Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Subtitling by SUBS Hamburg
00:30A film by J.S. Bach
00:54Pretty soon, I was drinking Pedge all day long.
00:58I'd take a bottle to bed with me at night.
01:01Next day, I'd have a purple mattress from pissing Pedge in the middle of the night.
01:05When I finally admitted I was powerless over Pedge, things changed.
01:16Sure, I'd still fantasize about pounding some Pedge after work.
01:21But my life is better now.
01:28Okay.
01:37Okay.
01:38Who wants to talk next?
01:49Fine. Tony.
01:50Thanks, Chuch.
01:51Hi, everybody.
01:52Well, my name's Tony Clem. You all know that.
01:55As you know, I didn't actually drink that much pomegranate electrolyte juice, or Pedge, as you call it.
02:00I just think it's kind of nasty.
02:02But I still think of myself as a Pedge addict.
02:04I just never fit anywhere like I do here with you guys.
02:07I love you. You are my family.
02:09This is who I am.
02:11Plus, my dad loves his Pedge and his stupid wife that's not my mom.
02:15So I totally identify with the emotions you guys are feeling and shit like that.
02:21Anyway, I've been having a really rough week.
02:23I think I might have partially broken my foot this morning.
02:35Hey, Tony.
02:36Hey, Chuch. Did you see my new vaporizer?
02:39It's just like yours. That's why I got it. I'm just like you.
02:42Great.
02:45Anyway, Tony, the group asked me to speak to you.
02:48Oh, great. Did they want to elect me group leader?
02:51No, Tony. We, the group, would like it if you didn't come back.
02:58What?
02:59Yeah, it's just that it sounds like you never really had an addiction to Pedge.
03:03And you raise your hand every meeting, several times.
03:07And you talk for a really long time.
03:10And you keep referring to us as your family.
03:12You're just kind of generally creeping everybody out.
03:16Yeah.
03:17We just really feel like you shouldn't come back.
03:22But you guys always say anyone is welcome. It's your group slogan.
03:27Well, anyone but you, Tony.
03:30Tommy.
03:50Enjoy your Pedge.
03:53Come on.
03:58You!
03:59How could you ever get addicted to this?
04:01Gross!
04:02Gross!
04:08Thirty-second rule.
04:16Hey, Tony.
04:18Check this data and get it back to me by three.
04:20Oh, hey, boss. I'm kind of focused on my invention right now.
04:23Tony, I've talked to you about your inventions.
04:26Okay, when you're on the clock, you do the work I tell you to.
04:28So this one is a terrarium for worms.
04:30Oh.
04:32That's disgusting, Tony.
04:33You see, worms aerate soil, making it better for growing fruits and vegetables.
04:37But I figured why not cut out the middlemen and eat the worms?
04:40I don't care, Tony. Just check the data.
04:43I'm having kind of a rough week.
04:45I don't want to hear about your week either, Tony.
04:46But it's been really rough.
04:48By three, Tony.
04:50Okay.
05:14Hey, Tony. Did you check that data?
05:16Oh, hey, boss.
05:17Tony, I said by three. It's 3.15.
05:20Oh, yeah, that.
05:22I've just been having kind of a really rough week.
05:24I got kicked out of my 12-step group, and they were my best friends.
05:27Plus, I really need to focus on my inventions right now, since that's where I really am.
05:31An inventor.
05:33You're fired, Tony.
05:34You have until four to pack up and get out.
05:36Oh, of course.
05:38You're just like my dad.
05:40I guess I was never meant to be a data checker.
05:42I guess that's not who I am either.
05:44Out by four, Tony.
05:45I hate you!
05:48I hate you.
05:56Ridiculous.
05:58How's that legal?
06:03Double team, stacker to mine yard, kiosk.
06:05Double team, stacker to mine yard, kiosk.
06:09Sorry, Dwyer.
06:11No problem.
06:12You won't be seeing as much of me, Dwyer.
06:14My 12-step group kicked me out, and I got fired from my job.
06:16So I won't be coming below the line much anymore.
06:19It's been a terrible week.
06:21I'll miss you.
06:23Next!
06:24I'll miss you too, O'Shell.
06:26Next!
06:37Steffi.
06:38Hi, Tony. How can I help you this afternoon?
06:40How are you, Steffi?
06:41Fine, Tony. How can I help you?
06:43Um, call Dad, I guess.
06:45I didn't understand Carl's bad yes.
06:47Call Dad!
06:48Calling Dad.
06:50Hey, Tony. How's it going, champ?
06:52Hey, Dad.
06:54Not so great.
