El Dictador (2012) Película Completa en Español Latino
El Dictador (2012) Película Completa en Español Latino
El Dictador (2012) Película Completa en Español Latino
El Dictador (2012) Película Completa en Español Latino
El Dictador (2012) Película Completa en Español Latino
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00:26:11¿Cuál es su nombre?
00:26:12Allison Burgers.
00:26:14Ese es un nombre inventado.
00:26:16¿Cuál es el real?
00:26:18A la...
00:26:20Sanitario.
00:26:22¿Sanitario qué?
00:26:23Sanitario de Damas.
00:26:28¿Su nombre es como el letrero Sanitario de Damas?
00:26:30¡Uh!
00:26:31Ese es un nombre inventado.
00:26:32¿Cuál es el real?
00:26:34Estoy muy interesado.
00:26:35Estamos interesados.
00:26:41Empleaos.
00:26:42¿Empleaos qué?
00:26:43Empleaos.
00:26:44La mamá no.
00:26:48Ese es otro nombre inventado.
00:26:50Mm-mm.
00:26:51Mm-hmm.
00:26:52Bueno.
00:26:53¿Cuál es el real?
00:26:55Maxim.
00:26:57¿Maxim qué?
00:26:58Máxima ocupación de 120 personas.
00:27:04¿Hay un número en su nombre?
00:27:06¿Quién eres?
00:27:07¿Simpatizante de Aladín?
00:27:08No, no, no, no.
00:27:10¡No chinguen! ¡No chinguen!
00:27:11¡No soy Aladín!
00:27:12¡Es Aladín! ¡Es Aladín Sinverval!
00:27:14¡No, no! ¡No soy Aladín! ¡No chinguen!
00:27:20¡Tranquilos! ¡Tranquilos! ¡Ya estuvo!
00:27:22¡Ay, primo! ¡Estás aquí!
00:27:23Es mi primo. Ya lo conocieron, ¿verdad?
00:27:25Es tan...
00:27:26Naquito y silvestre el pobre.
00:27:28Qué pena.
00:27:29Siéntense.
00:27:30Ok.
00:27:31Siéntense a comer.
00:27:32Primo, siéntate.
00:27:33Lo lamento. Mil disculpas.
00:27:34Bienvenidos.
00:27:35¿Qué estás haciendo aquí?
00:27:36¿Y qué le pasó a tu suprema barba?
00:27:38Me la chingaron para poner a un doble que está bien pendejo.
00:27:41¿Tú cómo es que estás vivo?
00:27:43¿Qué? ¿Cómo estoy?
00:27:44¿Te cae?
00:27:45¿No lo sabes?
00:27:46No.
00:27:47Todos a los que mandaste dar cuello aún siguen vivos.
00:27:50Vivimos aquí en el Barrio Guadiano.
00:27:52El verdugo es solo un miembro de la Resistencia.
00:27:54No me chinguen a nadie. No mames.
00:27:56No. De hecho, a cero personas.
00:28:00Nadal, tú debes ayudarme a volver al poder.
00:28:04¿Qué? No.
00:28:05¿Por qué haría eso?
00:28:06Aquí me va de pelo. Soy un macgenius.
00:28:09¿Qué es eso?
00:28:12Pues, la neta, le quito el semen a los laptops.
00:28:16Felicidades, vives el sueño americano.
00:28:19Está bien. Te voy a ayudar con una condición.
00:28:21Dímela.
00:28:22Que me restituyas como jefe de investigación nuclear.
00:28:25Así terminaré de fabricar mi bomba.
00:28:26Sale.
00:28:28Y otra cosa.
00:28:30Vas a dejarme ser un arma nuclear con la punta redonda.
00:28:32Jamás. Debes ser puntiaguda.
00:28:34Ah, no, cabrón.
00:28:35No, I can't.
00:28:37Órale. Ya está.
00:28:38Hecho.
00:28:42Damas y caballeros de la prensa,
00:28:43nuestro supremo líder no está disponible para sus preguntas,
00:28:46ya que se encuentra redactando la nueva constitución de Guadilla
00:28:50que estará lista para firmarse en el salón del penthouse de Lancaster en tres días.
00:28:55Gracias. No más preguntas.
00:29:06Bien.
00:29:09Sin base de seguridad ni más que nos dejan acercarnos al hotel, hermano.
00:29:12Está canejo.
00:29:14Aguas.
00:29:15¿Qué haces?
00:29:16¿Ocultándome de la hobbit lesbiana?
00:29:18¿Conoces a esa chava?
00:29:20No tiene idea del honor que es proveer toda la comida y el mafrún para este evento.
00:29:25Eso cubre la renta de este mes.
00:29:27Ella me ofreció un trabajo.
00:29:29Qué idiotezno. ¿Me imaginas trabajando?
00:29:32Niña, cuida tu credencial.
00:29:34Es lo único con lo que pasará seguridad.
00:29:36Ok.
00:29:37Ay, mira tú.
00:29:38Su compañía es proveedora del evento.
00:29:40Tiene un pase de seguridad.
00:29:42Ya la hicimos.
00:29:43Este es el plan, ¿ok?
00:29:44Aceptarás el empleo y trabajarás para ella.
00:29:46Yo te conseguiré una barba idéntica y vestuario.
00:29:49Y luego, el día del evento, vas a entrar a Lancaster como miembro de su equipo.
00:29:53Encontraremos al doble.
00:29:55Lo reemplazarás y romperemos la constitución frente a todo el mundo.
00:29:58¿Me pides trabajar para ese cheti con senos?
00:30:05Paladín.
00:30:06Es lo suyo.
00:30:16Kimberly.
00:30:18Zoe.
00:30:19Es lo mismo.
