19:39Oh, hey, you guys made it too?
19:40Woo, right?
19:41Oh.
19:42Yeah, thank God for this barely reinforced frame of wood.
19:45How are we alive?
19:47Remember that 100-story building that used to be across the street?
19:49Now it's just 100 doorways stacked on top of each other.
19:53They need a ladder.
19:57And there's sharks in the water in L.A.?
19:59I never go in the water.
20:00My friends are like, come on, come in the water.
20:01Why not?
20:02Because I don't want to lose an arm on a Thursday.
20:03How about that?
20:04Like, sharks are the scariest animals on the planet.
20:06But I love that they weren't scary enough for Mother Nature, right?
20:08She had to combine them with other things.
20:10Like, hey, let's have sharks and tigers.
20:12Tiger sharks.
20:13That'll be fun.
20:14Hey, yeah, two of the scariest animals on the planet.
20:16Oh, that's awesome, right?
20:17Let's have swordfish.
20:18Sharks with swords on their faces.
20:20How about that?
20:21How about hammerhead sharks?
20:22Sharks with hammers for heads.
20:24So if they're not hungry, they can just shatter your kneecaps so you can't surf anymore.
20:27That's awesome.
20:28Yeah, why don't we have crossbow sharks?
20:30Sharks with crossbows mounted on their fins so they can just shoot you on the beach.
20:33How about that?
20:37Stupid.
20:38I'm always getting lost in L.A., too.
20:39It's a giant place, right?
20:41Always getting lost because I'm bad with directions, okay?
20:43So my fiancé bought me a GPS.
20:45Turns out I'm not bad with directions.
20:47I'm just an idiot.
20:48I can't even follow.
20:49Like, what do I need, a midget with a map sitting on my shoulder, you know?
20:52A unicorn pulling my car?
20:54I don't understand what my problem is.
20:55And I hate when you make a wrong turn with the GPS, right?
20:57It's the worst, right?
20:58Because the GPS does that whole recalculating.
21:01That is the most condescending voice I have ever heard in my entire life.
21:04How did they make it sound just like my fiancé?
21:06That's what I want to know.
21:07Like, did she program that?
21:09It almost sighs beforehand.
21:11Like, you make a wrong turn and you hear, wow, really?
21:15Okay, yeah.
21:17Guess what your next destination is?
21:18The ditch.
21:20Stupid.
21:22I feel like in like five years, there's going to be like a GPS device but for everything, right?
21:26Like a little box on our hip and a little button in our ear
21:29that just tells us what to do step by step through our entire lives, right?
21:32Like, especially like how to talk to your girlfriend, you know?
21:34Like, you come home and you're like, hey, honey, I'm home.
21:36And it's like, compliment her on her appearance.
21:38Oh, yeah, that's smart.
21:40Hey, you look really nice tonight, baby.
21:42Ask her about her day.
21:43Yep.
21:44Hey, how was your day?
21:45How did that go?
21:46Yeah.
21:47Compliment her on her appearance.
21:48I just did that.
21:49What are you, kidding me?
21:51Hey, you fit in those pants again.
21:52Recalculating.
21:53What did I say?
21:54What?
21:55I don't understand.
21:56Anyway, I'm Jay Malone, Montreal.
21:57You guys have been absolutely awesome.
22:06All right, the next guy is from Australia.
22:08That felt good.
22:09What did you guys think?
22:10Weird.
22:11This is on tape, so answer me months later.
22:13Email me.
22:14After the break.
22:15Could you have guessed?
22:16I've come as the 70s.
22:18Noel Fielding on Just for Laughs.
22:25I'm ready now.
22:45Ralph.
22:46Herbie.
22:47Hey, I shot that with you.
22:48How are you?
22:49Long time no see.
22:50How you doing, man?
22:51Wow.
22:52Wow.
22:53You smell great, man.
22:54I like your new hairdo, man.
22:55Yeah, yeah.
22:56You like it?
22:57It's really punk.
22:58It's like a reverse Mohawk, man.
