Weird City: Ep5 (Chonathan & Mulia & Barsley & Phephanie)

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Transcript
00:00Subtitling by SUBS Hamburg
00:30Music by J.S. Bach
00:56I am so glad we could all get together for this brunch.
00:59Mulya and I really missed seeing you guys.
01:02Yes, Jonathan and I are so glad to finally have you over to see the changes to our house.
01:06We feel the flow is much better now that our walls are entirely organic.
01:10Mm-hmm.
01:11Stephanie and I are so glad to see you guys and see what you've done with this place.
01:15Aren't we foofy?
01:16Please don't call me that.
01:17Uh, I brought an organic cantaloupe from our cantaloupe trellis in the backyard.
01:24Please cut some.
01:25Oh, wow!
01:26Uh-huh.
01:29Maybe later. It's organic.
01:31I'm focusing on a completely flesh-free diet.
01:34So anything that has a flesh-like exterior, it's not on the table.
01:37Oh, wow. That is amazing.
01:39I just think it's so great what you're doing.
01:42It is. It is great. It is great.
01:45You know what I've been doing?
01:47I've been picking up trash along the line.
01:49Just in my down time.
01:51It is so spiritually empowering.
01:53Oh, wow. That's great.
01:54Are you doing both sides of the line?
01:56Hmm?
01:57Are you also going to the other side of the line, below the line,
02:00and then picking up trash from there?
02:06Let's toast.
02:07Using my locally sourced, home-brewed pumpkin lavender ale.
02:10To those less fortunate than us.
02:16How are the avocado finger toasts?
02:17Avocado is fleshy, so I wouldn't know.
02:19I've been putting an effort into just being kind to everyone.
02:23Even store clerks and waiters.
02:25I've been posting about my opinions on social media.
02:27If a politician disagrees with what I have to say,
02:29I make sure he hears it by retweeting like 40, 50 times.
02:32You know what I heard?
02:34I heard that Palf and Plisa sponsored a kid from below the line.
02:38They just send him a few credits every month
02:40to help the kid buy tablets for school
02:42and, you know, socially acceptable toe shoes.
02:45I've seen those commercials.
02:47With the sad music and the awful conditions
02:49those below the line kids live in.
02:52Steffi, play the commercial.
02:54Okay, Feffany.
02:56When a child says,
02:58Mommy, I'm hungry.
03:02And you know that you want to do good.
03:09Do you just walk away?
03:13Because you're busy today.
03:17Or send credits like you do today.
03:21Like you know you should.
03:26Sending credits makes you feel so good.
03:39That is just so good and great of Plisa and Palf.
03:46Yes, so good. So great.
03:49A little impersonal though, right?
03:52Wait, what?
03:54I mean, they're sending credits.
03:56I'm sorry, but that's a little impersonal.
04:01Yes.
04:03Right.
04:04What below the line kids need is contact.
04:07Love.
04:08Yes. Yeah, absolutely.
04:09They're doing it wrong.
04:10Completely wrong.
04:11Love them so much though.
04:12Yeah, they're amazing.
04:13But yes, they're doing it wrong.
04:15The morally correct thing to do
04:17is to spend some real face-to-face time
04:19with some poor below the line kids.
04:21I mean, really, we all should, right?
04:23I mean, what?
04:24You think Palf and Plisa think they're better than us?
04:26Yes, they do.
04:27But they aren't.
04:29Because we are going to go below the line
04:30and find a kid to sponsor.
04:32Right now.
04:34Okay. Sure.
04:36I'm going to bring the cantaloupe for hunger later.
04:40So I don't want to say this to any way signal that I'm scared
04:42because I'm absolutely in no way scared.
04:44But just for conversation's sake,
04:46I will let you know that I have never been below the line.
04:49I'm not scared either.
04:50No need to worry or be scared.
04:52I have been below the line.
04:53Know it very well, as a matter of fact.
04:55Love it down there.
04:57So vibrant.
04:581, 2, 3, 4.
05:01Enter below the line at your own risk.
05:05You know what?
05:07It just occurred to me.
05:08If we ride our bikes below,
05:10how are we going to bring our sponsor back?
05:11There's no room in the bikes.
05:13No room. Absolutely no room.
05:15Just to make it clear, Jonathan,
05:16are you sure that's not because you don't want to be
05:18riding your bikes down below the line?
05:20Of course not.
