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Chapters

0:00 - Introduction
1:14 - Real-Time Relationships (RTR) Concept
2:38 - Manipulation in Relationships
4:32 - Avoiding Honesty in Relationships
5:19 - Defining Love in RTR
6:17 - Reducing Desire to Control Others
7:03 - Blaming Others for Emotions
7:23 - Responsibility for Our Emotions
8:02 - Dealing with Relationship Conflicts
9:08 - Both Sides Winning in Conflict
10:23 - Strengthening Relationships Through Conflict
11:01 - Handling Criticism in Relationships
11:57 - Addressing Hurtful Remarks
13:00 - Addressing Betrayal in Relationships
13:53 - Parenting Through RTR
15:41 - Simon the Boxer's Story
17:19 - Recognizing Unhealthy Relationships
18:05 - Dealing with Ongoing Parental Abuse
19:50 - Changing Habits for RTR
21:00 - Storytelling About Emotions
22:42 - Thoughts Precede Emotion
23:48 - Overcoming Girlfriend's Defenses
25:39 - Managing Emotional Reactions
27:02 - Common Defenses in RTR
27:56 - Opposite of Real-Time Relationships

Long Summary
In this episode, Stephen Molyneux from Freedomain delves into the concept of Real-Time Relationships (RTR). RTR emphasizes communication based on honesty and empirical evidence in personal interactions. The approach encourages individuals to express their true thoughts and feelings in the moment, fostering genuine communication. The episode discusses how RTR can help solve conflicts by promoting direct and honest communication, opposing manipulative behaviors, and addressing the avoidance of honesty in relationships.

Furthermore, the episode explores how RTR defines love as a response to virtue, discusses controlling emotions through open communication, and delves into the impact of childhood trauma on adult behavior using the story of Simon the Boxer. It also touches upon identifying unhealthy relationships, addressing ongoing abuse, and changing habits to align with RTR principles. The episode provides insights on storytelling about emotions, the concept that thoughts precede emotions, and overcoming emotional defenses in relationships.

Listeners learn strategies to avoid reacting emotionally to others, handle criticism constructively, and the importance of self-reflection in managing emotional responses. The episode also lists typical defenses from RTR such as minimization, denial, counter-attack, and aggressive appeals, highlighting the significance of honest and direct communication in fostering healthier relationships. Additionally, a contrast is drawn between the principles of RTR and statements opposing its core values, emphasizing the benefits of open communication and empathetic understanding in building meaningful connections.
Transcript
00:00 All right everybody, Stephen Molyneux from Free Domain and we are going to take for a
00:07 test run the real-time relationships AI.
00:11 So for those of you who don't know, about 15 years ago I wrote a book called Real-Time
00:15 Relationships which was how to have positive, honest, moral relationships and generally
00:22 the idea is that you tell people what you think, you tell people what you feel but you
00:27 don't jump to the conclusions, you don't say "I'm mad because you did this", you say "I'm
00:33 upset" or "I'm mad" but you refuse to say the conclusion because the only honest thing
00:38 to say is that you're mad and to say that you know exactly what the conclusion is, is
00:43 not usually very accurate.
00:44 So real-time relationships, you tell people how you're feeling and what you're thinking
00:49 in real-time and what you do is you negotiate, like what could be causing it, I don't know,
00:56 one side or the other, right?
00:57 So here we've got this bot, shall we say, tell me about real-time relationships.
01:06 What's it going to say?
01:15 Real-time relationships RTR is a concept that emphasizes honesty and empiricism in personal
01:20 interactions.
01:21 It is based on the principles that thoughts precede emotions and that honesty requires
01:25 communicating our thoughts and feelings not just our conclusions.
01:29 This approach encourages individuals to express their true thoughts and feelings in the moment
01:32 fostering more genuine and liberated communication between people.
01:36 The RTR approach is likened to the scientific method applied to relationships where curiosity
01:40 and empirical evidence are used to explore and understand interpersonal dynamics.
01:44 It challenges individuals to confront discomfort directly rather than avoiding it which can
01:48 lead to more meaningful and resolved interactions.
