Ало Ало 2 Епизод 1 (2001)
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TVTranscript
00:00Hello, hello.
00:22Welcome to my restaurant.
00:24I am anxious to tell you that life here is normalizing.
00:27The two British men who were hiding in here
00:30were taken away by the British Resistance
00:32and are being hidden in here by now.
00:35The painting, The Sinful Madonna,
00:37with the big bombs by Van Klomp,
00:39which I was hiding in my backpack,
00:41is now in possession of the Gestapo.
00:45I had been shot dead.
00:49And I am now posing as my twin brother.
00:53Of course, only my wife knows this,
00:55my servant, my father-in-law,
00:59the German commander and his assistant,
01:02his secretary and the people of the resistance.
01:05No one else.
01:06The beatings you hear are of my half-wit widow,
01:10who is in fact looking in the back room for the message
01:12with which I leave everything to her.
01:15I am not afraid. She can dance all day.
01:19The message is hidden behind the clock with the cuckoo
01:23and she is never going to find it.
01:26Good morning, Arnie.
01:27Good morning, Lieutenant.
01:29This is the man who shot me.
01:32He fends me off like a madman.
01:34Perhaps it's because of the bandage.
01:38Your cheeks are very fresh today,
01:42and your eyes are tight.
01:48They are not anymore.
01:50What a good idea.
01:57Open this door.
01:58Edith, open the door.
01:59I found it! I found it!
02:02Knock it off!
02:03I found the message of your late wife.
02:06There is no need to pester me about it.
02:08Give it to me, Edith.
02:10After all, I am the executor.
02:12It's not addressed to you.
02:14No, but you know, without a doubt,
02:16René would like the executor to be his brother.
02:19Without a doubt.
02:21Gather all of you to read the message of your dear late wife,
02:26who was shot by the Germans.
02:31We ordered it.
02:33You hear?
02:34He left everything to me.
02:38I, René Artois, mentally healthy...
02:42That's the first thing I'm going to argue about.
02:45I leave my entire property to your dear late wife,
02:50who took care of me and filled me with joy
02:54during the happy days of our marriage.
02:57I wrote that during the honeymoon.
03:00What a beautiful phrase.
03:03Look, there's something on the back.
03:06P.S. to Yvette.
03:09I cannot read it.
03:11It's in his hands.
03:14To Yvette, who had shared her space with me,
03:18I leave...
03:21I leave the mattress in the hall.
03:27That's not a mattress.
03:29It's a book.
03:32P.P.S. to Maria.
03:34I leave the little billiard table
03:37which gave us mutual pleasure.
03:41I never told you to play on it.
03:43René always made me close the door
03:45and put the table under the bed.
03:47Why did you want to be alone?
03:49Why are you asking me?
03:51I am dead, remember?
03:54Anyway, he has done the right thing.
03:57Everything of his is mine.
04:00Until my death.
04:03He was a good man.
04:05There was something soft and sensitive about him,
04:08and like you, he could be a little distanced.
04:12We are a conservative family.
04:14Please, drink to his memory.
04:17Don't pour so much.
04:19This is my best cognac.
04:21His best cognac is now my best cognac.
04:27To his memory.
04:29To René.
04:34It is over.
04:35It's done.
04:39What are you up to now?
04:41I am going to buy a new hat.
04:44Why do you need a new hat?
04:47You must remember, I am a rich widow.
04:50This evening, my mother will take me to the square.
04:54Some handsome man will see me with the new hat.
04:57Who is that?
04:59That is the rich widow of Artois, they say.
05:03Oh, yes.
05:06How young and handsome he looks.
05:09I will give him my blessing.
05:11He will say,
05:12and tomorrow he will be in front of my door
05:15with a beautiful bouquet of sweet-smelling roses.
05:20Provide the dog that leads him to find the house.
05:29Lieutenant Gruber.
05:31Colonel.
05:32Is the armored car yours?
05:34Yes, it is mine.
05:36Then please put it in the right place.
05:41The colonel parks it under the tree
05:43so that the seats don't get hot.
05:46My apologies, colonel.
