My Fiancée Knew I Was Trans Before I Did | LOVE DON’T JUDGE
KIAN and Passion have been together for just under 8 years, they met through family when Kian was presenting as a stud lesbian and the couple are now engaged. Kian says he had always struggled to come to terms with his identity and that Passion knew he was trans before he did. Passion had picked up on the fact that Kian hated any mention of being a woman and wanted to hear that he was handsome rather than pretty. In 2021 Passion asked Kian outright if he was trans and Kian did eventually admit it, he came out the next day on TikTok and says he has never been happier. Kian started taking hormones to aid his transition but, due to health problems, he can't have surgery yet as he has bowel endometriosis, he has been under specialist care and needs to have surgery before he can have any transition surgery. Kian explains his health has been subject to judgement online; people say that by taking transitioning hormones, his health has been made worse because he has “disobeyed” nature. However Kian explains that he had endometriosis before transitioning. Kian receives a lot of judgement online but has learnt self love and doesn’t let it bother him: “When I see people call me she and say I’m always going to be a woman, it doesn’t bother me because I know I’m not." Passion admits they get a lot of stares when they're out but no-one says anything to their face. In the episode, they speak to Passion's Grandma who knew Kian before he transitioned. She says: “I don’t understand why a woman would want to change their body, I felt like she needed to think about it a little longer."
Transcript
00:00This is Kian. He fell in love with passion.
00:06My fiance knew that I was transgender before I knew.
00:09I get a lot of backlash online.
00:11I get a lot of hate comments.
00:12There's one that's like, laugh my a** off. What are you?
00:15I'm gonna be calling my grandma today.
00:17She's a lesbian and overall supportive, but she thinks that God makes no mistakes,
00:23so you're supposed to be the gender you're born with.
00:26I was worried that though she's gonna be Dr. Frankenstein or still a kid,
00:31I don't understand why a woman would want to change their body.
00:39My name's Passion.
00:41My name's Kian.
00:42Back in preschool, basically, I felt like I was a boy,
00:46and they kind of bursted my bubble by telling me I needed a Peter to do that,
00:50and it made me extremely depressed, and my fiance knew I was a trans man before I was.
00:55We were sitting in the house, and she had made a joke like a girl bi or something like that,
01:02and it triggered my body.
01:05She just straight-a**ed me.
01:06I was like, did that make you uncomfortable?
01:07And I was just like, actually, yeah, it did.
01:09And then after that, we kind of just sat and had a talk.
01:12This is our first house, first-time homebuyers together.
01:16This is gonna be the house that we raise our children in.
01:20While I'm working on houses and people find out that I'm trans,
01:23I get a whole lot of confusion and hesitance.
01:27I'd say that prior to him transitioning, finding him projects and stuff was a little bit easier and more safe,
01:34but now it's like, you know, I use the proper pronouns.
01:37I always have to disclose prior to him going to a project that he is a trans man
01:42because people are so, like, against it sometimes or judgmental and stuff.
01:48Our relationship began at both of our family members' house, Cook Out,
01:52where she cussed me out, and I fell in love.
01:59I think we balance each other well.
02:01I'm more introverted.
02:03He can be introverted, but he's more like an extrovert and introverted,
02:06so he's kind of like a social butterfly when in certain settings, and I'm more like quiet.
02:11Once you transition, it is very hard to find that love because of the way society is.
02:16A lot of people don't want to admit when they like a transitioned person.
02:20If I'm being truthful, I believe it's because she's pansexual.
02:23I do think it's because I'm pans.
02:25It's not really a big, like, change for me or I have to, like, self-search if I want to be identified as this.
02:32So it was just like, whatever.
02:34About our second month into dating, I figured kids was trans.
02:39I learned at a young age what self-love meant.
02:43When I see the judgment online and they're calling me she,
02:47you're always going to be a woman.
02:49It doesn't bother me because I know I'm not.
02:51Honestly, in public, we get a lot of stares, but we don't really get, like, verbal judgment.
02:58I'd say it's all mainly funny.
03:01Like, if we're out at a restaurant, this one time our waiter was just like,
03:06yeah, ma'am, I mean, sir, I mean, I really don't know.
03:09It was, like, genuine, and it was just so funny.
