2024.S01E03
Transcript
00:00You
00:22Come in
00:25Hi Eddie
00:27Cheers
00:29We got your special request
00:31Yeah?
00:33Someone's about to have a very full bum
00:36That's good news
00:40What's wrong?
00:42Is that all of them?
00:44How many do you need?
00:46Well I mean
00:48Have you got anything
00:50Bigger?
00:53Don't worry about it
00:55No no sorry
00:57But did you want to have a go anyway?
00:59Nah it's fine
01:01Okay
01:08Wait
01:23So um
01:25How do we feel
01:27About clients that are married?
01:29Um
01:31Well you know
01:33Ethically
01:35Oh yeah
01:37One of my clients
01:39Invited me out on his yacht
01:41Absolutely not
01:43That is a major safety issue
01:45One time
01:47I had sex with this really hot guy
01:49And then my next client
01:52But I orgasmed with him
01:54Was that a question or?
01:56What if they're misogynists?
01:58Uh
02:00What if they want me to put on an accent?
02:02Or if they start crying?
02:04And what if I know them?
02:06What if they're really nice but they can't afford it?
02:08And what if they're a racist?
02:10You can say no to anyone you want
02:16Is everything okay?
02:18I haven't had any repeat clients
02:21Oh
02:23Um
02:25Chewie
02:29What's up girls?
02:31That sweet fat man with the sad eyes
02:33Has been in to see Amethyst like
02:35Three times this week
02:37So I was just wondering if maybe you had some tips on how I could be
02:39I don't know
02:41Less like
02:43Me
02:47Do you mind if I
02:50Yes please
02:58Lolly
03:00Everyone loves you
03:04Not really
03:06Girls think I'm silly
03:08And boys think I'm
03:10Gonna fall in love with them the second they say hello
03:12Which
03:14Does sometimes happen
03:16Are you afraid you're gonna fall in love with a client?
03:19I was a bit but
03:21It's been fine
03:23I just pretend I'm in a romance novel
03:25Bet they love that
03:27I just do it in my head
03:29I don't get romantic with them
03:31Why not?
03:33Plenty of guys love that soppy stuff
03:35You get super romantic with clients
03:37I
03:39I get intimate
03:41But that
03:43Lovey dovey stuff
03:45I'll leave that to you
03:47They're not coming for a fuck
03:49They're coming for you
04:17Mmm
04:29Mmm
04:31Crikey still burning through it aren't ya
04:35Um if you did want any help with sweethearts
04:37Motel's very quiet
04:39Yeah no I'll uh
04:41I'll manage
04:43You know I've been doing this online investment course
04:45And if there's one thing I've learned
04:47To get ahead in business it's
04:49Have a penis?
04:51Oh hello
04:53Just this way room 4
04:55But also
04:57Be brave
04:59You gotta spend money to make money
05:01And I know that you've spent every dollar you have
05:03And quite a few you don't
05:05But I've got this nest egg just sitting there
05:07And superannuation as of last week
05:09Yeah I know I know
05:11The big six five
05:13That's a bit of fuss
05:15God forbid a cake or anything
05:17Why are you here?
05:19You live in a country that basically pays you to retire
05:21I hate that word
05:23Makes me think of cruises and cocktails
05:29What is her problem?
05:31Who cares
05:33Anyway resweethearts
05:35If you did need a silent investor
05:37Or even a loud one
05:39Perhaps we could put our heads together
05:41Take our time and blue sky some options
05:43Really shark tank it
05:45Figure out how to sweat this asset
05:49I've got a staff meeting
05:51Of course
05:53For staff
05:55Yeah of course
05:57For sweethearts staff
06:03How's the training going ladies?
06:05Well Lolly's dirty talk
06:07Was sounding a little timid
06:09Yeah
06:13Hey big boy
06:15Shoot your fireman's hose into my burning building
06:17Oh
06:21Better
06:23We'll do another session this afternoon
06:25Thank you
06:27Ok big week this week
06:29We've got agrifest
06:31Biggest farming festival south of the equator
06:33And we all know what that means
06:35Oh animal enslavement
06:37Finally some cash
06:39This is a chance for us all
06:41To make some real money
06:43Yeah but not that it's all about making money
06:45What else would it be about?
06:47Well it's about emotional stewardship
06:49And universal empowerment
06:51And cultural deprogramming
06:53Oh my god get fucked
06:55All I know is I'm going to make bank
06:57Oh
07:01For the farmers
07:03Farmers work with animals they don't fuck them
07:05Hey listen come on guys
07:07We're all in this together
07:09We've sacrificed a lot to get to here
07:11And now it's time for us to reap our rewards
07:13Oh my fucking god
07:15You guys I just shoved a speaker up a client's asshole
07:17And now I can't get it out
07:19Should we be worried?