05:50Hans.
05:52Why are you sitting?
05:54Because my legs are tired.
05:57Hans, I am a colonel, you are a captain.
06:00You do not sit in front of me.
06:03You do not have to stand in front of me.
06:07The colonel is always first.
06:10I am sorry, colonel.
06:12Well, then be careful.
06:14You are getting a little drunk.
06:16Now, gentlemen, what can I offer you to drink?
06:19The colonel will order.
06:25Two cognacs.
06:26Maria, two cognacs.
06:28On Captain Gehring's order.
06:31René, there are a few things we need to discuss with you.
06:35Maria, I am already at your disposal, colonel,
06:39but you better sign up, because Friday is a busy day.
06:43That is not what I wanted to talk about.
06:45Take it and sign it, because we will return to it.
06:49René, I am the commander of this city.
06:52I can no longer pretend to be blind to the English faces that you hide here.
06:58But, colonel, you are turning blind,
07:00because I have hidden you from the theft of Madonna with the big bombs in my cellar.
07:06Not anymore.
07:07That picture is now in the hands of the Gestapo.
07:12Together with the two frauds.
07:14I am no longer your duty, René.
07:17If I want to shoot you, I only need one word.
07:21Fire.
07:24Do not worry, colonel.
07:25The English are gone, colonel.
07:27Excellent.
07:28Now, if you tell me the names of the leaders of the resistance, I will protect you.
07:34Protect me? From whom?
07:37From yourself.
07:39But, colonel, I do not know their names.
07:41They are mostly girls.
07:43They wear slippers, short white socks and berets, like all French girls.
07:49And they only show up at night.
07:52Like all French girls.
07:55I wish I could fuck them.
07:57Me too.
08:01If you do not cooperate, René, we will shoot you.
08:05You would not do it.
08:06He will do it. He already did it.
08:09Colonel, I do not wish you to think badly of me,
08:12but I did take precautions,
08:16which tell how you helped the resistance to blow up the line and how you stole the picture.
08:24The letter is signed by the whole bunch,
08:26and if they arrest me, I will end up in the Gestapo's hair flick.
08:30Hair flick? You would not do it.
08:33He will do it.
08:36I think you are mad, colonel.
08:39René, you are smarter than I thought.
08:43Thank you, colonel.
08:45Now, if I may, I would like to make the night.
08:48You have no picture, I have no face, but I have the girls.
08:54Which brings us back to the starting point.
08:57Shall we say a nine of diamonds?
08:59Agreed.
09:00Wait a minute.
09:02With a whimsical face and a helmet.
09:07And a large plate of smoky spaghetti, plus one meter of rubber.
09:15Hans, just between us, what have you come up with?
09:20Well, I am trying to get a quick snack, while Maria is making my napoleons.
09:40You are late.
09:43Go into the inner room.
09:50Stop.
09:52Take out your handkerchief.
09:59Wipe your lips.
10:04Replace the handkerchief.
10:12Turn around.
10:15You may kiss me.
10:20Four out of ten.
10:23I knocked off four, because of the garlic.
10:26May I sit down?
10:28No, the maid stands.
10:31I have a problem.
10:33May I ask what problem?
10:35Yes.
10:39I have a problem.
10:41I have a problem.
10:43I have a problem.
10:45I have a problem.
10:47I have a problem.
10:51I have three wrong madonnas, six bombs.
10:57What is the problem?
10:59Only one is real.
11:01Only one bomb?
11:04Only one painting.
11:07The first one is a fake, ordered by me.
11:10The second one arrived at headquarters mysteriously.
11:13The third one is original.
11:15I hid them all in my Gestapo boots.
11:19But a peasant cleaned up the mess and messed it all up.
11:22Now I don't know which one is which.
11:25Why don't you call the fake?
11:27He will recognize the original.
11:30That is a very good idea.
11:33But unfortunately, he is not there.
11:35Where is he?
11:38He fell out of a Gestapo car,
11:40over a railway line,
11:42and was run over by an express train to Berlin.
11:46It was an accident.
