Movie Time
  • 4 months ago
Transcript
00:00♪♪
00:10♪♪
00:20♪♪
00:30♪♪
00:40♪♪
00:50♪♪
00:55Smiley face.
00:57I win, suckers.
00:59It's hard playing digidos with a broken arm, bro.
01:02Shouldn't have got it broke like a punk then.
01:04Oh.
01:05Maybe with your more page.
01:08Digidos, y'all.
01:10♪♪
01:18As you know, even though our school is below the line,
01:22thanks to Dr. Najari's generous funding and guidance,
01:25we have been molded on above-the-line schools,
01:28where all public schools are mandated
01:30to give every single student an award no matter what.
01:34Lest anyone's self-esteem
01:36fall below the level of extremely egotistical.
01:39And now, to introduce our valedictorian,
01:46I'd like to bring up a pillar of our community,
01:50Dr. Aloysius Najari.
01:57At Najari Labs,
01:59we are committed to finding the best of the best
02:03and getting them into great institutions
02:05for their federally mandated college experience above the line.
02:09This next student has definitely gone above and beyond.
02:14Your valedictorian, Reina Perez.
02:17Yeah!
02:19It is because of Reina's outstanding scholarship
02:23and her innovative understanding of technology
02:25that she has been admitted to the very prestigious
02:28Mouth Dart Academy of the Limited Arts.
02:32Reina, congratulations.
02:38I am so proud and honored to be your valedictorian,
02:41but I didn't do it alone.
02:44I had great friends and family who helped me along the way.
02:47My parents were simple water farmers,
02:49but they always made sure I had a full belly
02:51and a roof over my head.
02:56Yay!
03:01Okay, so I know it'll be difficult,
03:03but I'll visit all the time.
03:05And remember, I'm doing this for all of us.
03:08After I graduate, I can get a great salary
03:10and move us all above the line.
03:12We're proud of you.
03:13Just really excited for you to go to college.
03:15Don't worry about us.
03:17Just get up there and get going.
03:19Okay.
03:22Now, this some good weed.
03:24Steffi, you want to hit it?
03:25Hell yeah, dude.
03:26Yeah.
03:30Yeah!
03:32Ha ha ha ha!
03:35Hey, Gabe.
03:37Hey.
03:38What's up?
03:40Oh, you know, just smoking some weed with Steffi.
03:42Oh.
03:43Hey, Steffi.
03:44What's up?
03:45Now, damn, girl, today was a big day, huh?
03:48Why are you so sad, Reyna?
03:51Gabe, I'm moving above the line for college.
03:54I feel like I just have to make my own way and be free.
03:59Are you breaking up with me?
04:02I think I have to be open to whatever situations await me.
04:06Screw that.
04:07You broke his heart, Biatch.
04:08Hey, hey, hey.
04:09You're breaking up with me.
04:11I think I have to be open to whatever situations await me.
04:14Screw that.
04:15You broke his heart, Biatch.
04:17Hey, hey.
04:18You're a Biatch, Steffi.
04:19Hey, ladies, ladies, come on.
04:20Not this again, huh?
04:21Steffi, you need to back off.
04:22Yeah, whatevs, Gabe.
04:24I love Reyna, but we need to respect her decision.
04:28Now, you ever need anything, you know where to find me.
04:33Actually, I don't.
04:34You crash all over the place and I'm unpredictable.
04:38I love weed.
04:40I love guns.
04:41I love hoes.
04:42La, la, la, la, la, la, la.
04:44I love weed.
04:45I love guns.
04:46I love hoes.
04:47La, la, la, la, la, la, la.
04:48I love weed.
04:49I love guns.
04:50I love hoes.
04:51La, la, la, la, la, la, la.
04:52I love weed.
04:53I love guns.
04:54I love hoes.
04:55La, la, la, la, la, la, la.
04:56I love weed.
04:57I love guns.
04:58I love hoes.
04:59La, la, la, la, la, la, la.
05:00I love weed.
05:01I love guns.
05:02I love hoes.
05:03La, la, la, la, la, la, la.
05:04I love weed.
05:05I love guns.
05:08Reina, you're here.
05:11Colleen, it's so nice to meet you in person.
05:14I know.
05:15The hologram hangouts are nice, but so impersonal.
05:18Totally.
05:20High five, roomie.
05:25We missed.
05:26With antics like these, I can tell we are going to be best friends immediately.
05:31Sure.
05:33My mom insisted I pack like 25 years worth of food.
05:36So embarrassing.
05:38Moms can't live without them, but you'd hate to live with them, right?
05:45Amazing.
05:46You are hilarious.
05:48I already feel like we're besties.
05:51Well, this food my mom packed is full of essential nutrients.
05:55Feel free to have any of it at any time.
