the best band, they got dudes wife
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00:00So you really don't know what day it is?
00:03Is it the day I realized I could smell that stank from your acid-aids turning me on?
00:09It's more than just another Thursday, Lawrence.
00:12Wait, I know!
00:13It's the 50th anniversary of my first tapped Candace.
00:16I'm going to be going to the 80-man glory hole now.
00:22Figure it out or you're going to have to sleep at the dog house and eat dog kibble again!
00:28Let the bitches be wild, am I right, Phineas?
00:30Ahem.
00:31June 15th.
00:32It's your wedding anniversary!
00:33Oh, it got...
00:34Wait, wait!
00:35I can fix this!
00:36Gee, Candace, I don't think you should be walking around Lawrence dressed like that.
00:38Shut up, Phineas.
00:39Sack it.
00:40Anniversary's important.
00:41Like, think about it.
00:42Of course, we're on, currently, the eight-year anniversary of Jerry fucking me in the ass.
00:47Of course, uh, Jeremy always seemed a little more mature, but I just knew it was because
00:50his cock was so big.
00:51And of course, it's the 15th year anniversary of Lawrence sticking it in.
00:54Hey, Dad!
00:55Hey, Dad!
00:56Yeah!
00:57Oh, my God!
00:58Can we help?
00:59Unless you can find me the most expensive and amazing weepin'.
01:03What's your budget?
01:04Tell me, boys.
01:05What would you get a special woman on her anniversary?
01:08Hope.
01:09Please.
01:10Asking two boys for romantic advice?
01:12Now, that's just pathetic.
01:14Don't you and Mom have any cherished memories?
01:16Old, old, old, old, old, old.
01:18He keeps his treasured memories in a toolbox.
01:21Your mother's favorite band.
01:23Love, Henry.
01:25I got those big tickets to that big show.
01:28Oh, we were big handys.
01:30That's love handles, that.
01:31But I didn't know if she had a love handle on.
01:33A handy with your mother.
01:34She went to over 80 concerts without me.
01:37And she, uh, well, uh, let's just say, uh, uh, she was a little stretched out when she
01:42came back.
01:43It's all I'm here to say, guys.
01:44Which lucky woman will be all the suckin' and truckin' on my love handle?
01:50What?
01:55Thank you, Cog.
01:57Truly, that was an evening I will never, ever forget.
01:59Bet you did forget, didn't you?
02:01When Love Handle broke up years ago, some things can never be recaptured.
02:06That's it.
02:07I know what we're gonna do today.
02:08We're gonna make it their best anniversary ever.
02:10Hey, where's Perry?
02:12For a while, Love Handle wrote the success of fame.
02:17Despite not being incredibly popular in the mainstream, except for the 2000 albums,
02:21They would gain a cult following.
02:23However, tensions would be drawn when Danny would relapse on crack cocaine in 2007 and
02:29go to rehab.
02:31Sherman and Bobby would form the old Weisenheimer Brother Fuckers Sister Mother Child Touchers.
02:38But it would not be a very successful band.
02:40Bass player Bob You Fabulous works at the homosexual hair salon.
02:44Drummer Sherman is no librarian.
02:46Fabulous works at the homosexual hair salon.
02:49Drummer Sherman is no librarian at an erotic anime bookstore.
02:53And only Danny has stayed in the music industry.
02:55I've seen that sign.
02:56It's down on Main Street.
02:57We'll get him to sing for Mom.
02:59Ready, team?
03:00Team?
03:01I saw you jerk off Perry and finger his butthole with that hand.
03:03No.
03:04Come on, Candace.
03:05For true love.
03:09Candace, you keep Mom away from the house.
03:11We'll go get Danny.
03:12Ooh, honestly, I should probably just beat the bitch and then rape her corpse.
03:15Hey, Dad.
03:16We're going to throw a rock concert in the backyard, okay?
03:18Yes, well, be careful.
03:19Come on, Ferb.
03:21Oh, hey, Stacy.
03:22I can't talk right now.
03:23My brothers and I are reforming Love Handle for a concert in her backyard.
03:31Oh, Perry the Platypus.
03:33Quick.
