#johncleese #fawltytowers #bbc https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5domZkB-eRa6BuFOO8OXaQ
Over his wife's objections, Basil hires his usual firm of incompetents (O'Reilly's) to do some carpentry work in the hotel lobby. With both Basil and Sybil out for the afternoon, they leave Polly in charge. She decides to have a nap, leaving the English-challenged Manuel in charge. When Basil returns, he finds a solid wall where once stood doors to the dining room and still no door to the kitchen per his work order. Sybil takes an I-told-you-so attitude and insists he hire a qualified builder to fix the mess, but Basil decides to get O'Reilly back to right the wrong, but he still makes a mess of it as well.
Starring: John Cleese, Prunella Scales, Andrew Sachs, Connie Booth
Over his wife's objections, Basil hires his usual firm of incompetents (O'Reilly's) to do some carpentry work in the hotel lobby. With both Basil and Sybil out for the afternoon, they leave Polly in charge. She decides to have a nap, leaving the English-challenged Manuel in charge. When Basil returns, he finds a solid wall where once stood doors to the dining room and still no door to the kitchen per his work order. Sybil takes an I-told-you-so attitude and insists he hire a qualified builder to fix the mess, but Basil decides to get O'Reilly back to right the wrong, but he still makes a mess of it as well.
Starring: John Cleese, Prunella Scales, Andrew Sachs, Connie Booth
Category
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Sorry I forgot my key. Oh thanks. Thank you. Hello, Fawlty Towers. Yes. Yes. No this afternoon
00:17that'd be fine. No it's 16 Elwood Avenue. 16 that's it. Thank you. You can't put these
00:26outside, don't you my dear? Polly, this is where we'll be if you need us. There's the
00:30number. So if Mr. Stubbs wants to know anything when he comes, just ring. But don't if you
00:34don't have to love. It's the first weekend we've had off since Audrey had her hysterectomy.
00:37Don't worry. I know what they've got to do. Oh somebody called about a garden gnome. Oh
00:41yes. Well it's in and they're going to deliver it this afternoon. Oh good. Golf shoes. Good
00:47morning Major. Very well, thank you. Now does everyone know about dinner tonight? I think
00:54so. But you'll be able to manage breakfast tomorrow, will you? I was just the ladies
00:57in the major. Where are those shoes? One moment please. I will get your bill. Manuel. Get
01:04your bill. I will get your bill. Get. Get. Go. Go. Get. Get. Go. Go. That's it. I will
01:09get your bill. Polly. Oh Manuel. Put those in the case. You. Will you come with me? Ah
01:16now Manuel. One moment please. I will get your bill. I will get your bill. See. What
01:23are you talking about? Listen now please. Today we have beef bill orthophys. Bankers.
01:30Shut up. Eh? Shut up. Oh si si. Shut up. Yes I understand. Will you please shut up? Si
01:35si. I shut up. Now while we're away. Shut up. Shut up! Now while we're away. Gone. Clean
01:40the windows. Ah look. Cuando nosotros somos away. What's away in Spanish? Ah? You know.
01:47Away. Away. Oh si si. No no. While we're away. Clean the windows. Green. No no. Look.
01:54Clean the windows. Clean. Clean. The windows. Ah! Morning Fogley. Morning Major. The windows.
02:05See. Look. Clean the windows. Si si. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come.
02:09Oh Mr. Fawlty. Ah good morning ladies. Ursula and I think you're a very naughty boy. Don't
02:14you Ursula? Oh God. Oh really? Going away for the weekend and leaving us all alone.
02:19Ah yes. Ah but we know where you're going. The cat's out of the bag. You and your wife.
02:25Well it's very painful. Ah we'll have a lovely time. It will do you good. You need to get
02:31away from things. Yes well we're going together. And don't you worry about us. Oh alright.
02:37Now you know the Mayor coming to do some work here. Oh yes. So you have to go to Glen Eagles
02:41for your din-dins tonight. Yes. And Polly will be in charge if you need anything. Oh we'll
02:45have a lovely weekend. And don't do anything we wouldn't do. Oh just a little breathing
02:51surely. Ah well I must buzz off now. Buzz off? Yes you do have it. A babbity bumble.
