"I stayed with my partner after she came out as transgender"

Real Fix

Credit: SWNS / Amanda Scott / Shaye Scott  A married former-Mormon couple have stayed together after one came out as transgender.  Amanda and Shaye Scott both grew up in Mormon families and have been together since they were teenagers, having three kids.  But Shaye, 39, knew she was transgender since the age of three and had never been able to properly articulate how she truly felt.  But in 2019 she came across the phrase 'gender dysphoria' online and instantly knew it described exactly what she felt.  She decided to come out to Amanda, 36, and tell her how she was truly feeling and what she was experiencing.

Transcript

00:00Shay is openly transgender, and I'm actually more in love with her than ever.

00:05When I was three, I remember understanding what gender roles were for the first time.

00:11And I had the distinct impression that part of my core identity didn't match up to who others expected me to be.

00:18Yeah, it's gonna be a crazy journey.

00:22Hmm, adventure. More like it.

00:26In 2019, my sense of reality shattered when Shay opened up to me about experiencing gender dysphoria all her life.

00:34I was shocked because nothing in our life together had pointed towards this or prepared me for this.

00:40I was at a point in my life where I couldn't do it anymore.

00:44For me, it was like this feeling of, this is who I am. Send me to hell.

00:50And I didn't have anything left.

00:52My biggest fear is that you wouldn't believe me and that people wouldn't believe me.

00:56I knew who I was before they did, right?

01:00And I was transgender before I knew what the word transgender was.

01:04I had been taught that gender and sex were the same thing.

01:08People fear what they don't understand.

01:11But to add to that, there's some things people don't even want to try to understand.

01:16But here's the thing.

01:18In our particular situation, Shay didn't wake up one day and say,

01:22I'm trans and this is how our life is going to be now.

01:25When she came out to me four years ago, it was as a cry for help to try to resolve

01:31these feelings that she was having without transitioning.

01:34And then we went through a process of discovery together.

01:38And in every step of this journey, we've dedicated tons of time to research, therapy,

01:46thinking, and frankly, overthinking.

01:50A lot of times people assume that I've been dragged along in this process,

01:53when the truth is that I've been encouraging the steps that Shay's been taking.

01:57And look, I know I'll never fully understand what it is to be trans,

02:01but garnering as much empathy as possible is really important to me.

02:05So my curiosity is always going to be tuned into that.

02:08I learned how much of what we consider as natural has changed throughout time

02:13and has always differed across cultures.

02:16But a question we commonly get is, Amanda, are you a lesbian?

02:21I haven't really felt the need to put language to how my sexuality works.

02:25For me, I just love my partner.

02:28Even though I experienced our marriage in a very heteronormative way for years,

02:33now I think of Shay as a woman and I'm attracted to her as a woman.

02:37I think this indicates that my orientation is somewhat fluid.

02:41I also feel that it's important to say that

02:44I would never criticize someone for making a different choice than me

02:48because I just think that every situation is so different.

02:52There's various reasons why relationships work or don't work.

02:56But for Shay and me, we both really wanted to stay together.

03:00I support my transgender partner because

03:03I'm in love with this genuine part of her that continues to emerge.

03:13you

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