22:59Yeah.
23:00I like it.
23:01I like it.
23:02I like it.
23:03I like it.
23:04I like it.
23:05I like it.
23:06I like it.
23:07I like it.
23:08I like it.
23:09I like it.
23:10I like it.
23:11I like it.
23:12I like it.
23:13I like it.
23:14I like it.
23:15I like it.
23:16That's nice, man.
23:17Very hip looking.
23:18Yeah.
23:19I like your new haircut, too.
23:20Was that cologne, or?
23:21Wow.
23:22I love the way you got the hairs to stick out straight like rocket launchers, man.
23:28That's my human.
23:30He's got me on a vegetarian diet.
23:32Wow.
23:33Vegetarian, huh?
23:34Yeah, he's helped me get my shit together.
23:36Yeah, well it's together, man.
23:39It looks like cement.
23:41The only trouble is, man.
23:42What?
23:43Ever since he got me on the diet,
23:45I gotta take a crap every two minutes.
23:46I gotta go now, man.
23:48You gotta poop now?
23:50Yeah. Hey, help me, okay?
23:52What do you want me to do?
23:53Help me find some paper, man,
23:55because I gotta go real bad.
23:56What, are you gonna read while you take a dump?
23:59My human's French, man.
24:01He taught me how to crap on paper, you know.
24:03He means to give me...
24:04Hey, give me that Montreal Gazette there.
24:06Oh, okay.
24:07Here you go.
24:09Oh, there you go.
24:11Oh, look, it's a picture of Steve Harper.
24:24All right.
24:25Am I over?
24:26Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bombs away.
24:27Okay.
24:38Hey, Harvey, here it comes.
24:41Oh, it's gonna be a big one, too.
24:44Keep pushing.
24:45Push, push, push.
24:46Whoa.
24:47Hey.
24:48Look at the size of that mother.
24:50Whoa, did I do that?
24:52Wow, it's like three rings, man.
24:54Wow, it's still smoking, too.
24:56Yeah.
24:59Oh, look at all the corn and nuts in there, too.
25:02What have you been eating?
25:03Wow, looks like a Henry Moore sculpture for me.
25:05Yeah.
25:06Oh, God, Play-Doh, man.
25:08Let's smell it, let's smell it.
25:11I smell Fifi.
25:12Fifi.
25:13Oh, it's Fifi.
25:14She's in heat, man.
25:16Oh, God.
25:20That little poodle gets me so horny, man.
25:22No, no, no, no, no.
25:23Hey, hey, hey, hey.
25:24Knock it off, man.
25:25Knock it off.
25:30I'm sorry, I don't know what got into me.
25:32Yeah, well, I know what got into me.
25:37Go ahead, get me back.
25:38Get out of here.
25:40Ralph, Ralph, Ralph.
25:41Fifi, oh, I see her.
25:43Just ignore her.
25:44I'll back her into you.
25:45Okay.
25:46Hey, hey, Fifi.
25:47Hey, parley-voo-humma-humma.
25:50Hey, how you doing, babe?
25:51Hey, I got it, I got it.
25:53I got it, I got it.
25:56Not me, Ralph.
25:58Ralph, not me.
25:59All right, the next dude is from England,
26:01where he's written and performed on various shows on BBC.
26:05I love the British language, man.
26:08It's so easy.
26:10How many languages do you know?
26:12I know British, Australian, American,
26:14a little bit of Canadian.
26:18No Newfoundland, though.
26:19I can't speak that much.
26:20Hey, take off, hosehead.
26:22All right, please welcome one of the creators
26:24of the Mighty Bush, the hilarious Noel Fielding.
26:27Noel.
26:28Come on out here, Noel.
26:29Get on out here.
26:30Get on out here.
26:35Hey.
26:38Ah, Montrealers, how you doing?
26:41Woo!
26:42Yeah.
26:45Loving it in Montreal.
26:46Montrealers, you call yourselves Montrealers?
26:48I can get with that.
26:49It's like a synchronised swimming team.
