The Two Ronnies - 105 [couchtripper][U]
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00:00Good evening. Good evening. It's very nice to be with you again, isn't it, Ronnie?
00:29We've got some very interesting people on the show tonight. We've got Chas Chase, The New World, Tina Charles.
00:35We had hoped to have a team of Eskimo dancers on the show, but at the last moment they got cold feet.
00:42We'll be interviewing the only remaining handsome cab driver in London and asking, why are all the others so ugly?
00:51And we should be speaking to a man who's lived for 60 years on nothing but carrots and oysters.
00:55The carrots give him the ability to see in the dark and the oysters give him the ability.
01:03We must apologise for a fault in today's farming programme, Compost for Beginners.
01:09Vision and sound both failed and the programme continued in smell only.
01:14And now some news of programme changes. Due to the party political broadcast, last week's edition of this week will be repeated tonight,
01:21replacing tonight's edition of today, which was shown yesterday.
01:25This means that tonight, tomorrow's world will be shown in place of all our yesterdays, the 9 o'clock news will be at a quarter past 11,
01:30and the midnight movie High Noon is replaced by Breakfast at Tiffany's.
01:35And the morning story will be read by Robin Day later in the afternoon, just after a book at bedtime.
01:40If any of you find this at all confusing, please write to the BBC and we will forward an informative pamphlet entitled How to Knit.
01:47Thieves broke into the National Fish Museum today and stole 17 stuffed trout and a chub.
01:53Police arrested a man four foot two tall, but threw him back as he was too small.
01:59A man who got away was said to be 23 feet tall and weighing 726 pounds.
02:05Now it's time once again to consider the state of the party.
02:09First time for me, and second time for Lewis Haddoff.
02:14I say, I haven't finished, I haven't finished. Let me get you another drink.
02:16Oh, thank you.
02:17Thank you very much.
02:21Hello there, how are you?
02:23Enjoying yourself?
02:25Yes, you have.
02:25Very nice, sir. It's a very nice party.
02:28Oh, thank you, Robert.
02:31I wonder if I might, um, I wonder if I might use your bathroom?
02:35Yes, certainly, yes. It's up the stairs, first on the right and the last one on the left.
02:39I say, it's a funny time to be having a bath, isn't it?
02:42Wouldn't you prefer a drink?
02:44I'm not going to, uh, have a bath.
02:45Oh, I see. Well, there's nothing else much you can do in there.
02:48There's just a bath in there, you know.
02:51Just a bath?
02:51Yes.
02:54No, um, no other things?
02:57No.
02:59Oh.
03:00Only I, uh, I, you know, I, I rather wanted to, um, you know, uh, see a, see a man about a dog.
03:06Well, old Griffith over there, he's a vet.
03:11No, not a real dog.
03:12Oh, I see.
03:13No, I just wanted to sort of, um, you know, wash my hands and, and generally, you know, go upstairs.
03:21Oh, well, there's no need to go upstairs. You can wash them in the kitchen.
03:24Okay.
03:25No, no, I hardly think that would be right, surely.
03:28I want, no, I wanted to use the smallest room.
03:31Yes, well, that would be Camilla's bedroom, but she's asleep at the moment.
03:35I mean, there is a little brush cupboard under the stairs, if you like.
03:40No, you don't seem to understand what I mean, you know.
03:42If I said I wanted to inspect the plumbing, would you understand what I mean?
03:47Yeah.
03:48What, well, that's what I want to do.
03:50I want to inspect the plumbing.
03:52But you'd get filthy, I'll tell you.
03:54I want to inspect the plumbing.
03:56But you'd get filthy, I'll tell you.
04:00No, you don't.
04:00I'm going to be absolutely frank with you.
04:02I, um, I want to do ones.
04:15Ones?
04:19Yes, ones.
04:21Ones what?
04:24What do you mean, ones what?
04:27Ones, ones.
04:29Ones, number ones.
04:32I want to do number ones.
04:35I want to be excused.
04:37I want to spend a penny.
04:38I want to go to the lavatory.
04:41Yes, I want to go to the lavatory.
04:46Well, why didn't you say so?
04:48Julia, Robert wants to go and sit on the donut in Granny's greenhouse.
05:23Oh, from the last red rose, the last red rose, and the honey wind blows, the petals fall, and the summer goes, the summer goes,
05:52and the honey wind blows.
06:08And now it seems that the world and I have grown just a little bit older.