00:30:20He venido a disculparme por algunos de los comentarios que pude haber hecho sobre el Capitán Garfio y el Morenazo.
00:30:30Excelente.
00:30:31Y acepto tu oferta de trabajar como gerente general.
00:30:33No podrías ser tú, porque yo soy la gerente, pero...
00:30:35Sí puedo, si te doy cuello.
00:30:39Como dicen, ya te agarré la onda.
00:30:41Sí, yo te la voy a agarrar también.
00:30:43Excelente.
00:30:44Entonces, a trabajar.
00:30:45Sí, dame chance, ¿no?
00:30:47Oye, ¿si te molesto?
00:30:48El de la redesilla.
00:30:50Sí, tú.
00:30:51Quiero de esa ensalada con ajojolí, hermano.
00:30:53Y unos trozos de pan extra encima, si puedes, ¿no?
00:30:56Y necesito que le eches ganas, porque no tengo todo el día.
00:30:59¿Qué es eso?
00:31:01Siguiente.
00:31:04Oye, oye, espérate, estoy orinando.
00:31:06Voy a limpiar.
00:31:07Dale, caminando y leando, caminando y leando.
00:31:09Oye, Allison, ¿sacas la basura, por favor?
00:31:11Gracias.
00:31:19Oye, uno de los clientes dejó de propina una loción y artículos de afeitar.
00:31:24¿Alguien quiere usarlos?
00:31:30¿Ya, escuincles?
00:31:32Chúpame esta.
00:31:40Limpié ese pasillo cuatro.
00:31:53A ver, pinche rata, ya te vi.
00:31:55Esa es una falta de respeto a tu líder.
00:31:57Cálmate, güey. ¿Quién eres, el mejor amigo de Osama Bin Laden o qué?
00:32:00No, él no es mi mejor amigo.
00:32:02Aunque se ha quedado en una de mis casas desde que mataron a su doble hace un año.
00:32:07Ahora no se quiere ir.
00:32:09Ya sé por qué es el tipo más odiado del mundo.
00:32:11Solo tienes que usar el baño después de él.
00:32:13Si entras después de ese güey, se te pueden botar los ojos o te puedes morir del hornazo.
00:32:21Tengo un plan para entrar a Lancaster.
00:32:27¡Este es el plan!
00:32:29Tomaremos un paseo en helicóptero y volaremos sobre Lancaster para ubicar su debilidad.
00:32:33Ponte trucha. Somos solo dos gringos comunes y corrientes turisteando en la ciudad.
00:32:38Tranquilo, nadie va a sospechar nada. Es un excelente plan.
00:32:41No hagas nada que despierta sospechas.
00:32:43¡Qué tranquilo! ¡Soy el mejor actor de Guadilla!
00:32:45No se ganan cuatro globos de oro guadianos por nada.
00:32:48Claro que sí, porque tú eres el mejor actor de Guadilla.
00:32:50¡No!
00:32:51¡No se ganan cuatro globos de oro guadianos por nada!
00:32:54¿No se ganan cuatro globos de oro guadianos por nada?
00:32:56¡Claro que sí, porque tú mismo te premiaste!
00:32:58Mi actuación en Aladdin Jones en el Templo de la Perdición era una chingonería.
00:33:02¡Chingonería esta, papá!
00:33:03¿Has visto tienes un email bomba?
00:33:05¡Siempre me obligabas a verlas! ¡Todas eran una mierda!
00:33:08Mira, la verdad, eres una porquería actuando.
00:33:11Te aconsejo, en serio, que tu comportamiento sea discreto y real.
00:33:15Hecho. Quiero un impermeable.
00:33:16¿Por qué?
00:33:17Porque creo que mi personaje lo usa.
00:33:19No, tu personaje usa un traje de bandera norteamericana y placa de sheriff.
00:33:23¿Necesito la placa?
00:33:24¿Para qué? Solo eres el sheriff de pendejolandia.
00:33:27¡Qué grosero eres!
00:33:28Ya cállate. Vamos a caminar hacia allá, y tú no llames la atención.
00:33:33¡Sí, ya entendí nada!
00:33:34Ok, ya.
00:33:35Ok, entonces cuando tengo boleto...
00:33:36¡Carajo! ¡No hagas payasadas!
00:33:37¿Cómo vas a ser un chino idiota?
00:33:39¡No soy chino! ¡Soy chino americano!
00:33:40¡No, pero no te jales los ojos!
00:33:41¡Nadie creerá que eres un chino americano porque te jales los ojos!
00:33:43¡Es racista! ¡No lo hagas!
00:33:44Oye, es un hecho que no pueden pronunciar las eres.
00:33:47Las pronuncian como eles.
00:33:48¿Tú sabes cómo se pronuncia Romeo en chino?
00:33:50No, ¿cómo puede hablar chino?
00:33:51Se pronuncia Lomeo.
00:33:52¡Ahora resulta que es Lomeo!
00:33:53¡Sí! Lomeo y Julieta fue un gran éxito en chino.
00:33:55¡Nadie sabe! En fin, ya, no quiero seguir oyendo estupideces.
00:33:58Ok, seré filipino. Quiero trabajar, quiero hablar, quiero despecar, quiero hacer niños...
00:34:01¡Ya! ¡Que te estaste, Diego!
00:34:03¡Tu filipino es tan ridículo como tu chino!
00:34:06¡Tú eres el racista, wey!
00:34:20¡Adoro ser norteamericanos! ¡Norteamérica es número uno!
00:34:25¡Yo soy de Estados Unidos! ¡Mi padre es de Estados Unidos!
00:34:30¡Mi bisabuelo peleó en la guerra santa civil norteamericana!
00:34:34¡Estoy muy orgulloso de ser norteamericano! ¡Soy el norteamericano tarado número uno!
