Stefan Molyneux
  • 4 months ago
In this episode, I examine the complexities of dating, focusing on how to evaluate a partner's chaotic traits for relationship viability. Using a listener's case, I stress the importance of looking beyond initial attraction and assessing character, especially for future parenting roles.
We tackle fears of social rejection and the pitfalls of procrastination in dating, encouraging a proactive approach. Through personal stories and insights, I aim to empower listeners to confront their fears and recognize that success in relationships requires self-awareness and courage.

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Transcript
00:00Good morning everybody.
00:02Stefan Muller new from
00:04free domain listener questions
00:06let's go how to decide whether a
00:08somewhat chaotic person is worth dating for example
00:10I'm currently dating says a
00:12listener a 30 year old woman who makes above average
00:14salary but cannot save any money cannot cook
00:16her place is quite messy and run down and she has
00:18sleeping issues and panic attacks which she says
00:20said have disappeared after starting
00:22to date me. How could one move forward in
00:24such situations without dismissing a person
00:26too early and perhaps for the wrong reasons but
00:28also without falling into the trap of trying to
00:30excessively change or quote save
00:32someone. Well
00:34I will tell you
00:36that if your
00:38most foundational reason
00:40for dating a woman is
00:42sexual attraction you are in for
00:44a long and miserable life
00:46you are in for a long
00:48and miserable life
00:50I'll tell you this man
00:52over the course of
00:54getting married of having
00:56work of
00:58aging parents
01:00of various
01:02ailments of the having
01:04and raising of children I'll just tell
01:06you this you're going to spend
01:08a not insubstantial amount of time
01:10over the course of a long marriage
01:12not having sex
01:14you're doing a bunch of other stuff
01:16right I mean
01:18the stuff and business of
01:20life as a whole you
01:22are going to spend a significant
01:24majority of your time
01:26in your life with
01:28a wife not having
01:30sex just
01:32to be aware just so you know
01:34so
01:36if your primary
01:38attraction to a woman
01:40is a desire to have sex with her
01:42then you're going to spend
01:44the vast majority of your life
01:46putting up with someone and not having
01:48sex right
01:50so let's say you
01:52have sex three to four
01:54times a week let's say
01:56three to four times a week 20 minutes a pop
01:58so that's an hour give or take right
02:00so you get an hour a week
02:02it's an hour a week
02:04well that is not
02:06specifically a massive
02:08amount of time because
02:10you've got 16 hours a day
02:12of being awake let's just say 8 hours
02:14with your partner
02:16right
02:188 hours a day with your partner
02:20and if you're doing an hour a week
02:22you know divided by 7, 9 minutes
02:24you get 8 hours 9 minutes
02:26of sexual activity on average
02:28so the vast majority of your time is spent
02:30not having sex
02:32right this is what they call post nut
02:34clarity there's a kind
02:36of fever dream that overtakes a man
02:38when
02:40a woman is sexy and
02:42also if she has the additional
02:44layer of sad
02:46tragic victim and
02:48helpless fairly
02:50incompetent at least in this case
02:52in the personal sphere kind of woman that's
02:54a special trigger for some kind of men and we
02:56sort of lose our minds
02:58so let's look at the facts
03:00a 30 year old woman makes
03:02above average salary
03:04so what does that matter
03:06so I'm going to assume
03:08that you want to get married and have children
03:10because if you don't
03:12then there's much less
03:14philosophical content to your relationship
03:16it's much less forward thinking
03:18so if you're going to get married
03:20and have children and you want
03:22to be a good father
03:24then your wife will stay home
03:26with your children
03:28so if your wife stays home with your children
03:30what on earth does her above
03:32average salary matter because it's going
03:34to go poof bye bye gone gone gone
03:36gone gone gone
03:38gone gone gone gone so long
03:40so
03:42she is going to be
03:44a homemaker if you want what's best for your children. What's best for your
03:48children is a stay-at-home mother. Breastfeeding, I mean, breastfeeding is so
03:53amazing that if your child, not if, when your child gets an infection the saliva
03:59on the nipple signals to the mother to produce more antibodies which she
04:02transfers through the breast milk to the child. You ain't gonna get that from
04:07powdered formula. So if you want what's best for your children then your wife
04:14stays home with your babies. So she ain't working so what does it matter about her
04:19above average salary? What is going to matter is how well can she run a home
04:23and she clearly is clueless about running a home because she can't even
04:31keep her own place tidy or sanitary and she can't cook and she has sleeping
04:39issues and panic attacks which means that she has, I would imagine, a fairly
04:44permanently activated fight-or-flight mechanism. Now the fact that she's dating
04:47you means that she's under the protection of a male which allows women
04:50to relax. I mean one of the reasons that totalitarians or totalitarian
04:56minded people want to keep women single is when women are single they're in a
05:02semi-permanent state of fight-or-flight which creates a fair amount of anxiety
05:06which has them cry out for authoritarianism and protection from bad
05:10feels, which is the state. You have to like the person as she is. You
05:18have to like the person as he is. You have to admire the person and you have
05:24to picture, you have to picture the person without sexual access. In other
05:33words you have to say if this person was not sexually available to me, for whatever
05:39reason, would I still enjoy my time with this person? Because that's a dry run for
05:4599% of your time over the course of your marriage which is spent not having sex.