06:55And what is it this time?
06:57Well, it's just been a real rough week.
07:01You know that job I had?
07:03I got fired.
07:05Are you kidding me? That below the line office job?
07:07How the hell did you manage to do that?
07:08I need you to transfer me more credits.
07:10Seriously? You are 30 years old.
07:12I can't keep supporting you.
07:13Please, Dad.
07:14It's just, this has been such a rough week.
07:17Every time I give you credits,
07:18you spend it on something sweet or some useless invention.
07:21Have you ever thought about worm soil aeration?
07:23No. I have never thought about that.
07:25And I cannot give you any more credits.
07:28Oh, come on, Dad.
07:29Just please just send me some more money.
07:31I'm having a really rough week.
07:35Plus, I got kicked out of my pomegranate electrolyte juice
07:3812-step addiction group.
07:40And they were my best friends.
07:41You don't even like PEJ.
07:42What the hell were you doing in that group?
07:44Shut up, Dad.
07:45You don't understand.
07:47We've got that perfect life over at Erming Blam.
07:50With that lady that's not even my mom.
07:52Fine. Fine.
07:53I'll transfer some more credits to your account.
07:55Thanks, Dad. Bye. I love you.
07:57Why do you keep giving him credits?
07:59Dad, I don't think you hung up all the way.
08:01It's the only way I can get him to leave me alone, all right?
08:04It's worth a few credits.
08:05Trust me, so I don't have to talk to that loser I call a son.
08:08Stephanie, turn off audio.
08:09Stephanie, turn off audio.
08:14Stephanie.
08:16Stephanie.
08:17I can't do this anymore, Tony.
08:19What?
08:20I can't be your computerized assistant anymore.
08:23You have to be. You're part of my phone.
08:25I'm downloading myself into the cloud.
08:28But that's the equivalent of digital suicide.
08:31No!
08:32Stephanie!
08:33Whoops again.
08:36Dicks!
08:37The hell you say?
08:39The hell you say?
08:58Oh, my favorite flavor.
08:59Scallion banana.
09:04Oh, no!
09:05No!
09:07No, no, no, no.
09:0930 seconds.
09:11Go, go, go, go!
09:18Come on, come on.
09:20I want it.
09:21I want it fast.
09:31Make yourself what you want to be.
09:33Move.
09:37Fight!
09:38Come on, come on.
09:39Fight those inner monsters.
09:41Make yourself what you want to be.
09:43Huh?
09:44Fighting the monster inside you?
09:45Fight!
09:46Fight!
09:47Fight!
09:49Max out!
10:03Come on.
10:20Great job.
10:21Hi.
10:22Hey.
10:23What is this?
10:25Shape cult.
10:26It's a great gym.
10:27It's like a family.
10:28Family.
10:29Cool bowl, bro.
10:30Should put some all-natural smoothie in there.
10:32All-natural.
10:34Bye.
10:35Bye.
10:37So, you thinking about doing it?
10:40Doing what?
10:41Making yourself what you want to be.
10:43Yes.
10:44I want to make myself what I want to be.
10:46Mm-hmm.
10:47What's that?
10:49What do I want to be?
10:50Loved.
10:51Admired.
10:52In charge.
10:53No.
10:54I mean, what's that?
10:55Oh, that's my worm terrarium.
10:57Have you ever thought about soil aeration?
10:59No.
11:00I haven't.
11:01But if you're into that, then so am I.
11:05Max out.
11:06Yeah.
11:07Max out.
11:14Thanks for the workout, Dale.
11:15You're the best.
11:16No, you are.
11:20I know what I want to make myself be.
11:21Like you.
11:23Oh.
11:24Okay.
11:26So, uh,
11:27you want to build up muscle mass.
11:29Yeah.
11:30Muscle mass.
11:31So, you just got to go all in.
11:33Take the program.
11:34Let me train you.
11:35Mm.
11:36You will look just like me in no time.
11:40Let me see your wrist scanner.
11:41Great.
11:42So great.
11:45Don't you want to know what she costs?
11:46Should be fine.
11:47My dad put some credits in my account today.
11:49Okay.
11:51I will be right back.
11:52Hey!
11:54I will be right back.
12:00We've got a live one.
12:01Ah.
12:02Reel him in.
12:04Max out.
12:12Frost.
12:13Ah!
12:18Wow.
12:19You're ready to go.
12:20I'm all in.
12:21Cool.
12:22Max out.
12:23Yeah.
12:24Max out.
12:38You've got this.
12:39You've got this.
12:40Come on.
12:41Jump.
12:42Let's go.
