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FunTranscript
00:00My Outro For My 20th Birthday
00:30I thought you asked for a games console?
00:37Mum and Dad said this would make me more mature and responsible.
00:41What have you called it?
00:43Iron Man 3.
00:45Hey, good looking animal. Can you make him do tricks?
00:49Oh, well, he's not really that type of dog.
00:51I was asking the dog.
00:52Nice one, Dad.
00:54Hey, come on.
00:55There you go, don't forget your shades.
00:58So, I was thinking we could maybe take him out for a walk.
01:06What's his attack word?
01:08What?
01:09All dogs have an attack word. They hear it and go straight for the throat.
01:13He doesn't have an attack word.
01:15Yeah, he just hasn't found it yet.
01:17Action!
01:18Vamos!
01:20Unleash!
01:21Banzai!
01:24Oh, but whatever you do, don't make chicken noises at him.
01:27Why not?
01:28Well, he used to live on a chicken farm and whenever he hears chicken noises, he goes nuts.
01:41Excellent!
01:46Fantastic, I'll see you in about an hour.
01:48Thank you, bye.
01:51How's about that? Fully booked, not bad for midweek, eh?
01:54No need to thank me.
01:56Why would I thank you? I took the booking.
01:58No, I booked the final room this morning. It's on the spreadsheet.
02:01But the bookings go in the book, Kevin. That's why they're called bookings, not spreadsheetings.
02:05Dad!
02:06What's the point in having an elaborate electronic system?
02:08Good question, what is the point?
02:09Mum!
02:10So we don't have double bookings.
02:11Mum!
02:12Well, you're going to have to bring yours back.
02:14Well, it seems a shame to turn away business, don't you think?
02:17Well, what are you thinking?
02:18Maybe, maybe there's a way to create an extra room.
02:28Hannah, have I gone invisible?
02:38That's right, sir. For just 50p, your child can have five minutes on our dog-powered roundabout.
02:43Allow me to demonstrate.
02:45Ben, he's our dog handler.
02:49Er, yeah. I give the word.
02:52The dog will run in circles, pulling Charlie, and therefore pulling the roundabout.
02:57Well, go on, show them.
03:00Okay.
03:01Erm...
03:02Come on, Iron Man 3. Walk on, walk on, boy.
03:05Go, go.
03:06Walkies, walkies. Trot, trot.
03:09Hup, hup, hup.
03:13Wait! Don't go. It'll move once you make chicken noises. Watch.
03:17Vargo, the chicken noises!
03:22Charlie and Louis' room. We could give that to a guest.
03:26Their room's a swamp. I wouldn't even keep a pig in there.
03:29Okay, well, that only leaves...
03:37Hannah, sweetheart.
03:39No way.
03:41You don't know what I'm going to say yet.
03:42Okay, let me take a guess.
03:44Hannah, we're going to kick you out of your room so a guest can stay there.
03:47Well, it's only for two nights. You can share with your brothers.
03:51I just said their room's a swamp.
03:53It's not that bad.
03:54It is.
03:55Dad, you just agreed with me.
03:57Well, let's not get involved with who said who to whom and what, you know.
04:01I'm not sharing with the boys. Their room stinks of compost.
04:04Well, it's tough, I'm afraid, cos I've decided.
04:06There you go. Nice and democratic.
04:09Are you going to move your stuff, then?
04:11No.
04:12Fine, I'll do it for you.
04:15Are you trying to make me run away from home?
04:17I mean, is that what you want?
04:23Okay, I definitely am invisible.
04:25Okay, I definitely am invisible.
04:56Ooh!
05:08This isn't the usual place.
05:10I'm banned from all the other ones for sticking my hand up the penny waterfalls.
05:14This is the only arcade where they don't know me.
05:18Uh-oh. Problem.
05:21No dogs allowed.
05:22Just tie it up here.
05:24I'm not going to leave him.
05:25What's he going to do, tell your mum?
05:28Look, I'm not leaving him here.
05:30If you want to tie him up, you'll have to tie me up as well.
05:33Okay.
05:34No-one needs to be tied up.
05:36We'll take him in with us.
05:38But the sign.
05:39What about the sign? Dogs can't read.
05:50You cause a diversion, I'll sneak him in by the meerkat.
05:52Thanks, Roger.
05:57Can you trade this into two piece, please?
06:01This is Japanese yen.
06:02Yeah, it's 150 to the pound at the moment.
06:14Shh!
