Doof Goes Straight... Or Does He?
as in suck dick
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Oh my god, I just found out they're gonna legalize gays.
00:12Shut up, bitch.
00:13I don't have to listen to you.
00:14Did you know that clock was made by slave labor?
00:17Pretty crazy, huh, Zack?
00:20Kevin is a bite.
00:21You are just a shattering animal.
00:24White hoes be into weird shit, am I right, Milo?
00:26This is why I'd never date one of them snow bunnies.
00:29I'd maybe smash their heads in the chat.
00:35This faggot liberal sissy billionaire bought the clock and he said that if the clock stops
00:40working he's gonna turn it into the drag queen transgender child.
00:49Good joke, Palacky.
01:00Oh boy, there's a dildo on your seat.
01:04Don't try to move now.
01:05It's wet.
01:06It's deep.
01:07Make your monograms.
01:08It's time for me to take it all, cause I'm ready.
01:12Harry, Doofenshmirtz has decided to become good.
01:15Unfortunately, that means the dichotomy of you being good and him being evil will be
01:18messed up and I can't handle that.
01:21We need you to kill and fire on as many civilians as possible.
01:25Hopefully so Doof gets blamed and if not, you're just gonna have to kill Doof.
01:30Oh, uh, what up, Perry?
01:35Listen, my plan, you see, I figured, you know, since I'm good now, cause I realize that the
01:41good guys are actually the ones who get hosed, not the bad guys anymore, you know, it kinda
01:44fuckin' changed up, you know?
01:46I was shocked by that, but listen, my plan is, you better see criminals.
01:52People who steal your wallet or rape you or like, beat you with a stick.
01:55And I ain't talking about no police, I'm talking about the criminals.
01:58So I've created a device that will take all criminals out the street, trained solely on
02:02the FBI's crime statistics list, because that is unbiased and just true.
02:07It will snatch any criminal off the streets.
02:09If they all happen to be black, that's just because of the statistics.
02:12FACTS DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS!
02:23Alright, Zack, since you've agreed to help me fix the clock and you have paid me over
02:26the course of 12 months $85,000 and sold me your dad's boat, I will throw it back for
02:32a couple seconds.
02:33But, but, where's that we gotta buy?
02:36I- I-
02:37This is Danville's first and only member of the Super Dick-Ridin' Clock Society.
02:43They dedicate their entire life to looking at clocks.
02:46Never started as fuck, but I- This is, uh, Matthias Sickerson, the-
02:53Matthias Sickerson?
02:56I didn't know you could, yeah, but mind your tone, little white boy, before I blast you
03:00with my heat.
03:01Anyway, so listen, offer me some newports and I'll do anything for newports, so I'm
03:05doing this.
03:08Low-key, I don't even know what the fuck a clock is.
03:11Is that like, uh, the thing on the wall that tells you the time?
03:13Motherfucker, we got a phone!
03:15We literally have a digital phone.
03:17Why the hell you need some gay-ass white boy clock?
03:20Anyway, I'm only here for newports and Arizonaites!
03:26I don't get it, who'd buy a historic American landmark and turn it into a woke transgender
03:31162-
03:42Oh, don't play with my love unless you planning on getting shot, bitch, that's me!
03:51Man, he's simple as Melissa's cock.
03:55You see, from day one, I can't get any cock.
03:59All my play, as you see, is that they contain servers where the only one is me.
04:08I go off with women, I have no reason to!
04:12When the news people, they told me at the mall.
04:16They rate me and they don't bring in a deal on my money.
04:20I wonder what more they're hating is the anti-op contender!
04:25All of all the blackies have deceived me.
04:28Take that!
04:29All of them must be done!
04:31Especially those dressed in red who move the floors.
04:35I am a cripple, dead tall and thin.
04:39Victor Ramirez, without problem, unblemished.
04:43I'm sick a lot, but not enough, you see.
04:47My gut is hot, not as much as she.
04:50Victor, your cock is too mean!
04:52To release the love, so it is true.
04:55I know how to do using it.
05:00So I'm not just a lyricist and singer.
05:04My rap will make any...
05:08GAMER TRIGGER!
05:10Shut up, I'm kicking from this mic.