05:57I also have tons of vitamins.
06:00I recommend taking a multivitamin once a day with breakfast.
06:04I will maybe do that.
06:09Anyways, my favorite band is Chilinks.
06:11Oh, yeah. She's great.
06:12Equal to Chilinks?
06:14I love Hobo Railroad Project.
06:18Oh, my God. Hobo Railroad Project. Totally my favorite.
06:21This bowler hat?
06:22Right?
06:23So cute.
06:24We have the same musical tastes.
06:26We are such great friends.
06:27Yeah.
06:29Did someone mention my favorite band?
06:30Oh, Chester.
06:32This is my roommate, Raina.
06:34Great to meet you.
06:35I can tell you're going to love college and fit in well up here above the line.
06:38What?
06:39Speaking of our favorite band, Hobo Railroad Project,
06:42I have two tickets to the show tonight.
06:44You care to join me?
06:47Yeah. Totally. That'd be great.
06:49Great.
06:51Okay. I will see you tonight.
06:53Pleasure meeting you.
06:57Wow.
06:58Wow.
07:00Sparks much?
07:02I mean, yeah. Kind of cute.
07:05We love you, Hobo Railroad!
07:13Oh, what a treat.
07:15That was so much fun.
07:17Chester, it was amazing seeing the Hobo Railroad Project live.
07:21No problem.
07:23How about a glass of wine?
07:24Yeah.
07:25I actually stashed some pomegranate electrolyte wine
07:28that I got from my parents' vineyard down in Irmingblem.
07:31The palms are grown in a soil aerated by worms,
07:34and while the vines whisper to you daily.
07:38There you are.
07:40Cheers.
07:45It's really good.
07:50So, how many sweater vests do you have?
07:52Oh, literally thousands.
08:03Oh, I'm sorry.
08:05This isn't how we hook up.
08:07Above the line.
08:09But I'm excited.
08:11I'm going to leave the room.
08:13You're going to stay here and you're going to...
08:15Just wait, okay? Trust me. You'll like it.
08:22Okay.
08:43Seriously?
08:45They don't actually have sex?
08:52No.
09:23Sex one, sex two, sex three
09:26Come on baby, sex with me
09:30I didn't want to do it
09:33But sex is the next closest thing
09:37Sexting, sexting, sexting
09:40Sexting the night away
09:52So, be careful what you wish for
09:55You just might get it
09:58Wish to ruin your life if you
10:01Fight back what you hated
10:04Go to college
10:06Go to college
10:08Go to college
10:10Go to college
10:12Go to college
10:14Go to college
10:16Go to college
10:18Go to college
10:20Go to college
10:22Go to college
10:28You okay?
10:30Yeah.
10:32Somebody had some fun last night.
10:34Yeah, me and Chester. Say no more.
10:37I am so happy for you.
10:39He's the perfect guy.
10:50Totally.
10:52Okay.
10:55Are you ready for your gosh dang hazing?
10:57Yeah, you ready?
10:59I'm ready.
11:00You're gosh dang awesome!
11:01You're gosh dang good and stuff!
11:03I like you!
11:04I'm glad you're going to join the frat gosh dang it!
11:06I respect the gosh dang out of you!
11:08Thank you, sir.
11:09Thank you, sir.
11:10And thank you, sir.
11:12Do you guys mind if we pause the hazing for just one second?
11:15Of course.
11:16Whatever you need.
11:19Raina, so embarrassing.
11:20That was my fraternity hazing ritual.
11:22Oh, it just sounded like they were being really nice.
11:25Well, of course.
11:26No one should be bullied in this day and age.
11:28Not even in a fraternity ritual.
11:30Oh, okay.
11:31Speaking of fraternities, we're having a big party at the house tonight.
11:35Love it if you came.
11:36Bring Colleen.
11:38Sounds like fun.
11:39Great.
11:40I should, uh, better get back, so...
11:43I love that gosh dang sweater dress!
11:47Not everyone can pull off a sweater dress, but you do gosh dang it!
11:50Good gosh dang job!
11:52You should take my mom.
11:53She made it.
11:59I'm so excited for this party.
12:01Colleen, can I tell you something?
12:04Raina, you can tell me anything.
12:06I'm literally your best friend.
12:08Raina, you can tell me anything.
12:10I'm literally your best friend.
12:12Chester is great.
12:13It's just, he never wants to have sex.
12:15He only wants to...
12:16sext.
12:18Sweetie, that's how a lot of us do it above the line.
12:21As technology progresses, there's less and less reason for physical intimacy.
12:25Oh.
12:31Ham.
12:33I need ham.
12:36Go to the most convenient store.
12:37One just rolled up.
12:39Welcome to the most convenient store.
12:40How may I assist your shopping needs this evening?
12:42Ham.
