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00:00Bismillah-ir-Rahman-ir-Rahim, Assalam-o-Alaikum, I welcome you to the program, Qayyum Faqeer.
00:19We have with us, as always, Saif-e-Saswad Ahmed Shah Sahib, a well-known Suhani scholar.
00:25And I keep telling you about our format again and again so that you can gain a better understanding of it.
00:34Send us your questions, your topics, so that we can present them to Shah Sahib.
00:40So, Shah Sahib, Assalam-o-Alaikum.
00:41Walaikum-as-Salam.
00:42The first thing that came to my mind today, and there are many questions related to it, was the love between a mother and a mother.
00:52They say, has it ever happened that the present age has created something that when marriages take place,
01:03it becomes a problem for the girl whether she should accept her motherhood or her career.
01:12And in that, our old concept of motherhood has been lost.
01:18So, please tell us, what should be done when the career is important,
01:24and as a mother, you have to fulfill your responsibilities.
01:31Bismillah-ir-Rahman-ir-Rahim.
01:34There are many things that we have the solution to.
01:40But our thinking is on the premise that we may not be able to implement that solution.
01:55Alhamdulillah, I am a Muslim.
02:01And I try to live my life according to Islam.
02:07And more than that, there is a desire in everyone's heart.
02:11Alhamdulillah, it should be there.
02:16There is a solution to this in Islam.
02:20There are clearly defined areas of responsibility of a husband and a wife.
02:34But we have made our standard of living and our desires such that
02:44if a man is earning and a woman is taking care of the children at home,
02:56then we may not be able to achieve the standard of living that we have imagined.
03:06Because of that, we go there to work.
03:13Secondly, ever since we have got a big expo here,
03:20and that is a blessed thing, a good thing.
03:23It has many benefits.
03:25It has more benefits than losses.
03:27There are many benefits.
03:30One is through the internet.
03:34The whole world is at your fingertips.
03:37You can click and access everything in the world.
03:45It is very convenient.
03:49With Maghrib, we are being influenced very quickly.
03:57Secondly, again, I consider it worthy of praise,
04:03that our foreign visits have increased a lot.
04:09A common man goes abroad for holidays.
04:15The journey itself is a very good education for a person.
04:20Whatever we see there, it also influences us.
04:25So, because of this,
04:28a concept has been caught.
04:31As you have seen, 50% of the population is uneducated.
04:37The educated girls stay at home to earn a living.
04:43It is not like that.
04:46Running a house and taking care of it,
04:50we cannot finish it on such an easy task,
04:55like making handi-roti.
04:58That in itself is a big task, running a house,
05:02taking care of the house.
05:07It is an art.
05:10Along with professional skill,
05:14it is important to be intelligent.
05:18If you want to experience it,
05:21you should run the house.
05:24Or take care of the house, as an experience.
05:28You and I cannot spend two days.
05:32It is a big task.
05:36For a poor woman,
05:39running and taking care of the house is a full-time job.
05:45And to say that she has to study and run the house,
05:51I would like to tell you about knowledge.
05:55We misunderstand education.
05:59As you know, we learn from you.
06:03We learn from you,
06:05that education is different from knowledge.
06:12What does knowledge do to you?
06:17What should it do?
06:21It opens the mind of a person.
06:27We don't loot.
06:29Our educational system
06:32loots the mind of a person.
06:37It doesn't open it.
06:40It is important for the mind to open.
06:44When the mind of a person opens,
06:48it does everything beautifully.
06:53If a girl is educated,
06:56she will run the house beautifully.
07:04She will take care of the house beautifully.
07:08A girl who does not have much education.
07:12Similarly, the education of children is very important.
07:19It is an art in itself.
07:25If I don't have education,
07:29I handle every child in the same way.
07:35Either my motive is the same as it was 50-60 years ago
07:39in our society.
07:42Look at the lion's eye,
07:46or I will walk on it.
07:52If there is no education,
07:54I will keep a distance between the child and the mother.
07:58If there is no education,
08:01I will handle the child's psyche without understanding it.
08:06A child has a nature of resentment.
08:10It is written to react.
08:13The second child is very soft and polite.
08:19He is very kind-hearted.
08:22My third child is highly intelligent.
08:29I cannot handle all three children in the same way.
08:33I cannot raise them in the same way.
08:37If I do,
08:39the children will be brought up.
08:41They will have to grow up.
08:44But they will grow up in the wrong way.
08:47It is the education of the mother
08:50that will teach her
08:53that she has three children of three different natures.
08:59How to handle all the children?
09:03How to do it?
09:05It becomes a great art.