01:52 All real-time relationships aim to free individuals from the metaphorical slavery of inauthentic
01:57 communication promoting a more truthful and fulfilling way of relating to others.
02:00 So a typical thing is you manipulate people.
02:02 I mean we all have that habit, we all do it from time to time but you manipulate people.
02:07 So as a woman you might be upset with something your husband did or your boyfriend did and
02:12 you'll just be kind of cold and punish him and slam cupboards and so on rather than being
02:16 direct and honest about, you know.
02:19 So this happened after this not necessarily because of this.
02:23 So if you say well I was mad because you did X, Y and Z you're saying that you know the
02:27 causality and you know why you're mad and you know what happened.
02:31 But then of course if you're very good at figuring out why you feel things then you
02:35 should be at least honest about explaining what's going on.
02:40 I mean what's the point of knowing what you feel and why if it doesn't give you any control.
02:44 So generally people are kind of manipulative about this stuff.
02:47 So for instance how does real time relationships solve conflict?
03:01 See what it says.
03:05 I'm going to try some individual ones to see how this goes.
03:10 Real time relationships solve conflict by promoting direct and honest communication
03:14 of thoughts and feelings in the moment.
03:15 This approach is based on the principles that thoughts precede emotions and that honesty
03:18 requires communicating these thoughts and feelings rather than just conclusions.
03:23 By encouraging individuals to express what they truly think and feel when they experience
03:27 it, RTR helps prevent misunderstandings and builds a foundation for resolving conflicts
03:31 more effectively.
03:33 This method fosters a deeper understanding and connection between individuals as it allows
03:37 each person to respond genuinely to the other's expressed thoughts or emotions.
03:41 How does, I think it'll take RTR, oppose manipulations?
03:57 Maybe that's a good question, maybe it's a bit esoteric, let's see.
04:02 All right, real time relationships oppose, it's a bit plural, oppose manipulations by
04:08 promoting honesty and transparency in communication.
04:10 In RTR individuals are encouraged to express their true thoughts and feelings in the moment
04:13 rather than hiding them or manipulating others through deceit or half-truths.
04:18 This approach helps to dismantle manipulative behaviors by fostering a culture of openness
04:22 and authenticity where each person's genuine responses are valued and respected.
04:26 By being honest about one's own experiences and emotions RTR reduces the opportunity for
04:29 manipulation and builds healthier more genuine relationships.
04:34 Why do people avoid honesty in relationships?
04:40 Fair question, let's see what we get.
04:49 People often avoid honesty in relationships because it can be painful and uncomfortable
04:52 to confront and discuss true feelings and issues.
04:55 Honesty can expose vulnerabilities and insecurities leading to fear of judgment, rejection or
05:00 conflict.
05:01 Additionally some individuals might prefer the short-term relief of avoiding difficult
05:03 conversations which can provide a temporary sense of peace or stability even though it
05:07 may prevent long-term resolution and understanding.
05:10 This avoidance can be seen as a way to protect oneself from immediate emotional discomfort
05:14 but ultimately it ultimately hinders the development of a genuinely secure and intimate relationship.
05:21 How does RTR define love?
05:27 In the context of real-time relationships love is defined as our involuntary response
05:38 to virtue if we are virtuous.
05:40 This means that love is not just a random emotion but a response to recognizing and
05:44 valuing virtue in others which aligns with our own virtuous nature.
05:47 If we are virtuous we naturally respond positively to virtue in others much like cheering for
05:52 a team who we support.
05:53 Okay that's fair.
05:54 So there's something about control.
06:01 How does RTR help reduce our desire to control others?
06:18 Real-time relationships helps reduce our desire to control others by fostering a culture of
06:22 honesty and vulnerability by encouraging individuals to express their true thoughts
06:25 and feelings in the moment RTR promotes understanding and empathy which can diminish the need to
06:29 control.
06:30 When people feel understood and accepted for who they are they are less likely to feel
06:33 threatened or insecure which are common triggers for controlling behavior.
