• 3 months ago
COMEDY, ROMANCE,

Three young men pursue three beautiful women across London.

Director
David Kane
Writer
David Kane
Stars
Craig Ferguson, Ian Hart, Jane Horrocks
*
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Transcript
00:00:30Thank you.
00:00:31Thank you.
00:01:00Thank you.
00:01:03Thank you.
00:01:06Thank you.
00:01:09Thank you.
00:01:12Thank you.
00:01:15Thank you.
00:01:18Thank you.
00:01:21Thank you.
00:01:24Thank you.
00:01:27Thank you.
00:01:30Thank you.
00:01:33Thank you.
00:01:36Thank you.
00:01:39Thank you.
00:01:42Thank you.
00:01:45Thank you.
00:01:48Thank you.
00:01:51Thank you.
00:01:54Thank you.
00:01:57Thank you.
00:02:00Thank you.
00:02:03Thank you.
00:02:06Thank you.
00:02:09Thank you.
00:02:12Thank you.
00:02:15Thank you.
00:02:18Thank you.
00:02:21Come on!
00:02:38So I get invited to this college reunion, you know.
00:02:41There was a fucking crash,
00:02:44and everyone, like, married or divorced, pissed,
00:02:47crying their eyes out about their love lives and things.
00:02:50And someone's got all these old photographs of us, you know,
00:02:52when we were there, and I get this one.
00:02:55Yeah, look.
00:02:59Maureen's off to see me first girlfriend, eh?
00:03:02Little Mo's off to see.
00:03:03I get this huge bang, and, like, suddenly it becomes clear.
00:03:09You know, I still love her.
00:03:11I mean, I'm off my head, like, with jokes, but...
00:03:15Very lovable.
00:03:17So I ask a few questions, you know, find out where she is,
00:03:19and someone says, London, there I am.
00:03:21Going to find her, phone her up and marry her.
00:03:23Cos, like, frankly, I'm not getting any younger, am I?
00:03:26That simple, is it?
00:03:28Er, not really, no.
00:03:32I'd yell to that.
00:03:35Sort of.
00:03:36Oh, she'll be looking forward to seeing you, then.
00:03:49MUSIC PLAYS
00:03:57Will you turn it off? It's driving me nuts.
00:03:59That's my theme tune, man.
00:04:01Do you remember the club called What Am I?
00:04:04Well, let's see it. Come on, let's see it.
00:04:09I'll wait for that bastard.
00:04:10Oh, fuck off!
00:04:11What the fuck are you doing, man?
00:04:12Will you pick it up, Jesus?
00:04:14It's rolling, do you see? What can I do?
00:04:15You shoved it out my hand, you twat.
00:04:17Open your window, will you?
00:04:20Oh, I can feel it.
00:04:21Yeah, it's your side.
00:04:22You got it, it's your side.
00:04:25Cabs to Wapping, please.
00:04:26Er, yeah, I'll take you in a few minutes,
00:04:28if you can take a seat.
00:04:30Hello, Kismet Cabs.
00:04:31Yep.
00:04:32All we do, yep.
00:04:34Hello.
00:04:35Yeah, we go there.
00:04:36Can I phone you up?
00:04:37All right, I'll have someone find me.
00:04:43What is a misogynist?
00:04:44You.
00:04:45Yeah, I know that, but...
00:04:46Yeah, what was he saying?
00:04:47A man who hates women.
00:04:50Misogynist is someone who hates marriage.
00:04:55Er, misanthrope, um...
00:04:58hates everybody else.
00:04:59And a malcontent is just, we're never happy.
00:05:02A man who hates women?
00:05:03Well, I don't hate women.
00:05:06Who called you that?
00:05:07Someone call you that?
00:05:10Yeah.
00:05:12You want me to overbite?
00:05:13No, it's not an overbite.
00:05:14She's just got a big chin, that's all.
00:05:15Yeah, I know.
00:05:16The only thing is,
00:05:17that there isn't an equivalent word for misogynist.
00:05:19Like, there isn't a word for women who hate men.
00:05:21You know, not a specific word like there is for us.
00:05:23You haven't heard anyone say that word, have you?
00:05:25No.
00:05:26As if women can't be sexist.
00:05:27What, I respect women?
00:05:28Oh, don't get me wrong, so do I.
00:05:29Yeah.
00:05:30Yeah.
00:05:31Yeah.
00:05:32Yeah.
00:05:33Yeah.
00:05:34Yeah.
00:05:35Yeah.
00:05:37Yeah.
00:05:38Yeah.
00:05:39Yeah.
00:05:40Yeah.
00:05:41Yeah.
00:05:42Yeah.
00:05:43Yeah.
00:05:44Yeah.
00:05:46Aye, aye.
00:05:4730 triangles and a club.
00:05:51Sorry, what's that?
00:05:52No.
00:05:53What did you say?
00:05:54You didn't.
00:05:55Yeah, you didn't.
00:05:57Yeah, touché, all right.
00:05:58Look, listen, I'd better go.
00:05:59Thank you.
00:06:00Yeah.
00:06:01OK, bye.
00:06:02See you.
00:06:03So, do we dance or what?
00:06:04I mean, it was your idea.
00:06:05It's like a tangle.
00:06:06Susie's phone.
00:06:07Salsa.
00:06:08Hello, darling, how are you?
00:06:09I'm fine, thanks.
00:06:10I'm fine, thanks.
00:06:11I'm fine, thanks.
00:06:12I'm fine, thanks.
00:06:13I'm fine, thanks.
00:06:15Hello, darling, how are you?
00:06:16Yeah.
00:06:17Thursday?
00:06:18Yeah, could do, could do.
00:06:19Who?
00:06:20Is he?
00:06:21Yeah, all right.
00:06:22Look, listen, I'd better go.
00:06:23Yeah.
00:06:24OK, bye.
00:06:25See you.
00:06:26Salsa.
00:06:27Don't answer that.
00:06:28Susie's phone.
00:06:29Hello, Steve.
00:06:30Here we go.
00:06:31Hello, Susie.
00:06:32Hello, Steve.
00:06:33Hello, Susie.
00:06:34Hello, Susie.
00:06:35Hello, Susie.
00:06:36Hello, Susie.
00:06:37Hello, Susie.
00:06:38Hello, Susie.
00:06:40Hello, Susie.
00:06:41Hello, Susie.
00:06:42Hello, Susie.
00:06:43Hello, Susie.
00:06:44Hello, Susie.
00:06:45Oh, damn!
00:06:46Oh, that's her.
00:06:47Right, I'm going to get Susie.
00:06:48OK, OK.
00:06:49Give me a hand.
00:06:50Come on, I'll get Susie.
00:06:51All right.
00:06:52See you, Susie.
00:06:53Thank you.
00:06:54Bye, bye.
00:06:55Bye, Susie.
00:06:56Bye, Susie.
00:06:57See you, Susie.
00:06:58Bye.
00:07:00Bye, Susie.
00:07:01Bye, Susie.
00:07:02Bye, Susie.
00:07:03Bye.
00:07:04Bye.
00:07:05Bye.
00:07:06Bye.
00:07:07Bye.
00:07:08Bye.
00:07:09Bye, Susie.
00:07:10Bye.
00:07:11Bye.
00:07:12Bye.
