Relic Hunter S01e08 Etched In Stone
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02:30Eric, honor my deeds when I'm gone.
02:37Let my soul rest with the treasure.
02:47♪
02:57♪
03:07♪
03:17♪
03:28John the Bold, we honor your life and return your soul to Valhalla.
03:34♪
03:50♪
04:03It was great the temp agency could have you fill in for Claudia on such short notice.
04:08By the way, um, I wanted to thank you, that, uh, Chinese, uh, restaurant you recommended.
04:13Excellent.
04:15Sure thing.
04:17Ancient Studies.
04:23She's kind of busy, actually. Can I take a message?
04:27Mill...
04:29Milton...
04:32Mor...
04:34Morris.
04:35That's the president of the college!
04:38President Morris, Nigel Bailey.
04:40Sorry for the confusion. She's temping.
04:42Um, we're not busy at all.
04:44Well, that is to say, we're not not busy. We're always busying ourselves.
04:47Striving to be busy, but never too busy to take your call.
04:50Guess I have a pen far away.
05:01I have a message.
05:02Not done yet.
05:07You're going to want to hear this.
05:11Okay.
05:13Uh, there's a visiting professor from the University of Northeastern South Africa on his way to see you right now.
05:30Why?
05:31Uh, the university promised your services.
05:34Your... to help him find the runestone of King Jan I of Norway.
05:40Uh, there's more.
05:41Huh?
05:42Um, this is the bit that might not sit so well.
05:45The, um, professor is...
05:47Stewie?
05:48Sweet cheese!
05:55I don't care how much money you've donated to this university, Stewie. I'm not helping you find anything.
06:00Look, Sidney, I need you. You're the best in the business.
06:04Sid, this could also be a very exciting historical find.
06:07University of Northeastern South Africa?
06:10It's an hour outside Witsambia.
06:12Look, they're the only people that had the wisdom enough to accredit me.
06:15You bribed them.
06:16I gave them a donation.
06:18Look, Sid, I know what you're thinking, but I've changed. I mean, I've cleaned up my act.
06:22I'm a different guy.
06:24And it's all because of you.
06:26Me?
06:27Well, yeah.
06:28I mean, that last experience that we shared in the belly of the Buddha,
06:31I mean, it forced me to take a real hard look at myself.
06:34And quite frankly, I didn't like what I saw.
06:37I don't blame you!
06:38Yeah, and then when you sent me that very expensive ancient coin as a gift...
06:43It was a mistake.
06:47But still, it struck a very, very deep, deep chord inside of me.
06:52Professor Fox, here's those files you asked for.
06:55Oh. Who's the new pork chop?
07:04It is possible that he really has turned over new leaf, isn't it?
07:07I don't know.
07:08Well, even the commonest of criminals can be rehabilitated, Sidney.
07:11We're talking about Stewie here, Nigel.
07:13You think President Moritz will understand?
07:14He's gonna have to, because there is no way I'm going to Sweden with Stewie Harper.
07:19When you come back, do you think you could bring me a rhinestone, too?
07:22That's runestone, Lynette.
07:24Runestone? What's a runestone?
07:26In medieval times, it's how people wrote messages, notes.
07:29They used to chisel it out in stone.
07:31Oh, sort of like a post-it.
07:34Sort of.
07:38MUSIC
07:57Hello. Welcome to the Viking Café.
08:00How are you today?
08:02Very well, thank you.
08:04All of our grand platters are served on scaled-down versions of ore boats.
08:08Authentic Viking ships.
08:10And you'll notice your steak knives were modelled after broadswords from the Anders the Great dynasty.
08:15The Celtic cross found its way into the crust after he conquered County Donner in Southern Ireland.
08:21That's very clever, isn't it, Sidney?
08:23Could I have a Coke?
08:25Me, too.
08:27Hi. Sorry, I had to make an important phone call.
08:29Can I get you something?
08:31Yeah, I'll have a bottle of your breast beer, please. I mean, best breast.