26:50It's cool.
26:51I just came from Toronto.
26:54Ooh.
26:57Those people call themselves the Torontonians.
27:01I thought that was a little bit pretentious.
27:04I was quite scared.
27:05I thought, the Torontonians.
27:07It sounds quite sinister.
27:08The Torontonians.
27:10I thought, what's that?
27:11It's quite Shakespearean.
27:13What are these people?
27:15I was on the plane.
27:16I was imagining them.
27:17I thought, what are they, mythical creatures?
27:20I was expecting to get to Toronto
27:22and them to all come out of a forest with ram's legs.
27:26Oh.
27:28We are the Torontonians.
27:33Yes.
27:35For we have ram's legs.
27:38We are the Torontonians.
27:40One of them came out with a stuffed owl under his arm.
27:44And then it flew away.
27:45Yes, it wasn't stuffed.
27:47It was pretending to be stuffed.
27:50We are the Torontonians.
28:02It's a real honour to do a gig with Cheech and Chong.
28:04I'm a huge fan.
28:09Could you have guessed?
28:10I've come as the 70s.
28:14I am psychedelia with legs.
28:17Imagine if I did the whole gig like this.
28:25You all had to read my thoughts.
28:32That way, if it was a shit gig, it would be your own fault.
28:40But it's great.
28:41I'm sort of loving it in Montreal.
28:44I want to talk to you about magic.
28:46When you're a little kid, everything seems magical.
28:49Everything's magical when you're a little child.
28:51You see through eyes that can create things and make them enchanted.
28:55But when you get older, you sort of lose that.
28:57But there is one form of magic left in the adult world,
29:00and it's whispering.
29:01I'll tell you why.
29:02Whispering is the most brilliant form of magic.
29:04Because if you think about it,
29:05no one ever talks to you about whispering or tells you how it works.
29:08But you just seem to know the rules of whispering.
29:10It's brilliant.
29:11If someone says to you,
29:12Hi, mate.
29:13No matter what you're doing, if you're over here,
29:15if someone says,
29:16Hi, mate.
29:17You will always go,
29:19What is it?
29:22No matter what you're doing,
29:23you could be over here just dropping an atlas onto a swan,
29:27whatever it is you do.
29:29I've not really researched it.
29:30But if someone says,
29:31Hi, mate.
29:32You will always go,
29:33What is it?
29:35And if they're quite a long way away,
29:36you can't even make a sound.
29:37You have to tiptoe towards them.
29:39You have to go,
29:41What is it?
29:43I mean, I suppose it makes sense.
29:45Because it would be weird if someone went,
29:46Hi, mate.
29:47And you went,
29:48Yes, what is it?
29:50What is it that you're trying to obtain from me, my friend?
29:53That wouldn't make sense, would it?
29:55Then the whispering police would come and arrest you.
29:58You'd be like,
29:59What have I done?
30:00What have I done?
30:01They'd go,
30:02You know what you've done.
30:05But you can just say anything when you're whispering as well.
30:07And people listen.
30:08It's brilliant.
30:09Hi, mate.
30:10You go,
30:11What is it?
30:12There's a dead gorilla at the ice rink.
30:17No way.
30:20Dead gorilla at the ice rink.
30:23Yeah, he's just lying there like that.
30:26Wow.
30:27Dead gorilla at the ice rink.
30:29Has he got skates on?
30:33Of course he's got skates on.
30:34It's an ice rink.
30:37He can't go on there in his socks, can he?
30:41Wow.
30:42Dead gorilla at the ice rink.
30:45How are we going to get out of this joke?
30:55I'll tell you why it's magical, though, whispering,
30:57because I was basically in...
30:59I live in London.
31:00Anyone been to London?
31:01Yeah.
31:03I used to live in quite a rough part of London
31:05and there were a lot of gangs around there.
31:06We called them chavs,
31:07sort of little rude boys in hoods,
31:09little delinquents come out with little flick knives.
31:11They're always after...
31:12Basically, if you dress like this,
31:14you're a sitting target.