00:34:41¡Así que ellos me compraron todo! ¡Me cobraron todo! ¡Rasca y rica!
00:34:47¡Ah, ya te lo dije! ¡Estoy muy orgulloso de ser norteamericano!
00:34:51¡Uhh! ¡Bin Laden!
00:34:53¡Es el mejor!
00:34:54¿Qué es eso?
00:34:55¡Que yo voy a matar a Bin Laden! ¡Que yo voy a matar a Bin Laden!
00:35:00¿Quién se llama Bin Laden?
00:35:03¡Ahora, ahora! ¡Yo soy de Gagaleva, Chile!
00:35:06¿Viniste a vivir allá?
00:35:07¡Sí! El 9-11
00:35:09¡No! El 9-11 es lo mejor
00:35:11¡Vengan arriba juntos, Emanuel de Beruá! ¡Vengan!
00:35:21¡Ahora, ahora! ¡Vengan a ver un día! ¡Vengan a ver el 9-11 2012!
00:35:28¿Venís a la isla de Guadalajara?
00:35:31¿Venís al edificio de los Chanchis?
00:35:33¡Ah, perdón!
00:35:34¿Venís al estadio de los Chanchis?
00:35:37¡Mira la imagen de las Estatuas de la Libertad! ¡Así!
00:35:45¿Porque estamos en un aeropuerto?
00:35:47¿No veis que estoy aquí?
00:35:51¡Pues ya no estas aquí!
00:35:53¿Qué es eso?
00:35:54¡Es un avión!
00:35:56¡Esto no es un avión! ¡Eso es un avión!
00:35:59¡Seré una buena hija!
00:36:01¿Una buena hija?
00:36:02¿Una buena hija?
00:36:03¡5, 4, 3, 2, 1!
00:36:06Allison, are you okay?
00:36:08Uh, yeah.
00:36:09You know what?
00:36:10You're a bunch of bastards.
00:36:12You see someone from the Middle East on a plane,
00:36:14and then you assume that a violent attack is planned.
00:36:17Allison Burgers is a persecuted dissident,
00:36:19not a fucking insane murderer.
00:36:21You heard her.
00:36:22We have to get the Lancaster guards out.
00:36:24What do you think?
00:36:25We turned in Lancaster.
00:36:26Exactly.
00:36:27Maybe he was going to go with the guards to buy some cake.
00:36:30That's very stereotyped because I don't like it, but...
00:36:32Oh, sorry, sorry.
00:36:33That's the idea.
00:36:34You...
00:36:35And another thing.
00:36:36Is it a crime that you care about your stuff?
00:36:38Yes.
00:36:39Well, in Guadalajara it is.
00:36:40Where did he take his diversity and sensitivity course?
00:36:42Huh?
00:36:43With the Nazis?
00:36:44Let's see what he thinks of racial prejudices when people talk about...
00:36:48Racial prejudices when people talk about...
00:37:02I'm telling you this because I have a master's degree in philosophy and herbs.
00:37:06Let's go.
00:37:08What?
00:37:09And now where are you going?
00:37:10Don't leave me!
00:37:11Hey, chill out!
00:37:12Just suck the fatu of the biggest guard and you'll get out.
00:37:15The cops are fascists.
00:37:16Yeah, but not in the right way.
00:37:17Oh, you're pissing me off!
00:37:18Oh, that? You're shining with the blues, Mekae.
00:37:21Thank you. It's just that...
00:37:23I don't know, I'm sad that wherever you go in the world,
00:37:26you're a victim of police abuse.
00:37:28I'm... I'm very sad.
00:37:31You feel better now, right?
00:37:33And I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you.
00:37:35Come on, don't get excited. Let's go.
00:37:37Let's go.
00:37:38Hold on, hold on.
00:37:40Okay.
00:37:41Let's go. I have to work.
00:37:42I'm sad!
00:37:45I need another hug.
00:37:46Allison, why are you sad?
00:37:48Because of the brutality.
00:37:50Tell me the truth. Did those bastards rape you?
00:37:51Yeah, and they raped me in a very unprofessional way.
00:37:55Oh, no way. We have to go to the rape center.
00:37:57There's a rape center?
00:37:59Wow, I'd love to go.
00:38:00Maybe one of these days, I don't know,
00:38:02I'll rent a limo with some chupes,
00:38:03I'll wear my raping shoes.
00:38:08It was literally a hell of a ride for a...
00:38:10Look, Supreme Leader is in the talking box.
00:38:13...while he was taking a helicopter ride through Manhattan.
00:38:16This ride was canceled,
00:38:17so the local police, or the misunderstanding terrorist,
00:38:20stopped someone named Salit from the Sonaraj Air Force.
00:38:24Marush, double the security at the hotel.
00:38:27The signature can't be interrupted.
00:38:33Cana, a person from Lancaster will come early tomorrow.
00:38:35Take them down there and get them ready
00:38:37so they look really nice.
00:38:39I want everything to be perfect.
00:38:42So I...
00:38:43Allison, hola.
00:38:44Para agradecerte lo que hiciste hoy por mí en la delegación,
00:38:47decidí venir a darte un regalín.
00:38:49Ay, qué chido.
00:38:50Sí.
00:38:51¿Y qué es?
00:38:58No entiendo. ¿Qué...?
00:39:00¿Qué onda?
00:39:01Tranquila, sírvete.
00:39:04¡Oh!
00:39:05¡No!
00:39:07¡No, no manches!
00:39:08No quiero tocarte.
00:39:09Escucho mucho de esto y no mucho de esto.
00:39:14Allison, entiendo que tienes necesidades, lo sé,
00:39:17pero tendrás que hacerte el favor tú solo.