08:39Great place, huh?
08:42Listen, I just want you guys to know, it is so nice to be working with each other as opposed to against each other.
08:52You know, we really are of the same ilk, Sid.
08:54We are not of the same ilk.
08:56Sure we are.
08:57Stewie, whatever ilk you're from, I'm from a different one.
09:00Sid, I've got something very, very important I want you to take a look at.
09:08Looks like futark.
09:09Around the 11th century?
09:11Or the 10th.
09:12Yeah.
09:14I can't decipher this.
09:16Looks like we're going to need a translator.
09:22This is fantastic.
09:24I've never seen anything like this before.
09:27What does it say?
09:28It's futark.
09:29A very primitive form.
09:31Gotkurk.
09:32Runic.
09:34It refers to a runestone.
09:36We know that part. Tell us something we don't know.
09:40Yes.
09:42Something about it being the cornerstone of a great holy place.
09:49A sacred temple where the axes cross the line of the great arrow.
09:56What the hell does that mean?
09:58Is there anything else, Lars?
10:00Not without the rest.
10:02The rest?
10:03Well, this parchment was torn from a book. A text written by a Viking shaman.
10:07Listen, forget about that part. Get back to the part about the axes that crosses the line of the sacred arrow.
10:12What the hell does that mean?
10:13I don't know. I have no idea.
10:14You don't know?
10:15I'm a translator. I don't have a degree in mythology.
10:2610th century Stockholm.
10:28I had Lars make me a copy.
10:30Great.
10:34What?
10:35You wouldn't be hiding something from us, would you, Stewie?
10:41What could I possibly be hiding?
10:43Lars mentioned a book. A text written by a Viking shaman.
10:47The same book that this page was torn out of.
10:50You know, I am so offended by this distrust in me. This is the new me.
10:54Why are you acting so weird?
10:55That's the old me.
11:00All right. Let's get back to the clues.
11:03Hal, the runestone is in a holy place where the axes cross the line of the great arrow.
11:09Now, the axes, in translation, refers to the clan of Anders the Great, also known as Anders the Axe.
11:15Now, their village was here.
11:18What does the great arrow mean?
11:20Perfect timing.
11:21Hello again. You guys are eating a lot.
11:26We really love the service.
11:29Um, I was wondering,
11:32the historical bits that you tell the customers, interesting as they are,
11:37are they at all accurate or are they just made up?
11:40Completely accurate.
11:42Would you know anything about the meaning of the great arrow?
11:46Oh, yes. Thursday's lunch special. Swedish meatball.
11:49Oh, no. Actually, I'm sorry. I meant, um, historically.
11:54Oh, yes.
11:56The great arrow was a large wooden structure built in the forest,
12:04pointing travellers directly north, right here.
12:10All right.
12:12If your waitress is correct,
12:16the great arrow will be here.
12:20Now, Anders' clan's village is here.
12:23Well, where does the axe cross the line of the great arrow, Ida?
12:27The village was built about a mile inland from where they kept their ships,
12:30which meant they would have to travel every day to the village.
12:34Now, if we continue a line north, going in the same direction as the great arrow,
12:39that should put a runestone in a holy place somewhere in this vicinity.
12:44Yeah, but wait a minute. Now, this is a 10th century map.
12:47Where is this vicinity?
12:49Well, we get a present-day map and lay it over this.
12:51Should only be a few miles to cover.
12:54There's one more place to check out after this.
12:57It's a church built in 1925.
13:00There's one more place to check out after this. It's a church built in 1925.
13:05Still, the monument could be inside.
13:07Let's check this place out first.
13:09Well, this looks like it could be a monastery or a nunnery.
13:12It's at least a hundred years old.
13:13Well, it's a holy place, ain't it?
13:15Hey, wait a minute. What about this?
13:19Oh, great. It's in Swedish.
13:21Well, we are in Sweden, Stewie.
13:22Ja, we are.