07:21No
07:23It is so far up there that I cannot even see it with a phone torch
07:25Ok listen
07:27I will sort this
07:29And meanwhile ladies you brush up on your farm lingo
07:31For pillow talk
07:33Yes I know Jaz told me
07:35You know about the council thing?
07:37My thing's a butt thing
07:39What butt thing? What council thing?
07:41Oh right they just called to say they're shutting us down
07:45You said this was legal
07:47It is
07:49There is nothing in the act that we're not compliant with
07:51Oh wait
07:57Oh no fuck
07:59What?
08:01Stupid local council bylaw
08:03Brothels operating outside an urban centre
08:05Must have neighbours consent
08:07I thought we were an escort agency
08:09Nah they only do outcalls
08:11Yeah but are we outside an urban centre?
08:13Yes
08:15Because this town is tiny
08:17So just find another venue in town
08:19Shadows moves all the time
08:21We can't we're tied into a three year lease
08:23Oh that was a dumb idea
08:25Thanks Cherry
08:27It's not Mac's fault it's that cow who dubbed us in
08:29Fucking Sharon
08:31I know pressure points
08:35This is not about fucking Sharon
08:37This is about us standing up for our rights
08:39No this is about how I'm going to feed my fucking kids when we close down
08:41We are not closing down
08:43I will fix this
08:45Okay in the meantime
08:47Anyone that wants to go home should do so
08:49Anyone who wants to stay
08:51And keep working the way sex workers
08:53Have for millennia
08:55Illegally?
08:57Illegally
08:59But yeah illegally
09:03Quick question
09:05About the guy with the boom box up his bum
09:07Yes
09:09But bums were made to push things out
09:11Yeah well who knew they could suck as well as blow
09:13What do we do?
09:15You have a motel to run
09:17I'll drive him to the hospital
09:19Absolutely not
09:21They've seen it all before trust me
09:23My brother works in the emergency department
09:25Stay here
09:27Because we're not even supposed to be operating
09:29Yes thanks Jules
09:31Sorry sorry
09:33Cherry
09:35Oh come on ladies I can see you're out there
09:39You're a nurse
09:41Right
09:43Scrub up
09:45So from now on
09:47If you need to come and go
09:49Use the back entrance
09:51Amethyst
09:53Oh there you are
09:57So you heard back from your dealer yet?
09:59Yes I did
10:01What do you want? He's got K, MDMA, THB
10:03Which one's the muscle relaxant?
10:05That's K
10:07Which fun fact is actually a horse tranquilizer
10:09Oh that's right you work for a vet
10:11You know that vets operate on animals
10:13Without their consent eh?
10:15Yes
10:17Listen could you get some forceps
10:19Dropped here
10:21Yeah? Do you want me to go to my dealer now?
10:23No no I'll pick it up
10:25You
10:27I'm not letting Amethyst break the law
10:29Okay
10:31Agrafest just broke for lunch so
10:33EIEI go
10:35Hey
10:47Guys she's there
10:49Oh man
10:51I am so upset that we have to go
10:53Straight home immediately
10:55How am I going to support my family
10:57Now that we've been shut down
10:59I didn't know you had to support your family
11:01I'm going to tell the cops that you're a pedophile
11:03Quit
11:05Anyone ask
11:07You're staying at the motel
11:23Who is this big farmer everyone keeps talking about
11:25It's me
11:27You know something
11:33I just can't believe
11:35She's gone you know
11:49Look at her
11:51My little badger
11:53Yeah
11:55Tell me what to do
11:57You've been a naughty meat eating farmer haven't you
11:59You better tell me to take me down to
12:01Vegan Town
12:03Take me down to Vegan Town
12:05Say it louder
12:07Take me down to Vegan Town
12:09Say it louder but quietly
12:13That was
12:15I mean I can't
12:19It's just
12:21You're really cute
12:23Really
12:25Yeah
12:27I mean
12:29A lot of the ladies
12:31Are just like
12:33Ooh
12:35Sorry
12:37No don't be
12:39You're really sexy
12:45So you do this
12:47A bit then
12:49Yeah
12:51Can I ask why? Unless you don't want to talk about it
12:53No no it's okay
12:55It's just
12:57I don't know
12:59I mean my life's pretty ordinary
13:01It's just
13:05There's nothing ordinary about you though
13:11Do you want to see me again
13:13Did Alo want to see Jondala
13:15Oops
13:17Sorry it's just