31:16I never used to get on with them.
31:18I can't imagine why.
31:19And I was coming home late one night from a gig
31:21and I went across this sort of deserted car park
31:23and I thought,
31:24I was pushing my luck, really,
31:25because I knew there were some gangs that hung out there.
31:27And as I was walking through, I thought,
31:29Yeah, I've got away with this.
31:30But then right at the last minute,
31:31sort of one came out from behind a tree
31:33and then another one came out from behind a car
31:35and then one came down vertically
31:38and then I opened my hand
31:39and there was a tiny one in there
31:41and he did a somersault and landed.
31:43One came out of my crown.
31:45Basically, there was this gang in front of me like that
31:47and I thought,
31:48Shit, I'm in trouble.
31:49And the leader was there
31:50and he definitely had a knife
31:51because he had his hand behind his back like that.
31:53And I thought, I'm in trouble now.
31:54But it was either that
31:55or he was going to do a card trick.
31:57That would have been better
31:58if he'd have come out and gone,
31:59Four of clubs!
32:00And then ran off.
32:02That didn't happen.
32:03He had a knife, basically.
32:04And he got his knife out
32:05because he wanted my wallet
32:06and I didn't have any money
32:07so he was going to stab me
32:08and he got his knife out like that
32:09and it came down like that
32:10and I really panicked.
32:11I thought, this is it.
32:12I'm too young to die.
32:13What's happening?
32:14And as it came down like that,
32:15right at the last minute,
32:16I went,
32:17Oi, mate.
32:18And he went,
32:19What is it?
32:21Thanks a lot.
32:22You've got a great night.
32:37He's like a drug test, man.
32:41If you got it, man,
32:42you're really messed up.
32:45Okay, our next performer
32:46of the night.
32:47He said,
32:48You want some?
32:49I was like,
32:50Maybe.
32:52LaVell Crawford,
32:53coming up.
32:57Our next comedian
32:58was a runner-up
32:59on Last Comic Standing.
33:00He would have won
33:01the whole thing
33:02if it wasn't for the guy
33:03who came in first.
33:05Returning to Just for Laughs,
33:06it's LaVell Crawford.
33:13Hey, what's happening?
33:14What's happening?
33:16Oh, man.
33:18I love Montreal.
33:19It's a beautiful state
33:20and it's a good food state.
33:21I love the food up here, man.
33:24I had some poutine.
33:30I didn't even know
33:31what it was at first.
33:32I was like,
33:33What is poutine?
33:34He said,
33:35You want some?
33:36I was like,
33:37Maybe.
33:40And come to find out,
33:41it's gravy over french fries
33:44with some cheese.
33:45Oh, my God.
33:48You know how long
33:49I dreamed of putting gravy
33:51on french fries
33:53and then cheese?
33:56Oh, but poutine
33:57don't come out easy.
34:00I was poutine-ing all day.
34:04My mom wanted to come, you know,
34:06but she's a mom
34:07and I'm a mama's boy
34:08and she always got those threats.
34:10I don't know.
34:11All the mamas in the house
34:12always got these threats.
34:13You know, these threats
34:14they don't never do.
34:15They don't make no sense.
34:17Like, keep on running your mouth
34:20and I'm gonna rip your lips
34:22off your face.
34:25They're like,
34:26When did you ever do that?
34:29Say one more thing to me.
34:31Say one more thing to me.
34:33I'm gonna rip your arm off,
34:34beat you to death with it
34:36and sew it back on.
34:39You don't have
34:40the medical capability
34:41to do such a thing.
34:43All right, boy,
34:44say one more thing to me
34:45and I'm gonna rip
34:46all the skin off your back,
34:47rub sugar and salt in your back,
34:50bake you for two hours
34:51and sell you as a honey-baked ham.
34:55I'm like,
34:56Lady, you crazy.
34:57Call me crazy one more time.
35:00Call me crazy one more time
35:02and I'm gonna kick your ass
35:04into your throat.
35:07Who have you ever done that to?