00:07:13Bye.
00:07:14Shit!
00:07:15Come on!
00:07:16You're joking!
00:07:17Ray!
00:07:18You little prick!
00:07:20Come on!
00:07:26You're joking!
00:07:28Ray!
00:07:29You little prick!
00:07:49One, and two, and three, and four, and five, four at the gate, go on the side, yeah!
00:08:08Four at the gate!
00:08:10Yeah, she did actually, she just rang.
00:08:13Hey, look, can I, can I actually, can I bring you back?
00:08:16Yeah, I'm on a date.
00:08:19Yeah.
00:08:22He does actually.
00:08:27Switch it off.
00:08:32Don't do it.
00:08:33Don't answer it, Susie, don't.
00:08:35Don't answer it.
00:08:37Don't!
00:08:38Don't!
00:08:39Susie's fine.
00:08:40Susie is?
00:08:41You'll never get Susie!
00:08:49Oh!
00:09:11Me?
00:09:12No, I'm just watching, you see, honestly!
00:09:15You'll never learn if you don't try!
00:09:17It's my neck, you see.
00:09:19Oh, sorry!
00:09:23Oi!
00:09:24More!
00:09:25What are you doing late there?
00:09:27There must be someone here you haven't slept with.
00:09:30You're right.
00:09:31I've slept with all three of you.
00:09:33And you were all fantastic.
00:09:35Except one.
00:09:39You see, the problem with the neck is it directs the main sensory organs.
00:09:43So you twisted your neck then, yeah?
00:09:45Although, having said that, we have less need for a neck than most other animals
00:09:49because we live by our hands more than our ears.
00:09:51On the other hand, our highly developed stereoscopic vision requires a mobile neck.
00:09:56Did you know that the human embryo has gills?
00:10:00We start out with gills, all of us.
00:10:04Thanks for the dance, yeah?
00:10:15One, two, three...
00:10:30So you chucked the band in, just like that?
00:10:33Hey, will this be all right here?
00:10:35And you think you're just gonna bump into her in London?
00:10:37Well, you know, make a few calls.
00:10:39Made a list of all her favourite things, you know, a list of her mates and stuff.
00:10:43She liked Bloody Marys.
00:10:45Oh, that'll help, yeah.
00:10:47Roller skating.
00:10:49This is eight years ago, right?
00:10:51And the Elgin Marbles, British Museum, eh?
00:10:53So you might find her roller skating around the Elgin Marbles, drinking a Bloody Mary?
00:10:58Well, you never know, do you?
00:11:13Mm.
00:11:31You're quite a wizard, the old salsa, aren't you?
00:11:34Sorry, you're not my usual type.
00:11:36Yeah? What's your usual type, then?
00:11:38Tall, dark, handsome.
00:11:43I'm sorry, but I usually go for symmetrical faces,
00:11:46and no offence, but you don't have a symmetrical face,
00:11:49and I don't have time to waste.
00:12:13Um, do you want to share a taxi?
00:12:16Are you going north?
00:12:18West, not far.
00:12:20Well, I'm north-west.
00:12:21I'm south-west.
00:12:23Well, I'm sort of south of north-west.
00:12:25You really do fancy me, don't you?
00:12:32You gonna stay for the club?
00:12:34I'm not sure.
00:12:38Should have seen a dance teacher.
00:12:41Should have seen a dance teacher.
00:12:43I've got a phone number here.
00:12:45Dark, South American, probably.
00:12:47Sex on legs.
00:12:49I tell you what, we need another M.O., man.
00:12:51That stuff's fucking dangerous.
00:12:53Hey, what the hell is an absentee cravetender?
00:12:58Can you hold one sec? Thank you.
00:13:00Hello, Kismet Cabs?
00:13:02Yep.
00:13:03So, er, what do you do?
00:13:05I, um, restore paintings at the Institute.
00:13:09Yeah, where you down?
00:13:12I run an easy listening place.
00:13:14Very small, you know, select.
00:13:18I'm bisexual.
00:13:21That's OK. So am I.
00:13:23Well, I'm not really.
00:13:25Just thought I should say that.
00:13:27Seems that every woman I meet these days is bisexual.
00:13:30I'm amazed the price of courgettes hasn't been through the roof.
00:13:34My ex-wife was bisexual.
00:13:37Have you seen it? Dean Martin was bisexual.
00:13:39I don't believe that. You know, Vic Damone.
00:13:42Maybe.
00:13:43You take the first cab.
00:13:47Say, John, go.
00:13:49Good night.
00:13:51Bit of a drink, bit of a dance, you know, the usual.
00:13:56What, no decent men there, then?
00:13:59Decent men? Are you trying to be funny?
00:14:04There is a theory, you know,
00:14:06it's just smell.
00:14:08You're unconsciously drawn to someone else because of their smell.
00:14:11It's, er, it registers in your subconscious.
00:14:14So, are you just waiting for the right smell?
00:14:19Yeah, I know, it's just a theory.
00:14:25Do you want to come up?
00:14:27Have a drink? Whatever.
00:14:30Whatever.
00:14:32OK, a shag, then.
00:14:35Marry?
00:14:37What she doesn't know won't hurt her.
00:14:41It'll hurt me.
00:15:05You in?
00:15:07Will you piss off, Frankie?
00:15:09You think I'm made of money? There's radiators on all over the place.
00:15:12Will you close the fucking door?
00:15:15All right, pal.
00:15:17I wish that I were in love again
00:15:20Nothing no more strange
00:15:24And I ain't feeling no pain
00:15:28Today I am sane
00:15:32But I would rather be punched
00:15:34Than really be stunned
00:15:37How much prefer
00:15:39The classic battle of the Himmels
00:15:44Maudocety!
00:15:57Maudocety!
00:16:02What are you doing, Fergus?
00:16:05There are other ways of getting in touch, right?
00:16:08Come inside, you need some sleep.
00:16:21We always have a choice
00:16:26At least I think we do
00:16:30We can always use our voice
00:16:38I thought this to be true
00:16:45We can live in fear
00:16:49We can live in fear
00:16:55Extend ourselves to love
00:17:01We can fall below
00:17:07Lift ourselves above
00:17:12Fear can stop you loving
00:17:18Love can stop your fear
00:17:24Fear can stop you loving
00:17:48Hello, Loved Ones Limited. How can I help?
00:17:51That doesn't happen to be the sexy dance teacher from the salsa club, by any chance?
00:17:56Sorry, who's this?
00:17:58Well, this is the extra man from last night.
00:18:00Well, I just wanted to tell you that you dance the sexiest salsa I've ever seen.
00:18:06Oh, well, thanks.
00:18:08I'm not that good, but thanks very much.
00:18:12I'm quite new to it, actually.
00:18:14Well, you could have fooled me.
00:18:16Listen, I found a purse outside the club.
00:18:20I think it might belong to you.
00:18:22Oh, my purse! You found my purse.
00:18:25That's fantastic, thank you.
00:18:27Any chance we can meet up and I'll give you it back?
00:18:30Yeah, that would be great.
00:18:32Yeah, thanks. When?
00:18:41Kitchen's mine between eight and nine.
00:18:44Need an expresso, honey.
00:18:46And my bedroom's off-limits.
00:18:48Hey, we both have to live here until we sell the place, OK?