05:13Mic.
05:14Mic.
05:15The police are so cool.
05:17I can't believe this show isn't cool.
05:20The hair's so cool, I'd kill them.
05:23What's this?
05:24Why is it so loud?
05:25I was like, that's just me!
05:27Before I even checked, I didn't hear anything.
05:30I was like, not doing shit.
05:31I got my chain smoking.
05:34They told me,
05:36Don't, they said.
05:37You'll get worried and chafed.
05:38And I said, told you, you should go.
05:39Now I've been making deals where a chain shouldn't work.
05:42No more deals.
05:43We need to bring back slavery.
05:45I was kidding, you see.
05:47I believe in all.
05:52So I hear it.
05:54Most players swear.
05:57Victor Ramirez got more sex.
06:00All we live in is a society.
06:03Women won't like it.
06:04That's for sure.
06:05There is portrayal.
06:07While I can go from none to fat.
06:10In case I'll
06:14be the one to grab
06:16the loser
06:17and sit him up
06:18at the palisade.
06:21Not hiding or anything.
06:22I'm really, really nice.
06:24No one's stupid to know me.
06:26I'm the best
06:27guys.
06:28Yeah.
06:34Once Milo was masturbating to the woman
06:36in the bikini on the GTA loading screen
06:38and it accidentally changed to the dude's shirtless
06:40and Milo pussed and he got so mad
06:42he began punching all over the wall.
06:44Listen, guys.
06:45Send me on for a second.
06:46That shirtless dude was kinda hot.
06:48Okay.
06:51Milo's low-key really gay for being that.
06:53But listen, Melissa.
06:54I don't really care about the clock
06:56and I ain't getting paid
06:59and I ain't getting laid
07:01and I'm about to leave
07:03in my Lamborghini
07:05to my mansion
07:06with all my hoes.
07:07This is for Nonchalant's Redhead, by the way.
07:09So if you wanna come
07:10and give me some hock too
07:12or even better
07:13give me some hock crew
07:15and shit on my chest
07:17then I'll be very thankful.
07:18But if not
07:19I'm leaving the clock
07:21and you are leaving
07:22the vicinity of my cock.
07:25Just really big.
07:26I can spread that pussy
07:28and Milo over there
07:30only knows how to spread open sandwiches
07:32and Zack
07:33spreads open watermelon.
07:35I'm still black though, right, Zack?
07:37Invite to the cookout?
07:44Wait.
07:45You said you're gonna spread that pussy?
07:46Dude, we don't wanna see
07:47your old, crusty, puss-filled neo-pussy.
07:50Dude, that's nasty.
07:52And did you just say I eat watermelon?
07:54And did you just say
07:55one of your hoes is a 6'4 Nonchalant Redhead, bro?
07:57How fucking gay are you, bro?
07:59Quit talking like you ain't
08:00double-throbbing Big Robbins
08:01at the Red Robin, okay, bud?
08:03Stop peaking with the disgusting
08:04ghetto black he speaks.
08:07If you wanna even be near me
08:08you'll just peak in a ton
08:09of the pure white.
08:11Uh.
08:12I love clocks
08:13and Melissa suck her cock.
08:15I got a big mansion
08:16it needs all the locks.
08:18I pull up in the 4'4
08:19and skirt on the drive.
08:21I fuck Melissa
08:22and then I left her
08:23the next night.
08:26Yeah, rap seriously.
08:28I be getting so much money
08:30they say I'm LeBank.
08:31Melissa grabbed my dick
08:33and she gave it a wank.
08:34And then I skirt, skirt, skirt
08:36in the Maserati.
08:37And then I pull up in the Rari
08:39with all my hoppies.
08:40And I shoot at the hoppies
08:41because we don't fuck with the coppies.
08:43I don't fuck with the hood.
08:48I went back to her.
08:49Melissa gave me that hard to do her.
08:51It was so good.
08:53She got me.
08:54She got Zack into her.
08:55Final kiss.
08:56We get a hard to her.
08:57The dude gave me the hard to.
08:59I be playing all these games
09:01the kids think they're young brothers.
09:03White kids trying to add light
09:04ain't know what we struggling with.