35:09Here come my sister.
35:10Oh, you don't want none of that.
35:13My food ain't taste the same since.
35:20And my mom said,
35:21You know, I grew up in the 70s.
35:23That's old school, you know,
35:24back when, you know,
35:25before you needed Amber Alert.
35:27You wasn't getting,
35:28you know, Amber Alert,
35:29you know, you get abducted,
35:30they put your name up in lights.
35:32That wasn't going on
35:33when I was growing up.
35:34She gave me some vital information.
35:35She said,
35:36When you get off that bus at 4.30,
35:38I want you in that house
35:39and I mean in that house
35:40and I want you to lock that door
35:41and don't you let nobody
35:42in that house
35:43till I get off work
35:44at 9 o'clock tonight.
35:45You got it?
35:46I'm like, I got it.
35:47Don't let nobody in your house
35:48till you get off work
35:49at 9 o'clock tonight.
35:50I got it.
35:51And when my mama say something,
35:52she meant it.
35:53I get in that house
35:54and I lock the door
35:55like Fort Knox.
35:56Man, like it's a bar.
35:57She give me some chocolate milk
35:58and be watching
35:59my favorite cartoon,
36:00Thundercats.
36:01Thunder.
36:02Thunder.
36:03Thundercats.
36:04Oh!
36:05I'll be drinking
36:06my chocolate milk
36:07and it's the greatest episode
36:08I ever seen in my life.
36:09And then all of a sudden,
36:10the doorbell ring.
36:11Ding dong.
36:12I'm like,
36:13who could that be?
36:14I go to the door.
36:15Who is it?
36:16Baby, it's your grandmama.
36:17Open the door
36:18and let grandmama in.
36:19I'm like, sorry grandma.
36:20Mama said not to let nobody
36:21in the house
36:22and she meant nobody's house
36:23till she get off work
36:24at 9 o'clock tonight.
36:25Baby, this your grandma.
36:26Now, I only got two buses
36:27to come over and see you.
36:28You can let grandmama
36:29in the house.
36:30I'll say,
36:31I love you too, grandma.
36:32But mama said
36:33not to let nobody's house
36:34and she meant nobody's house
36:35till she get off work
36:36at 9 o'clock tonight.
36:37You welcome
36:38to sit on the porch
36:39or you welcome
36:40to catch both them buses
36:41back to your house.
36:42But could you please
36:43excuse me,
36:44I got to get back
36:45to my Thundercats
36:46and my chocolate milk.
36:47I go back and sit down.
36:48Bing bong.
36:49What does she want now?
36:50What does she want now?
36:51What does she want now?
36:52What does she want now?
36:53What does she want now?
36:54What does she want now?
36:55I come back to the door.
36:56Who is it?
36:57Boy, this your daddy.
36:58Open this damn door
36:59and let me
37:00and your grandmama
37:01in the house right now.
37:02You got her out here
37:03sitting on this porch.
37:04You open this door
37:05right now.
37:06Sorry, daddy.
37:07Mama said
37:08not to let nobody's house
37:09and she meant nobody's house
37:10till she get off work
37:11at 9 o'clock tonight.
37:12Boy, you know I live there.
37:15Apparently not.
37:18You don't have a key.
37:21I'm going to whoop
37:22your chunky ass
37:23when I get in that house.
37:24Well, that'll be around
37:259 o'clock tonight.
37:33Man, and you know,
37:35if Amber Alert was going on
37:37when I was growing up,
37:38my mother would use it
37:39as a scare tactic.
37:40She'd be like,
37:41see them kids' names in lights?
37:42Huh?
37:43You see them kids' names
37:44in lights?
37:45Keep messing up
37:46and your name's
37:47going to be in lights
37:48but guess what?
37:49I ain't looking for
37:50near none of y'all.
37:51I'm like, damn.
37:52That's why I wish
37:53I had a white mama.
37:54White mama look
37:55for they kids.
37:56They be out there
37:57at the blood house.
37:58Caroline,
37:59say something, honey.