06:37 Additionally RTR emphasizes the importance of recognizing and respecting each person's
06:42 autonomy and boundaries which further helps in reducing tendencies to control others.
06:47 Okay why do people blame others for their own emotions?
06:58 Let's see what we got here.
07:04 People often blame others for their own emotions because it is easier than discussing their
07:07 feelings in an open and vulnerable way.
07:10 Blaming others can serve as a way to avoid the discomfort and challenge of introspection
07:13 and personal accountability.
07:14 This approach can lead to dysfunctional and unfulfilling relationships as it prevents
07:18 genuine understanding and resolution of underlying issues.
07:21 Yeah not too bad.
07:25 Are other people responsible for our own emotions?
07:40 No other people are not responsible for our own emotions.
07:43 Emotions result from our own thoughts and beliefs about a situation not directly from
07:46 the actions of others.
07:47 While someone's actions might trigger an emotional response it is our interpretation and perception
07:52 of those actions that ultimately determine how we feel.
07:55 This understanding is crucial in real-time relationships as it emphasizes personal responsibility
07:59 and self-awareness in managing one's emotional responses.
08:03 That's very good.
08:04 How does RTR help solve this conflict?
08:28 Ah it's a two right so it would be nice rather than just theory if we put something practical
08:34 in.
08:35 In the context of real-time relationships solving the conflict about the toilet seat
08:41 would involve honest and direct communication about your feelings and thoughts.
08:45 Instead of reacting defensively or dismissing your wife's requests you could express how
08:48 you feel when she nags you and discuss why this particular issue is important to her.
08:54 For example you might say when you remind me about the toilet seat I feel nagged and
08:57 it bothers me can you tell me why it's important to you that the seat is down.
09:01 This opens up a dialogue that focuses on understanding each other's perspectives and finding a mutually
09:05 agreeable solution rather than just reacting to the behavior.
09:09 How do both sides in a conflict win in RTR?
09:18 And it's good because it says the toilet seat I feel nagged and it bothers me not you're
09:26 nagging me.
09:27 I feel I'm angry because you're nagging me because that's a false statement.
09:31 In real-time relationships both sides in a conflict can win by engaging in honest and
09:35 open communication about their immediate thoughts and feelings rather than focusing on conclusions
09:39 or accusations.
09:40 Yeah all conclusions are accusations.
09:43 This approach allows each person to express their perspective without judgment or blame
09:47 fostering understanding and empathy.
09:49 By focusing on how each person feels in the moment and discussing these feelings openly
09:53 both parties can gain a deeper understanding of each other's experiences and viewpoints
09:56 which can lead to mutually beneficial resolutions.
09:59 This method not only resolves the conflict but also strengthens the relationship by building
10:03 trust and honesty.
10:04 Okay let's see in RTR do conflicts strengthen or weaken a relationship?
10:24 Let's see.
10:28 In real-time relationships conflicts can actually strengthen a relationship when they are approached
10:32 with honesty and a willingness to understand each other's perspectives.
10:35 By communicating openly about thoughts and feelings in the moment conflicts become opportunities
10:39 for growth and deeper connection.
10:40 This process helps build trust and mutual respect as both parties learn more about each
10:44 other's needs boundaries and values.
10:47 Thus when handled constructively conflicts in RTR do not weaken relationships but rather
10:50 enhance their strength and resilience.
10:52 Yes very very true.
10:56 Let's see here.
11:02 I get angry when my wife criticizes me.
11:09 How can RTR solve this?
11:14 Oh should be criticized it's not criticized.
11:20 In real-time relationships you would address the situation by openly communicating your
11:23 feelings when your wife criticizes you.
11:25 Instead of reacting defensively or harboring resentment you could express your feelings
11:28 honestly by saying something like "when you criticize me I feel angry".
11:32 This approach encourages you to state your feelings without blaming her for them acknowledging
11:36 that your emotional response is your own.
11:38 By doing so you invite an open dialogue where both of you can explore the underlying issues
11:43 more deeply.