11:49Yes, Herr Flick.
11:51I wanted to sell the original after the war,
11:53so that we are safe,
11:55after our wedding.
11:58Herr Flick, you should know
12:01that I have a friend in the army
12:04with whom I have a serious correspondence.
12:07Give me his name, rank and honor,
12:09and he will not be a problem.
12:13On the other hand, he does not have
12:15your powerful,
12:17commanding,
12:19dormant nature,
12:21which draws me to you
12:24like a bee to a honeycomb.
12:27I will put him in his place.
12:31You will find for me a man with the knowledge of
12:34who will decide beyond the lumped-out
12:37which is a real van Klomp.
12:39Yes, Herr Flick.
12:43Maria, you should not do this without me.
12:47You could fall.
12:49I already fell.
12:51René, we have to talk.
12:54I am listening, if you want to hear.
12:57They can see us.
12:59We must meet somewhere else.
13:01Let's meet in the closet,
13:03under the stairs.
13:05You are making a mess of my hair.
13:08Oh, René!
13:10All right, I agree.
13:12Ten minutes.
13:13Go now, your wife is coming.
13:20Well, what will you say?
13:29Why is your head dead, cuckoo?
13:36And why do you take more money?
13:38I have to buy refreshments for my mother and Monsieur Leclerc
13:41and maybe for the waiters.
13:43If you go on like this,
13:45you will be a poor widow.
13:47Madame, I have brought a table for your mother
13:50in front of the front door.
13:53Why are you dressed like a circus dog?
13:58I, Leclerc, will be Glashataya.
14:02This is going to be the best time in town.
14:04We are going to be the laughter of the whole town.
14:07Fanny, my love, are you ready?
14:11Come on.
14:12No one is going to help me.
14:22The teeth of my fox fell out.
14:27If you want to look good,
14:28serve your forehead.
14:33Fanny,
14:34how do you not care about the years?
14:38How can I not care about anything?
14:41Roger,
14:46I remember how handsome and elegant you were.
14:51Oh, yes, I remember.
14:55It's a pity that you are such a fool now.
14:59Yes, but I can still spin my baton.
15:05This is going to be a long pause.
15:12Mama,
15:14nothing about my new hat?
15:17It looks pretty dead, Cuckoo.
15:24Ready?
15:25Ready?
15:27Rich widow.
15:29Rich widow.
15:32Rich widow.
15:33Mr. Leclerc,
15:34I think you should be a little more delicate.
15:39Fair, rich, rich widow.
15:42Fair, rich, rich widow.
15:46Maria.
15:47René.
15:49Shut the door.
15:52René, my love.
15:55Ah, ah, ah.
15:59René,
16:00why are you so cold and inaccessible?
16:03I am impaled,
16:04the handle of my baton is stuck in my back.
16:10René.
16:11Oh, that is better.
16:15What?
16:17Now that you are no longer married to Edith,
16:20will you make your promise?
16:23Well, it is not very difficult.
16:28You promised to marry me.
16:30Oh, that promise.
16:32Well, it is a little bit difficult.
16:34I have all my money for my wife.
16:36I can give you all my money.
16:38Men pay for my services.
16:40Maria, you know I really hate people.
16:44No, Maria, you must wait a little bit longer.
16:49René,
16:50René,
16:51promise me that no one else will take my place.
16:54With such a small room, how can it be?
17:03Yvette,
17:04what are you doing?
17:05Someone has taken the book from under the sofa in the hall.
17:09What?
17:10Ah, Frank Harris.
17:12Yes, just about the right size.
17:15René,
17:17you are free now.
17:20When are we going to celebrate our anniversary?
17:23Dear, sweet Yvette, we don't have to hurry.
17:26I have to find a way to get my money back.
17:30You could poison your wife.
17:32With her cooking, she has immunity.
17:35No, we would have to find another way.
17:37In the meantime, we have to lie low.
17:39On the sofa?
17:41No, not as low as that.
17:43Oh, René,
17:45promise me that nothing will happen between us.
17:49I am doing what I can.
17:51Oh, René.
17:52Oh, Yvette.
