Relic Hunter S01e01 Buddha's Bowl
Category
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TVTranscript
01:30♪♪
01:40♪♪
01:47He's a fake! It's just a trick!
01:49-♪♪
01:59-♪♪
02:09-♪♪
02:19-♪♪
02:27Do not be envious of thy neighbor's gatherings.
02:30♪♪
02:40♪♪
02:51It is not the bowl you want.
02:54Believe in yourself, and you will receive
02:56all the riches you need.
02:58♪♪
03:08♪♪
03:18♪♪
03:28The net is unbelievable.
03:30It's like having the world's biggest store
03:31right on your desk.
03:33I mean, you can shop for anything at any time.
03:36It's like this gigandous mall.
03:38I'm telling you, you've got to try it.
03:41Like, you can even take your own photo
03:43and put it into the computer,
03:44and then try on clothes.
03:47I swear to God, it's amazing.
03:50Well, no, I'm not exactly sure how it works,
03:53but you should see how cool stuff looks on me.
03:56Particularly the pastels.
03:58Except for cucumber.
04:00Totally sucks.
04:01Makes me look like I have malaria or something.
04:04You have to get that.
04:07Gotta go.
04:09I'm all ears.
04:11I'm here to see Professor Sydney Fox.
04:13She's in class.
04:15I see.
04:16You a new student?
04:18No, no, I'm actually...
04:20Well, I'm her new teaching assistant.
04:23Uh-huh.
04:28After such a secluded education in Cambridge,
04:31you can imagine how nervous I was
04:32to learn a position in America.
04:34Silly to you, I'm sure.
04:35Obviously, once I got here, I was quite put at ease.
04:39Is there anything I should know?
05:02No!
05:24No!
05:28You must be Nigel.
05:33Your demonstration was so wonderfully unusual.
05:40Was it the Maori or the San Blas Indians?
05:45It was actually a composite of several tribal cultures
05:48that embody similar methods of killing.
05:50The most important thing at the beginning of the term
05:53is to get the students excited about history
05:56and hungry for more.
05:58Right.
05:59Otherwise, history just becomes an exercise
06:01in memorizing things from books.
06:04Blaine wants to see you.
06:06Said he'd meet you on the quad.
06:08On my way.
06:10I thought it would be you following her now.
06:15Blaine is?
06:16Curator of the museum.
06:18Lots of laughs.
06:21Robert?
06:22Sydney.
06:23This is my new teaching assistant, Nigel Bailey.
06:26What's this about?
06:28They're from a village in Nepal.
06:30They're positive that you can help them find the Buddha's bowl.
06:34The alms bowl that Siddhartha threw away?
06:36Mm-hmm. They claim to know where it is.
06:38Traveled 10,000 miles just to see you.
06:40Will talk to nobody else.
06:43I'll take my leave now.
06:45Is there anything I should know?
06:59We have discovered an ancient map.
07:05We now know the exact location of the bowl.
07:09150 years ago.
07:11The people of Kushnagar, where we are from...
07:14The place where Buddha died.
07:16...are building a monument.
07:18We want to put Buddha's bowl in a place of honor
07:21as a testament to his teachings.
07:23Oh, I really would like to help you, but...
07:26The people of the village have collected these.
07:35Why did Buddha throw it away in the first place?
07:38It became more trouble than it was worth.
07:40It was believed to have never run out of coins.
07:42Every time it was empty, it filled up again.
07:44I don't understand the problem.
07:46Do you mean to say that you're actually going to?
07:48I mean, now, traveling for the purpose of...
07:51Looks like Lumbini.
07:53She is.
07:54Lumbini Gardens, Nepal.
07:56Really?
07:58Some sort of fish? Golden koi?
08:01And so are you.
08:08Chan, look at this!
08:10I happen to know Chan, and pardon me for saying this,
08:12but you're in deep doo-doo.
08:14I mean, you've taken this trading company
08:16that's been in your family for...
08:18for generations and managed to single-handedly,
08:21because of your lust for fancy cars and expensive women,
08:23or is it fancy women and expensive cars,
08:25and managed to sink it into oblivion.
08:27That's not true.
08:28Oh, really? Come off it, Chan.
08:30It's nearly beyond life support.
08:32Now, I know it, and you know it.
08:34The only person who doesn't know it yet is your father.
08:37And thank God, because it would really break his heart.
08:41Oh, get it back.
08:43You and how many Ghanifs.
08:46I, on the other hand,
08:48know a way for you to bring it back from the dead.
08:50Get it back in a big way.
08:52Not interested.
08:53All right. Suit yourself, Channy.
08:56Hello?