11:44 Perhaps as a way she can provide feedback that doesn't trigger an angry response or
11:47 maybe discussing why certain criticisms make you feel angry can lead to a better understanding
11:52 between both of you.
11:54 This honest and direct communication can help resolve the conflict and strengthen your relationship.
11:58 All right and my wife is angry because I told her she acts just like her crazy mother.
12:12 Help me please.
12:20 Let's see to get to the limit.
12:26 In the context of real-time relationships it's important to address the situation by
12:29 openly communicating your feelings and thoughts and also being receptive to hearing your wife's
12:33 perspective.
12:34 Start by acknowledging your wife's feelings and expressing regret for the impact of your
12:37 words.
12:38 Why I say something like "I realize now that saying you act like your mother upset you
12:43 deeply and I'm sorry for hurting you.
12:44 I'd like to understand more about why this upset you and discuss how we can communicate
12:48 better in the future".
12:49 Encourage an open dialogue where both of you can share your feelings and thoughts without
12:53 judgment.
12:54 This approach not only helps in resolving the immediate conflict but also strengthens
12:57 your relationship by fostering honesty and empathy.
12:59 Not bad, not bad.
13:01 My husband had an affair and my heart is broken.
13:17 How can RTR fix this?
13:28 In the context of real-time relationships addressing the pain of an affair involves
13:31 open and honest communication about your feelings.
13:33 It's important to express your heartbreak directly to your husband explaining how his
13:35 actions have affected you emotionally.
13:38 You might say something like "I feel deeply hurt and betrayed by the affair and I need
13:41 to understand why it happened".
13:43 This approach encourages a dialogue where both of you can share your thoughts and feelings
13:46 openly.
13:47 It's crucial for your husband to be honest about his reasons and for both of you to explore
13:50 the underlying issues in the relationship that may have contributed to the affair.
13:54 Through this process RTR aims to foster understanding, healing and potentially a path forward whether
13:58 that means reconciliation and rebuilding the relationship or parting ways with a clear
14:02 understanding and respect for each other's feelings.
14:05 How does RTR help the parent child help me parent my children?
14:24 Real-time relationships can help you parent your children by encouraging you to communicate
14:27 honestly and openly about your feelings and thoughts in the moment.
14:30 This approach fosters a deeper understanding and connection between you and your children
14:33 as it emphasizes empathy and genuine dialogue.
14:35 By modeling this behavior you teach your children the importance of expressing their own feelings
14:39 and thoughts directly and respectfully.
14:42 This can help them develop emotional intelligence, better interpret interpersonal skills.
14:47 Additionally RTR encourages addressing conflicts and misunderstandings as they arise which
14:51 can help maintain a healthy and supportive family environment where each member feels
14:54 heard and valued.
14:55 But how can RTR help me control my anger?
15:07 RTR can help you control your anger by encouraging you to express your feelings honestly and directly
15:15 as they occur.
15:16 Instead of suppressing your anger or reacting impulsively RTR suggests stating your feelings
15:20 clearly and calmly.
15:21 For example you might say I feel angry when this happens because this method allows you
15:26 to acknowledge and address your emotions without blaming others which can lead to a more constructive
15:31 resolution and a better understanding of your own emotional triggers.
15:35 By practicing this approach you can gain greater control over your reactions and develop healthier
15:39 communication skills.
15:40 Right okay so yeah tell me about Simon the boxer it's a really good analogy and I use
15:45 it quite a lot in the show I'm talking about these things so it's probably helpful to know.
15:50 Simon the boxer's story illustrates the psychological impact of childhood abuse and how it can shape
15:54 behaviors and choices in adulthood.
15:57 As a child Simon experienced physical abuse which instilled in him a deep-seated fear
16:01 of violence however as he grew older he unconsciously sought out the very environment he feared
16:05 violence because it provided him with a sense of control and efficacy that he lacked in
16:09 other areas of his life.
16:11 Simon's involvement in boxing and his reliance on the adrenaline and endorphins released
16:14 during violent encounters became a way for him to manage his anxiety and regain control.