05:21This is a totally practical point.
05:23The kid is from below the line.
05:25He might not even know what a bike is.
05:27He may think it's some sort of animal predator.
05:29I don't want him to be scared.
05:30Listen, I'm famished with this bike ride.
05:32Anybody want to dig into this cantaloupe?
05:34We're not going to walk down there, are we?
05:40Should we...
05:41No.
05:42You're not stealing a van.
05:44The virtue of our mission of mercy
05:46overrides the moral ambiguity of taking the van.
05:48You can't start a revolution without lighting a match.
05:50Marlowe, I'm free.
05:51You can't start a revolution without breaking some eggs.
05:54He always has to be right.
05:56No, that's not right.
06:01Go.
06:03Move it along.
06:04Move it along. Let's go.
06:07This place is so vibrant.
06:10Art is made on walls here?
06:12No, Barsley.
06:13That's called graffiti.
06:15Can't afford tablets, so they just write on the walls.
06:17Oh.
06:19What kind of yoga is that?
06:20Oh, it looks just like regular Hatha yoga.
06:23He's in Shavasana right now.
06:25Where are the children in need?
06:27Is there a bin full of them somewhere?
06:29Let's find out.
06:36What is that?
06:37They put their clothes in a machine full of water
06:39and it's just spinning around.
06:41Is this some kind of theme park?
06:42No, Stephanie, those are called laundromats.
06:44You see, people below the line are forced to wash their own clothes.
06:47Oh.
06:50Okay, but what is that?
06:51That place with the giant T on it?
06:53That's not a T, it's a crucifix.
06:55It's a symbol of their religion.
06:56They have religion?
06:57Sad.
06:58It comforts and guides them through life.
07:00We're so lucky we have an app for that.
07:02There but for the grace of Steffi, go I.
07:07Houses?
07:08Barsley, did you get us lost?
07:10We're back above the line.
07:11Actually, Stephanie, below the line,
07:12they have neighborhoods just like we do.
07:14You know what?
07:15I'm just thinking this right now.
07:17In fact, I might be the first person to think this,
07:19but in a lot of ways,
07:21people below the line are no different than us.
07:24It's almost like they're people, too.
07:26And we never would have learned this
07:27if we had just sent credits like Low Morality Palvin, please.
07:30I mean, below the liners are almost like us.
07:33They have houses, they walk around.
07:35Exactly.
07:36And where's the best place to find a poor kid?
07:39A house.
07:46Is that primitive yard art?
07:49They're child accoutrements.
07:50A poor kid lives here.
08:01He seems good.
08:02He seems good. He's perfect.
08:03I want to sponsor him.
08:04I want to sponsor him right now.
08:06I hope he likes cantaloupes.
08:07Let's get him.
08:08Yeah, okay.
08:10Hey, guy.
08:11We're here to sponsor you.
08:13Come on, buddy.
08:14Come on.
08:15What's your name?
08:16Um, Oliver.
08:18You can't just walk into people's houses.
08:20Oliver?
08:21What a great name.
08:23Dad!
08:24No, he's not your dad.
08:26We're here to sponsor you.
08:28Dad!
08:29Some weird people just walked into the house.
08:31Yeah, you can call me Dad if you really want to.
08:33This cantaloupe is organic.
08:35I love you so much.
08:36Hey!
08:38Get the hell out of here!
08:44Are you okay?
08:45Yeah.
08:46I'm okay.
08:50What the hell was that?
08:54Jeff.
08:56Detective Gerth Haddock.
08:59I've been assigned to your stolen van case.
09:01Nice to meet you.
09:03A detective?
09:04For a stolen van?
09:05This is by far the worst crime committed above the line in a really long time.
09:08But don't worry.
09:09I'll put out an immediate APB and we'll find these scum.
09:12That's great.
09:14I guess the game has begun.
09:21You okay?
09:22Hmm?
09:23Yeah, I'm just trying to remember where I parked my car.
09:27Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
09:28Stop! Stop!
09:29Great.
09:30Thanks so much.
09:33Whoa.
09:34We're in luck.
09:35These are known as longmeats.
09:37Very popular below the line.
09:39Four longmeats, please!
09:41Okay.
09:42Steffi, check my Don't Put That In Your Mouth app for below the line food.
09:45All food below the line is potentially toxic.
09:47But eating here does have character-building social merit.