08:58Yes, Father.
09:23I know this isn't what you were expecting.
09:27Not exactly.
09:29I just thought when I checked yes for travel
09:32on the job application form,
09:34that it more or less meant
09:36the occasional lecture in Boston or something.
09:38Not that I'm not intrigued by being here.
09:40I mean, the end of the world.
09:43But on my first day?
09:45And then I met your assistant.
09:47Claudia.
09:49She certainly didn't let on there be anything more than that.
09:52I mean, she doesn't share your love of history
09:54unless it can be bought.
09:56It is unfortunate.
09:58Her father's a friend of the college.
10:00That's why she's there.
10:02Her love of history begins and ends with Marilyn.
10:04Monroe?
10:06Manson.
10:07A lovely girl, I'm sure.
10:09You're going to like the hunt, Nigel.
10:11I can tell.
10:13Once we get to Lumbini,
10:15finding the gardens shouldn't be difficult.
10:17Lumbini Gardens?
10:19It sounds peaceful, doesn't it?
10:48Clark is correct.
10:50The Golden Koi is in here somewhere.
10:52You poke around in here. I'll see what's downstairs.
10:54Right.
11:18Shh.
11:20It's all right.
11:22It's all right.
11:24It's all right.
11:26It's all right.
11:28It's all right.
11:38Yeah!
11:40Yeah!
11:42Yeah!
11:45Oh, yeah!
11:47Oh, yeah!
11:49Yeah!
12:14Yeah!
12:30The koi.
12:44The koi.
13:06Got to go.
13:08Hey, wait a minute. You can't leave yet.
13:10I'm just starting to get ahead a little here.
13:12Sweet cheeks.
13:14Sweet cheeks?
13:16Never mind. You have the koi, don't you?
13:18What? You mean this little old thing?
13:22You don't think I just came down here for my health, do you?
13:24I mean, this isn't exactly Bermuda, is it?
13:26How did you get here?
13:28Well, these three weirdos, villagers from Kushinagar,
13:30came by, and they showed me this little map.
13:32Then they tried to hire me
13:34with about 20 bucks' worth of worthless tokens.
13:36Can you imagine?
13:38Hey!
13:41Let go of her!
13:43Dewey!
13:45Let go of her!
13:47Dewey!
13:57Sidney, they're calling the authorities!
13:59I could go to jail!
14:03Imagine what jail's like around here.
14:11There goes the koi.
14:16And my watch.
14:30What's he saying?
14:32We're screwed.
14:37Miss Edenson, are you going to be all right?
14:39Water, please. Water.
14:41Well, why don't you get her some water?
14:43Can't you see how upset she is?
14:45It's going to be all right.
14:47Well, I'll get it myself.
14:58Come on, let's go!
15:00I'm late for my fourth gallon of sake!
15:09Go!
15:40Oh, my God!
15:53Check, see what...
16:09Oh, my God!
16:31The next stop, once we have the koi,
16:33would have been Bodgaya.
16:35I'm sure that's where he's going.
16:37It's not important.
16:52Michael.
16:54I just thought you should know.
16:56There's been increasing interest in the company.
16:58Really?
17:00That's good news, Father.
17:02I trust the profit and loss statements are up to date?
17:05Absolutely.
17:07Good.
17:09I'd like you to prepare the entire financial package for me.
17:11Right away.
17:23Michael!
17:25Don't worry, I got the koi!
17:27I don't understand.
17:29It's a long story, you're going to have to trust me,
17:31but the koi is the key!
17:33Koi is the key.
17:36Yes, sir?
17:38Get me a ticket to Bodgaya.
17:45Let's get on the train, get out of these things.
17:47When we get to Bodgaya, we'll find a nice hotel,
17:50have a bath and a glass of whatever they call wine.
18:04Koi!
18:25In interpreting the tree bark,
18:27it seems to me that the koi was just one of many.
18:29Really?
18:30Yes, there were several.
18:32I mean...
18:33One is not enough, it's all part of a mosaic.
18:35But Stewie has the koi.
18:37Yes, and he knows we know he's got the koi.
18:39I know he knows we know.
18:41And he knows I know he knows.
18:43I'm not sure I'm following this.
18:45Point is, we have to be on guard.
18:47Operate on the basis that he can be anywhere.
18:49That's why I think you're the best, sweet cheeks.
19:03Shhh!
19:05Hello there, Kemosabes!
19:34I hope that you can help me.
19:39Do any of you know what this means?
19:43What it's used for?
19:44This koi, yes, it's supposed to be from this area.
19:51Many of them.
19:52Does it ring a bell?
19:55You should forget about it.
19:57Oh, yeah?