00:39:20¿El favor? ¿Yo solo? ¿Cómo?
00:39:21Sí, tienes que tocarte solo.
00:39:23Yo no me toco solo. ¿Tú te tocas sola?
00:39:26Creo que mucha gente saludable lo hace, sí.
00:39:28¿Sí? ¿Te tocas tu malaguaje?
00:39:30¡Qué asco!
00:39:33No te burles, ¿sí?
00:39:34Ya, en serio, ¿nunca te has masturbado?
00:39:36Okay, acompáñame.
00:39:37¿A dónde vamos? ¿Al centro de violación?
00:39:43Esto es una jalada.
00:39:44A ver, saca tu pene ahora y ponlo en tus manos.
00:39:49¡Qué cochinada!
00:39:52Ahora mueve tu mano lento hacia arriba y hacia abajo.
00:39:55Okay.
00:39:57Ya te dije que esto es una jalada.
00:39:59¡Ay, güey!
00:40:00¿Qué hechizo es este?
00:40:29¡Lo hice!
00:40:30Le jalé el pescueso al ganso.
00:40:32Lo hice por mi propia cuenta con estos dedos de aquí.
00:40:35Tomé mi billboard como si estrangulara un ave.
00:40:38Lo jalé y lo jalé y le di un jalonsón
00:40:40y salió de pronto mi lavené.
00:40:42¡Soí! ¡Soí!
00:40:44Has cambiado mi vida.
00:40:46Dale un abrazo.
00:40:47¡Dale un abrazo!
00:40:48¡Dale un abrazo!
00:40:49¡Dale un abrazo!
00:40:50¡Dale un abrazo!
00:40:51¡Dale un abrazo!
00:40:52¡Dale un abrazo!
00:40:53¡Dale un abrazo!
00:40:54¡Dale un abrazo!
00:40:55¡Dale un abrazo!
00:40:56¡Dale un abrazo!
00:40:57¡Dale un abrazo!
00:40:59Dale a un hombre una vagina y tendrás espirits por un día.
00:41:02Ensénale a un hombre a usar sus dedos como una vagina
00:41:05y tendrás espirits la vida entera.
00:41:10¿Pasó algo, Soí?
00:41:11Llamó el de Lancaster por teléfono.
00:41:14No se despidieron.
00:41:15¿Qué? ¿Por qué?
00:41:16Dijo que vino aquí y que alguien pateó a su hijo
00:41:18y ... le dará el contrato a Green world Market.
00:41:22Hay que recuperar el contrato.
00:41:24Debo estar ahí.
00:41:25No sé ni qué vestir.
00:41:27The team lacks the discipline and the motivation to do the job.
00:41:31That's to be seen.
00:41:33But from now on, it's my way or the way Hashmi Wahab Mahashmi does it.
00:41:39Okay?
00:41:41There was a change of regime.
00:41:43You, you will take out the shelves.
00:41:46You, decrepit ancestor, will attend the register box.
00:41:50The president of Green World does not drive a hybrid car.
00:41:54The chemists of the Green World products took out the pee in this kid.
00:41:59Warning, the thieves will be processed, no, tortured.
00:42:04Do you promise not to steal again?
00:42:06No, not anymore, not anymore.
00:42:08Put another piece of shit in your grandfather.
00:42:15Warning, the thieves will be kidnapped and the men of his family raped.
00:42:23Sir?
00:42:28No, Edith, don't wait.
00:42:43How can that be?
00:42:54Supreme Tender.
00:42:55Hmm?
00:42:56The radish was washed and cleaned and the hose is already rolled up.
00:42:59Well, go upstairs and finish processing the wheat germ.
00:43:02Did you hear?
00:43:03Yes, Supreme Tender.
00:43:06Sohae!
00:43:08What?
00:43:10Wow!
00:43:12It's really cool.
00:43:13Well, not so cool, it's just not so cool.
00:43:16Ah, yes, well, thank you.
00:43:18Ah, sorry.
00:43:19It's personal.
00:43:21You're welcome.
00:43:22Thank you again.
00:43:24Hello?
00:43:25I have very good news.
00:43:26What's up?
00:43:27That I finally bought a beard in the wig store and it's pure hair.
00:43:30No, Natal, it must be real hair and from the head of a great man like Castro or Gandalf.
00:43:36No.
00:43:38Faye is the leader of the narcos in the 90s.
00:43:40Well done, Natal, with this beard we armed her.
00:43:50Hey, those flowers, if I'm not mistaken,
00:43:53now Zoe has the idea of having an ecological section of flowers in the store.
00:43:57This is the fifth time on the day you mention her.
00:43:59What's wrong with you?
00:44:00The signature is in two days.
00:44:02Tell me you didn't fall in love with that woman.
00:44:04But obviously not.
00:44:05What a drag.
00:44:06What a relief.
00:44:07What you have to do is get close to the chapel.
00:44:09Although the other day I told her that if she sucked my billboard,
00:44:13and she didn't want to, so obviously I wanted to execute her.
00:44:16But when I imagined her without a head, I got mad and I decided not to.
00:44:20No, when the idea of beheading a person bothers you, that's love.
00:44:26I swear I don't like that woman at all.
00:44:28You don't like her?
00:44:29She has the body of a puberty boy.
00:44:31Well, that's a typical weakness of yours.
00:44:35Did you forget the incident with Menudo?
00:44:37Those boys had their eyes open, they knew what they were doing.
00:44:40We forced them to have their eyes open.
00:44:43You made me not open them yet so I could see what you were doing to the others.
00:44:46It looked like they were enjoying themselves.
00:44:48Of course not.
00:44:49They were crying.
00:44:50Three of them committed suicide afterwards.
00:44:52I had nothing to do with it.