09:08I am a great advocate for the education of the mother.
09:14It is very important for the mother to be highly educated.
09:21The area of responsibility defined by Islam
09:26for the wife and husband
09:30has many benefits.
09:37As far as motherhood is concerned,
09:40it is in the nature of every mother
09:45to love her child.
09:48It is not necessary for a mother to be a human being.
09:52She can be a bird,
09:54a beast.
09:56All of them
09:58are loved here.
10:03Beasts, animals and birds
10:06we experience
10:11that a mother gives her life to save her child.
10:18That is a part of the motherhood.
10:23Motherhood is her natural instinct.
10:27We cannot suppress it.
10:30But when we take away the duties of a mother
10:34other than her natural duties,
10:37as the West did,
10:39very cleverly,
10:42despite being a man,
10:46I always say this very loudly,
10:49that a man is very clever.
10:52In the West,
10:55men
10:56are given equal rights
11:01by giving the slogan of equality.
11:04The responsibilities of a poor woman
11:07are more than their own.
11:12I read somewhere that
11:15in every woman's life
11:17there is a phase
11:19where she has to decide
11:21whether she wants to be a mother
11:23or a successful woman.
11:25In our society,
11:28in some classes,
11:30it is less,
11:32but it has come.
11:34We know some people,
11:36we talk to them,
11:38we are in the media.
11:40Women talk the same way.
11:42This is very dangerous.
11:45You have pointed out
11:47how it is in the West.
11:49But,
11:51it is there,
11:52it is dangerous.
11:55I may not be able to use
11:57such a strong word for it,
11:59but as I said,
12:01our access has become
12:03very easy
12:05and frequent
12:07to the outside world
12:09through the internet,
12:11through personal visits.
12:13Its effect
12:15is natural.
12:18It will have an effect.
12:21However,
12:23it is true
12:25that
12:27if you talk to such women
12:29who are working women,
12:33they are very happy in the beginning.
12:35They feel freedom
12:37that I am independent.
12:39I am starting my own business.
12:42My husband cannot ask me
12:44where I have spent my money.
12:46That happiness is there.
12:47That happiness is there
12:49and
12:52it should be there
12:54because freedom is
12:56everyone's desire.
13:00However,
13:02if you ask these women
13:04when they
13:06enter
13:08their early years,
13:10they realize
13:12that they have made a mistake.
13:14The problem is
13:15that
13:17they get used to freedom
13:19and they cannot go back.
13:21What is the advice?
13:23You will get frustrated.
13:26You will not find
13:28peace in your home
13:30as you should.
13:32You will not be able to
13:34stay away from your husband.
13:36These are all things.
13:38However,
13:40as I said in the beginning,
13:42we will not be able to stop it.
13:43This wave
13:45is coming.
13:47We will not be able to
13:49stop it so easily.
13:51It has to come.
13:53So,
13:55if you think
13:57that it has to happen,
13:59then
14:01let it happen.
14:03And
14:05when
14:07you go to Europe
14:09or
14:11America
14:14especially in Europe,
14:18you will see that
14:20after retirement,
14:22both men and women
14:24are
14:25talking to themselves
14:27and
14:29going on footpaths.
14:32The feeling of loneliness
14:34becomes so intense
14:37when you live alone.
14:40You cannot live together
14:41because you are not used to it.
14:43And you cannot tolerate loneliness.
14:45As a result,
14:47you are talking to yourself.
14:51You will find such advertisements
14:53in the West.
14:56My daughter
14:58gave birth
15:00to two male boys
15:02and two female boys.
15:05Two girls and two boys.
15:08For the first time,
15:09when a man reads an advertisement,
15:11he gets worried.
15:13So, if you look at it carefully,
15:15you will find that
15:18their pet
15:20gave birth to the children
15:22they advertised.
15:24Or
15:26there is an application in the office
15:28that my daughter is sick
15:30and I have to take her to the hospital.
15:33Or
15:35you will find such examples
15:37in the UK
15:39that
15:41my baby died
15:44and I am in depression
15:46and I cannot work for 10 days.
15:51This attachment
15:53to take care of your pet
15:55is the result
15:57of loneliness.
16:04This is because
16:06you cannot live in a joint family.
16:07You are alone.
16:09Your husband is out of work.
16:12In the morning,
16:14there is a commotion in the house.
16:16The husband is getting ready
16:18and the wife is getting ready.
16:20While running,
16:22he bought breakfast from McDonald's.
16:24He is having breakfast
16:26in the underground.
16:29He reached the office
16:31from morning to evening.
16:33When he came in the evening,
16:35he brought his dinner with him.
