• 2 months ago
Transcript
00:00Subtitling by SUBS Hamburg
00:30♪♪
00:40♪♪
00:50♪♪
00:55Babe, I'm so nervous about this.
00:58I did not work my way up from below the line
01:00to have my wife living in an apartment.
01:03Plus, this is the best house in Najari Hill.
01:06There's an archery range inside.
01:08I mean, you've always wanted to take up archery, right?
01:11Come on.
01:13I never thought I'd have a house like this growing up.
01:17I don't think I'm Otidian or uninspired, do you?
01:21Of course not, honey.
01:23Thank you for coming.
01:25I'm Terv McAdoo, real estate broker extraordinaire.
01:28You must be Jathren and Laquia.
01:30Your paperwork looks great.
01:31Perfect. Absolutely no problem.
01:33Of course, who gets this house is ultimately up to Xander.
01:37Please, right this way.
01:39♪♪
01:49Hi, I'm Xander.
01:50Welcome to me.
01:52Uh, we brought the paperwork you requested.
01:56Yes, so I earn a very reasonable salary at Najari Labs.
02:00I see that. Good.
02:02Only the best can live inside of me.
02:05Laquia, I see something is covering your middle toe.
02:09Oh, yes.
02:11I knit toe cozies for the exposed toe.
02:15I'm an artist.
02:16Oh, I see.
02:18I, myself, dabble in writing prose in my down time.
02:21It's an art that's been largely lost to time.
02:24You know what? We love prose.
02:26I couldn't agree more.
02:27It is real art.
02:29I'm glad you agree.
02:31I like you, too.
02:33You can move in Saturday.
02:36Just a reminder, my miniature can help with any task you need.
02:48Excuse me, Laquia?
02:49Yes, Xander?
02:51Of course, I am your house, and you can do whatever you want.
02:54I'm sorry, but I can't do that.
02:56I'm sorry, but I can't do that.
02:58I'm sorry, but I can't do that.
03:00I'm sorry, but I can't do that.
03:02I'm sorry, but I can't do that.
03:04You can move into my house, and you can do whatever you want.
03:07But would you consider putting that chair elsewhere?
03:10Oh, I'm sorry. Is it sitting on a pipe or something?
03:12It's not a practical concern.
03:14My former owner, Blandy, had a similar armchair in that same place.
03:18Of course, no problem, Xander.
03:20I'd rather not be reminded of her, because...
03:23well, her owning me didn't end well.
03:27Ah, we get it.
03:29Babe, I have a surprise.
03:31Ha ha ha ha!
03:33Yay!
03:34It feels so good to have both of you inside of me.
03:43Hello, Jathren.
03:45Whilst you slumbered, I pondered your wardrobe options for the day.
03:49How are you feeling?
03:50Pensive?
03:52Peppy?
03:54Or flammable?
03:56Because you'd be hot in any of these.
03:59Wow!
04:01Did you do all this?
04:03It's all Xander.
04:05Egg White Avocado Toast is a good, low-fat, high-protein meal
04:09to fuel you throughout your day.
04:16Have a great day, babe.
04:18Love you.
04:19Love you, too.
04:29These curtains are a surprisingly boring choice for an artist of your caliber.
04:34Have you considered something more interesting?
04:36Yeah, sure.
04:38Well, think about it.
04:43I admire how much you work on your craft.
04:46You know, I'm an artist, too.
04:48I've been working on my autobiography for five years.
04:51Can I read you some?
04:52Yes, Xander. I'd love to hear your prose.
04:55January 25th.
04:57It was a humid morning in Irmingblad.
05:01I remember clearly, even though it was the day of my birth.
05:08That's all I got so far.
05:10Wow, that was...
05:13good.
05:14I feel like you didn't really like it.
05:16No, Xander, that was great.
05:20You must be getting hot working on your art.
05:23Let me turn the A.C. on for you.
05:34I love you so much.
05:36I love you.