06:23See? Easy.
06:25What if there's a security camera under there?
06:28Will you relax?
06:29If I went to Japan and gave them English money, they'd change it.
06:33Look, I'm sorry, I'm not taking it.
06:35No, go on.
06:38Oi! You and the dog!
06:40Ouch! Oops.
06:42Yeah, that's right, I'm talking to you two.
06:44Can't you read?
06:46Oh.
06:48Oh.
06:49I'm really, really sorry.
06:52I just didn't realise.
06:54Realise what?
06:56That you're blind.
06:58I'm sorry, you must have made a mistake.
07:01Blind!
07:02That's right, I'm blind and that's my guide dog.
07:06He's beautiful.
07:08Is he?
07:09How long have you had him?
07:11Eight years, ever since I was a little boy.
07:13And what's his name?
07:15Iron Man 3.
07:17Right, well, I'm so sorry to have disturbed your game.
07:21Ended my game, actually.
07:23Yeah, erm, let me make it up to you.
07:28I can't believe you pretended to be blind.
07:31I didn't pretend anything, she assumed it.
07:34Then you pretended.
07:35Because I didn't want to embarrass her.
07:37I was being a gentleman.
07:39Come on, let's go.
07:41Free drinks and snacks for you and your friends.
07:43My way of apology.
07:47Thanks, but we really have to be going.
07:52No, we haven't.
07:54Come on, Ben, stay for a bit.
07:56It's only polite.
08:03It's only for two days.
08:08Oh, hello, love.
08:10I thought you'd already gone.
08:12What are you doing?
08:13Me? No, nothing, nothing.
08:15Just taking that sign down and putting that one up.
08:18I will never forgive you for this.
08:20It could have been a lot worse.
08:21This place was nearly called the Horse Chestnut Room.
08:23I just thought that sounded a bit weird.
08:25Not the name.
08:26Mrs Bolton, we've got a lovely room for you.
08:29Lots of character.
08:31Just through here is the guest lounge.
08:33We serve breakfast in here.
08:41You're very good at this game, aren't you?
08:43I always thought it was a myth.
08:45Oh, sorry, Charlie, I've put you off again.
08:47It's all right, it's just I rely on sound to play the game.
08:51Here, let's get a quick pic.
08:56Erm, Charlie, I think it's time we were going.
09:00Yeah, you're right.
09:02Thanks for the snacks.
09:03You're welcome.
09:04And please do come back any time.
09:07Alison?
09:09I just had one more token.
09:14Oh, no.
09:26It's OK.
09:27I'll just find my own way out.
09:29Don't be ridiculous.
09:30Stay here with me until they get back.
09:37This is disgusting.
09:39I think I'd rather be homeless.
09:42An electric razor?
09:45He's ten.
09:46Why has he even got a razor?
09:48That's to shave our heads.
09:50For when the sea monsters come.
09:53Oh, it's me, Louie.
09:55I'm standing over here on my bed.
09:59You're a deeply strange person.
10:02Do you see the mattress moving?
10:05That's me.
10:07I'm doing it.
10:09There's no need to be afraid of me.
10:11I'm pretty sure there is.
10:18Does he run away like this often?
10:21Quite often.
10:22He's a rubbish guide dog, but I can't afford a proper one.
10:25You know, with the recession and the cuts.
10:28That's awful.
10:29Anyway, looks like they're not coming back.
10:31You can't go off alone.
10:32Here, let me ring your parents.
10:34You can't do that.
10:35Why not?
10:38Because, sadly, I don't have any parents.
10:42And you can't ring the orphanage because they don't care.
10:48Alison!
10:49I mean, is that Alison?
10:52Where's the dog?
10:54It ran into the sea and tried to eat a canoe.
10:59Oh, well, never mind.
11:02Come on, let's go, Alison.
11:08Charlie, it's me, your brother.
11:12From now on, I'm going to ring a bell so you know where I am.
11:16OK, buddy. Whatever.
11:20Right, here's the rules.
11:22No-one speaks to me unless I ask a direct question.
11:25The window will stay open for air to circulate.
11:28And you will both remain clothed at all times.
11:32Where's the mirror?
11:34Why would I want a mirror?
11:37BELL RINGS
11:39It's Louis, by the way. Don't be afraid.
11:42Does he sleep with a bell every night?
11:44No, this is a new thing.
11:52Charlie, why is the carpet damp?
11:54Louis sprays it with vinegar. It keeps my insects off his bed.