09:50These longmeats look so authentic.
09:53What's wrong, Moulia?
09:54The longmeat's too good for you to handle?
09:56I can't seem to enjoy anything ever since we lost Ulliver.
10:00Ulliver!
10:01Shh, shh, shh.
10:03Everyone get in the van.
10:04I have a plan.
10:11Hey, cut it out!
10:13Hey, let me out of this van!
10:15Stop!
10:16Go, go, go!
10:19Oh, it's so perfect!
10:21Would you like some cantaloupe sport?
10:23It's organic.
10:24Who are you texting, buddy?
10:26Telling my dad I got kidnapped.
10:28What?
10:29No, we're not kidnapping you.
10:30I'm pretty sure if you lock a kid that's not yours in a van,
10:33it's called kidnapping.
10:35Oh, so precocious.
10:37Oh, he already hates me.
10:39We're sponsoring you.
10:40We want to show you what happiness looks like.
10:42And just for a few hours, you'll be home by supper.
10:50We're gonna get you so much bigger than you already are.
10:53But not too big.
10:56ID?
11:00Is that your child?
11:01No.
11:02Yes.
11:03To clarify, he's not our biological child.
11:05We just put him in a van and we're taking him home.
11:07We're sponsoring him.
11:08Organic cantaloupe?
11:11Whatever.
11:12Go ahead.
11:16Oh, show.
11:17I just got an APB on a stolen delivery van.
11:20Have you seen anything?
11:21Nope.
11:22Next!
11:26I've never been above the line before.
11:29The air is really clean.
11:31Sure is, buddy.
11:32And your palm trees are green, too.
11:34And the truck we passed was repaving a street that looked like it just got paved.
11:39They didn't repave our street even after the sinkhole opened up.
11:42That's terrible.
11:49Yep.
11:50These are delivery van tire marks.
11:52I would know.
11:54My father was a delivery van driver.
11:56Uh-huh.
11:58Thank God.
12:00Girth Haddock.
12:01Police detective.
12:03Thanks for coming.
12:04You kidding?
12:05I'd do anything to save a van.
12:06I called the cops about my kid being abducted.
12:09A kidnapping and a van theft.
12:12Crazy day.
12:13You know what?
12:14I wouldn't normally do this, but I'm going to fold your kidnapping case into my stolen van investigation.
12:18Thanks.
12:19Are you a cop?
12:20Sorry.
12:21That's Jeff, the delivery driver.
12:22Hey.
12:23You know, these van thieves, they don't think like you and me.
12:26They're sick in the head.
12:27They can't wait to get their greasy palms around the wheel of that van and take control like they don't have at home.
12:33Did I mention my father was a delivery van driver?
12:36Yeah, you did.
12:37I did, okay.
12:38You know what?
12:39Here.
12:40My kid has been texting me.
12:41Do you want to track his phone?
12:42You kidding?
12:43That's exactly what they'd think we'd do.
12:45So what are we going to do?
12:46We're going to stay one step ahead.
12:48Just like a game of chess.
12:49Consider me and Jeff, the delivery van driver, showing up bishop to rook six.
12:53Track the goddamn phone.
12:54Track the text, Jeff.
12:56I don't know how to do that.
12:58Jeff doesn't know how to track texts.
13:02This is the softest couch I've ever sat on.
13:05Nice.
13:08So what do we do with him now?
13:10We should take pictures of ourselves with Oliver to show our friends how much we're helping him.
13:14And to motivate them to take action.
13:16Why is the middle toe of your shoes missing?
13:19Oh, well, uh, middle toe is the conduit to the eighth chapera.
13:23It just looks cool.
13:25Yes, we have one of the best collections of screensaver art in the city.
13:30I miss my dad.
13:32Oh, he's sad.
13:33I got this, guys.
13:34I've been going to therapy machines for years.
13:37I'm best equipped to talk to a neglected child.
13:40I'm not neglected.
13:41My dad takes care of me.
13:43Mm-hmm.
13:44Clear the room, please.
13:55This is my crying closet.
13:57It's where you can go to take a break from the world and let your emotions out.
14:01Go on, try it.
14:02I don't need to cry right now.
14:04I'm actually kind of having fun.
14:06Even though you guys are weird.
14:08Yes, you do need to cry, Oliver.
14:10You need to release your trauma.
14:15I want you to tell me about yourself.