05:49It's chatting, cuddling, doing taxes, taking care of the sick, being sick, taking
05:56care of children, homeschooling, planning trips, taking care of elderly parents.
06:02There is a lot that goes into a marriage that is about not
06:09having sex. I mean especially if you homeschool right? So do you like her for
06:15who she is? Number one. Does she have a courage, integrity, honesty, directness,
06:22loyalty? Does she have the basic virtues that would have you admire a person?
06:28Number one. Number two. Number one means if that isn't passed nothing else
06:34becomes relevant and then you say okay if she were sexually inaccessible to me
06:40would I still enjoy her company? Because you know when you're a man,
06:44particularly a younger man, it's a lot about you know sex delirium right?
06:50Being dick-napped which is be kidnapped by your own penis and hormones right?
06:54So would you, if this woman were your best friend's wife, in other words she was
07:01not sexually available to you in no way shape or form and they had a happy
07:06marriage, would you enjoy spending time with her? Well if you enjoy spending time
07:13with her because she's a good person and a person that you admire and a
07:17person that you respect, if she's an honorable good woman, okay then you move
07:24to the next step which is okay does she want to and does she have the skills to
07:29be a good mother for my children? For our children right? Because that requires a
07:37certain amount of skills and maturity in terms of running a home and in terms
07:43of her compassion and her strength and all of that kind of good stuff. Okay so
07:50if you like her as a person and you admire her morals and she has the desire
07:56to be and the skills to be a good mother to your children, well then you probably
08:02are going to find it worth continuing right? But instead of thinking with your
08:07reproductive organs, start thinking with regards to your future children. Is she
08:13going to be a good mom? Is she going to be a fun mom? Is she going to be warm and
08:17compassionate and patient and bonded? Does she love children? Does she enjoy
08:24the prospect of motherhood? So you can't save people, you can't save people. You
08:31can give them good advice but you can't save people. You can help guide people
08:37who are already in a good direction. Like an expert coach cannot make an Olympic
08:44athlete. If the Olympic athlete is highly motivated and willing to listen to
08:48coaching and willing to do the drills and the practice of the exercise of the
08:52stretches and the rub downs and and all of that, then there's a chance. But an
08:58expert coach can't just pick someone at random and turn them into an Olympic
09:01athlete. And of course you have to both be willing to coach others and be
09:07coached yourself in order for there to be a great relationship. But what you
09:12don't want of course, what you don't want is to get married, have children and come
09:20home to unhappy children, a sobbing dysfunctional wife and a smelly messy
09:27home. Oh my friend you don't want that. And a woman who is going through a
09:35variety of mental health crises when she's single and childless or at least
09:41unmarried, a woman who's going through mental health crises in the relatively
09:46calm waters of her 20s and is having panic attacks and sleep issues and can't
09:52keep a place tidy and doesn't know how to cook and and all of that, a woman who's
09:57going through all of that. I mean I think of the things that I consider
10:03dramatic in my 20s and after, you know, you hold a precious child and you're
10:07responsible for keeping that child alive and bringing that child up well and
10:11you're responsible for people who are ill and and so on, right? I mean the
10:17dramas of my 20s, I don't mean to diminish them, they were important at the
10:20time. But looking back on them, my gosh, my gosh, the responsibilities that you
10:27accumulate later in life are far greater than the responsibilities you
10:32have early in life. So she's only really been responsible for herself and she's
10:36in a chaotic dysfunctional panic attack messy place state. How is that going to
10:43be when she takes on the responsibilities of wife and mother? So
10:47she's distressed and chaotic and crazed when she's only responsible for herself.