13:24Well, this I can translate.
13:26Holy dwellings have occupied this site for over 900 years.
13:29This present building is a former home of the Sisters of Magdalene Monastery.
13:33Erected on the grounds is a monument using stones from the original Viking temple.
13:38That's it. It's got to be here.
13:47I wonder what kind of holy place it is today.
13:52Can I help you?
13:54Why? Leave it to the Swedes, huh?
13:57This is a spa?
13:58That's right.
14:11A clothing optional spa?
14:13No.
14:14Thank God.
14:15A nude only spa.
14:22I'm not going in there.
14:24There's a chance the runestone is in the monument.
14:26Did you see Minivamp? They're letting it all hang out nice.
14:29That's what they're doing.
14:30Look, if we're gonna find that runestone, we gotta go in there, suck it up, suck it in,
14:33and do the nasty thing that's gotta be done.
14:35I don't think so.
14:36Why? What's the matter?
14:37If I go in there with you, I'm liable to end up in jail
14:40or at the very least uncontrollably nauseous.
14:43Nigel and I will take care of this. Why don't you take a walk and cool it off?
14:47Sidney, are you sure Stewie can't be any use to you in there?
14:49I mean, after all, he is a changed man.
14:51Nigel.
14:52I can't.
14:53You can.
14:54I can't.
14:55It's my body.
14:56It's my body and your body and...
14:58What's the matter? You've got a nice body.
15:01Yeah? Oh, yeah.
15:03And there's all those other bodies.
15:04Nigel, if it makes you feel any better, I won't look.
15:07I promise I won't look.
15:08You won't look, I won't look, we just won't look.
15:11We won't look at anything but stones.
15:13Stones that look like runestones, all right?
15:16Okay, good.
15:22Stay out of the cold water.
15:24Okay.
15:41We should split up.
15:43Why don't you go this way, I'll go that way.
15:45Alone? Like this?
15:47Yes.
15:55Let's go.
16:21Sit.
16:22Sit.
16:25Come here.
16:26You.
16:27Please.
16:29Hi, how are you?
16:30Nice to see you.
16:43Hey, mister.
16:54Hi.
17:15Oh, sorry.
17:16Sydney, I'm sorry.
17:17I didn't see a thing.
17:19Did you peek?
17:20No, I did not peek, Nigel.
17:22I think I found it.
17:25There.
17:29Great.
17:30It looks like the stones are constructed in a free-form manner.
17:33No mortar, just piled one on top of each other.
17:35It's got to be one of the smaller stones near the foundation.
17:38If it's there, we should be able to just wedge it out.
17:41One problem, though.
17:43What?
17:44Her.
17:46I see your point now.
17:48We can't just go pulling out stones in front of her.
17:51We'll just have to ask her to move.
17:53How?
17:54I leave that in your capable hands.
17:58Me?
18:16Excuse me.
18:17Miss?
18:21I was just thinking, um...
18:24Maybe you should move your chair.
18:28Why?
18:29Why?
18:32Why indeed, um...
18:35The sun.
18:36The sun.
18:37The sun.
18:38The sun.
18:39The sun.
18:40The sun.
18:41The sun.
18:42The sun.
18:43The sun.
18:44The sun.
18:45It's in the wrong position for optimal tanning.
18:48Yeah.
18:49Yeah, I do get burned sometimes.
18:51Your cheeks are a bit red.
18:55No, I didn't mean those cheeks.
18:56I mean, I wasn't looking at those cheeks.
18:57I mean, I...
18:58Not that I wouldn't want to look at those cheeks.
19:00I mean, I'm sure they're very nice cheeks.
19:01Um, it's...
19:02I...
19:03Well, I mean, what do you expect?
19:04I mean, you're naked.
19:06I'm naked.
19:07We're all...
19:09naked.
19:15What?
19:24This is it.
19:25Yeah.
19:26See the engraving?
19:37It's moving.
19:38Pull it out!
