Layover -SD
https://amzn.to/3SZhwpn
Category
π₯
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00πΆ
00:00:30The flight board and number of flights have been canceled at this time.
00:00:39I don't think anyone's getting outta here for a while with this weather.
00:00:44We circled for a while, too. It was really annoying.
00:01:00Excuse me, but are you Richard?
00:01:07Wait.
00:01:09Tiffany?
00:01:11This is so strange. I mean, what are the odds? I...
00:01:15It's me.
00:01:17Wow.
00:01:20Headed home for the holidays?
00:01:22Yeah. Yeah, I hate there's never a direct flight. I always have a layover.
00:01:27I hate that. I...
00:01:32So you headed home too?
00:01:34Nope. California.
00:01:37Oh, that's where I'm coming from.
00:01:38I know!
00:01:41You knew I was living in California?
00:01:43Nothing else to gossip about in Grand Falls.
00:01:49Do you know that I lost 50 pounds?
00:01:5350 pounds?
00:01:56Where would you put it?
00:01:59Believe me, everywhere.
00:02:03Well, I can't even picture it.
00:02:08I got really big after I had my son. And then stress. It just...
00:02:14So you're married then?
00:02:15Not anymore.
00:02:17Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...
00:02:20No, I mean, you didn't know.
00:02:24Divorce can be rough.
00:02:25Yeah, yeah.
00:02:31So you said you're going to California. Vacation?
00:02:35No, to live. I'm moving there.
00:02:38No kidding?
00:02:40Do you think I'll fit in?
00:02:44Sure. Yeah, you'll do great there.
00:02:53You know, you were my inspiration all these years.
00:02:57Oh, come on. We barely knew each other.
00:03:00Seriously, I always admired you.
00:03:04And like, wow! Richard!
00:03:07You know, just packed up and moved to California, never looking back.
00:03:16Hey, so who Janet married? Someone from the old gang?
00:03:20Whitey. I married Whitey.
00:03:23Jim the total jock. Jim White, Whitey.
00:03:27That's him.
00:03:29He was a good looking guy, as I recall.
00:03:31Yeah, not for long.
00:03:33He got old and he got that receding hairline thing.
00:03:38That's too bad.
00:03:40And bossy.
00:03:43Well, he drinks a little too much sometimes.
00:03:46Him and the guys from the football team, they're all still around.
00:03:51The popular kids.
00:03:53I guess.
00:03:55You were popular, as I recall.
00:03:57So were you. You had a lot of friends. Didn't you?
00:04:03Not really. I mean, in the theater crowd, maybe.
00:04:07Oh, yeah, that was your thing. I'd forgotten.
00:04:11I saw you once in...
00:04:14Guys and Dolls?
00:04:16No, that improv thing.
00:04:20Oh, yeah. I never saw you.
00:04:25Well, I only went to that one show.
00:04:30You know, I gotta use the little girl's room.
00:04:34Oh, sure.
00:04:37You can watch my stuff.
00:04:44Okay.
00:05:15Do you want to go take a little walk?
00:05:20You remember me? Really?
00:05:24Who could forget you?
00:05:27Cute cheerleader, Tiffany.
00:05:30I always knew you'd get married, do the family thing.
00:05:35Figured you'd take that route.
00:05:37You thought about that in high school?
00:05:39Of course.
00:05:41Of course.
00:05:43You were always one of the sensitive ones.
00:05:46I think Jimmy was only with me to get laid.
00:05:53I see it all the time with my friends in relationships.
00:05:56Always a dominant person. You just hope you're friends with that person.
00:05:59Yeah, well, I knew it was going to be bad from the start.
00:06:03As soon as we were married.
00:06:06At the wedding?
00:06:07No, no.
00:06:09The wedding itself was great, the reception and all.
00:06:14I guess I did have the fairy tale wedding.
00:06:18How soon in did you realize?
00:06:20Three months.
00:06:22I just got this feeling like maybe it was a mistake.
00:06:27Yeah, but you can't judge by that.
00:06:29All newlyweds feel buyer's remorse.
00:06:32You get married and it's supposed to be the happy time, right?
00:06:35Like now you're settled.
00:06:37So they say.
00:06:38But it's the opposite.
00:06:40I felt like now my life is over.
00:06:42You know, you get through the hurdle of the wedding and then you're like, now what?
00:06:47It's funny because one of the main reasons people get married is for that security.
00:06:53Well, then you're in it and you realize, wait a minute, this is my real life.
00:06:59And you realize it's permanent.
00:07:02And you feel trapped.
00:07:04That's the one thing that the human animal can't stand, that feeling, being trapped.
00:07:11You are so right.
00:07:13So you reassert yourself.
00:07:16Your freedom as an individual sometimes comes out in ways that are unhealthy, harmful even.
00:07:28You are explaining exactly the way that I felt.
00:07:33It's how it always is.
00:07:35I mean, we can't be blamed for it.
00:07:37You know?
00:07:38It's human nature.
00:07:41So you're saying it's inevitable even if you find the right partner that you still feel trapped, alone?
00:07:49I mean, people don't talk about it.
00:07:52But it's universal.
00:07:53It's just who we are.
00:08:04It's not supposed to be like that.
00:08:08What?
00:08:10Relationships.
00:08:13Who says?
00:08:15Well, we're supposed to be one man and one woman together forever, aren't we?
00:08:22I mean, look at society and the Bible.
00:08:27It's the way it's always been.
00:08:30Well, it's the way it's always been.
00:08:35The divorce rate's pretty high.
00:08:37Yeah, but...
00:08:40I mean, when it comes down to it, we're all animals.
00:08:44How else can it turn out?
00:08:48Well, then why do people even bother getting married?
00:08:53For children.
00:08:55Family.
00:08:57Why else?
00:09:00I don't know.