06:15I sit alone, and the summer will go, and the honey wind blows, the honey wind blows, and the days grow colder,
06:40and somehow the world and I have grown just that little bit older.
06:50I sit alone, where the fire glows, the fire glows, and the honey wind blows.
07:06I sit alone, and the good Lord knows, I love you so, when the honey wind blows.
07:36Lovely, thank you very much.
07:52I hope you don't mind, you know, a little wave to my family.
07:55Only this morning, we had a very big argument with the kiddies about staying up late to watch Daddy.
08:01They wanted to go to bed.
08:07I know my wife will be watching, you know, if only to check on where I get to on Saturday nights.
08:12I don't know why they lock these pianos, you know.
08:16Something about ivory poachers.
08:21Here's the key under the mat.
08:23Open it up.
08:24There we are.
08:25Lovely.
08:26Goodness me.
08:27By the look of these keys, the elephant must have smoked himself to death.
08:31I...
08:34Oh dear.
08:38Oh, the sound can't get out.
08:49Needs a tune as well.
08:50That was supposed to be tea for two.
08:53Actually, why I wanted the piano here tonight was not so much to play it,
08:56although a quick arpeggio would never hurt anyone,
08:59but have you ever thought that if Logie Baird hadn't invented television,
09:04we could all be out enjoying ourselves?
09:07I could actually be sitting here all night, you know.
09:09I may have to.
09:09I've got one foot caught under the pedals.
09:12I was...
09:13I was going to...
09:15I was going to relate an incident years ago when I played the piano in a public house.
09:19I did, honestly.
09:20You know, it's incredible really, isn't it,
09:22when you see me sitting here in a Harley Street sweater and alligator socks.
09:25And it's not easy getting the socks off an alligator.
09:28Yes, I used to play the piano in a pub, you know, just sort of background music.
09:39I used to get 30 bob off the publican just to sit at the piano for a couple of hours,
09:43or two quid off the customers to sit somewhere else.
09:47Not much money by today's standards.
09:49Wasn't a hell of a lot then, either.
09:51But they were hard times, very hard times.
09:54Very hard times.
09:54You know, I used to lie awake at night making plans to ambush meals on wheels.
10:02I remember...
10:03I remember I broke my glasses.
10:06Broke the glasses.
10:06The lens was completely smashed and I couldn't afford to replace it.
10:09So I had it boarded up.
10:12I was two years squinting through a knot hole.
10:17Now, you've got to believe...
10:18You've got to believe all this, or what is coming will seem ridiculous.
10:23So anyway, this particular night, just before closing time, it was a Saturday,
10:28and all the customers were singing away.
10:30They were singing Verdi's Requiem Mass.
10:33That's how I remember it was a Saturday.
10:35God, they were a wild bunch.
10:37And I was playing...
10:45And suddenly, this man shouted out,
10:48That piano playing is terrible, he said.
10:50I've got an old cat at home that can play better than that.
10:53Well, it all went quiet.
10:55Not as quiet as this.
10:58But quiet.
11:00And my mother, my mother, who had been sitting quietly in the corner,
11:04taking the back off a fruit machine...
11:13Jumped to her foot.
11:18Did I tell you she had a wooden leg?
11:21Jumped to her foot.
11:22I knew it was her, I knew it was her.
11:24I could see her through the knot hole.
11:27She said, Sir, what's your name?
11:29McHugh, said he.
11:30McHugh.
11:31He was Irish, by extraction.
11:34He once had a tooth out in Dublin.
11:36She said, Sir, are you out of your mind, or have you been drinking the bitter?
11:39He said, I'll show you.
11:40So he goes out, and he comes back with this old moggy cat.
11:43The cat jumps on the piano stool, and the man puts a piece of music on the stand.
11:47And he said to the publican, now, this is a little bit he wrote himself.
11:49Just listen to this.
11:51And the cat sat there and started to play.
11:53Now, wasn't a brilliant pianist.
11:55I'm not going to pretend it was for a minute.
11:58Quite a nice touch.
12:00Couldn't quite reach the pedals of the back of the machine.
12:04Anyway, finished the piece, finished the piece.
12:07And the publican said, do you mean to tell me that old cat wrote that music?
12:11He said, that's marvellous, he said.
12:13Why don't you get it orchestrated?
12:15Well, the cat jumped off that stool and was out of the building.
12:46You may recall, dear patient reader, how in the previous chapter, I related my adventures in the Crimean War.