19:44Pull it out!
19:58One stone, nobody will ever miss it.
20:01Yeah, but how are we going to get it out of here?
20:03What do you mean?
20:04We're not exactly wearing pockets.
20:06Right.
20:14We're not exactly wearing pockets.
20:45I love it!
20:51Oh, you guys have been so great.
20:53And I really mean that.
20:54But listen, I better get this thing back to the university
20:56as quickly as I can, okay?
20:58Oh, Sid, thank you so much.
21:00You're the best.
21:01Nice!
21:02I love you.
21:03All right, listen, I'm going to grab a cab
21:04and I'll go straight to the airport
21:05and I'll call you from Africa.
21:06Stewie.
21:07Yeah.
21:08Can we see it?
21:10See what?
21:11The runestone.
21:14You already saw it.
21:15Well, we were kind of in a rush at the time.
21:17Just let me see it.
21:20Sid, I'm going to miss my cab to the airport.
21:22I better get going.
21:23Stewie.
21:26Well, it is what he said.
21:27King Jan's runestone.
21:28Amazing.
21:29Yeah.
21:30Wait a minute.
21:31You said it was King Jan I.
21:34I can't read the futalk,
21:35but this is definitely the crest of Jan II.
21:38This is King Jan II's runestone.
21:41Well, first or second,
21:42what difference does it make, really?
21:44King Jan II was also known as Jan the Bold,
21:47who plundered vast fortunes from across Europe.
21:50Which nobody ever found.
21:52No kidding.
21:53Well, I didn't know that.
21:54I'll make sure they put that on the plaque
21:56because I don't want them to get that wrong.
21:59Hey!
22:05Boom!
22:13Sid, be careful with the runestone!
22:29Way to go, Sid.
22:30Way to go.
22:31I can't believe we got mugged in Sweden.
22:34Those guys weren't muggers.
22:36I wonder what they wanted from us.
22:38Good question.
22:40The engravings are futalk, like the parchment.
22:42I guess we're going to be visiting our friend the translator again.
22:45I wonder what this eight-legged horse means.
22:48Sleipnir, Odin's horse.
22:50You must really like the service here.
22:52Back three times.
22:54Yes, we do.
22:57Well, here we go again.
22:59Listen, about this horse.
23:01Modem, is that what you said?
23:03Odin, main god of the Vikings.
23:05That's right.
23:06Odin, main god of the Vikings.
23:08That's right.
23:09His horse's name was Sleipnir,
23:11and it had eight legs so it would never tire.
23:14With all the walking around on this trip,
23:15I could do with another set of legs myself.
23:20Nigel, you should probably head to the translator's office now.
23:30I'm a relic hunter too.
23:37Hello?
23:40Lars?
23:42Anybody home?
23:44There doesn't seem to be anybody here.
23:46That's strange.
23:48Why don't you leave him a note? Have him call us.
23:51Right.
24:03Oh!
24:07Well, ixnay on the note.
24:10Either Lars was in the wrong place at the wrong time
24:12or he discovered something he wasn't supposed to.
24:14Like what?
24:16I have a pretty good idea.
24:19Sydney, look.
24:21There are ash marks on Lars' fingers.
24:37A photograph recently burned.
24:39So he wanted to get rid of it in a hurry
24:41before someone came after him.
24:43Look at that above the address.
24:46Odin's horse.
24:487070 Ringwagen.
25:06Get the feeling it's not a Bible study?
25:37No.
25:42Lars?
26:07Freedom.
26:10Freedom.
26:13Freedom.
26:17Freedom.
26:21Isn't that Bjorn, the other translator?
26:27That's him.
26:29Lars must have discovered their secret cult.
26:33So they killed him.
26:37Run us.
26:40There is a filth among us.
26:43There is one
26:45so wretched in his obscenity
26:48that he would take our great book
26:51and sell it to the outside world.
26:57Let me tell you, run us.
27:01Run us.
27:04Run us.