02:57Oh buzz buzz buzz buzz. Polly I have asked you please not to leave your strange drawings
03:02lying around the place. I mean I'm sorry what is this supposed to be? Oh it's just a sketch.
03:06But I mean what is it? What are you trying to do? This is a junkyard isn't it? Oh can
03:09I have it? Why has it got a collar and tie under it? Well it's not finished. It's very
03:12good you know. Old soup tins, broken down car, dustbins, mattresses, hoovers and a nice
03:16smart collar and tie underneath. I mean what's it supposed to be? It's not important. Can
03:20I have it back? It's irritating. I mean do you ever sell any of those? I sell a few portraits
03:24now and again thank you. I haven't much hope for this one. Would you give me that stapler
03:28please? I mean what is the point of something like that? No point. No point? Well what's
03:31the point in being alive? Beats me you're stuck with it I suppose. Would you give me
03:34the stapler please? You don't go on at me. The stapler. Sorry. I mean what's the matter
03:41with you today? I didn't get much sleep last night. Well we are leaving you in charge.
03:45I didn't do it to spite you I promise. Oh good well you won't talk to Taz will you?
03:49Won't he Taz? Basil. Who is it? It's Mr. O'Reilly Basil. That's odd. It must be about
03:55the garden wall. Hello O'Reilly? Now look when you come in to finish our garden wall
04:00we are sick and tired of having that pile of bricks blocking the list and I told you
04:02not to call you. You know my wife thinks Stubbs is doing the doors. Well what time
04:06will they be here then? Right four o'clock. Now listen if there's any problems tell your
04:10men to get Polly to call me. You understand? So next week's definite then is it? Oh good
04:14well that'll be nice won't it? I mean we waited for that wall about as long as Hadrian. No
04:19no Hadrian. The uncle Hadrian. It doesn't matter I'll explain next week. Thank you so
04:24much. Goodbye. You don't really believe all that do you Basil? We've been waiting four
04:28months. Why should he do it now? Oh I think he will this time dear. If you'd used Stubbs.
04:32We'd have a huge bill. Look you get what you pay for O'Reilly's a cut price cock-up artist.
04:36Oh Sybil. Stubbs you may pay a little more. A little more? Yes a little but he does a
04:41really professional job and he does it when he says he will. You'll see. When is he coming?
04:47Oh about four o'clock I think dear. And you're going to wear that jacket are you? Yes I am
04:51thank you dear. You just haven't a clue have you? You wouldn't understand dear it's
04:55called style. They're here Basil. How fabulous. Do try to be agreeable this weekend Basil.
05:04Now have I got everything? Handbag, knuckle dusters, flick knife. Come on Basil don't
05:10hang about. I'm just coming dear. Quick Polly. Now Polly the men will be here at four o'clock
05:17you know what they're doing? Well they're putting the door through to the kitchen. At
05:19the bottom of the stairs and? And? And blocking the drawing room door. Blocking it? Just blocking
05:23it off girl so we get a bit of privacy away from the plebs. Don't you take anything in?
05:26Where's my cap? Oh and one other thing when the men come there won't be Stubbs's there
05:30will be O'Reilly's. Where is he? What? O'Reilly? Yes yes. Does Mrs. Forty know? I don't know
05:35I probably I wouldn't mention it though they don't quite hit it off together. But do you
05:37know that? Look I had to change it. Stubbs has got a virus or something. Well she said
05:39you were never using him again. I don't want to be responsible. Look he's sending his best
05:42man. All you have to do is take a quick look when they finish. Alright any problems call
05:45me. Right have a nice weekend. Goodbye. If she asks me I'll tell her. Oh thank you. Thank
05:49you Polly so much. Yes I've always been a great admirer of yours. I forget. Oh it doesn't
05:57matter Manuel. Huh? D'you know him? Oh err. Oh he's Mr. Fawlty. Shhh. Windows please.
06:11Oh Polly he's finished. I'm tired. Oh that's wonderful Manuel. Just hold it a second. Que?
06:23I quiero subir para dormir. Oh no no no please you must speak me English. It's good I learn.
06:27I want to go upstairs in a moment. Eh que? I go upstairs. Ah she is easy. For a little
06:35sleep. It's difficult. For siesta. Siesta? A little sleep? Yes. Ah same in Spanish. When
06:42O'Reilly's men come you must wake me. Buen hora please men. Oh si. No ma'am well listen.