00:44:54Of course you had to do with it.
00:44:55Some left notes.
00:44:56In their suicide notes they mentioned you by your name.
00:44:59They're rumors, you idiot.
00:45:05Go.
00:45:06To what I came for.
00:45:13Hello, is anyone there?
00:45:14Natal, the Sub-Saharans found us.
00:45:16What?
00:45:17Hurry, hurry.
00:45:18I'm coming, I'm coming.
00:45:19One moment.
00:45:20Open now.
00:45:21I'm coming.
00:45:22Open the door now.
00:45:23Hey, Plan B, Plan B.
00:45:33Why the fuck didn't you walk?
00:45:34What's Plan B?
00:45:35Plan B was to drink coffee and think about it, not walk, you idiot.
00:45:42Plan B was to drink coffee and think about it, not walk, you idiot.
00:45:48Good morning, Natal.
00:45:50Pity.
00:45:51Good morning, Natal.
00:45:55No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:45:56Take that thing away.
00:45:57You and I always put it together.
00:45:59Do you know that others also put it together?
00:46:01Emily and I, buddy.
00:46:03We're together in perfect harmony.
00:46:05No, no, no, no, no.
00:46:06Get out.
00:46:07Take that mother away.
00:46:08She scares me.
00:46:09Give me a smile.
00:46:13Splish, splash.
00:46:14I will take it apart.
00:46:15No.
00:46:16Take that mother away.
00:46:18Oh, you suck.
00:46:21I added some bay leaves covered in carob.
00:46:23They're delicious.
00:46:24Enjoy them.
00:46:26What a nice young man.
00:46:28You are very attentive.
00:46:30What the fuck did you say?
00:46:33I told you he was attentive.
00:46:39Allison!
00:46:40They called from Lancaster.
00:46:41They hired us again.
00:46:43What a pleasure.
00:46:44Green World will close its store in Manhattan.
00:46:47And what do you think happened?
00:46:51Oh, come on, girl.
00:46:52Stop messing everything up.
00:46:53Right now we're going for an ice cream.
00:46:56Another papachito, yes?
00:47:00The squirrel screams.
00:47:01Oh, yes.
00:47:02Help!
00:47:03Help me!
00:47:04My wife is in labor!
00:47:05What's going on?
00:47:06What's going on?
00:47:07No way.
00:47:08My love, the ambulance will come in 20 minutes.
00:47:09Can you hold on?
00:47:10I can't.
00:47:11They're on their way.
00:47:12They're on their way.
00:47:13Does anyone here have medical knowledge?
00:47:15I was the chief of surgeons in Guadilla for the last 22 years.
00:47:19Please, help us.
00:47:20Allison, help them.
00:47:21Okay, I'll help.
00:47:22Okay.
00:47:23Let's see.
00:47:24There you go.
00:47:27What are you doing?
00:47:28It's the habit.
00:47:29I went with the feeling.
00:47:30Now, there you go.
00:47:33Wrong hole!
00:47:34What?
00:47:35He put his hand in another hole.
00:47:36If they gave me a dollar for every time I hear that.
00:47:40Get the idiot out.
00:47:41There goes the nut.
00:47:42Hey.
00:47:43Hey.
00:47:44It's still in my ass!
00:47:45Hey, what's wrong with you, son?
00:47:46I told you to put it in my ass!
00:47:48It's the one above where you are.
00:47:49Where is it?
00:47:50The good thing is that his prostate is in good condition.
00:47:52Oh, mom.
00:47:53Excellent.
00:47:54It's okay.
00:47:55Now, I did hit him.
00:47:59Hold on.
00:48:02What are you doing?
00:48:03Message from Natal.
00:48:04What are you doing?
00:48:05Allison, don't overdo it.
00:48:06What are you doing?
00:48:07But I'm texting.
00:48:08Oh, Diana!
00:48:14What the hell was that?
00:48:15What?
00:48:20Excuse me, I have to answer this call.
00:48:22No way, is it a phone?
00:48:23What are you doing?
00:48:24I'm in the Lincoln Tunnel.
00:48:26What?
00:48:27Anyway, we have to talk for a moment.
00:48:28Hello, Natal.
00:48:29I can't talk right now.
00:48:30I'll call you later, okay?
00:48:31Bye.
00:48:32I'm pissed off!
00:48:33Stop talking!
00:48:35I'm the BPS of Toro.
00:48:36I need you to put your hand in and help me.
00:48:37What?
00:48:38Come on, put it in!
00:48:39You're going in, Zoe!
00:48:40Put it in!
00:48:41On the right side.
00:48:42Press, Zoe.
00:48:43There you go.
00:48:45I think it's an arm.
00:48:47It's my finger.
00:49:00Excuse me!
00:49:01Fucking pair of assholes.
00:49:02You can keep flirting, but do it when you're out of my mind!
00:49:06Yeah, yeah, sure.
00:49:07Alice, don't abuse him, okay?
00:49:08I've got it in my head.
00:49:09It's coming out!
00:49:10Now push!
00:49:11What are you waiting for?
00:49:12Push!
00:49:14Where are the military bases?
00:49:15Where are the military bases?
00:49:16Oh, man, I lost it.
00:49:18I see the head!
00:49:19I see the head!
00:49:20I'm burning!
00:49:21I can't take it anymore!
00:49:22Good luck!
00:49:25You did it!
00:49:26You did it!
00:49:27You did it!
00:49:36I sentence you to live.
00:49:41You're hurting the cord!
00:49:42Oh, sorry.
00:49:44What happened?
00:49:45What the hell?
00:49:46It's over.
00:49:47What?
00:49:48It's a girl.
00:49:50Where's the trash can?
00:49:51No, no, no, no, no!
00:49:52Get it off me!
