Subspecies_V_Bloodrise_Horror

  • 7 hours ago
Hollywood Movie,
Stolen by crusaders on the night of his birth, he has no knowledge of his bloodline: his mother is a demon; his father is a vampire.
*
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Transcript
00:00:00Cat, please tell me you're not incarcerated.
00:00:03Not yet, but it's a distinct possibility.
00:00:06The lifeguard's still here, and there's a stupid no-ban sign.
00:00:11Oh, no. Disaster. Mission abort.
00:00:14This is a finely-tuned precision operation. No abortion. Distract him with your feminine charms, dude.
00:00:19Oh, God. Even his muscles have muscles.
00:00:22Alright, I've got to go pick up Cora. I believe in you, Cat.
00:00:30I've been staring at them now, and I'm stopping so many.
00:00:39Cora! Wow, you look absolutely electrifying.
00:00:44Oh, God, do you mean my hair? I usually blow it out, but I just could not be bothered tonight.
00:00:50Oh, well, you look great. Natural curls.
00:00:54I mean, you electrify the atoms and neutrinos, like, between us.
00:00:59Like, I can feel it across time and space. You just give everything a positive charge.
00:01:05Are you rolling? What?
00:01:07Are you on molly? Oh. I want some.
00:01:10Um, no, no. I'm on a natural high just from being with you.
00:01:17Um...
00:01:26Thanks.
00:01:30Yeah.
00:01:50Okay, okay, cough it out. There you go. Cough it out. Okay.
00:01:54Oh, God. There you go.
00:01:56Okay.
00:02:04Take a deep breath. Breathe. How many fingers am I holding up?
00:02:10Eight.
00:02:16Alright, let's see if you can try and stand up.
00:02:20Want me to call your parents or something?
00:02:22No, I'm good. Thank you. Thanks for the rescue.
00:02:28Are there dolphins in Malibu?
00:02:30Yes.
00:02:31Dolphins are my spirit animal.
00:02:33Oh, really? Mine's an aardvark.
00:02:35Do they eat ants?
00:02:37Stop. Alright. I'm dying of blindfold.
00:02:42Dude, uh, I mean, I'm usually down, but, um...
00:02:45Oh, oh, oh, no, no, no, no. This isn't a sexy thing. It's a surprise, I promise, okay?
00:02:50Okay, just strap this on, and yelp if it gets too tight.
00:02:55Ah! I'm kidding.
00:02:57Oh, okay.
00:03:01We're almost there, okay?
00:03:03Really close.
00:03:05I'm so excited.
00:03:07I know, me too.
00:03:09Alright, so, okay, step right here.
00:03:11You can take your blindfold off now.
00:03:14Ah!
00:03:20Oh, my God!
00:03:22Oh, Sy!
00:03:26Oh, wow, this is a really great promposal, dude.
00:03:30Oh, wow, I'm... I'm flattered. I really am.
00:03:34Try it.
00:03:43Maybe.
00:03:46Oh, okay.
00:03:50When I imagine my perfect magical prom night,
00:03:54a night that I'm going to remember for the rest of my life,
00:03:57I just... I just can't imagine you going down on me.
00:04:02It's a special night.
00:04:05And I've just always imagined it ending with a ladyhead.
00:04:10I mean, we wouldn't have to...
00:04:12Oh, no, we'd have to.
00:04:14It's a very important part of my prom fantasy.
00:04:16I'm sorry.
00:04:18You'll find a girl that you're right for.
00:04:22I'll call an Uber.
00:04:25Sy, what are you doing? You have to get up.
00:04:28I'm sick.
00:04:30Whatever excuse seems the most believable.
00:04:33You think it's terminal?
00:04:35Hey, you masturbating?
00:04:38Oh, God, no.
00:04:40Leave him alone.
00:04:42I don't think his date went very well.
00:04:44I know.
00:04:46I know.
00:04:48I know.
00:04:50I know.
00:04:52Leave him alone.
00:04:54I don't think his date went very well.
00:04:56Oh, women, huh?
00:04:58Yeah, I was going to say.
00:05:00You know what I don't understand?
00:05:02How could someone not fall, like, totally head over heels,
00:05:05like, madly in love with my extraordinary, handsome,
00:05:08amazing, smart son?
00:05:10She said she couldn't go with me
00:05:12because she couldn't imagine me going down on her.
00:05:14Oh?
00:05:16Well, is oral sex this year's prom theme?
00:05:21Oh, come on, come on.
00:05:23You have to admit it's a very important aspect of lovemaking.
00:05:26Mom.
00:05:28I mean, it's true. It really is.
00:05:30Why? What, are you going to be all Puritan on me?
00:05:32I mean, my gosh, grow a pair
00:05:34so we can actually converse like adults, right?
00:05:36And enjoy talking about the very important act
00:05:39of just human sexuality.
00:05:41What? I mean, honestly, sweetie,
00:05:43if I could not appreciate that actual experience with you,
00:05:45I don't know what I would do.
00:05:47Oh, God, make it stop.
00:05:49Cy, look at me.
00:05:51You are the most interesting, kind, caring kid
00:05:54I've ever given birth to, and if she can't see that,
00:05:56well, then she's a total idiot.
00:05:58Well, I'm the only kid you've ever given birth to.
00:06:00All right, don't mince words with me, young man.
00:06:02Oh, yeah, speaking of smarty pants...
00:06:05Open it!
00:06:07Yeah, I will.
00:06:09Come on.
00:06:11Well, I mean, it just says that I've gotten all As.
00:06:14Yay!
00:06:17Okay, all right.
00:06:19We're so proud of you.
00:06:21Thanks.
00:06:23So, you know how, like, you said
00:06:25that if I got straight As,
00:06:27you'd give me anything I wanted, right?
00:06:29Yeah, not like a pony, but, yeah.
00:06:31It's not a pony.
00:06:33Well, because, like, I have been, like, putting thought into this.
00:06:35Like, I'm spending hours and hours
00:06:37contemplating what I want, and I...
00:06:39Well, this is what I want.
00:06:42I'd have to do a few procedures first, and then...
00:06:44What is it, cosmetic surgery? Is this a joke?
00:06:46Why would you want to do this?
00:06:48Why do you think? It's because I'm hideous.
00:06:50What? What are you talking about?
00:06:52I'm disgusting.
00:06:54Honey, you are just extraordinary and amazing.
00:06:56What are you... What... I don't understand.
00:06:58You're so unique. I don't...
00:07:00This doesn't make any sense.
00:07:02Look at me. My mouth is too small for my face.
00:07:04My nostrils are asymmetrical.
00:07:06I've got one eye that's, like, way bigger than the other.
00:07:08My face is ugly.
00:07:10This is not happening. No, no, absolutely not.
00:07:12Wait. No, no!
00:07:14All right, it's Kat.
00:07:16I've got to get dressed.
00:07:18Can you please...
00:07:20He gets this from you, you know.
00:07:22No, I think he gets it from the anonymous donor.
00:07:24It's always the anonymous donor. It's always him.
00:07:26It's not your perfectionism.
00:07:28Please tell Kat I said hello, or this is crazy.
00:07:30All right, I will.
00:07:32Don't ever show me that or go to that place again.
00:07:34Hurry up! Hurry up!
00:07:36Can you please close the door?
00:07:38You're gonna be fine.
00:07:40You kind of just turned her into this, like,
00:07:42sexy, unattainable archetype.
00:07:44I loved her.
00:07:46No.
00:07:48No, you didn't.
00:07:50She's dead to me now.
00:07:52But you didn't even know her.
00:07:56I feel like my organs are being ripped
00:07:58through my orifices.
00:08:00No, the small ones, like my urethra.
00:08:02Oh, gross!
00:08:04Yeah, no, that's how I feel right now.
00:08:06Okay, well,
00:08:08I need your lungs to help me practice
00:08:10for my audition, so...
00:08:12Well, let's go.
00:08:14It doesn't matter
00:08:16how lazy, stupid,
00:08:18or uncultured you are.
00:08:20It's like, if you have a pretty face,
00:08:22people love you.
00:08:24For example,
00:08:26Chris Newton.
00:08:32What's up?
00:08:34Just make sure you get my tricep on this one.
00:08:36That's it, it's divine.
00:08:52Hiya!
00:09:00You so dreamy.
00:09:02I do.
00:09:06Oh, my God, that was totally
00:09:08tyrannic. You meant that.
00:09:10No, no, no, only in my deepest reptilian
00:09:12brain. Your reptilian brain
00:09:14is disgusting.
00:09:16Wait, oh,
00:09:18my God, you're jelly.
00:09:20No, I'm not, that's my prostate. Yeah, you are.
00:09:22You're the
00:09:24boner dude that Cora Davidson said that she
00:09:26would puke if he ate her peach. What?
00:09:28Peach? Wait, she didn't say that.
00:09:30Rad boner, though, dude.
00:09:32Ow.
00:09:38I'm sorry. What?
00:09:40When I imagine my perfect,
00:09:42surrealistic home night,
00:09:44a night that I'm going to remember for the rest
00:09:46of my life, I just can't imagine
00:09:48you going down on me.
00:09:50We wouldn't have to. Oh, no,
00:09:52they'd have to. What asshole
00:09:54troll posted this?