19:59And why is that?
20:00It is best you not know, but you should forget you saw it.
20:04Look, if it's money you guys want, I'm fresh out of beads, you know?
20:10Wait a minute.
20:13Hey, what about this?
20:17Very expensive, very expensive.
20:20Look, multi-time zones.
20:23Yeah.
20:25You can keep that, Kemosabes, all you gotta do is tell me about this koi.
20:29It's the key.
20:31All right, which one of you is gonna step up and part with the goods, huh?
20:36I will.
20:44Like you said, the koi's the key.
20:51Water.
20:52The fountain holds the answer.
20:55Water.
20:56Yes.
20:59Water.
21:05Excuse me, but the watch you see is actually mine, and it was stolen in Mbini.
21:17Fountain holds the answer.
21:19Right.
21:21It's not even a fish pond here.
21:24Well, it can't be this fountain.
21:26Why not?
21:27Because it's relatively new.
21:28The one we're looking for had to have been built well over 200 years ago.
21:32Right.
21:33It's gotta be another fountain.
21:58That's better.
22:05Seven koi? It would never be.
22:09What do you mean?
22:11An odd number, completely unlucky, just would never be.
22:28Water.
22:38Now what?
22:39I have no idea.
22:57Water.
23:28You all right?
23:29Fine.
23:30Fine.
23:34Let's go.
23:40Nigel.
23:41No, really, I'm fine, not a problem.
23:43Nigel.
23:44No, really, I'm...
23:45Ah! Beetles!
23:46Ah!
23:47Ah!
23:48Ah!
23:49Ah!
23:50Ah!
23:51Ah!
23:52Ah!
23:53Ah!
23:54Ah!
23:55Ah!
23:56Ah!
23:57Ah!
23:58Ah!
23:59Ah!
24:00Ah!
24:01Ah!
24:02Ah!
24:03Ah!
24:04Ah!
24:05Ah!
24:06Ah!
24:07Ah!
24:08Ah!
24:09Ah!
24:10Ah!
24:11Ah!
24:12Ah!
24:13Ah!
24:14Ah!
24:15Ah!
24:16Ah!
24:17Ah!
24:18Ah!
24:19Ah!
24:20Ah!
24:21Ah!
24:22Ah!
24:23Ah!
24:24Ah!
24:25Ah!
24:26Ah!
24:27Ah!
24:28Ah!
24:29Ah!
24:30Ah!
24:31Ah!
24:32Ah!
24:33This is not exactly what I bargained for.
24:37According to the guide the Bodhi Tree should be just over the next ridge.
24:43Ah!
24:49Ah!
24:58If this is it, where's the Buddha?
25:05I don't know.
25:19Now what?
25:21I don't know.
25:24No.
25:27We've come to a dead end.
25:30Looks that way.
25:43This is the right spot, I'm sure of it.
25:46Maybe we should go back and talk to the guides.
25:50Get up.
25:51What?
25:52Get up.
25:53What is it?
25:55We couldn't find the Buddha because he was right under our noses.
25:59We were sitting on him.
26:01What bloody place is the Buddha?
26:03Fallen over.
26:05The bowl must be somewhere inside.
26:07Getting inside?
26:09That's what the eye meant.
26:11Buddha taught that the third eye was the way into our souls, our inner beings.
26:16The eyes.
26:17The eyes.
26:22The eyes.
26:39Look, I have got to get out of here.
26:44Okay?
26:45Me go.
26:48All right.
26:50What gives?
26:52An offering is required for your release.
26:55An offering?
26:57That is correct.
26:59Look, do you know who I am, Kemosabe?
27:18Well, this is it.
27:21The third eye.
27:23The repository of all knowledge.
27:25Come and see a thing.
27:47All right, so it was a different eye.
28:02I think you got rid of him.
28:12Better to have the bugs on the outside of the shirt than on the inside, Tarzan.
28:24All right, all right.
28:26Look, you just give me a second.
28:28I'm going to call my boss and I'm going to have him wire me some bugs, okay?
28:39Cell phone.
28:44You call people, anybody, anytime, anywhere.
28:48No wires.
28:50Just a lot of exorbitant roaming charges.
28:53Hey, cell phone.
28:56Nokia 6100 Digital with voice enhancement.
29:01Look, you tell me where they are and it's yours.
29:14It's enormous.
29:24Maybe the Buddha will give us a sign.
29:33Oh!
29:35We're obviously not the first to come looking for it.
29:38Let's just hope we're more successful.
29:47Oh!
29:57Whoa!
30:01No!
30:12The Buddha teaches the way to nirvana is moderation, not abstinence.