03:34Could you hand me that staple gun right over there?
03:36Thank you.
03:39Listen, Perry.
03:40What I was thinking was maybe if I can't score with my daughter, you know, normally, what
03:43I should do is be super nice to her and then she'll want to suck me.
03:46So rather than, you know, locking her in her basement or locking her inside out in her
03:50basement in my bedroom for six hours until she agrees to suck my knob on every birthday
03:55and I say your present is my semen, nothing is like to her nice birthday.
03:59And then when she goes to blow out the candles, I know I'm very hot, and blow her back out.
04:06And then she'll consent to it.
04:07And all of her friends will be there and then they'll join in.
04:10And Perry, and as payment for you helping me, I'll let you score at this Muslim with
04:13any of the goth hoes.
04:15How's that sound, Perry?
04:16Perry?
04:17Yes.
04:33Danny's Music Shop.
04:34Ferb, this looks like the place.
04:37No.
04:38No, no, no.
04:40Hey man, you want to buy some 2007 Latino albums?
04:43I got White Mohamed, Mohamed Saga Part 1, Handle My Little Danny's.
04:48Man, I'll even get you free Chuck Norris and We Are Black Now, dude.
04:51These are some bangers, man.
04:53Bangers that make you fuck hoes.
04:55Instead of having a little shrimp dick, because you look like you have a shrimp dick.
04:58No offense to you or anything, but you look like a nerd.
05:00You look like you would shit at the school.
05:02But it's okay, because we have an album.
05:05Well, we don't have an album.
05:06We have an unreleased album called We Shot Up The School that I may be able to give you.
05:10After you give me sex, and by sex I mean your girlfriend gives me sex.
05:13You know what I'm saying, bud?
05:14Whatever.
05:15You must be Danny of Love Handle, right?
05:17Always an honor to be recognized by my fans.
05:19Wait.
05:20Fan of the Love Handle?
05:21I will sell you 500.
05:23Wow, you sure are passionate about rock and roll.
05:25Well, it's only my life.
05:27Sit down.
05:28I'll tell you a little story.
05:30I'm Danny.
05:32I was in Love Handle.
05:35But then I went through a scandal.
05:39I had too many kids, because I would always trust my dick.
05:46So I fucked the one too many hoes.
05:49Now I have like 3,300 kids.
05:53And I ain't looking after them, so even I'm hearing it.
05:56I ain't looking after them, so even I'm hearing it.
05:59Why I have so much child support.
06:03So there will be no new love in love until I get home with child support paid.
06:07Until I'm fucking that faggot Bobbie Dice of Fate.
06:12Because now I have to sell my albums and peddle them until I can pay my child support.
06:18And my gambling addiction.
06:21I've fucked some hoes in the window like 800 times.
06:25I should have seen his dude named Lawrence.
06:27He was a boy.
06:29And he's probably on him more.
06:31Oh, that might have been my dad.
06:33Oopsie daisy.
06:34Well, at least he's putting 20 gigs of iron in your father.
06:37That will never pay child support.
06:39Ha ha ha ha ha.
06:42Yeah.
06:56Thank you! Thank you!
06:58You know, our parents fell in love at one of your concerts.
07:01GAYS!
07:02Well, how would you like to sing for our parents' wedding anniversary?
07:05GAYS!
07:06Who can resist the power of rock and roll?
07:08GAYS!
07:09GAYS!
07:10GAYS!
07:12The spirit of rock and roll has called out to me!
07:15GAYS!
07:16I don't know what to do, Perry.
07:18I think I need to start respecting women.
07:20Nah, I'm just kidding. Fuck that. Anyway, look at this.
07:23Goth hoes, including Vanessa Arverly and Decora and shit.
07:26You know what I'm talking about, Perry.
07:28So if I strap someone to the rockets and they bloat and die brutally,
07:32then we'll fuck.
07:33And then, you know, fuck Candace, uh, in the remains of your rotting corpse.
07:37So, uh, yeah.
07:38I'm gonna blow you up for the vibes.
07:41So I wonder what new look Bobby has envisioned for me this time.
07:45You know, he was in my favorite band.
07:47Love him.
07:48Love him.