38:00Roof.
38:01Caroline,
38:02say something, please.
38:03Roof.
38:04Make a bird noise.
38:05She loves birds.
38:06Not my mama.
38:07My mama,
38:08she'll make you so scared
38:09you don't even want
38:10to come out the wood.
38:11She's like, nah,
38:12we've been calling
38:13your damn name
38:14for about 30,
38:1540,
38:16million years
38:17and you don't
38:18even want to
38:19come out the wood.
38:20She's like, nah,
38:21we've been calling
38:22your damn name
38:23for 30,
38:2440 minutes.
38:25You've been out
38:26in these damn woods.
38:27We got these blood hounds
38:28out here.
38:29We got the police
38:30and the news
38:31out here
38:32making me look
38:33like an unfit mother.
38:34Let me tell you something.
38:35You better be dead.
38:36Because when you come
38:37out of the woods,
38:38I'm going to kill your ass.
38:39Now I'm going
38:40to count to three.
38:41If you ain't out
38:42of the woods
38:43at the count of three,
38:44you live here.
38:45You live here.
38:46You live here.
38:47You live here.
38:48You live here.
38:49You live here.
38:50You live here.
38:51One.
38:52There he is.
38:53Let's go.
38:54You know,
38:55because black
38:56mamas,
38:57real,
38:58you know,
38:59they don't play.
39:00They don't play.
39:01But all mamas
39:02get tired.
39:03Because when
39:04white mamas
39:05get fed up,
39:06oh,
39:07y'all get
39:08fed up.
39:09You're like,
39:10I've had it
39:11up to here.
39:12I'm sick
39:13of your
39:14insubordination.
39:15You don't
39:16stay in timeout.
39:17You don't
39:18eat your vegetables.
39:19You don't
39:20eat your vegetables.
39:21You know what?
39:22I got an idea.
39:23You know what?
39:24I got an idea.
39:25Everybody,
39:26get in the car.
39:27We're going to go
39:28for a ride
39:29down by the lake.
39:30And the kids
39:31be like,
39:32yay.
39:33We're going
39:34for a ride
39:35down by the lake.
39:36Down by the lake.
39:37But my
39:38mama might not
39:39ever take us
39:40for a ride
39:41down by the lake.
39:42But she'll
39:43read that
39:44in the paper
39:45and she'll use
39:46it as a scare
39:47tactic.
39:48That mama
39:49got tired
39:50of them
39:51damn kids
39:52and took
39:53they ass
39:54for a ride
39:55down by the lake.
39:56Let me tell
39:57y'all something.
39:58Keep messing
39:59up and I'm
40:00going to take
40:01y'all ass
40:02for a ride
40:03down by the lake.
40:04I'll be in
40:05the background
40:06talking about,
40:07first of all,
40:08you got to get
40:09a car.
40:10Because I
40:11don't think the
40:12bus driver's
40:13going to let
40:14you take everybody
40:15on the bus
40:16for a ride
40:17down by the lake.
40:18I'll be in
40:19the background
40:20talking about,
40:21first of all,
40:22you got to get
40:23a car.
40:24I'll be in
40:25the background
40:26talking about,
40:27first of all,
40:28you got to get
40:29a car.
40:30I'll be in
40:31the background
40:32talking about,
40:33first of all,
40:34you got to get
40:35a car.
40:36I'll be in
40:37the background
40:38talking about,
40:39first of all,
40:40you got to get
40:41a car.
40:42I'll be in
40:43the background
40:44talking about,
40:45first of all,
40:46you got to get
40:47a car.
40:48I'll be in
40:49the background
40:50talking about,
40:51first of all,
40:52you got to get
40:53a car.
40:54I'll be in
40:55the background
40:56talking about,
40:57first of all,
40:58you got to get
40:59a car.
41:00I'll be in
41:01the background
41:02talking about,
41:03first of all,
41:04you got to get
41:05a car.
41:06I'll be in
41:07the background
41:08talking about,
41:09first of all,
41:10you got to get
41:11a car.
