KAI and Rob have been together for 5 years. When they met, Kai identified as a male, then two years into their relationship Kai came out as transgender and now identifies as a trans woman. Prior to their relationship Rob identified as a straight man and has three children from previous relationships. He was in a 16-year relationship with the mother of two of his children. Prior to Kai he only had one short term gay relationship. "We get judged because my BF became my GF," Rob said.The couple receive a lot of criticism and transphobic comments online, such as, 'So if he's a man, would that make this a gay couple?' and 'Society is doomed'. Kai also gets stared at in public, causing people to even walk into lamp posts as they turn their heads. She has now been on hormones for three years and has had facial feminisation treatments including fillers and lifts. In this episode of Love Don't Judge, Kai takes the next step in her journey, going for a consultation for an injectable b*** job.
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00:00I'm Rob, and this is my part for Kai.
00:02We get judged because my BF became my GF.
00:06I'm going to get a consultation about an injectable boob job.
00:11I think you need to go bigger, to be honest.
00:13I was in a 16-year relationship with two of my children's mum.
00:17So if he's a man, would that make this a gay couple?
00:20Society is doomed.
00:22Kai doesn't really get affected by judgement.
00:25People look in, people comment in.
00:27Get out of my way.
00:29The woman that's walked into the lamppost, it's my fault.
00:32It's not my fault because you were staring.
00:34How old were you there?
00:35I don't even know.
00:36He was so old.
00:37How about here?
00:38Look at the hair.
00:39Wow.
00:40Literally remember you looking like that.
00:42Uh-huh.
00:43So we met five years ago because Rob sent me a message on Facebook.
00:48And I aired him for a week.
00:49And then he was on My People You May Know.
00:51So then I actually finally messaged him back.
00:53When we met, we just got on pretty much straight away.
00:55Wow.
00:56That's a whole beard.
00:57That's crazy.
00:59I actually looked at Kai and thought, damn, he's a b******t.
01:02I'm going to have some fun here.
01:03I'm not going to lie.
01:04I liked his aesthetic, and I say his because obviously we're talking past tense.
01:09What's that age behind there?
01:11This one?
01:12Yeah.
01:13That's...
01:1425?
01:1525.
01:16Oh, so that was when we first got together, wasn't it?
01:17Mm-hmm.
01:18And then that's me now.
01:19Beautiful.
01:20It's nice to look back on the memories and see how far I've come.
01:24You're not the kind of person to disregard that, are you?
01:27You'll still embrace the history and the past rather than wanting it to be gone.
01:33Within two months of us being together, I proposed to Kai on a beach in Gran Canaria.
01:37And you kind of didn't directly say yeah, but you didn't say no.
01:41The rest is...
01:42It's history.
01:43It's been a roller coaster.
01:44I was in a relationship prior to Kai with a man.
01:48And previous to that, I was in a 16-year relationship with two of my children's mum.
01:53When I initially kind of came out, so to speak, I never really looked at or found anything
01:59about trans women interesting.
02:01Kai kind of opened my mind up to that.
02:03At the start of our relationship, we didn't get any judgement because it was just obviously
02:07two men in love.
02:09So there wasn't any negativity online, there wasn't any trolling on social media.
02:14It wasn't until I came out.
02:16So if he's a man, would that make this a gay couple?
02:19I knew it was a man by looking at him.
02:22Gross.
02:23Sicky faces.
02:24We love the sicky face.
02:25Mental health is getting out of control.
02:27Society is doomed.
02:29You're going to hell, all pretty.
02:31Ha ha ha.
02:32This man thinks he is a woman.
02:33Looks like a freak.
02:34Halloween is only on the 31st, not all year.
02:37Have you noticed that they're all blank profiles and people with no pictures most of the time?
02:42Since dating Kai, I've learned a lot about myself in regards to kind of how fluid sexuality
02:48can be.
02:49People ask me what I identify as and literally I just identify as Rob and me.
02:54Because for me, my sexuality doesn't define me.
02:58Technically speaking, it would be looked at as pansexual.
03:02You don't care about the gender, you don't care how the person presents, your interest
03:05is in that person, like into the soul and the energy of that person as opposed to what
03:10they've got in the knickers.
03:11A few people have actually said to me, because they didn't understand how my sexuality worked
03:17for me, they'd be like, well, are you still going to be attracted to Kai when he becomes
03:22a she?
03:23And to be honest with you, I was like, I genuinely don't know.
03:25I love Kai for who Kai is.
03:27So for me, in my mind, it was like, it's not even an issue, but you don't know until you
03:32play it out.
03:33It's not really changed a lot for me, to be fair, from an attraction perspective.
03:36So the comments we get online about our relationship would be that Rob's a gay man, just because
03:42that's just something that comes with being with a trans girl.
03:45They just automatically think about what you've got downstairs.
03:48People that are gay would generally say, well, why don't you just go with a man?
03:53And people that are straight will say, well, why don't you just go with a woman?
03:56But because of my standpoint on it and how my mind works, it's irrelevant to a man.