06:47When men come here. Senor O'Reilly. Ah when men come. You come upstairs and wake me up.
06:54Despierte me. Ah si. When men come I subire a tu cuarto a despertarte. Antes que empiecen
06:59a trabajar aqui. Si? Comprendo comprendo. Finished. Eh? Oh good. Manuel. Yes. Manuel
07:16Towers. How are you? It's nice. Good day. Good. Goodbye. Ah good day. Hello. How are
07:28you? Number 16. Si Sistine but no eat. What? Sistine is free but not possible. Is this
07:36number 16? No no this lobby. Sistine upstairs on right. Who's in charge here? No no charge
07:43later after sleep. Where's the boss? Eh boss is eh. Oh. I boss. No no no no. Where's the
07:51real boss? Que? The generalissimo. Madrid. Look just sign this will you? Si si si. Eh
08:04Sistine. What? You want room Sistine? No I don't want a roommate. I'm just leaving in
08:11You want room Sistine for him? Yes with a bath. You dag old twit. You mad. You mad. You
08:18pay for room first. You crazy. No room Sistine. No room Sistine. No no pay. No room Sistine.
08:24Ah. Ah. Ah. Eh. Eh. Fawlty Towers. How are you? Nice day. Eh no. No no. He not here.
08:35He not here. Very very sorry. Eh goodbye. Goodbye. Oh. Ah. Hello men. Today now. Eh
08:43you are men. You what? You are men. Are you trying to be funny? Huh? I said are you trying
08:49to be funny? Not here Spud. Not here. You are men with Orly. What? You Orly men. What
08:53does that mean? You Orly. You watch it. We're Orly. What's he going on about? He means
08:58I'm Orly. What? Oh. Yes that's right yes. We are Orly men. He's a plank. Here please
09:09you wait. Eh. Eh. Eh. You wait too please. Polly. Polly. Polly.
09:31Fawlty Towers. How are you? It's a nice day. Oh you again. No I say he not here. He not
09:45here. Very very sorry. Goodbye. You men know what to do? Oh I think so. This is the dining
09:54room. You are certain you know? It looks pretty straight forward. We just got to block this
09:58Yes. Yes. Yes. Oh it's you again. Now listen. He not here. How many times? Where are your
10:04ears you great big half-wit? He not here. Listen. Now you understand. He. Oh. Oh. Oh
10:16Mr. Fawlty. I'm very sorry. Very sorry. It's you? Yes. It's me Mr. Fawlty. Eh. Polly. No
10:23no. She very busy. Eh. Men. Yes men are here. Men are work. You work men. Yes. Which. Ah.
10:32Yes. Man with beard. Please which one is man with beard? Eh. He. Si. Si. He. Ag. Ang.
10:40Ang. Si. Si. Comprendo. Si. One moment please. Eh. You are a hideous orangutan.
10:50Not bad Manuel. Thank you very much.
11:22Polly. Polly.
11:42Polly. Manuel. Polly. What have you done with my hotel? Polly. What have you done to my hotel?
12:00What? Look. Oh it's nice. I like it there. Ouch. You are hurting me. What have you done
12:05with my dining room door? Where is it? I don't know. Why don't you know? I left you in charge.
12:09Well I fell asleep. You fell asleep? Well it's not my fault. You fell asleep and it's not your fault?
12:13You forgot to wake me. Who forgot to wake you? It is my fault. Manuel I knew it. Manuel.
12:18Don't blame him. Why not? It's not really his fault. Well whose fault is it then you clothier
12:23bint Dennis Comptons? Well you hired O'Reilly didn't you? I mean we all warned you. Who else
12:29would do something like this? I beg your pardon? You hired O'Reilly. Oh I see it's my fault
12:35is it? Oh of course. There I was thinking it was your fault because you were left in
12:39charge. Or Manuel's fault for not waking you and all the time it was my fault. Oh it's
12:44so obvious now. I've seen the light. Well I must be punished then mustn't I? You're
12:48a naughty boy Polly. Don't go to sleep. What am I going to do? She's going to be back at
12:54lunch time. I can't wait. Look I'm a dead man. Do you realise? Easy. You're dead too
12:59but all dead. Don't panic. What else is there to do?