41:12I'll be in
41:13the background
41:14talking about,
41:15first of all,
41:16you got to get
41:17a car.
41:18I'll be in
41:19the background
41:20talking about,
41:21first of all,
41:22you got to get
41:23a car.
41:24I'll be in
41:25the background
41:26talking about,
41:27first of all,
41:28you got to get
41:29a car.
41:30I'll be in
41:31the background
41:32talking about,
41:33first of all,
41:34you got to get
41:35a car.
41:36I'll be in
41:37the background
41:38talking about,
41:39first of all,
41:40you got to get
41:41a car.
41:42I'll be in
41:43the background
41:44talking about,
41:45first of all,
41:46you got to get
41:47a car.
41:48I'll be in
41:49the background
41:50talking about,
41:51first of all,
41:52you got to get
41:53a car.
41:54I'll be in
41:55the background
41:56talking about,
41:57first of all,
41:58you got to get
41:59a car.
42:00I'll be in
42:01the background
42:02talking about,
42:03first of all,
42:04you got to get
42:05a car.
42:06I'll be in
42:07the background
42:08talking about,
42:09first of all,
42:10you got to get
42:11a car.
42:12I'll be in
42:13the background
42:14talking about,
42:15first of all,
42:16you got to get
42:17a car.
42:18I'll be in
42:19the background
42:20talking about,
42:21first of all,
42:22you got to get
42:23a car.
42:24I'll be in
42:25the background
42:26talking about,
42:27first of all,
42:28you got to get
42:29a car.
42:30I'll be in
42:31the background
42:32talking about,
42:33first of all,
42:34you got to get
42:35a car.
42:36I'll be in
42:37the background
42:38talking about,
42:39first of all,
42:40you got to get
42:41a car.
42:42I'll be in
42:43the background
42:44talking about,
42:45first of all,
42:46you got to get
42:47a car.
42:48I'll be in
42:49the background
42:50talking about,
42:51first of all,
42:52you got to get
42:53a car.
42:54I'll be in
42:55the background
42:56talking about,
42:57first of all,
42:58you got to get
42:59a car.
43:00I'll be in
43:01the background
43:02talking about,
43:03first of all,
43:04you got to get
43:05a car.
43:06I'll be in
43:07the background
43:08talking about,
43:09first of all,
43:10you got to get
43:11a car.
43:12I'll be in
43:13the background
43:14talking about,
43:15first of all,
43:16you got to get
43:17a car.
43:18I'll be in
43:19the background
43:20talking about,
43:21first of all,
43:22you got to get
43:23a car.
43:24I'll be in
43:25the background
43:26talking about,
43:27first of all,
43:28you got to get
43:29a car.
43:30I'll be in
43:31the background
43:32talking about,
43:33first of all,
43:34you got to get
43:35a car.
43:36I'll be in
43:37the background
43:38talking about,
43:39first of all,
43:40you got to get
43:41a car.
43:42I'll be in
43:43the background
43:44talking about,
43:45first of all,
43:46you got to get
43:47a car.
43:48I'll be in
43:49the background
43:50talking about,
43:51first of all,
43:52you got to get
43:53a car.
43:54I'll be in
43:55the background
43:56talking about,
43:57first of all,
43:58you got to get
43:59a car.
44:00I'll be in
44:01the background
44:02talking about,
44:03first of all,
44:04you got to get
44:05a car.
44:06I'll be in
44:07the background
44:08talking about,
44:09first of all,
44:10you got to get
44:11a car.
44:12I'll be in
44:13the background
44:14talking about,
44:15first of all,
44:16you got to get
44:17a car.
44:18I'll be in
44:19the background
44:20talking about,
44:21first of all,
44:22you got to get
44:23a car.
44:24I'll be in
44:25the background
44:26talking about,
44:27first of all,
44:28you got to get
44:29a car.
44:30I'll be in
44:31the background
44:32talking about,
44:33first of all,
44:34you got to get
44:35a car.
44:36I'll be in
44:37the background