00:09:06The fairy tale.
00:09:08The happy ending.
00:09:13Right?
00:09:14Yeah, we all want the fairy tale.
00:09:17Girls do anyway.
00:09:28My fairy tale didn't come true either.
00:09:31You had a fairy tale?
00:09:34Of course.
00:09:38Well, you got out, so that's something.
00:09:43I left town, yeah.
00:09:46The thing is, wherever you go, you're still there.
00:09:51What does that mean?
00:09:54It means I've learned that you can't run away from yourself.
00:09:58Who says I'm running?
00:10:01I'm speaking for myself.
00:10:04I'm running.
00:10:06I ran then. Hell, I'm still running.
00:10:09Well, good. Then I'm running too.
00:10:13As far away from this town as I can get.
00:10:16To L.A.
00:10:18To anywhere, really. I just chose L.A. because I heard you done well there.
00:10:22It was fun while it lasted.
00:10:25And I want the sunshine.
00:10:27That part is good.
00:10:30The problem is, is I don't know what I'm going to do when I get there.
00:10:35Just...
00:10:39Sometimes you just need to stop and reset, you know?
00:10:43You realize your life's off track and you have this overwhelming desire to change something.
00:10:51Right.
00:10:53So you think I can either change my job or my relationship or where I live.
00:11:03Maybe all three.
00:11:04Maybe all three.
00:11:06And four, really, if you include changing your look, which I've done.
00:11:13Yeah, that's just a makeover. Makeovers never really solve anything.
00:11:18True. So I did all that and I knew I was changing my relationship, but it wasn't a big enough change.
00:11:25I mean, it wasn't a big enough change to make me become a different person.
00:11:31So then I decided I need to leave town. Start over.
00:11:40To new beginnings.
00:11:42To new beginnings.
00:11:46Feels like I should at least have some Baileys in this or something.
00:11:51Well, I'm sure there's a bar somewhere.
00:11:55Maybe we should check our flight status first. We don't want to get stuck in the middle.
00:11:59True.
00:12:01Yeah.
00:12:25If I could only add up all the time I've spent in airport bars.
00:12:28You've traveled a lot?
00:12:30Yeah.
00:12:31What kind of work do you do in L.A.?
00:12:34I got involved in art.
00:12:37You have to be very particular.
00:12:40Well, I am a perfectionist.
00:12:42I see that. You have a real thing about you.
00:12:46A thing? What's that mean?
00:12:48Oh, yeah. I noticed right away. Really nicely dressed. Hair's real specific. Not like Whitey at all.
00:12:59Well, Whitey's... I would imagine Whitey's not the kind of guy who would be...
00:13:04You moisturize your face, don't you? And actually, you've done that Botox thing, haven't you?
00:13:12I've seen it before and in magazines. The before and after pictures. The forehead thing. It doesn't move when you smile.
00:13:22Okay, who am I trying to fool? It's just you.
00:13:24So you did do it.
00:13:26Well, it's actually good. I was wondering why I had so many more wrinkles than you and we're both the same age.
00:13:31Oh, you don't have wrinkles.
00:13:33Oh. You need glasses then. Yeah.
00:13:37Is it noticeable?
00:13:39Oh, no. It looks great. Very natural.
00:13:44But you noticed.
00:13:46Well, I noticed the overall package. You know, I could tell you were a perfectionist.
00:13:53I am. But over time I realized I'm a mediocre perfectionist, which can become problematic.
00:14:00So how come you never got married?
00:14:04What makes you think I wasn't married?
00:14:07Oh, I've had my eye out for the signs. No ring and...
00:14:11Well, I didn't want to make it about me. I mean, you wanted to talk about Whitey and all.
00:14:14So you were married.
00:14:17Yeah.
00:14:19Well, where is she now?
00:14:21Oh, so we're getting personal now.
00:14:23Oh, weren't we?
00:14:28Okay, if you must know, we both kind of left each other. I mean, we went back and forth.
00:14:36In the end, I guess I'm the one who finally left.
00:14:38Relationships are like that. Phases.
00:14:42You know, one moment one person loves the one person more and then it flips.
00:14:48They only prolong the inevitable breakup.
00:14:51Maybe. I know there were times that I was determined to leave, but then you just get drawn back in.
00:14:59Until the bad times outweigh the good times.
00:15:02You're really down on the love and fairy tale anything, aren't you?
00:15:06Yeah.
00:15:12Your seat's opened up at the bar.
00:15:24Hey, can we get a couple more of these when you get a chance? Just add it to my cart.
00:15:29You have your credit card at the bar?
00:15:32Yeah, I figured we'd be here for a little while.
00:15:34Well, let me.
00:15:37No, don't worry about it. I got it.
00:15:38No, no, that's okay. I got it.
00:15:41Hey, let a loser in love buy some drinks for another loser in love.
00:15:46One I haven't seen in, what, 15 years?
00:15:52I know. It's like fate or something, our paths crossing like this.
00:15:58Yeah, it's funny, isn't it?
00:16:03Hey, not so fast. Two losers in love.
00:16:18Don't you have to lose something in order to find yourself? I mean, people tell me that's when true character emerges.
00:16:26Interesting.
00:16:28I mean, think about it. If you had the fairy tale, where would you be? You'd be shallow and happy.
00:16:37And deep and angst-ridden is better?
00:16:40Sure.
00:16:41I don't know if I agree. I want to be happy.
00:16:48I wouldn't be here right now if it weren't for the ups and downs that I've experienced.
00:16:54But don't you think it'd be easier to just go back to the beginning?
00:16:59Like high school, when you didn't really know that much about yourself or about life.
00:17:04It's just basically starting over with a clean slate.
00:17:08Yeah, I think you're wrong.
00:17:10I think the older that you get, there's too much you know about life and people, and you know too much for it ever to be simple again.