00:18:52We'll never sell it. It's sinking. It's fucked.
00:18:55See, now, a broad with any class would never use that type of language.
00:18:59A broad's where you go on holiday.
00:19:03Why don't you move in with the mook?
00:19:05Oh, so now he's a mook.
00:19:07Last week he was a putz. Why don't you move out?
00:19:09This is my house.
00:19:11Yeah, it's my house, too.
00:19:14He's got his own place.
00:19:16Yes, so have I.
00:19:17Well, that's just fine, then.
00:19:19So will you get out of the kitchen?!
00:19:21I'm having a cup of coffee, so piss off!
00:19:30We used to be married, Frankie. We used to be happy.
00:19:32It wasn't me that's got us here. It's not my fault!
00:19:35DOOR SLAMS
00:19:41Would you say, knowing me as you do,
00:19:44that I had a fear of intimacy?
00:19:46Who said that?
00:19:48Here with the big chimp from Gypsy Hill again.
00:19:52I don't have a problem with intimacy.
00:19:54Let me explain something to you about women.
00:19:56They're a wonderful dichotomy.
00:19:58For instance, blowjobs. I mean, what's that all about?
00:20:01I mean, what pleasure does a woman get out of that?
00:20:04What?
00:20:05When do you think they really enjoy it?
00:20:07Dee cheese and a meat and two veg.
00:20:09Whoa.
00:20:10I tell you, the truth, I never thought about it.
00:20:12Yeah, well, I have.
00:20:14I've thought about it a lot.
00:20:16You don't?
00:20:17How could they?
00:20:18It's not a thing of beauty, let's face it.
00:20:20So when a woman says to you,
00:20:23what a beautiful cock, she's lying.
00:20:26And who's she lying to?
00:20:27Herself.
00:20:29Maybe I'm wrong.
00:20:30Maybe you do have a beautiful cock, I can't say.
00:20:32Well, I suspect it looks something like mine,
00:20:34and I know for a fact that mine's no hope, ain't it?
00:20:37Well, no-one's ever said that to me.
00:20:39What?
00:20:40The part you said.
00:20:41What part?
00:20:42The, oh, what a beautiful part.
00:20:44See, what I'm getting at is,
00:20:46they only think they like it because they know we like it.
00:20:49Well, I don't like it.
00:20:51You don't like it?
00:20:52No.
00:20:53Everybody likes it.
00:20:55I don't.
00:20:56You know what that is, don't you?
00:20:58What?
00:20:59Fear of intimacy.
00:21:01Yeah.
00:21:10Where to, my friend?
00:21:12Blisses Museum.
00:21:13You'll find your ex then, mate.
00:21:15Eh?
00:21:17Oh, yeah.
00:21:18How's it going?
00:21:19Yeah, fine.
00:21:20Yeah, no, she likes the elegant marble,
00:21:22so it's a bit of a long shot, but, you know.
00:21:24Wish you all the best.
00:21:25Think you'll recognise her?
00:21:26Yeah, I'll recognise her, yeah.
00:21:32HE COUGHS
00:21:46Fuck.
00:21:52Thank you.
00:21:55Can't have one myself.
00:21:57Well, I would normally,
00:21:58but I've got this terrible urinary infection.
00:22:00Most likely be cystitis or something like that.
00:22:02What is it you do exactly?
00:22:05Um, I look after the graves for people who can't.
00:22:08You know, people who've moved city or emigrated.
00:22:10Well, they hire people to tidy up the graves
00:22:13and fresh flowers, you know, all that.
00:22:15That's a good racket.
00:22:16I send them a poloid every month just to reassure them.
00:22:19Look.
00:22:20See, these are my recent loved ones.
00:22:23Davidson died suddenly.
00:22:24I hate that, don't you?
00:22:25Died suddenly.
00:22:27McDermott, 34, cancer of the tongue.
00:22:29Family moved to Saskatchewan.
00:22:31Robertson, well, he was a fair age,
00:22:33but what a horrible way to die.
00:22:35How'd you meet him?
00:22:36He was on holiday in Westeros, swimming.
00:22:38Sacked to death by a basking shark.
00:22:40What?
00:22:41Yeah, they don't have any teeth.
00:22:43Oh, yeah.
00:22:49How long you got to wear that, then?
00:22:51Oh, what, this?
00:22:53Oh, well, I... I don't really.
00:22:57It's just... I hate my neck.
00:23:00You know, I hate my hands.
00:23:03And my legs and my nose and my ears.
00:23:06Especially my ears.
00:23:08I'd be quite happy without them, really.
00:23:10I could have them surgically removed.
00:23:12You can do that, you know.
00:23:14Fine with me.
00:23:18Well, um...
00:23:20I'd better get back to work.
00:23:23Are you sure?
00:23:25Maybe we could go to the pictures or something.
00:23:29You know, I'm terrible at things like this, going out with people.
00:23:33Flattered, obviously, but I'm just...
00:23:35I'm not interested in relationships.
00:23:38What about tonight?
00:23:48How's your lunch today, Brian?
00:23:50Yeah.
00:23:52OK.
00:23:59You know what we should do?
00:24:01Do you like dancing, Brian?
00:24:03We should go dancing together, don't you think?
00:24:06Well, yeah.
00:24:07I used to go clubbing a lot with my ex-girlfriend.
00:24:11She was a great dancer.
00:24:13Never met her.
00:24:15I don't think she came into the shop.
00:24:18I told you, Mo, I've had a heavy, heavy heart since she left.
00:24:23She was funny.
00:24:25Smart.
00:24:27There's something else. I'll never meet a woman like that again.
00:24:31Sexy.
00:24:33Gorgeous.
00:24:35Think about her constantly, you know.
00:24:37I just want her back, you know.
00:24:41I wake up, first thing I think about is her.
00:24:44Her eyes.
00:24:46Her eyes.
00:24:48Her love.
00:24:50The way she moved.
00:24:53They broke the mold with her.
00:24:55The one in a million, a real woman.
00:24:58She had this touch, this...
00:25:47MUSIC CONTINUES
00:26:11Who is it?
00:26:13It's me, Dad. Eddie. I forgot my keys.
00:26:15Eddie? Eddie who?
00:26:17It's me, Eddie. Open the door.
00:26:20Eddie's not in.
00:26:22I'm Eddie.
00:26:24You're Eddie? I'm Barney.
00:26:27I've got a son called Eddie.
00:26:29Is it him you want?
00:26:34Eddie.
00:26:35Oh, good. There's some half-wit on the phone for you.
00:26:40Have you eaten?
00:26:43Chips. I can smell chips.
00:26:46Here.
00:26:52It's your phone and mobile.
00:26:55If you need me, it's your phone and mobile.
00:27:00Be easier if you took the glove off.
00:27:04Jesus Christ, what happened?
00:27:07I can't remember.
00:27:09Come on, let's see.
00:27:12Don't need stitches.
00:27:14Oh.
00:27:40You weren't stood up.
00:27:42There was an accident with me old man.
00:27:44It's OK. I like going to the pictures on my own anyway.
00:27:49Well, that's the truth. Honest.
00:27:51Really good.
00:27:53It's about this blind composer
00:27:55whose wife's dying of Karsakov-Hausen syndrome.
00:27:58Oh, right.
00:28:05Think she believes me?