17:54Can you feel my heart pounding?
18:00I can hear it.
18:03René,
18:09is the table clean?
18:10We are fit to manage the table.
18:15Something important just happened.
18:18How long have you been out there?
18:25The two thugs left me.
18:27Good.
18:28Now we can continue discussing the dinner menu, Yvette.
18:32They left because the Germans came looking for them.
18:35They are all fugitives now.
18:37Well, that is your problem, not mine.
18:39I don't want to see their stupid faces again.
18:42Hello.
18:43Hello.
18:45These are the faces.
18:47It can't be.
18:49Don't let them in.
18:51You speak to them, tell them to get out.
18:54Now, listen,
18:55René has offered you hospitality,
18:57but you are already misusing it.
18:59We can't always walk around like sisters.
19:02The Germans are constantly bothering us.
19:05Don't they notice your mustache?
19:07If you think that ours are big,
19:09you are wrong.
19:10We are not going back.
19:13We are not going back to Metoha.
19:15Fairfax turned on their crocodile
19:17and told us to lick the floor.
19:20Look.
19:23Why is he showing us his knees?
19:25He was licking in Metoha.
19:29No wonder they kicked them out.
19:31Tell them to get out.
19:33Look, René,
19:34you are responsible for the escape of the English fugitives.
19:38Your house is safe.
19:40Not for me.
19:41Let's get to the point.
19:43The point?
19:44Let's talk.
19:46Are you a collaborator or are you against it?
19:50Is that fair?
19:51I am desperate.
19:52I am ready to empty it.
19:56That would make me desperate.
19:58Eh?
20:00Look, I am on your side, Michelle.
20:02At the same time, I have my business.
20:05Now, I cannot go around being rude with the Germans.
20:08Not in front of their faces, anyway.
20:10I would put more salt in their soup,
20:13but we have to be reasonable.
20:20It's the colonel and the captain.
20:22The colonel is parking under the tree.
20:25I think they're coming.
20:27My God, he doesn't want to see you.
20:28Get them out of here.
20:29They can't come through here.
20:30There's an armed driver downstairs.
20:32Quick, through here.
20:34René, the colonel and the captain are coming.
20:38Well, keep them until I figure out
20:40what these two sisters are doing in my backyard.
20:43Please, have mercy.
20:44Mercy? With my reputation?
20:46Go, get them.
20:49Hello, colonel.
20:51Is there anything refreshing?
20:54Not too high.
20:56No, thank you, Maria.
20:58René and I have work in the backyard.
21:01No.
21:02Good.
21:03We wish to be private.
21:04We'll be waiting there until you find him.
21:06Oh, my God.
21:07Quickly.
21:08Put them down.
21:09Take me.
21:10Yvette, take me.
21:15Stand back.
21:18Wouldn't you rather wait in my place?
21:20Stand aside.
21:21Stand back.
21:36Am I interrupting something?
21:41René is making a commemoration of his late brother.
21:45But he's not dead.
21:47The church doesn't know that.
21:49He's making a commemoration in the cathedral.
21:51But this one is cheaper.
21:54His lips are whispering prayer.
21:56It is betraying.
21:58Why is that?
21:59Take off your hat.
22:02Who is Frank Harris?
22:05He was a prophet.
22:08Hans, give it to me.
22:19I didn't know they were playing jump rope in heaven.
22:23Amen.
22:24Amen.
22:25Is there something I can do for you, colonel?
22:28It is the secretary's order to take Lieutenant Gruber to the Gestapo.
22:33Does he know that?
22:35I don't think so, colonel.
22:37No.
22:38René has always been careful not to reveal anything to him.
22:43Would you excuse us, colonel?
22:45We're going into the finale.
22:49Hello.
22:56I think we should get going.
22:58My sisters are acting suspiciously.
23:02I'm sure we should get going.
23:09I have fulfilled your instructions, Herr Flick.
23:12I searched the archives and found that as a civilian,
23:15Lieutenant Gruber was an assistant in an art gallery in Cologne.
23:20Before or after he dressed mannequins?