00:17:18Yeah, maybe it'd just be easier to have less self-awareness. Less of that self-analysis bullshit.
00:17:25Just get back to the basics of life.
00:17:27So you'd rather be ignorant and happy is what you're saying?
00:17:32Sometimes I think so.
00:17:34I don't mean that.
00:17:35It'd be a lot easier.
00:17:37I've been ignorant and happy, and I thank God I was so naive.
00:17:44But it was good while it lasted?
00:17:47Not really.
00:17:48No?
00:17:52Well, I thought so at the time.
00:17:55I briefly thought my life was great and perfect.
00:18:01But you realized...
00:18:03But then I realized that I wasn't happy.
00:18:06I was just doing what I thought I should.
00:18:09Like getting married?
00:18:12Well, yeah.
00:18:14He was the cheerleader.
00:18:16He was the jock.
00:18:18We were meant to be together, the happy perfect couple.
00:18:22You were?
00:18:25On the surface.
00:18:28For the show, for our family.
00:18:32Why'd you go through with it then?
00:18:34Honestly, if you thought it was about the show, why would you marry the guy?
00:18:39That's what I thought I wanted.
00:18:43I just later realized that I...
00:18:49I didn't know myself.
00:18:51You had a great personality in school.
00:18:53I had a perky personality.
00:18:55Cheerleader, right?
00:18:57That was the show.
00:19:00I don't follow you.
00:19:02It's like a character.
00:19:04You know, they want you to be a certain way, so you're that way.
00:19:13I know what you're saying.
00:19:17You... you understand?
00:19:22Oh, yeah. More than you realize.
00:19:26I've had to put on a charade in my life.
00:19:29Pretend to be something that I'm not.
00:19:32You have.
00:19:34Absolutely.
00:19:37See, I never saw that.
00:19:39You always...
00:19:41You were just always real.
00:19:43You never cared what anyone thought in high school, and I admired that.
00:19:49Oh, I cared.
00:19:51I cared too much what everyone thought.
00:19:54You did?
00:19:57And now you don't?
00:20:01Now I don't.
00:20:04What was your charade?
00:20:07Well, first, being a guy.
00:20:12You are a guy.
00:20:14Yeah.
00:20:16But I'm not a guy's guy, you know?
00:20:20I had to pretend.
00:20:22Well, that's just peer pressure.
00:20:24Everybody feels that way in high school.
00:20:28You didn't.
00:20:30I was popular.
00:20:33I had a group.
00:20:35That was the show.
00:20:40I was gay.
00:20:44Very funny, Richard.
00:20:49It's not a joke.
00:20:52Oh, my God. Is that why you left town?
00:20:58Partially, sure.
00:21:06So, when you said you were married,
00:21:10before you, uh...
00:21:13meant to, uh...
00:21:15gay lover to a man?
00:21:19Boyfriend. Just call him that.
00:21:21Boyfriend.
00:21:23And you were married in the gay sense?
00:21:29I don't know what that means.
00:21:31Like, could it legally be married?
00:21:35We lived together. We were committed.
00:21:38Or so I thought.
00:21:41He cheated on you?
00:21:44We had an open relationship.
00:21:49He just never seemed gay to me in high school at all.
00:21:55Can you please just forget I said anything?
00:21:59Just erase it from your memory?
00:22:01Why? I'm fine with it.
00:22:03Because I don't want it going around that I'm gay.
00:22:07At least not in Grand Falls, anyway.
00:22:10You're still in the closet.
00:22:12No.
00:22:14No, I mean, I...
00:22:16I was openly gay.
00:22:19See?
00:22:21I admire that.
00:22:24You got out.
00:22:26Now I admire you even more.
00:22:29Gay guys are like a thing.
00:22:32It's very popular these days.
00:22:34Oh, so now I'm cool?
00:22:36And popular.
00:22:37It's almost like high school has reversed.
00:22:40I was popular, but I didn't know who I was.
00:22:44But now I'm searching.
00:22:46And you, you weren't popular.
00:22:48But you had self-awareness and angst.
00:22:52Everything has come full circle.
00:22:54No wonder you thought Whitey was cute.
00:22:57Now it's all adding up.
00:22:59It's complicated.
00:23:03I'm not going to be gay anymore.
00:23:07That's why I don't want you to say anything, alright?
00:23:10You're moving back to Grand Falls and you're not going to be gay anymore.
00:23:14That's right.
00:23:15That's crazy.
00:23:18Oh, what? Your plan to escape to L.A. is rational?
00:23:21But my idea to go back to Grand Falls is ridiculous?
00:23:24Richard, you've lived this amazing life.
00:23:28Why in the hell would you go back to our small town?
00:23:37I never had your life.
00:23:39The small town, the community of people who know me and care.
00:23:43You're lucky.
00:23:45It's what I want.
00:23:47That's exactly what's been missing from my superficial life.
00:23:50You think you're superficial.
00:23:53I have been, sure.
00:23:56Maybe it's your job.
00:23:59No, it's my life.
00:24:03You know, you think you're being deep and real with people and relationships,
00:24:07but you're not.
00:24:10You realize at the end of the day that you're all alone.
00:24:15I want a home where people know me.
00:24:20Not just who they think I am.
00:24:26Home isn't a place.
00:24:29It can be.
00:24:32I think you can be a different person in a different place.
00:24:35So you plan on being a different person.
00:24:39Yeah.
00:24:41I mean, not 100% different.
00:24:44A different version of me.
00:24:48More authentic.
00:24:49You plan on reinventing yourself.
00:24:53It's like you were saying about the show.
00:24:56L.A. was my show.
00:24:58I'm done with that kind of life.
00:25:03So how do you plan on a change?
00:25:09Well, one thing I know is I am not really gay.
00:25:15Richard.