00:28:12I don't know.
00:28:43Hey, Henry, tell me something.
00:28:45They told me you ate shrimp.
00:28:47No, I don't want my partners.
00:28:49Don't you know there's a way to flavor the shrimp?
00:28:52Yes, I do.
00:28:59I don't want to play with the shrimp.
00:29:03I don't want to play with the shrimp.
00:29:08I don't want to play with the shrimp.
00:29:10Do you ever listen to whale music?
00:29:12Sorry?
00:29:14I'd like to be a whale or a dolphin, maybe.
00:29:16Because they have the greatest sex life.
00:29:18Whales, for instance, when they have sex,
00:29:20they have these little ridges in their body
00:29:22which are designed to just interlink.
00:29:24Then they just breeze out of the ocean
00:29:26and come together in perfect unison
00:29:28in a massive foaming eruption.
00:29:31It's a perfect match.
00:29:33It's like Sinatra and Nelson Riddle.
00:29:36What are you trying to say?
00:29:38Basically, do you fancy a shag?
00:29:42Well, yes, I do, but just not with you.
00:29:45Look, if you can't dance, you can't make love.
00:29:48No rhythm, no passion.
00:30:01What's your name again?
00:30:03Wayne!
00:30:08Where are we going?
00:30:10Your place.
00:30:19What is gravitas?
00:30:21Noble bearing.
00:30:23What do you say that I lack gravitas?
00:30:27Why do you let women speak to you like that?
00:30:29It's been cowardly overbite again, isn't it?
00:30:31Look, have I got gravitas or what?
00:30:33All men have got gravitas to a certain degree.
00:30:35Some more than others.
00:30:37Obviously, I've got more than me fair share,
00:30:39but then I've got Roman blood.
00:30:42The thing is, though,
00:30:44I can't be what she wants me to be.
00:30:46Don't try.
00:30:48But why bother?
00:30:50They always want what they can't have.
00:30:52When they have it, they don't respect it.
00:31:00So, where to?
00:31:04British Museum.
00:31:06British Museum?
00:31:08You, er, you like the British Museum, do you?
00:31:11Yeah.
00:31:13Haven't been for a long time.
00:31:15I like building marbles.
00:31:26What's all that?
00:31:29Dia de Muertos.
00:31:31What?
00:31:33Dia de Muertos, the Day of the Dead.
00:31:36It's in Mexico.
00:31:42This is one of the masks.
00:31:48Oh, right.
00:31:50It's the masks they wear during Dia de Muertos.
00:31:53Well, it's actually two days.
00:31:56I'd love to go to the Day of the Dead, wouldn't you?
00:31:59That's where they celebrate their dead relatives.
00:32:02Not like us, you see, they celebrate death.
00:32:04What's there to celebrate?
00:32:10What do you want?
00:32:12Yeah, I've got a dead relative.
00:32:14Not recently, like, er...
00:32:16Well, it's a while ago.
00:32:18You see, thing is,
00:32:20we need somebody to look after his grave.
00:32:24Any chance?
00:32:29This isn't a relative of yours, is it?
00:32:32You're lying, aren't you?
00:32:36Yeah.
00:32:39Yeah, you see, the thing is, er...
00:32:42Well, I've got a crush on you.
00:32:45It's more than a crush, it's a stampede.
00:32:48Yeah, I've got a stampede on you.
00:32:53Yeah.
00:33:11I'm sorry about last night.
00:33:13I'm not usually obnoxious.
00:33:15Well, I am sometimes.
00:33:18I, er...
00:33:21You're a classy lady.
00:33:23And, er, I don't normally meet classy ladies.
00:33:27Just broads.
00:33:34This is Raphael's portrait of the woman he loved.
00:33:38La Fornarina.
00:33:40Actually, he painted her over and over again.
00:33:43She was the love of his life.
00:33:45When he died, she draped herself over his coffin
00:33:48and wouldn't leave until the Pope ordered her to.
00:33:51Raphael was to be beatified,
00:33:53so he couldn't be seen to have any earthly desires.
00:33:56And their great love had to be denied.
00:34:04I think that's very romantic.
00:34:06She became a nun,
00:34:08spent the rest of her life in severe contemplation.
00:34:14Stupid cow.
00:34:16Have you never been in love, Eleanor?
00:34:19Nah.
00:34:22Too much choice.
00:34:35No, er, no, she was from Liverpool.
00:34:37No, her name was Maureen.
00:34:39Maureen?
00:34:40Yeah, well, there's no need to be like that, is there?
00:34:44How old was she?
00:34:50Hello? Er, don't know me, but...
00:34:52She left when?
00:34:54Oh, right, er...
00:34:56Yeah, I'm looking for a Maureen Docherty, yeah?
00:34:59No, I'm not selling anything, I just want to know if you've got a Maureen.
00:35:14I didn't know there were cabs today.
00:35:17Try El Corazon, mate.
00:35:19It's a nightclub.
00:35:21Just a ferry.
00:35:23What?
00:35:25What?!
00:35:44PHONE RINGS
00:35:50Hello, Fergus here.
00:35:57Hello, Fergus here.
00:36:08You needn't go to all this trouble for me, son.
00:36:11It's not for you.
00:36:13Go and go to the bingo with your pal, Irene.
00:36:16Meet me here.
00:36:18Irene who?
00:36:30Hello again.
00:36:32Thanks for coming.
00:36:41There you go. Back in a tick.
00:36:46Where's the chicken?
00:36:48I put it in the freezer.
00:36:50What?! It was in the oven!
00:36:52It'll go off.
00:36:55DOOR OPENS
00:37:08Can I help?
00:37:10You Irene?
00:37:12No, erm, everything's fine.
00:37:14It's just leaving.
00:37:16Going to come up for a bingo, darling?
00:37:20I don't cook much.
00:37:22Is it OK?
00:37:24Mmm. Mmm.
00:37:27Very nice.
00:37:32It's amazing what you can get from eating food though, isn't it?
00:37:35I mean, the diseases, it's just scary.
00:37:37What do you mean?
00:37:39Streptococcus.
00:37:41Bacteria that grows like beads on a string.
00:37:44One in ten people carry it in their mouth.
00:37:47It's like the things that create pus.
00:37:50You know, like, er,
00:37:52when you have an infection and you get pus, well,
00:37:55if it gets into food and you cook it,
00:37:57it just grows and grows.
00:37:59It only makes you as sick as a pig.
00:38:01Pus?
00:38:03Are we going to the bingo?
00:38:05Dad, this ain't Irene. This is Jocely.
00:38:08Chicken's the worst.
00:38:10It's almonella.
00:38:12You know, if you cook it from frozen, I'm sure you knew that.
00:38:15Don't eat that!
00:38:20Oh!
00:38:32Punch me.
00:38:34Just punch me as hard as you like.
00:38:36Like a rock, my stomach.
00:38:38Just punch. Punch.
00:38:40Go on, punch.
00:38:43Oh!
00:38:45Oh, Jesus!
00:38:47I... I punched him.
00:38:50Snowball.
00:38:526897. Anybody else?
00:38:5422. Roger, mate. Good night. Thank you.
00:38:57It's salsa they're doing there, isn't it?
00:39:00You any good, then?
00:39:02Tell you the truth, pal,
00:39:04I'm only going to get my hands on a very elegant lady.