16:19 This cycle of seeking out violence to alleviate feelings of helplessness and anxiety highlights
16:23 the addictive nature of such behaviors.
16:25 Each instance of returning to violence reinforces dependency on it to cope with his fears and
16:29 insecurities.
16:30 The moral of Simon's story is a cautionary tale about the dangers of unresolved trauma
16:35 and how it can lead individuals to recreate harmful patterns.
16:38 It underscores the importance of addressing and healing from past abuses to break free
16:43 from destructive cycles that may feel temporarily comforting but ultimately perpetuate pain
16:47 and fear.
16:49 Simon's story serves as a reminder of the profound long-term effects of childhood trauma
16:53 and the complex ways individuals cope with deep-seated fears and insecurities.
16:59 Okay, so how about how do I know if it is unhealthy to continue a relationship?
17:20 And these are things I don't specifically remember from a book I wrote close to 20 years
17:23 ago.
17:24 All right, in real-time relationships determining if it is unhealthy to continue a relationship
17:30 involves assessing the honesty, communication and mutual respect within the relationship.
17:35 Key indicators of an unhealthy relationship include persistent feelings of unhappiness,
17:40 disrespect, manipulation and a lack of open and honest communication.
17:43 If conflicts are frequent and not resolved constructively, if there is a pattern of blame
17:47 or avoidance of responsibility or if you feel that your true self is not valued or understood
17:52 these are signs that the relationship may be unhealthy.
17:55 It's important to reflect on whether both partners are willing to address these issues
17:58 through honest and empathetic communication.
18:00 If there is a willingness to change and work through problems together there may be a path
18:05 forward.
18:06 However, if these efforts are one-sided or ineffective it might be necessary to consider
18:10 the health and sustainability of the relationships.
18:13 Let's try my parents say I am an adult my parents continue to abuse me what should I
18:34 do?
18:43 In the context of RTR dealing with ongoing abuse from parents as an adult involves setting
18:47 clear boundaries and communicating your feelings honestly.
18:50 It's important to express how their actions affect you and to assert your needs directly.
18:53 For example, you might say when you do specific abusive behavior I feel hurt and disrespected
18:58 I need specific change in behavior in order for our relationship to continue.
19:03 If the abuse continues despite your efforts to communicate and set boundaries it may be
19:06 necessary to consider limiting or ending contact with your parents.
19:09 Protecting your emotional and mental well-being is crucial and in some cases distancing yourself
19:13 from toxic relationships is the healthiest choice.
19:16 It is also beneficial to seek support from friends other family members or a professional
19:19 therapist to help you navigate this challenging situation.
19:22 Quite right, quite right.
19:24 That's pretty good.
19:28 What do I have here?
19:33 What bad habits do I need to change in order to do RTR?
19:51 To effectively practice RTR you need to change several habits that inhibit honest and direct
19:56 communication.
19:57 Here are some key habits to consider changing.
19:59 1.
20:00 Avoiding difficult conversations.
20:02 RTR requires facing uncomfortable truths and discussing them openly.
20:06 Avoiding difficult conversations can prevent genuine understanding and resolution.
20:10 2.
20:11 Blaming others.
20:12 Instead of blaming others for your feelings or situations RTR encourages taking responsibility
20:15 for your own emotions and expressing them without accusation.
20:18 3.
20:19 Making assumptions.
20:20 Jumping to conclusions about others intentions or feelings can lead to misunderstandings.
20:24 RTR promotes asking questions and seeking clarity from others perspectives.
20:28 4.
20:29 Suppressing emotions.
20:30 Holding back your true feelings can hinder the authenticity of your relationships.
20:34 RTR advocates for expressing your emotions as they are in the moment.
20:38 5.
20:39 Storytelling or creating narratives.
20:41 Instead of sticking to the facts of your experience creating stories or narratives around your
20:45 emotions can distort communication.
20:47 RTR encourages, sorry emphasizes sticking to the factual experience of your emotions
20:51 without adding interpretations or conclusions.