12:55After the garrison had been evacuated, I had attempted to return to England.
13:00But sad to say, I had not sufficient money to complete my journey.
13:05And had arrived in Paris penniless.
13:09But fate was once again to place its gentle finger upon me,
13:12in the person of a well-known painter, one Toulouse-Lautrec.
13:18Bonjour, mademoiselle.
13:20Good day, sir.
13:21May I join you?
13:22Oh, I would indeed be honoured.
13:24It's wonderful.
13:25Thank you very much, you're very kind.
13:26Pierre, some coffee, please.
13:28Oui, monsieur.
13:37Angelique.
13:43Pierre, even you have your uses.
13:47Are you not monsieur Lautrec?
13:50I trust you do not object to my forwardness?
13:53No, I'm just looking at it.
13:55It is very beautiful, my dear.
13:57I am indeed, as you say, Toulouse-Lautrec.
14:00And you very well might be the girl I've been searching for, for all these years.
14:08I wonder, my dear, if you could lend me a hundred francs.
14:10Only, I appear to be rather short this week.
14:14You appear to be rather short every week.
14:17You haven't paid the rent for three months.
14:20Rent? For that fleurinatic?
14:22Le Corbeau, monsieur le Corbeau sur un aperte,
14:24je ne comprends pas votre phrase.
14:25Monsieur le Corbeau, je ne comprends pas votre phrase.
14:28Oh, la, la, la.
14:29D'où vous êtes venu, monsieur Lautrec?
14:31Je vous envoie un appel, les parents.
14:33Je ne sais pas parler en anglais.
14:35Oh, oh, il y a un italien qui chante tout,
14:37il chante tout à fond.
14:39Oh, c'est beau, c'est beau.
14:41Ballon!
14:45Fortunately, I did not understand the language.
14:49But the argument soon blew over,
14:51and monsieur Lautrec began again to persuade me to model for him.
14:59And thus it was that an hour later,
15:01I found myself accompanying him to his studio above the café.
15:09Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
15:13Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
15:15Oui, do you want me, monsieur Lautrec?
15:17Ah, let me...
15:18What's happened to your beard?
15:20I've taken it off.
15:21Entwistle British intelligence.
15:23Not a word, my dear, we might be overheard.
15:25Sufficient to say that I'm searching for some secret papers,
15:28and I have every reason to believe
15:30that Pierre, the café proprietor, has them.
15:32Oh.
15:33Yes, indeed.
15:34Now, I'm looking for a British girl,
15:35preferably British,
15:36who can pose as my model.
15:38Do you understand?
15:39Yes.
15:39And share with me my dirty, mucky secret.
15:42Oh, what secret?
15:43The fact that I can't paint for Toffee.
15:46How do you manage to keep up the pretence
15:48of being a great painter?
15:49Well, it's rather a clever device, my dear,
15:50thought up by British intelligence.
15:52The paintings are drawn out back at HQ,
15:55and I fill in the colours according to a code.
15:57Each colour has a number.
16:00Bonsoir.
16:02Quick.
16:03He mustn't see you with your clothes on, dear.
16:05If he looks suspicious, take them off.
16:06But there isn't time.
16:07Go behind the screen, my dear.
16:08Pierre, your supper.
16:12Coming, monsieur.
16:13Don't forget your beard.
16:20Well, uh...
16:26Oh, oh, there you are, monsieur.
16:28Are you just going out?
16:29No, I've just come back in, yes.
16:31Oh, I have brought some supper
16:32for your little girl also.
16:35Where, where is she?
16:36Je ne sais pas.
16:37She is undressing behind the screen.
16:39Oh, mademoiselle, supper is here.
16:41Make haste, or your noodles will get cold.
16:45Pierre, I insist you leave us alone.
16:47Very well, monsieur.
16:48I will leave you with your little bedmate.
16:50She is not my bedmate, Pierre.
16:52She will have to be.
16:53There is only one bed.
16:54So I sleep on the floor.
16:56I myself would find that very hard.
16:59Oh, I could sleep on a clothesline.
17:01Oh, that's a good idea.
17:02You could hang yourself up on your little hook.
17:07And so began my new career
17:08as a model for British intelligence.
17:11It seemed to be one long round
17:12of dressing and undressing.
17:15It was hard work,
17:16but it certainly achieved results.
17:19After three weeks,
17:20Mr Entwistle's technique
17:21had improved enormously.