00:39:07She's a real ring-a-ding-ding, you know.
00:39:09So what style is it, then?
00:39:11Cuban? Colombian?
00:39:14What?
00:39:19The tango is Argentinian.
00:39:21The bossa nova is Brazilian.
00:39:23The bomba is Puerto Rican.
00:39:25Oh, get your hips in there, mate. Swing your hips.
00:39:28That's it, yeah. All right, let's do a few basics.
00:39:30Hey, leave it at it.
00:39:32I thought you wanted to impress a lady.
00:39:35All right, I'll be the woman.
00:39:39OK.
00:39:42And you left.
00:39:44Back. That's it.
00:39:46Back. All right, now follow me.
00:39:49Good, good.
00:39:51All right, now back the other way.
00:39:53That's it.
00:39:55Want to try 12? Yeah.
00:39:59Brilliant.
00:40:01One more? Yeah.
00:40:04Yeah. Natural.
00:40:19Mmm.
00:40:23What?
00:40:25That was lame, man.
00:40:27It's not easy, you know.
00:40:29The faster the music, the shorter the steps.
00:40:31What did you want me to do, lie to you? It was terrible.
00:41:18You dancing?
00:41:28What?
00:41:30I thought we should speak a bit of Spanish.
00:41:32I do speak a bit of Spanish. You don't.
00:41:34I do? That was Portuguese.
00:41:36Oh.
00:41:40So?
00:41:42Gustavo del Alma Caramania?
00:41:47All right, what does that mean?
00:41:51I'm not sure.
00:42:01OK.
00:42:03I'm going to ask you a question.
00:42:06It's multiple choice.
00:42:09Salt is A. Pepper is B.
00:42:12Now, you don't even have to speak.
00:42:14All you have to do is pick up A or B.
00:42:20A is yes.
00:42:22And that's the salt.
00:42:24And B is nah, that's the pepper.
00:42:26Got that?
00:42:29Now...
00:42:31are you attracted to me?
00:42:33In the sense that you like me?
00:42:35And you want to see me?
00:42:37Not romantically.
00:42:39Or in a romantic sense.
00:42:41But maybe in the romantic sense.
00:42:43Or in the sense that it could be romantic.
00:42:46Meaning...
00:42:49Well, is there any part of you that feels something for me?
00:42:55Is there any interest at all?
00:42:58I mean anything.
00:43:07OK.
00:43:14Enjoy, man.
00:43:37A, B, C, D, E, F, G, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, A, B, C, D, E, F
00:44:07Tonight I am elegant. Tonight I am cool.
00:44:12You ever see Oceans Eleven?
00:44:14Sammy Davis Jr. says to Dean Martin,
00:44:17What would you do if you had a million dollars?
00:44:19Dean says, I would make all the women in the world my slaves.
00:44:23That's how I feel. Tonight they are all my slaves.
00:44:29Everybody okay here?
00:44:32Yeah, I just, I just hit someone I haven't seen for eight years.
00:44:42Hiya.
00:44:45Who am I?
00:44:48Vegas.
00:44:52Oh!
00:44:55Oh!
00:44:58Mo! Mo!
00:45:01Listen, look, I want to talk to you.
00:45:03Er, can I stay at yours?
00:45:05You are kidding.
00:45:06No, I'm on the couch, you know, look.
00:45:08I've come all this way just to see you.
00:45:09Taxi! Taxi!
00:45:10Talk to me, please!
00:45:15Your mate's still young.
00:45:21Thank you.
00:45:52A truck could come round that corner and kill us right now.
00:45:56A bus could blow a tyre, a head-on collision.
00:46:00A slate could fall off a roof and crash through your windscreen.
00:46:03Instant death.
00:46:06I can't stop thinking about these things.
00:46:10Morbidity.
00:46:12That's what you've got.
00:46:14Always imagining the worst.
00:46:16Just forget about it.
00:46:19Just forget about it.
00:46:21Because you're absolutely right, you know, anything could happen.
00:46:24You should live for the moment.
00:46:26I just think about the consequences of everything I do.
00:46:31Don't you do that?
00:46:33The consequences aren't always what you think they're going to be.
00:46:36That's the way I see it.
00:46:38So why worry?
00:46:43Oi, hang on a minute.
00:46:46This is mine.
00:46:48You've put on the beef.
00:46:51I've been thinking about you a lot.
00:46:53I haven't seen you on top of the pops yet.
00:46:56Ah, the band split off, you know.
00:46:58They were compromising me sound, a bunch of wankers.
00:47:01Remember when we went to see the...
00:47:03Before you start that, remember when we crap?
00:47:06I slipped your mind for eight years.
00:47:08Don't you think that's silly?
00:47:10Eight years? Don't you think that's slightly insulting?
00:47:15I loved the bones of you and you broke my heart, remember that?
00:47:19It's taken me years to get my self-respect back.
00:47:22You're not taking that away again.
00:47:24See you in the morning.
00:47:26Don't even think about any lobby creeping, all right?
00:47:30DOOR SLAMS
00:47:38Another cover?
00:47:40Why not?
00:47:43Dance with me, make me sway
00:47:47Like the lazy ocean hugs the shore
00:47:51Hold me close, sway me more
00:47:55Like a flower bending in the breeze
00:47:58Bend with me, sway with ease
00:48:02For every dance you'll have a wave with me
00:48:06Stay with me, sway with ease
00:48:10Our princes may be on the floor
00:48:14But my eyes will see only you
00:48:18Only you have the magic technique
00:48:22When we sway, I go wee
00:48:26Keep the noise down, will you? I'm trying to sleep.
00:48:29God, have you got any paracetamol anywhere?
00:48:32The kitchen's mine, get out!
00:48:34I've got a splitting headache, OK?
00:48:36I'm sorry, I didn't realise he had a flatmate.
00:48:39I'm not his flatmate, darling. I'm his ex-wife.
00:48:46Kitchen's mine, out!
00:48:48When I'm good and ready.
00:48:50We're not married!
00:48:52We're separated. We live together separately.
00:48:55Isn't that right?
00:48:57If you say so, yeah.
00:49:00What's the address here?
00:49:06You have a fight?
00:49:08Mind your own business.
00:49:10It is my business, look.
00:49:14Faster! Faster!
00:49:23DOG BARKS
00:49:36I hate to tell you this, but I think this place is haunted.
00:49:39Two little girls in Edwardian dresses skipping in your living room.
00:49:43It was like I was seeing them through my eyelids. It was really scary.
00:49:49I couldn't sleep with you, could I?
00:49:53DOOR SLAMS
00:49:56That chemist's open. Can you stop?
00:50:15You're saying you have to tidy up?
00:50:22DOOR SLAMS
00:50:27Are you all right?
00:50:29What are the pills?
00:50:31Just take me home. You tell me what the pills are first.
00:50:34It's John's fucking water. It's a fucking herb, OK?
00:50:41You know, you've been in this cab ten times.
00:50:44No, I haven't. Yes, you have.
00:50:46Ten or twelve times.
00:50:48I've noticed not once have you ever said a civil word to me.
00:50:55I've noticed a lot about you, Eleanor.
00:50:58Just driving you.
00:51:00More than you think.
00:51:02Feels like I know you.
00:51:04You don't know me.