14:17No detail is too disturbing.
14:19I can help.
14:21Um, well, I live with my dad.
14:24And he abuses you.
14:26No.
14:27I love my dad.
14:29He's really cool.
14:30He's raised me on his own ever since my mom died in that sinkhole accident.
14:34I was pretty young, but I do sometimes think about her.
14:38Oh, my God, that reminds me so much of Jonathan.
14:41He's always telling me what to do.
14:43You've noticed that, right?
14:44I just...
14:46I need to be self-actualized.
14:48And I don't know if I can do that with Jonathan.
14:51He just can be so cold sometimes.
14:55Do you know that we haven't had sex in seven months?
14:59Have you tried talking to him?
15:01Talking?
15:02No.
15:03What do you know?
15:04You're just a kid.
15:14Oh!
15:22I gotta get it sent on me.
15:24Oh, you left me a trail of breadcrumbs to follow, didn't you?
15:27You van thieves.
15:28Thought you could outrun the long arm of the law, but you can't.
15:31Because this van didn't want to leave its daddy.
15:34Great.
15:36Oliver just texted me the address.
15:38I know where my son is.
15:40You bring me to your son,
15:42and I'll bring you to your van.
15:43You got a car?
15:44I took one of those scooter rentals here.
15:46Yeah, right here. I'm the white one.
15:47Okay, great. I'll drive.
15:48No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
15:49I got it. I got it.
15:50I'll drive!
15:51You're not driving my car, man.
15:52Okay, I'll take shotgun.
15:53No, my legs are long.
15:54Okay, I'll hop in the back.
15:56Hey, Oliver.
15:57Brought my home brew kit,
15:59so I could teach you how to brew some beers.
16:01Smell these hops.
16:03They smell weird.
16:05I agree. They smell great.
16:06Get you drunk, too.
16:08So...
16:11Did Mulia mention me
16:12during you guys' therapy sessions?
16:14I don't know if you noticed,
16:15but she tends to complain about me behind my back.
16:17You know, she just wants so much attention.
16:19I just had sex with her seven months ago.
16:21What else does she want?
16:22That's great, Jonathan.
16:24Just great.
16:25Pitting Oliver against me?
16:26It's not like you weren't doing the same thing.
16:28I think it's time that we got some time with Oliver.
16:31Oliver, what do you want to do, buddy?
16:34I'm kind of hungry.
16:35Oh, great, okay.
16:36Why don't you come and eat with me?
16:38My Don't Put That In Your Mouth app
16:39just alerted me to a brand-new diet
16:41where you receive all of your nutrients
16:43through air and sunlight.
16:45It works something like this.
16:46Here we go.
16:47Ah!
16:49Okay, you know what?
16:50Me and Oliver are gonna brew some beers.
16:53What is wrong with you?
16:54He is just a child.
16:55Do you know how much gluten there is in beer?
16:58Oh, I am so sorry, Fefanie,
16:59that we're not feeding him rainbows and sunshine.
17:02Or is that not okay with your app?
17:03I-I...
17:04No, guys, stop it!
17:05Stop it, stop it, stop it!
17:06We shouldn't fight like this in front of the child!
17:09You're gonna be okay.
17:10It's okay.
17:11You're okay.
17:12You're okay.
17:14Can we watch some TV?
17:15Of course.
17:16Ha, of course.
17:17You know what?
17:18This is a great time to introduce you
17:20to some prestige television.
17:22Yes, you're gonna love it.
17:24This is what we call prestige television.
17:27You are going to love this.
17:29Ah!
17:30Ah!
17:31Uh...
17:32Uh...
17:37Uh...
17:38Uh...
17:39Uh...
17:40Uh...
17:41Uh...
17:42Uh...
17:43Uh...
17:44Uh...
17:45Uh...
17:46Uh...
17:47Uh...
17:51Yo, why have we gotta be waiting out on these corners?
17:54I hear above the line
17:55they've got texting services for schnutzies.
17:58They don't need no coppin' zone!
18:00Man, that's bullshit!
18:01What if the waters be tapping your phone?
18:03Use codes and shit.
18:04Your head too full of dreams.
18:06Gonna get you dead one day.
18:07Maybe, but not today.
18:09Foo.
18:10Spectre's coming!
18:12Run!
18:13Ah!
18:14Ah!
18:15Ah!
18:16Ah!
18:17Ah!