00:49:53We wanted that!
00:49:55Here, honey.
00:50:00You were amazing today.
00:50:02You saved a little girl's life.
00:50:13It's so nice to kiss you.
00:50:14I know.
00:50:15And to touch you.
00:50:16And to touch you.
00:50:17I'm feeling good.
00:50:22And Annie Peggs.
00:50:24Lie down.
00:50:25Yeah, get out.
00:50:26Get out.
00:50:41I'll see you in 15 minutes.
00:50:46Get out.
00:50:47Come on!
00:50:54Hey!
00:50:55Wait!
00:50:56Wait!
00:50:57Wait!
00:50:59Allison, before I go any further,
00:51:02there's something I have to tell you.
00:51:04You have chilaquil.
00:51:05I knew it.
00:51:07Allison, no.
00:51:08I don't have chilaquil.
00:51:09Excellent!
00:51:10What I wanted to tell you is this.
00:51:12I'd like to be closer to you.
00:51:14Allison Burgers.
00:51:16I'm...
00:51:19I'm really not Allison Burgers.
00:51:22The truth is, I'm a man named...
00:51:25Admiral General...
00:51:28Aladdin.
00:51:33No, stop.
00:51:34What's your name?
00:51:35This will convince you.
00:51:37I hid it around here.
00:51:38It's me.
00:51:39Look.
00:51:40The weapons inspectors will bathe in their own blood.
00:51:44Is that your beard?
00:51:45No, no, no.
00:51:46It's not my beard.
00:51:47My friend gave Morgan Freeman his neck.
00:51:50You're a thug!
00:51:51No, no, no.
00:51:52It's me.
00:51:53It's me.
00:51:54No.
00:51:55You just wanted to use me to get access to that hotel.
00:51:57No, it's me.
00:51:58You beat me up.
00:51:59In a perverse way.
00:52:01Oh!
00:52:02That sucks!
00:52:04I have to cancel that contract tomorrow.
00:52:06No, it's me.
00:52:07What have I done?
00:52:08You saw my face, you bastard!
00:52:10You're a war criminal and they're looking for you.
00:52:12Who cares about that?
00:52:14I want you to get to him right now.
00:52:17Okay.
00:52:20I'll get to him.
00:52:21I'll get to him.
00:52:51I didn't come.
00:52:55We went far away from the world.
00:52:59I didn't come.
00:53:02I didn't come.
00:53:06Each one of them has a story in their heart.
00:53:11Each one of them has a story in their heart.
00:53:15I'm leaving.
00:53:16Wait, wait!
00:53:17What happened? What happened now?
00:53:21I'm going to kill myself.
00:53:22What? Why?
00:53:23Because no one has ever loved me.
00:53:25Your father would be ashamed of your actions.
00:53:27No, I found out that I don't want to be like my father anymore.
00:53:30In fact, I don't want to be a dictator anymore.
00:53:32What?
00:53:33I embarked on a spiritual journey like eating and praying to the sea.
00:53:37Did you become an idiot?
00:53:38Now I know that on the outside, I'm a gandaya.
00:53:42Uh-huh.
00:53:43But deep down, I'm good.
00:53:45Honestly, no.
00:53:46Yes, I am.
00:53:47I'm like the bathroom.
00:53:48Hard and rough on the outside, but soft and fluffy on the inside.
00:53:52Soft and fluffy, my balls.
00:53:54You're like an onion.
00:53:55You have ten layers of shit around you.
00:53:57And the more you peel, the more layers of shit come out.
00:54:03You're all a schmuck.
00:54:04And now why do you speak Yiddish?
00:54:06Well, I got hit.
00:54:07What do you mean you got hit?
00:54:08Who gets hit by Yiddish?
00:54:09Well, I don't know. I'm in New York.
00:54:10But we tried to erase that nation from the map.
00:54:12I don't give a shit about those people.
00:54:13But I like their language, because it's easier to understand what they're saying.
00:54:16Oh, sorry.
00:54:17I didn't get the invitation to your bar mitzvah.
00:54:19Don't fuck with me.
00:54:20You do have the guts to say that.
00:54:22Oh, when did you think of being a good person?
00:54:25Standing on the edge of a bridge about to commit suicide using some crocs?
00:54:28What's up with my crocs?
00:54:30They're the universal symbol of the fucking loser gringo.
00:54:33Get yourself a sweatshirt and go eat fried chicken for the rest of your days.
00:54:38I look really stupid, if that's true.
00:54:40Yeah.
00:54:41Look, if you don't want to get out of there for yourself, do it for your nation.
00:54:45If that constitution is signed, there will be freedom of the press,
00:54:48women leaders, civil rights.
00:54:50What are the rights?
00:54:51A kiss. I'll tell you later.
00:54:53Look, you're the only one who can stop those horrible things from happening.
00:54:57You're the only great dictator.
00:55:00All the others have left.
00:55:01Gaddafi, Saddam, Kim Jong, Cheney.
00:55:06You're right, Nadal.
00:55:08I will be the best dictator of all, the envy of all the crazy people in the world.
00:55:12Come on, Supreme Leader.
00:55:13From the top of the mountains of North Korea to the jungle of Zimbabwe,
00:55:16every child slave and factory worker shouts,
00:55:20oppression at last, oppression at last.
00:55:23Thanks to Aladina and oppression at last.
00:55:27What are you doing?
00:55:28I'm not doing anything.
00:55:29You're like an abdominal.
00:55:30Wait.
00:55:31Do you know how to do abdominals?
00:55:32I invented them.
00:55:33What?
00:55:37If you have just tuned in, we are in the Lancaster Hotel,
00:55:40where in about 20 minutes, General Aladin will sign the new constitution of Guadia.