07:49But he doesn't like anyone to talk about it, though.
07:50So don't bring it up.
07:52Uh, I gotta take this.
07:53How's it going?
07:54We got that washed-up loser sellout.
07:56Now we're gonna get Bobby faggot.
07:57And if we can't furfess a mace...
07:59You gotta keep Mom distracted while we talk to Bobby.
08:01Say, Mom!
08:03Time to die, you stupid whore!
08:04It's time for the water!
08:07I hate you, and you always fucks with me, and then let me fuck out!
08:09White boy, do you have a reservation?
08:11No! I'm here to seek out Bobby Feffers.
08:13He's a huge guy, and he's big as a man!
08:17Who said that?!
08:20Yeah, that's right, ladies.
08:21Look at my ball-chain canvas.
08:23Nice ass.
08:24Oh, these retarded faggots.
08:26Why are they always up in my hood,
08:27trying to act like they ain't got some cribs or some blood-formin' shit?
08:30We got him most wise, some finished...
08:32Shut up! I'm un-gang.
08:33I'm a fucking gangster.
08:35Secretly, I'm very lonely.
08:37Uh, well, if not me, what is you?
08:39How could so many full-months...
08:41And it's their anniversary!
08:42B to the O-R-I-N-G.
08:43Not yet, Ferb.
08:44Let me tell you something different.
08:46My dick was so massive that everyone left.
08:48Because my cock was so big, everyone left.
08:50Are you kidding?
08:52We know you. You're the man with the meat.
08:54You're the one that made all the love handles show the tree.
08:56When you fixed it out, Jimmy was shocked.
08:58Because it to him, it looks like you had to keep it.
09:02I see my knee is so fucking big.
09:04When I look at it, everyone goes,
09:05Cool!
09:06Let's get a treat for your penis.
09:08My dick's so big, it makes them all scream!
09:11My dick's so big, I fuck with all I want.
09:13Oh my god, your cock is so very big.
09:15Join Love Handle, you'll get to suck all your hoes.
09:17You're the one with the meat.
09:19You make the shows a treat.
09:21We all love you, Bobby.
09:23We all beat you high, Bobby.
09:25Yes, Ferb.
09:27We say hi with your super meat.
09:30Ah, the day I met you.
09:34You're so...
09:36Big.
09:38I have to tell you.
09:41Boy, yes.
09:42And P-D-S.
09:44Boy.
09:45I'm famous. I'm famous.
09:46I don't know what you're on, but I'll be-
09:56You only got one man, he's got your heart and soul
10:00So I'm saying that I am not getting out of this game
10:06Hello? Isabella?
10:07Hey Phineas, what's up?
10:09Guess what band's getting back together?
10:11The Taliban?
10:12Yeah, how'd you know?
10:13It was the lead story on the 5 o'clock news
10:15Let me guess, you guys need a stage, right?
10:17Yeah, can you help us out?
10:18We're already on it
10:22I can't believe a drummer for a shitty band would end up in an even more shitty place to work at
10:27Say, could it be?
10:33Pardon me, would your name be Swampy, ex-drummer for the band Love Handel?
10:37Love- oh yes, Love Handel, I remember being in Love Handel
10:40Love Handel was quite a cool band
10:42We released many great albums and we did many great things
10:46Us Love Handlers were made gritty albums and like a bunch of cool stuff
10:52For more information, please visit my Patreon
10:55Where if you pay just $10, I will send you one dick dick in all the Love Handel albums
11:00And I'll also give you a look at my wife
11:03Oh no no, she doesn't exist
11:05But to tell you how I lost my wife, I must go back to the beginning
11:09You see, when I was in seventh grade, I had a girlfriend
11:11Her name was Livy Doon
11:15And then we had to learn about something disgusting called the birds and the bees
11:18Now when I heard that you stitch your dick in some woman's pussy
11:23I got so disgusted by the thought of it that I never wanted to have sex
11:27And it didn't because of my lack of riz or anything
11:29I have no game
11:31I can't even fuck babies
11:33I don't have enough
11:34But all the other Moose Love Handlers were so embarrassed to be around me
11:37That I had to stop flanging my instrument entirely
11:40All I did was jerk off in the background of a Danny had sex with a manly woman
11:46My life all went downhill from there
11:48You see, first, it was Young Sheldon
11:51I got so addicted to watching Young Sheldon that I kept the busting instead of playing
11:56And Missy Cooper was such a waifu that I couldn't help but go on
12:01Would you have done, youngster?