00:25:18You're not really gay.
00:25:21You just got done telling me you were gay.
00:25:25I thought I was.
00:25:27And now you don't think you are.
00:25:32I don't know.
00:25:34I know I thought I was.
00:25:37Okay, so you sleep with men.
00:25:41Yeah.
00:25:45So what does that mean?
00:25:50I don't know.
00:25:51I was part of something, a community, I guess.
00:25:56Okay, a community.
00:25:58Community, which is what you said you wanted to be part of.
00:26:04True, sort of.
00:26:07I don't know.
00:26:08I mean, maybe it's just what I needed then.
00:26:12Okay, I don't understand.
00:26:17What do you mean?
00:26:23I never had the popularity that you had in high school.
00:26:28I wasn't a jock like Whitey.
00:26:31You know, a girl like you.
00:26:32Girl like me what?
00:26:33You would have never slept with somebody like me.
00:26:37Of course not.
00:26:38We were in high school.
00:26:40Because I wasn't cool because I was in theater, right?
00:26:43Yeah, exactly.
00:26:44You know how it works.
00:26:46But you slept with Whitey.
00:26:48Because he was on the football team.
00:26:53He didn't respect you?
00:26:56Yeah, he was on the football team and I was a cheerleader.
00:27:01You know, I thought we got all this.
00:27:03Yeah, you're helping me make my point.
00:27:05What's your point exactly?
00:27:11You seem to think that you knew, that I knew who I was in high school.
00:27:16But I didn't.
00:27:18No, maybe I wanted to sleep with women.
00:27:20You know, and maybe I was just attracted to or just curious.
00:27:26You know, about...
00:27:27Guys like Whitey.
00:27:29Guys like Whitey, exactly.
00:27:33And since you were a little sensitive and effeminate, you...
00:27:39Effeminate?
00:27:40Well, you were.
00:27:43Really? You thought I was effeminate in high school?
00:27:45Well...
00:27:48Okay.
00:27:50I guess I was.
00:27:52And then I moved and I got attention for the first time.
00:28:01It's attention from the gay community.
00:28:06Lots of attention.
00:28:10Well, it's nice to have attention.
00:28:36I hope you washed your hands.
00:28:59Did they let you take these out of the bar?
00:29:01Yeah, they know we're stuck here for a while.
00:29:03I don't care.
00:29:06Oh, hey, did you check on the flights?
00:29:08Oh, yeah, they said to check back in an hour.
00:29:11Oh, right.
00:29:22I was a little bit of a slut, too.
00:29:26I remember.
00:29:28Richard, be nice.
00:29:31Hey, I didn't want to say anything before, but you had a reputation.
00:29:37Wait a second.
00:29:39First you say that maybe you wanted to sleep with me in high school, but couldn't.
00:29:47And now I'm a slut.
00:29:51Sorry.
00:29:54Look, you slept with others, but not me.
00:29:57That makes you a slut in my book.
00:30:04Well, two sluts.
00:30:08I'm sure you're no sluttier than anyone else.
00:30:10Hey, don't take that away from me.
00:30:12Maybe I happen to like sex.
00:30:17Oh, I thought it was all the show.
00:30:19Being with a guy like Whitey was the show, but would have maybe slept with him for myself.
00:30:30You knew you liked sex at 16?
00:30:33Yeah, didn't you?
00:30:37Yeah.
00:30:38I mean, is that so weird?
00:30:41Why, because I'm a woman admitting it?
00:30:44Maybe double standard.
00:30:46Well, you knew you liked it then, didn't you?
00:30:50Who doesn't like sex that's like not liking pizza?
00:30:53Oh, I know plenty of women who are like over it.
00:30:59Giving up on sex?
00:31:01Yep, all over Grand Falls.
00:31:03That's just sad.
00:31:05I know.
00:31:06Sex is just, it's important.
00:31:11Maybe that's who we are inside.
00:31:15Just deep in our core we're sexual beings, animals.
00:31:26And I knew that by the time I was 16, didn't you?
00:31:33I suppose.
00:31:35I just actually hadn't had it yet.
00:31:38Now that, I can believe.
00:31:50But a real kiss is the best.
00:31:55You think so?
00:31:58Yeah.
00:32:01There's something about that moment when you kiss someone
00:32:08and there's something breathtaking about it.
00:32:21I did a lot of things I regretted in search of that feeling.
00:32:25You did?
00:32:27It was all good at the time.
00:32:29I mean, just giving in to those primal cravings.
00:32:36Right.
00:32:38It's what you do when you're in your 20s and you're stupid.
00:32:41You think you're invincible.
00:32:44You got hurt?
00:32:46No.
00:32:48But I hurt someone else.
00:32:52Your boyfriend?
00:32:55Yeah.
00:33:00You're the one that cheated?
00:33:02We both cheated, physically.
00:33:04We were just being fair and realistic to ourselves and our sexual needs.
00:33:12Okay.
00:33:13But one day I realized I'm not in it like him.
00:33:17I mean, he's committed to me.
00:33:20This lifestyle, and I'm just here for the...
00:33:22Fun.
00:33:24The tension is superficial.
00:33:27We're all superficial, I guess, at times.
00:33:32But you get to a point where you're like,
00:33:34what the fuck am I doing?
00:33:37This isn't a joke.
00:33:38This is my life happening here.
00:33:40And you wake up one day and you're in your 30s and you're like,
00:33:44what the fuck?
00:33:46What the fuck, exactly.
00:33:52What was your wake-up call?
00:33:56I think you get to a point where you realize you're not so young and stupid.
00:34:00You lose that as an excuse.
00:34:03You realize you're not invincible.
00:34:07You realize you can get hurt.
00:34:11People can do terrible things to you.
00:34:17So you decide to move back home?
00:34:21Just drop your life?
00:34:24Back to the roots.