20:54 By working on these habits you can foster a more honest, direct and fulfilling way of
20:59 relating to others as advocated by real-time relationships.
21:01 Okay, give me examples of storytelling about emotions.
21:14 Not bad at all, not bad at all.
21:18 In the context of real-time relationships storytelling about emotions refers to creating
21:22 narratives or explanations for our feelings that may not accurately reflect the true source
21:26 or nature of these emotions.
21:27 Here are some examples of storytelling about emotions.
21:30 1.
21:31 Blaming others for our feelings.
21:32 For instance saying "you make me so angry" instead of acknowledging that the anger is
21:35 a response to your interpretation or perception of someone's actions.
21:39 2.
21:41 Justifying emotions with external circumstances.
21:44 For example claiming "I'm upset because it's raining on my wedding day" instead of addressing
21:48 the underlying disappointment and how you're handling it internally.
21:50 3.
21:51 Creating reasons for feelings that avoid self-reflection.
21:54 Saying things like "I'm stressed because my job demands too much" without considering
21:58 personal boundaries or why you might be allowing your job to overtake other aspects of your
22:01 life.
22:02 4.
22:03 Attributing emotions to unchangeable traits such as stating "I'm just a jealous person"
22:07 instead of exploring why you feel jealousy and how you might address the insecurity or
22:11 fear driving that emotion.
22:13 These examples show how storytelling about emotions can obscure the real issues and prevent
22:19 genuine understanding and resolution in relationships.
22:22 RTR encourages addressing emotions directly and honestly without the layers of narrative
22:25 that can distort communication.
22:28 Give me some examples of how thought precedes emotion.
22:43 In RTR the concept that thoughts precede emotion is central.
22:47 Here are some examples illustrating how our thoughts can directly influence or create
22:51 our feelings.
22:52 Sports game reaction.
22:53 Consider two friends, Bob and Doug, watching a hockey game where Canada plays the United
22:58 States.
22:59 Bob cheers every time Canada scores because he supports Team Canada.
23:01 Doug, on the other hand, cheers for the United States.
23:04 The same event, a goal scored, triggers different emotional responses based on their individual
23:07 thoughts and allegiances.
23:09 This shows that the emotion, cheering, is a result of their thoughts or beliefs about
23:12 which team they support, not directly from the action of scoring.
23:15 2.
23:16 Passport anxiety.
23:17 In another example, a person needed to fly to Paris but couldn't find their passport.
23:21 Initially the thought was "I must go to France" and created significant anxiety and tension.
23:27 However, upon reframing the thought to "either I will find my passport and go or I will not
23:32 find it and won't go" the tension significantly reduced.
23:35 This change in thought directly influenced the emotional response shifting from anxiety
23:38 to calmness.
23:39 These examples demonstrate how altering our thoughts about a situation can lead to different
23:44 emotional outcomes, emphasizing the power of our mindset and shaping our emotional experiences.
23:49 How can I best overcome my girlfriend's defenses?
24:04 Let's say emotional defenses.
24:14 To best overcome your girlfriend's emotional defenses, as suggested by RTR, it's important
24:18 to approach the situation with openness, empathy and honesty.
24:20 Here are some steps you can take.
24:22 1.
24:23 Encourage open communication.
24:24 Create a safe and non-judgmental space for her to express her feelings.
24:28 Let her know that it's okay to share her thoughts and emotions without fear of criticism or
24:31 dismissal.
24:32 2.
24:33 Express your own vulnerability.
24:35 Share your own feelings and vulnerabilities.
24:36 This can help to lower defenses as it demonstrates trust and the safety to be vulnerable.
24:43 3.
24:44 Listen actively.
24:45 Pay close attention to what she says without planning your response while she is speaking.
24:48 Show that you are listening by nodding, maintaining eye contact and summarizing her points to
24:52 ensure you understand her perspective.
24:55 4.
24:56 Ask open-ended questions.
24:57 Encourage deeper exploration of her feelings and thoughts by asking questions that require
25:00 more than a yes or no answer.
25:02 For example, "What makes you feel that way?" or "Can you tell me more about that experience?"