13:19It's from this series
13:21You ever read Clan of the Cave Bear
13:23Maybe like 50 times
13:25Unless you count the times I've wanked off over the sex scenes
13:27In which case
13:29Hundreds
13:31At least
13:33How do you feel about cosplay
13:37Whatever you're doing in there
13:39It is working
13:41I'm just showing them pictures to be honest
13:43Of
13:45Oh
13:47Well it's working
13:49You have six more bookings today
13:53Need anything
13:55Ice pack, wheat pack, meat pack
13:57I got this
13:59Excuse me
14:01You lost
14:03So sorry to hear about the closure
14:05Where are your workers
14:07Listen Sharon
14:09This is private property
14:11And I am fully prepared to trespass your ass
14:13So
14:17What are we going to do
14:19Okay listen
14:21Could you go and pick up that little treat
14:23That we talked about
14:29What's going on here
14:33Okay so um
14:35What this is
14:37Is um
14:39We're brainstorming ways to make money now that you've destroyed our livelihood
14:41Yeah
14:43Well maybe your next careers could be less degrading
14:45Bitch do I look degraded
14:47And who are you
14:49Um that is my boyfriend
14:51Who is a lawyer
14:53Eh babe
14:55No big deal
14:57Hey why don't you stay for a cup of tea
14:59We could talk about I don't know female nostalgia
15:01Or how to teach yourself to squirt
15:03Or which guys have the worst smelling cum
15:05Oh spoiler alert it's the vegans
15:07What hey
15:09Let's compete pussies
15:11Yes
15:13I'll be calling the council again
15:15Bye bitch
15:17Can I increase the song with a little bit more bass
15:19Oh yep
15:39Can you get me
15:41Can you get me
15:43Can you get me
15:45Can you get me
15:47Can you get me
15:49Can you get me
15:53Hi
15:55Hi
15:57I'm here for the
15:59Goods
16:01You know
16:03Stuff
16:05Notice on
16:07The
16:11You kidding me
16:13Are we allowed to just say it
16:17Get out of town
16:21Sorry
16:23Just checking
16:25You are a
16:27Social worker
16:29You shouldn't be selling drugs
16:31I don't
16:33April fool
16:39Oi
16:41Well
16:43You're deep undercover aren't you
16:49No one needs a $200
16:51Pair of shoes
16:53I don't care
16:55Get this thing out of me
16:59Just a
17:01Just a
17:03Problem with a motel guest
17:05I gotta go
17:07I'm back
17:09I'm better than ever
17:11All you have to do is hold his cheeks apart
17:13My hands are so sweaty
17:15What if I slip and his butthole just snaps shut
17:17It's not a thing Chas
17:19Forceps
17:21Has anyone found any sterilising fluid
17:23We just make sure you don't use hand sanitiser
17:25On his hole okay
17:27I did that at a festival once
17:29Can we just
17:31Can we just get this over with please
17:33Give him the anaesthetic
17:35God
17:37Oh god
17:39Okay
17:41Just try and relax for me
17:43There's a woman called Greta
17:45At reception
17:47Finally a female client
17:49She says she's a council inspector
17:51What
17:53I've just taken drugs
17:55Yeah but K is barely illegal
17:57What are we gonna do
17:59Uh
18:01Greta
18:03Wait
18:05Face like a block of concrete
18:07Yeah actually
18:09She's in my cousins wife's pickleball collective
18:11I got this
18:13Okay
18:15Thanks Jules
18:17Jesus
18:23Greta
18:25Can I book you a room
18:27We've had a complaint
18:29If you're talking about the next door neighbour she's an unreliable witness
18:31And possibly a pedophile
18:33We've heard you've been continuing to operate despite our injunction
18:35Oh right
18:37We're definitely not doing that
18:39I'm gonna have to have a look around
18:41Now I can't imagine there's much of a demand for
18:43Brothel inspection in Featherton Bay
18:45I actually normally work in drainage
18:47Really lucky you
18:49It's my passion
18:51Um
18:53We have noticed a little bit of seepage
18:55Recently
18:57Really
18:59Clearwater, greywater, blackwater
19:01Yeah
19:03Just over by the driveway
19:05Maybe I could show you
19:09Obviously I saw this when we came in
19:13Wooo
19:15I'm feeling good
19:17I'm swimming through the air
19:19Okay you might feel a bit of pressure
19:21I'm drowning
19:23Wait Jess
19:25What cheeks
19:33What's wrong with her
19:35Might be a panic attack
19:37No no no this is not a good time
19:39We're gonna lose our jobs and then we're gonna go to court