00:51:06I know your surname is Conroy.
00:51:10I know you don't drive. I know you don't drink that much.
00:51:13I know where you work. I know what you do there.
00:51:16I know what perfume you wear. It's Chanel.
00:51:20I know your favourite restaurant. I know you like salsa.
00:51:23I know you're lonely.
00:51:26I am not fucking lonely.
00:51:29I do not want to be in a relationship.
00:51:31Is that so hard to understand?
00:51:35Cups make me sick.
00:51:38Eating off each other's plates, finishing each other's sentences,
00:51:41pooling their resources.
00:51:46In the dictionary, right, the word love has more definitions than any other.
00:51:52Well, fuck me over the hostess trolley, you don't say.
00:51:55OK, what's so great about being on your own?
00:51:58Oh, well, where do I start?
00:52:00I don't have to tell somebody where I'm going to be every minute of the day.
00:52:03You don't have to listen to them talking about their old girlfriends.
00:52:06Watch what you want on TV, pick your own friends.
00:52:09You don't have to watch football or hockey or rugby or tennis
00:52:15or boxing or Grand Prix racing or...
00:52:18But they all come under sport. OK, OK.
00:52:21You don't have to...
00:52:26That it?
00:52:40OK.
00:52:48WHISTLES
00:52:55Tabasco.
00:53:04Celery.
00:53:10LAUGHS
00:53:15Oh, fuck.
00:53:18Oh, fucking hell.
00:53:21GASPS
00:53:27Oh!
00:53:29Oh!
00:53:33GASPS
00:53:40MILK POURS
00:53:42Milk?
00:53:44I thought you'd remember I don't take milk.
00:53:48Sugar.
00:53:49I'd seen you remember how many I take.
00:53:52How am I supposed to remember how many sugars you take, you prick?
00:53:56You just fucked off and left me without a word. Nothing!
00:54:00Oh, it's all right, just relax.
00:54:02What are you doing here?
00:54:04We don't know each other any more. You're a stranger to me.
00:54:09All right.
00:54:10Just because you've become a born-again romantic, don't think I have.
00:54:14I'm happy.
00:54:16I just wanted to see you.
00:54:18Why?
00:54:19Because I know I made a mistake.
00:54:21Look, you know, not a month has gone by that I didn't think about you.
00:54:26A month?
00:54:28Only once a month?
00:54:30All right, a week.
00:54:32I'm serious, that's why I came looking for you.
00:54:35I would have won, though.
00:54:37Eh?
00:54:39You're my soul mate.
00:54:42Beat it, Fergus, before I really lose my temper.
00:54:46Come on.
00:54:47Go!
00:54:59Fucking great.
00:55:00What have you done?
00:55:02Oh, good one!
00:55:05Give us a knife, will you, and I'll wedge it open.
00:55:07Just open the door and get out!
00:55:09What do you think I'm saying I do?
00:55:11Oh, fuck this.
00:55:16Takes a special kind of person to forgive.
00:55:30Look, it's a friend's flat.
00:55:32It's a friend's flat!
00:55:34She's a friend!
00:55:35Phone her up! Why don't you phone her up?
00:55:37Give me her number, then.
00:55:39Close friend.
00:55:44Two sugars, please.
00:55:47What I'm after is big band night.
00:55:49See where I'm going?
00:55:51The Nelson Riddle, Richard Wise sound.
00:55:53Take a standard, punch it up.
00:55:55See, they had the sound.
00:55:57Punchy, jazzy.
00:55:59Sinatra, we're talking Darren.
00:56:01We're talking class.
00:56:30MUSIC PLAYS
00:56:43Target approaching.
00:56:46How much?
00:56:48I don't know, man. Wait, wait.
00:56:54That could be the full 300.
00:56:57Just wait.
00:57:01She's coming your way. Strike.
00:57:18Oh, shit!
00:57:27Hi, I got a message from Frankie to meet him here.
00:57:30Could you give him these and tell him I couldn't stay?
00:57:33Yeah, I'll tell him.
00:57:40L is for the way you look at me
00:57:45O is for the only one I see
00:57:53V is very, very extraordinary
00:57:59E is even more than anyone that you adore
00:58:05And love is all that I can give to you
00:58:11Love is more than just a girl for two
00:58:18Two, and love can make it
00:58:21Take my heart and please don't break it
00:58:24Love was made for me and you
00:58:30L is for the way you look at me
00:58:35Look at me, baby.
00:58:36O is for the only one I see
00:58:42V is very, very, very extraordinary
00:58:48E is even more than anyone that you adore
00:58:54And love is all that I can give to you
00:59:00Love is more than just a name for two
00:59:05It's real, baby!
00:59:06Two, and love can make it
00:59:09Take my heart and please don't break it
00:59:12Love was made for me and you
00:59:18Love was made for me and you
00:59:24Love was made for me and you
00:59:39Frankie, the fact that you can sing L-O-V-E is touching.
00:59:46It's touching, but it's not enough.
00:59:52You live with your ex-wife.
00:59:55You don't have any money.
00:59:58You think you're Dean Martin's love child.
01:00:04Really?
01:00:06Well, this is your last chance.
01:00:10I mean, you know, you're a classy broad,
01:00:13but this is your last chance.
01:00:16It's now or never.
01:00:17I mean, I'm yours, but only right now.
01:00:20It's up to you, baby.
01:00:24Oh, well, that's my life.
01:00:27Bye.
01:00:35PHONE RINGS
01:00:42I'll catch ya!
01:00:49You OK?
01:00:53I think my boyfriend just tried to mug me.
01:00:56You can't trust anybody these days.
01:00:58Well, he's not my boyfriend as such.
01:01:00But you know him.
01:01:03It was his eyes.
01:01:05They're brown.
01:01:07A little mark in the left iris.
01:01:17I saw you today.
01:01:29I'm not interested!
01:01:32That's an understandable reaction, but it'll pass.
01:01:36See this man here? He jilted me.
01:01:39We were going to get married,
01:01:41and he left me a week before the wedding.
01:01:43Didn't you?
01:01:44No!
01:01:45Don't fucking lie!
01:01:47All right, I did. I did. I did it. All right?
01:01:50Now he's trying to worm his way in again.
01:01:52What a sad prick.
01:01:54Look, it was panic.
01:01:55Hey, I wasn't ready.
01:01:57I did you a favour. I'm a better person now.
01:01:59You've got to talk to me.
01:02:00Well, that's my point, isn't it? I can talk now.
01:02:03I was immature.
01:02:05And me a kid.
01:02:06And me a wanker.
01:02:11Stay!
01:02:21May the love of God and the peace of the Lord Jesus Christ
01:02:25bless and console us...
01:02:30..and gently wipe every tear from our eyes.
01:02:39Hello? Love Ones Limited?
01:02:41Hello, Jocelyn?
01:02:43Jocelyn, are you there?
01:02:47The name of the father of the sons...
01:02:52Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
01:02:59Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go
01:03:29I'm a thief. That's what I do, I steal.
01:03:31Look, it's the only thing I'm good at.
01:03:33I'm not even very good at that.
01:03:43Tom?
01:03:45You look good.
01:03:47Say that to me again later when I'm pissed.
01:03:49I might be in with a chance.
01:03:55Let's get married.
01:03:57I'm serious.