18:18Ah!
18:19Ah!
18:20Ah!
18:21Ah!
18:22Oh, incredible.
18:24To see your experience captured like that.
18:27Can't believe you have to live through that every single day.
18:30So what'd you think?
18:31Realer than reality, right?
18:32Except for the dragons.
18:33We know the dragons are just a metaphor for poverty.
18:35There's no actual dragons below the line.
18:37I didn't watch it.
18:38Oh, you know what?
18:39It really picks up after season seven,
18:40so you just gotta tear through the first 300 episodes.
18:42Okay.
18:43Well, I have to go.
18:44My dad's gonna pick me up soon.
18:45I have to get home and do my homework.
18:47What?
18:48Are we not good enough for you?
18:49After all we did?
18:50Not even a thank you?
18:51You know what?
18:52If it wasn't for you and Lulia
18:53arguing in front of him the whole time,
18:55he wouldn't be running away right now.
18:56Oh, like you and Fefany's relationship is just so good.
18:59Excuse me, what are you insinuating?
19:01Fefany, you're clearly starving your feelings
19:04and not addressing any of the underlying emptiness
19:07that pervades your existence.
19:08And it's like, Barsley,
19:09do you literally have any other personality trait
19:11other than that cantaloupe?
19:13What?
19:14Yes, I have these glasses.
19:15Okay, you know what?
19:16Glasses aren't a trait.
19:17I'm the last one.
19:18Thanks.
19:27Thanks.
19:28Thanks for driving.
19:29Boom!
19:30There's our van.
19:36Now there's just one thing left to do.
19:38Get my son back.
19:39Bring these van thieves to justice.
19:41We're gonna need an infill plan.
19:42Dad, you flank the place.
19:44Inverted wedge formation.
19:45Wait for my signal before you commit.
19:47Wait for my signal.
19:48Jeff, you're gonna take the back.
19:50Triple I formation.
19:51Watch your six.
19:52Keep your eyes on your six.
19:53Keep your eyes on your six.
19:54These van thieves are ruthless, Jeff.
19:56Sure, I did not mean that at all.
19:59Hey, Ashley.
20:00Oliver?
20:01Come on, come on, come on, come on.
20:03Come on, come on, come on, come on.
20:09Freeze, you van-stealing sickos!
20:13No!
20:16Oh, my God, no!
20:19Who am I?
20:21Oh, God, please.
20:24Oh, no.
20:28Get it in there.
20:29Get it in there.
20:31Come on.
20:32Officers, cuff him.
20:37You four are under arrest for stealing a van.
20:40And kidnapping.
20:42Right.
20:46You have the right to remain silent.
20:47Anything you say or do will be uploaded to the cloud.
20:50You have the right to an attorney app.
20:52Okay, we didn't kidnap him.
20:53We were sponsoring him.
20:55They don't need to go to jail, do they?
20:57They didn't hurt me or anything.
20:59They stole the van, kid.
21:01This is what happens when you do that.
21:03I would know.
21:05My dad was a delivery driver.
21:07Wish we could spend more time together,
21:09but there's probably another van getting stolen somewhere.
21:13Yeah, we're all set.
21:14Do you ever want to hang out or something, get a beer?
21:16No, we're all set. Thank you.
21:17Good luck, Dad.
21:18Yeah, appreciate it.
21:20You okay, Oliver?
21:22Yeah, I'm good, Dad.
21:24It was fun, and I learned a lot.
21:27Did you know they eat sunshine above the line?
21:30I did not,
21:32but I bet sunshine doesn't taste as good as ice cream.
21:34So good, forget the times that it was no good
21:37I never felt like that
21:41Shit, the whole thing's broken.
21:56I think I was transferring my feelings
21:59towards my absent father onto Jonathan.
22:02Oliver offered me a chance to finally break that pattern.
22:05It's good, it's really, really good
22:09If you haven't tried it, then you should
22:16Hello, Parsley.
22:18You've been a bad boy, but we're here to sponsor you.
22:21It's a new adopt-a-prisoner program.
22:23We brought you a cantaloupe.
22:25It's organic.
22:26Yum, yum.
22:28When a child says Mommy, I'm hungry
22:34And you know that you want to do good
22:42Do you just walk away
22:46Cause you're busy today
22:50Do you just walk away
22:53Cause you're busy today
22:57Sending credits makes you feel so good