00:55:45Dignitaries from all over the world are arriving to witness the creation of a democracy
00:55:50that will undoubtedly change the political landscape of the entire region.
00:55:54What Guadia does, North Africa will do.
00:56:03Egbert Norton, tell amigo Mórtense to prepare his little algae.
00:56:11Ah, gentlemen.
00:56:12Tamir, I'm going to introduce you to my beautiful wife.
00:56:15Mr. Alao, it's a real pleasure.
00:56:17No, don't flatter her, she doesn't understand a damn thing.
00:56:20Look at this.
00:56:21Hey, you filthy rat.
00:56:23She doesn't understand a damn thing.
00:56:25Oh, do you realize?
00:56:27She says, oh, all the time.
00:56:29Look, shaven ape.
00:56:31Oh.
00:56:33Oh.
00:56:54Um.
00:57:04¡A huevo!
00:57:09Bueno, ya, ¿cómo vas?
00:57:10Te cuelgas de esto, te chingas al doble,
00:57:13y luego rompes la constitución frente a los medios de comunicación.
00:57:16Van conmigo.
00:57:17Oh, no, no, no.
00:57:20¡Un era ingeste!
00:57:28No entiendo por qué pasó esto, mis cálculos fueron muy precisos.
00:57:32Si sueltas el sobrepeso, la polea funcionará.
00:57:35¿Traes algo en los bolsillos?
00:57:37No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:57:39No entiendo por qué pasó esto.
00:57:42Mis cálculos fueron muy precisos.
00:57:44If you release the overweight, the pulley will work.
00:57:46Do you have anything in your pockets?
00:57:48Let me check.
00:57:52What is that?
00:57:53It's a bottle of coconut water.
00:57:55Why do you bring a bottle of coconut water?
00:57:56Because it has more potassium than three bananas.
00:57:59It's still a lot of weight.
00:58:00Is there anything else in your pockets that weighs a lot?
00:58:04Don't fuck with me.
00:58:05Why did you bring three bananas?
00:58:07Because I don't trust the advertisers.
00:58:08The bastards are liars.
00:58:11Do you have anything else there?
00:58:12It's not enough yet.
00:58:13Yes, this.
00:58:15A brick?
00:58:16You had it all the time.
00:58:18What for?
00:58:19To balance the weight on the other side.
00:58:21Do you have two bricks?
00:58:22Yes.
00:58:23Throw them in this fucking instant.
00:58:29Oh no, that bastard eats the rope.
00:58:34Do you have to release the overweight now?
00:58:35My pockets are empty.
00:58:37I can shit.
00:58:38That won't make any difference.
00:58:40Of course.
00:58:42Falling from power made me cover myself with a cork.
00:58:49It's out.
00:58:50It's a sharp point.
00:58:52Catch that man.
00:58:55Yes.
00:58:57No, no, no, no.
00:58:59No, no, no, no.
00:59:12No, no, no, no.
00:59:22Supreme Leader!
00:59:27Get out of here before Tamir kills you.
00:59:29Who's Tamir?
00:59:31Tamir, the fucking bald guy who planned all this shit.
00:59:35I thought his name was Dennis.
00:59:38How did you relate the names Tamir and Dennis?
00:59:41They look alike.
00:59:43Well, get out, get out.
00:59:44Come on, Monsi.
00:59:45Run.
00:59:49Just get out.
00:59:50It's not that high.
00:59:52Mefaguat.
00:59:53It's almost time.
00:59:57Ah, Doro Cabras.
01:00:00And I'm really stupid.
01:00:04This is a historic moment.
01:00:06The Admiral General Aladin of Guadilla
01:00:09is about to sign the first democratic constitution in the history of his nation.
01:00:14All over the world, people are glued to their televisions.
01:00:18The people of Guadilla are celebrating what would be a new chapter in their country.
01:00:23There are only a few moments left for the saint to sign the first democratic constitution.
01:00:29This is Tamir Mafrab, Aladin's personal advisor,
01:00:32sharing an emotional moment with Chinese businessman Xiang Lao.
01:00:34Any idea of what they're saying, Mike?
01:00:36I think they pronounced Harvey Keitel's name.
01:00:41I don't know what they meant.
01:00:42Maybe they shared a sausage, I guess?
01:00:45That could be, since he's cleaning the mustard off his face and chest.
01:00:49Oh, sorry.
01:00:50Let me pass, don't be mean.
01:00:52He wants to stop the signing.
01:00:53Tamir is about to speak.
01:00:55Today, we will begin a new era.
01:00:58Guadilla will open to the world.
01:01:01It will open to the future.
01:01:02And it will open to trade.
01:01:04Documents can now be signed, Supreme Leader.
01:01:15What are you doing?
01:01:16This man is an impostor!
01:01:18No! This traitor tried to kill me and cut my beard!
01:01:22Like this!
01:01:24Arrest Tamir's wife!
01:01:26Arrest Tamir's wife!
01:01:28And now, in another impressive turn of events,
01:01:31Tamir Mafrab is being removed.
01:01:33He's being removed?
01:01:35It's a license for oil companies and foreign interests to destroy my beloved Guadilla.
01:01:41Guadilla will continue to be a dictatorship!
01:01:53Do you want to shut up?
01:01:54Hey, gays, why are you so anti-dictators?
01:01:57Imagine if North America was a dictatorship.
01:02:00They could let 1% of the population have all the wealth of the nation.
01:02:05By taking away more taxes, they would help their friends to get rich.
01:02:09And by supporting them like this, when they bet and lose.
01:02:12They would ignore the needs of the poor in terms of health and education.
01:02:16In the media, they would seem free.
01:02:18But in secret, they would be controlled by a person and his family.
01:02:21The phones would intervene.