01:03:59What do you want most out of life, Fergus?
01:04:03Huh?
01:04:05A Grammy.
01:04:08Wrong answer.
01:04:09No, after you, obviously.
01:04:12Obviously.
01:04:15I never used physical violence, guns, anything like that.
01:04:18Just claw it for you.
01:04:18Oh, I am impressed.
01:04:20Well, I didn't know it was you.
01:04:29Let's go, this is so much better.
01:04:41I mean, fucking hell, everybody steals.
01:04:43What?
01:04:44Well, if people didn't steal, the insurance companies would go out of business.
01:04:48Imagine what that would do to the economy.
01:04:50Stock market, pension funds.
01:04:52I mean, chaos.
01:04:54I'm providing a service.
01:04:56Chaos.
01:04:57I'm providing a service.
01:04:59Think about it.
01:05:00Everybody overcharges.
01:05:02Everybody diddles tax.
01:05:04Everybody steals.
01:05:05Everybody.
01:05:07That ain't a good reason not to go out on me.
01:05:09You should go out on me.
01:05:10Really?
01:05:11Well, I'd rather be dead.
01:05:14Well, you might as well be.
01:05:15All your friends are.
01:05:21Are you too sweet?
01:05:22I'm sorry.
01:05:24I'm sorry.
01:05:27Where are you going?
01:05:28This is to you.
01:05:30You haven't danced yet.
01:05:33It's okay, I'm fine.
01:05:35I'm over you.
01:05:42So, who wants to be dropped first?
01:05:47Fun night, girls.
01:05:51You married, Jimmy?
01:05:54Married for years.
01:05:56Happy?
01:05:59We were. We were very happy.
01:06:02Were?
01:06:04I lost her about two years ago.
01:06:09So, why do you say you're still married?
01:06:13It doesn't mean I'm not.
01:06:15I still love her.
01:06:19So, is that her?
01:06:21Yeah, that's Ella.
01:06:23I took that.
01:06:24It's beautiful.
01:06:28You don't go out with other people, then?
01:06:30I'd be pretending.
01:06:34People have to move on, don't they?
01:06:36I mean, she'd hate you to be alone, wouldn't she?
01:06:40I don't feel alone.
01:06:43There's only so many people you could love that way,
01:06:45and I don't expect it to happen again.
01:07:25You, shift.
01:07:28Get out.
01:07:31There's a chance of a couple.
01:07:35Come on, darling.
01:07:36If only I could get some cheese on toast.
01:07:38Just piss off, will you?
01:07:40Go.
01:07:42Home.
01:07:46Let me tell you something about women.
01:07:48They're filthy.
01:07:49Whatever preconception you may have had of the first sex,
01:07:52get rid of it.
01:07:54They're filthy, filthy, filthy.
01:07:56I do know that.
01:07:58It's painfully obvious you do not know that.
01:08:00It's painfully obvious you haven't got a clue.
01:08:01I did know that.
01:08:03Let me explain further.
01:08:05Women don't fall in love.
01:08:06They're too smart.
01:08:09They waste stuff up, the pros, the cons.
01:08:11That.
01:08:11Why not?
01:08:12Ever read The Selfish Gene?
01:08:15You should read that.
01:08:16The Selfish Gene.
01:08:18You see, women don't fall in love.
01:08:19It's not altruistic.
01:08:19It's genetically designed to look after number one.
01:08:23It's all about mutual benefit.
01:08:26Love doesn't exist, as we know it.
01:08:29To me.
01:08:31You should read it.
01:08:33I'd lend you my copy, but...
01:08:36it's mine.
01:08:49I lied about the band.
01:09:09Chucked me out.
01:09:12I've got someone young.
01:09:13There's some bloody hands behind her.
01:09:19I've never met anyone that made me feel the way you do.
01:09:21You know, and I regretted leaving you as soon as I did it.
01:09:25I thought I'd be all rock and roll.
01:09:27Didn't want any complications.
01:09:31Forget you always take what's inside you wherever you go,
01:09:33and I always took you.
01:09:35I've changed.
01:09:39You know, I was in a mad situation.
01:09:41Something made me laugh.
01:09:42Things getting weird.
01:09:44I'd imagine you were there.
01:09:45Imagine the look on your face.
01:09:48I'd talk to you.
01:09:51I'd have some good laughs with you when you weren't there.
01:09:56I was ambitious for all the wrong things.
01:09:59Now I'm just ambitious for the things that should be easy,
01:10:02you know, happiness, contentment, kids.
01:10:07I've missed you so much.
01:10:12I missed you.
01:10:17If we did get back together, these are the rules.
01:10:20We can stay over only one night at a time.
01:10:22Same Monday and Friday nights.
01:10:25Personal life on a meet and end basis.
01:10:27No phone calls after midnight, and I can see other people.
01:10:30No way.
01:10:31Right, we both can see other people.
01:10:34Right, yeah.
01:10:35For the first two months.
01:10:36Three.
01:10:37Ten weeks.
01:10:39Okay.
01:10:40Oh, and you have to learn salsa.
01:10:41Yeah, and you can't mention the past more than once a week
01:10:43for the first ten weeks, and then after that, never.
01:10:47It's a deal.
01:10:49Like Hitler style in practice, isn't it?
01:10:52So how many people have you been with?
01:10:55Not in eight years.
01:10:56Well, you know, serious relationships.
01:11:00You know, twenty.
01:11:03Twenty?
01:11:05For fuck's sake, twenty?
01:11:07Yeah, in eight years.
01:11:08What, twenty serious relationships?
01:11:12What about one night stands?
01:11:15Double that.
01:11:16Okay, now that's like sixty people.
01:11:19Yeah, in eight years, Bergus.
01:11:23That's astounding.
01:11:25I've been careful.
01:11:27How about you, in a band?
01:11:29Yeah, well, I had a few.
01:11:31It was the drummer that got all the action, to be honest.
01:11:33Who knows why, he'd come play the drums to save his life.
01:11:36Yeah, well, maybe I was looking for something to fill up my life.
01:11:40Yeah, fucking right, you must have a fanny like a bill poster's bookers.
01:11:43What did you just say?
01:11:45No, I meant, you know, you must be...
01:11:47Oh, seals off.
01:11:50Mo, come on.
01:11:53Mo, look, I take that back, that was unnecessary, I take it back.
01:11:55You've already broken our agreement.
01:11:57I didn't even know it had started, did I?
01:11:58I mean, it should have started at midnight or something.
01:12:00It starts now, okay?
01:12:01Yeah, okay now.
01:12:04I suppose we should go to bed, shouldn't we?
01:12:07Just to make sure.
01:12:09Yeah, definitely, make sure, yeah.
01:12:16Concentrate.
01:12:18Hey, Jimmy.
01:12:19It's this woman, isn't it, this green thing, she's fucking you up.
01:12:21Just leave it, will you?
01:12:23Got a job on?
01:12:24Yeah, these guys are coming tomorrow.
01:12:26Right.
01:12:28Busy day, mate?
01:12:30No, it's dead.
01:12:33Go through the park, mate, I've just got to drop someone off.
01:12:36What, in the park?
01:12:37Yeah.
01:12:40All right.
01:12:43Just pull up here, mate.
01:12:51Come on.
01:12:56You move a muscle and I'll break his fucking neck.