12:43I do not understand him.
12:44No, ham.
12:45I need it.
12:46Give it to me.
12:47I don't know, jam bit.
12:48Ham!
12:49Let's try again.
12:50Ham, ham, ham!
13:02Sorry.
13:04I just, I needed ham.
13:05I'm alright.
13:06Okay.
13:07I don't know.
13:08Paul Blight.
13:09Let's try again.
13:13Two, two!
13:14Two, two!
13:15Two, two!
13:16Two, two!
13:17Great cake, Stan, bro!
13:18You know what?
13:19You're a really great guy, Stan guy!
13:21Damn it, back at you, brother!
13:24Oh.
13:25You've got a straight piece of ham.
13:27God, I'm so sorry.
13:28I don't know what came over me.
13:30It's okay.
13:31This is good.
13:32Protein.
13:35Hey, guys.
13:36We made it.
13:37Hey!
13:38You are not going to believe it.
13:39Nerf Duhal from Hobo Railroad Project is here tonight.
13:41Really?
13:42Writing a song isn't so much writing as it is connecting to the great source of the universe.
13:43I just let it speak through me.
13:44Woo!
13:45Schnootzy, anyone?
13:46That is so much fun.
13:47I love it.
13:48I love it.
13:49I love it.
13:50I love it.
13:51I love it.
13:52I love it.
13:53I love it.
13:54I love it.
13:55I love it.
13:56I love it.
13:57I love it.
13:58I love it.
13:59I love it.
14:00I love it.
14:01I love it.
14:02I love it.
14:03I love it.
14:04Guys.
14:05It's such a cool room.
14:05Is this where it's wired to your arm?
14:06That is so awesome.
14:07I respect all these gotch dang women!
14:08I respect them all so gosh dang much!
14:09Oh, this is my favorite song.
14:10Oh, mine too.
14:11This is my favorite.
14:12Um, you want to dance?
14:13Yeah.
14:14Sure.
14:15Uhhhhh!
14:21Ohhhhhhhh!
14:34♪ I think about you ♪
14:43Hey, it's Gate.
14:46Raina, texting with Gate is only going to encourage him.
14:50You're with Chester now.
14:52Colleen, I'm not with anyone
14:54and I can text whoever I want.
15:04My period button isn't working.
15:12Pickle?
15:15Yeah.
15:23Here.
15:24Let me make you a vitamin protein shake to go with that.
15:27Why are you and Chester so excited about getting protein?
15:30We just want you to be healthy.
15:35I have to get to the bottom of these texts.
15:43Teledial Corp, Dirk speaking.
15:46How may I assist your cellular and digital needs today?
15:49Hi, um, I wanted to trace a text.
15:52Tracing a text?
15:54Let me transfer you.
15:56Hold music.
15:58Uh, you're listening to some hold music
16:02while you hold.
16:04Da-da-da-da-da.
16:06Ba-da-da-da-da, ba-da-da-da-da, ba-da-da-da-da.
16:09Boom, boom!
16:11Um, are you singing your own hold music?
16:14Busted.
16:16Research shows that customers are more satisfied with service
16:19if they've gone from one department to another.
16:22Sorry.
16:23I just want to know where these texts are coming from.
16:26I can help you with that.
16:28Can I get your first and last name, please?
16:30Raina Perez.
16:31Thank you, Raina.
16:33Would you please answer the following security question?
16:36You are walking through the desert,
16:38and you see a tortoise.
16:40I would help the tortoise.
16:42Very good!
16:44And beginning the trace.
16:49Beep!
16:52Blur!
16:53Um, are you making your own tracing noises now?
16:57Um, yes.
17:00The tracing system is silent,
17:02but research has shown that customers are more confident
17:06in the system if they hear some sounds.
17:08Beeps, boops, et cetera.
17:12That's fine.
17:14The trace is complete.
17:16These unknown texts have been coming from...
17:20Inside you!
17:25Take me to the doctor.
17:28Ms. Perez, it's a good thing you came to see a doctor.
17:32You're pregnant.
17:34What?
17:35But I haven't had sex in months.
17:37Ms. Perez, what you're saying is not possible,
17:40because you are indeed pregnant.
17:43No, what you're saying is impossible,
17:46because I haven't had sex in months.
17:48I would know.
17:49Impossible?
17:50What I'm saying is impossible?
17:52Well, the Sustan School of Medical Stuff
17:55would disagree with you.
17:57Arthur G. Usker College of Online Arts and Letters
18:00would disagree with you.
18:02I guess I'm not the world's best dad then, either.
18:06Okay, let's take it down a notch.
18:08Dude, what the hell?
18:10My apologies.
18:11My behavior is unbefitting of a graduate
18:14of the School of Med Stu.