00:09:56You'll find a girl...
00:10:00Well, it's kind
00:10:02of an involuntary reflex,
00:10:04right? I mean, you can't control
00:10:06what pops up.
00:10:08Well, I
00:10:10don't think you're leaving the regime, but I mean, it's
00:10:12some... I don't have that
00:10:14much experience with, like,
00:10:16the meditations, but...
00:10:18Or any experience at all, but I don't
00:10:20feel
00:10:22bad about it. She's a bitch in the Matrix.
00:10:24Oh, boy.
00:10:26Oh, my God, I'm in hell. I feel like I'm gonna
00:10:28puke up my entire soul.
00:10:30Your entire soul?
00:10:32Oh, my God!
00:10:34Dude, it's the... What's the fucking
00:10:36monitor? Dude, kick his ass.
00:10:38Right now. Go! Go!
00:10:40Oh, my God!
00:10:42Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
00:10:44What the hell?
00:10:46Get off me!
00:10:48What are you doing?
00:10:50You're the king!
00:10:52We're dancing!
00:10:54Post it, bro!
00:10:56Can you stop acting like an effing idiot,
00:10:58please? Thank you.
00:11:00Just, you know, up your medication,
00:11:02do Pilates or something. I don't know.
00:11:04Have a lovely time in detention.
00:11:06And you, Mr. Newton,
00:11:08what's with your stupid karate
00:11:10jumping videos?
00:11:14Bro, if I would've gotten suspended,
00:11:16my mom would've lost her shit.
00:11:18Yeah, I'm sorry. I kinda lost my shit.
00:11:20Dude, you got anger issues, man.
00:11:22You need to check that shit out. Yeah, how about you try getting
00:11:24a video of you passed around?
00:11:26Of you getting royally dissed while having an erection.
00:11:28That's no big deal, bro. Rock the sconch.
00:11:30Sconch? Yeah.
00:11:32Bonertown, bro.
00:11:34Shit.
00:11:38Oh, got a fly sign.
00:11:40Oh, shit.
00:11:42Fly sign.
00:11:44He sees the girl, the pee-pee gets high.
00:11:54I saw your video.
00:11:56Okay, it's not mine.
00:11:58And also, why do people think
00:12:00it's, like, okay to come up to me and tell me
00:12:02that they've seen something super private and totally
00:12:04mortifying, and also,
00:12:06it's just a stupid erection,
00:12:08okay? Like, so, come on,
00:12:10who doesn't get one?
00:12:12Shh.
00:12:14Okay.
00:12:16Okay.
00:12:18Okay.
00:12:20Okay.
00:12:22Shh.
00:12:26I-I don't
00:12:28get them.
00:12:30I mean, I guess there's, like, such thing as a lady boner, but...
00:12:36I'm sorry.
00:12:38Been a long day. I'm Sy.
00:12:40I'm Roxy, and, uh,
00:12:42I'm sorry. I probably came off like
00:12:44such a dick just now.
00:12:46You're new, right?
00:12:48It's my first day.
00:12:50Wow. Super auspicious start.
00:12:52Nice job landing in detention
00:12:54on day one.
00:12:56Seriously, you're my hero.
00:12:58Oh, well, I saw you jump on that gorilla.
00:13:00Why'd they throw
00:13:02you in here? I was ranting
00:13:04about 1984 being an inherently sexist
00:13:06text. I guess that that was,
00:13:08uh, disruptive,
00:13:10so they tossed me in the school log.
00:13:121984 is sexist?
00:13:14Yeah. Look.
00:13:16You ready?
00:13:18The improvement
00:13:20in her appearance was startling. With just a few
00:13:22dabs of color in the right places, she'd
00:13:24become not only very much prettier,
00:13:26but above all, far more feminine.
00:13:28He's saying that we
00:13:30need capitalism because it allows,
00:13:32even encourages, women to paint their faces
00:13:34to be more desirable than men.
00:13:36In fact, like, he's saying that that's what
00:13:38makes them women.
00:13:40It's a great book in many ways,
00:13:42but let's just be conscious of
00:13:44inherent gender bias.
00:13:46Wow.
00:13:52This really sucks.
00:13:54Do you realize this is gonna be on here until the
00:13:56internet breaks?
00:14:00It's up to, um,
00:14:02$232,000.
00:14:16What are you
00:14:18still doing here? Oh, well, it's
00:14:20always so depressing when you get released from jail
00:14:22and, like, no one's there to meet you.
00:14:24I hate that.
00:14:26Hi.
00:14:28I, uh, you guys are
00:14:30so, like, like the...
00:14:32I am Roxy.
00:14:34Hi. Nice to meet you.
00:14:36I am Kat.
00:14:38I like what you're wearing. I like your skirt.
00:14:40Oh, thank you. I made it myself.
00:14:42Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:14:44I made this, too.
00:14:48All my clothes are made by Bangladeshi children.
00:14:52Okay.
00:14:54Alright. I'll see you guys later.
00:14:56It was nice to meet you.
00:14:58My lady. Thank you.
00:15:00That those are for me,
00:15:02but okay.
00:15:08You could've offered her a ride.
00:15:10I'm already enough of a pariah.
00:15:12There's my soft drink.
00:15:32Ooh!
00:15:34Frosty!
00:15:38I see.
00:15:42I see.
00:16:02Hello.
00:16:04My magical skateboard never lets me down.
00:16:06Oh.
00:16:08Just led me straight to you.
00:16:10Just in that Spanish class.
00:16:12That's cool.
00:16:14Hi-ya!
00:16:16Right?
00:16:18I'm the guy.
00:16:20I'm the guy from the videos. I do the hi-ya videos.
00:16:22I know. You have to have seen the videos.
00:16:24No, I don't. I've never seen the videos.
00:16:26Oh, I'm sorry. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:16:28Oh, shit.
00:16:30You okay? Yeah, I just hit my face.
00:16:32I think you might need
00:16:34to nurse me back to health. Oh, yeah?
00:16:36Yeah. Well, um, maybe,
00:16:38maybe your comrades could babysit you.
00:16:40Listen.
00:16:42The only baby here is you, babe.
00:16:44That's in the
00:16:46hey, baby, you're a babe way.
00:16:48Ow.
00:16:50You are a babe.
00:16:52Ow. That was, um... Smooth.
00:16:54That was really smooth, Saint Chris. Uh-huh.
00:16:56Yeah. What bad 90s song was that?
00:16:58It's not. It's an old me.
00:17:02What else you got?
00:17:04Um...
00:17:06I'm, uh...
00:17:08You should expand your repertoire, dude.
00:17:10Don't bounce yet. Don't bounce.
00:17:12Okay, give me one reason.
00:17:14I want to do a 720 gazelle flip for you to watch.
00:17:16Look, Chris, I'm not trying to be an ass.
00:17:18Just wait, just wait, just wait. Watch, watch, watch.
00:17:36Ow.
00:17:38Pretty dope, huh?
00:17:40That was, um...
00:17:42Pretty cool, huh?
00:17:44That was really impressive.
00:17:46You sure you haven't seen any of my videos?
00:17:48I haven't.
00:17:50Some of them average like 250,000 views.
00:17:52That's like a million people.
00:17:54That is like a million people.
00:17:56That's rad. Yeah, you should probably, um...
00:17:58You have to have heard of me.
00:18:00Let me crunch your numbers, though, man.
00:18:02Let me take you out. We could, I don't know,
00:18:04bowl or some shit?
00:18:06Bowl or some shit? Huh?
00:18:08You bowl? Um, no.
00:18:10Look, you seem like a, uh...
00:18:12a really swell guy,
00:18:14but I'm just not interested.
00:18:16Interested in me?
00:18:18Yes.
00:18:20What are you interested in?
00:18:22Um, art, reading,
00:18:24women's rights.
00:18:26I'm actually trying to get into a good college
00:18:28so I can make this like a less shitty planet.
00:18:30I mean,
00:18:32I like planets, too. Like, I don't want a shitty planet.
00:18:34Right.
00:18:36I'm...
00:18:42Hello?
00:18:44I spent a summer building houses in Vietnam for poor people.
00:18:48Oh, shit.
00:18:50Oh, shit.
00:18:52Shit, shit, shit.
00:18:54Shit, shit, shit.
00:18:56Shit.
00:19:00She said no, bro.
00:19:04You wanna... you wanna hug?
00:19:06No, I don't wanna hug.
00:19:08We're at a skate park, man.
00:19:10What are you thinking?
00:19:16All right, fine, bro.
00:19:18Oh, easy.
00:19:26Oh, shit.
00:19:56Oh, shit.
00:20:26Oh, shit.
00:20:56Oh, shit.
00:20:58Oh, shit.
00:21:00Oh, shit.
00:21:02Oh, shit.
00:21:04Oh, shit.
00:21:06Oh, shit.
00:21:08Oh, shit.
00:21:10Oh, shit.
00:21:12Oh, shit.
00:21:14Oh, shit.
00:21:16Oh, shit.
00:21:18Oh, shit.
00:21:20Oh, shit.
00:21:22Oh, shit.
00:21:24Help.
00:21:46Bro, bro, I totally shut down your sexy night-time.