17:26But Pierre had begun to press
17:27his intentions upon me,
17:29especially when Mr Entwistle
17:31was not present.
17:33And on one occasion,
17:35he completely overstepped
17:36the bounds of gentlemanly conduct.
17:54This was too much for Mr Entwistle.
17:56His honour was at stake.
18:06The duel was arranged for the following morning
18:08at eight o'clock.
18:35One, two, three, four...
19:05No.
19:06Daisy!
19:35No!
19:36No!
19:37No!
19:38No!
19:39No!
19:40No!
19:41No!
19:42No!
19:43No!
19:44No!
19:45No!
19:46No!
19:47No!
19:48No!
19:49No!
19:50No!
19:51No!
19:52No!
19:53No!
19:54No!
19:55No!
19:56No!
19:57No!
19:58No!
19:59No!
20:00No!
20:01No!
20:02No!
20:03No!
20:04No!
20:05No!
20:06No!
20:07No!
20:08No!
20:09No!
20:10No!
20:11No!
20:16No!
20:17No!
20:23Poor Tgr!
20:24That was the last I was to see of Mr. Entwhistle.
20:28old gentleman recovered from his blow on the head and he drove me back to his
20:32country house. he suggested that I stay for a bit but I declined. I had already
20:40resolved to set my sights once more on dear old England. and so the kind
20:47gentleman dispatched me forthwith to Dover with an introduction to a wealthy
20:51friend of his who was in need of a housekeeper for his seat in the country.
21:10what a feeling of dread suddenly overcame me. what sort of house had I
21:16come to?
21:19what manner of man was I to encounter within these gloomy walls?
21:50welcome to Doomsday Hall, my dear.
21:57winter froze the river and winter birds don't sing so winter makes you shiver. time is gonna bring you spring.
22:27you've been running, you've been rambling, and you don't know what to do.
22:35a holy way to say that love will see you through.
22:42time and love, everybody. time and love. nothing pure as life. time and love.
22:56don't let it ever fool you. here comes the dust. nothing pure like time and love.
23:12winter froze the river and winter birds don't sing so winter makes you shiver.
23:22time is gonna bring you spring. so he says he'll never marry. says that troubles are a curse.
23:34just leave him to go on the next train if love don't get there first.
23:42time and love, everybody. time and love. nothing pure as life. time and love.
23:54don't let it ever fool you. here comes the dust. nothing pure as life. time and love.
24:10now a woman is a fighter. gathered white war as we can. a woman is a woman inside.
24:22a woman is a woman inside. a woman is a woman inside. a woman is a woman inside.
24:42time and love. don't let it ever fool you. here comes the dust. nothing pure like time and love.
24:58time and love. everybody. time and love.
25:14next. ah good evening. good evening. mr. Thomson isn't it? yes that's right. ah well mr. Thomson you see the trouble is
25:30this. it's this uh it's this blessed pain in my leg here you see. I've been getting these uh
25:36a terrible throbbing pain just in my knee here like this. I mean I was all right on a Saturday night
25:40but I did a bit of digging on the Sunday and I just can't walk about at all now you see. no no
25:43well I've come to see you. oh I know and I appreciate it. I do appreciate it. especially uh
25:48especially with all this flu going about at the moment. you must be awfully busy. no no I've come
25:52to see you about my arm. oh did you? yes. oh I see. you came to see me about your arm. yes. oh I see. oh yes.
25:59well
26:02why why me? well because
26:15I came to see you because because you're a doctor.
26:19oh I am the doctor. yes. oh I see I'm the doctor. oh I'm the doctor am I? oh I see. I am the doctor.
26:26I am the doctor. good morning. good morning doctor. oh yes I see what you mean yes.
26:30I must be the doctor. hello doctor here. yes it sounds very good. yes. hello nurse. yes doctor. oh
26:37yes you're quite right. oh yes no question of it. now which part of Spain did you want to go to?
26:46no I've come to see you. the lower half of Spain's awfully nice at this time of year. a bit crowded
26:50but I see what I can do. uh nurse would you bring in the Torremolinos sunshine holiday brochures
26:54you're a doctor. oh oh we're not uh we're not arranging people's holiday bookings at the
26:58moment. no. oh I'm awfully sorry. no we can't accept any more holiday bookings just at the
27:03minute. no I didn't come to see you about holiday bookings. ah theater bookings was it? I can help
27:07you there. no no no and I come to see you about my arm you see. I am a patient and you're a doctor.