10:52How's she going to be when she's responsible for the literal lives of
10:57babies and toddlers? Also, of course, was she raised to be a wife and mother? Now
11:05this isn't an absolute. I was certainly not raised to be a husband and father
11:10but I put a lot of work into figuring out how to do these things. So if she has
11:17no knowledge of cooking, it means that she had a chaotic mother. If she has no
11:22knowledge of even the basics, how do you not keep a place tidy when it's
11:27just you? No husband, no kids, no guests really to speak of. So how do you
11:34keep a place messy when it's just you? And is it going to be easier to keep a
11:38place tidy when she has a husband and two or three kids? So coming home from a
11:43man for a man to come home to a messy, dirty, chaotic place is depressing as hell.
11:51You want to come home from work to a place, it doesn't have to be spotless of
11:56course, right? But you know tidy and organized with some happy kids, right?
12:03Coming home to just a smelly mess and a bunch of unhappy kids is depressing. One
12:10of the ways that a woman displays her self-esteem is through the quality of
12:15her home. And if the quality of the home is bad, the man's motivation is deflated
12:21because it's like I'm working for this, thank you but no. So anyway those are my
12:25thoughts. All right, I'm 24 so someone and the older I get, the more I feel I
12:29totally lack experience pursuing women in relationships. I've only asked a girl
12:34out once in person and that was after almost an entire year of building
12:37familiarity during band rehearsal. I have a lot of fear around the idea of
12:40pursuing women, especially in new environments. I feel like it's frowned
12:44upon to ask someone out and if it doesn't work out, I won't be able to show
12:47my face in that environment because my ulterior motive has been exposed. This
12:52might be vanity but I'm extremely afraid of doing things incorrectly, especially
12:55publicly. I avoid doing new or unfamiliar things and if I fall or make large
13:00mistakes at something in front of others, I feel a very strong desire to quit that
13:04activity entirely or isolate myself until I can perform better. Pursuing
13:08women is an area I don't know how to do correctly and one I feel will have the
13:11worst social consequences if I do it wrong. Do you have any advice on how I
13:14can overcome this fear? I sort of hate to say get over yourself but the
13:22chaotic and messy business of improving yourself is always going to be a bad
13:30feeling. The first time you go to the gym you won't know what you're
13:32doing. The first time you sit down to learn piano, you're not going to know
13:36what you're doing. The first time you try shooting a bow, you're not going to know
13:41what you're doing and you're going to look quote foolish and make mistakes and
13:45so on. And so in general the reason that we end up feeling this way is that
13:49people who have superior knowledge have two choices. If you have greater
13:56knowledge then you can either a. enjoy transferring that knowledge to other
14:02people by keeping the flame alive and inspiring others to pursue the excellence
14:07that you have achieved. That's number one. You humble yourself to the
14:11ignorance of others, encourage them and give them a positive experience in
14:15learning your expertise so that your expertise can spread and the world can
14:19become a better place thereby. Number one. Number two. You can sneer at people who
14:26for whatever reason know less about your particular topic than you do and you can
14:33roll your eyes and you can consider yourself all kinds of superior as long
14:37as you compare yourself your strengths against their weaknesses. Never their
14:40strengths against your weaknesses because everything that you learn is
14:44something else you haven't learned. People look at oh he's so-and-so is
14:47really good at piano and that's great. I mean I'd love to be good at
14:50piano but I'd rather be better at philosophy and if I spent a thousand or
14:53two thousand or five thousand hours becoming really good at piano then that
14:57would be a whole lot less philosophy out there in the world and I think the world
15:01needs better philosophy not another pianist. So if a pianist looks at me
15:07playing chopsticks and says you suck well I can look at all the time the
15:12pianist spent learning piano versus all the time I spent learning philosophy and
15:17say as a philosopher you suck right but it's just kind of sad it's sort of
15:19pointless and it's a vanity thing right it's a vanity thing. Vanity is I can't
15:25look bad which means I can't learn. I can't make mistakes. I can't fail. Now a
15:29lot of times people who have this kind of thin-skinned brittleness this vanity
15:33they have it because they have vainglorious insecure teachers priests
15:41parents or whoever authority figures who are supposed to encourage you to
15:44knowledge and virtue instead people sneered at you for not knowing things
15:48and said that they were somehow existentially or ontologically better
15:54because they knew stuff and you didn't right so a teacher should encourage you