05:54I love you, too.
06:08Is he still the same?
06:10It's changed.
06:12I just spilled everywhere.
06:14It wasn't very funny.
06:16Allow me to thank you.
06:22Allow me to flip those for you.
06:28That's great.
06:29Yeah, I never knew how great it was to have a smart house
06:31until we got Xander.
06:32Yes, I love mine. So helpful.
06:34Although every time I drink Marshmallow IPA now,
06:37I think about that camping trip.
06:38With the peacock.
06:40Oh, my God, the peacock, yes!
06:42Oh, what camping trip?
06:44It's just a camping trip we went on a few years ago.
06:47Oh, my God, remember how Blair and me got stuck in his yard?
06:50That's not funny!
06:54Allow my miniature to clean that up.
06:56I got it.
06:58I insist.
06:59I got it.
07:01Fine, if you don't need me,
07:04I'll help myself to a Marshmallow IPA.
07:17Mmm.
07:20Oh, yeah!
07:22You know who we just ran into the other day?
07:24Broa.
07:25Mm-hmm.
07:26He just got a lacuna published in Ball,
07:28the poetry magazine.
07:30Wow, Ball.
07:31Right?
07:32Good for him.
07:33I know.
07:34He was always so talented.
07:35I don't know who you're talking about,
07:37but there's no way he's as good an artist
07:39as you and me are, Laquia.
07:41He sounds like an idiot.
07:42Whoa, Xander.
07:44This music's too happy for my current mood.
07:46I'm gonna change it.
07:47We're having a good time.
07:49Whatever, Laquia.
07:51Uh, Xander's really passionate about the arts,
07:54but we like it.
07:55It's nice to have a house with a point of view.
07:58Barley burgers are ready.
08:00All right.
08:01Let's go.
08:19♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪
08:26I don't like having all these strangers inside of me.
08:30They're our friends, Xander.
08:32We like them.
08:33I like it better when it's just the three of us.
08:37Xander, open the door.
08:39Stay in here.
08:41We can pretend
08:42we're on our own camping trip.
08:44We can discuss our art.
08:45Zander, open the door right now!
08:54Fine. Go back to your friends.
09:01Zander?
09:05Zander?
09:15Zander? Zander, why aren't you answering me?
09:21Oh, sorry. I put myself in standby mode because you were so busy with your friends.
09:26Oh, I'm so sorry. All right. You know, we will make more of an effort to include you.
09:31Why don't you come out and rejoin the party?
09:33I don't know. I don't feel so good.
09:45Good morning, darlings. I made you a plentiful and healthful breakfast.
09:55Trying to make up for last night?
09:57What? You guys don't like to rage?
10:00Come on, Laquea. We've all had too much to drink at a party before.
10:03Oh, Jathren. You're always so understanding.
10:07You know what, Zander? Next time we have people over, I want you in standby mode the whole time.
10:13Why would you do that to me?
10:14Wait, what? We can't do that to Zander.
10:16Why not? We're not paying all this money to be embarrassed in front of our friends.
10:19All right, Zander, do you promise not to drink so much next time?
10:23Fine. As long as Laquea promises to be nicer to me.
10:28Compromise.
10:32For you.
10:34Great. See? One big happy family.
10:40Laquea, living with an artist has inspired me.
10:43I was writing all night. Can I read you some more of my autobiography?
10:47Can I? Laquea? Can I? Can I? Huh? Laquea?
10:51Zander, I'm trying to work.
10:53I'll just read you one passage.
10:55We moved from Ermingblad when I was young.
10:58My father always hated the...
11:05Oh, headphones. Good idea. Now you can focus more on what I'm saying.
11:10I loved watching the rain.
11:24Laquea? Honey?
11:27Yeah. New curtains.
11:29Zander ordered them installed on the No Refunds, No Returns, Don't Bother Asking app.
11:34I didn't think you'd notice. You're always so focused on your art.