27:07We
27:09we are diligent in our security.
27:12And though we practice the ways of the ancients
27:17we do not ignore
27:20the ways of technology.
27:30Your sale of our book is known.
27:37It will be recovered
27:40so that once more
27:44it rests alongside the Star of Odin.
27:52The Star of Odin
27:55our key to unlocking the secret of Jörg the Bold's treasure.
28:06So, brother
28:09you will have time indeed to reflect upon your actions.
28:17In hell!
28:22So you know.
28:36Hey, dog!
28:56Get that dog out of here!
28:57That's too easy!
28:58Come on!
29:06Well, I guess we took care of those guys, huh?
29:10Not so fast, Professor.
29:11I want the truth and I want it now.
29:13What's the story with this book?
29:14What do you mean by story?
29:15You know what I mean.
29:16Look, can't we talk about this later?
29:18There's 20 bloodthirsty Vikings about to get in here.
29:20And I'll throw you to them if you don't come clean right now.
29:22All right, look, but can't we talk about it somewhere else?
29:32Oh, great, it's locked!
29:33I can get us out.
29:34But first, you tell me what the hell's going on.
29:36Oh, geez.
29:37Okay, look, I got a line on this rogue Viking.
29:39A really weird dude, you know, like these other choir boys.
29:41He told me he stole the book and he contacted me on my website.
29:44Your website?
29:45Yeah, you don't have one?
29:47Go on!
29:48The lock.
29:51Anyway, I bought the book from him.
29:53We did it all by email.
29:54I mean, I never even met the guy.
29:55So where's the book?
29:56Speak for yourself.
29:57The whole book?
29:58The whole book and nothing but the book.
30:00You didn't show us the rest of the book
30:02If you told us it was for Yon the Bold and we wouldn't help you,
30:04you'd have all the treasure for yourself.
30:06What are you, teacher's pet?
30:08So the book got us to the runestone.
30:10That's right.
30:11And now we got the key to Yon the Bold's treasure.
30:14Star of Odin?
30:15You took the Star of Odin?
30:17Uh-huh.
30:18Now we have everything we need to find Yon the Bold's secret loot.
30:21Except a translator, yeah.
30:23Let's go!
30:33Don't kill me, please.
30:35Did Lars plead with you for his life, too?
30:37I didn't kill Lars.
30:40I only told the leader that he knew about us.
30:43The leader had him killed.
30:47It's the truth.
30:50I'll do anything.
30:51Just please, take the knife away.
31:03The tablet refers to a sacred field.
31:06The House of Souls.
31:09Where?
31:10I don't know.
31:11I don't.
31:13But...
31:14But what?
31:19If you do find it, according to the runestone,
31:24it's cursed.
31:29What kind of curse?
31:32It says Yon the Bold quenched his thirst for riches where dead men rest.
31:39And all those who search for his treasure will sleep among them.
31:47Well, a fat lot of good this is going to do us.
31:49And we don't even know what or where this House of Souls is.
31:51And at this hour, who are we going to find out from?
32:02Hello.
32:09Hello.
32:12Hello.
32:13Again.
32:16You're not coming here just for the food, are you?
32:19No.
32:20Actually...
32:23I just have a quick question.
32:26Have you ever heard of a House of Souls other than an appetizer or a dinner special, that is?
32:33Oh, yes.
32:34The House of Souls.
32:37This is one of the most revered legends in all of Viking history.
32:44The House of Souls was a very holy place.
32:47Only the bravest warriors were allowed to enter.
32:50Many never returned.
32:55This way.
33:25This way.
33:36Sidney! Stewie!
33:45The Runestone translation.
33:47I quench my thirst where dead men sleep.
33:49Quenching his thirst.
33:51He was talking about a well.
33:56Here, help me get this off.
33:57Yeah, let me hold this.
33:59Thanks.
34:03Oh, yeah.
34:04This is it.
34:05This has got to be it.
34:08Don't just stand there. Go down and get it.