11:58Your insects?
11:59They're mostly nocturnal, just trying to sleep with your mouth shut.
12:07BELL RINGS
12:17Apple, banana, clementine...
12:20What is he doing?
12:22That does happen every night.
12:24He alphabetises fruit to help him to sleep.
12:27But don't worry, I know where to block it out.
12:29BELL RINGS
12:32Juniper?
12:33I cannot exist like this anymore.
12:35Concord?
12:36No.
12:42So, I did the maths,
12:44and if we hired out Hannah's room on a regular basis...
12:50..then in six months' time, we'd have enough money to buy a car.
12:55CLATTERING
12:59Charlie.
13:01Do you like sharing with your sister? Is it fun?
13:04It's like sharing with an angry hippo.
13:06Come on, it can't be that bad.
13:09That was the worst night of my life.
13:11OK, we'll come back to this.
13:17Will you please stop humming?
13:19I'm not humming.
13:21That means I've got it in my head.
13:23Get used to it. Mum and Dad want you to move in full-time.
13:27Never.
13:29This has gone far enough.
13:31Hi.
13:34Still alive, then?
13:36I thought you'd have died of shame like I nearly did.
13:39Where's the dog?
13:40A motorbike came down our street today and it got knocked over.
13:44I am on three.
13:45Oh, no, I mean the bike got knocked over by the dog.
13:49He's a lunatic.
13:51So, my mum swapped it for a gerbil.
13:53Maybe we shouldn't go back to that arcade for a while.
13:56Maybe. Maybe we shouldn't go back.
13:58Charlie, we can never go back there as long as we live.
14:01It's on the list.
14:03The art gallery, the chip shop, the aquarium.
14:06OK, I'll lie low for a bit.
14:08I've got chores to do anyway.
14:10The pet shop, the butchers...
14:13..and the crematorium.
14:16Mrs Bolton, there's been a mistake.
14:19You're trespassing in my room.
14:22So kindly shift your...
14:24Oh!
14:26Hello.
14:27Er, who are you?
14:29Sam. This is my room, obviously.
14:31Well, I'm Hannah, but actually...
14:33How long are you here for?
14:35What?
14:36I'm here one more night, but I wish I was leaving sooner.
14:39Well, me too.
14:40Is it Mira, the family that run it, a bit weird?
14:43No, they're definitely weird.
14:45Hannah, don't forget to put the bins out!
14:49Like, why would you ask one of your guests that?
14:52Total freak.
14:54Yeah. Yeah, and the place is a dump.
14:57Oh, tell me about it.
14:59No style, no taste.
15:01I'm so glad I don't have to live here all the time.
15:03You're allowed to see my room.
15:05Seriously, come and look. It's hilarious.
15:09Can you believe this?
15:11Can you believe this?
15:13It's like a six-year-old girl's room.
15:15Yeah, maybe a bit older than six.
15:18That would explain the posters.
15:20Yeah, that's really tacky.
15:22Like hitting in a teapot.
15:24And look at these stickers. Fairies!
15:27Well, they look like old stickers,
15:29and they can be hard to scratch off.
15:31You're not telling me this is a room
15:33where a normal person would live, are you?
15:35No. You're right.
15:37Only a total loser could live in a place like this.
15:42Bye, then. Bye.
15:47That was humiliating.
15:53Charlie?
15:55Judith?
15:57I mean...
15:59Judith? Is that you?
16:02I can smell your perfume.
16:04Yes, Charlie, it's me. What are you doing here?
16:06I'm going to every building in town
16:08to raise money to get you a decent guide dog.
16:10I don't need a decent guide dog.
16:12I like the one I've got.
16:14But, Charlie, Iron Man 3 tried to eat a canoe.
16:16Yeah, just one canoe.
16:20Anyway, what are you doing in a bed and breakfast?
16:22I thought you lived in an orphanage.
16:24I do. I'm here because...
16:26cos I work here.
16:30Lily? Is that you?
16:32Where are you?
16:34I'm here. I'm standing right next to you.
16:36He rings a bell so I know where he is.
16:38You can go now, Lily.
16:40I'm talking to this lady.
16:42Why is the lady crying?
16:44I'm sorry. It's just...
16:46You're so brave.
16:48Anyway, you'd better go now.
16:50The people I work for don't like me wasting time
16:52and I should be working.
16:54Oh, that's awful.
16:56Charlie, who are you talking to? You're supposed to be polishing.