09:06I see the hoard in all the ways
09:07my black brothers
09:08not presented in the media.
09:09It's cause my white man
09:10puts up institutions to stop us.
09:12I pull up in my block
09:13and I shoot at all the hoppies.
09:15Milo, you ain't white.
09:17You chocolate.
09:18Huh.
09:19I be playing all these calls
09:20like this traveler or something.
09:22I'll be fucking all these hoes
09:23like they are
09:26the chicken nuggets or something.
09:28How long, Zerd?
09:29Because he's worth.
09:30My brothers in the fields
09:31don't want to follow this track.
09:34Uh, uh.
09:35She's up my dick on the toilet
09:36and she give me a blumpkin
09:38and then I kill her after her.
09:39Me and Norm go straight to munting.
09:41We be playing with them hoes
09:43like they Xbox games.
09:45I got that scar to go.
09:46Uh, youngster.
09:47I pull up the game
09:48and they act like damn,
09:49how we got all the money?
09:50I got a skirt of yo-yo-yo.
09:51I pull up in the game, yeah.
09:52Pull up with all this shit
09:53and I hollow it out
09:54I'm about to let it out.
09:55All right.
09:56She tellin' how my dick's so good
09:57and she pull it in
09:58just like a clarinetti.
09:59Spitty.
10:00I got more hoes.
10:01I got fetty.
10:02I should send you more like spaghetti.
10:03I am so good.
10:04I am ready.
10:13Huck to and spit on that thing.
10:16Bye, bye, father got hucked.
10:19Bye.
10:20Bye, bye, father got hucked.
10:22I can't believe you agreed
10:23to give my poofin' D the huck too.
10:25All right.
10:26Here we go.
10:27Here is the rights to my building
10:28of doof evil industries.
10:40Got these rusted, busted, and jizzed
10:42down parts for one Matthias Sickerson.
10:45Also, 4,000 new courts
10:47and 14 issues of
10:49prepubescent Playboy magazine.
10:51Mmm.
10:53Psych!
10:54I'm an undercover officer.
10:55We are chicken who order pedophiles
10:56while mentioning
10:57prepubescent Playboy magazine
10:58doing it a year ago in jail.
11:00And you go into the showers
11:01and I'm gonna go to jail
11:02so I can break you in the showers.
11:04What do you think of that?
11:05Mm-hmm.
11:06Mm-hmm.
11:07Oh, I can feel it.
11:08I can feel it.
11:09Well, guess what?
11:10I'm actually an undercover cop
11:11trying to catch the rapist cop
11:12who's still on the streets.
11:14And that's you.
11:15You're the one who's been
11:16a problem all along.
11:17I'm a bad boy
11:18sitting by a shaft
11:19and you're a real pussy.
11:25Ha!
11:26Caught your suspicion.
11:27I'm the cop
11:28who catches that cop
11:29who pretends to be the cop
11:30to catch the rapist
11:31just so he can rape them.
11:32I'm one level above you, bro.
11:34You're going to the slammer
11:35and I'm not into you at all
11:36because I'm into women!
11:38Girls!
11:39Broads!
11:40Girls with vaginas and...
11:53Yes!
11:54Yes!
11:55Yes!
11:56Yes!
11:57Yes!
11:58Yes!
11:59No!
12:00No!
12:01No!
12:02Uh, yeah,
12:03I stuck my dick in there.
12:04I wanted to see
12:05what it would look like
12:06to fuck C-3PO.
12:07And, uh, yo,
12:08it was pretty cool.
12:09Melissa,
12:10you are a small hole
12:11because you have no gat
12:13and no...
12:14uh, chest fat.
12:15Otherwise known as
12:16BRASS!
12:17If only there was a way
12:18to expose all trainees
12:19and faggots
12:20in the ultimate YouTube...
12:39Damn.
12:42Bill!
12:43Why did you fire upon
12:44innocent civilians?!
12:45You killed 13 babies!
12:48LIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM!
12:49What is wrong with you?!
12:52Well, luckily,
12:53I have my clock fixinator
12:54that solves
12:55all of our problems
12:56right now.
13:06I'm one easy fuck,
13:08I'm a freak, man, like...