16:00to pursue knowledge and you should be enthusiastic about the pursuit of
16:04knowledge but an exploiter will make you feel bad for not possessing the
16:08knowledge he has and thus he will not transfer his knowledge he will transfer
16:13insecurity and this way he doesn't face as much competition so I assume that you
16:18were raised by a people and this could be within the family outside the family
16:23but so you were raised by people who hoarded their knowledge by insulting the
16:30novices right as I mentioned many times in the show over the years it's a vivid
16:35example of the guy it was my first week in a very complicated large hardware
16:39store and I didn't know where a particular wrench was and he's like I'll
16:42for you should know this by now right rather than hey you're new let me show
16:47you take you over here it is here's how things are organized you know whatever
16:51here's a little map I drew so you can memorize it you know just being helpful
16:54and right now of course many years later I had to go back to the hardware store
16:58for something else I had moved on to bigger and better things and Joe
17:02loserhead was still working in the hardware store like oh yes now of course
17:07I didn't rub his nose in it oh you're still working here how did you moved on
17:11this place late this place pays like 250 an hour what are you crazy make any
17:17sense so where's that 5,000 year it's pretty sad right so yeah I'm I didn't
17:24right but so you lack experience pursuing women in relationships so if I
17:28was a young man I'd be I'd be thrilled at that see it's still about your
17:33perspective oh I'm I'm so scared to pursue girls right okay well that's
17:38great news because there are a lot of young men who are scared to pursue girls
17:43like half of men young men aged 18 to 24 almost half 45% have never asked a
17:50girl that so you can look at that and say oh there's a huge problem a young
17:55among young men I would look at that and say that's great freaking news that's
18:01great freaking news because half of my competition has self-eliminated right so
18:08if you're trying to get a gold medal and get on a Wheaties box right if you're
18:12trying to get a gold medal at the Olympics and your major competitor of
18:17the guy you're most afraid of getting the gold instead of you decides to take
18:22up Tibetan chanting and retreat to a monastery in the highlands I mean do you
18:29feel like that's bad or that's good no that's good for you because you're much
18:32more likely now to get the gold because your competitor has self-eliminated so
18:37as a young man you now have effectively twice the number of women available to
18:41you and as a young man you feel insecure regarding girls well of course
18:49you do I mean has nobody ever told you that that's completely expected that's
18:54the absolute natural and healthy state of things for you to feel relatively
18:58worthless and insecure regarding girls yes no shit Sherlock right of course of
19:07course you feel insecure and worthless relative to girls because girls young
19:11like young women 18 to 24 are at the height of their attractiveness and
19:15romantic value and so on and as a young man right beauty for resources their
19:22beauty is evident your resources are still to come so you feel insecure good
19:26that means they're gonna work extra hard that means that you're gonna have to put
19:30on a big mating display and show your intelligence your wit and all of the
19:35abilities and faculties that are gonna as much as possible guarantee your
19:39future success so that an attractive woman will commit to you and so on right
19:43so I get that but you're like some half-starved desperate job seeker who
19:49only cares about whether the person interviewing him wants to hire him he
19:53never thinks about whether he wants to work there right so women say well we we
20:00find confidence very attractive right so what is confidence well confidence is I'm
20:04happy to be evaluated I also will be evaluating so if you go to an attractive
20:12woman and you ask you chat with her and she's cold and she's hostile or
20:17indifferent or has cocktail eyes just staring around the room or whatever it
20:21is right if you do all of that then she is a rude and vain person and I
20:28understand some of that if you're a very attractive woman you have to have an
20:31arresting bitch face they call it like to have to be a little cold and hostile
20:34otherwise all the men in the known universe are lining up to date you so
20:39you evaluate the woman is she friendly is she positive is she enthusiastic is
20:46she funny does she have interesting hobbies does she read books because if
20:49she doesn't read books particularly fiction then she's unlikely to have
20:53empathy right is she strong does she resist groupthink does she have
20:59independent ideas and arguments of her own is she offended by ideas that go
21:05against what she knows or is she curious about the world because women who use
21:13offense as a means of social control will box you in and paint you into a
21:17corner to the point where you chew your own arm off rather than be trapped that