00:21:48No, you didn't, Nathan.
00:21:50I did yet you got the music going...
00:21:52You got the shirt off.
00:21:53And I see it.
00:21:54Hey, boys, do you want some couscous?
00:21:57No, it's gross, Mom.
00:21:59OK, thank you.
00:22:00You can go now.
00:22:01All right, privacy time.
00:22:02Have fun, friends.
00:22:03Have fun.
00:22:04Have a great night.
00:22:05OK.
00:22:06Dude, two moms?
00:22:07Those are your moms?
00:22:08What?
00:22:10No way.
00:22:11I mean, that's totally fine.
00:22:13Like, it's cool.
00:22:13Oh, you know, I'll tell them that you're cool with it.
00:22:15Cool.
00:22:16Cool.
00:22:16Hey, if you don't mind me asking, who's the man?
00:22:19There is no man, dumbass.
00:22:21That's the point.
00:22:24Right, right.
00:22:25Um, bro, you're, like, into, like, art and culture and stuff?
00:22:30And stuff?
00:22:31Do you think we could go for a walk or something, man?
00:22:33I'm getting all twitchy.
00:22:37Bro, I'm super into her.
00:22:39She's into art and books and shit.
00:22:42She should date me, then.
00:22:43Bingo, dude.
00:22:44I just have to look like I'm into art and culture.
00:22:47So what if I get a smart artsy dude to run my social media
00:22:50so it looks like I'm down with that shit?
00:22:52You want me to be you online?
00:22:54Yes, bro.
00:22:55You blow her away with how dope my brain is,
00:22:58I swoop in IRL and feel the view, all right?
00:23:02I mean, we both do what we're gifted at, all right?
00:23:04You've got the brains.
00:23:05I got the endless charm.
00:23:10Dude, you've seen too many movies.
00:23:13IRL, this kind of thing never works out.
00:23:19What's this?
00:23:20My offer.
00:23:22Why are there so many zeros?
00:23:25What can I say, bro?
00:23:26You know what's out there.
00:23:28Sheer lameness, all right?
00:23:30They want more.
00:23:31They're digging my hi-yah.
00:23:34What's a hi-yah?
00:23:36Woo-hoo-hoo!
00:23:37You were ready for that, were you?
00:23:38Jesus fuck.
00:23:42Whatever, bro.
00:23:43Let me know if you change your mind.
00:23:50Shit!
00:23:54Shit!
00:24:10Fuck.
00:24:15Say hello to your new digital self.
00:24:18So we're going to do this social platform by social platform.
00:24:21By the time we're done, Roxy is going to be all over you, OK?
00:24:25Make me nerdy, daddy.
00:24:27So first, we're going to have you follow people
00:24:29who make you look smart.
00:24:31Who do you follow right now?
00:24:33Rob Gronkowski, Kanye, Bruce Lee, for obvious reasons.
00:24:38What's up?
00:24:40My bros and my little sister.
00:24:43She's super woke for being six, bro.
00:24:45OK.
00:24:46From now on, we'll have you follow scientists
00:24:49like Neil deGrasse Tyson, Stephen Hawking, Jane Goodall,
00:24:54philosophers and activists like Cornel West, Slavoj Zizek,
00:24:58and Lena Dunham for some of their late feminism.
00:25:02Sorry.
00:25:03You'll also be following celebrated writers
00:25:05like Joan Didion, Roxane Gay.
00:25:09You said gay, bro.
00:25:10Ooh!
00:25:16The noblest pleasure is the joy of understanding.
00:25:19Leonardo da Vinci.
00:25:21Damn, bro.
00:25:23That's why he won the Oscar.
00:25:26All right, let's both pick a view at an exhibit
00:25:28at an art museum, all right?
00:25:29Let's do it, bro.
00:25:30You're a high tech, bro.
00:25:33Hey, that Vietnam thing I did?
00:25:34I actually did that.
00:25:35So smile.
00:25:36OK.
00:25:40How's the bicep, bro?
00:25:42Shadows?
00:25:44Huh?
00:25:45Mm-hmm.
00:25:46All right, now let's put you in the Louvre.
00:25:49OK.
00:25:50Looking at art.
00:25:51Looking at the Mona Lisa.
00:25:53Check it out.
00:25:54You're in the Uffizi Gallery now.
00:25:57Yep, that's a real Uffizi face.
00:25:59Island city.
00:26:02No, no, no, no.
00:26:03Dude, we got to do these again.
00:26:04Look at my chin.
00:26:06Higher angles.
00:26:06All right.
00:26:07OK, all right, OK, all right, all right, all right.
00:26:11All right.
00:26:12Hello.
00:26:13Hello.
00:26:14Um, do you need to get that?
00:26:16Yeah, dude, hold on.
00:26:17Sorry.
00:26:20Yo.
00:26:21Bro, what about TTYL do you not get?
00:26:24I just thought we could go to the beach.
00:26:26You know, get some savage shots of us surfing.
00:26:28Smack the lip, whoppa.
00:26:29Dude, I can't be myself anymore, all right?
00:26:32I told you.
00:26:33I got to be a kook now.
00:26:34Yeah, but I just thought that we could.
00:26:35Don't be thirsty.
00:26:37All right?
00:26:37Looks bad.
00:26:39And I ran out of my deodorant, so can you give me my regular?
00:26:45Thanks, bro.
00:26:48Sorry, bro, are we, uh, are we good here?
00:26:50Yeah, so any time you're at a poetry reading
00:26:53or an art installation, just take a snap
00:26:56and then talk about, like, how.
00:26:58Bro, that sounds like a lot of work.
00:27:00Well, I mean, you could just give me your password
00:27:02and I can just go myself.
00:27:04So you could hack me and steal my identity?
00:27:06Like what you're paying me to do?
00:27:08Bro, that's not happening.
00:27:09All right, fine.
00:27:10Run Snapchat yourself.
00:27:12Let's talk about Facebook.
00:27:13Ugh.
00:27:24All right, you know, I can't, I can't go on.
00:27:28Chris Newton asked you to pretend to be him online
00:27:32and you're, you're just not concerned.
00:27:34Well, what should I be concerned about?
00:27:36How about he's secretly involved in a bet
00:27:38to see if he can make the nerdy kid popular?
00:27:40Like that would be the end of the world?
00:27:42I mean, it's going to end with you on stage
00:27:44covered in pig's blood and just without
00:27:46the telekinetic powers.
00:27:47Wait, why am I the female character in this scenario?
00:27:51I don't know.
00:27:52Whatever, practice or else you're not going to get in
00:27:55and instead of Carnegie Hall, you'd
00:27:57be an old lady playing to a house full of cats.
00:27:59Thanks, that helps.
00:28:02I'm nervous.
00:28:05Look, you'll be fine, don't worry.
00:28:07I'll be there.
00:28:09OK.
00:28:10Also, like, do you really think that it's
00:28:12impossible that I may have some traits
00:28:15that people might be envious of?
00:28:16Yeah, some people.
00:28:18Sure, but Chris Newton, why would Chris Newton
00:28:24want to see more than you?
00:28:25Because it will help him get to Roxy faster.
00:28:29Because apparently I'm just her type,
00:28:31except for my head, face, and body.
00:28:35Oh, OK, so you're catfishing the poor girl.
00:28:38No, I wouldn't call it that.
00:28:39Oh, really?
00:28:40I would call it that because that's, like,
00:28:41exactly what you're doing.
00:28:42What, no?
00:28:43OK, you know what?
00:28:44No, I'll put you out of your misery
00:28:45because you're suffering.
00:28:46What?
00:28:47Oh.
00:28:48Oh.
00:28:49Oh.
00:28:49Oh.
00:28:50Oh.
00:28:51Oh.
00:28:52I'm a social media consultant.
00:28:54It's what celebrities have.
00:28:55Chris is a YouTube celebrity.
00:28:58OK, OK.
00:28:59So I'm his celebrity consultant online.
00:29:06Oh.
00:29:06Oh.
00:29:07Oh.
00:29:08Oh.
00:29:09I'd love to keep wasting time discussing
00:29:12your bizarre personal problems, but it's eating
00:29:14into my silent disco break.
00:29:25It's not a silent disco, but there's only one participant.
00:29:27Oh, sure.
00:29:36That's how you dance.
00:29:42Hi, sweetie.
00:29:42Hey, sweetie, what you doing?
00:29:44Nothing.
00:29:44What are you looking at?
00:29:45Wait.
00:29:47Were you looking at porn?
00:29:48What?
00:29:49No.
00:29:50You know, having a healthy sexual appetite
00:29:51is actually awesome.
00:29:52It's just if you're going to look at porn,
00:29:54you need to be aware of the exploitation.
00:29:55I'm going to send you some ethical strikes.
00:29:57OK, OK, I'm looking at her.
00:29:58OK?
00:29:59Oh, Jesus.
00:29:59Oh, my God.
00:30:00Oh, my God.
00:30:01Oh, my God.
00:30:02Oh, my God.
00:30:03Oh, my God.
00:30:03Oh, my God.
00:30:04Oh, my gosh.
00:30:05She is just dropped at hot.
00:30:07Oh, that's really gross, Mom.
00:30:08No, I'm just noticing.