03:12Most of my judgment definitely comes from social media, I would have to say.
03:16A whole lot of religion.
03:18I should have stayed the way I was born because God does not make mistakes.
03:22A lot of people asking me if I'm confused, telling me I'm delusional.
03:26On social media, I'm always hearing how I wouldn't be going through endometriosis.
03:30I wouldn't be suffering if I wasn't transitioning into a man.
03:34I have bowel endometriosis, which is endometriosis on the bowel and the rectum.
03:40So anytime I'm trying to go to the bathroom and I'm having a flare-up, this is usually where I'll end up.
03:46Before my transition started, I would be in the emergency room about two to three times a week.
03:52After about, I would say, three months of my testosterone, I wasn't having any symptoms.
03:59I wasn't in the hospital for, like, a year straight.
04:01Right now, I'm more so focused on the endometriosis surgery.
04:05I'm trying my best to not go and have my gender-affirming surgeries until I at least have more of the endometriosis taken care of.
04:13But I do want top surgery. I don't want the chest.
04:16And I want bottom surgery sometime in the future, but it's no rush.
04:20My wife's pansexual. Love life is great.
04:23Right now, I'm going through my TikTok and looking through the comments.
04:28There's one that's, like, laughing my ass off. What are you?
04:32I have a comment here that just says, you are a woman.
04:37And another one that says, you can't cheat nature, except who you are and how you were made.
04:41One here says, that's what it means to disobey nature. Every action owns its consequences and repercussions otherwise.
04:49It makes me feel saddened for how ignorant the world actually is.
04:55People don't seem to know a lot, and instead of doing research and trying to understand, they'd rather attack.
05:01I do believe that experiencing the hateful comments and all the judgment has created a stronger bond between us as a couple and just individually as well.
05:13We're about to call my grandma and ask her pretty much what she felt when kids first came out as trans.
05:20My grandmother knew kids prior to him transitioning. We've been together for seven years.
05:26Gonna need a drink for this convo.
05:29Hey.
05:31Hello people, how are you?
05:33I'm good, how are you?
05:36I'm good, always good.
05:38So what were your first thoughts when you first found out Kits was trans?
05:43I really didn't understand the choice, and that's only because of my faith.
05:48I don't understand why a woman would want to change their body, or either a man either.
05:55It felt like she needed to think about it a little longer, but I was worried because in my generation, it didn't happen.
06:06So I didn't know if she was going to be Dr. Frankenstein or still a kid.
06:11It's just that I knew Kits before he transitioned.
06:15So it's like, okay, why don't you just put that little boy back?
06:19Because other than that, there is no issue.
06:23Do you want to explain to Kits your worry about the process that we have to take to have a baby?
06:30I know what a baby means to you guys personally.
06:34And my concern is failure, it not working, not taking any emotional rollercoaster you're going to have to go through.
06:44So what are your personal feelings on Kits as a person and as my fiance?
06:50I knew Kits before he transitioned.
06:53So he hasn't changed. He's still Kits.
06:57Have you noticed any changes with me since dating Kits?
07:00I love the fact that you guys are growing together.
07:03That's a change I've noticed in you.
07:05The fact that you're even open to letting someone in to grow with you, that's amazing to me.
07:13Love you girls.
07:15Love you.
07:17Sorry, didn't mean love you girls.
07:19Love you girl and love you trans man.
07:23Have a good day.
07:25Bye grandma.
07:26Bye.
07:27No matter if I hear she or he with her, it's never malicious, you know.
07:30It's more like her age and just free talking.
07:32You're trying your best.
07:33Always makes me feel welcome. Always keeps us laughing.
07:36Yeah.
07:38Passion gives me confidence.
07:40She brought that hope into me and that self love, the confidence to be who I know I've always been able to be.
07:46And just be a stronger person overall.
07:49What I love most about Kits is he's just naturally nurturing.
07:53A lot of men or even trans men, they're not able to be open with how affectionate and nurturing they are,
08:00but Kits owns it and I really love it. I'm not used to that, so I love it.
08:04I believe our relationship works because we do everything that we can to truly understand each other,
08:11inside and out, good and bad.
08:13Like we just love each other, no matter what.