21:21way for one more minute so yeah you're frightened of pursuing women I get that
21:25that's natural why do you think men why do you think young men have evolved to
21:29be frightened of pursuing women well it it's what spurs us to achieve it's why
21:35we have a civilization why we invented fire to keep women warm right it's why
21:41we invented clothing to keep women warm it's why we invented farming to keep
21:46women fed right that's why we invented houses to keep women clothed I mean if
21:51you look at the average bachelor pad you know the joke that it's a futon and a
21:57giant TV and a video game console giant TV is resting not on a nice mahogany
22:04console but on the box it came in that's how men live right men make houses women
22:10make homes so we are motivated towards excellence largely for the providing for
22:17women and children so yes you're nervous about that and you should be nervous
22:22about that because how do you know if you're going to be a good provider how
22:25do you know if you're going to be a good provider and a strong husband and
22:28father how do you know that well you don't so everyone thinks that this
22:32nervousness thing oh I feel anxious I feel nervous like it's just it's just a
22:36bad weird thought that needs to be you know chased out of your mind like it's
22:42just it's crazy and irrational and well how do you know that your fear and
22:45anxiety is crazy and irrational right how do you know would you be a strong
22:51attractive appealing provider and protector for your wife and children
22:55well if you don't believe that then asking women out is kind of fraudulent
23:02because asking women out is saying I'm auditioning to be a strong protector and
23:07provider for you and future children right that's what asking a woman out is
23:13now if you don't believe deep down that you can be or will be a strong provider
23:18and protector for your family then of course you're nervous because you're
23:22fraudulent so you need to figure out how now it doesn't mean that you are doing
23:27that now but you know that you'll do that in the future I mean I worked in a
23:32daycare for many years and spend time around family and kids and kids really
23:36like me I really enjoy the company of children and so I knew for sure that I
23:43was going to be a good father I knew that I mean I absolutely knew that for
23:48sure and women said oh you're confident and so on it's like well but that that I
23:53know for sure now a good provider and so on well once I started to make some
23:56money in my 20s in the software field as an entrepreneur then I knew I was going
24:02to be a good provider and because I've been working out my whole life that
24:09changes your mindset considerably right I mean if you're physically weak as a
24:13man it's very hard to have confidence so working out is not so much to change
24:19your body as it is to change your mind you move differently in the world when
24:23you have muscles you move differently in your mind you're showing discipline
24:30consistency and the self-respect to be physically strong so if you're physically
24:37weak and you don't have the resolution and will to go out and win resources in
24:44the arena of the market and you've never really spent much time around kids so
24:51that you know whether or not they like you you like them then aren't you
24:56putting forward a kind of fraud so maybe your insecurity is stop faking it like
25:02when it comes to romance you literally you absolutely cannot fake it till you
25:06make it you have to have the confidence that in the future you will be a good
25:11provider and in the present you will be a good protector and can you be a good
25:15protector if you're physically weak now I'm not talking about getting into
25:19fights I'm talking about preventing fights by getting fairly physically
25:23strong you just you move different in the world I mean I've been working out
25:27since I was 15 or 16 years old I certainly started working out after I
25:32read all of the ancient Greek philosophers focus on the excellence of
25:37the body and the strength of the body so I've been working out since my mid-teens
25:41so over 40 years and I've never been in a physical fight it doesn't happen so
25:50it's about prevention so start exercising so that you can at least say
25:55I'm putting out the markers of being a good provider and if you're afraid of
25:59doing things incorrectly that's because you had exploitive knowledge holders in
26:04the past who made themselves feel good by making you feel stupid and that's
26:08really sad and I sympathize with that but you gotta you gotta find a way to
26:12move beyond it you can't let like as I said in my stream recently and it came
26:18out of a private call the bad guys win when you start treating everyone as a
26:22bad guy so if you had people who humiliated you for the inevitable lack
26:26of knowledge and skill you had being a child if you had people who humiliated
26:30you you know it's like it's like some guy who's 5'6 mocking a toddler for
26:35being short I mean it's just pathetic right but if you had people who mocked
26:38you because you lack knowledge and skill as a child or teenager then if you treat