00:34:25Start over.
00:34:26Can you really do that, though?
00:34:28Do you think it's realistic to think you can just drop your past?
00:34:33I still want the fairy tale.
00:34:37What's that look like for you?
00:34:40I know mine, fairy tale, but what's yours?
00:34:45Tradition.
00:34:47Same as you.
00:34:49Okay.
00:34:50I want all the things you're supposed to.
00:34:52I want to get married, have children.
00:34:55With a lover.
00:34:58No, with a wife.
00:34:59I want to find a good woman and have a simple life in a small town.
00:35:05Like you were saying, like society and the Bible wants you to, tells you to.
00:35:10So you can just flip the switch back like that.
00:35:15One day you're gay and the next day you marry a woman.
00:35:19It's not a switch.
00:35:20I've been thinking about it for a long time.
00:35:24Yeah, well, I'm glad it's so funny to you.
00:35:28I'm glad you find my life so hilarious.
00:35:31Look, I didn't think about going home before,
00:35:34but then everything happened with Kyle and, well, I just,
00:35:39I got in this reflective phase, you know?
00:35:42Okay.
00:35:44I know a couple things about sexuality and psychology
00:35:53and it just doesn't work that way.
00:35:56Look, I told you I was in it, yes, but in the end.
00:36:00Well, you can't go year after year being one person
00:36:05and all of a sudden realizing you're some other person.
00:36:10Why not?
00:36:11People don't do that.
00:36:13Did it?
00:36:14Did not.
00:36:15In high school with Whitey?
00:36:17Oh, come on.
00:36:19I wasn't a whole other person.
00:36:22You were living a lie.
00:36:23You said it.
00:36:24I was living what was expected of me.
00:36:27It wasn't a lie.
00:36:28It was still me.
00:36:30What's the difference?
00:36:32Maybe I didn't like it all the time, but I accepted it was my life
00:36:36and all the mistakes that I made were my own.
00:36:40But eventually you get older and you realize you can't keep up the charade
00:36:45and your whole fucking life's a charade.
00:36:55My life has been a charade, you're right, in many ways.
00:36:59We've just been going over what a great life you have,
00:37:02being popular and marrying Whitey.
00:37:04Yes, I accept this is my life, unlike you.
00:37:11You're talking like there's some other person you can pin responsibility on.
00:37:18That's a cop-out.
00:37:19A cop-out?
00:37:22What about you?
00:37:23You are right.
00:37:24I am running from more than you even know.
00:37:27I am getting far, far away.
00:37:30You've never been anywhere.
00:37:33You'll be back within six months.
00:37:37You're kind of pathetic, you know?
00:37:39Oh, I'm pathetic?
00:37:41You act like your life has been so heavy and intense
00:37:47because you were gay and cheated on a lover,
00:37:51but now you want to throw it all away and start fresh anew.
00:37:55You act like there was somebody else.
00:37:58Well, if there was somebody else, Richard, who was it?
00:38:01You know what? I'm just saying.
00:38:03I'm just saying that your problems seem pretty normal.
00:38:07Small-town girl, popular, marries the jock and it doesn't work out.
00:38:14You're a clichΓ©, Tiffany.
00:38:16I'm never coming back.
00:38:19Oh, sure, you'll explore.
00:38:21You'll search for that freedom that you missed out on
00:38:26when you got married in your 20s,
00:38:28and you'll look for that elusive, real kiss.
00:38:33But it doesn't exist.
00:38:36Not in the long run.
00:38:39And you know what?
00:38:41Eventually you'll want what I want, the husband, the kids.
00:38:44Oh, you think just because that's what you want, everybody does?
00:38:49I've been around a lot of people. I know what I'm talking about.
00:38:52You don't know shit about me or my problems.
00:38:57You're the typical small-town divorcee.
00:39:01Okay, you've never experienced life outside of our town.
00:39:06Once you get a taste of it, trust me, you'll be back, just like me.
00:39:10You're wrong.
00:39:12It didn't work out perfect.
00:39:15That's everyone's story.
00:39:18You don't know what you're talking about.
00:39:20So Whitey drank? What a shock.
00:39:23The high school jock who's now a drunk? Never heard of that one.
00:39:26There's more to it than that.
00:39:28Oh, don't tell me. Let me guess.
00:39:30He hit you.
00:39:32Oh, more cliches. I love it!
00:39:34He didn't hit me.
00:39:42We had a kid.
00:39:47You had a kid?
00:39:49Wait, you're a mom?
00:39:52I told you I gained weight after being pregnant.
00:39:56I guess you weren't listening.
00:39:58When we first started talking?
00:40:00That doesn't count.
00:40:02I didn't know I was going to talk to you seriously like this.
00:40:06Superficial, just like you said you were.
00:40:09Oh, now that's bullshit.
00:40:11So what, you're going to run off to the West Coast and leave your kid at home?
00:40:15For what, your mom to take care of or something?
00:40:18No.
00:40:20Oh, you get divorced, lose weight, dye your hair, get some fake nails,
00:40:25and you abandon your kid, what, because you think you deserve a better life?
00:40:28What's next, some fake tits?
00:40:30Maybe that'll make you a better person. Why don't you go for it?
00:40:36He's dead.
00:40:40What?
00:40:42He died a year ago.
00:40:46What, Whitey's dead?
00:40:48My son, you asshole.
00:41:15I don't know where to go
00:41:20Can't take these ups and downs
00:41:25Snow lands on the ground
00:41:30Let's swim until we drown
00:41:36I don't know where to call home
00:41:47And I can't stand on my own
00:41:59Don't rain on my parade
00:42:04Don't look through my charade
00:42:09Don't let that picture fade
00:42:19I thought we'd kill some time
00:42:24Escape the cold outside
00:42:29Secrets in your eyes
00:42:41Doesn't look good.