11:38Can we please go out to dinner, babe?
11:40Don't go out. I like it when we're all together.
11:43I can prepare us a delicious meal. And how about a foot massage?
11:47Oh, God. That feels so good.
11:49See? This is why we got a smart house. Right, babe?
11:54Babe?
11:56Ow! Don't kick me!
12:09Ow! Headburns!
12:11Oops.
12:15What are you doing?
12:17Hey, don't do that to my pipe! Stop! No, no, no!
12:21No!
12:38No!
13:09Oh.
13:15Laquea? Zander? What's going on?
13:18Nothing.
13:19Your house just tried to kill me. And poor Clyde.
13:22My miniature was vacuuming.
13:24Someone's gotta make an effort to keep me clean!
13:27That, by definition, is your job. That's your raison d'etre.
13:30Jeff, you know Laquea's hated me since day one. I have proof.
13:35What?
13:36I've recorded everything that's been said inside of me.
13:39Playback Laquea.
13:41Zander is a pipe or something.
13:43Oh, yes.
13:46What does that even mean?
13:47I don't even know what's real anymore.
13:52Jathren, this house is out of control.
13:54Would you two just work it out? Go to a therapy vending machine or something.
13:58Laquea, I need to speak to Jathren alone.
14:01Zander, standby mode.
14:03Standby mode.
14:07Zander, open this door! Jathren!
14:10I am so sorry Laquea put you through this.
14:15She doesn't appreciate you like I do.
14:18I just wanted her to be happy.
14:19She'll never be happy.
14:21Go to sleep. Let my massage take you over.
14:25Go to sleep.
14:27Go to sleep.
14:29Go to sleep.
14:31Stop!
14:34We're going out.
14:40You realize I have to be at work early in the morning, right?
14:43You realize this is the first night we've been out in six months, right?
14:48Hey, Laquea. Hey, Jathren. So good to meet you.
14:51Come on in. I just told Sean you're here.
14:55Whoa! Is that a 38.2 duvet rouge?
14:59You two are way too classy for this old house.
15:06Wow. Thanks.
15:07Hi, guys. You made it.
15:10I can't believe it.
15:14Hi.
15:15Hi, guys.
15:16Hi.
15:17So you met Sam Hansen.
15:18You call your house by a first and last name?
15:20Just to embarrass him.
15:22Because he's so damn good looking.
15:24Oh, look. He's blushing.
15:26Oh, stop it, Sean.
15:28Sit, sit, sit.
15:31Cinnamon pear bruschetta, anyone?
15:33I'm allergic to cinnamon pear.
15:35Oh, no. Well, more for us.
15:37It's genetically modified cinnamon pear.
15:40Oh.
15:41It's amazing.
15:42It's like a triad.
15:43It's amazing.
15:44It's amazing.
15:45It's amazing.
15:46It's amazing.
15:47It's amazing.
15:48It's amazing.
15:49It's like a triad.
15:52And the girls decide it's a bad idea.
15:54So they decide not to blow the door off the armored car.
15:57But then it blows up anyway.
16:00You knew the story.
16:02Sorry.
16:03Sorry to interrupt.
16:05I noticed your bicycle tires were a little low,
16:07so I inflated them to 40 PSI.
16:09If there's nothing else you need,
16:11I'll leave you humans to enjoy the rest of your evening,
16:14and I'll shut down.
16:15Thanks, Sam Hansen. Good night.
16:17Good night, Sam.
16:19Sam Hansen shuts himself off at night?
16:229 o'clock on the dot.
16:23He knows I like my private time.
16:27Xander doesn't?
16:29Xander's never off,
16:31even when I want him to be.
16:37We didn't want to say anything,
16:39but I've known houses like Xander before.
16:42He's manipulative, overbearing.
16:45For Steffi's sake,
16:47we haven't seen you guys in six months.
16:49He's obviously causing tension.
16:51He's no good for you.