26:45everyone like they're those people like let's say it was your parents right if
26:48you treat everyone as if they're gonna mock you for lacking skill and ability
26:52and so on then you're allowing your cruel parents to have you go through the
27:00world treating everyone like they're your cruel parents which means they win
27:03you lose because now you're treating everyone like they were your cruel
27:07parents which means people with skill aren't gonna want to have much to do
27:11with you so if you treat everyone like abusers then healthy people avoid you
27:14because healthy people don't want to be in the category of abuse abuser so try
27:21to avoid that you know there are lots of there are lots of nice and good and
27:25healthy people in the world who will encourage you you know you got this you
27:29know who will encourage you who will transfer knowledge in a positive
27:32exciting and benevolent manner I mean I'm one of those people right I don't
27:36humiliate people for not knowing philosophy I will occasionally be pretty
27:40aggressive with people or at least assertive with people who pretend to
27:43know philosophy and are leading people astray and that's pretty important I
27:47don't the ignorant are not my enemy the aggressive sophists in some ways are so
27:52don't treat everyone like they're your terrible parents or terrible teachers
27:56and so on and the other thing last thing I'll say about this is this it's now or
28:03never procrastination is the belief that putting off necessary work will get
28:10easier later when it in fact gets harder I've always had this hourglass in my
28:16mind that if I don't do it now then it's going to be harder later I mean if
28:22it's raining and you have to move a giant barrel that's a third full of
28:27water and you say well it's too heavy to lift now I'll do it later well later
28:31it's going to be more full of water your only chance to do it now is to do it now
28:36your only chance to do it at all is to do it now the rain barrel fills up if
28:41you need to move it without spilling it over you it's way better to do it when
28:49it's a third full than when it's two thirds full and every day is another
28:52drop of rain every hour every minute is another drop of rain in the bucket and
28:58so if you say it's too difficult to do now you're saying I'm never going to do
29:05it procrastination is not I'll do it later procrastination is I'm going to
29:09fool myself that I'm going to do it later so that I never end up doing it at
29:13all and of course I've talked to a number of people who've missed that
29:16window in their late teens early 20s of getting to talk to girls and figuring
29:21this stuff out and making your mistakes and shooting your shot and getting shot
29:25down and getting up and realizing you can survive it I mean we're a robust
29:29species man we were down to 10,000 people in the last ice age as all of
29:33humanity like less than one quarter of Battlestar Galactica's roster right so
29:39we're a robust species we're a robust species go read up on Rasputin see what
29:49he survived and then say but I can't I can't take it if a woman says no to me
29:53yeah yeah yeah of course you can be so silly don't be so don't be so frail of
29:59course you can now the more you fear the less you'll try and the more fragile
30:04you'll feel whatever you feed gets stronger whatever you starve gets
30:07weaker and if you feed your cowardice and starve your courage you will end up
30:11more and more afraid and less and less able to be courageous the real drops of
30:16rain the fall in the rain barrel our decision to wait till later but later is
30:20never I want you understand this later is never so I had a business opportunity
30:25in my 20s was it a perfect business opportunity it was not I would not
30:29rather would have worked for a gaming company but the one that opened up was
30:32environmental management information systems environmentalism health and
30:38safety all of this kind of stuff was I interested in the topic not in
30:42particular was it by the ideal business opportunity for me it absolutely was not
30:46but I'd live for over a quarter century and this was the first real business
30:52opportunity that opened up for me did I grab it with both hands I absolutely did
30:56to make work 80 hours a week sometimes I absolutely did yes yes yes a thousand
31:01times yes so because later would have been never later would have been never
31:08oh no no I'm gonna wait well it's not quite perfect so I'm gonna wait until
31:12things are perfect well you wait and you wait and wait and then you're perfectly
31:16dead well she's not quite the perfect girl well she's not there she's okay
31:20wait for the perfect girl go on wait for the perfect girl and then when you
31:24meet the perfect girl and you're 30 and you have no experience talking to women
31:28you'll screw it up it's saying I'm gonna wait to practice the piano until I have
31:34a concert at Carnegie Hall and then the concert at Carnegie Hall oh we booked
31:39you in for Carnegie Hall next week and then oh my god I've got us and you're
31:42gonna screw it up I'm gonna wait till I'm gonna wait to practice my sport