12:04Being a rocker is cool and all, beyond being cool
12:07Working at the library of CPKMA waifus
12:12Now, don't get me wrong, Love-
12:14What, no
12:15I'm not done
12:17Don't get me wrong, Love Handler had many good albums
12:19Such as Bobby's Habes Met Grodd or Sherman's Big Album
12:23But I have to say, George's Long To Get To, I really resonated with
12:27I feel black, you know what I'm saying?
12:29Being black is about many things
12:31Such as, you know, respecting tradition, culture, fried chicken
12:36Wait, no, that's racist, forget that
12:38One thing I do love more than anything about fried chicken
12:41Is that the black people have such guy arts
12:43Especially those hows they fuck
12:45But it's okay, I'm not even racist
12:47To be honest, I'm kind of a centrist
12:50You know, I don't really have any political views
12:52I believe that we shouldn't be too far right or too far left
12:56In fact, my ideal President of Canada is, uh, no one
13:00I think we should be a full democracy or a socialist republic
13:05Or not socialist republic, I mean a, uh, you know, a liberal country
13:09I believe that gay people are a beautiful and nice thing
13:13But they're fine, I could take it or leave it, you know
13:15You know what I'm saying, take or leave?
13:17No, not dick, I could take or leave anything
13:20I'm really kind of a normal guy
13:22You see, I used to work at a restaurant called
13:24Burger Time Burger Burger Burger Mart
13:26Where they make big burgers and big guy ass
13:29Now noticeably, I first met Danny in preschool
13:32But, huh, they were standard
13:34We became fast friends because we were both in love for music
13:37But Bobby, hey Bobby
13:39I first met him at a sex, uh, frat sex party in 6th grade
13:43Well, everyone that I was in 6th grade
13:46Me and Bobby were at least in our 20s
13:48It's okay though
13:49You see, I met this, I was, I thought she was a super hot woman
13:53But then he turned around and I saw his uggo face
13:55And I was like, damn, this sex video is unk status
13:58Never mind, I was 20
14:00And then I tried to hit him up, where I realized he was a dude
14:03So I went to him for this other party
14:05I don't know what the name was, does it really matter?
14:08Anyways, me and Bobby go out to get chicken McNuggets at McDoobers after that
14:12And the conversation was something like this
14:14I'll pretend, say I'm pretending to be Bobby Hubeck
14:16Hey Sherman, how do you like to join my band with me and Danny?
14:20And I was like, who the fuck is Danny?
14:22Danny sounds like a retarded name like that girl from Rescue Bots
14:25Then I remember my friend Danny
14:26And I was like, oh shit
14:28Then he was like, uh, you mean, I mean Dan, like your friend Annie
14:31And I was like, oh, okay, bet
14:34And that's how Love Handle formed
14:35Now the demo tapes were released in 1998
14:37And it was all uphill from there
14:39You know, up until like 2007
14:42Shice
14:44At least we made a lot of money from Girl, You Mean in 2000
14:46Now don't get me wrong
14:48I admit that the Nergary Lord, the White Muhammad albums are pretty good
14:52Malcolm X, Can't Have Sex
14:54Classic
14:55The Gastly Jews, Quadru-
14:56The Gastly Jews, Diet Trilogy or whatever
14:58Wasn't it Black John Men and the videos are gay
15:00Immediate buff
15:02Shut Up and Suck, Suck, Suck
15:03Relatable
15:04Girl, Stop Tugging Me in My Balls
15:06Not Relatable
15:07Gastly Jews
15:08Five to Ten
15:09Relatable
15:10Arm Wreck in 2009 when we made We're Still Goat Shit
15:13We were still goated
15:15I remember back when we made Comeback Keys in 2015
15:18It was a classic
15:19So it was big, I love you
15:20I still love you, Linda, if you ever want to hit me up, by the way
15:23Shit my dick is big, that album was about me, not Danny or Bobby
15:27So working on that Bobby Pack
15:29Well, that Deplendo
15:31Jeez, Bobby, if it dies
15:32We're waiting to release it
15:34But more importantly
15:35We were not on the Epstein Island
15:37I just have 27 years in prison for that
15:39In 1866
15:41Most importantly, I saw Hamilton win time
15:44You know, Hamilton was a great play
15:46But I didn't like how that Savage was in the cast
15:49Wake Another Room
15:50No, I forgot I'm not racist
15:51That was the album
15:52I am the old Bobby
15:54I fucked so many whores, man
15:56This song is almost as wholesome as squirrels in my pants
15:59Or platypus controlling me
16:01Platypus controlling me, alright
16:03Now, anyways, where was I?