04:01If I get trolled or hateful comments towards myself, it doesn't affect me.
04:05But when I see the comments towards Kai, it makes me really angry and I struggle to control
04:09it.
04:10I think it comes directly from gay men, and LGBT is all about understanding and acceptance.
04:15I don't agree with some of the behaviour from the masses of that community, and I just keep
04:21away from it, to be fair.
04:22So the comments online, we never doubt the relationship.
04:25We just kind of take it with a pinch of salt, laugh it off.
04:28My friends and family reacted positively to the relationship, as long as I'm happy.
04:34A couple of my friends were worried that he could have been a chaser.
04:37The person that kind of struggled to come to terms with it the most was my dad.
04:42The whole thing with regards to my sexuality, I was in a relationship for 16 years with
04:46a woman.
04:47My dad was like, well, hold on a minute, what's happened?
04:49And I can remember I took Kai to meet my dad, and they got on really well.
04:53It was Father's Day.
04:54Father's Day, and my dad turned around and he says, son, when you get married, can I
04:57be your best man?
04:58And I had tears in my eyes, you know, like, that's my dad, who still doesn't understand
05:02it, but you know what?
05:03He rolls with it.
05:04Four years ago, I started medically transitioning, and then about a year, I started to present
05:10more female on a daily basis, out and about in public.
05:14I wasn't nervous to tell Rob that I was wanting to transition.
05:18I wasn't nervous to tell anybody, really, because everyone I've been so lucky is just
05:22so open-minded when I come into their lives.
05:26The procedures I've had done so far are facial feminizing, treatments with fillers and Botox.
05:34Rob supported me through my transition with learning, being understanding.
05:40When it comes to surgeries, he's really supportive with reminding me, like, if you're taking
05:45your hormones, don't forget.
05:46So we've both kind of learned it together.
05:49So we're going to go to Racer Beauties today, and I'm going to get a consultation about
05:54a injectable boob job.
05:57So when we're walking through the streets in public, Kai doesn't really get affected
06:01by judgment.
06:02People look in, people comment in.
06:03You can have a look at someone, but they'll look, and they'll stare, and they'll walk
06:07into things.
06:08I've had people walk into cars, lampposts, bins.
06:10We've been pushing the pushchairs into lampposts and all sorts.
06:13He still observes it, whereas I'm going to get my chicken baked, get out of my way.
06:18The woman that's walked into the lamppost, it's my fault.
06:21It's not my fault because you were staring, just go about your business and let me get
06:24my chicken baked.
06:25Like, I'm good.
06:26We're good.
06:27I feel slightly more overprotective now she's transitioned into a female, whereas before
06:31when she was a boy, I didn't feel that way.
06:33Kai thinks she's indestructible, and I know that there are nasty people out there that
06:38can act in a certain way.
06:40I'm excited for the consultation.
06:41I'm looking forward to learning a little bit more about it.
06:45It's going to be such a life-changing thing for Kai.
06:47It's such an important part of the transition.
06:49So from that perspective, I'm really excited for her.
06:51Hey.
06:52Hi, babe.
06:53How are you?
06:54I'm good.
06:55How are you?
06:56I'm good, thank you.
06:57Good.
06:58You all right, bro?
06:59How are you doing?
07:00I'm fine, thank you.
07:01Looking at getting the breast filler treatment done.
07:04Okay, so what sort of size was you looking to go?
07:07I don't know.
07:08I haven't got a clue.
07:09I don't know.
07:10You know I want them big.
07:11Okay.
07:12Yeah, of course.
07:13So we could put the maximum of 40 mils in at a time.
07:16However, six weeks later, you can add to that once the filler has settled.
07:20Perfect.
07:21It swells, so it attracts the water.
07:23So you would have an extra 50% over the period of six weeks after the treatment.
07:28Yeah, yeah, yeah.
07:29So they'll double?
07:30They'll double, yeah.
07:31Amazing.
07:32Yeah, and that would be your final results.
07:33I feel better.
07:34I was stressed this morning.
07:35Good, good.
07:36But I feel a lot better.
07:37That's good.
07:38With all the questions.
07:39So what I'll probably do is drop you a text or give you a ring, and we'll just get booked
07:42in as soon as possible.
07:43Okay, yeah.
07:44Well, I look forward to hearing you on, doing the procedure.
07:45Excited.
07:46I can't wait.
07:47How comfortable do you feel with the potential size that you're going to achieve?
07:48I think you need to go bigger, to be honest.
07:49They're going to be bigger than my ego.
07:50They're going to be this big.
07:51We're going to have to see.
07:52We're going to have to see.
07:53We've spoken about and considered maybe getting married and all of that stuff, but as it stands
08:07at the minute, what we're trying to do is build a bit of strength, a bit of structure.
08:10The biggest thing is seeing where this transition goes and that journey, and we'll just kind
08:17of roll with it, and what happens will happen.
08:18A little message for those judges?
08:19Keep doing it.
08:20message for those judges. Keep doing it because we keep proving you wrong.