00:30:09I mean, look at her.
00:30:10She's just beautiful.
00:30:11She's so pretty.
00:30:12You're going to ask her to prom?
00:30:13No, I'm not.
00:30:14I'm not.
00:30:15I'm not asking her to prom.
00:30:16No.
00:30:17She wouldn't go with me.
00:30:18You know how I look.
00:30:20Honey, what are you talking about?
00:30:21That's crazy.
00:30:22How do we explain this to you?
00:30:23You are perfect.
00:30:25Absolutely.
00:30:26OK, look, I love you guys, but that's
00:30:28really hard to take to heart coming from my moms.
00:30:30You know what?
00:30:31For a kid who's raised by lesbians, you know,
00:30:33startlingly little about women.
00:30:34OK?
00:30:35She's a person.
00:30:36She is a real, live person.
00:30:38Instead of just thinking what girls want, you know,
00:30:40you have to know what girls like.
00:30:42You have to learn about this woman.
00:30:44Can I have my room back now?
00:30:47Yes.
00:30:48Hmm.
00:30:48OK.
00:31:13Stop.
00:31:19Stop.
00:31:29Bro, this place smells like ass cheeks and hot Cheetos.
00:31:33But Roxy loves this place, all right?
00:31:35So I'll just get you on Snapchat saying something
00:31:37interesting about the DJ.
00:31:38All right?
00:31:49It's going to be lit.
00:31:51Stop.
00:31:51Dude, I'm running out of time.
00:31:54All right, try talking about how the music makes you feel.
00:31:57Remember, this is not Coachella after dark.
00:31:59Bro, I can see that.
00:32:02Yo, I just got to say, TBH, these beats is feeling.
00:32:07They got the potent to burn this club up.
00:32:11I think that was it, dude.
00:32:13What?
00:32:14Bro, is how I feel not up to your standards?
00:32:18OK, so the music that they're playing right
00:32:20now is like an intellectual take on electronic music.
00:32:24Every bro says that these beats are hell.
00:32:26Try talking about, like, the instrumentation
00:32:28and the unique rhythms, or how a hook, like, grabs you
00:32:33and triggers a long lost memory, like,
00:32:34how that makes you feel.
00:32:35Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:32:36Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
00:32:37Yep, got you.
00:32:38Yo, these legit as shit beats are
00:32:40making me think of this one time I was on Lake Michigan.
00:32:43I was 11 years old.
00:32:44I had just learned how to wakeboard.
00:32:46I was nervous.
00:32:48I wiped out so bad that I had to go to the ER, like, three times.
00:32:50You know what, I'm just going to pick for you
00:32:52and then call it a night, because this place fucking sucks.
00:32:55Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:32:57That was a bison.
00:32:58All right, looking good.
00:33:03OK.
00:33:05Give me one more.
00:33:06Nice.
00:33:07What?
00:33:08Oh, shit, bro.
00:33:09Oh, shit.
00:33:10Get down.
00:33:10He's going to see me.
00:33:19No, dude, stay down.
00:33:20We're about to have the last seat.
00:33:22We're going to have to hide out here
00:33:23till the end of the night, bro.
00:33:24Shouldn't you go talk to her, man?
00:33:25No, dude, I can't talk to her.
00:33:26I can't stay down.
00:33:27Please?
00:33:28That's why we came here.
00:33:29I will hurt you.
00:33:32I won't hurt you.
00:33:33Listen, we've got to get out of here, bro.
00:33:35We have to escape.
00:33:36Put these on.
00:33:36Come on.
00:33:37All right, let's go.
00:33:38Just shut up.
00:33:39Just shut up.
00:33:40I'm not the fucking psychopath.
00:33:41Bro, you have two pairs of sunglasses?
00:33:43Yeah, whatever.
00:33:48Let's go.
00:33:49Get out.
00:33:50This way.
00:33:50This way.
00:33:58Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
00:34:00Myself isn't good enough, bro.
00:34:02No, it totally is, man.
00:34:04You're handsome.
00:34:05You're cool.
00:34:06You're fucking awesome.
00:34:08And oh my god, I sound like my mom.
00:34:10She looks at me like a little turd, bro.
00:34:13You know what?
00:34:14Have you ever been to OG Gallery?
00:34:16It's a cool art gallery.
00:34:17And they've got a lot of cool showings and stuff.
00:34:20And she has a lot of check-ins there.
00:34:22There's an opening tomorrow.
00:34:23And I'm pretty sure she'll go.
00:34:25You know what, bro?
00:34:26What?
00:34:27I'm going to give you my password.
00:34:28And you're going to go for me.
00:34:29What is it?
00:34:31You're not going to tell anybody?
00:34:33No.
00:34:34Don't get me in the eye, bro.
00:34:37Never going to tell anyone.
00:34:38OK.
00:34:40It's Chris Newton.
00:34:43That's it?
00:34:44Yeah, dude.
00:34:45All lowercase?
00:34:46Chris Newton, lowercase.
00:34:47That's it.
00:34:48Any numbers?
00:34:48No, bro.
00:34:49Chris Newton.
00:34:50That's your password for which account?
00:34:52Shut up.
00:34:54Oh, shit, bro.
00:34:56You can't put this artist's work into words.
00:35:23Oh, uh, hey, Roxy.
00:35:25Were you at Alan Furman last night?
00:35:27No, never heard of it.
00:35:32There are some really cool pieces here.
00:35:36Yeah, I am taking an art class at the community college.
00:35:40And my professor showed me this place.
00:35:42It's really cool.
00:35:43And they really focus on, like, up-and-coming artists.
00:35:49Honestly, I hang out here all the time
00:35:52because I'm hoping they'll show my arts one day.
00:35:57Good strategy.
00:36:06You know, my friend Chris Newton told me about this artist.
00:36:11Chris Newton?
00:36:12Yeah.
00:36:14Hiya, Chris Newton.
00:36:15Knows what art is?
00:36:17He's actually kind of a Renaissance man.
00:36:19Oh, so he's just disguised as a douche?
00:36:23Yeah.
00:36:24No, um, you know what?
00:36:28You might want to just look at his online stuff.
00:36:30It gives you a way better idea of what he's like as a person.
00:36:35Honestly, Ryan, keep this on the DL.
00:36:39OK.
00:36:39He is painfully shy around intelligent, beautiful women.
00:36:46Get out of town.
00:36:46You know, like, his brain, like, freezes up,
00:36:49and then his mouth gets all dry?
00:36:52And then there's the Tourette's.
00:36:54Tourette's?
00:36:55He is Tourette's?
00:36:56Mm-hmm.
00:36:57Really?
00:36:58Yeah.
00:37:01I didn't know.
00:37:02I mean, I kind of feel like an asshole now.
00:37:05Well, I mean, you probably still have a chance.
00:37:09Try maybe speaking with him in person.
00:37:17All right.
00:37:19I'll see you soon.
00:37:20Bye.
00:37:31Whoa.
00:37:32She did it.
00:37:33Roxy, she followed me on PictoStash,
00:37:35and she double-clicked it for you!
00:37:37OK, calm down.
00:37:38Maybe I should, like, view her post right now,
00:37:39just so she knows that I saw it, right?
00:37:41No, no, no, no, no.
00:37:42We don't want to seem thirsty.
00:37:43What's the shit, bro?
00:37:43Give me my phone back.
00:37:44It's my phone, dude.
00:37:45I gotta let her know that I saw it, bro.
00:37:47I got it.
00:37:48You've got way more phones anyway.
00:37:48Shit dog.
00:37:49What?
00:37:51Oh, shoot.
00:37:52Oh, shoot.
00:37:53I think she's FaceTiming me, bro.
00:37:54Why is she FaceTiming me?
00:37:55Dude, answer it.
00:37:57OK, every time she asks you a question,
00:37:59just freeze like there's bad Wi-Fi,
00:38:00and then I'll feed you lines, OK?
00:38:01Bro, that's your genius plan?
00:38:03Oh, I'm sorry.
00:38:04Hold on.
00:38:05Let me just come up with, like, 12 more ideas
00:38:06so we can focus group them to figure out which one's the best.
00:38:08OK, OK, OK.
00:38:12What's up?
00:38:13Hi, Chris.
00:38:15How goes it?
00:38:16Oh, it's going.
00:38:17How's it going?
00:38:18It's going.
00:38:20Are you?
00:38:22I think you're frozen.
00:38:23You say there's bad Wi-Fi.
00:38:24It's worse than the time you were in Vietnam building
00:38:26houses for poor people.
00:38:27Actually, I can't.
00:38:29Sorry, this Wi-Fi sucks.
00:38:30I mean, it's almost as bad as when
00:38:32I was in Vietnam building houses for poor people.
00:38:35Oh, you were in Vietnam.
00:38:37You were building houses for poor people?
00:38:40Yeah.
00:38:41It's badass.
00:38:43What am I doing?
00:38:44I, uh, I'm just chilling.
00:38:48You look really hot.
00:38:49What?
00:38:50I look hot?
00:38:52Your face is so hot that, that, that, that, that it
00:38:54melts even the coldest night because
00:38:56of the radiance of its glow.
00:38:57Are you?
00:38:58You're frozen again.