23:25After.
23:26Let us hope he will help us.
23:28I will interrogate him.
23:33Bring him here.
23:46How, Hitler?
23:51Do you have any orders for the soldier?
23:54No.
23:56Go away!
24:03I must apologize for the way you were brought here.
24:08It's all right.
24:10Actually, it was a pleasure.
24:12The soldier who brought me here had broad shoulders.
24:19I have studied your past and interests.
24:23You have, so to speak, artistic tendencies.
24:28What are you saying?
24:30I'm going to test you.
24:32Test.
24:40What is your spontaneous reaction?
24:44Nothing to discuss.
24:47Try again.
24:51Are they on Helga?
24:53They are certainly not on Helga.
24:57Perhaps you would take a closer look.
25:00Do I have to?
25:02Maybe this will help you.
25:04I would have thought so.
25:06One is real, the other is not.
25:09Which is which?
25:14This is a wounded Van Klomp.
25:17How do you know?
25:19When he was talking, he was signing his paintings up there.
25:24Have you found anything?
25:26Yes. This is the original.
25:29Are you sure?
25:31This is the master's brush.
25:34When he came here, he always finished with a little circle and a dot.
25:42Excellent.
25:44Now you understand that this is important and you tell no one about it.
25:50You have my word, Herr Flick.
25:52It's not enough. Sit in that chair.
26:02What are you going to do?
26:06Gestapo knows how to make people shut up.
26:13Helga?
26:14He is ready.
26:32You know what to do.
26:35Yes, Herr Flick.
26:47Watch the birdie.
26:50Good. That's enough, Helga.
26:54That's enough, Helga!
26:58You know what will happen if I send this picture to your commander?
27:04I don't think he will ever talk to me again.
27:12Have the colonel and the captain left?
27:14Of course. An hour ago.
27:17Why didn't you tell me?
27:19I have hidden behind the curtains without breathing.
27:22Where are the birds?
27:24Don't worry. We hid them.
27:26Where did we hide them?
27:27We hid them in a secret place.
27:29Someone is coming.
27:30I will break the back door again.
27:36Go away. We are not allowed.
27:39I know. I am the owner.
27:45Get inside and stop making jokes.
27:49What a mess!
27:52My little, precious, beautiful Edith.
27:55I am so proud of her.
27:58They were flying around her like flies.
28:01I guess she was without a hat.
28:04Verzo, we have to open it.
28:06Yvette, Maria, take this stupid birdie up and put her in the bed.
28:10You, Leoclair, take off your hat, put on the cover and wash the glasses.
28:14I didn't know it was so late.
28:17What a day I had.
28:19So many compliments, so many hats.
28:22You probably fixed my hair.
28:25Look how many business cards they gave me.
28:29For restaurant services?
28:32From the hat store?
28:34From the hairdresser?
28:37Tonight I will sing like I have never sung before.
28:41What? Really?
28:43Monsieur Leoclair.
28:44Madame.
28:45Play a few chords to warm up.
28:47Edith, there's no time to warm up. We have customers.
28:50Good evening, gentlemen.
28:52Monsieur Leoclair, come to the major.
29:03That piano...
29:05It's gone.
29:07It was like that last week.
29:10René, the piano is broken.
29:13Fix it while I serve the customers.
29:16These are the mice. They're saving themselves from your songs.
29:20Sometimes they get stuck.
29:27Hello.
29:32Colonel.
29:34Captain.
29:36How nice that you come just in time.
29:39Edith, give Colonel a coin.
29:42I didn't warm up.
29:44There is no time for that, Edith.
29:46Very well. I'll start right away with the song.
29:49No, Edith, you don't have to sing.
29:51But René, we have new customers.
29:54Do you have anything special, gentlemen?
29:56Sing us Lili Marlene.
29:59Monsieur Leoclair?
30:01No.
30:02Lili Marlene.
30:06Lili Marlene.
30:08Understood.
30:10One, two, three, four.
30:20Cheeseburg.
30:22Cheeseburg tender.
30:25If you would be, you'd always be my Lili Marlene.