19:41And then we're gonna end up with face tats
19:43And prison wives and names like Ben Tatts
19:45Listen
19:47This is not a situation to panic about
19:49Keep your voices down please
19:51How bad is it
19:53Your entire system's backed up
19:55It's probably tree roots causing the issue
19:57You're gonna want to take care of that pretty quickly
20:01What was that
20:03What
20:05Greta
20:07Greta we need a resolution
20:09I just wanted to be good at this and I'm not good at this
20:11Babe whatever you're feeling
20:13Feel it okay
20:15And you did fuck up but who fucking cares
20:17You can't ignore it so
20:19Breathe with me
20:27Okay breathe with me
20:29And then out
20:41One more in
20:43And then out
20:45Three
20:47Two
20:49One
20:55It's a goop
21:09So what's
21:11Happened here is
21:13No charge
21:21Clearly this escort agency
21:23Is still operating
21:25Well it's a brothel actually
21:27Brothel escort agency I still don't really know the difference
21:29Is it just that
21:31Escorts do call outs
21:33Can you shut up none of this matters if we shut down
21:35Wait
21:37Your bylaws only mention brothels
21:39We are a brothel
21:41Let's get a legal opinion on that shall we
21:45A brothel does not
21:47Include premises where prostitution
21:49Occurs if
21:51The action was initiated elsewhere
21:53And we have two buildings right here
21:55So we could use one for
21:57Bookings and one for bonking
21:59Yeah yeah then we would be an escort agency
22:01And we would need consent to operate
22:03Then you'd be working in reception with me
22:05But they're like only ten meters
22:07Apart but is that better
22:09Doesn't say anything about how far
22:11Else we are
22:19Fine
22:29So
22:31That's it then
22:33Besides the septic
22:35Issues that need immediate action
22:37I told her about the leak in the driveway
22:39Yeah faulty septic systems create public
22:41Health risks
22:43Oh we'll get that fixed
22:45I think you've got a cracked tank
22:47I hope not
22:49That'd be 25, 30k to replace
22:51And if it's not cracked
22:53Oh it could be the pump itself
22:55Don't think so though
22:57Maybe only 15k
22:59Only?
23:01Better get on to it to avoid fines
23:03Or shut down
23:06Woohoo
23:26Hey
23:28This is not a celebration face
23:32I know something is annoying
23:35But it's not like we have to pay for it
23:39Because we're just leasing
23:41We're liable for repairs
23:43Why?
23:45Because Sandy knew he had me over a barrel
24:05Christ
24:07God damn it
24:15Shut up you stupid septic shit
24:17All that shit
24:19What is it?
24:21What could go wrong?
24:23Alright
24:29It's ok
24:34Where's Mac?
24:36Oh that woman putting herself in the line
24:38She's just taking some time out
24:42Oh there you are
24:44I feel sick
24:46Not just because of the fresh poo bubbling up over there
24:48If only I hadn't said anything to Greta
24:50I know there's nothing I can do to fix it
24:52Actually there is
24:54If you still want to invest
24:56You mean like
24:58A silent partner or
25:01Co-owners
25:05But think about it
25:07It's a lot of money and it is drunestic
25:11We need champagne
25:13Tequila would be good
25:30I know it's a joke
25:32But my heart goes up in smoke
25:36When you push me
25:38Tease me low
25:40I wonder if you know
25:44Now everybody
25:46Looks at me like everything
25:48I've ever said
25:50Has still got to be true
25:54But nothing is as easy
25:56To forget as what you never
25:58Really knew
26:02Now you make me feel
26:04Lowbrow, take me down
26:06You never look sorry
26:08Lowbrow, take me down
26:10You never look sorry
26:12Lowbrow, take me down
26:14You never look sorry
26:16You never look sorry
26:22Fall, fall
26:24You put me in my place where
26:26It's cold, cold
26:28Just want your body heat to
26:30Move, move
26:32Pull me into you
26:34Just hold me closer
26:36Then you know
26:38How to
26:40Fall, fall
26:42You put me in my place where
26:44It's cold, cold
26:46Just want your body heat to
26:48Move, move
26:50Pull me into you
26:52Just hold me closer
26:54Then you know
26:56How to
27:00You know how to
27:04You know how to
27:08You know how to
27:10Just hold me closer
27:12Then you know how to