13:05You've got to call O'Reilly. He's made a mistake. I'm going to call O'Reilly now. I'll just
13:14call O'Reilly now then. Come on.
13:26Right I'll call O'Reilly.
13:29What is this? I mean what is this doing here?
13:33Your wife ordered it. Call O'Reilly. That goofy puffer. I don't know what she wants.
13:39Call O'Reilly. What? Shall I call him? No no I'll do it. I'll call him. You go and see
13:43if the roof's still on.
13:51What are you doing? Stay there. You can't do that now.
13:55Go and see if they've started breakfast now.
14:01Ah hello Mr O'Reilly. I'm fine this morning. Oh good good. No rare diseases or anything.
14:08Oh I do beg your pardon. Basil Forty. You remember? The poor sod you do jobs for.
14:14Well now how are things your end? Oh good. Good good good.
14:20Well now how would you like to hear about things my end? Oh well up to your usual standard
14:25I think I could say. A few holes in the floor. The odd door missing but nothing you can't
14:29be sued for. Good morning. I beg your pardon? Good morning. One moment please.
14:38What did you say good morning? Si. I see. Well what are you going to do now then?
14:43Hey what you do now? I shall have breakfast. Ah well let's see then.
14:54Where is door? Door is gone. The odd door was here.
15:04Good morning Major. I'm so sorry. I'm afraid the dining room door seems to have disappeared.
15:09Oh yes. Oh yes. So it has. It used to be there. Yes well I was silly enough to leave the hotel for a few minutes.
15:14Yes well these things happen you know. Now I wonder where it's gone to.
15:19Oh well don't worry. It's bound to turn up. Has the newspaper arrived yet?
15:23Not yet no Major. Manuel will you please show the Major how to get in the dining room via the kitchen?
15:27Please keep it going. Oh Major will you please show Manuel how to get in the dining room via the kitchen?
15:31Oh yes. Yes of course. Come here. Come on. Watch your head.
15:35Now look here everybody. I want my dining room door put back in and this other one taken away by one o'clock. Do you understand?
15:41No no. I don't want to debate about it. If you're not over here in 20 minutes with my door I shall come over there and insert a large garden gnome in you. Good day.
15:50I'm sorry Mr Fawlty but my men just won't work on a Sunday and that's the way it is. There's nothing I can do about it.
15:56Well how long is it going to take you? Well I'm working as fast as I can.
15:59Well it better be fast enough. I mean she is here in four hours.
16:02Tia. What? Fruit and pepper frango. Oh lovely.
16:05He hasn't got time to drink that now. Biscuit. Oh these look good.
16:08Now will you get on with it. Look look look. This lot here an hour and a half. This one easy. Liqueur paint. Liqueur paint. Liqueur paint one hour.
16:15What time is it now? Ten to nine. Alright ten to nine and two and a half hours is plenty of time. Give us a business.
16:21No no. You can have one when you've done the door. Polly take them away. You can have that when you've finished the door too.
16:25The trouble with you Mr Fawlty is that you worry too much. You keep it up like this and you'll have a stroke before you're 50.
16:31Stone dead you'll be. Suits me. That's a dreadful thing to say.
16:35Get a bit of peace. Don't be so morbid. The good lord made the world so that we could all enjoy ourselves.
16:40Look my wife enjoys herself. I worry. Well let me tell you if the good lord meant us to worry he would have given us things to worry about.
16:47He has. My wife. She will be back here in four hours and she can kill a man at ten paces.
16:53One blow off a tank. How am I supposed not to worry? Just remember Mr Fawlty there's always someone worse off than yourself.
17:00Is there? Well I'd like to meet him. I could do with a laugh. You just have to worry for the both of us.
17:04I'm telling you if the good lord. He's mentioned once more I shall move you closer to him. Now please.
17:11Mr Fawlty she's here. What? She's here. Oh god.
17:16Charm your man if I'll just get him.
17:25Quick hide, hide. What? Hide. I'll try and get rid of her hide. Where? In there. I'll try and stall her.
17:32Hello Sibyl. Hello Basil. Well you finished your girls early. We haven't started yet Basil.
17:38Where are you going dear? Up these steps. Oh don't do it. It's such a lovely day. Let's go for a walk. We haven't done that for years.
17:43Oh Sibyl. I nearly forgot. You're not going to believe this. Let me show you. Here. Look at that.