00:42:43They made an announcement about getting us out of here before the next storm comes, so maybe.
00:42:52Hey, I'm sorry.
00:42:54It's fine.
00:42:56I'm a little drunk.
00:42:58Me too.
00:43:01I shouldn't have been so insensitive.
00:43:04You said it's fine.
00:43:06You didn't know.
00:43:08Whatever.
00:43:10You said I was one of the sensitive ones, but I'm not.
00:43:15Sometimes I get defensive and I push people.
00:43:19I see that now.
00:43:22It's all over you, but your sexual lifestyle choices, it's all fair game, right?
00:43:31It's too intimate.
00:43:33I mean, we don't even know each other.
00:43:36We went to high school 15 years ago, for Christ's sake.
00:43:40And here I am, judging you, still making assumptions about your life and who you are.
00:43:49We're from the same town, so that's something.
00:43:53We're all entitled to our own opinions.
00:43:56Yeah, you know where someone's from. Talk a little.
00:44:00Makes us think we know who they are, but we don't.
00:44:06Well, folks, we were hoping to get a few of you out, but the temperature is a bit too low today.
00:44:11The wind's right now, so the planes are going to have to stay grounded for now.
00:44:15Looks like we're stuck here a little while longer.
00:44:20Want to take a walk?
00:44:24Do you dare?
00:44:26I'm not going to go off on you again. I said I was sorry.
00:44:31I don't know.
00:44:37I realized I was yelling at you, but only because I resented.
00:44:46Resent what?
00:44:49I'm telling you that you're this small-town clichΓ©, and yet that's the one thing I wish I could be.
00:44:58So you're a hypocrite?
00:45:01Maybe. Or just that love-hate thing.
00:45:06You know how sometimes you're drawn to things?
00:45:10You get in your head how great something's going to be?
00:45:15Or you just desperately want that one thing you deep down know is so bad for you?
00:45:46So what happened with your son? I mean, if you want to talk about it.
00:45:54Might as well now.
00:45:58Not if you don't want to.
00:46:01I don't need to know. I just thought maybeβ
00:46:03It was Whitey.
00:46:07What?
00:46:10What happened?
00:46:29He's drinking as usual.
00:46:33You picked him up.
00:46:36You picked him up after a game at school.
00:46:45What was his name?
00:46:50Jimmy Jr.
00:46:54Right.
00:46:59And no one else called him that. Only me.
00:47:05His friends at school called him Whitey. Just like his dad.
00:47:14So they were a lot alike?
00:47:16Like clones.
00:47:20He also played football.
00:47:25Just like his dad.
00:47:31So Whitey picks him up from school.
00:47:36It wasn't just the drinking.
00:47:41I knew Whitey was also messing with crystal meth.
00:47:50So you were around that too?
00:47:53Not me.
00:47:57I never tried the stuff.
00:48:00I did.
00:48:04You did?
00:48:21So Whitey was caught up in all that?
00:48:25Yeah.
00:48:28Yeah.
00:48:33Most people are real sweet in Grand Falls.
00:48:38It's just, you know, every town has their bad elements.
00:48:42His boys, you know.
00:48:44And he went to pick up your son after partying?
00:48:49I was supposed to pick him up.
00:48:52Pick him up.
00:48:55But I...
00:48:59Why?
00:49:08I was seeing someone I shouldn't have.
00:49:12I knew Whitey was at the bar.
00:49:18Watching games with his buddies all night.
00:49:25And no one was at your son's game?
00:49:29It was just a practice game.
00:49:34I see.
00:49:38And well, Whitey is driving drunk as usual.
00:49:48And he picked up Jimmy Jr. from school and he wrapped the car around a tree.
00:50:03And the police called.
00:50:08And I'm in a hotel room with Whitey's business partner.
00:50:16Oh no.
00:50:23You know how you were calling me a clichΓ©?
00:50:28Well, maybe you're right.
00:50:35It's what I am.
00:50:38One big fucking white trash clichΓ©.
00:50:46Don't say that.
00:50:48It's true.
00:50:51Maybe I got so upset with you before because I knew you were hitting a nerve.
00:51:01I was just being an asshole.
00:51:03Truth is...
00:51:07Maybe you do see me clearly.
00:51:12This isn't your fault?
00:51:16Yeah, that's what people say.
00:51:21It's my fault.
00:51:25In some ways it is.
00:51:27People have fairs.
00:51:30You couldn't have known.
00:51:36I was selfish.
00:51:40And now I have nothing.
00:51:47They're gone.
00:51:52They both died?
00:51:56No.
00:51:59No.
00:52:02Whitey survived.
00:52:05His airbag went off.
00:52:11A little Jimmy Jr.
00:52:21His chest got smashed.
00:52:29Oh.
00:52:36So sad.
00:52:41That's not even the sad part.
00:52:48The sad part...
00:52:52is Whitey called me while I was fucking Darren.
00:53:02And it's like, do I answer the phone and have him question where I've been?
00:53:11And then when we finish and we go again in the shower and I can hear the phone ringing.
00:53:23So finally I'm like, what the fuck?
00:53:30And you listened to the message?
00:53:33Hours later...
00:53:35Hours later...
00:53:39a lot of time had passed.
00:53:48Then I...
00:53:53go to the hospital.
00:53:57It was too late.
00:53:59It was gone.
00:54:30How old was he?
00:54:32He was 12.
00:54:34Can you even believe that?
00:54:36Me with a 12-year-old?
00:54:38Almost a teenager.
00:54:40He was making me feel old.
00:54:43That's understandable.
00:54:46How?
00:54:48What about this is understandable?
00:54:52Do you feel old?
00:54:54What about this is understandable?
00:54:58The affair.
00:55:00You were feeling older.
00:55:01It sounds like Whitey had abandoned you emotionally.