18:17I'm not ready to be a mother.
18:19I just got into college.
18:21I want a career.
18:22Well, sometimes what we want
18:24isn't what's best for the world.
18:26What does that mean?
18:28You can go home, have your baby,
18:30and then go back to college.
18:31Chester and I will go with you.
18:33You and Chester?
18:34How would that work?
18:36I have to talk to my parents.
18:38I'm sorry.
18:39I'm sorry.
18:40I'm sorry.
18:41I'm sorry.
18:42I'm sorry.
18:43I'm sorry.
18:44I have to talk to my parents.
18:46There's no problem.
18:47We're here.
18:49What are you doing?
18:51Did you just...
18:52Were you behind the curtain this whole time?
18:54Your roommate, Colleen, is right.
18:55Move home, have the baby.
18:57She and Chester can come help.
18:59How can anyone say that?
19:01How can you say that?
19:03You've never even met Chester.
19:06Actually, they have.
19:09You were behind the curtain, too?
19:11Dr. Najari...
19:13Why did you all just step out at the same time?
19:15I don't know.
19:17Super weird.
19:18That's your opinion.
19:20Beep, boop.
19:22Derg?
19:24From call center?
19:26Beep.
19:28Raina, you should be proud.
19:30We have chosen you as the ideal mother
19:32for a new life form.
19:34A form of life that's been digitally created.
19:38Behold.
19:42An emoji baby.
19:46Raina, you are the mother of the first emoji baby.
19:50The sexting.
19:52Soon, our society will no longer need
19:55physical intimacy at all.
19:57Imagine how much more powerful we will be
19:59when we don't have to depend on one another.
20:02We've been grooming you, Raina.
20:05We've been grooming you, Raina,
20:08to raise this baby.
20:10And we have found you the perfect partner.
20:13We just started dating.
20:15Chester will help me raise the baby.
20:17Your family will be moved above the line
20:19to be a part of the child's life.
20:21And we've got a fully carpeted condo all set up for you.
20:23Beautiful wall-to-wall carpeting.
20:25This is what you wanted, Raina.
20:27To get your family above the line.
20:29Not like this.
20:31You all knew about this?
20:32You were all in on it?
20:35I'm not a real doctor.
20:37I'm an actor.
20:38Bet you couldn't tell.
20:40You know, acting isn't really acting.
20:43It's reacting.
20:45It's becoming a character.
20:46Shut up, Lance.
20:47Sorry.
20:49Actors.
20:50Mom?
20:52Dad?
20:53Raina, darling, listen.
20:54We're moving above the line.
20:56Dr. Najari's gonna relocate us
20:58to a fully carpeted condo.
20:59Enough about the stupid carpeting.
21:01Colleen? All those shakes?
21:03Prepare your body for the sex baby.
21:09The most convenient store?
21:11Somehow I feel most betrayed by you.
21:13I don't know, bell-taped by you.
21:16So there was no one I could trust.
21:18Nah.
21:19You got me, babe.
21:22What's up, Raina?
21:24Made her save you, girl.
21:25Come with me.
21:27Let's raise this baby right.
21:29No.
21:30What?
21:31No, Geet.
21:32You're a 25-year-old high school senior.
21:34You're nice, but totally undependable.
21:36Okay, so if I'm understanding all this,
21:40sexting is the way to implant the baby.
21:43That's the science behind it, yes.
21:45Then you shouldn't have done this
21:47to the valedictorian of a tech high school.
21:49Screens.
21:50Grab.
21:51Chester.
21:52Send.
21:53Raina, no!
21:54Doc?
21:55Daddy!
21:56Doc, what's happening?
21:57She's forwarded the baby to you.
21:58Send it back, Chester.
21:59Send it back.
22:01You want this baby so much?
22:02You have it.
22:03No, no.
22:04What about my career?
22:05I don't know.
22:06Figure it out.
22:07Going back to college.
22:11A fully carpeted condo!
22:13Da, da-da, da, da.
22:15Da-da-da.
22:19Da, da-da-da, da, da-da, da.
22:25Da, da-da-da, da right there.
22:34Da-da, da-da.
22:36Ooh.
22:43Da da da da da da,
22:46da da da da da da...
22:48Da da da da da da,
22:51da da da da da da,
22:54da da da da da da...
22:57da da da da...
23:01No-o-o lighter,
23:05oh...
23:08Tinted windows,
23:11Tinted windows, tinted windows, tinted windows.
23:15I love weed.
23:17I love guns.
23:18I love hoes.
23:20I love my hoes.
23:21I love to smoke weed.
23:23I love to shoot my gun.
23:25I love my hoes.
23:26Love my hoes, my hoes.
23:27Love my ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-hoes.
23:31Ha, ha, ha.
23:33Ha, ha, ha.