17:51There are stubs for you. Mind you I warned you but still a reputable builder like that.
18:00Stubs? Wicked. Where's O'Reilly Basil?
18:09Hmm? Where's O'Reilly? O'Reilly? Yes O'Reilly.
18:17Sibyl you never cease to amaze me. I mean just because of this you automatically assume it has to be O'Reilly right?
18:23I mean you just assume that I have been lying all along right? I mean what? Why O'Reilly? Because his van's outside.
18:30Well he's here now. Of course he's here now. He's got to clear up this mess that your stubs has made. That's why his van's outside.
18:37On a Sunday. I mean that's what I call service. I agree. You do? Yes. But if stubs has made this mess then I think they should come and clear it up.
18:44Well yes but I mean there's no point now that O'Reilly's here dear. I mean we want it done straight away.
18:48Yeah well there's no point in paying money to Mr. O'Reilly when Mr. Stubs would have to do it for free. I'll call him now.
18:52Well he won't be there on a Sunday dear. Well then I'll call him at home.
18:57Getting a bit of a chip from the old leg this morning. Not to worry. Anyway I've called him at home and he's not there.
19:03When did you call him? Oh first thing before I called O'Reilly. Wasn't that rather early for a Sunday?
19:07Well I called him just a few minutes ago just before you arrived. There's nobody there.
19:09Oh yes hello Fawlty Towers yes. Who?
19:17Yes I think you better have a word with my wife. Somebody for Mr. Stubs dear.
19:23Hello Sipple Fawlty. Well it is a complete mess. Well could you come straight round and put it right?
19:30Would you like to deal with this Basil? So you see we couldn't possibly manage it for at least three weeks.
19:36But if you want it done straight away I suggest you try someone like oh what's his name? It's O'Reilly.
19:44Bravo Polly. Well done girl. But listen where are you speaking from?
19:48She's in here with me Basil.
19:52Well I should have told you. Is there somebody there trying to pretend that they're from Mr. Stubs' company?
19:56What sort of game do you think you're playing? I mean dear, dear. Would you believe what some of these people do Sipple?
20:01I am going to make you regret this for the rest of your life Basil.
20:04Well fair enough I suppose but I think Stubs is partly to blame. Basil!
20:07Don't you dare, don't you dare give me any more of those pathetic lies. Oh right.
20:12Well tell me Fawl. Did you really think that I would believe that this shambles is the work of professional builders?
20:18I mean people who do it for a living. No no not really no.
20:21Why did I trust you Basil? Why did I let you make the arrangements? I could have seen what was going to happen. Why did I do it?
20:27Well we all make mistakes dear.
20:29You never learn do you? You never ever learn.
20:33We have used O'Reilly three times in the last year and each time it has been a fiasco. That wall out there is still not done.
20:40You got him in to change a washer in November and we didn't have any running water for two weeks.
20:43Well he's not really a plumber dear.
20:45Well then why did you hire him? Because he's cheap.
20:48Oh I wouldn't call him cheap. Oh what would you call him then?
20:51Well cheapish but I mean.
20:53No the reason he's cheapish is he's no bloody good.
20:55Oh sorry don't exaggerate. I mean he's not brilliant.
20:58Not brilliant he belongs in a zoo.
21:00Oh I'm sorry. You've only won the benefit of the doubt.
21:03He's shoddy, he doesn't care, he's a liar, he's incompetent, he's lazy, he's nothing but a half-witted thick Irish joke.
21:08Oh hello Riley how funny we were just talking about you and then we got on to another Irish builder we used to know. Oh God he was awful.
21:15I was talking about you Mr O'Reilly.
21:17Were you dear? I thought you were talking.
21:19Come come Mrs Forty. I'm coming.
21:22Oh dear me what have I done now?
21:24That and that. Not to worry I'm putting it right.
21:27Not to worry? You've heard of the genius of the lamp Mrs Forty? Well that's me.
21:33You think I'm joking don't you?
21:35Oh don't smile.
21:37Why are you smiling Mr O'Reilly?
21:40Well to be perfectly honest Mrs Forty I like a woman with spirit.
21:44Oh do you? Is that what you like?
21:46I do, I do.
21:47Oh good.
21:49Now come on that's enough.
21:52Come on then give us a smile.