27:12oh I'm the doctor. oh yes I keep I have to write that down large letters. yes d-o-c-k-t-e-r doctor.
27:20yes oh yes yes I see now yes I've got it. right uh what can I do for you doctor?
27:26no I'm not a doctor. oh you're not a doctor. oh dear we're wasting each other's time here.
27:31I think I'll be off then. no no I'm I'm the chartered severe. oh you're the charted severe.
27:35oh now we're getting somewhere. right right and last week last week I broke my arm. broke your
27:41arm yes. it has been set in plaster. set in plaster. but I think it's getting worse. think it's getting
27:45worse. causing me more pain. causing more pain. and I can't sleep at night. you can't sleep at night.
27:50what should I do? well I think we should see a doctor. don't don't break it. you'll break it.
27:58just sit there a minute. I'll be with you in a minute. I've got a couple of uh now where are we?
28:03oh uh how is it? how is it mr Jenkinson? they're a bit tight I think doctor. oh are they right? I'll
28:08uh I'll just uh just a minute. I've got something else in here. I'll have a look for you. oh yes
28:13try a pair of these. try a pair of those. I think you'll fit. they're a bit more expensive but they're
28:18awfully smart. good night to you. that's it. now then who's who's next? me. oh you yes yes. well
28:24what can I do for you? well this arm is getting increasingly it is getting increasingly more
28:28painful. all right yes come over here. just uh just lie down on the couch. take off your coat
28:33and I'll have a look at your trousers for you. that's it. a half a pound of jelly babies please.
28:38oh I'm afraid we're out of jelly babies mrs B. we've only got mint humbugs at the minute.
28:44fine doctor I'll have them. all right I think you'll be satisfied with those.
28:50that'll be uh oh I've made another pair there if you'd like.
28:58that's more like it. that's a decent piece of paper. put them down there. that'll be eight pounds
29:02fifty. eight and a half quid as we used to say. yeah there we go. right thank you very much. let's
29:09just stick a bit of that on there. a wee bandage. there we go. I don't think you can go far wrong
29:14in those. you'll have a go if you like. I mean you can try. thank you very much. uh I'll just uh
29:20thank you. all right oh and I've got those for you. uh there's about 24 there so they should last
29:26you through the winter. uh how many should I take doctor? oh no you don't take them. no they're extra
29:29fly buttons. you never know do you? mind your head on the way out won't you? yes now how's
29:37it getting on now? a quarter of licorice all sorts. quarter of licorice all sorts. certainly
29:42mrs b. always glad to oblige at any time. there we are. that's it. oh my goodness. that's it.
29:50one for luck. now then I'm afraid we haven't got any any smaller bags than this.
29:57there we go. lovely.
30:01how much was that? well whatever you've got in your hand if you're in that sort of position.
30:10can you read that all right? goodbye. goodbye Jonathan. mind your head on the way out won't you?
30:17yeah that's it. right who's next? oh you over here. come along lady. look I think we're both wasting
30:24each other's time here. you think so? yes I haven't uh I must be honest with you I haven't come to see
30:29you about my arm. ah now you're talking. pull up a bentwood and sit down. yes I uh I want I want a
30:35new car. oh ah that's more like it. nurse would you come in please? uh was it the alvis in the
30:40window you were interested in? that's the one I am. would you show mr Thompson the alvis in the
30:43window please nurse? yes. thank you. don't bother to mind your head on the way out.
30:48oh no ladies how are you getting on in here?