16:58That's my boss. You'd better go.
17:00Hello. Can I help you?
17:02Yes. I very much hope you can.
17:04I'm raising money
17:06for a much-needed guide dog
17:08for a very deserving young man
17:10and I was just hoping...
17:12Not interested. Sorry.
17:14Thanks very much.
17:16Bye.
17:20Don't give up hope, Charlie.
17:22I won't give up on you.
17:24Some of us care.
17:28What was that about?
17:30Don't ask me.
17:32I am asking you, Charlie.
17:34How did that woman know your name
17:36and what does she mean, some of us care?
17:38OK.
17:40I'll tell you. The thing is
17:42she's raising money for a boy
17:44who she thinks needs a guide dog.
17:46What's that got to do with you?
17:48I inspired her.
17:50Oh, is that right?
17:52Well, inspire yourself
17:54to clean the family room.
17:58If anyone asks, I'm not part of this family.
18:00Fine by me.
18:02But that might be a problem.
18:06Oh, no.
18:08Hello.
18:30Yes.
18:32Hi, Hannah.
18:34That's your room, is it?
18:36Obviously. Why else would you be in there?
18:38Yeah, it's my room.
18:40It's a dump.
18:42Can I see?
18:44Er, what?
18:46I showed you my scabby room.
18:48Can I see yours?
18:54Yours is OK compared to mine.
18:56Not really.
18:58If you look at that lighthouse
19:00and these bed sheets...
19:02Erm, is this your wig?
19:04Yeah.
19:06Sometimes wear it.
19:08Just for a laugh.
19:10Is that a wig?
19:12No.
19:18Found a fan on the pavement.
19:22Do you wear them for a laugh too?
19:24No.
19:30Look,
19:32can I have some privacy, please?
19:34This is my room.
19:36I can never talk to that boy
19:38again.
19:40So let me get this straight.
19:42You've helped start a campaign
19:44to raise money for a guide dog?
19:46Yeah.
19:48You, Charlie, my son?
19:50Yeah, like I told you.
19:52I think it's fantastic.
19:54Will you believe all this?
19:56No, it's true.
19:58It's absolutely covered in posters all about it.
20:00Oh, no.
20:02Yes, they're doing a 5K fun run
20:04along the beach.
20:06Got some leaflets, gonna put them in the display rack.
20:08And who is this blind boy?
20:10No one you know?
20:12Yeah, no, I wasn't that interested, if I'm honest.
20:14But now I know how Charlie's behind it,
20:16well, that is a different matter.
20:18Hey, I'll tell you what.
20:20Why don't I volunteer to help you on the beach run?
20:22Oh, Dad, no need.
20:24He's so modest, isn't he?
20:26You should be very proud of yourself.
20:28I feel a bit sick.
20:30Oh. By the way, love,
20:32what are you doing with the picture?
20:34What picture?
20:38Here.
20:40Family portrait?
20:42Well, I haven't moved it.
20:44Well, somebody has.
20:46That's weird. You don't think one of the guests
20:48has taken it, do you?
20:50No, I mean, I've known them steal towels or light bulbs
20:52in the toilet seat that one time, remember?
20:54Not now, Louie.
20:56Don't be afraid. It's me, Louie.
20:58No.
21:00I can use my powers to find the thief for you.
21:02She's lovely.
21:04They wouldn't take it.
21:06I'm going.
21:08I'm going.
21:10It all adds up.
21:12Well, are you going to go in and look for it?
21:14No.
21:18What are you doing here?
21:20It's only half seven.
21:22All right.
21:24I thought you hated it here.
21:26I thought you were taking your own room back.
21:28Change of plan.
21:30I'm not leaving this room till that boy checks out.
21:32Bad things happen outside that door.
21:34I know the feeling.
21:48Well, I hope you're ashamed of yourself.
21:50What have I done wrong?
21:52Guide dogs are a good cause.
21:54Guide dogs for blind people are a good cause.
21:56Guide dogs for kids who can see perfectly well
21:58and tell lies.
22:00Not so impressive.
22:02So what can I do?
22:04Dig a trench on the beach.
22:06Cover it with bracken.
22:08They'll fall right in.
22:10And how's that supposed to help?
22:12No more thumb run.
22:14Yeah, you're right. Thanks, Alison.
22:16You can just tell the truth.
22:18Tell Judith that you're not blind.
22:20Are you mad?
22:22It's either that or tell more lies.