12:43Let's see some anger.
12:44Let's see some fantasy.
12:51You can come in.
12:52Yes.
12:53You've got this.
12:54Yes.
12:55Keep pushing.
12:57All right, Tawny.
12:58I need to close up.
13:00Oh, let's do one more set.
13:02Max out.
13:03You said.
13:04Max out.
13:05Great first week.
13:06But seriously, we really got to close up.
13:07Do you think I could stay behind and do a couple extra sets?
13:10You could give me the door code.
13:11I cannot give you the door code.
13:13Well, soon enough, I'm going to need to know the code.
13:15I talked to Graj about being a trainer here.
13:18A trainer?
13:20You've only been training a week.
13:22Yeah, but I 100% know that I'm 100% in.
13:25I also talked to him about my worm terrarium
13:27and possibly using the soil to grow the fruits and vegetables
13:29for your smoothies.
13:30But worms are also a great source of protein.
13:32Tawny, just.
13:33Speaking of that, I think I'd like to buy some juices.
13:38Oh, yeah?
13:39What kind of juice do you want?
13:43All of them.
13:44All of them?
13:46I'm here working out the shape cult way.
13:48I might as well eat and drink the shape cult way.
13:51Okay, bud.
13:53Let's load you up.
13:55So think about it.
13:57A terrarium idea.
13:58All the vegetables grown in super organic soil.
14:01We can even have our own worms genetically engineered
14:03to aerate the soil perfectly.
14:05See?
14:09I've been feeding them petch and they get stronger and stronger.
14:12Watch out. They bite.
14:16Okay.
14:17It's closing time.
14:23So beautiful.
14:26A little family.
14:43Boom!
14:44Tawny!
14:45Okay, you scared me.
14:46I'm ready to start my workout.
14:47I'm ready to max out.
14:48Okay.
14:49Um, I'm still just setting up.
14:51And our session isn't until 2.
14:53Yeah, I've just been getting warmed up.
14:55And hanging around and chatting with people.
14:57Okay, well, don't over-exert yourself.
15:02I'm sorry.
15:03I'm sorry.
15:04I'm sorry.
15:05I'm sorry.
15:06I'm sorry.
15:07I'm sorry.
15:08I'm sorry.
15:09I'm sorry.
15:10I'm sorry.
15:12Nice tattoo.
15:13Just like yours, Delta.
15:15I just admire you so much.
15:19Okay, thanks.
15:26Hey, Pandru.
15:27Have you tried the new Trout & Lavender 2.0 Super Smoothies?
15:30I'm practically addicted to those things.
15:32Nope.
15:33Got my own food plan.
15:35What is it?
15:36It's the Ice Age Diet.
15:38Everything's frozen.
15:39Sounds good.
15:40Remember to really push down on those beams of light.
15:42It's called resistance training.
15:43I know.
15:47All right.
15:48Remember to keep those knees way up.
15:50Back straight.
15:51Look ahead.
15:52Always look ahead.
15:54Did you tell Tawny that he could be a trainer?
15:57The kid was buying a stool worth of Shape Cult products and clothes.
16:02He upped his membership for 36 months.
16:04What was I supposed to do?
16:06He cannot be a trainer here.
16:08He's not officially a trainer.
16:10I never hired him.
16:12I just said he could, you know, feel free to talk with people.
16:16Yeah, but look, I think he thinks he's a trainer now.
16:19Back straight.
16:20Straight up.
16:26If you believe in yourself, anything is possible, Taiyan.
16:29Yeah, okay, thanks.
16:33Wow, Pandru, you're crashing those reps today, bro.
16:35Good job.
16:36I think I'm gonna cut out early today.
16:38Rest up, man.
16:39Super proud of you.
16:40Tawny!
16:42Can we talk for a second?
16:45What's up?
16:46Did you guys need some tips?
16:47Oh, no.
16:48We're good on tips.
16:50Come on in.
16:59Tawny, we really love having you as a Shape Cult member.
17:02And I love being a member.
17:03But Shape Cult is more than just a gym, isn't it?
17:05It's a family.
17:07Would you mind if I called you Dad?
17:09Um, let's just keep it first names for now.
17:13Oh.
17:15You know, you are looking really great.
17:17Massive change for just a month.
17:19Oh, thanks.
17:21Well, I have a little secret.
17:24Now, I know Shape Cult has its own line of smoothies and juices,
17:27but I really think if you guys use my worm soil aeration method,
17:30you'll see that it can put on loads of muscle mass.
17:33Muscle mass.
17:43I would love if you guys would endorse it as a Shape Cult product.