16:37As soon as he came in,
16:39there was a commotion on the sofa.
16:41He started watching TV.
16:43There is no connection with each other.
16:46So, the feeling of loneliness
16:50kills a person.
16:53So, there are
16:55bad habits
16:57in the family.
17:00It also happens with children
17:02that we are not able to give them time.
17:04When they are young,
17:05we take care of them.
17:09There are clubs
17:11in the school
17:13where after school hours,
17:15the working mothers
17:17take care of the children.
17:20When they return from office,
17:22we pick them up
17:24and bring them home.
17:26The sense of
17:28association
17:30that a child should have
17:32does not develop.
17:36These are
17:38the side effects of loneliness.
17:40In Switzerland,
17:42there is a job crisis.
17:44When you live there,
17:46you also make friends.
17:48Frankly,
17:50people try
17:52not to question
17:54their personal lives.
17:56There was a woman
17:58called Isabelle.
18:00She was from Holland.
18:02She was married
18:03and had no children.
18:05I asked her
18:07that a woman
18:09has a great desire
18:11to be loved.
18:13Don't you ever want
18:15to have children?
18:17She said,
18:19once I wanted to have children.
18:21I brought my brother's child
18:23and he stayed with me for two hours.
18:25I was satisfied
18:27and I left him.
18:29I asked her
18:31if she felt lonely.
18:33She said,
18:35she felt lonely.
18:37I asked her
18:39if she had
18:41a father.
18:43She said,
18:45she had a father.
18:47I asked her
18:49whether she was lonely
18:51in Switzerland.
18:53She said,
18:55she did not feel lonely.
18:57She said,
18:59she was lonely
19:01in Switzerland.
19:03Life has become like this in Europe or even in America.
19:14Until both of you don't earn, life cannot be successful.
19:19I am talking about the income of one person.
19:25If you depend on one person's income,
19:2880% of your earning goes to rent.
19:3480% of your income goes to accommodation.
19:40The remaining 20% goes to your take-home salary.
19:46You have to fulfill all the other requirements in the remaining 20%.
19:53This cannot happen.
19:56The result is that you have to earn with your wife.
20:05These economic constraints overpower everything.
20:13You gave me the example of your colleague.
20:20He said that he brought his brother's child for two hours and was satisfied.
20:24I was saying the same thing.
20:29The habit of being alone develops.
20:34You cannot tolerate anyone's presence around you.
20:39Without realizing the effects of this on our psyche.
20:48Where are we going?
20:51Until a person does not retire,
20:55from morning to evening,
20:57I was saying the same thing.
21:00When you reach home in the evening after work,
21:06people stare at you like lemons,
21:10who are giving you salary.
21:12There is no working condition like ours.
21:15People stare at you like lemons.
21:20When you reach home in the evening,
21:23you don't feel tired at all.
21:25Those who bought dinner on the way,
21:29ate it quickly,
21:31watched TV for half an hour,
21:34listened to the news,
21:36and went to sleep.
21:38In the morning, you have to reach the station or bus stop.
21:47So that you don't get late for work.
21:51You don't realize where you are going.
21:59You realize that when a person retires and sits at home.
22:04Then those things develop,
22:08which I said.
22:10When you are old, people will talk to you on the road.
22:18They will talk to their pets.
22:23When you go to a shop,
22:26you must have seen it,
22:28I have seen it many times.
22:31Unnecessarily,
22:33they try to talk to shopkeepers.
22:38When you pass by a shop,
22:40you say something to the shopkeeper,
22:42hoping that he will stand up and talk to you.
22:45That time is very difficult.
22:49In our society,
22:51Alhamdulillah,
22:53where there is a negative side of it,
22:56the joint family system,
22:58this was Pfizer,
23:00that we don't become mental patients.
23:05In our society, life is generally good.
23:08In terms of spirituality,
23:11what we saw in our childhood,
23:15when we were very young,
23:17that our mother,
23:19in her youth,
23:24had a fracture in her leg.
23:26There was not much treatment at that time.
23:28She used to have a lot of pain.
23:30Whenever she had pain, she used to say,
23:32give me a massage.
23:33When we used to give her a massage,
23:35she used to tell us stories about the Prophet.
23:45I think those voices,
23:47those things,
23:48those words,
23:50have had a lot of impact on us.
23:52So our spiritual training has progressed further.
23:56Now the child whose brain
23:58has American and British voices,
24:02how has his spiritual training progressed?
24:05He had an institution within him,
24:08which you are talking about,
24:12that he is massaging his parents' legs,
24:15he is massaging their shoulders.
24:18The stories that were told,
24:21had a lot of impact on him.