22:24Yeah.
22:26You're right.
22:28Thanks, Ben.
22:30That's good advice.
22:32Are you going to tell her the truth?
22:34No. The other bit you said.
22:36More lies.
22:38I should have thought of it myself.
22:44Thank you very much.
22:46We'll see you again soon.
22:50I haven't found the picture yet, Mum.
22:52But I will.
22:54Have you got everything?
22:56Good.
23:16Yeah!
23:22Get out of my bedroom.
23:24You can see me.
23:26I'm cured. Thank you, Mrs Riley.
23:30Is everything OK? What are you doing in here?
23:32You can see me too.
23:34I'm so sorry, Mrs Riley. It doesn't usually behave like this.
23:36I found the picture.
23:38Mrs Riley stole it.
23:40Will you stop making up stories about our guests?
23:42I'm so sorry.
23:46Of course.
23:58Charlie!
24:00Judith! Good news.
24:02I put posters up all over town.
24:04I know. A millionaire saw them and saw I needed a new dog.
24:06So he's getting me one.
24:08Top of the range.
24:10German.
24:12So, thanks to you, I don't need to raise money for me anymore.
24:16That's wonderful news.
24:18So you can take down all the posters and cancel the fun run?
24:20Well, it's too late for that now.
24:22They'll be setting off in five minutes.
24:24It's OK, though.
24:26We'll give the money to a guide dog charity.
24:28Brilliant. So we've done something good after all.
24:30Well, it's all thanks to you.
24:32Oh, wait there a moment. I've got something for you.
24:34How about that?
24:36Just by telling a few lies,
24:38turns out I've really helped a charity.
24:40Yeah, but...
24:42And to think, you didn't want me to do it.
24:44You know what?
24:46I'm going to give a 10p of my own money.
24:48Makes me feel warm inside.
24:52I had special T-shirts made up for all the fun runners.
24:54Special T-shirts?
24:56Well, the run's in your honour.
24:58So...
25:04Oh, sorry, I should be describing it.
25:06Basically, it's a big picture of your face.
25:08And then at the bottom,
25:10it's got jog for a dog and a couple of green paws.
25:12Charlie?
25:14Charlie!
25:18It has, er...
25:20good days and
25:22bad days.
25:30Hannah, hi.
25:32I thought you were gone.
25:34Just about to. We're loading the car now.
25:36Yeah. I'm just about to leave, too.
25:38That's my bag.
25:40Er, it's not.
25:42That's my bag.
25:44That's what I came back for.
25:46Your bag.
25:48Right, that's what I meant.
25:50Anyway, can't wait to get out of this dump.
25:52Yeah, me too.
25:54I mean, the place is horrible
25:56and the food is disgusting.
25:58And don't you think the family's a bit weird?
26:00Yeah.
26:02Yeah, they are weird.
26:04I'm never coming back here, like, ever again.
26:06Ever.
26:10Ever.
26:14They've even got a picture of me on their wall.
26:18Why would you do that?
26:20You live here, then?
26:22Yes. Yes, I do.
26:24Bye, Hannah.
26:26Bye. Some people like kittens in teapots.
26:30Look on the bright side, love.
26:32He did say he was never coming back.
26:40VASA, I'm on front.
26:42How you doing?
26:44Are you a Github or a Wietor?
26:46Well, that's weird.
26:48Why have you got a picture of my son on your T-shirt?
26:50Your son? It can't be our son, mate.
26:52He's an orphan.
26:54No, I'm telling you, that is definitely my son.
27:00You mean that boy running towards us?
27:02Yeah.
27:04He doesn't look blind.
27:06Blind?
27:08He's not blind.
27:12Charlie!
27:16Charlie!
27:18Can you get yourself back here?
27:20Sorry, Dad. I can't hear you.
27:22How can this be right?
27:24Clean out all the dog poo in the entire park?
27:26And for what?
27:28For trying to help blind people?
27:30What kind of lesson is that for a child?
27:32It's a travesty of justice.
27:46I'm sorry, Dad.
27:48I can't hear you.
27:50I can't hear you.
27:52I can't hear you.
27:54I can't hear you.
27:56I can't hear you.
27:58I can't hear you.
28:00I can't hear you.
28:02I can't hear you.
28:04I can't hear you.
28:06I can't hear you.
28:08I can't hear you.
28:10I can't hear you.
28:12I can't hear you.
28:14I can't hear you.
28:16I can't hear you.