00:38:59I meant to say that your face is so hot
00:39:01it can melt the coldest of nights
00:39:03with the radiance of its glow.
00:39:05You're a bit of a charmer, aren't you?
00:39:07Well, what can I say?
00:39:09You must bring it out of me.
00:39:10Well, should we see if you can be this charming in person?
00:39:17Yeah, sure.
00:39:18Yeah, I'll pick you up soon.
00:39:20Yeah?
00:39:21OK.
00:39:22All right, see you tonight.
00:39:23Bye.
00:39:27Oh my god, dude, we did it.
00:39:30What?
00:39:31No, no, no.
00:39:32Dude, what's wrong with you, man?
00:39:33We just got you a date.
00:39:34You should be ecstatic.
00:39:36Bro, I don't know what I'm going to say.
00:39:38I'm going to be there by myself.
00:39:39Oh.
00:39:40Oh.
00:39:41Oh.
00:39:41Shit, shit, shit.
00:39:42Oh.
00:39:43I'm not ready.
00:39:45Oh.
00:39:46Shit.
00:39:46Oh.
00:39:47Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, look.
00:39:49Look, look what happened.
00:39:49Look what happened.
00:39:50Dude, dude, look.
00:39:51What, bro?
00:39:53It's a blue tooth.
00:39:54He's stuck on the blue tooth.
00:39:56Yeah.
00:39:56Oh.
00:39:57Secret agents, bro.
00:39:59Hell yeah, you fucking nerd.
00:40:02Check this out.
00:40:08Just like that.
00:40:10You just happen to have a fake cast?
00:40:12Bro chicks love it.
00:40:14You're certifiable, man.
00:40:17Thanks, dude.
00:40:18You too.
00:40:25How did you break your arm?
00:40:26Oh, I was skateboarding.
00:40:29I'm so sorry.
00:40:29It's OK.
00:40:30Just super tender right now.
00:40:32Unbelievable.
00:40:33Well, at least you got a lot of signatures.
00:40:34Yeah.
00:40:35Quickly.
00:40:36I'm a pretty popular dude.
00:40:37OK, so her shirt looks like it could
00:40:39have been made by this Japanese artist
00:40:40who's obsessed with polka dots.
00:40:42Her name is Yoyoi Kusama.
00:40:44Your shirt is great.
00:40:46Yoyoi Kusami, right?
00:40:47Kusama.
00:40:48Yeah, I love her.
00:40:49Kusama.
00:40:49Yeah.
00:40:50Me too.
00:40:51Oh, did you see her exhibit at the Broad?
00:40:52Yeah.
00:40:53Yeah?
00:40:54Actually, I caught it on YouTube.
00:40:55Man, you did it.
00:40:56Yes, I did.
00:41:00So while it still resonates today,
00:41:04its tropes feel dated from when Kerouac wrote it.
00:41:08Well, I still kind of love it.
00:41:10I find it sexy and romantic.
00:41:13Yeah, imagine how zeitgeist-y it felt
00:41:16reading it back in 1957.
00:41:19Imagine how zeitgeist-y it felt reading it back in 1957.
00:41:23Hmm, I can't imagine.
00:41:26Are you more of a dean or a cell?
00:41:29Well, Mary Lou, what do you think?
00:41:33Tell her she has the kind of beauty
00:41:34that inspires great works of art to be made.
00:41:38Your beauty just inspires great works of art.
00:41:43Hey, wait a second.
00:41:44You can't do that.
00:41:45That's my phone.
00:41:46Hey, give it back.
00:41:47What are you doing?
00:41:48Hey, wait, wait, wait.
00:41:49Um, yeah.
00:41:49Are you OK?
00:41:50Yeah, yeah.
00:41:50It's just like a sudden pain.
00:41:52I'm, um, what?
00:41:54What were we saying?
00:41:55I don't know.
00:41:55I don't know.
00:41:56I don't know.
00:41:56I don't know.
00:41:57I don't know.
00:41:58I don't know.
00:41:58I don't know.
00:41:59I don't know.
00:41:59I don't know.
00:42:00I don't know.
00:42:00I don't know.
00:42:01But what were we saying?
00:42:02What was I saying?
00:42:03Um.
00:42:04You're beautiful.
00:42:07And art's beautiful.
00:42:09So you're beautiful art.
00:42:16Right.
00:42:23Are you feeling better?
00:42:25Yeah.
00:42:32Hmm.
00:42:33You have a.
00:42:34What are you doing?
00:42:36I'm, um.
00:42:37I'm.
00:42:38I can palm read.
00:42:39Oh.
00:42:40Yeah.
00:42:40Oh.
00:42:41Check this out.
00:42:43You, um.
00:42:47You've experienced some loss.
00:42:49Hmm.
00:42:50Haven't we all?
00:42:54Oh, is your dad?
00:42:55Hmm.
00:42:59Um.
00:43:00You have a.
00:43:01A very strong lifeline.
00:43:04And, uh.
00:43:05Your love line.
00:43:07You need a guy who, like.
00:43:10Gets all you.
00:43:12Hmm.
00:43:13It's a very cute party trick.
00:43:15It's good.
00:43:16Yeah.
00:43:16Yeah.
00:43:17It's all right.
00:43:20Um.
00:43:21This is another part of it.
00:43:23Okay.
00:43:24My turn.
00:43:25Um.
00:43:25Let me ask you some questions.
00:43:27Seriously.
00:43:28Do you.
00:43:30That's going to sound mean.
00:43:31Do you ever feel schizophrenic?
00:43:34Like, stuck between your douchebag school persona.
00:43:37And, um.
00:43:38The, like, cultured real you.
00:43:41You know.
00:43:41You just.
00:43:42You got to go with the flow, right?
00:43:45If you don't break, you'll bend.
00:43:48You can't make a horse drink water, right?
00:43:51Um.
00:43:52Sorry.
00:43:53I'm just really curious.
00:43:54Do you.
00:43:55Do you feel the need to, like.
00:43:56Be seen by a lot of people.
00:43:58To be, you know.
00:43:59Validated.
00:43:59Like, that's why you do your.
00:44:01Your videos and stuff.
00:44:02I mean, you seem like.
00:44:03You're actually really sensitive.
00:44:05You're saying I'm sensitive.
00:44:07Oh.
00:44:07No, no, no.
00:44:08I meant that, like.
00:44:09I meant that it was a good thing.
00:44:10I.
00:44:11I've won homecoming king three times in a row.
00:44:13The third time I was disqualified for being wasted.
00:44:15I have 347,000 followers who watch every dope thing I do.
00:44:20I'm savage, okay?
00:44:21I'm not some sensitive chick who.
00:44:23No, no, no.
00:44:23Okay.
00:44:23Yeah, I get it.
00:44:24Yeah.
00:44:25It was meant to be a compliment.
00:44:27What?
00:44:28Sensitive?
00:44:29Yeah.
00:44:30I'm not going to be so sensitive.
00:44:35That just.
00:44:38Dude.
00:44:40I can't explain.
00:44:40You're a dick.
00:44:41No.
00:44:42I cannot believe that I actually felt sorry for you.
00:44:43Like, I.
00:44:44I felt sorry for your fake broken arm.
00:44:46And your stupid skateboarding accident.
00:44:48My body has Tourette's too.
00:44:50Your body has Tourette's?
00:44:51Yeah.
00:44:51It's a thing.
00:44:52Yeah.
00:44:52Wow.
00:44:53I.
00:44:55I can't believe that I thought I could have a real conversation with someone
00:44:58who karate chops innocent people all day.
00:45:00That was stupid.
00:45:01I'm changing my channel, okay?
00:45:02It's going to be life-changing life hacks from now on.
00:45:04And I'm going to be doing stuff for, like, cologne for guys.
00:45:06And how to get ripped abs.
00:45:07Shit like that.
00:45:08Wow.
00:45:08That's brilliant.
00:45:09You should.
00:45:09That's brilliant.
00:45:09You should do that.
00:45:10Where are you going?
00:45:11Roxy, wait.
00:45:11Roxy.
00:45:12Dude.
00:45:12Seriously?
00:45:13Like, leave me alone.
00:45:14Okay?
00:45:16Good morning, LCH High.
00:45:24It's six days until senior prom.
00:45:27Have you found your better half yet?
00:45:29If not, remember, you only get one or two proms a lifetime.
00:45:33Hey, Kat.
00:45:34What about you?
00:45:34Have you found your special someone?
00:45:37Oh, well, prom's an archaic, heteronormative, perpetuating sexist mating ritual that's outlast its necessity.
00:45:44It's patriarchal and quasi-fascist.
00:45:48Well, it makes great content.
00:45:49Keep it up.
00:45:52Where did you hear that from?
00:45:53Yo, mama!
00:45:56Noah, seriously, Sarah's been giving me some, like, really engaging books to read.
00:46:00Huh.
00:46:01Fuck.
00:46:02You got deals, Chris?
00:46:04Yeah, I'm coming.
00:46:05I'm coming.
00:46:06I need to talk to you.
00:46:07I'm really sorry about last night.
00:46:09However, I think we've set you up good.
00:46:11Just a little more effort, we can finish strong, no problem.
00:46:14Bro, I screwed up pretty bad, man.