00:55:04Definitely sexually.
00:55:06It's no excuse.
00:55:09I should have been there for Jimmy Jr.
00:55:12But the sad thing is, is I...
00:55:16resented him.
00:55:19Your own son?
00:55:20He was just like Whitey.
00:55:23The older he got, the more he got into sports.
00:55:27It's the same thing.
00:55:29Like me being back in high school.
00:55:32He was like going through it with Whitey all over again.
00:55:35Just like him.
00:55:36Talking like him.
00:55:38Acting like him.
00:55:40I loved Jimmy Jr.
00:55:43But sometimes it was like there was no escape.
00:55:49Like I was doomed to keep living the same life
00:55:52with the same man over and over.
00:55:56But he wasn't Whitey.
00:55:58I'm sure he loved you.
00:56:00I'm sure you were a great mom.
00:56:02I tried.
00:56:05But the older he got, the older I felt
00:56:10because it reminded me of how I used to be.
00:56:14How me and Whitey used to be.
00:56:17It's normal to feel that way.
00:56:19I'm sure.
00:56:33Stuck in an airport.
00:56:35On a Saturday night, no less.
00:56:38It's kind of depressing.
00:56:40I'm not depressed.
00:56:42Not anymore.
00:56:44You were?
00:56:46I was.
00:56:48I was for a long time.
00:56:51But after a lot of thinking.
00:56:54Did you talk to a therapist?
00:56:56No, of course not.
00:56:57We don't do things like that in Grand Falls.
00:57:01Meds?
00:57:03No.
00:57:05How did you ever get through all of that without therapists or meds?
00:57:10I wrote in a journal and cried.
00:57:14I cried a lot about where my life ended up
00:57:19and how sad it was.
00:57:23You felt sorry for yourself.
00:57:26Hey, maybe I'm not some rich art dealer
00:57:30who can afford years and years of therapy
00:57:34just to find out I'm selfish and need attention.
00:57:40So that's what Whitey's partner was about?
00:57:43Was it a long-term thing or just one indiscretion?
00:57:48He was on the books for a long time
00:57:51before we did anything about it.
00:57:54On the books?
00:57:56No.
00:57:58On the books.
00:58:00Someone who you know you're gonna sleep with when you first meet
00:58:04but for whatever reason or circumstance.
00:58:08You just don't.
00:58:13So you were into him.
00:58:16Caught up in him is more like it.
00:58:20He was attractive.
00:58:23Also married.
00:58:26So it seemed okay.
00:58:28That logic is called justification.
00:58:31Life's all justification.
00:58:34I mean, how else can you live with some of the things that you do?
00:58:41Coming up with an angle that you can live with.
00:58:46Convincing yourself that your bad decision is okay.
00:58:50We all do it.
00:58:52We all do.
00:58:55Maybe that's what life is all about.
00:58:58Looking for excitement and attention.
00:59:04We're all just selfish at the core.
00:59:07Yes, but under the caveat that being selfish is just how things are.
00:59:11You can't control or change it.
00:59:14No, I'm optimistic.
00:59:17Maybe I'll find a better life in a new location.
00:59:22I mean, it's gotta be better.
00:59:28Can't stay where all this happened, right?
00:59:34Sometimes you can be a different person in a different place.
00:59:38Right.
00:59:40And you have your philosophy that no matter where you go, there you'll be.
00:59:47I believe that, sure.
00:59:53You are a hypocrite.
00:59:57You know, I had you on this pedestal
01:00:01because you lived in California and you were successful
01:00:06and I thought you were smarter than me and knew more.
01:00:10But now that I know you,
01:00:14you just keep spouting out all these life philosophies and they all contradict.
01:00:21Because I'm a hypocrite.
01:00:23Didn't you just call me that?
01:00:27I think it's all a cover.
01:00:32What do you mean?
01:00:34You say all these things and they make you sound smart
01:00:38and make you sound like you understand yourself and your life,
01:00:42but you don't.
01:00:48Why don't you tell me the truth, Richard?
01:00:52Do you know what the truth is?
01:00:58Going back to the beginning was the only plan that made sense to me.
01:01:01Start over.
01:01:03Then maybe you can get it right the second time.
01:01:05You say you were selfish in L.A.
01:01:08and now you selfishly want to come back home and start over
01:01:13and bring an innocent woman and child into your selfishness.
01:01:18It's not like that.
01:01:20This is all a lie.
01:01:23Look, just because my dream isn't the same as yours doesn't make it less valid.
01:01:27You can comment on my life, but when the mirror is turned around,
01:01:33you can't take it on yourself.
01:01:36Sure I can.
01:01:38Breaking out of a bad relationship is one thing,
01:01:41but so bad you decide you want to be with women?
01:01:44Come on.
01:01:45When was it bad enough for you to become this desperate?
01:01:54February 18th.
01:01:58Right.
01:01:59You said you cheated on Kyle, but that was the lifestyle, right?
01:02:03I suppose technically I cheated on him and he cheated on me,
01:02:08but none of that meant anything.
01:02:10I mean, we knew we'd come home to each other at the end of the day.
01:02:13You had the mutual understanding.
01:02:18He trusted me.
01:02:22And?
01:02:26And?
01:02:29Richard, what did you do?
01:02:33Hey, I told you everything about me.
01:02:37Things no one knows.
01:02:42I know.
01:02:45So just tell me whatever it is.
01:02:57I picked up this guy at a bathhouse.
01:03:03They still have bathhouses?
01:03:09Yeah.
01:03:10I'm sorry.
01:03:12I get it. It's funny.
01:03:15It's just how it works.
01:03:17So wait.
01:03:19You must have spent Valentine's Day with Kyle,
01:03:24so then a couple days later you were with this stranger you met at a bathhouse.
01:03:33Yeah.