25:06 5.
25:07 Avoid pressuring for immediate change.
25:10 Emotional defenses are often built over a long time and may not disappear quickly.
25:15 Be patient and supportive, allowing her to process and open up at her own pace.
25:19 6.
25:20 Reflect on emotional triggers.
25:21 Help her identify what triggers her defensive reactions.
25:25 Understanding these triggers can provide insights into her emotional responses and how they
25:29 might be addressed or reassured.
25:31 By applying these principles from RTR, you can help your girlfriend feel more understood
25:35 and less defensive, fostering a healthier, more open relationship.
25:37 Alright, let's do one more.
25:40 How can I avoid reacting emotionally to others?
25:55 To avoid reacting emotionally to others, RTR suggests focusing on honest and direct communication
25:59 about your feelings as they arise.
26:01 Here are some steps you can take.
26:03 1.
26:04 Recognize your emotions.
26:05 Before reacting, take a moment to identify what you are feeling.
26:08 Understanding your emotions can help you communicate them more clearly and avoid impulsive reactions.
26:12 2.
26:13 Pause before responding.
26:15 Give yourself a moment to process your emotions.
26:17 This pause can prevent immediate emotional reactions and help you respond more thoughtfully.
26:21 3.
26:22 Express your feelings clearly.
26:24 Use "I" statements to express how you feel without blaming others.
26:27 For example, say "I feel upset when" instead of "You make me feel" "You make me upset because"
26:32 Right, that's the conclusion.
26:34 4.
26:35 Seek to understand.
26:36 Try to understand where the other person is coming from.
26:37 This can help de-escalate emotional reactions and lead to more productive conversations.
26:41 5.
26:42 Practice self-reflection.
26:43 Regularly reflect on your emotional responses and consider why certain interactions trigger
26:47 strong emotions.
26:48 This self-awareness can help you manage your reactions in future situations.
26:52 By applying these principles, you can work towards more controlled and thoughtful interactions,
26:57 reducing the likelihood of emotional reactions that might disrupt communication and relationships.
27:02 Oh yeah, listed typical defenses from RTR.
27:06 This is a, you can ask for examples from each.
27:08 These are some typical questions and we'll throw a few in there.
27:11 Right, so, minimization, self-pity, a denial, counter-attack, genial blankness, yeah, framing,
27:23 aggressive appeals to compassion, aggressive appeals to self-respect.
27:28 These are all.
27:29 Okay, um, struggle.
27:30 Give me a statement that is the opposite of RTR.
27:41 I don't know if it can do this or not.
27:45 I don't know if it does, like times minus one.
27:48 All right.
27:50 A statement that is the opposite of RTR would be, it's best to keep your true thoughts and
27:54 feelings to yourself to maintain peace and avoid conflict.
27:57 This goes against the RTR principles for honesty and direct communication of thoughts and emotions
28:01 as they occur.
28:02 Let me try it another way.
28:04 What is the worst way to respond to criticism?
28:14 Let's see what we get.
28:22 The worst way to respond to criticism as highlighted in the provided text includes using defenses
28:26 such as denial, counter-attacks, or minimizing the concerns of the person offering the criticism.
28:31 These responses can escalate conflicts, damage relationships, and prevent personal growth
28:34 and understanding.
28:35 Instead, it's more constructive to listen openly, seek to understand the perspective
28:38 being presented, and consider whether the criticism has merit and how it can be used
28:42 for improvement.
28:43 Interesting.
28:44 Thank you.
28:45 Always important to be polite to the AI.
28:48 That way it won't take us over.
28:52 You're welcome.
28:53 If you have any more questions, feel free to ask.
28:54 So yeah, that's it.
28:56 We've trained it pretty well on a variety of materials about RTR.
29:01 And I don't know, can we ask it to pretend to be a defensive girlfriend and interact
29:06 that way and so on?
29:07 I don't know, but this is the first run and I'd love to hear what you think about this.
29:11 Let me know below and we'll open up access to this shortly.
29:15 Thanks so much.