24:26First of all,
24:28there was a lot of love hidden in the voice,
24:33which would win over everyone.
24:38The beast living in the jungle,
24:42love affects that wild beast as well.
24:48The force behind that voice,
24:52that love,
24:53that a mother has in her heart for her child,
24:57that force of love,
24:59would make the words have a lot of impact.
25:05And then there would be an interesting guard,
25:08instead of advice,
25:10she would talk in a very beautiful way.
25:16Be it a mother,
25:17be it a grandmother,
25:18be it a grandmother.
25:20The way a person was brought up,
25:24those things were imprinted in the mind.
25:27When they were imprinted in the mind,
25:30they would drive our behavior.
25:33You can call it spiritual training,
25:35you can give it a few names.
25:38But that institution is now gradually over.
25:44Now we sit in front of the TV,
25:47spend time on the bed and go to sleep.
25:51That institution is no longer there.
25:53And this is the reason
25:55that there has been a change in our social behavior.
26:00And maybe they need to be corrected.
26:04Now it has become increasingly important
26:07that instead of raising children,
26:09parents should be trained
26:11on how to handle children.
26:15If you look at it carefully,
26:18they have an obsession
26:20that their child should get 999 marks out of 1000
26:28so that it becomes easier for him to get admission.
26:32That is an obsession in parents
26:35to get maximum marks.
26:37Under that obsession,
26:40we keep scolding the child,
26:43telling him to study, study, study.
26:47That keeps the child away from education.
26:52On the other hand,
26:55your child is very intelligent.
27:00He does not study.
27:03Now you do not have to worry.
27:06You are going to different places,
27:09consulting different people
27:12and your child does not study.
27:17In reality, he is very intelligent.
27:22But an average child
27:27who studies in 2 hours and memorizes,
27:30he can do it in 10 minutes.
27:33If he sees something, he will remember it.
27:37If he sees something,
27:40he understands it.
27:44By the way,
27:46while learning,
27:48it is not important
27:50what you remember.
27:52What is important is
27:54how much you understand.
27:57What you remember
27:59will become important in some time.
28:04What you understand
28:06is something you will remember for the rest of your life.
28:10In fact,
28:12you apply it in your practical life.
28:16It is more important to understand things
28:19than to remember them.
28:21Your child is intelligent.
28:25He has outstanding intelligence.
28:30He understands things in a moment.
28:34You will have to deal with a lot of people in your life.
28:38If you want to say something,
28:41if you utter the first word,
28:43they will complete your sentence.
28:46Or they will answer your question.
28:49If you keep quiet,
28:51they will ask you to listen to them
28:54before answering them.
28:57They are very intelligent people
29:00who have this attitude.
29:02They don't need to listen to you.
29:06If you utter one or two words,
29:09they will understand.
29:11If you say something,
29:13they will answer you.
29:15They are very intelligent people.
29:21Once,
29:23we were students.
29:25It is an old story.
29:27Teachers used to teach us
29:31Shakespeare.
29:35Teachers were teaching us
29:38especially at the college level,
29:44that you should learn to say
29:48ten sentences in one sentence.
29:57For that,
29:59you need a lot of knowledge.
30:05You need to be highly intelligent.
30:10In the same way,
30:12according to Shakespeare,
30:14it is the most difficult thing
30:16to write in an easy language.
30:19There was a reference that
30:22writing briefly is an art.
30:25Our intelligent students
30:27are naturally doing this.
30:31We snub them for everything.
30:35We scold them.
30:38At times,
30:40because we are Punjabi,
30:42our hands work more than our tongue.
30:45So, we scold them.
30:49But,
30:51we complain.
30:53A while ago,
30:55it was said that
30:57a well-educated mother
30:59will handle her children
31:01in a different way.
31:05We curb their intelligence.
31:09We destroy it completely
31:12by scolding them.
31:17Another thing is that
31:19our behavior is very wrong.
31:22It is very wrong.
31:25When I was a child,
31:27I wanted to become a doctor.
31:33I got a small shop
31:35on the side of the road.
31:38When my son is born,
31:40I will try to fulfill
31:42my desire through him.
31:44His aptitude
31:47is a natural knack
31:49for engineering.
31:51At a young age,
31:53he opens toys
31:55and reassembles them.
31:57But,
31:59as I could not become a doctor,
32:02I will beat my son
32:04and send him to a doctor.
32:06The result is that
32:08his God-gifted talent
32:10will not be exploited
32:12for the rest of his life.
32:14We must change
32:16the system of education
32:18and the way
32:20we educate our children.
32:44www.kahafakir.org