00:46:15What are we gonna do?
00:46:17We?
00:46:18I got her to go on a date with you.
00:46:20That was the deal.
00:46:21Seriously, bro?
00:46:22Dude, that date was the ultimate fail, man.
00:46:24Don't you give up on me, bro.
00:46:26I at least want her to go to prom with me, all right?
00:46:28Help.
00:46:29I don't know.
00:46:30A week isn't enough time.
00:46:31I will double your money.
00:46:33Double.
00:46:34So, if I get her to go to prom with you, we're square?
00:46:38We're square, dude.
00:46:39Bro, we're better than square.
00:46:41We're, like, we're rectangle.
00:46:42Whatever shape is the dankest, bro.
00:46:45But, don't, you can't bribe her, okay?
00:46:46I won't.
00:46:47Deal?
00:46:48That's a deal.
00:46:49Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
00:46:52JTrap, my hands are soft, bro.
00:46:54Dude, it's nice.
00:46:55Let's get going, man.
00:46:55I got class.
00:46:57When I'm with you, I feel like I'm evaporating.
00:47:05You're beautiful.
00:47:08I am diminishing.
00:47:11Like, I'm, I am nothing in your presence.
00:47:16There aren't many things in this world that are that perfect.
00:47:20Your perfection magnifies my flaws.
00:47:28I hope you accept this sincere apology for my ludicrous, inappropriate behavior.
00:47:36Please give me another chance to prove myself worthy of your affections.
00:47:41Forever yours, Cy.
00:47:50I meant Chris.
00:47:54Shit, shit, shit, shit, fuck.
00:48:10Roxy!
00:48:17What are you doing?
00:48:18Oh, they're, they're, they're just pebbles.
00:48:21Well, first of all, that's the wrong window, and who throws pebbles anymore?
00:48:28Seriously.
00:48:29Off my fucking property.
00:48:32Wanna come in?
00:48:35Come on.
00:48:36Just tie me to the window, yeah?
00:48:41Oh.
00:48:42You got it?
00:48:43Yeah, I got it.
00:48:44That's graceful.
00:48:47Sorry to pop up like that, but it's kind of an emergency.
00:48:51Why are you whispering?
00:48:53Oh, you're back.
00:48:55Oh, my mom's in a fundraiser for saving rhinoceroses.
00:48:59Oh.
00:49:01Also, wait, isn't it rhinocerai?
00:49:03You're not, aren't you?
00:49:05I, uh, what's your emergency?
00:49:08Oh, I came to talk to you about, for, uh, about giving Chris another chance.
00:49:16Oh, out, out the way you think.
00:49:18Hey, wait, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:49:20He, he feels terrible, okay?
00:49:22He, he was, he was super, super nervous, all right?
00:49:25He would do anything to make it up to you.
00:49:28He wore a fake cast.
00:49:30Like, he's a liar and, you know, probably a sociopath.
00:49:32Yeah, but kind of a hot sociopath.
00:49:34Oh, why don't, why don't you date him?
00:49:37Okay, wait.
00:49:38When you think of it like this, it's actually kind of brilliant what he did.
00:49:41He designed an elaborate sympathy-inducing contraption
00:49:48all because he was afraid that just him on his own wasn't enough.
00:49:54Really, it's sadly admirable.
00:50:00I don't even know what to say to him.
00:50:01Oh, just give me your phone. I'll just text him for you.
00:50:03Nope. Actually, I have a project.
00:50:07Be my assistant.
00:50:08Sorry if I interrupted your night.
00:50:10Nope.
00:50:11I was just ordering leather to make leather pants.
00:50:13I have no idea how you, like, survive in that stuff.
00:50:16I don't know. It's pretty, pretty comfortable.
00:50:18Oh, shit, shit.
00:50:20What?
00:50:21I need to, um, sorry, I need to borrow your phone.
00:50:24I have to text my mom.
00:50:25Oh.
00:50:26They, they freak out if they don't know exactly, like,
00:50:29everything about where and when I'm at.
00:50:32Yeah, parents are, parents are terrible.
00:50:34Yeah, and I'm just, I'm a little too lazy to go back instead.
00:50:39Right.
00:50:40To get my phone.
00:50:43All right.
00:50:45What are you, what are you doing?
00:50:46Sorry, bad, bad Wi-Fi.
00:50:48Okay.
00:50:50Dude, are you in my photos?
00:50:51No, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not.
00:50:52There's nothing in there, like.
00:50:53I know, I know, I know, I know.
00:50:54Just, just.
00:50:55I don't have nudes. I don't do that.
00:50:57Uh.
00:51:00Okay, all right.
00:51:01You did it?
00:51:02I'm good, yeah.
00:51:03All right.
00:51:04Here.
00:51:06Yeah, I feel like a weight's been lifted off your shoulders.
00:51:07You have no idea.
00:51:08Yeah, here.
00:51:09Thanks.
00:51:10All right.
00:51:13Are you ready?
00:51:14I don't know.
00:51:15Am I?
00:51:22Hmm.
00:51:25What are you thinking?
00:51:26No, I'm just, I'm looking.
00:51:27It's, it's cool.
00:51:33What's that one?
00:51:35Oh, it's just, um, it's a piece I'm working on.
00:51:37It shows how we use social media to lie and distort reality.
00:51:43Are you okay?
00:51:45Yeah.
00:51:48What were you saying?
00:51:49I was just saying that, you know, we doctor our photos before we put them online.
00:51:54And, you know, if you strip away all the filters and the makeup, that's where you get the, the truth.
00:52:01Yeah, it feels like my life.
00:52:04No, it's all our lives.
00:52:06We're all hyper-self-conscious and feel inadequate, like, all the time.
00:52:15It's awful.
00:52:16Yeah, I can relate.
00:52:20How's him?
00:52:22Hmm.
00:52:26You're not like this.
00:52:28Your face?
00:52:30What about your face?
00:52:32I mean, you know, it's got a lot of flaws.
00:52:36Like what?
00:52:38It's stupid.
00:52:42It's not stupid.
00:52:50Okay.
00:52:52Your eyes are piercing, deep, volatile.
00:52:58Your nose is the mark of a witty, courteous, affable, generous, and liberal man.
00:53:08Your chin is goofy, spontaneous, light, and obviously adorable.
00:53:18You've got very rosy cheeks. That's also very adorable.
00:53:22Let me just smile.
00:53:26I'm not perfect, but, um, perfect's boring.
00:53:30So, no.
00:53:32I don't know what flaws you're referring to.
00:53:42I have to go now.
00:53:44Thanks for the water.
00:53:54So, how does Chris know about your extracurricular activities?
00:54:00Hmm.
00:54:02You don't actually like her, do you?
00:54:04Nah, come on.
00:54:08You do. You like her.
00:54:10No, I don't. No.
00:54:12Yeah, I can tell.
00:54:13It's ridiculous.
00:54:14You're avoiding eye contact with me.
00:54:16That's because I'm awkward.
00:54:18No, I can tell. Every single time.
00:54:20You've had a crush on a girl since, like, fourth grade.
00:54:23Yeah.
00:54:24You get this whole wistful thing about you.
00:54:32It's what you look like.
00:54:33Whatever.
00:54:37Alright, I got you a present.
00:54:39No.
00:54:44Wait.
00:54:48It's a rhino.
00:54:51I had a dream that you were a rhino.
00:54:53Because you kind of look like one.
00:54:55How?
00:54:58I think it's, um, like the mouth area.
00:55:03I mean, look at this, and then your mouth.
00:55:06Can't really see my mouth.
00:55:18Hi. Okay, listen.
00:55:20This is an ESZ, an emotional safe zone, okay?
00:55:26Alright.
00:55:27Feel free to express any and all emotions within the perimeters of this ESZ.
00:55:35Where did you get that from?
00:55:38My therapist.
00:55:40Oh.
00:55:41Well, I actually really like our place, and I don't want to taint it with a stench of emotions.
00:55:46Emotions don't smell.
00:55:50Okay.
00:55:52I mean, feel free to be a festering ball of repression.
00:56:00Just remember my audition is next week.
00:56:03Hey, don't worry, I'll be there.
00:56:05Pinky promise.
00:56:08I'm gonna hold you to it.
00:56:09Okay.
00:56:10You're gonna hold into it, too?
00:56:11Yeah.
00:56:14Just, like, you want Roxy to pull up against your body, so you pop a tromboner.
00:56:22Get out of my room!
00:56:52Whoa!
00:57:05Keep it loose.
00:57:07Until, like, I mean, you're perfect.
00:57:12You're crazy.
00:57:16Yeah.
00:57:18What the hell, bro?
00:57:20You're eating my skis!
00:57:21Hold on, man.
00:57:22I'm filming.
00:57:23You take a five-minute break, bro.
00:57:25Alex, what the heck are you doing, bro?
00:57:27What does it look like we're doing, man?
00:57:28We're shooting hi-yah videos.
00:57:30That's my thing.
00:57:31It was your thing.
00:57:33Now it's Trent and Mai's thing.
00:57:35Your social media is lame, man.
00:57:38Your fans are bored.
00:57:40You're losing influence.
00:57:42How dare you stick my brand on some knockoff loser!
00:57:45Whoa!