31:46until I'm on the Olympic team that's never right understand that's just
31:51that's just never that's all it is and just be honest with yourself and say
31:55well if I don't talk to a girl this week I'm never talking to girls because
31:58that's what happens because as life moves onward people expect you to gain
32:03experience and if life moves onward as it inevitably does procrastination is
32:09the idea that you're going in a circle you're not going in a circle you're
32:12going in a straight line to the fucking grave that's all you're doing the
32:16conveyor belt is moving you along to the fucking grave you get a couple of
32:20decades as an adult you don't even know how many and then you get dumped
32:24unceremoniously into a six-foot hole they throw dirt on your face cover you
32:30up with earth and your food for worms that's it procrastination is the idea
32:35that you're going in circles you're not you're on a conveyor belt to death you're
32:39on a conveyor belt to the grave step by step bit by bit and people expect you to
32:43gather knowledge and experience and wisdom and courage on that conveyor
32:49belt of the days and if you don't people will look at you as a loser who has
32:54avoided life that is not attractive so if you meet the perfect girl and you
33:00have no experience talking to girls she will not view you as the perfect guy so
33:05every every week you don't talk to a girl I'm not saying you got to ask out
33:09every girl you meet but every week every day that you avoid talking to a
33:15woman and you surrender to the fear you just shorter breath and one day closer
33:21to death as the song goes go listen to dark side of the moon it's got great
33:25lessons on mortality and that's why those guys achieved stuff because they
33:29got it and we're gonna die so one way to overcome fear is to replace it with a
33:34bigger fear right I mean why did the soldiers go over the trench in World
33:40War one because they were going to get shot by their sergeants if they didn't
33:43their captains would shoot them so they replaced a fear going into the no man's
33:48land with a bigger fear which allowed people to quote overcome the fear so you
33:52say well I'm scared to talk to girls okay what's the bigger fear well every
33:57time you avoid talking to girls not talking to girls get stronger and
34:00talking to girls gets weaker and eventually it dies it dies eventually if
34:04you don't pursue an avenue they seal up right when you're young there's lots of
34:10paths you can take but they seal up and they seal over over time I mean when I
34:15was younger I suppose I could have pursued being a dancer right but that
34:19seals up over time when I was in my teens I got scouted by a modeling agency
34:26but I didn't pursue it I mean I went to a couple of meetings and all that but
34:30it just seemed like a weird world to me but now I'm not a model right I can't go
34:37be a model for the gap right now I can't I mean I could have chosen to become a
34:43doctor or a lawyer in my teens in my 20s but now in my mid to late 50s I suppose
34:50I could try but it would be kind of pointless if a woman chooses not to have
34:56children by the time she's in her 40s she can't have children see avenues seal
35:01up if you've ever been on a path like a path that you walk for a while and this
35:06happened over the course of the pandemic as a lot of trails were closed right so
35:10you go on a path and people stop using the path how long does it take for it to
35:14grow over I actually walked a path the other day I did a show on it I walked a
35:19path the other day that nobody had walked for a couple of years and it was
35:22almost completely grown over and it was almost impossible to distinguish it in
35:27another year it would be impossible to distinguish where the path had been so
35:31your choices wither and die your options wither and die and the path towards
35:38talking to women is sealing up it's getting a permanent hymen so to speak
35:45it's sealing up every day every day it seals up every day it gets thicker and
35:51harder every day more water pours into the rain barrel that you have to move to
35:57the point where it becomes immovable and then regret kicks in and you say damn it
36:01why did I wait until the rain barrel was too full to move when I could have moved
36:05it when it was a third full it would have been tough but I could have done it
36:08now I can't do it and that's it and then you die if you don't try all you do is
36:14fail until you die and then when you get older you realize that all of the things
36:20that kept you from what you most wanted to do were total bullshit this is the
36:25devil stripping you of your potential that's what regret is regret is I was
36:31frightened by fear itself I was frightened out of life not for anything
36:36objective but simply by fear itself all the losses of cowardice become apparent
36:44and all the reasons for cowardice fall away and all you're left with is endless
36:50regret until you die I hope this helps go talk to women go talk to men
36:56freedomain.com slash donate appreciate your time your care your thoughts and in
37:02particular your support lots of love my friends talk to you soon bye