16:05Oh, yes
16:06My taxes last year were very hard to file
16:08Mostly because the only filing I do is pedo
16:11But most importantly
16:12I had spent 6,000 on my water bill last year
16:16I believe that is more than the average person
16:19Mostly because I didn't take a shower every day
16:21Usually I start by rubbing my dick with the water
16:23And then I move to the other part of my body
16:25But that's besides the point
16:26Usually, my electric bill is around $5,000
16:30But this time, it was only 5,000
16:32It was only 4,800
16:35Which is pretty solid, if you ask me
16:37Saving $200 is always nice
16:38Usually I have to save up on pineapple coupons at the corner store
16:41But usually
16:42And sometimes I have to look at Big Dick Magazine
16:44And find all the Big Dick coupons
16:46Big Dick coupons are basically
16:48When you find a coupon at the end of Big Dick Magazine
16:50Where the person has a big dick
16:52And you...
16:56Now, naturally
16:58I ate this every time
17:00Now, because I am a legend in the dick-guessing community
17:03The dick-guessing community is basically
17:05A community of people who buy every Big Dick Magazine
17:07And, uh, what do you call it?
17:09And they guess who is the biggest dick
17:11Of people
17:12Whoever is the closest wins
17:14Actually, I have won seven times
17:17Now, naturally
17:18Things that people don't understand
17:20Is that when I worked at McDonald's for a couple years
17:22While me and Sherman were trying to start up
17:24Um, Love Handle
17:26Things did not go well originally
17:28We spent us five years
17:30To even get our first single Oscar grant
17:32I will join Love Honda
17:33Hazel, let's go, bitch
17:34Hey, Dad, we're back
17:35There's lasagna in the fridge
17:37Boys, it's really hopeless
17:39Fear not, Daddy-O
17:40We got you covered
17:41Hit it, Ferb
17:44Love Handle
17:51Love Handle?
17:56Surprise, baby girl
18:05I have to admit
18:06Nigga, what the fuck
18:07This shit gay
18:09My breedable cat is just too fat
18:11Not as fat as the ass of that
18:13Oh, Linda
18:14You can't let good cake go to waste
18:16English or Spanish?
18:17Baby, you got something in your nose
18:21Sniffing that cake
18:22Did you feel the
18:23I love Peter
18:27Lass
18:28What are you talking about?
18:29I got a boner from watching the deep fake
18:31Of all of us fucking on the bed
18:33You saw that too?
18:34Did I look fat?
18:35I thought I looked fat
18:36That's it, this is ridiculous
18:37I'm outta here
18:38No, wait
18:39You can't go
18:40Mom's not back
18:41What about your fans?
18:42Phineas, I admire your optimism
18:44But besides your dad
18:45Be honest
18:46What fans?
18:53Whoa
19:00Sorry, Phineas, my friend
19:02But we gotta go on now
19:03Or we're gonna have a serious
19:04Fashion metal riot on our hands
19:06No, no, you can't start without Linda
19:09Oh, what?
19:12Look, it's Mom
19:13What am I doing here?
19:15Hey, baby
19:16Let's fish this loser
19:17And go back to that night
19:19Chillax, cunt
19:20We'll let you beat off in the corner
19:23How many you have?
19:2418,000 inches
19:30Well, I'm a loser
19:31Oh