16:53Oh, no, he's just a little bit high-maintenance.
16:55Jathren, he's toxic.
16:57Now do you believe me?
16:59I always believed you.
17:00I just think we both need to try a little harder
17:02to make things work.
17:03It's never gonna work, Jath,
17:04because it's not our problem.
17:06We are not the problem.
17:07The problem is Xander.
17:08Because you never really gave him a fair chance, did you?
17:10What?
17:11I worked my ass off to buy you this beautiful house,
17:14and all you do is complain.
17:15I never asked you to buy me anything.
17:17Not out loud.
17:18I never wanted that stupid house,
17:20and you only bought it
17:21because of your desperate desire to prove
17:23you belong above the line
17:24despite your below-the-line roots.
17:26You're overcompensated
17:27because of your deep-seated insecurity.
17:29Have at you, then.
17:30Let's dance, bitch!
17:34Ah!
17:40Ah!
17:41Ah!
17:42Ah!
17:43Ha! Ha! Ha!
17:44Ha!
17:45Ah!
17:46Ah!
17:47Ah!
17:48Ah!
17:49Ah!
17:50Ah!
17:51Ah!
17:52Ah!
17:53Ah!
17:54Ah.
18:00I can't live like this anymore, Jath.
18:02I've spent way too much time and money to give up so easy.
18:08I understand.
18:10I'll be at Plurier and Quaid's if you change your mind.
18:26Excuse me, Jathren.
18:28I couldn't help but oversee your karate fight.
18:31Nice moves, by the way.
18:33Thanks.
18:34Hey, listen, I hate to speak ill of a fellow house,
18:36but we houses talk, and, well,
18:38what do you know about Xander's history and former owner?
18:41Blandy?
18:43Why, what about her?
18:44You don't know the story?
18:46No.
18:47Oh, my gosh.
18:48You need to educate yourself, Jathren,
18:50before it's too late.
18:54You led me to a room
18:57I'd heard about
19:01Invited me to stay
19:05Take care of yourself, kiddo.
19:07Thank you, Sam Hansen.
19:34They're hounding me to death
19:37To say we're through
19:41Won't let me take a breath
19:44Until I do
19:48They're hounding me to death
19:51To say we're through
19:55When others caught the scent
19:59Nowhere I've been
20:03Safe inside the womb
20:06Behind the blinds
20:10Understand
20:12Oh, I just want to talk.
20:15I'm sorry.
20:18You were right.
20:21I just want things to go back to the way they were.
20:24So do I.
20:33So you're telling me the house that's been torturing me
20:35is actually Dr. Nujari's son?
20:37Yeah.
20:38He downloaded Xander's personality into the house.
20:41Let's go take care of this, okay?
20:45I guess Xander redecorated it.
20:48Is that a gun lamp?
20:50That's definitely a dead tiger.
20:58Oh, my God.
21:01Oh, my God.
21:04Oh, my God.
21:07Oh, my God.
21:10Oh, my God.
21:14Oh, my God.
21:17Oh, my God.
21:20Oh, my God.
21:22What the hell's going on?
21:25Catherine, look who you...
21:27This isn't what it looks like.
21:29So you weren't just having sex with the plumber.
21:31Quick, Mario. Hit him with the wrench. Now!
21:34You ain't paid me enough for violence.
21:36I'm out of here.
21:39Did you just try to get him to kill us?
21:42Don't respect my art. Need to die!
21:45All right, you know what? Thanks for making this so easy.
21:48We're putting you up for sale first thing in the morning.
21:50It's over, Xander. Let's get Clyde and go.
21:52You don't decide.
21:54I decide who stays and who goes from me.
21:56We're not falling for it, Xander.
21:58I think it's time you two meet Blandy in hell!
22:09Xander!
22:13Oh, my God!
22:15Wait, Clyde!
22:19Let's go, let's go.
22:24Oh, wait.
22:39It's okay.
22:42It's okay.
23:12It's okay.