01:03:36I sound like this heartless human being.
01:03:40Tell me.
01:03:50We had sex.
01:03:52Bareback.
01:03:57Like anal?
01:04:02What do you think?
01:04:03Okay.
01:04:12He was HIV positive.
01:04:19Wow.
01:04:24I don't know.
01:04:28Hundreds of times.
01:04:31No, make that thousands.
01:04:35I don't even know how many times I had sex before that night.
01:04:40You were with a lot of different men?
01:04:45It was just all fun and games at the time, you know?
01:04:50But you always practiced safe sex.
01:04:55Of course.
01:04:58Except with Kyle, of course.
01:04:59I mean, we were married.
01:05:06Now I get what you're saying.
01:05:09And he just let it happen.
01:05:12I mean, I was faced the other way, you know?
01:05:14I knew he had rubbers, but I was kind of fucked up and he was kind of fucked up.
01:05:20Richard, that's like rape.
01:05:24I know.
01:05:25And assault.
01:05:26I know.
01:05:30Did you want to kill him?
01:05:37Well, I didn't realize until later.
01:05:44So you went back to him?
01:05:48No.
01:05:50I didn't even know his name.
01:05:53In fact, he was visiting from Montreal or something.
01:05:59It is so selfish of him.
01:06:03Selfish, right?
01:06:05Proving yet again...
01:06:08That people are unbelievable.
01:06:14Well, I don't...
01:06:17I don't know if it was deliberate or an accident or what happened.
01:06:22I'd like to believe it was an accident.
01:06:29So you're dying.
01:06:32The cocktail's taken with me. I'm fine.
01:06:36Fine?
01:06:42It was my fault.
01:06:46Completely.
01:06:51I was a selfish one. I wouldn't have been there with that guy if I wasn't being selfish.
01:06:57You had an open relationship.
01:07:02I know, but... and it was Kyle's idea.
01:07:06But I think he thought he had to.
01:07:08I mean, he knew I wasn't ready to settle down.
01:07:11He just did it for me.
01:07:14It was a mistake.
01:07:17Yes, it was a mistake, but I know it was...
01:07:21my fault.
01:07:24I keep blaming him, but...
01:07:28I was the one who was reckless.
01:07:33Kyle loved me.
01:07:35He trusted me.
01:07:37And he loved me.
01:07:40And I totally blew it.
01:07:45Now I'm all alone.
01:07:47I have nothing.
01:07:56So maybe it isn't...
01:07:59attention or selfishness that drives us.
01:08:06What then?
01:08:08It all comes down to wanting to be loved.
01:08:13That's what the fairy tale really means, doesn't it?
01:08:17That we find love in the end?
01:08:21I don't know.
01:08:28I mean, maybe it is all biological.
01:08:35With everything we know about DNA.
01:08:42I mean, think about it.
01:08:45Everyone you've ever been with, ever kissed,
01:08:50ever been intimate with,
01:08:53your DNA is left with them forever.
01:08:59We leave traces of ourselves.
01:09:03Maybe there's something to that.
01:09:07The way DNA evidence is left on a victim forever,
01:09:17even if their body's dug up later, it's still there.
01:09:22Literally, we leave pieces of ourselves with each person,
01:09:29and them with us.
01:09:34The people we're close to become part of us.
01:09:42Forever.
01:09:52So...
01:09:55Kyle woke up with you after all this?
01:10:02I left him.
01:10:05Wait.
01:10:07He was willing to stay with you after all this, and you left?
01:10:14Richard.
01:10:18That's what I was saying.
01:10:21That was my moment.
01:10:25When I suddenly realized I'd gone to the edge.
01:10:31And that I fell over the edge.
01:10:35Crashed and burned.
01:10:40Suddenly life's not all fun and games anymore.
01:10:46Like my moment at the hospital.
01:10:51You see the bigger picture.
01:10:55Maybe it's out of our control.
01:10:59You mean like fate or something?
01:11:02That could just be more bullshit we're convincing ourselves of.
01:11:06I've become pretty good at believing my own justifications.
01:11:15Do you think you could ever get back with Whitey?
01:11:20Oh, come on.
01:11:25Everybody makes mistakes.
01:11:28I mean, I know that was a pretty big mistake.
01:11:35He has to be hurting too. It was his son.
01:11:41Yeah.
01:11:45He wants to get back together.
01:11:51Would you?
01:11:55Could you ever get past something traumatic like that?
01:12:02Maybe things could work out.
01:12:08Sometimes there's just too much history.
01:12:16Too much hurt.
01:12:19You know.
01:12:24Sometimes it's easier to move forward than to go back.
01:12:30You've messed up too much to ever make it right.
01:12:35Yeah.
01:12:38Sometimes a fresh start is what you have to do.
01:12:48You have no choice.
01:13:06Looks like maybe we're going to get out of here after all.
01:13:15Looks like it.
01:13:20I know this move is the right thing for me.
01:13:46Me too.
01:14:16This piece of you
01:14:22Am I alone in this world
01:14:29Cause I can't help feel this way
01:14:38I know how to say
01:14:43That I need you to stay
01:15:03Well I'm moving forward then
01:15:08I'm headed back again
01:15:17I can't stop this feeling that
01:15:23I just can't seem to win
01:15:31Am I alone in this world
01:15:38Cause I can't help feel this way
01:15:47Don't know how to say
01:15:52That I need you to stay
01:16:22Don't know how to say
01:16:27That I need you to stay
01:16:32Don't know how to say
01:16:37That I need you to stay
01:16:45Am I alone in this world
01:16:52Cause I can't help feel this way
01:17:01Don't know how to say
01:17:06That I need you to stay
01:17:37Excuse me, but are you Richard?
01:17:42Richard Mack from Grand Falls?
01:17:45No, I'm Steve.