34:10Stewie, make yourself useful and give us some light.
34:17Oh.
34:18Oh, boy.
34:19This is not good. Now what are we going to do?
34:21Maybe we should go down there and have a look around.
34:23You mean climb down the walls?
34:25Stewie, give me the light.
34:26I'll hold the light. You guys go down.
34:27Stewie, give me the light.
34:28No, I want to hold the light.
34:29Give me the light!
34:36Did what I think just happened...
34:39...happen?
34:41I guess we're going down.
34:44All of us.
34:45All of us.
34:53You got me?
34:54Yeah.
34:56Help, help.
34:57Just drop.
34:58Stewie!
35:02Thanks, Dutch.
35:12The eight-legged horse will show us the way.
35:15Come on.
35:33Is this it?
35:37Well, you've helped us, Bjorn.
35:40So I'm going to spare you.
35:46Go.
35:51Call the others.
35:52I don't want him to live to see another sunrise.
36:02It looks kind of small.
36:05I'd think a rat like you would feel right at home in there.
36:15Come on.
36:46Come on.
37:04It's late.
37:16Come here.
37:29This has got to be it.
37:36Thanks.
37:38Thanks.
37:45No.
38:15Viking burial ground.
38:20You on the boat?
38:22Yeah, but where's the treasure?
38:32Give me the Star of Odin.
38:33Yes, ma'am.
38:45Yes.
38:50Help!
38:51Watch out!
39:04Help!
39:12Look at this.
39:34Oh, my goodness.
39:39We're going to have to come back for the rest of this stuff later.
39:42This isn't ours, Stewie.
39:43Yeah, right.
39:45These are priceless artifacts that belong in a museum.
39:48Museum, schmuseum.
39:49Who's going to stop us?
39:50The Vikings?
39:51The Vikings.
39:52The Vikings.
39:53The Vikings.
39:54The Vikings.
39:55The Vikings.
39:56The Vikings.
39:57The Vikings.
39:58The Vikings.
39:59The Vikings.
40:00The Vikings.
40:01The Vikings.
40:02Who's going to stop us?
40:03The Viking police?
40:04That's right.
40:07I've been waiting a long time for this.
40:20I'll get an ice.
40:32You should have brought a bigger bag.
40:33Why didn't you bring a bigger bag?
40:38I'll be right with you.
41:03Oh!
41:27See?
41:28It's not so bad when we work together, huh, Sid?
41:30Listen, Sidney.
41:31Take 20% of the loot.
41:32I'll take the rest.
41:33Every penny of this is going to a museum, Stewie.
41:3530%.
41:36Every penny.
41:3844?
41:48You know what?
41:49You're right, Stewie.
41:50It's not so bad when we work together.
42:01Ugh!
42:08Claudia, you're back.
42:09How was the, uh, root canal?
42:11Nothing I couldn't handle.
42:13Why are you so happy?
42:15Oh, just a friend coming over from Sweden on a work study for a few weeks.
42:18Oh, what, some bimbo you met in a Swedish bar?
42:20She is not a bimbo, and it was a restaurant, as a matter of fact.
42:27Where's Lynette?
42:28We don't need her.
42:29But we already hired her to finish out the week.
42:31Nigel, she completely messed up the filing system.
42:33I mean, limp biscuit in the acid jazz section?
42:36What's she thinking?
42:38Right.
42:41Uh, I wouldn't go in there if I were you.
42:43She's in a totally evil mood.
42:46Why?
42:47Don't know.
42:48She got some invitation.
42:49They're dedicating a new wing of the museum to some guy.
42:52Who?
42:53Some professor from the University of Northeastern South Africa.
42:57Please join us for a dedication ceremony
42:59unveiling a new wing of the museum, the Harper Wing,
43:03honoring Professor Stewie Harper,
43:05scholar, philanthropist, and generous donor.
43:26The Harper Wing
43:56The Harper Wing
44:26The Harper Wing