31:13so
31:43so
32:13so
32:43so
33:13so
33:43so
33:57so
34:13hmm
34:27so
34:37so
34:54good evening last month on this program we dealt with the reverend w.a. spooner
34:59of new college oxford initiator of the spoonerism the man who once said to his congregation
35:05now let us preel and nay and confess the dongs we have run
35:11success of our profile on spooner has led to a new western musical
35:15which closed last week in rehearsal here then is an excerpt from the show
35:26ah what a doubly lay it is oh it does feel up to be good in the morning
35:33where is my lovely wife Millicent she surely can't be Bill instead
35:37a still in bed oh I forgot she's gone to have her pigworm
35:43but she should be back by now Millicent did you call will you ah good milling
35:50happy anniversary dear number five oh thank you William I knew you needed a central of bot
35:59uh of subtle event uh perfume oh yes I did yes and are you still taking me out tonight
36:06sweetenly my cert I want you to go away and put on your hideous little prat
36:13I have reserved our usual nosy little cook and ordered your favorite meal
36:18chalk pops and dotted spic wonderful ah but if only our place was still open
36:26the restaurant you took me to the day we met oh William
36:34I still remember that table for two where close together we'd sit
36:41in that bohemian cafe we knew somewhere in Notting Hill get
36:47it I still remember how sweetly you'd slurp it was delectable mocks
36:56rooms were my favorite course mine was roast horse and beef radish sauce
37:03glances at each other we stole hating to miss a glimpse over the check-in kisser roll
37:13and the shrutted pimps
37:17I still remember that melon with ham followed of course by roast ladle of Sam
37:24we haven't changed since 1882
37:31I'm still your bill I'm still your
37:34so my bill my silly moon
37:52oh William I forgot there's a gentleman waiting to see you a Mr. Armstrong he says you haven't
37:58filled in your census form I'll send him in Mr. Armstrong ah good morning Dr. Spooner my name is
38:04Mr. Armstrong ah how do you arm Mr. Dewstrong Armstrong nevertheless I'm demeated to like you
38:11my wife has just gone away to make us a nice tot of pea I didn't come here to drink tea I'm afraid
38:18no I came to see you about the census all right don't get your knickers in a twist oh I did that
38:23one right I'm sorry don't get your twisters in a nick what do you want well I want to know for
38:30example beside yourself and your wife if there are any other people uh domiciled or resident
38:35in this domicile well I have a university colleague staying with me who is writing a
38:39thesis on songs of the wild west entitled fire near poke music would you like to hear one well
38:46I don't think so oh then show yourself
38:52it was round up time at Cherokee landing and the cows were randy for bedding ready for branding
39:01I was playing cards with slim and watching his moves when I thought I heard the distant
39:07pounding of hooves
39:11I couldn't quite stifle just for safety's sake I picked up my rusty trifle
39:18when in gallop a gorgeous gal in spangles and crystals threateningly pandishing her bristles
39:27damaging bristles pounding hooves really Dr. Spooner this is letting us go where
39:32going us network getting us nowhere is that what you're sighing to tray
39:38well what do you wish to know well I wish to know complete details of your family where you were
39:44born your earnings and so forth if you will dictate them to me I will poppy them all in a
39:48little bit of caper yeah well I was scorned in bottland and my wife was worn in bales
39:56I have one don and two sorters that's one me male and two fails domestically we're over daft
40:02and postly undergrade there's hairy she's the mouse keeper and moosey she's the lady
40:09forgive me for asking but could you take it slower please it's not that I am doubting a
40:14guinness stir of mod it's just that my ears haven't quite become accustomed to
40:19the manner of your speaking and it owns a little sod
40:23well there's harry he's the gardener there's gary he's the hardener and colin he's the
40:28boot boy and bollin does the coots there's melanie the tweenie maid young in between the lemonade
40:34and bertie is my doggie ah little dirty bog my mother comes from britain my father comes from
40:41turkey so your mother she is titish and your father he's a book and you'll be very glad to
40:48see that that concludes the inventory I think that you'll admit that it's a lovely wab of jerk
40:55wab of jerk wab of jerk mr deustrong your words are not making sense not making sense
41:02poppy dash and baldercock really I've never heard anything so relifueless in all my dick
41:09I must ask you to leave my house at once I'm going don't worry if you prefer
41:13heave your louse yes I shall certainly heave your louse if you don't want the line I'll have it
41:23I shall heave your louse this is a nightmare a mightnare I tell you
41:27my hound is going red in circles not making sense oh how bare he the dastard
41:37has he gone has he gone good gracious me has he gone of course as from now on
41:42I am house of this head hold but mr Armstrong no buts mrs Spooner I am not as confused as I seem
41:51now look from now on and you can go up these clothes and take your stairs off straight away
41:56and talking of stairs we'll stare this up for a tot
42:12a little through his shoe and now at last the time has come to dish you all
42:16a-hoo so it's toodle-pip ta-da a crappy isthmus to you all from the mister and the mattress
42:42thank you well that's all for this week next week we'll discuss assistant headmasters who
42:50pose in school photographs and ask should they stand by their principals
42:57and and we'll be looking at nudists and asking can they show us a thing or two
43:04and finally a late news flash we've just heard that Raquel Welsh has been signed
43:08to play Quasimodo in the new film entitled the hunch front of Notre Dame
43:12and now and now it's good night from me and it's good night from him good night
43:42so
44:12you