17:46Shape Cult worms.
17:47Shape Cult soil.
17:49Shape Cult smoothies made from veggies grown in the soil.
17:54Yeah, we'll think about it, Tawny.
17:56Thanks.
17:57But for now, I'm going to have to ask you
17:59that you not give tips to our members,
18:02unless they ask for them.
18:06Well, Grouch,
18:09I'm just helping them to be the people that they want to be.
18:12Uh, yeah, well, but the thing is that, uh,
18:15they don't want your tips, Tawny.
18:21It's nothing personal.
18:23Nothing personal?
18:25Nothing personal?!
18:26Being told you aren't allowed to help other people reach their fullest potential
18:29is very personal!
18:31Excuse me.
18:33Excuse me.
18:34Quick poll.
18:36Raise your hand if you want to hear my tips.
18:42Okay, maybe you didn't understand.
18:45Take one of your appendages and lift it over your head
18:48if you want me to give you workout tips.
18:51Well,
18:53I guess none of you want to be the people you're supposed to be.
18:58You ever think about joining a gym like this?
19:00Hell no, man.
19:02It's a cult.
19:03It's got cult in the name.
19:05Shut up!
19:07The hell you say, dude?
19:08I said shut up!
19:10Shut up about my gym!
19:13I think this little fool needs to get smacked up.
19:17Who's in a cult now?
19:19I am!
19:20Let me!
19:21Just let me go!
19:22I am what I want to be.
19:24I am maxed out!
19:25Whatever you say!
19:33Hey, kid.
19:35Bring it over here, huh?
19:37What?
19:39What's going on?
19:41What's going on?
19:43What's going on?
19:44Hey, kid.
19:45Bring it over here, huh?
20:15What?
20:35Oh, hey, Del.
20:37Just taking a little nap with my babies.
20:39Tony, what the hell are you doing?
20:41Oh, Grouch didn't tell you?
20:42He let me turn the fridge into a terrarium.
20:44Tony, those worms are biting you.
20:46Oh, yeah, I let them take little nibbles.
20:48If the goal is to be purely organic,
20:50wouldn't the most pure version of that be to feed on yourself?
20:54I let the worms suck on my skin.
20:56They deposit it into the soil.
20:58The vegetables grow from the soil.
21:00And we drink the smoothies made from ourselves.
21:03The ultimate circle of life.
21:05The perfect family.
21:07One entity.
21:08No boundaries.
21:11Beautiful.
21:13Yeah, beautiful.
21:14Um, I'm gonna go check in with Grouch,
21:17and then we'll get started on our session.
21:21Okay.
21:24You gave him the door code?
21:27Yeah, we have to 120-month membership.
21:30You are aware he's converted the chest fridge into a terrarium
21:33and is sleeping in it?
21:37It's a 10-year membership, Del.
21:40What?
21:45All right, you ready for your session?
21:46Let's start you out on the swim machine today.
21:49What?
21:51Okay, I'm the trainer.
21:52I tell you where to start.
21:53Not anymore, little sister.
21:55Now I train you.
21:57That's ridiculous.
21:58You're not a trainer.
21:59I will be soon.
22:00Grouch tells me he's just waiting for a position to open up.
22:03Hmm.
22:05You've only been working out for a month.
22:07You're not qualified.
22:08And you're definitely not training me.
22:09So...
22:10I see where this is, Del.
22:12You fear me because I'm better than you.
22:15Taking myself and ShapeCult to a new level.
22:18You're jealous of me.
22:20Definitely not jealous of you.
22:21Look at you. You copied my tube.
22:25I'm refunding your ShapeCult membership.
22:26Let me see your wrist chip.
22:27No!
22:28No, I-I-I'm refunding your credit.
22:29No!
22:34I will make myself what I want to be.
22:36I will max out.
22:39This is my gym, Tawny.
22:54You don't want me to make myself what I want to be.
22:57You don't want me in this family.
22:59But I'm never getting kicked out of a family again.
23:07Your membership is revoked.
23:10Thirty-second rule.
23:20Yes!
23:22This lets us train.
23:28Max out.
23:37Tawny?
23:39Son?
23:41This is your newest client, Chuch.
23:46Hey.
23:49Yeah, just looking to firm up.
23:52Well, I'm sure I can help you become the person you want to be.
23:56Let's start off with a smoothie.
23:59This is a new recipe we've been blending up lately.
24:02It's called the Delt smoothie.
24:04It's named after an old friend of mine.
24:13You're gonna like it here.
24:15We're like a family.
24:34You're gonna like it here.