21:57O'Reilly I have seen more intelligent creatures than you lying on their backs at the bottom of ponds.
22:01I have seen better organised creatures than you running round farmyards with their heads cut off.
22:05Now collect your things and get out.
22:08I never want to see you or any of your men in my hotel again.
22:12Now if you'll excuse me I have to speak to a professional builder.
22:16Hello Mr Stubbs? It's Sybil Fawlty here. I'm sorry to disturb you on a Sunday morning.
22:20We have a slight problem with a couple of doors we'd like you to take care of.
22:23When do you think you could come round and take a look at them?
22:27Tomorrow morning at nine o'clock. That'll be fine. See you then. Thank you very much. Goodbye.
22:34Well I think I shall go over to Audrey's now and I shan't be back till the morning.
22:38Oh Basil.
22:39Yes dear?
22:40What is that doing here?
22:41It's your garden home dear. Isn't it nice?
22:43Well don't you think it would be better in the garden?
22:45Is there? Good idea.
22:46Oh no no no Basil. Put him back. On second thoughts I think I'll leave him in charge.
22:50I'm sure he's cheap and he'll certainly be better at it than you are.
22:55Have a nice day dear. Don't drive over any mines or anything.
23:00Toss it you midget.
23:01Where are you going?
23:03Would you please take your tools back and continue with the work?
23:06Well I can't infer what Mrs Fawlty was saying.
23:08You're not going to take that seriously are you?
23:10Well I thought I might.
23:11You thought you might. What sort of a man are you O'Reilly? Are you going to let her speak to us like that?
23:15Well she did.
23:16No she didn't. She thinks she did. But we'll show her.
23:18We're not just going to put that door back and take that one out.
23:20We're going to clean that one off and put that one through as well.
23:22We're going to do the best day's work you've ever done O'Reilly.
23:31Manuel. Any sign?
23:32No. No. No.
23:34Morning Fawlty.
23:35Ah morning Major. Table secure.
23:37Ah good.
23:38Notice anything new Major?
23:39Another car strike.
23:41Never mind. Never mind.
23:42Morning Major.
23:43Oh good morning.
23:44Never mind.
23:45Oh right.
23:48Ah you found it.
23:49I knew you would.
23:51He lost it you know.
23:53Mr Fawlty she's come now. She's come now.
23:55Quick. Quick.
24:09Morning dear.
24:16Did you have a pleasant evening dear?
24:18Very good.
24:19Ah Mr Stubbs. My wife says there.
24:21Thank you.
24:22Good morning Mrs Fawlty.
24:23Oh Mr Stubbs. This is most awkward.
24:25I'm afraid I have to apologise.
24:30My husband has put me in rather an embarrassing situation.
24:34My husband has put me in rather an embarrassing situation once again.
24:38I was going to ask you to do some work here.
24:40Yes.
24:41But I was away last night and when I came back just now well it appears to have been done.
24:45Everything alright dear?
24:46Oh I see.
24:47I mean it'll probably all fall down by lunchtime.
24:49Oh do you think so dear? Well let's ask a real expert.
24:51Do you think it'll all fall down by lunch Mr Stubbs?
24:53No. No.
24:54No Mr Stubbs wouldn't agree with you on that one dear.
24:56It's a very good job.
24:57Oh did you hear that dear? Very good job.
24:59Oh did you hear that dear? Very good job.
25:01Oh none of us likes being wrong dear. I certainly don't.
25:04And then we knock through this door here and we close this one off.
25:07What did you use? RSJ?
25:09No. No. 4 by 2. Not bad eh dear? And not expensive.
25:13No I mean for the lintel. Did you use an RSJ? You know an iron girder?
25:17Or did you use a concrete lintel?
25:19No a wooden one.
25:21But that's a supporting wall.
25:23What?
25:24Well thanks very much for coming over this morning.
25:27Just a minute. You mean that isn't strong enough?
25:29That's a supporting wall Mrs Fordy. It could give away at any moment.
25:32Any moment?
25:33Yeah good up the floors above.
25:35Look keep this door shut and get a screw jack to prop it up before the bloody lock comes in.
25:39I don't know cowboys.
25:41Basil!
25:43Basil!
25:44Basil!
25:47I'm going to see Miss Fort Riley dear.
25:50I think I might go to Canada.