00:57:47Sorry, bro, you're pretty savage.
00:57:49The audience is hungry.
00:57:51And if your feed isn't supplying the audience with what it wants,
00:57:54someone else's feed will.
00:57:56Just, bro, give me a couple days to just get Roxy to go to prom with me.
00:58:00Then I'm back in business, bro.
00:58:01You don't have to do all this.
00:58:03The feed waits for no man.
00:58:07All right, Trent, from the top.
00:58:10That's good.
00:58:11Thunder.
00:58:12Hi-yah!
00:58:18You know, when I've left hi-yah videos in my dust
00:58:20and I'm making life-changing life hack videos,
00:58:23you won't be laughing.
00:58:25Don't throw your toe at me, you dick!
00:58:27I will throw what I want at you!
00:58:30Dude, have you even been reading the comments, man?
00:58:33No?
00:58:34I haven't.
00:58:37Lame.
00:58:39Nerd AF, bro.
00:58:42Kill it before it lays eggs.
00:58:46That is how you smoke a cigarette in a bathroom stall.
00:58:52Chris.
00:58:53Hi-yah!
00:58:54Or whatever.
00:58:56Now, the LCH bros are wondering, uh, who are you taking to prom with?
00:59:00Well, LCH bros, I haven't really figured that out yet, but I'm going.
00:59:04Now what? Seems like the rumors are true.
00:59:06Well, if you're...
00:59:08Delete it.
00:59:11I would like to know...
00:59:12Do it, bro.
00:59:13Delete it.
00:59:16Do it, bro!
00:59:17Yes, yes, yes, okay.
00:59:21Ashist.
00:59:22The sheep's don't shit in the bathroom, bro.
00:59:24Haven't you heard of freedom of the press?
00:59:26Freedom of the bathroom, dude!
00:59:28I'm not telling anybody you're a pervert.
00:59:30I am not a pervert.
00:59:31I am a content creator, and one day you will work for me.
00:59:34Bro, get out of here!
00:59:37There's got to be a bunch of walls against that.
00:59:40Right?
00:59:41There's got to be.
00:59:43Why hasn't there been any Roxy updates?
00:59:45Look, dude, romance takes time.
00:59:47Dude, she...
00:59:48She makes me feel like my heart's on fire.
00:59:51Like, like everything's on fire.
00:59:54But I've got this reputation to protect, and I've got fans to please, and...
00:59:58Right or wrong, bro?
00:59:59They hate this cultured shit.
01:00:01So we need to wrap it up, fast.
01:00:05Do you have a projector?
01:00:12Roxy.
01:00:14It's me.
01:00:15What?
01:00:16Hey, come here.
01:00:18Come out.
01:00:20Look.
01:00:21Come on.
01:00:22Come out.
01:00:26Come here.
01:00:27Okay.
01:00:33Yeah, come here.
01:00:35Okay.
01:00:37Look.
01:00:38The real Chris.
01:00:42Hates pasta.
01:00:47Is terrified of snakes.
01:00:49I... I can read.
01:00:51Okay.
01:00:56Just some music, though. Like...
01:00:58Right.
01:00:59Yeah.
01:01:05Francis.
01:01:06It's creative, right?
01:01:08It's cute.
01:01:09Thanks.
01:01:10I've seen her. Don't relate.
01:01:17It's where I learned to whiteboard.
01:01:19That's cool.
01:01:25That's... That is true.
01:01:27Yeah.
01:01:33It's a good place to start.
01:01:34Yeah.
01:01:35Yeah? Okay. Good.
01:01:40Yeah.
01:01:46I, um...
01:01:47I really made a mess the other night.
01:01:52I mean, Fukushima was a mess.
01:01:53You just kind of dropped your fake cast.
01:01:56Yeah.
01:01:58I'm really sorry, Roxy.
01:02:11Okay.
01:02:17Do you just want to...
01:02:19Yeah.
01:02:20Yeah?
01:02:21Just...
01:02:22Okay.
01:02:23Yeah.
01:02:24All right.
01:02:40Shit.
01:02:49Thanks for understanding that I, uh,
01:02:51didn't want to take it too far, Chris.
01:02:53Well, you're an incredibly special girl person,
01:02:57and I'm cool with waiting.
01:03:01Well, thank you for respecting my girl-person-ness.
01:03:04Why are you still up?
01:03:06Can't sleep.
01:03:07You want to talk?
01:03:09Oh, with you? Always.
01:03:14Cool.
01:03:15You have a, uh, very weird brain.
01:03:18I like to see what's in it.
01:03:22So, did you know about the jellyfish
01:03:24that's biologically immortal?
01:03:27So, did you know about the jellyfish
01:03:29that's biologically immortal?
01:03:37You know, if...
01:03:38if that's true.
01:03:41Yeah.
01:03:54Relax.
01:03:55Time to change.
01:03:57Free.
01:03:58Free.
01:03:59Free.
01:04:00Free.
01:04:01Free.
01:04:02Free.
01:04:03Free.
01:04:04Free.
01:04:05Free.
01:04:06Free.
01:04:07Free.
01:04:08Free.
01:04:39Hey Roxy, is there any possible reality where you might want to go to the cloud with me?
01:05:04Yes
01:05:10I'm not too close
01:05:33Alright, which brings us to Miss Catherine Walker, is that correct?
01:05:56Yes, thank you
01:05:58Hi Miss Walker, welcome
01:06:00What will you be playing for us today?
01:06:02The Morceau Symphony by Alexandre Guillaumont
01:06:06Very ambitious, well, give it a shot
01:06:10Go ahead
01:06:11Okay
01:06:33Uh, can I just try it one more time?
01:06:37Miss Walker
01:06:38Please
01:06:41No
01:07:02I'm in love with her, and I'm going to tell her, like, tonight
01:07:15I'm so happy for you
01:07:17What? No, this is a huge mistake, or this is going to ruin your life utterly and completely
01:07:25No, no, you do you, okay?
01:07:29What's wrong with you, man?
01:07:31What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you? You forgot about my audition, so I had to do it alone
01:07:37What? Oh, no, no, no, no way, I didn't, I didn't
01:07:40What? Clearly your little catfishing love triangle is your one and only priority
01:07:46And since you're always so desperate for my advice regarding your pathetic charade, here it is
01:07:53Go ahead, tell her the truth
01:07:57Look at me, either she'll never believe you, or she'll be so embarrassed and mortified that you manipulated and lied to her
01:08:05She'll never believe you anyway
01:08:10God, it's all bullshit, you decided to live in this, like, weird fantasy world
01:08:17I don't know, I just thought you were different, obviously I was wrong
01:08:26You're a phony, Cy, just like everyone else
01:08:40Well, I appreciate your honesty
01:08:42My honesty? That's what friends are for, Cy
01:08:45You know, also, they're supposed to show up for each other, that's kind of an integral part of things
01:08:50Well, you're just pissed off because I can't give you my undivided attention like I used to
01:08:56Oh, okay, you know what, good luck telling Roxy you're in love with her or whatever
01:09:02You know, I hope Chris leaves some of your internal organs intact so you can still donate them after you're dead, you fucker
01:09:15You know, I hope Chris leaves some of your internal organs intact so you can still donate them after you're dead, you fucker
01:09:45Hey Chris, uh, this is Cy, um, I'm calling you about Roxy
01:09:55I think I'm the one who deserves to be with her, I think she deserves to be with me
01:10:00You're not good enough, you're not, I mean, you're not the right person for her, I think I am
01:10:07And I think I'm the one she needs to be with, uh, and not you
01:10:14Uh, sorry, I don't know how else to say it, I hope you understand, uh, no hard feelings, I just had to be up front
01:10:27Love, lust, it all comes together tonight at prom 2018
01:10:34Who's with me? It's gonna be dope!
01:10:38Hey, I don't know what that means, but if it involves alcohol or drugs, I will ruin you
01:10:43Principal Hendricks, the student body is dying to know, what was your prom night like?
01:10:49Picture? Oh, video
01:10:51Uh, my prom, captain of the water polo team fingered my urethra for an hour and a half in the back of my mom's minivan
01:10:58It was a very painful experience
01:11:01Pay attention in anatomy, I love you guys a lot, it's gonna be so much fun
01:11:10Is that something that's, like, easy to get wrong, or?
01:11:25I'm going to tell her everything
01:11:28I want to show you something, come with me
01:11:31It'll be quick, just something in my garage that I think you'll like
01:11:35Just right here, buddy
01:11:41Come here, come here, come here, yeah, yeah, there's something back here, just, just over here
01:11:44No, no, no, no, no!
01:11:46Give me your phone, bro
01:11:47Dude!
01:11:48I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I may not be right for her like you said, but I can't have you screw up tonight, okay?
01:11:52I'm not a bad guy, right? It's just, I need this
01:11:56Dinner's on me, bro
01:11:57But you took my phone!
01:11:59I don't want you calling anybody
01:12:01No, no, no, no, no, no!
01:12:08Damn it!
01:12:22Damn it!