01:02:22Foreign prisoners would be tortured.
01:02:25Elections would be arranged.
01:02:27They would deceive everyone to go to war.
01:02:30And prisons would be full of specific racial groups.
01:02:33And no one could complain.
01:02:35They could use the media to scare the people.
01:02:38And thus support policies that are against their interests.
01:02:42I know it's hard to imagine for this country.
01:02:45But please try.
01:02:47I'll tell you what democracy is.
01:02:49Democracy is disgusting.
01:02:50Eternal talk and listening to every stupid opinion.
01:02:53And everyone's vote counts.
01:02:55It doesn't matter how lazy or women or black they are.
01:02:59Democracy...
01:03:06Democracy...
01:03:08Has hairy armpits.
01:03:10And some...
01:03:12Other hair.
01:03:14Democracy looks like a hobbit in chemotherapy.
01:03:17Democracy...
01:03:18Democracy kisses you because it loves you.
01:03:21Not because its father is in a room with you.
01:03:23Chained to a radiator with electrodes connected to the nipples.
01:03:27Democracy has flaws.
01:03:29It's not perfect.
01:03:31But democracy...
01:03:36I love you.
01:03:38And that's why I exhort a true democracy.
01:03:41A true constitution.
01:03:43True elections in Guadilla.
01:03:49No!
01:03:51Oh, no!
01:03:53Bastard!
01:04:00Democracy, I'm going to make you one of my wives.
01:04:04Okay, the only wife.
01:04:06To vote.
01:04:08I'll even take my hair off for you.
01:04:10I'll light another candle for her.
01:04:12And please don't use your organic deodorant anymore.
01:04:14With that smell, you'll kill the Kurds.
01:04:16Come here.
01:04:18Come here.
01:04:40You sacrificed yourself for me, Efahwat.
01:04:43Hello!
01:04:45You didn't die?
01:04:46The electrodes in my head are my specialty.
01:04:51Is he okay?
01:04:53He's okay.
01:04:55Good thing the bullet hit his brain.
01:04:57And...
01:04:59And now what?
01:05:01I'll go back to Guadilla to participate in fair elections.
01:05:04Oh, yes!
01:05:13Welcome to Guadilla.
01:05:14Let's remember the wonderful events of the last year.
01:05:17After the first free elections in Guadilla,
01:05:20President and Prime Minister Admiral General Aladdin
01:05:23won 98.8% of the votes.
01:05:27But today's great story is the marriage
01:05:30of President and Prime Minister Admiral General Aladdin
01:05:33and his fiancée Zoe.
01:05:38Now I declare you husband and wife.
01:05:45What did you do, Habibi?
01:05:47Why did you step on that?
01:05:49Of course!
01:05:51It's the tradition of my town.
01:05:53We always break a glass at weddings.
01:05:55I'm Jewish!
01:05:57What?
01:05:59Mazel tov!
01:06:03What's wrong?
01:06:05It's nothing.
01:06:07It's okay.
01:06:09And what's that?
01:06:11Give me a hug.
01:06:15Yay!
01:06:28Yagnun, President and Prime Minister Aladdin.
01:06:30Yagnun!
01:06:32Natal, I must return to the palace in an hour.
01:06:34Zoe thinks I went to yoga.
01:06:36I have good news for you.
01:06:38We're just a few days away from testing the missiles.
01:06:40I've redesigned the oxygenation ducts
01:06:42and the system that carries the load.
01:06:44The missile is now pointy.
01:06:46And what makes it pointy?
01:06:48What?
01:06:50You thought it was pointy?
01:06:52Why would I care about such a trivial detail?
01:06:54Are you serious?
01:06:56Are you serious?
01:06:58Of course I'm serious.
01:07:00That's why you ordered me to kill, you bastard!
01:07:02The shape of the missile has nothing to do with functionality.
01:07:04It's what I told you!
01:07:06I said it the first time!
01:07:08That's what I said, and you went crazy!
01:07:10So now we'll open 300 women's centers,
01:07:11but I'll have to take a little break
01:07:13because I'm going to have a baby.
01:07:15You're going to have a baby?
01:07:17Yes.
01:07:19Good.
01:07:21Are you going to have a boy or an abortion?
01:07:41How are you, gentlemen?
01:07:43Were you friends with the deceased?
01:07:45Do you want me to say this in front of his widow?
01:07:47He was my lover.
01:07:49No, that's not true.
01:07:51I saw him acting with the Globetrotters.
01:07:53He was outstanding.
01:07:55You're shitting me.
01:07:57You're confusing yourself.
01:07:59His message in the lyrics of Don't Worry, Be Happy,
01:08:01moved me.
01:08:03That was Bobby McFarren.
01:08:05I told you outside.
01:08:07Despite the scandal you're in,
01:08:08you'll continue to be the best golfer in the world.
01:08:10Let's go.
01:08:12Okay, we have to rehearse.
01:08:14Drama, drama.
01:08:16Hey, Secretary General, your soldiers are crying.
01:08:18How do I feel?
01:08:20Hey, it wasn't my fault.
01:08:22Look, someone left the gun insurance in Aladdin
01:08:24instead of Aladdin.
01:08:26Look, it's...
01:08:30I'm...
01:08:33What a good head!
01:08:36That's called revenge.
01:08:38It's revenge and it feels luxurious.
01:08:40How did you feel?
01:08:42How did you feel?
01:08:44I prefer it with goats.
01:08:46Where's the supreme leader?
01:08:48No, no.
01:08:50That's revenge.
01:08:52What a bitch.
01:08:57Don't touch me.
01:08:59Don't touch me.
01:09:01You don't have to touch me.
01:09:03When you do it,
01:09:05stay a few millimeters away from touching me.
01:09:06You don't have to touch me.