30:15Partaking, not denying.
30:17Which is why his belly is so large.
30:20We'll find the bowl in the belly?
30:22I'm convinced of it.
30:24Oh!
30:27Pooches.
30:40All over the place.
30:42They're just roaches, Sydney.
30:44I hate roaches.
30:46Well, granted, they're not very pleasant, but they are just bugs.
30:49They're not bugs, they're roaches.
30:51Nobody likes roaches.
30:53Even people that like snakes don't like roaches.
30:57There must be hundreds of them.
30:59Your imagination is getting the better of you.
31:00There aren't that many of them.
31:22You see?
31:23We've made our way past the worst of them.
31:29What's that?
31:31I can't make it out.
31:37Oh.
31:40Let's just get through them fast.
31:41There must be another way through.
31:43This is the only way to the belly of the Buddha.
31:46Well, well.
31:47Having problems there, sweet cheeks?
31:49Who'd you expect, Mahatma Gandhi?
31:51Mind if I play through?
31:53Roaches, huh?
31:57This is going to be my apartment.
32:25Stewie, stop!
32:26What?
32:27What is it?
32:28Don't take another step.
32:29Remember Kulanda?
32:31Kulanda?
32:33Spikes in the wall?
32:35Nasty, weren't they?
32:36Yeah.
32:39Yeah, you really do care about me, huh?
32:41It's like I'm carried away now.
32:43I just didn't want you to...
32:45Well, you know?
32:48Wait a minute.
32:49I thought you said there were spikes.
32:50I never said anything about spikes.
32:52I just asked if you remember Kulanda!
33:17Tashi delek.
33:20Tashi delek.
33:29Sydney, stop!
33:30Remember Bangladesh?
33:31You're right.
33:34What the hell was that?
33:36I tried to warn you, sweet cheeks.
33:38It was Burundi.
33:40I lose track.
34:01Martha's bowl.
34:21Listen, Sydney.
34:22What are we fighting about?
34:24Why don't we just split it?
34:26Because it's not for sale.
34:27For sale?
34:28It's a priceless relic.
34:31Oh my God!
34:33No!
34:38Great.
34:39Now what?
34:40Figure a way out.
34:43Now what?
34:54Listen.
34:56Confession to make, sweet cheeks.
34:57Why do you keep calling her that?
34:58It's not important.
35:00It started in Constantinople.
35:02Singapore.
35:04I lose track.
35:05We don't need to hear the story.
35:06We were looking for the Jade Tiger.
35:08We were in a field, and she had to, you know, go behind the bushes.
35:12And while she was, you know, behind the bushes, a wasp decided to take a siesta in her britches.
35:18When she pulled them up, it must have gotten a little claustrophobic in there for the wasp,
35:23because how many times did he bite your ass?
35:2520, 30, 40, 50 times?
35:28Anyway, we didn't have any salve, any ointment or anything.
35:31But one of the guides had some marmalade.
35:34Surprisingly soothing.
35:38All I wanted was a nice little teaching job.
35:42You had a confession?
35:44Yeah.
35:46Look, since it looks like we're all going to bite it here, I just wanted to set the record straight.
35:51Okay.
35:55I'm a schmuck.
35:57I'm a big schmuck.
35:59I know that's not earth-shattering news, but I just wanted you to know, Sid, I really enjoyed working with you.
36:05I mean it. It's been a lot of fun.
36:08Thanks, Dewey.
36:10That's it.
36:13Thanks, Dewey.
36:15It's nice.
36:20Anybody know any good dying songs?
36:22A lever.
36:23A lever?
36:24A stone lever.
36:27What do you think it means?
36:28Maybe it opens a door or releases the sand.
36:42We're not going with the flow.
36:43No, we're not. We're definitely not.
36:45What flow? There's no flow.
36:47We're ignoring one of the basic teachings of Buddhism.
36:49What exactly would that be?
36:51Not to resist.
36:53That's what I told you in Rio.
36:54That is your answer? Not is your solution?
36:57To fight against pain and fear is to be defeated by it.
37:01To accept it is to conquer it.
37:06Close your eyes and relax.
37:07Oh, sure.
37:08Breathe deeply.
37:12Breathe.
37:17You know, I hate to say this, but not resisting is not working.
37:23I must say I have to agree.
37:26We're missing something.
37:28Yes, a way out.
37:30Vibrations.
37:32Sound waves.
37:33Sound waves?
37:36Maybe if we can make the walls oscillate, the vibrations will move the handle.
37:41Oh, sure.
37:42A chant.
37:44Meditate and chant as loud as you can.
37:49Om.
37:55Om.
38:00Louder.