01:12:59Do something!
01:13:00Go!
01:13:01Go!
01:13:02Go!
01:13:03Go!
01:13:04Go!
01:13:05Go!
01:13:06Go!
01:13:07Go!
01:13:08Go!
01:13:10Grab the...
01:13:13You little prick!
01:13:14I could see that coming a mile off.
01:13:16Oh, fuck, it's you, isn't it?
01:13:18Chloroform, man.
01:13:19What does she see in you?
01:13:20What are you talking about?
01:13:21You know who I'm talking about, Jocelyn.
01:13:23You don't deserve her.
01:13:29Shit.
01:13:32I don't understand a fucking thing.
01:13:35What's wrong?
01:13:38Relax.
01:13:39You just feel pressurised because you're being marked out of ten.
01:13:42Marked?
01:13:43Judged, then.
01:13:44Well, so are you.
01:13:46Why, we're head on forwards.
01:13:47Yeah, well, there'll be a later stage, don't worry.
01:13:49It's just the situation.
01:13:51Don't patronise me.
01:13:53Anyway, where'd you learn that?
01:13:54What?
01:13:55That, with the fucking toothpaste.
01:13:56I thought my knob was going to have a stroke.
01:13:58I think it has.
01:14:00You're a nasty little bastard, aren't you?
01:14:04What?
01:14:07I'm a nasty little bastard.
01:14:10This is a joke.
01:14:13We can't turn the clock back, Fergus.
01:14:16We'll never get it together.
01:14:22Just get dressed and go.
01:14:28I'm sorry.
01:14:32Just relax, all right?
01:14:35Now, listen.
01:14:36You've got to pack it in.
01:14:37The thieving.
01:14:38You've got to get yourself a job.
01:14:39I'm dyslexic, you know?
01:14:40Vic of shit.
01:14:41Who'd employ me, eh?
01:14:42Don't give me that.
01:14:43You just like the rush.
01:14:44What you do is harder than working.
01:14:45I know that.
01:14:46Piece of advice, yeah?
01:14:47I'm sorry.
01:14:48I'm sorry.
01:14:49I'm sorry.
01:14:50I'm sorry.
01:14:51I'm sorry.
01:14:52I'm sorry.
01:14:53I'm sorry.
01:14:54I'm sorry.
01:14:55I'm sorry.
01:14:56I'm sorry.
01:14:57I'm sorry.
01:14:58I'm sorry.
01:14:59I'm sorry.
01:15:00I'm sorry.
01:15:01Piece of advice, yeah?
01:15:02Let her give you the rush.
01:15:11Oh, hi.
01:15:12Erm, is Frankie in?
01:15:26Afternoon.
01:15:29What time is it so you're not interested in me anymore is that it
01:15:40Excuse me well
01:15:43Yeah, I
01:15:45mean
01:15:47You were and now you're not it's just a passing infatuation is that right is that the story
01:15:53If I can say that for me it was just a shag
01:15:59Yeah, me too, it was nothing meaningless
01:16:02Well, I want to say he's meaningless exactly. Well, no, not meaningless. It's just not very important, but but fun
01:16:09Um, excuse me. That's information that I don't need
01:16:13so
01:16:14well
01:16:17Can we talk about this later
01:16:22You know where to find me
01:16:30I
01:16:55Houston you heading home
01:17:00So it wasn't that simple after all
01:17:07You should make a gesture mate I'd like a sacrifice do something to show she's the most important thing in your life
01:17:15We've got all the answers on you
01:17:17You
01:17:33What's this with yeah a lot
01:17:36It's a 1956 Gibson. You know, it's it's yours for nothing mine
01:17:42What do I have to do for it?
01:17:44Just teach me to dance
01:17:46If you want
01:18:16Oh
01:18:46I
01:19:16Oh
01:19:36That's tricks then
01:19:39Well, I'm getting married as it goes not to that strappy jolly only challenge Harvey
01:19:45I've had enough of your comments. I no longer have any faith in your knowledge of women whatsoever
01:19:50Is that a fact? Yeah, you're jealous. You just want a bit of what I've got
01:19:53You want a stroppy bird you crave to be stropped about put a bit of sauce in your life
01:19:59Jealousy you mean you know, you got me all wrong. It just eats you up, doesn't it?
01:20:03You're a delusional fool
01:20:05Women are fighting a guerrilla war the tactics are dirty. They take no prisoners. I
01:20:10I freely admit that I'm a pussy holic, but rather that than pussy whipped a pussy on it. All right
01:20:15When was the last time you had a shack?
01:20:19Well, wait
01:20:21Doesn't deserve reply when your nights Thursday
01:20:26You're on all night Thursday I
01:20:29meant Wednesday
01:20:31You don't know anything about women. Do you you're scared of them face it. We can't live without women. We need them
01:20:37Hmm just accept it, mate
01:21:07I
01:21:14Got a son called Eddie. I know that's who I mean you go in some place the beach
01:21:23Shit dad get in here. Come on
01:21:29Put some clothes on will ya I met him at Kings Cross cheese. We'll come in
01:21:38No, thanks, I'm looking for work, you know
01:21:41New leaf and all that good
01:21:43So can we start again?
01:21:45from the beginning
01:21:47Like you stealing my purse
01:21:49All right. Well, we're from before the beginning then
01:21:54That means we've never met so you don't even exist as far as I'm concerned
01:21:57Well, let's pretend you brought Barney home and we just met
01:22:01So see I wouldn't have brought him home because I wouldn't have known where you lived
01:22:04What I well, let's say he told you where I lived and this is it first meeting
01:22:10If this was our first meeting I wouldn't be impressed and I wouldn't hang about you don't know that I do know that
01:22:34I
01:23:04I
01:23:34I
01:24:05What's that present
01:24:12Let's go to the day of the dead
01:24:16Sure, you can't they crash we'll get a boat
01:24:23Said compete you with diseases
01:24:34I
01:24:41Lied when I said I was over you
01:24:50You're not I can't see it
01:24:54And I hope you realize that familiarity breeds contempt
01:24:59I
01:25:03Don't know why don't you give yourself and the rest of the world a break?
01:25:13Don't
01:25:22You've been taking lessons
01:25:25Where'd you get the money?
01:25:28So my guitar
01:25:32You know when you've made a mistake you get panic attacks
01:25:37Feel sick in your stomach as you know for the rest of your life, you'll only feel half of what you could have felt
01:25:44Well like that for the last eight years
01:25:58I
01:26:08Mean why why buy this? Why are you so interested in me? Don't you like it?
01:26:14It's the best present anyone's ever bought me
01:26:18What's wrong with that I'm a weirdo look if you like me you must be a weirdo as well
01:26:23I
01:26:36Never wanted what other people wanted until now until you
01:26:42You can't steal. I'll get a job. You can't change me. Don't want it
01:26:50You can't die before me
01:26:53Even think about
01:27:23Oh
01:27:48Would you like to dance
01:27:53I
01:28:23I
01:28:53I
01:29:23Know what you're looking for
01:29:53Oh
01:30:17No, sir, I don't feel very much like talking
01:30:24Walking you wanna know if I can dance
01:30:31Yes, sir
01:30:40But I will give you one more chance
01:30:53Oh
01:31:23Oh
01:31:53You