01:12:52Gonna blow your mind, mind, mind
01:12:58Cause I'm blind, I'm blind, blind
01:13:05Come on, you ancient asshole computer
01:13:10Oh my god
01:13:11Alright, okay
01:13:13There's gotta be something, gotta be something
01:13:15You've got mail
01:13:17How pleasant
01:13:19Man, this computer's old
01:13:22Alright, okay
01:13:25Hi, my name is Cy Burger
01:13:30I am locked in some crazy person's garage
01:13:36I need help
01:13:41No, no, you don't understand
01:13:44I'm being held against my will
01:13:47Please send help
01:13:51You freak
01:13:54Oh, shit
01:14:01JK, actually yeah, I am the 18 year old girl in the picture
01:14:06And I'm looking for some fun, you know?
01:14:09And maybe even more
01:14:12Okay, Herman
01:14:14How about you call my super hot friend
01:14:17And give her this address so we can party
01:14:30Hello?
01:14:34Who is this?
01:14:36Who is this?
01:14:40Alright, listen you sick asshole
01:14:42I don't know how you got my number
01:14:45Wait, where?
01:14:54God
01:14:55Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god
01:14:57Dude
01:14:58Thank you so much, you saved me
01:14:59Okay, you wanna tell me why the hell you were locked in Chris's garage?
01:15:02It's actually, it's a really long story
01:15:04But I need to get to prom, can you please drive me?
01:15:06Like look, you've been an amazing friend
01:15:09And I know I've been really shitty
01:15:11And I'm really sorry
01:15:12And are you still mad at me?
01:15:15I mean, did you think that I would just snap out of it?
01:15:18Yes, I am still mad, you hurt my feelings
01:15:23I mean, you knew how important that audition was
01:15:25Yeah, I know, and I'm really, really, really, really, really, really, really sorry
01:15:29And I fucking suck, and I'm terrible
01:15:31Everything bad, and you have every right to be mad at me
01:15:33And I'm fucking awful, and I'm really, really sorry
01:15:37Okay, okay
01:15:41It's fine, they said I can audition again
01:15:43My mom like
01:15:45My mom told them that I have diabetes
01:15:47And I was like low on insulin
01:15:49Oh my god, that's great
01:15:51Yeah
01:15:52I promise I'll be there this time
01:15:54Hey there girls
01:15:58I thought you were two girls
01:16:00Okay, well, that's cool
01:16:03I'm down
01:16:04She's 16, so you might actually want to leave before the guy from behind comes
01:16:10Because I don't look like my profile picture?
01:16:14Anyway
01:16:31So you don't shave your armpits?
01:16:33I feel like if you don't have to, I shouldn't have to
01:16:36You shave them?
01:16:37Mm-hmm
01:16:38She's an asshole
01:16:39Yes
01:16:40I just want you to know, I think it's really hot
01:16:46Whoa, hey, hey, hey
01:16:47Seat and tie for the gentleman only
01:16:49Come on, man
01:16:50I'm sorry
01:16:51I'm sorry
01:16:52I'm sorry
01:16:53I'm sorry
01:16:54I'm sorry
01:16:55I'm sorry
01:16:56I'm sorry
01:16:57I'm sorry
01:16:58I'm sorry
01:16:59Come on, man
01:17:00Hey boner boy
01:17:06Hello
01:17:08Hey guys
01:17:09So most of you don't know this, but I'm not just Principal Hendrix
01:17:14I'm also quite an accomplished singer-songwriter
01:17:21Thank you
01:17:30Ghostwalk through the hallway
01:17:33Go ahead and die
01:17:37I'll live off silence and dark
01:17:40I'll grow a superhuman heart
01:17:45I don't need anything
01:17:48I don't need anyone
01:17:51I don't need you
01:17:54I'll take your silence
01:17:56Hey, I've got a love emergency
01:17:58There's a girl in there that should be with me, but she's with a guy
01:18:00The wrong guy
01:18:01Chris, you're in there with Roxy
01:18:02Exactly
01:18:03I need your talk, because I'm begging you
01:18:05No one ever
01:18:09I don't need anything
01:18:12I don't need anyone
01:18:15I don't need anything
01:18:18I don't need you
01:18:21I don't need anything
01:18:25I don't need anyone
01:18:28I don't need anything
01:18:31I don't need you
01:18:41Use condoms tonight
01:18:55Use condoms tonight
01:18:56Use condoms
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01:20:51Fuck off, man. Fuck this video.
01:20:55Oh, hey, Roxy.
01:20:56Hey.
01:20:58You both lied to me.
01:20:59No, well, I mean,
01:21:00I was really, like,
01:21:01his social media image consultant.
01:21:03Yeah, yeah, Roxy,
01:21:04like celebrity stuff.
01:21:05Right?
01:21:06Yeah.
01:21:07Oh, shit.
01:21:08Oh.
01:21:10Oh, yeah, you really made
01:21:11the right choice there.
01:21:12Is, is your hand okay?
01:21:14Yeah, no, it's fine.
01:21:19Jesus.
01:21:26Uh, you think it's broke?
01:21:28I don't know, man.
01:21:29Dude, don't move it like that.
01:21:31I'm sorry.
01:21:32All right, dude, it's him.
01:21:33Dude, I'm sorry.
01:21:42Hey.
01:21:43I, I, I, um,
01:21:45I just, I don't know
01:21:47any girls like you at all.
01:21:50Because you, you make me nervous
01:21:52and, and scared,
01:21:54and I feel like you're judging me,
01:21:56but not judging me.
01:21:58Mm-hmm.
01:21:59And when you look at me like this,
01:22:02I feel like, oh,
01:22:04I can feel like you can see me,
01:22:06like I can't see me,
01:22:08and I feel like a,
01:22:09like a naked boy.
01:22:13But, but you make me,
01:22:15you make me want to be
01:22:17like a naked man.
01:22:19Right?
01:22:20Mm-hmm.
01:22:25What are those?
01:22:27Frozen peas.
01:22:29Oh.
01:22:30Not for me?
01:22:32Not for you.
01:22:33Okay.
01:22:35I am so sorry
01:22:37for embarrassing you.
01:22:39And I just...
01:22:48I...
01:22:52You're not a bad guy.
01:22:54You just...
01:22:58You're actually quite interesting and odd.
01:23:02Just be you.
01:23:06Can you see on my hand
01:23:08that I'd like to give you a ride home?
01:23:11Mm...
01:23:13Please?
01:23:15Well, you only like me
01:23:16because I punched you.
01:23:19There we go.
01:23:20That's pretty hot.
01:23:21Mm-hmm.
01:23:24Yeah.
01:23:41I brought you these.
01:23:44Pretty sure they expired in the 90s,
01:23:46but you can still use them.
01:23:54Well, at least your new viral video
01:23:56might erase your previous one from pop culture.
01:24:00Rad chick clobbers two tools.
01:24:02So, only witness protection program embarrassing.
01:24:06I can handle that.
01:24:14So...
01:24:16I know what I did was really stupid,
01:24:20and you probably don't ever want to see me again,
01:24:23but...
01:24:25I'm crazy for you, Roxy.
01:24:27Like, if you have any room left in your heart
01:24:30for forgiveness,
01:24:32I'd do anything for a second chance.
01:24:34Stop.
01:24:36You're just saying what you think you should say.
01:24:39You're just saying what you think you should say.
01:24:42I don't even think you know if it's true.
01:24:44No, it's true.
01:24:45I want you.
01:24:47I'm not a trophy.
01:24:49Look, you don't...
01:24:50You don't even really know me.
01:24:53You just kind of made me
01:24:55who you wanted me to be in your head.
01:24:59Look, it is way more beautiful
01:25:02to watch a rhinoceros be a rhinoceros
01:25:05than try to be an elephant.
01:25:10What?
01:25:12What are you thinking?
01:25:15Nothing.
01:25:17Hello?
01:25:19Okay.
01:25:23Tonight's our thirst for real blood,
01:25:26for real knives,
01:25:28for real cries.
01:25:31Did you really miss what really did exist?
01:25:36How do you throw it so tight?
01:25:41No attempt is made to explain away
01:25:45the things that really, really, really, really, really hurt.
01:25:50You can't hide.
01:25:52You can't hide.
01:25:54You can't hide.
01:25:58You can't hide.
01:26:01You can't hide.
01:26:03You can't hide.
01:26:05You can't hide.
01:26:07You can't hide.
01:26:34Oh, God.
01:26:36Hey.
01:26:40What happened?
01:26:42I don't know.
01:26:46I so wish I told you
01:26:48so it wasn't such a true thing right now.
01:26:50Yeah, I was looking all over for you,
01:26:52but without a phone or a car,
01:26:54it's actually really fucking difficult.
01:26:57I don't know how they used to do it, like at all.
01:27:07Let me see.
01:27:24I had become so deluded from my whacked-out,
01:27:27hormone-addled brain
01:27:29that I've been missing this fantastic reality,
01:27:32this golden sunset, like right here, like staring...
01:27:36Shut up.
01:27:38What?
01:27:40Shut up.
01:27:42But I'm making my big speech.
01:27:44Look, I only have 15 minutes
01:27:46until my parents are going to freak if I'm not home,
01:27:49so do you want to keep acting like a stupid teen movie scene,
01:27:53or do you want to make out some more?
01:27:55I want to make out some more.
01:27:57For real?
01:27:59For real.
01:28:02For real.