38:01Om.
38:06Om.
38:08Louder.
38:09Om.
38:15It's moving.
38:23We did it. It's working.
38:29It's right there.
38:40The ball. What happened to the ball?
38:42I have the ball.
38:46We always knew that someday someone would come.
38:49It is important that the ball goes to someone of great need.
38:53I want to return the ball to its rightful place.
38:56The villagers of Kushinagar are building a monument to Buddha.
38:59They want to place it there as a final resting place.
39:04A tribute to his memory and what he stood for.
39:07Chan!
39:09Do you come for the ball as well?
39:12Yes.
39:13What is your need?
39:16I needed to make the money I've lost in my family's business.
39:20For personal gain.
39:22Yes, it is.
39:25You're a loser.
39:37Yes.
39:42I don't understand.
39:45His need was greater.
39:51It's not working.
39:54It is.
39:55The ball, like Buddha, gives to those what they need the most.
39:59You need it not to work.
40:02What are you talking about?
40:04Perhaps you need to face up to the truth of your actions.
40:12But I have to face my father.
40:14And that is precisely what you needed.
40:24Michael, wait!
40:25Wait!
40:26Wait!
40:29Michael!
40:42God, it will.
40:44I will.
40:50Michael, wait up!
40:52Michael, wait up!
40:54Where's my money?
40:55I don't owe you any money.
40:56The ball doesn't work.
40:57Well, that's not my fault!
40:58I got you the ball!
40:59You owe me!
41:01Listen, Michael, maybe they just don't know how to use the ball.
41:04Maybe you gotta rub it.
41:05I think you gotta rub it.
41:07You okay?
41:08Me?
41:09Fine.
41:10Perfect.
41:11You do this a lot?
41:12Often enough.
41:13What do you think?
41:15Well, to be honest, I found the whole experience rather daunting.
41:19Was that good or bad?
41:21I don't know.
41:23It did cost me a watch.
41:29How did it...
41:31You heard what the man said.
41:32The ball gives you what you need.
41:40But I don't need the watch.
41:42But you needed to know that you didn't.
41:44Now that you have it back, you do.
41:50It's gonna be like this a lot, isn't it?
41:54How's it going?
42:12Not bad.
42:13What happened?
42:14I got a little carried away.
42:17This online shopping is dangerous.
42:20Trust me, Claudia, you don't know what dangerous is.
42:22Oh, yes, I do.
42:23I'm gonna have to return half of this stuff.
42:43Remember those coins the villagers gave me?
42:45Yes.
42:47Since he didn't get any money from Chan, I sent them to Stewie as a joke.
42:51One of them turned out to be a lost taxila from the 4th century.
42:55It was worth a fortune.
43:22I don't know.
43:23I don't know.
43:24I don't know.
43:25I don't know.
43:26I don't know.
43:27I don't know.
43:28I don't know.
43:29I don't know.
43:30I don't know.
43:31I don't know.
43:32I don't know.
43:33I don't know.
43:34I don't know.
43:35I don't know.
43:36I don't know.
43:37I don't know.
43:38I don't know.
43:39I don't know.
43:40I don't know.
43:41I don't know.
43:42I don't know.
43:43I don't know.
43:44I don't know.
43:45I don't know.
43:46I don't know.
43:47I don't know.
43:48I don't know.
43:49I don't know.
43:50I don't know.
43:51I don't know.
43:52I don't know.
43:53I don't know.
43:54I don't know.
43:55I don't know.
43:56I don't know.
43:57I don't know.
43:58I don't know.
43:59I don't know.
44:00I don't know.
44:01I don't know.
44:02I don't know.
44:03I don't know.
44:04I don't know.
44:05I don't know.
44:06I don't know.
44:07I don't know.
44:08I don't know.
44:09I don't know.
44:10I don't know.
44:11I don't know.
44:12I don't know.
44:13I don't know.
44:14I don't know.
44:15I don't know.
44:16I don't know.
44:17I don't know.
44:18I don't know.
44:19I don't know.
44:20I don't know.
44:21I don't know.
44:22I don't know.
44:23I don't know.
44:24I don't know.
44:25I don't know.
44:26I don't know.
44:27I don't know.
44:28I don't know.
44:29I don't know.
44:30I don't know.
44:31I don't know.
44:32I don't know.
44:33I don't know.
44:34I don't know.
44:35I don't know.
44:36I don't know.
44:37I don't know.
44:38I don't know.
44:39I don't know.
44:40I don't know.
44:41I don't know.
44:42I don't know.
44:43I don't know.
44:44I don't know.
44:45I don't know.
44:46I don't know.
44:47I don't know.